Divination Exchange: Next Six Weeks

Sun: taurus (earth/fixed), 6:12am - 8:21pm
Moon: waxing crescent, cancer (water/cardinal)
Earth: chilly and even somewhat blustering, with rain on and off all day, the morning starting out bright sunny and beautiful, giving way to steady rain and then gray chill

Jeff and I decided to do an experiment tonight — a divination exchange in which we each did a reading for each other. The question we focused on was, "What advice do you have for [us] between now (Beltaine) and the Summer Solstice?"

Interestingly, we both ended up with readings with an energy flow moving from left to right (we use Robert Place's method of interpretation), making the three card spread pretty close to your typical past-present-future layout. Both of our readings seem to have to do with new projects of some kind, with caution not to burn out or push too hard, though the specifics were different for each of us. There's also some strong themes about the relationship between love and death in the left-most card, corresponding to some of the more mystic/ecstatic themes of Beltaine I was writing about recently.

Below is the reading Jeff did for me, followed by the reading I did for him. He used Robert Place's Buddha Tarot deck, while I used my usual Shadowscape Tarot. I stuck with just the simple three-card spread, while Jeff felt moved to pull a fourth "clarification" card for his reading. (He also wanted to spend some time in meditation on the cards, but was feeling really tired and so didn't get much out of it as a result).

Advice for Ali

(reading by Jeff)

Future Empress | Ace of Jewels | Six of Jewels
The Middle Path

Future Empress - This is the Buddha's wife. Before he became the Buddha, Siddhartha Gautama lived with his father, the king; and his father wished him to marry. He asked for women to come from all over the kingdom to visit Siddhartha if they wished to be his princess. He provided Siddhartha with gifts, so that the young prince could welcome them. Siddhartha welcomed them all graciously (and there were a great many), but when the last one arrived — Yasodhara — there were no gifts left. Siddhartha found himself completely captivated by her; and so he took his own royal ring from his finger and gave it to her to welcome her. They fell deeply in love, and were married.

Siddhartha's father was sure that the love of the beautiful Yasodhara would keep Siddhartha's mind occupied with the doings of this world, so that he would fulfil the prophesy by becoming a mighty emperor. But Siddhartha's love for Yasodhara (and the son she bore him) was so deep that it went far beyond earthly pleasures. Shortly after his son was born, they threw a great party, and there was dancing and drinking. Late at night, Siddhartha woke and saw all the dancers, and his wife and child, lying asleep in the moonlight. To him they seemed as if dead. This served to harden his resolve to free them all from death and suffering; so — out of love — he left them there and went away to find out how to release everyone forever.

This card corresponds to the Empress in the standard Tarot. It is a card of fertility, beauty, love, and the attractive power of desire. Associated strongly with Venus.

Ace of Jewels - Ace of Jewels corresponds to the Ace of Pentacles. New projects, especially in the physical world. The Jewel is associated at one level with satifying physical desire, but at a deeper level with satisfaction through release of desire. The Buddha presented "Three Jewels" to comfort his followers as they followed away: the Buddha himself (as an example of enlightenment), the Dharma (his teaching), and the Sangha (the monk community of fellowship).

Six of Jewels - Six of Jewels is the Six of Pentacles. In this deck it especially represents generosity and the rewards of those who are generous. Generosity: there are five basic rules of conduct in Buddhism: do not cause harm, do not steal, do not consume toxins, do not commit sexual misconduct, and do not lie. Each of these basic rules is paired with a positive version: develop love and peace, be generous, cultivate awareness, cultivate contentment, and be truthful. Generosity helps one release attachments to property and other things we think we own, such as our time, our reputations, and so on.

The Middle Path - While Siddhartha was seeking enlightenment, he was a student of many teachers. One common kind of practice in India at this time was asceticism, in which the body was put under great stresses, such as fasting, self-harm, and the like. The idea was that by denying the pleasures (and needs) of the flesh, one could rise above it. Siddhartha was extremely good at this, and many of his teachers were sure he was going to be a great yogi. He gathered followers of his own, who were amazed at his devotion. Eventually he pushed himself so close to death that he could barely eat or drink at all; but still he was no closer to salvation. The desire for enlightenment itself had become a barrier to enlightenment. So he gave up on it and began to nurse himself back to health. His followers, not understanding, and disgusted at his weakness, left him; but he didn't care. After a little more time, as he sat begging, a woman brought him a big bowl of rice. He took this and divided it into 49 parts, deciding to eat this over the next 49 days as he sat in meditation under the bodhi tree. He resolved not to get up from that spot until he had achieved enlightenment.

The commentary card, The Middle Path, corresponds to the Temperance card. There is a lot of energy in this reading, a lot of motion, and my intuition is that the Temperance card is there to advise taking it easy with the new project and not burning out on it.

Advice for Jeff

(reading by Ali)

Judgement | Hanged Man | Page of Pentacles

Judgement (XX) - A call to new beginnings, restoration and wholeness, absolution and forgiveness. New life arising from death, a time of joy and rebirth. The trials and tribulations have passed and you are called, by destiny or a greater purpose, into renewed life in the light of a new dawn. Also, a time to reflect on the past and understand how the actions of yesterday have helped to shape today.

Hanged Man (XII) - Self-sacrifice, especially for the greater good. A time of release and surrender, letting go of the effort and will normally exerted towards concrete or practical accomplishments; instead, withdrawing into solitude, contemplation or more mystic/"spiritual" pursuits. "Turning the world upside down" to gain new perspective. This may be a period of difficulty - it depends on how willing or unwilling the sacrifice is.

