Naturalist Journal for the Pacific Northwest

Source: flickr.com via Alison on Pinterest

Source: flickr.com via Alison on Pinterest

Source: flickr.com via Alison on Pinterest

Source: flickr.com via Alison on Pinterest

Source: flickr.com via Alison on Pinterest

Source: flickr.com via Alison on Pinterest

Source: flickr.com via Alison on Pinterest

Source: flickr.com via Alison on Pinterest

Source: flickr.com via Alison on Pinterest

Revised Uncensored To-Do List

Things I've Accomplished Since Samhain

- finish Sullivan's text on Saturn, read Greene's text on Saturn
- continue Flamekeeping shifts
- regular meditation (with candle ritual?) in the morning
- hillwalking at least three times a week
- yoga on non-hillwalking days
- Peace of the Three Realms prayer meditation at least a few times a week
- read book on ecology in Celtic spirituality/mythology
- started book on storytelling and human evolution
- write twice monthly for NUP
- continue to work with guest post submissions for NUP
- follow-up on Wild Earth editorial position w/DD
- research good DSLR camera and purchase
- clean house once a week (Tuesdays?)
- go through wardrobe and drastically reduce
- go through basement and drastically reduce
- go through craft cabinet and drastically reduce
- go through each room week by week to clear out things we're not taking with us
- donate clothes, toys, books, furniture
- organize electronics in preparation for move
- organize altar objects and décor in prep for move
- write wedding gift thank you notes
- print up photo cards for thank you notes
- send thank you notes by thanksgiving
- go out on a date with Jeff once a week
- cut down on plastic use drastically
- investigate eco-friendly alternatives for home use
- become a Seattle Volunteer Naturalist
- attend spring and fall training (Thursdays and Saturdays)
- teach at least two programs per month
- design one or two new programs to teach
- keep a naturalist journal
- participate in Pagan Blog Project 2012
- moved across the country
- found a new apartment

Revised and Updated To-Do List for Spring and Summer

(italics for new items)

Podcasting

- design website for Faith, Fern and Compass
- do weekly research for podcast topics
- set up payment for pro subscriptions
- record two episodes weekly with Jeff
- post-production editing

Astrology & Archetypes

- weekly meditations and journaling on Saturdays for Saturn Return
- read Arroyo's text on astrology and the four elements
- complete natal charts for as many friends and family as possible
- every 6 weeks (on solar & fire festivals), look at up-coming and just-passed transits
- read the other astrology books I picked up while on honeymoon
- work with tarot deck more frequently
- finally read Campbell's Hero with a Thousand Faces
- read book on story and human evolution (forget author)

Spiritual Practice

- continue Flamekeeping shifts
- finish four remaining DOTR lessons for each of the elements
- regular meditation (with candle ritual?) in the morning
- regular libations/offerings in the morning
- regular water/integration ritual in the evenings
- hillwalking at least three times a week
- yoga on non-hillwalking days
- Peace of the Three Realms prayer meditation at least a few times a week
- weekly tarot card reading (on Mondays?)
- practice guitar regularly
- new and full moon rituals each month

Deep Ecology

- become a Seattle Volunteer Naturalist
- attend spring and fall training (Thursdays and Saturdays)
- teach at least two programs per month
- design one or two new programs to teach
- keep a naturalist journal
- hillwalking at least three times a week (see under Spiritual Practice)
- read Integral Ecology
- read Lovelock's text on the Gaia hypothesis
- read book on environmentalism and aesthetics
- read book on "sound ecology" (revisit text on noise and social justice)
- read Oxford Handbook of Religion and Ecology
- look into the Alliance of Religions and Conservation
- become member of the International Society for the Study of Religion, Nature, and Culture

Writing

- participate in Pagan Blog Project 2012
- finish 30 Days of Druidry meme for blog
- write more poetry (poetry exercises from Palm of Your Hand?)
- write twice monthly for NUP
- continue to work with guest post submissions for NUP
- write quarterly Wild Earth feature for Aontacht
- brainstorm article ideas for submission elsewhere
- complete book manuscript for Graeme by early spring
- revise book manuscript by May 1st at latest
- work through Creating a Life Worth Living exercises
- work on Teen Druidry book manuscript

Photography

- purchase good photo editing software
- brainstorm a list of "projects" to pursue
- spend at least one afternoon each week working on photography (taking pics, editing)

Household & Health

- stick to meal plan for healthier, more balanced diet
- exercise with Jeff three times a week
- jog two to three times a week
- get bike fixed
- bike once or twice a week
- yoga and/or back-strengthening exercises three times a week
- try to get closer to 10,000 steps/day goal
- put up curtains for the new apartment
- unpack small decor items for apartment
- put up pictures and other wall hangings

