Diary - Druidry and Environmentalism

Days of Note: New Field Poppy Moon

Sun: cancer (cardinal water), 5:53 AM - 8:54 PM
Moon: new moon, cancer (cardinal water), VoC
Earth: gorgeous, sunny, not to hot, clear and bright day, gentle breeze, couldn't be more perfect, really

Below is a response I posted to a thread about Druidry and Environmentalism on the TC Neo-Druidry SIG.

Druidry seems to have the reputation of being a "green" religion, taking a special interest in the natural world and our place in it. From ancient harvests of mistletoe from oak trees to modern celebrations of the solstice at Stonehenge, nature often plays a special role in how Druids see the world today.

Does environmentalism play a role in your Druidic path? How do you relate to nature, to both the environment around you and greater planetary concerns? Would you agree or disagree with the perception that Druidry is a "green" religion? Has increased nature awareness/environmentalism inspired you to make certain changes in your life (in your diet, recycling, spontaneous tree hugging, etc)?

Love this and the community service thread! Thanks for starting them. :)

I think you're right on the mark about Druidry's relationship to environmentalism. The Druid Revival began, along with the Romantic Period of the late 18th and early 19th centuries, at least in part in response to the Industrial Revolution and its dehumanizing, world-devouring influences. The Romantics (artists, poets, intellectuals, philosophers, etc.) were responding to the kind of Cartesian dualism that split the mind/spirit from the physical body and the material world. Valuing the aesthetic and spiritual qualities of the natural world was a big part of how they countered this dualism and sought to overcome it. I think these days folks have a tendency to dismiss Revival Druidry as "romanticism" (lower-case) as though to suggest that it's naively idealistic or inaccurate. There are some inaccuracies in it, of course, but Romanticism (upper-case) was a hugely important philosophical movement in the evolution of Western civilization, and modern day environmentalism and conservation (not to mention ecosophy and deep ecology, and even the scientific study of ecosystems to some extent) owe their existence to ideas first explored by the Romantics. If you really wanted to get technical, you could probably argue that any person today who uses the name "Druid" owes at least some thanks to the Romantics for their part in the revival of that spiritual archetype.

But it's not just Druidry's connection with the Romantics that suggests it has some "green" tendencies. From my understanding of ancient Celtic culture, the Celts tended to be much more concerned with the earth and (what we would call) "nature spirits" than some of the other ancient religious traditions of the time. In fact, that was one of the arguments the Romans used in support of their belief that the Celts were mere uncivilized barbarians - that they held their rituals outside among the trees in sacred groves and seemed to worship nature, instead of worshipping "proper" gods in elaborate temples full of refined sculptures. A deep connection with and respect for the natural world runs deeply through Celtic spirituality in general - and actually, it seems to me that the Wiccan focus on the natural world might actually stem from its early relationship (via Gerald Gardner and Ross Nichols) to Revival Druidry and Celtic spirituality. I think it's kind of a shame that some Reconstructionists I've met and talked to these days try to distance themselves from Wicca by dropping this nature-focus and focusing instead on polytheism as of primary importance. (That was actually a discussion we had on another thread, so I don't want to rehash it here! ;))

Personally, the focus on the natural world and environmentalism is so central to my understanding of Druidry, it's fair to say that it's the primary (if not entire) reason I became a Pagan to begin with. I had struggled all my life with the ambivalent role that nature and the earth played in Christianity, looking to saints like Francis of Assisi to try to ease my discomfort with how often world-denying the Christian tradition could be. In the end, though, it just wasn't enough - and when I discovered Druidry, it came as such a relief that here was a religious path where my love of the earth could take a central role. My relationship with the natural world and its wildernesses had always been my main way of connecting with the sacred, and here was a community where that was not only tolerated, but supported and encouraged! Fantastic! :)

My environmentalism has remained a central aspect of my Druidry ever since. My partner and I live very frugally and simply, to lessen our impact on the earth in every way we can. We do all the small stuff - washing our clothes in cold water, refusing to use the car unless absolutely necessary, walking or biking most places, eating a vegetarian diet of mostly local, organic foods, reducing our plastic use to almost nothing, composting in the backyard, etc. We also participate in local environmental activism when we can, and we try to get away into the woods of the local state park to camp at least every few months during reasonable weather. We also both write regularly to advocate for environmental awareness (I'm the blog project coordinator for No Unsacred Place). And since we're getting married in two and a half months, we've spent the past year planning a "green" wedding and we're going for Platinum Certification for our wedding through the Live Green Live Smart Institute.