Page of Pentacles - Opportunities for new growth and prosperity, a spark of initiative and potential offered. Grounded in earthy qualities like diligence, responsibility and practicality - relying on the tools and resources at hand - there is still a certain lightness and playfulness that accompanies every new beginning or intriguing opportunity. Also suggests an enjoyment of physical pleasures of the five senses, possibly in particular an engagement in nature (perhaps a literal garden?).

The Story - The energy of the cards doesn't seem to have one clear direction. The Angel of Judgement faces to the left to sound her call, but both the Hanged Man and the Page seem to face forward or out of the card (though the Hanged Man's body is turned to face towards the right, his head hangs down so that he's looking almost behind him). Considering the association of the Judgement card with the events of the past and the Page of Pentacles being associated with new opportunities, there is some indication that the energies should be read from left to right like a simple past-present-future spread. In this case, Judgement might be strongly indicative of the transformation and new life of spring (associated so strongly with Beltaine, especially with the undertones of death and "breaking free"). The Page of Pentacles might be associated closely in time with the Solstice, then - perhaps in a very literal way, as a time when your activities and projects are "bearing fruit" in the form of new opportunities or potential being realized… but in a way that still demands continued steady work and commitment in a very practical, grounded way. In the meantime, there's a suggestion, by the Hanged Man, of acceptance or surrender, perhaps a period of rest and release, turning inward to seek the inner wisdom of spirit… or perhaps simply in preparation for the work to come, in order to gain some new perspective or insight that might be useful for taking full advantage of those future opportunities when they arise.

Diary

Days of Note: Full White Waking Moon

Sun: entering into pieces (water/mutable), 7:10am - 5:59pm
Moon: full moon, virgo (earth/mutable)
Earth: a second unusually warm day in the middle of February, bright, warm sunlight, white fluffy clouds in a crystal blue sky, winds shifting the bare tree branches and playing with the wind chimes all up and down the block, the woods was restless with spring's first robins and last winter's dried, dead leaves stirring in miniature cyclones in the breeze; everything is mud and melting ice


The last few days were rough, with some discomfort and pain and general fatigue, but today has been lovely. We've opened up the windows all over the house to allow the rooms to air out with the breeze, and the place feels full of shifting life and wafting curtains again. A warm day like today does not feel very much like spring, exactly, as it's too early and it seems even the land knows tomorrow will be cold and near freezing again. The air is too dry and restless to be full spring air, though everywhere there is mud and muck and melting. Jeff and I had lunch outside in the backyard, watching the clouds pass in front of the sun one by one. He kept insisting it was a day from May, but May is more lush and green than this. Everything is still very dry and stiff, not awake like true spring but restless in its sleep. It will be waking soon.

The last few days of work have been interesting, as a new project had me hopping and worrying a bit about my "boss's boss" approving of what I was doing. Things seemed to have gone well, but to go from so little supervision to that kind of extra oversight makes me worry. I want to be thought of as a competent and hard worker — a tough task to accomplish when you work from home sometimes, I guess.

So my creativity of earlier in the week was on the wane, for a few reasons. Today was a "day off" (with only a few hours of work in the morning), as was yesterday which I spent mostly arguing with trolls online. I should know better, but it's hard to resist sometimes. This time at least I did not let it bother me so much... or, I shouldn't put it that way. "Letting" seems to have very little to do with it — but at least, the trolls remained laughable, and their insults ridiculous, enough for me to easily shrug them off. I spent some time yesterday afternoon working on some creative awen work with the Kowit poetry workbook.... but found none of the prompts for the exercise I was working on to be very helpful. Prompts like "remember a time when you were sad" or "remember a time when you felt humiliated" came up empty-handed — I could remember occasions that seemed a mix of frustrated and restlessness, but nothing much else came to mind. Jeff said I must have just been in a particular mood, and I know that sometimes I do get "blocked" or stuck in a particular emotional state when it becomes difficult for me to remember feeling any other way. That got us on to astrology again, and conversations about my moon being in my twelfth house, so that the source of my emotions were often a mystery to me but also, if I follow them willingly and trustingly, serve as my connection to Mystery and grace.

This, of course, led back to a conversation about how to work with my Saturn return, which is fast approaching. Yesterday, in my restlessness, I asked Jeff just to come up with a simple practice I could do regularly, since trying to be "creative" to come up with some practical exercises seemed too much to deal with at the time and I was coming up dry. He said he'd give it some thought, and in the meantime I will be contemplating it, too. I want to ask Brigid for her aid in this endeavor, but I'm feeling like a neglectful devotee — this past week, I completely got the day wrong for my Flamekeeping shift. Remembering that I would be Keeping during Valentine's Day, I had it in my brain that my shift began at sundown on Valentine's Day itself, but this turned out to be one sundown too late. When I realized the mistake (no thanks to my Google calendar, which has been acting wonky with my holy days sub-calendar for some reason recently), I kept my shift one day off.... but still feel as though I should have done more to make up for the lapse. If my first year of Flamekeeping was characterized by plenty of strange and happy coincidences, with my Keeping shifts falling on important dates almost every month it seemed, this year's Flamekeeping seems more like to be characterized by distraction, forgetfulness and a need on my part to be more careful and disciplined in my devotions.