Uncensored To-Do List, Revisited

Key

- Completed (or done on a regular basis)
- Not something I want to do anymore

Astrology

- weekly meditations and journaling on Saturdays for Saturn Return
- finish Sullivan's text on Saturn, read Greene's text on Saturn
- read Arroyo's text on astrology and the four elements
- complete natal charts for as many friends and family as possible
- every 6 weeks (on solar & fire festivals), look at up-coming and just-passed transits
- read the other astrology books I picked up while on honeymoon

Archetypes

- read King Warrior Magician Lover
- read Jung's relevant writings on archetypes
- work with tarot deck more frequently
- review Plotkin's work on soul development
- finally read Campbell's Hero with a Thousand Faces
- read book on story and human evolution (forget author)
- read Markale's text on Arthurian myths
- look at a theory of soul development that spans Plotkin, Campbell, astrology, tarot?

Spiritual Practice

- continue Flamekeeping shifts
- finish four remaining DOTR lessons for each of the elements
- regular meditation (with candle ritual?) in the morning
- regular libations/offerings in the morning
- regular water/integration ritual in the evenings
- hillwalking at least three times a week
- yoga on non-hillwalking days
- Peace of the Three Realms prayer meditation at least a few times a week
- journeying with Badger once a week (on Wednesdays?)
- weekly tarot card reading (on Mondays?)
- ogham work (maybe? divided up by elements?)
- practice guitar regularly
- practice drumming regularly
- new and full moon rituals each month

Deep Ecology

- hillwalking at least three times a week (see under Spiritual Practice)
- journeying with Badger (see under Spiritual Practice)
- read book on ecology in Celtic spirituality/mythology
- read Integral Ecology
- read Lovelock's text on the Gaia hypothesis
- read book on environmentalism and aesthetics
- read book on "sound ecology" (revisit text on noise and social justice)
- read Oxford Handbook of Religion and Ecology
- look into the Alliance of Religions and Conservation
- become member of the International Society for the Study of Religion, Nature, and Culture
- after the move, look into resources on local ecosystems/bioregion
- after move, spend hillwalking time each week connecting with new landscape

Writing

- finish 30 Days of Druidry meme for blog
- write more poetry (poetry exercises from Palm of Your Hand?)
- write twice monthly for NUP
- continue to work with guest post submissions for NUP
- follow-up on Wild Earth editorial position w/DD
- brainstorm article ideas for submission elsewhere
- work on finishing three short stories
- complete book manuscript for Graeme by early spring
- revise book manuscript by May 1st at latest
- work through Creating a Life Worth Living exercises
- work on Teen Druidry book manuscript

Photography

- research good DSLR camera and purchase
- purchase good photo editing software
- brainstorm a list of "projects" to pursue
- spend at least one afternoon each week working on photography (taking pics, editing)

Household & Family

- clean house once a week (Tuesdays?)
- go through wardrobe and drastically reduce
- go through basement and drastically reduce
- go through craft cabinet and drastically reduce
- go through each room week by week to clear out things we're not taking with us
- donate clothes, toys, books, furniture
- organize electronics in preparation for move
- organize altar objects and décor in prep for move
- write wedding gift thank you notes
- print up photo cards for thank you notes
- send thank you notes by thanksgiving
- get and read one or two stepmom-related books (maybe?)
- go out on a date with Jeff once a week
- choose pictures from the wedding to get as prints/album
- cut down on plastic use drastically
- investigate eco-friendly alternatives for home use

Naturalist Journal for the Pacific Northwest

Source: flickr.com via Alison on Pinterest

Source: flickr.com via Alison on Pinterest

Diary - Naturalist Journal and Health

Tomorrow Jeff and I officially begin our work as volunteer naturalists with the Seattle Parks, attending a potluck welcoming party and introduction to the program. This Saturday is our first actual training class, and I'm hoping to be able to attend both the Saturday and the Thursday modules, both because I'm interested in getting as much out of this as I can and because I'd like to have the flexibility to teach both weekday school programs and the general public programs held on weekends. Plus, more time outside in the park - nothing wrong with that.

I've been keeping up with my naturalist journal that I started about a week and a half ago, sitting down to do some drawing and research every few days. It's been amazing how good drawing feels - quieting down to work, being able to focus and concentrate on just the details in front of me, and in the end somehow ending up with something that looks half-way decent. Unlike much of my writing these days, which just feels like a slog through a jungle of noisy details and half-formed ideas, sketching is refreshing and satisfying, helping me to focus without overwhelming me. Perhaps I've just burned myself out with writing recently, putting too much pressure on myself, and so I need some nonverbal form of creativity and self-expression to loosen things up again.