But maybe one of the most important ways that we blend our environmentalism with our spirituality is by actually trying to cultivate and nurture our relationship with the local landscape. I've been studying deep ecology and eco-philosophy for the past year or so, and slowly been learning more and more about our bioregion and its needs and moods. My spiritual practice challenges me to move away from an anthropocentric worldview and learn to see the world and all its beings as part of a "ecology of Spirit," all interconnected and valuable in their own right.

Wow! I didn't mean for this to get so long! But it's such a great topic, and a really important one, too. :) Thanks again for starting the thread!

Diary

Days of Note: New Wind Tossed Moon

Sun: pisces (water/mutable), 6:51am - 6:13pm
Moon: new moon, pisces (water/mutable)
Earth: cold and bright, down into the teens this morning, but climbing into the 30s later in the day

Yesterday was a "Wedding Wednesday" day of planning and preparing for our next "Beer & Budget" meeting with my parents next week. Had a moment of panic in looking at the amount of work still to be done, not so much because I'm afraid I won't be able to do it all, but because there's so much to do I'm afraid I'll miss something, and the sheer amount is hard to organize into an attack plan for the next six months. After talking it over some with Jeff and making some lists over dinner (a belated Valentine's Day dinner out at the Melting Pot), I felt a little more able to approach the task of drawing up a detailed plan for the next three months and a general plan for the final three after that. Like last time, this Beer & Budget meeting is going to be at least half dedicated to going over the details of what we've already gotten done, which is a lot. I'm a little worried that we haven't heard back from the officiant about our desire to meet with him in person when we're actually down in the area in three weeks (after our business trip) — I was hoping to hear back from him this week so we could let my parents know about the intended meeting and also so we could arrange travel plans with Arthur about a return trip, if he's planning on driving down with us.

I'm also a little freaked about the Do It Yourself projects I have lined up, especially the one involving the customized drinking glasses. I have still not found a reliable and classy-looking way to get the glass paint to work, after experimenting on smaller pieces like votive candle holders. Our next experiment is going to be using the sand-blasting to get an "etched glass" look, see if we can get that to work with a handmade stencil using our design. And of course, there's the lawyer consultation, and anxiety in general about the florist, and the cake that my mom is supposedly handling (though she tends to leave this stuff to the last minute), and the music (I'm still not sure Raymond is even planning on coming, so relying on him to play for the ceremony is probably a no-go), and the dress (which is not as big an issue, honestly, I have a dress picked out and some intended alterations to make, and if it falls through I have a back-up choice that's under a hundred bucks that I could order and have ready in only a few weeks). In general, it's all the little stuff that I'm worried about losing track of, especially since it seems some of our vendors have a habit of saying, "Oh, we'll email that to you!" and then needing three or four reminders before they actually do it. Long distance planning.....

On the other hand, I have been thinking more and more recently how my approach to wedding planning (using "GULP") might also work for approaching my book manuscript — since I've now told Graeme I want to have that finished by June, originally thinking I could get it out of the way so that the last few months leading up to the wedding I wouldn't have to worry about it, but getting that finished and the website launched might be a bit over-ambitious. With the Christmas gift card from Steve and Phyllis, I got a couple books on organizing research and manuscripts for nonfiction books, and "growing your author platform," thinking that, like the Big Wedding Book I got, I can read them knowing I probably won't care about even half of what they say, but knowing how other people do it can give me something to go off of and tweak to my own needs. We'll see — the books arrived a few days ago, but I haven't been able to bring myself to read them yet.

Otherwise, today was mostly work after waking up quite early in the morning. I'm dreading "daylight savings time" when it'll go back to being dark until 7:30 each morning. Had a minor freak-out with Jeff over the issue of late checks — he got in touch with the woman in accounting who takes care of that, asking if there was anything I could do to try to keep the checks more regular instead of going a month at a time without an income, and her response was to point out that my contract says turn-around time on the invoices just has to be under two weeks. It bothered me more than it should have, but this has been twice now in only three months that there has there been a lengthy delay, and the first delay was three weeks long, so clearly my ability to enforce the contract is pretty much nil (and I pointed out the injustice of this to Jeff, at length). But what bothers me is that all I was asking was for more information — even just a response back saying the invoice had been received and was in-process — and her response felt like she was chiding me for being an impatient nag. It seems to me that replying with a two-minute email giving an acknowledgement that the invoice has been received and an estimate about when the check might be processed hardly pushes the boundaries of simple courtesy. It bothers me when I am trying to behave like a reasonable person, asking how we can both work to make things easier on both ends, and all I get back is a snippy response citing "contracts" that one party can ignore at will in any case. I do have the option of sending an invoice whenever I want, and could easily make things much harder by sending invoices every week, or even every few days, instead of twice a month as I have been. That would more than double her workload, which is why I've been content to just do biweekly, but if she's not going to meet me halfway on trying to get the check turn-around time lower than ten to twelve days (and erratic, at that), then I'm not sure what other options I really have. So much for me trying to be courteous by submitting regularly timed, reasonably spaced invoices to make everyone's lives easier.