After dinner yesterday, though, I did return to my computer to work on a poem inspired by the trollish bickering that I'd experienced online that day. Reimagining these accusations of being "idealistic" and naive and living in "white flower power land" (like I said — so absurd as to be laughable, almost endearing in their mischaracterizations of my view), the poem arose as a kind of affirmation that to be open to wonder is also a kind of power, and sometimes one more difficult and more risky than the power of brute force and violence. I shared the poem below, as well as on P+P (where a reader promptly tried to rebut with song lyrics — gods, I love a good old fashion bardic match!). So yesterday, after priming the pump for hours and coming up dry, it turned out I had a poem in me after all.

Today, after working several hours in the morning and lunching with Jeff outside in the sunlight, I decided to go into the woods for some meditation. During my walk, I scouted the next stone I would need to bless and consecrate for my DOTR work. I sang songs to the earth as I walked, which always helps to anchor me and center me in the work, reminding me that this is not just some casual stroll but a journey for a sacred purpose. I made my way to the stone outcropping where I usually sit, looking down over the ravine, and spent some time in meditation there, breathing and chanting the awen and grounding in the stirring bones of the earth. It's obvious that I need to return to regular meditative practice, as my mind wandered quite a bit during this time. But then, I am not a machine, not clockwork, and I do sometimes wonder if a wandering mind just isn't more natural during some times of the month. Chanting the awen, I felt centered and grounded, and when I fell back into silence, it seemed to me that my voice continued to be carried and echoed in the wind and among the trees in the woods surrounding me — just as it had that time in Ohiopyle, near the waterfall last May. I consecrated a small jar of water and, after a sip to honor the Spirit within, poured it out upon the rock as an offering to the local land. I then did the same with a jar of birdseed, as an offering to the spirits and beings of the land. Though my meditative work was perhaps not as fruitful as I might have liked, the rite itself seemed rooted and powerful enough. Anyway, we do not do these rites for ourselves alone or the way they make us feel — we do the work as real work, true action in the world, that shapes and changes the world. A gift is a gift because of intention, even if that intention is worn and frazzled at the edges because of moontides and stress. I hope the land can meet me half-way, as it has so often done before.


Diary Tarot Card:

(b) Song of the World
(d) Song of the Land ............ (c) Song of my Gods
(a) Song Within

(a) Song Within - The Ten of Pentacles is a card of fulfillment and enjoyment in life, rooted and steeped in the beauty of the material world but married to the spiritual meanings and movements, often found most poignantly in art and aesthetics. As Annie Dillard writes, an artist "jammed in the pool of materials," lives also in the mind, home of forms, and in the spirit. This is a card of auspiciousness, prosperity and generosity alike as they are connected and mutually supportive in the physical world of nature and its laws of exchange and engagement. Hard work and diligence comes to fruition in poise, comfort and simple pleasures enjoyed freely, without covetousness or hedonism. A willingness to work within the forms and limits of tradition and deep, ancient wisdom also expresses itself in this card — while this may sometimes bog us down in overly stiff structure, in this card the limits and boundaries of form, tradition and discipline serve a vital purpose in shaping and cultivating liveliness and joy.

(b) Song of the World - Temperance (XIV) brings together in balance, harmony and exchange the swirling, dancing, jousting energies of masculine and feminine, earth and sky, light and dark, phoenix and dragon, yin and yang. Life comes not from the strict purity of extremes, but from this dance of tension and difference, each tempering the other — the fire in the water. This card signifies a time of respite, rest and relief — albeit only a temporary one, perhaps — after a struggle, when we have a chance to refresh ourselves, catch our breath, and ready for the next step in the journey. There is poise and a sense of stillness and quiet in this card, despite the roaring, twining energies that surround the angel of temperance where she perches. Her mind is clear and open, the connections between thought and soul and manifestation in the material world laid bare and beautiful before her soft-gazing eyes.

(c) Song of my Gods - The Seven of Cups is a card of paradox, offering many choices — almost too many to count or consider — but only some of them may lead to deeper connection with both soul and spirit, and the Song of the World. Egotism and fantasy threaten to lead us off our path and we may make wrong choices if we stay too long with our "heads in the clouds," day dreaming of wealth or fame or other such rewards. But with our gaze firmly held to those ways of true value, following wise advice of those who have come before us, we can find the path to deeper, more authentic engagement and wholeness. The siren song of this card is not all deception, but we must be careful in our choices, and allow humility — grounding in the earth — to help us choose which path we take.

(d) Song of the Land - The Chariot (VII) wrestles with the chaotic, restless forces of conflicting desires and intentions, the conscious and the unconscious aspects of ourselves. To master these tensions and ride victorious requires strength of will and receptivity to changing circumstances alike. Psychologically, this card represents the healthy development of our ego selves, that sense of self that governs our actions and navigates a smooth, sure course through sometimes murky waters or conflicting interests. This is a card of composure and confidence amidst confusion and disorder, the first assertion of the ego as a reliable center for the individual self.


Further Interpretation - The cards drawn for the Song of the World (Temperance) and the Song of the Land (The Chariot), both major arcana, also both involve the balance of energies and the dancing, push-pull of conflict and tension between opposites. Appropriate for the time of year, and for the weather and energies of this day in particular, these cards seem to reflect the moods, energies and currents of the greater world — the coming of spring, the restlessness of the wind over the bare, muddy land, the play of water over soil and warm sunlight slicing through sometimes chilly air. Both cards incorporate a kind of paradox of both stillness and chaotic movement, poise and grace as well as mess and conflict.