It's also been a fantastic way to learn more about the animals and plants in the area. I'm not doing all that intense research, but I have been slowly gathering sources on specific species and such. Reading the two books on naturalist journaling that I got was a huge help in giving me some direction on how to focus and what to note while out in the field - and there's something satisfying with being able to carefully observe a creature that you're unfamiliar with, and then come home and look them up in a field guide and be able to identify them and learn something more about them. I especially like the "thought experiments" recommended in the book I just finished (Tomlinson's How to Keep a Naturalist's Notebook), asking questions about what the evidence can tell you about a certain animal and its habits, for instance. (The example she uses is the fox scat she finds, which leads her to question what direction it was facing when it relieved itself, what was it looking at, why did it choose that particular spot, were there other foxes around, etc. All from a few scat droppings and never even seeing the fox itself.) I do sometimes feel overwhelmed by the idea of asking questions I don't have answers to, or not even knowing what questions to ask. For instance, I'd like to ask myself where the chickadees who frequent the trees in our front yard actually make their nests, or where the hummingbird who sometimes perches on top of the tree goes once he's done with the neighbor's feeder. But I don't even know where I'd start to find the answers to those questions or how I could track down those places even if I could find out. I'm sure there are other things I could ask - like how the males attract the females, and when the mating season starts and when nest building occurs and how could I go about locating a nest, etc. - but the number of things I don't know seems somewhat overwhelming.

I'm just getting my feet wet in this and I have a feeling a lot of my learning will involve doing the research first and then setting myself tasks, like a scavenger hunt, to seek out certain things I've read about. And of course, the volunteer naturalist training will help a lot, too. I'm very excited about taking notes and then hopefully following up on what I've learned over the course of the following week. Nervous, of course, as I always am before something like this - but also eager. Sometimes I think I really do love learning much more than I enjoy putting that learning to any kind of practical use. For me, the exploration and discovery is the real treat, the same way that learning the little details about the person you're falling in love with is a pleasure in itself and not just a means to getting into their pants or something so crude. There is joy in growing into that kind of intimacy, and that's what I'm hoping to cultivate with this work - an intimacy with the land and landscape that has become my new home.

~

I'm also feeling motivated to exercise more. I've put on three more pounds since Christmas, so that I'm pretty much the heaviest I've ever been in my life. Even that isn't so overweight, but it's still more than I'd like and I'm sure it affects my energy levels and such. I think the primary cause is simply stress, and the fact that I've allowed that stress to lead me into some rather bad habits (like dessert after dinner every night). But I want to live a long and healthy life, so nipping those bad habits in the bud right now is a fairly high priority.

It's also a point of pride, I suppose. My mother always used having kids as an excuse for her weight gain, and while I can understand that I also think it was more of an excuse than it needed to be. There are healthy ways to cope with stress, and there are unhealthy ways. And since I have chosen to be child-free by choice, even if I am a stepmother, I have to admit that I do somewhat resent putting on stress-related weight because of all this bullshit nonsense of dealing - not with the kids, but with Emily and her insanity. I'm not sure how I managed to get so far down the rabbit hole of guilt and expectation even while fighting all along against her warped belief that a woman's job is to be a mother and failure at that - or rejection of that - was a failure to be fully mature and responsible. I have to admit, I hold a lot of resentment towards that woman, not only for how she treats me (which is piss poor on the best of days, and she never had been able to bring herself to treat me as an adult), but especially for how she treats Jeff. I could strangle her for that - even now, I find myself getting angry simply thinking about it. But we've let the lawyers know we will no longer be working with them, since they misled us and overcharged us so completely, and now it's going to be on Emily's dime to file for a custody adjustment, and we can be the ones who sit back and say "no" while insisting we want to be amiable and fair. See how she likes it. And since the current custody arrangement states that Jeff has 50/50 joint physical and legal custody and that all he needs is a verbal agreement from Emily to change the specifics of times, etc. - a verbal agreement which he got from her, in front of five other witnesses - it doesn't matter how long she takes to file for a custody adjustment, he can show up and get the kids any time he wants until that point. So we're finally in a position where we're holding the cards and she won't be able to force us to spend any more money or make us miserable. She hasn't has the guts to actually enforce the incredibly limited schedule that she proposed for Jeff talking to the kids on Skype (though she insists he can only talk to them until 2:30 PM PST/5:30 PM EST because that's when they have to have dinner, she's never once ever actually had dinner ready on time, so he's been able to talk to them for longer). Since they've set up a regular schedule, she also doesn't have any excuse for "accidentally" scheduling things during that time and so cutting into Jeff's time to talk with them - if she does, everyone will know that it's her incompetence and not Jeff's neglectfulness that is fucking things up.