When I'm a face author rolling in dough, these things will seem like such silly worries.

In terms of spiritual practice — other than the diet, which is demanding a lot of discipline and mindfulness from me most days, I find myself wanting to spend time in meditation or, especially, out in the woods, but without the time available between all the projects I'm trying to juggle. I'm eager to explore this relationship with Manannan, which seems to have receded a bit, though when I think about it, I get that thrill of excitement almost as though I'm musing on a new crush. I've been working to bring more mindfulness and presence to my daily activities, but when I'm stuck in front of a computer screen for hours at a time, it's difficult to do — as if there's nothing physical to be present to. The weather takes a dive in temperature whenever it's sunny enough out to be inviting, and only warms up when it's gray and drizzling. The other day (two days ago, or three, I think), we woke up to a gray, misty, rainy mornings in the low fifties. I was downstairs eating breakfast when Jeff decided to run out to the grocery store before settling down to work for the day — he came back in and asked if he could open the window in the dining room to share the morning with me, and his eyes were shining. The smell of spring came pouring through the open window, and the grass in the backyard suddenly seemed to be living again the way it hadn't been all winter, though it was still sparse and patchy. It was as if I could smell the spongey give of the muddy ground, and I actually started to cry a little with relief. Jeff nodded and said that had been his reaction, too, when he first stepped out. I'd wanted to go for a walk that day, but waited thinking it might get a bit warmer later in the day. Instead, the temperature dropped again until it was just too cold to go out into the woods. We did manage to go jogging together the day before yesterday, and that helped a bit with the cabin fever. But today, my body is not feeling comfortable at all, and after breakfast I actually had an intense wave of nausea hit me which resulted in me losing half of what I'd eaten back up into the toilet. I suspect that was just drainage from overnight fighting with the orange juice... but it does worry me a bit. I feel so desperate for spring, I can hardly stand it. Sitting in the study visualizing warmth and water and fire just does not have the same effect. I miss the earth and the woods deeply, and if the cold didn't make my skin so painful that it bleeds, I'd be outside much more. (All the more reason to move to Florida, at least for a little while. That, and the fact that the stars are aligned against me ever making any career progress here in Pittsburgh.)

Tomorrow, I only have a few hours of work left for the week in the morning, and I plan to spend the rest of the day working on revision for the book manuscript and possibly coming up with a GULP game-plan to get the revision done by June. I also want to email everyone who's agreed to sign on to the Green Pagan blog project, and write up a request for a few more writers for Jason to send out on the lists. Getting that off the ground would be fantastic (I'm reading Abram's Becoming Animal now and already it's amazing — though at times even a bit too heady with the poetic language for my taste).

Diary Tarot Card

© Stephanie Pui-Mun Law, The Shadowscape Tarot

The Empress (III) - Queen of the natural world in all its fecundity and lushness, she is a symbol of mother earth and her cycles of ceaseless creativity and regeneration. A card saturated with life and color, the joy of the senses and the sensuous, she represents the pleasure we take in our creative powers and a full-body engagement with this new blossoming, the first buds opening. She is the first unfurling and manifestation and the creative urge into the world, and as such she is wild and full of passion and self-giving, though still somewhat unstructured for the time being.

Six of Swords - A necessary journey through difficulty and strife, leaving these trials and tribulations behind as we move on to a brighter future. He nestles into the warm down of the swan's back as she carries him across a dark-clouded sky, high above the stormcrows where they perch hunched and black on their sharp swords. The journey is one of respite and renewal, providing comfort and perspective - but there may also be a risk of carrying those burdens with us, the unhealthy thought-patterns, expectations and attitudes that weighed us down and drained us of our energy in the past. This journey is a time of rest and recuperation, letting go of the past and looking forward to a welcoming future ahead.