The Ten of Pentacles in the position of Song Within seems to indicate my recent focus on a more disciplined approach to creative writing, and my willingness to "prime the pump" even on days when I am not feeling particularly creative or inspired. It may also indicate the process of revision and craft involved in pulling together a book manuscript, a project that I have also started recently and hope to finish over the next several months. Since this card came up earlier in a reading in a position that seemed to suggest this was my best approach to the writing life and the work of my soul, I am pleased to see it showing up again here — perhaps this means that I am orienting myself in a helpful and receptive way and utilizing my self-discipline as the necessary tool that it is to help me accomplish my goals.

The card that appears in the position of Song of my Gods (Seven of Cups) is the most confusing of this reading, which is not exactly surprising given the paradoxical nature of the number seven. In previous readings, this card has seemed to warn about making wrong choices, being distracted by temptations to popularity or influence instead of remaining anchored in the work of my writing. The two figures in the card face in different directions, though both to the left (in fact, all the figures in all four cards face to the left, with the exception of a few of the animals in Temperance and The Chariot) — the woman looks up, gesturing, towards the position of the Song of the World (Temperance) card, while the man gazes down at the map he holds, in the direction of the Song Within (Ten of Pentacles) card. In the artist's interpretation, it is the male who is "grounded" and sensible enough to accomplish the couple's goals, while the female is too much distracted by temptation and fantasy. That the woman gestures towards the external "world" position while the man gazes down with steady discipline towards the "internal" position is interesting. Yet at the same time, the card that the woman points to is Temperance, a card with encouraging meaning of its own. The angle of temperance herself seems to be turned inward, deep in contemplation of the forces around her. Meanwhile, the Ten of Pentacles holds not only the prosperous queen, but the old dragon steady, perhaps even stuck, in his ways. So an orientation towards both the external and internal worlds may be necessary — the greater world may hold not only temptations and distractions, but inspiring examples and helpful guides to the navigation of these tensions and vital energies, while the inner world may run the risk of becoming too entrenched in navel-gazing and self-reference and in this way become stuck. A map may be a helpful guide, as in self-discipline, but it must be supplemented. A floating castle may be mere fantasy, but if we see such dreams realized in the world through the lives of others, perhaps we do well to ask ourselves how this is possible, and learn from the questions we ask. It seems to message of this card, then, is both discernment and balance, seeking out what is helpful to guide my choices without discounting either one or the other out of hand. Seems like the kind of advice I often get from my gods, Brigid in particular.

Daily Diary

Sun: capricorn (earth/cardinal), 7:43am - 5:02pm
Moon: waning crescent, scorpio (water/fixed)
Earth: the high was actually above freezing today, with steady sun and clear skies and not too much wind, all in all a pretty nice day

Thoughts: a bit of restlessness to start out the day, but things got better; brainstorming about wedding plans and wedding-related to do lists, as well as some of the deeper symbolic meanings of the wedding ceremony itself and reflecting on how our Paganism will (potentially) reflect in the wedding; otherwise, felt fairly focused today with few freak-outs, which is nice

Actions: this morning, spent some time working on "Wedding Wednesday" stuff in preparation for our trip to the Wedding Expo next week; got in touch with the officiant to set up a time to meet in person; figured out our schedule for the long weekend and worked with Jeff to book our hotel room (at a big discount due to a wedding expo special, and we were able to get a suite with kitchenette which means cooking in the room and saving lots of money on eating out - yay!); looked over the budget to get an idea of how we're doing (not bad, I think); in the afternoon, spent time writing a post for the wedding blog, which quickly eventually blossomed into more-than-one post (still not finished the second part, but almost there, hopefully to post tomorrow)

Connections: felt like I got a lot done today with very little distraction; feeling the best about the writing and kinda wish I could whittle down my responsibilities so that on any given day, after my contractor work, I could spend the rest of my time working on my writing; but to do that, I'll have to first finally get the apartment how I like it (only a few rooms to go) and stay more on top of this wedding planning stuff; all in all, though, I think things are going really well and I made it through the holiday stress without too much freaking out; now for recovery time, for which regular work is actually quite enjoyable; I find myself really looking forward to putting in some solid hours tomorrow and for the rest of the week so that, come next week, I can take a few days off in a row to enjoy the expo without worrying about my hours

Daily Tarot Card: After drawing a card I have had several times before, I decided to draw several more for clarification, and also as a transition into deeper insight into the cards and practice doing multi-card spreads.

The Ace of Cups I drew first, and placed in the center. This is a card of beginnings, a gladness and enjoyment that results from a happy emotional alignment or orientation and being more deeply connected to our emotions and intuition. It offers the gift of withdrawal into dream and imagination, where we can foster and nurture healthy connections and emotional bonds both with others and with our own deeper selves.

I cut the deck again, and drew the Five of Cups, which I placed in the center directly below the Ace of Cups. Recognizing once again that the Five of Cups is a card I've drawn before, I drew two more cards from the top of the deck (without cutting), placing the first to the left and the second to the right of the Five of Cups, so that the three made a line above which the Ace of Cups rested in the center. The card to the left was the Six of Swords, and the card to the right was the Five of Wands.

The Five of Cups is a card of sorrow, grief and loss. Dreams have been set loose and have passed beyond our control, and we are left to wait and wonder what will become of them, and of us. Our journey has been difficult and sometimes painful, with many mistakes and regrets along the way. We may have a tendency to focus overly much on these causes for grief, and feel the pain acutely, even reveling in its sensuality to some degree. But there is also hope, and a chance for change and movement - some of our cups have not yet overturned, and offer us the gift of healing and emotional renewal. What is required of us is a reorientation, a new perspective and a more stubborn optimism and gratitude about those resources still readily available to us, instead of wallowing in our grief and misery.