But I'm tired of writing about this and feeling stressed and angry about it. Obviously, my health and weight issues are deeply tied up with my anxiety and stress about the kids. I've been carrying around a sense of responsibility and thus guilt for a long time, even though really I have very little control over the situation and probably shouldn't be shouldering as much as I have. I'm finally feeling a free - or at least freer - to release some of that and give up this notion that I have to compensate for Emily's warped vision so that I make sure the kids still like me. If they can like Emily, they can like me - she's pretty awful, after all. And even if they don't.... well, maybe that's just how it has to be. But I was just hearing again recently about the study they did on the number of friends any one person can actually keep track of, and how those communities tend to be pretty small, around 150 people. I've spent too much time over the last couple years worrying about trying to please people that I don't particularly like or respect - whether they're ex-wives or editors and bloggers online - and it's a waste of my 150 people to put so much effort into that. I should fill my 150 quota with people who support and love me and help me to be a better person. People who drag me down and stress me out and make me feel unworthy - why spend time worrying about them?

Maybe it would be a good exercise to go through and list the people in my life I appreciate for their support and caring and inspiration, and consciously try to cultivate a "community" of friends and colleagues who affirm me in my work. Something to keep in mind, maybe.

~

I'm about done with journaling for now. It's a beautiful, sunny morning and it's supposed to get up near 50º F later this afternoon (and even warmer tomorrow), so I think I'll go for a walk a bit later. For now, sitting in front of the computer screen is giving me a bit of a headache (and hurting my wrists trying to type at the desk). That might be another reason why writing has been difficult for me lately - trying to find a comfortable way to do it. The physical discomfort of being stuck in front of a tiny screen at an uncomfortable desk can definitely wear on a person. (This is just me wanting an excuse to get a nice new desktop, I know.) It's interesting that sketching and drawing can leave me feeling so refreshed - I do wonder if it's not partly because I'm not squinting at a computer screen the whole time in order to do it. Going back to taking notes and drafting my writing pieces in an actual, physical notebook might help with this writer's block, if part of it is due to physical discomfort. We'll see, anyway.

~

This morning, after yoga, I did some meditation - a Three Realms working to connect to land, sea and sky. I prayed to Brighid and Manannan, who now appear fairly often as a pair of columns - one of fire on my right, and one of water on my left. The sense of their presence was powerful and uplifting. I feel such gratitude and joy for the presence of my gods in my life. One thing I really want to do - maybe even this morning! - is set up an altar for them somewhere. Although we're mostly unpacked, I've been putting off unpacking the box(es) of small decorative and ritual items, hoping that we'll first get the curtains up in the various rooms. But the curtains are turning out to be a pain in the ass and we haven't gotten them up yet, so the apartment is still lacking most of those personal touches and sacred items that are usually placed and arranged carefully throughout the space. I want to get to that soon, though.

I also want to spend some time outdoors meditating and connecting more directly to the land. But despite what we were promised, it's been rather ridiculously cold (okay, hovering around freezing, which compared to Pittsburgh's usual 10 - 20 º weather this time of year isn't so bad) and not conducive to spending much time outdoors. I'm still trying to do some walking and occasionally jogging, though. And hopefully the weather will be warming up soon. It's certainly been sunnier this week than the last several, anyway. Though I do also enjoy the rain (much more than snow, anyway).

Naturalist Journal for the Pacific Northwest

I've started a naturalist journal as a way of exploring and connecting more deeply to the Seattle area and the ecosystem(s) of the Pacific Northwest. I'm hoping it'll also come in handy as a way of taking notes and studying as part of my training as a volunteer/amateur naturalist for the Seattle Parks services.

In addition to my physical journal, I'm planning to use Pinterest as a kind of digital naturalist journal where I can share not only my own field notes, sketches and photography, but also images and notes that I find from online resources as supplemental material. The board that I'll be using is here (for now, I may reorganize later).

I'm drawing initially on three main books about how to go about keeping a nature journal and doing drawings and sketches outdoors in the field.

Source: amazon.com via Alison on Pinterest

Source: amazon.com via Alison on Pinterest

Source: amazon.com via Alison on Pinterest

And here are a few samples from the first few pages of my journal:

Source: flickr.com via Alison on Pinterest

Source: flickr.com via Alison on Pinterest

Source: flickr.com via Alison on Pinterest

I'll be sharing more here somewhat regularly, hopefully.