Ace of Swords - A new beginning, the gift of clarity and insight that helps us put what was once chaotic into order and gain the perspective and knowledge we need to see the truth of things, and work towards that truth with justice and reason. Perhaps the start of a new intellectual endeavor or a break-through that will lead to new ideas and insights.

Story - A story that moves from the past into the future: the Empress faces to the right, towards the Six of Swords, her left hand upraised in blessings as the butterflies dance and swirl in brilliant patterns of color before her. She is the creative urge, so closely connected with my sensuous relationship with the earth and the woods, that I have felt in the past: a joy that pulses through me and manifests in spinning words in poetry and story, but has often lacked the structure (and I, the discipline) to sustain any long projects. The Six of Swords continues the journey on the back of a graceful white swan, facing to the right again, moving through a period in the present characterized by difficulty and struggle as I work to leave behind old, unhelpful patterns of thought and allow the forced rest and withdrawal of winter to give me an opportunity to gain perspective and reevaluate. In the final card, the Ace of Swords, the journey comes to an end, the upright sword surrounded by both swans and butterflies in joyful celebration — the integration of the creative self and its denizens, the butterflies, with the fierce commitment and graceful strength of the swans necessary to make the long journey, and at their center, the Sword of Light, both poetry and intellect, creativity and the insight and clarity to order that creativity in a way that will give birth to a new beginning, new projects yet to come.

Brigid Star Fire, An Imbolc Meditation

I began in a field, a green expanse full of flowers and bright sunlight unrolling on all sides. A figure danced in green and gold rippling, barely distinguishable at first from the wind shifting and dancing through the long grasses — yet as she moved closer, I was able to make her out. Eyes that flashed black and full of stars, a glimpse here and there in her turning and spiraling of a darkness, glinting cold and dark, then slipping, spinning back into green and gold. The mantle she wore spun out around her as she turned and danced, the colors of its threads flung out like sparks from a fire, leaping, or like flower petals of purple crocuses and myriad colored wildflowers — some falling to the ground to spring up as blossoms from scattered seeds, while others fluttered, took flight as a thousand butterflies flirting with the warm breeze.

So unlikely a scene, in the midst of this cold and bitterly long winter, that it took me a moment to adjust, to sink more deeply into the sense of place and allow myself to enter, to engage, the awakened land. The candle on my altar — the golden fire-in-the-water afloat among golden flecks of glitter in the blue bowl, the flame of transformation and forge fire that marked the opened center way — hissed and sparked as it consumed the offering of butter. On either side, the red candle of fire, poetry and inspiration and the blue candle of water, healing and integration burned steadily in their holders. But my eyes were closed, as I sunk deeper into trance. The green, gold meadow grew more intense in my mind's eye as I slipped down into my true center.

What is this dancing? I asked her, running to keep up as she laughed and twirled. What do you have to teach me, Brigid? Is spring here already? It seems so cold still. She seemed to ignore my half-frantic questions, challenging me with her movements to stay on my toes. Suddenly, she flopped down in the grass like a small girl, giggling, laying on her stomach propped up on her elbows, running her fingers through the grasses and flower blossoms. Her gold-flamed auburn hair fell around her face in braids, and the soles of her bare feet were slightly darkened with the dirt of the earth. I looked more closely at where her fingers were playing and dancing through the rich flora of the meadow. She plucked a white-fuzzed sphere of a dandelion and sat up, cross-legged, and held it up between us for me to examine. "Funny," she mused, "How the same flower that can be so golden and bright as the sun — turns to white, soft fluff carried on the wind when it goes to seed...." She took a deep breath and blew, closing her eyes for a moment as if making a wish. The we both watched as the seeds one by one let loose and drifted like snow across the wide field — some snagging in the nearby grasses and trembling there, others carried far and high until they were lost to our sight against the bright sky. "How much they look like tiny stars!" Brigid exclaimed, and she was on her feet again, running and dancing among the flowers. The field seemed suddenly full of dandelions, most of them golden yellow and bristling with sunshine. When Brigid found one ready to seed, a crystal fuzz-ball of intricate webbing in white, she'd flick it with her toe as she danced past, sending the seeds scattering to the wind.