The Six of Swords represents a journey through difficulty and challenge, overcoming strife and uncertainty as we struggle towards a new horizon and the possibilities it promises. The journey itself may be a hard one for us, or it may be a time of rest and recovery from the strains of the world that have left us feeling weakened and drained. Either way, we travel into the uncertain future that promises hope and renewal. Still, the card holds a warning as well, cautioning us against carrying with us the same harmful or unhealthy thought patterns that have caused us difficulty and sorrow in the past.

The Five of Wands is a card of playful combativeness and conflict, of energy and activity in a blur of motion and barely contained chaos. Sometimes, this card can feel like swimming against the tide, a thousand small obstacles piling up to create an unending barrage of difficulties and challenges that threaten to overwhelm us. At the same time, these challenges can be invigorating, energizing and motivating us to rise to the occasion, overcome whatever challenges we face and, in the process, discover new skills and new sources of potential that we hadn't expected or anticipated. Though the card carries a caution against allowing trivial matters to pile up or escalate into serious or dangerous conflict, it is also a card of movement and change that can bring about success and renewal.

Visually, the layout of this spread raises some interesting insights. The four cards are spread in a kind of wide-based pyramid, with the Ace of Cups at the apex and the three cards (from left to right: Six of Swords, Five of Cups, Five of Wands) forming the base.

The two cards on either end of the base both contain figures dressed in white who are journeying towards the upper center of the spread, almost pointing at the Ace of Cups itself. The figure riding the swan's back in the Six of Swords moves from left to right, rising above the swords and stormcrows below him. The figure in the Five of Wands charges from right to left, leaping over the swarm of foxes and dodging the staffs placed in his way. Both of these bookend cards, in addition to having journeying figures in white, also contain long, upright tools or weapons (staffs or swords) as well as a flock or pack of animals (foxes or stormcrows) perched in and about them, which the figure must rise above. These may represent circumstances of difficulty that are stagnant or unchanging (or seem to be), planted firmly in the ground and appearing almost like bars on a jail cell or the poles of a fence or wall. The animals - dark in one card, bright and fiery in the other - may represent uncontrolled or wild animal instincts, emotional reactions or even thought patterns that have taken on "a life of their own" and no longer seem to be helpful but have instead become a hindrance or a symbol of the figures' difficulties and obstacles. In neither case, however, are these animals actively trying to hinder the figure in any personal way - simply their existence can be a challenge, but they are not out to get the figure in any way, and so the challenges they (re)present are things he can "rise above" (literally or figuratively).

Both figures seem to be moving, within the spread, through their difficulties and towards the center cards - but more specifically, upwards towards the Ace of Cups. The center card in the bottom row, the Five of Cups, is one of sorrow and regret, grief over what has been lost or the failures and difficulties one has seen. The figure is still, head bent down towards the overturned or half-emptied cups around her. She faces to the left, towards the Six of Swords card, with her back to the right and the Five of Wands, and head turned down so that she cannot possibly see the Ace of Cups above her. This layout suggests a focus on the difficulties of the journey that have brought her to this place, and perhaps too much focus on her own weakness and fatigue (as shown in the Six of Swords), while ignoring the stamina, energy and resourcefulness (represented by the Five of Wands) that have brought her this far. Most importantly, she does not raise her head to look around her and see what opportunities and gifts are still available to her and, in fact, continually being offered. The ocean seems to carry all her dreams and hopes away from her as she stands on the desolate shore, and yet she does not recognize the source of this vast ocean and its potential to offer support, insight and emotional depth to her as well.

Yet this spread suggests that, once grief and sorrow are acknowledged and moved through, the journey of the two outer cards will continue, leading eventually and at last to the Ace of Cups, a place of generosity and renewal especially of an emotional (and intuitive or imaginative) kind. The figures do not face the center, but a more dynamic direction "upwards," with their eyes firmly fixed on the Ace of Cups as the goal. The journey may involve grief and regret to some extent, but keeping things in perspective and moving through this emotionally "troubled water" with the same willingness and energy will resolve eventually in obtaining to the gift that the Ace of Cups offers: renewal, reflection, self-knowledge and deeper connection. Here, the animals in this card (a school of fish) swirl and dance around the spiraling, overflowing waters of the cup, presenting glittering symbols of beauty and good luck, instead of the strife and conflict of the animals in the other cards (or the absence of animals as primary actors in the center Five of Cups card).

All this says to me that I am in the midst of a journey, a period of transition that may be difficult and sometimes a bit of a struggle. I can choose to focus on that struggle and how tired and vulnerable it can sometimes make me feel, or I can value the energy and creativity that I can bring to the journey, and keep my eyes firmly on the many reasons to remain grateful and optimistic about my circumstances. If I do the latter, I may find that the gift for such gratitude and optimism, and the blessing of perspective, will eventually lead to a period of renewal and deeper insight and creativity, as well as more authentic connection and harmonious emotional relationship. (Let's hope that's right!)

Divination on Family Conflict

Brigid, I seek your guidance on this matter of great importance to Jeff and myself and the children we love so deeply.

I center myself in my love and my attending.
I ground myself in your guiding light.
I center myself in my strength and freedom.
I ground myself in your support and protection.
I center myself in my confidence and intelligence.
I ground myself in your deep wisdom and insight.

I drink of your waters,
I follow your star,
I nurture your flame
of peace in my heart.

What are the consequences of the three choices before us?

(a) To send the letter I have composed. (c) To send a simplified version of the letter. (b) To send no reply.

(a) The Hanged Man (XII): A card of willing self-sacrifice and surrender, as well as a card of emotional release. The Hanged Man relinquishes his control in order to gain wisdom and insight into the nature of being. He surrenders to the greater patterns that govern the world and accepts what is beyond his control, yet his surrender itself is an act of discipline and choice, arising from the only thing over which he does have control: his own actions and choices. This act of self-surrender brings about a shift in perspective, flipping the world on its head and revealing mysteries that once were hidden or incomprehensible.

(b) Two of Wands: A card of tension held poised on the brink of action, a card in which personal power and authority may lead to isolation, and concrete action may not lead to the happiness or success that is desired. This card seems to be one of constant vigilance and watchfulness, caught between the possibilities of success and failure and ever on the edge of action. This card may indicate a time to be bold, courageous and inventive, but also warns against allowing this power and influence to cloud right judgement.

(c) Death: A card of transformation, the rebirth inspired and ignited by the death of the old. It is a card of change, the death of the old to make way for the new being born - and such change may be frightening, or it may be a moment of joy. More likely, it will involve a dance of grief and sorrow with elation and praise. This card encourages us to give up those old patterns, behaviors and relationships that impede, hinder or restrict us, as well as to take off the masks that we usually hide behind in order to protect ourselves. When faced with the real presence of death, we are naked and vulnerable before the darkness and uncertainty of the future. Yet facing this uncertainty as an opportunity for growth and renewal, rather than clinging to a past that has become too small for us, is our best way through the difficulties and fears of this moment.

(d) What alternative option have we not yet considered?

(d) King of Pentacles: The King of Pentacles understands, deep in his very bones, the relationship between stability, prosperity and generosity. He is a figure of growth and physical well-being, balancing the yang aspects of power and action with the yin aspects of fecundity and self-giving. He holds within himself both the fruit and the seed, and nurtures these with practicality and rootedness in reality, while also retaining his kindness and humanity and his concern for others. He enjoys all that life and the earth have to offer, and seeks to share these joys with those around him. He is both reliable and wise, with many talents and aspirations, earning him good fortune and expressing themselves in the gifts he has to share.

Meditations on Brigid: Goddess of Poetry

Brigid, Goddess of Poetry,
May you reveal an aspect of yourself to me.

Four of Cups: "There is yet a gift that you are refusing though it is offered to you."

Brigid, Goddess of Poetry, I do not understand. What gifts am I still refusing? What gifts do you offer to me?

Justice (XI): A card of balance, perspective and discernment, the ability to see yourself clearly and understand how your current circumstances arise from your past choices. The humility and lightness of being which, weighed against the feather in the goddess's gentle hands, will not be found wanting. The gift of clarity and perceptive insight, dispassionate knowledge of the interweaving world.

The Wheel of Fortune (X): A card of patterns repeating, the same stories arising, being told again and again, always new, with new lessons to share. The world interweaves as it turns, the same gold thread connecting us all as the fates spin. Here is the gift of perspective, stepping back to see the larger context, and accepting the turning tides of chance and fate with humor and hope, rather than becoming entrenched in guilt or blame.

Two of Cups: A card of unity, the blending and intertwining of opposites, the relationship that brings together in bonds of love and acceptance while also celebrating the joyful tension of difference and duality. This gift of connection and contact is fluid and ever-changing, ever-evolving. Some relationships will blossom and grow, while others will fade away. This card seek the resolution of the gift of the Ace of Cups through the mirror reflection of emotion, intuition, imagination and relationship.

Praise to you, Brigid, Goddess of Poetry. I am not sure I understand what messages you would communicate to me, yet the theme of connection and acceptance in the midst of tension and turning seems clear. I will do my best to accept your gifts, to seek your wisdom.

Brigid, Goddess of Poetry and paradox, of tension resolved into beauty — please help me to be humble, hopeful and receptive.

Awen.

Meditations on Brigid: Lady of the Stars

Exalted Brigid, Lady of the Stars,
I seek to know you better.
Exalted Brigid, Lady of the Stars,
reveal to me an aspect of yourself.

Four of Cups: "I offer you a gift, yet you still refuse, sunk in your own revery, gazing at your own reflection."

What gifts do you offer that I am blindly refusing, Brigid, Lady of the Stars?

Knight of Pentacles: The gift of patience and steady commitment to hard work and unwavering devotion. The Knight rides the great steed of the earth itself, curling and arcing along its course with the ancient power of the deep dragon waking. He is not distracted by the temptations or distractions that abound, but sets his eyes on his goal and settles into the long, loving work of reaching it. He does not move, so much as grow, like a vine, ivy, symbol of perseverance. Though he may seem passive and still, he is unmoving only as the great stars are unmoving, turning above the earth so silently and gracefully that the eye cannot detect their movement. And yet still, they move.

The Moon (XVIII): The gift of hidden depths and unknown mysteries — the wellspring of the unconscious, the pale mirror-light of reflection, dreams and enchantment. The moon rises between the tangled limbs of forest trees, casting misleading shadows, and the symbols, images and dream-leadings of the unconscious arise to unsettle the conscious mind and disrupt carefully planned patterns. A mask itself, the moon reveals all masks and casts them off. This is the gift of the unexpected depths, the mysteries of darkness and night, the space between the stars that reveal themselves in strange fantasies and confusing patterns. Is it productive to wander by moonlight? Will the waking world accept the gifts of dreams, ideals and strange omens calling deeper? These are the wrong questions; the moon beckons us to dance, to indulge in an exploration of our own depths. With this exploration comes the gift of intuition, imagination, receptivity and grace.