But, I called out, what about my work? What work should I be doing? I have been so tired, it's so hard for me to work up the energy to stick to a discipline. You are the Goddess of the Forge, of the steady and unglamorous work of transformation! Don't you have any advice for me? She laughed with that laugh that always seems to mean, "You just don't get it, darling!" She continued dancing through the green, sun-bathed fields, calling out behind her, "The dandelion is not always sunny. Sometimes it must go to seed to survive, sometimes it must put down deep roots! Not every season is the season of discipline and work! Things change! I am not just a goddess of transformation — I am also the goddess of inspiration!" As if in response to these words, on my altar the red candle sparked and hissed, and its flame danced in its holder. "Now it's time for you to indulge in some joy, my darling!" Brigid announced, catching me up with her hands and swinging me around trying to urge me to dance. "Now is a time for the joy of inspiration — do what brings you joy, find again the playfulness in yourself. Now is not a time for work — I am sick of work — now is the time to play! As the spring comes and the days warm, play and be joyful! These are your duties now, to dance the spring in, to welcome it as it deserves!"

Her words kept coming, urging me to seek again the source of my joy, to sing my soul-song in playful notes, and set aside my worries about obligation and progress. Moved by her words, I joined her dancing, and together we spiraled and swirled and skipped through the grasses, singing and laughing beneath a high, bright sky. After a time, I asked her, Should I — I mean, you are my goddess. Should I take an oath to you, a formal vow? She scoffed kindly at my question. But others in our group have done so — and I have no doubt in my heart that I am devoted to you... Her dance slowed beside me so that she could gaze more deeply into my eyes. "For others," she said, "An oath is like the spiderweb that connects and weaves them together in my service — and it is on those strands that the jewels of transformation, devotion and inspiration collect like dew. But you — you are already too full of duties and responsibilities, shouldering too much of the world as an obligation. No, you do not need to make any more promises to me that you have not already made. What you need to learn.... is a little bit of joy and freedom!" And with that, we were spinning again, dancing. The red candle on the altar sparked and danced along.

And as the trance deepened, as I slipped in and out of the rhythm of the spiraling dance across the meadow, it seemed that suddenly she caught me up in an embrace full of passion and joy, kissing me deep on the mouth — her breath becoming my breath, sweet and warm with the scent of flowers and greenery in springtime. I opened my arms to embrace her, and found I was embracing nothing but breeze and sunlight, as my body shivered, transfused with a sudden warmth tingling in every cell. She had entered into my body, or merged, or blended — I found myself to now be wearing the lush green robe and mantle hemmed with golden knotwork ribbon weaving its patterns along each edge, and as I spun, it rippled out around me in long undulating waves that seemed the very expression of joy and creativity rooted deep within the earth. The dandelion seeds drifted white around me, and soon the field was full of them, wafting as thick as snow but warm and soft. I found the meadow had grown dark and the seeds drifted upwards to mingle with the stars against the darkness of the night sky. I seemed to hear her voice from within — yet from a great distance — "What you need to learn, child, is how to plant the seeds of joy in your heart and nurture them as they crave. What grows of these — leave that to me...."

Then slipping quickly back, the trance came to an end and I was sitting before my altar again, watching the three flames burning steady and silent in the still air. Dipping my finger in the butter again, I consecrated a fourth candle, a large white pillar in a red-and-orange stained glass hurricane jar. This was to be my flamekeeping candle for the coming year, lit and tended every twenty days during my shift. What promises you have from me are already enough, Brigid? I pray this is so, and that I may keep them dear....

Daily Diary

Sun: sagittarius (fire/mutable), 7:29am - 4:53pm
Moon: new moon, sagittarius (fire/mutable)
Earth: sunny for now and very cold, snow likely later in the day

Thoughts: thinking about finish the blog post and putting it up, just to get it finished; thinking about the various things I want to get done today, including a few hours of work and some housecleaning, vacuuming and especially in the bathrooms; also thinking about updating the wedding blog; eventually having to deal with Emily, send some kind of email in response to her ranting at Jeff last night and threatening to not let him see the kids because she wasn't invited to the wedding

Actions: yoga this morning, a few hours or work, then break for lunch and some cleaning, then a few more hours of work, then dinner, see what my energy level is for finishing up the blog post and posting the first part; post to wedding blog as well (poem today); tonight do some meditative work with the aspects of Brigid as per the Lady of the Stars group stuff, see how that goes

Connections: mind running noisy again this morning, hard to focus; most of what's "on my mind" is noise and chatter, not many ideas to narrow in on other than a running list of what I need to get done today; need to figure out how to clear out the mental clutter to some extent, focus in on meditation and why it doesn't seem to be helping much