The Star (XVII): The gift of hope, renewal and the gentle dance of inner and outer worlds together in harmony and balance. The star guides, and it is with joy, calm and trust that one follows that guiding, glittering light with movements that flow as naturally as the grace-blessed waters of the river and the milky way alike. Just as water flows, hope and inspiration work their own way out, and freedom that springs from within ripples outward to echo in the world all around us and in the lives of others. The star gazes on in tranquility, providing guidance and blessings simply through its nature. This is the gift of following one's own inner star as the path reveals itself before the earnest, trusting seeker's wandering feet. To follow with joy and trust is to open to generosity and gratitude.

My gratitude and praise to you, Brigid, Lady of the Stars, guiding light of my hope and exalted guardian of my trusting soul. May I serve you well, from the unknown depths to the gentle river of the stars unrolling, to the long, slow fecundity of earth that seems to sleep yet ever returns, renewed.

Awen.

Lady of the Stars: A Full Moon Ritual of Invocation and Exploration

Preparation:

As I set up the altar area, my excitement mounted, to the point where I felt almost like a kid again getting ready for bed on Christmas Eve night and wanting desperately to fall asleep quickly so that morning would come sooner. I set up the altar, took some initial photographs and then lit some incense to burn while I did my cleansing and preparatory meditation in another room. I changed into the simple blue dress that I often wear for ritual, replaced my mundane jewelry with the pieces I reserve for ritual and other special occasions; I washed my face and hands with cold water, helping to cool my skin which by that point was warm and flushed with excitement and energy. Then I spent about twenty minutes in meditation, first rehearsing the steps of the ritual in my mind, and then sitting quietly and focusing on my breath, chanting my awen while I centered and grounded, attempting to circulate and integrate the excited energy I was feeling. Eventually, I felt ready to begin the ritual. (By this time, it was about 9 PM.)



Altar and Ritual Area:

I used a small room in our apartment (that we call "the study"), spreading a deep blue blanket out on the floor and using a low, long coffee table draped in a gorgeous blue scarf as an altar. In the center of the altar I placed a small blue bowl sparkling with a layer of gold glitter (which, in retrospect, I probably used far too liberally). To the immediate right of the bowl was the small, gold floating candle I would place in the bowl and light; to the immediate left was the circular blue goldstone pendant I would be consecrating. Behind the bowl I placed the green-and-purple fluorite sphere in its stand, along with the pieces of tumbled goldstone and blue goldstone, and around these the strand of prayer beads I'd recently created to use during my flamekeeping shifts, with the amber-centered sun as its main charm. To the right side of the altar burned a small red candle in a gold-flecked candle holder, in front of which I laid my old athame. To the left side of the altar I placed my small blue pitcher of water, and in front of this my tarot deck in its blue bag. Scattered all over the altar were silver and opalescent flat-sided marbles that, against the blue of the scarf, looked like distant stars glimmering in the flickering candle light.

On the lower shelf beneath the altar, I kept the matches, the ritual bell, the candle snuffer and my iPod hooked up to two small external speakers for easy use during the ritual. I also had my tarot books and a copy of the ritual script in case I needed it. I left the incense burning up on top of the cabinet so that the incense smoke drifted down around me as I sat on the floor in front of the altar.



The Ritual:

The ritual itself went very well. I had no trouble with the memorization and hardly even stumbled, though once or twice I had to pause or speak slowly rather than rush ahead - but that was fine. I had a little trouble at the beginning settling down and working with my energy level; I found myself almost distracted by my anticipation so that it was hard to just sit and do the work of the ritual itself.

During the Statement of Intent, I played Iona's song, "A Million Stars," to help me anchor more firmly in the "mood" as I charged and lit the candle and poured the water in to the bowl. The effect was dazzling, to see the candle light flickering off of all the gold glitter covering the bottom of the bowl, and then slowly lifting and rising as the water swirled - some of the glitter remaining on the bottom, while some floated on the surface, causing this wonderful effect of depth reflecting back the candle light. What I didn't anticipate was the candle drifting towards the place where I poured the water from the pitcher into the bowl, so that once or twice I had to gently bump it with my finger in the opposite direction so that I wouldn't accidentally douse it. The result was getting my fingers covered in glitter, which ended up mostly on my hands and in the lap of my blue dress - not a bad effect. Creating and opening the center way went very well, and after some deep breaths, I moved on to the invocation of the Lady of the Stars and transitioned fairly quickly, after the chant, into meditation.

Once in my meditative trance, however, I had a hard time getting situated - I found myself kind of wandering my inner landscape, beginning first on the shore of the pebbly beach where my last meditation left off. But soon growing restless and unable to focus well, I sought out the forest grove up above far back in the woods away from the cliff that looked out over the ocean. On my way there, I noticed that my body was nude and covered with the glistening bits of gold glitter, not only on my hands but all up and down my limbs, and they shone and sparkled against my pale skin as I walked through the dark woods towards my inner grove. Upon reaching my inner grove, I found a fire already lit at the altar, a fire that resembled the dark amber fiery clouds of [a new star being born]. Above, through the clearing in the trees, I could just glimpse a deep night sky full of stars. At first, I spent some time dancing and turning around the space, rejoicing in how my glitter-studded skin reflected and glimmered in the starlight and firelight... Then, slowly, I noticed that a figure was over by the fire, dark and slightly hunched, attending to the flames. When I drew closer, the figure turned towards me - and showed a frightening clown-mask of white skin with bright red thick-lipped make-up and bared teeth flashing in the firelight, eyes looking slightly maniacal.

I was completely not expecting this, and began to get a little panicked, since I have never encountered such a terrifying figure within my meditation before and it seemed deeply wrong and foreboding to encounter one now, during such an important ritual. Yet every time I tried to come closer to the figure, that was the face that glanced at me over its hunched shoulder. Finally, I declared loudly, "I am not afraid of you!" At which point, the fire on the altar seemed to pulse, sending out a ripple of energy that disintegrated the terrifying clown figure. I was alone in the grove for a little while, until it seemed to me that a figure was descending from the sky - a woman figure, whose hair rippled upward in dark auburn-amber waves like a flame. She was robed in deep blue, so deep it was almost the same color as the night sky itself, and when I could get a glimpse of her face (which for some reason felt difficult to look in to), it seemed pale and utterly peaceful, even as though her eyes were closed. I felt sure that this was the same figure who had appeared to me in my meditation a few days earlier.

The conversation we had was somewhat jumbled and difficult to discern at times. The gist of it, however, was a reminder that fear, too, is sacred and is in many ways very similar to love, an expression of love itself. If we do not love, then we cannot be afraid, and so it is important to listen to our fears as a sign pointing the way to our love. She reminded me of what has always been the guiding inspiration for my poetry (which I have set aside for a long time) - that is, I have always written poetry as a way of facing my fears, hunting my fears through the darkness and seeking them out, trying to render them beautiful. She reminded me that this is what I need to keep doing in my own life. When I objected that surely I must have some better gift to give to the world than to be - as she called it, referring to a name some Native American Indian tribes give to the rabbit - the "fear-caller," she chided me, saying that the world is so utterly full of fear these days, there could be no more sacred a gift than to help transform this fear into something holy and meaningful, to render it beautiful and remind people that fear is an aspect of love.

After a time, our conversation seemed to wander and lose its thread, and I thanked her for her guidance and her advice, though I wasn't sure how to interpret it or act upon it. I asked her what advice or wisdom she had concerning this group, and her response was, "Do not worry so much about it for now. Just follow the leadings you sense, listen to the callings as they come, and don't worry too much about trying to pin things down or define things or control things. Let things happen as they will." Then, as she seemed to fade away and leave me alone in the grove again, the sky above me seemed to clear of some until-then-imperceptible mist or cloud cover, and reveal a sky that seemed so infinite and deep with stars that the stars themselves felt as though they were millions and millions of miles away. The distance felt so overwhelming, and the space between those points of brilliance so vast, that I felt giddy and fearful with a sudden sense of vertigo, as though I might lose my grip on the earth and go drifting off into space. And then I remembered again how fear could be an aspect or sign of love, and thought how close fear was to awe, and awe to love and gratitude, and how this sense of vastness and overwhelming majesty was, too, something that could inspire fear in us.

After the meditation, I took a little bit of time to re-center and then moved on to divination. Below I wrote out the cards I drew, and my interpretations of their meaning...

Finally, I finished the ritual by consecrating the amulet of blue goldstone to this work, blessing it thrice with water from the bowl and then passing it thrice through the flame of the central candle. Afterwards, I spent some time again re-centering, and then conclude the ritual with the final blessing and the unweaving of sacred space.

My feet had fallen asleep, so it took while to stand up after that! I took a few more pictures of the altar with the candles lit, once I had officially ended the ritual.



Divination Results (Tarot Reading):

"Who are you?"

Eight of Pentacles - I am the weaver of webs upon which the dew collects like stars, shining in intimate constellations, fire within water. I am the tension of duality - light and dark, fire and water, being and becoming - tripled in power, the eight spokes of the turning wheel, the four directions echoing above and below. I am the creatrix and the creative force, the worker and the work, the inspiration and spark of transformation that gives rise to new forms and seeks expression through new skills. I am the energy and effort of the creative process; I am the worker enthralled with her craft, seeking ever-new paths to manifestation in the world of physical forms. It is a delicate dance I weave through the world, and each star shivers as fragile and shining as a drop of dew suspended in the darkness and emptiness of space.


"Why have you brought this group together?"

Eight of Cups - To dive deep into the realms of intuition, emotion and mystery, following the glimmer of inspiration that leads to new realms, new insights, new depths of understanding. The old patterns of emotion and relationship once carefully laid out and protected - it is time to abandon these for new adventure, the risk of the night and its darkness, the thrill of the unknown. A star shines in the depths of the sea, fire within water, beckoning as a guiding light, leading more deeply into soul.


"How can we best serve you as a group?"

Queen of Pentacles - Share the riches of your creative selves, cultivating a warm and supportive environment in which others can do the same. Seek relationships of harmony and humility with all the good things of the earth - be humble as humus, "from the earth," rooted in compassion and cheerfulness and the joy of the senses. Dare to be yourselves without harming others; draw strength from the oak, who is nourished both by deep roots anchored in the moist soil and by lofty branches striving towards the warmth and golden light of the sun. The pentacle is, itself, a star crafted of the stuff of the earth. Become craftsfolk of the pentacle, the earthly star, forging creative, compassionate relationships in the world around you.


"How can I best serve you within the group?"

The Sun (XIX) - Seek the joyful acceptance of the child playing in the morning sunlight as it warms the land. Unabashed and completely at ease with who you are, it becomes easier to share your gifts with the world, radiating energy and enthusiasm as naturally as the sun shines, giving warmth and light to others - yet, like the sun, also knowing when to retire to the shadows and allow others to shine. Clarity of vision and purpose, the energy of passion and the eager embrace of inspiration and enlightenment are your gifts to share with others in child-like innocence and wonder at the marvels of the world.