Daily Tarot Card: The Page of Cups is a card of (perhaps yet unrealized) potential for emotional depth and psychic abilities, dwelling in dream and imagination, reveling in a romantic, almost idealistic relationship to the world. There is some small risk of not having the maturity to manifest all of the self-realization and potential one is capable of, but there is also great promise held within this card. Pui-Mun Law writes, "The Page of Cups is sentimental. She is a true romantic at heart, and in a world that is filled with so much noise and bustle, she longs for the time and space to simply breathe and to truly take in the pleasures that abound."

(My note: Sound familiar? I'm thinking I may need to approach meditation in the mornings differently, perhaps delaying the diary entry until the evening and spending the morning time instead simply getting focused and quieting the mind. Also, for several nights in a row now I've had what seem to be vivid or intense dreams, though they're often hard to recall afterwards. They leave me with the impression of having witnessed a story. Perhaps this card is also a reminder, once again, to pursue some creative writing as an alternative to blogging. And to stop just talking about it and get my butt in gear.)

Daily Diary

Days of Note: New Moon (Star Frost Moon)

Sun: sagittarius (fire/mutable), 7:28am - 4:53pm
Moon: new moon, star frost moon, sagittarius (fire/mutable)
Earth: snowing all day, sometimes quite heavily, a good inch or so on the ground now, sun sometimes breaking low through the clouds in the afternoon

Thoughts: last night, struggled with some frustration and sadness over feeling ignored and unsupported in my writing, especially when it came to the blogging, but this morning woke up once again in a good mood; turns out, Emily had sent an email to Jeff saying she was hurt about not being invited to the wedding and not being "kept in the loop" on the plans (this was from a few days ago, Jeff hadn't seen the email until this morning), so we spent some time discussing how to respond and he sent an email response this morning asking for clarification on what exactly she was upset about and why (I suggested he point out that, since there was less than six months between when she and Jeremy announced they were engaged and then tied the knot, receiving our save the date card more than ten months in advance of our wedding should certainly count as "being in the loop" and planning ahead - but he decided not to include that because he didn't trust his memory, though I definitely remember because they made the announcement to us in late November/early December of last year when we met to discuss Savanah's schooling options, and they were married in early June); other than that, I've been brainstorming about a project to develop my own divination system of castings using natural objects, but I want to spend more time with the tarot before rushing off to a new system, especially since it's been working so well so far

Actions: yoga this morning, despite not really wanting to, but very glad I did since I've felt loose and energetic all day (the first day since starting up yoga again that I haven't been sore); then a nice breakfast with the kids, then a trip to Phipps where the younger two got to sit on Santa's lap and get a picture with him, and in general we had a very nice time; then back here for Savanah's Druidry lesson (write up coming later tonight or tomorrow); while Jeff dropped off the kids, I spent some time fiddling with blog layout and settings, trying to find one that looks classy to use for the wedding blog; probably just relaxing for the rest of the evening

Connections: as usual, my thoughts while the kids are here are dominated by Emily-related stress and complications, which is only to be expected; I find it's becoming easier and easier to laugh it off and move on to more important things, and to take her tantrums and tirades with a certain amount of grace and good humor; Savanah seems to be getting a lot out of her Druidry work and enjoying it, though she continues to act intimidated by the simple journaling questions we give her, which makes me wonder if she's being challenged by homeschooling (is she not doing enough independent work and thinking for herself? she just finished a big group project that involved researching lung cancer and building robots... how could that seem less daunting than asking her to journal about her favorite aspects of earth, air, fire and water? how much of that work was truly self-directed, and how much was helicopter-parent directed, I wonder?)

Daily Tarot Card: The Queen of Cups is a nexus of creativity and intuitive connection, a meeting and blending between the realm of the everyday ordinary and the depths of the unconscious. She enjoys a mature relationship with those around her while remaining open to the more mysterious currents of intuition and imagination, navigating the flux and chaos of unconscious forces as they play themselves out within herself and others. She seeks the wisdom of the ocean depths and the far-distant stars, and balances these with her own inner wisdom, acting in the world with deft emotional sensitivity and harmony to what goes on around her. What seem to be flights of fancy or missteps into potentially dangerous territory are, for her, paths of connection and creativity that she treads with trust and grace.

Daily Diary

Sun: sagittarius (fire/mutable), 7:27am - 4:53pm
Moon: new moon, sagittarius (fire/mutable)
Earth: cold, slightly cloudy, no snow but generally rather dim and wintery

Thoughts: feeling fatigued, worn out; mind wandering over various writing projects, potential fiction writing; also spending time on Facebook, thinking about "No Impact Man" and his backward philosophy of eco-friendly consumerism; reading some in the Plotkin book and contemplating elderhood and wisdom

Actions: a lazy day today; I'd planned to work a few more hours, but I'm feeling generally quite tired and drained, so I've just been poking around the house and spending some time online; my back and arm muscles feel sore from yoga, which probably just means I need to be doing it more consistently in the mornings to loosen up and build strength; the two oldest girls have some big homeschooling-related thing today, so they've been gone all morning and Jeff's taken the two littler ones to go to a presentation and then pick them up; afterwards, dinner and general quiet time (I hope), maybe a walk in the park or a nap

Connections: generally feeling worn out, so not sure of any connections; thoughts meandering, and I find that I have the desire to curl up with a good book for a while; wish there were more really good fiction books to read... which is what has me thinking about writing one myself (they always say write the book you want to read)

Daily Tarot Card: Once again, I draw the Page of Wands, but as I cut the deck, it seems to divide too easily, so that I wonder if the card itself has been bent in some way to make it more likely to draw. I do not see the relevance of the Page of Wands, bursting with enthusiasm and energy and the center of attention, and so I draw again. The Ten of Wands, a card of burden-bearing and perhaps taking on too much, trying to do everything, often the hard way and sometimes when not everything needs doing. A great weight rests on her back - I can only imagine she must feel as sore as I do right now. But still, I'm not satisfied with the reading, so I draw yet again: the Ace of Cups. A card of beginnings, fruitfulness and potential, the Ace of Cups overflows with love, emotion and connection, sending ripples out into the world and giving us a glimpse of our own intuition, imagination and creativity, source of our dreams and fantasies. I am reminded that today is my "Wellkeeping" shift - perhaps a good day to explore dream and fantasy through some creative work, relieved of the burden of new projects and old for a little while.

Daily Diary

Sun: scorpio, water/fixed
Moon: waxing crescent just past new, sagittarius (fire/mutable)
Earth: gorgeous sunny morning, freezing temperatures up to mid-40s

Thoughts: brainstorming techniques to try with wood image-transfer (pendants, prayer beads, plaques, etc.); frustration with kids being clingy and constantly needing direction or to be entertained (so much for the theory that kids this age are naturally curious about the world); also, their obsession with whistling (thanks to Jeremy), which I can just deal with; thinking about a "politics of sustainability" post, rooting community order in patterns of the natural world; going over lesson plans for Savanah

Actions: yoga this morning, meditation, breakfast, shower, lesson with Savanah, trip to Phipps with all the kids, lunch, trip to library, call Dad at some point, straighten up after kids leave for the day, dinner

Connections: Sundays are days with the most structure to them activity-wise, because of the kids; had a little breakdown yesterday in frustration over trying to negotiate with Emily (which is like talking to a brick wall, except not as reliable); told the kids yesterday about Jeff and I getting married — they seemed less excited/interested than we expected and had almost no questions; still not sure what to do about Emily regarding her "well intended advice" about how to plan our wedding; none of this seems like "connections" between thoughts and activities, except that it boils down to the kids being used to being told constantly what they should be doing and being at a loss without adults there to hover and instruct (not a surprise, since this is how Emily treats over adults); also Jerilynn told us the books we got her as a birthday present were taken away as a "punishment," though she doesn't know what for, and we suspect it's that she uses reading as a coping mechanism, getting so lost in books that she "forgets" to follow the constant instructions being shouted at her by various family members; we try to limit this kind of instruction, Jerilynn is one of the few kids who knows how to entertain herself; taking books away (in particular books that just happen to be from Jeff and me) doesn't seem like it addresses the problem.... being a soon-to-be step-mom is incredibly frustrating; yet Sundays are enjoyable days, the kids always love going to Phipps and the library

Daily Tarot Card: The Queen of Wands is dedicated, passionate and active in her engagement with the world. Sincerity and involvement are her defining characteristics, and her pursuits inspire enthusiasm and interest in others. She appreciates the desire for attention, both in herself and in others, but in her maturity she is able to mitigate this desire, responding to it appropriately and expressing her energy in ways that invite participation, rather than overwhelm or overrule the interests or needs of those around her. (My note: This seems to be a card offering guidance, a potential approach to handling the frustration of the kids. Sunday activities seem a good place to start.)

Daily Diary

Days of Note: Flamekeeping, New Moon

Sun: scorpio, water/fixed (water, west, emotions, calas)
Moon: fire friend - new moon, scorpio
Earth: gray, just above freezing, call for some precipitation, possibly snow-rain-mix

Thoughts: how out of practice I am with daily meditation after less than two months of interruption; strange dreams last night about a pirate ship coasting through flooded streets on a stormy night; brainstorming a post on anarchism and democracy; wondering what new responsibilities will come with the PNC editorial coordinator position; wondering about the slightly cold-shoulder reception in DOTR forums; thinking about Brigid as Mystery and the use of the word "mystery" in initiatory witchcraft traditions; wondering what Jeff has planned for Samhain ritual with the kids, other than what we went over last night; wonder if Savanah will remember to bring her new Tarot deck and be ready for her first lesson (better think of an alternate lesson plan is she forgets)

Actions: go to Mocha Café for morning work while Jeff picks up kids; post Keeping the Days post to Meadowsweet; reformat craft project post; read two articles on Brigid as creatrix/fire-in-wate; Samhain ritual tonight; dinner and gift exchange — wrap Josh's birthday gift; finish craft project to see how it turned out (maybe do some painting this afternoon? kids will ask to do it, too, which will be messy and use up a ton of paint)

Connections: some down time today, plenty to think about but not too many things that absolutely need to get done; the irony is I used to spend these days waitressing, which required a certain amount of mind-emptying and focus, now I spent so much time thinking about everything and planning, but rarely have any "down time" mentally; this may be why meditation has become so much harder recently - waitressing itself used to be a kind of meditation for me; crafts now act as a kind of "down time" — but with four kids, it's impossible to do crafts around them without them asking to do it, too, and (I don't know if they get this from their mother or what) they go through craft supplies like they grow on trees — Josh once cut up several sheets of paper into tiny squares just b/c he was bored! — which would be fine, if there weren't four of them); so I resist wanting to do crafts with them — which maybe isn't the best attitude to have... sigh....

Daily Tarot Card: Justice (XI) weighs all sides of the issue with fairness and impartiality in mind, seeking balance and harmony, equilibrium between the subconscious and the conscious, between responsibilities and desires. An inward-looking card, its challenge is to look within with humility to see how conflicts in the external world mirror or arise from internal conflicts. On the card of this deck, Justice holds a feather like a sword, and the soul-self must be weighed against it — which calls to mind the necessary lightness of being and nonattachment the Buddhists talk about, balance and equanimity towards all things. (What is the deal with all these Major Arcana cards coming up recently?)

Daily Diary

Days of Note: Guy Fawkes Day, Josh's Birthday, Flamekeeping starts at sunset

Sun: scorpio, water/fixed (water, west, emotion, calas)
Moon: waning crescent one day from new
Earth: steady rain, gray and dim (low 40s), chance of snow overnight!

Thoughts: woke up this morning worrying about the medical bills for the work-related injury back in June that my old employer is still refusing to pay, feeling out of things to try other than getting a lawyer (which I obviously can't afford); wondering how the donation drive for Meadowsweet will go; wondering about how to find shampoo that is both eco-friendly (and not in plastic) and doesn't irritate a sensitive scalp; thinking about Brigid as creatrix, fire-within-water; trying to plan ahead about future essays and writing projects; in fact, a lot of thinking-about-/planning-to-do things like exercise, meditation, guitar practice, etc.

Actions: announced Meadowsweet donation drive, updated FB Meadowsweet page; complete image-to-wood transfer project and see results; finish up DOTR lesson 2 sky work; straighten up the house before kids come for the weekend; help Jeff plan a Samhain ceremony for the kids

Connections: one of those days when I feel as though I don't have a long list of things that must get done today, so I spend a lot of time trying to think ahead about how I want things to be; tend to put off implementing plans until "the timing is right," the start of a new week/moon/season, and in the meantime just feel worried and like I'm treading water; also, today seems to be one of our random-worries-about-money day (Jeff had to make a trip to the bank because his online access to his account was screwy — all worked out fine, but again, random money stress for no apparent reason)

Daily Tarot Card: The Hanged Man (XII) may indicate a time when the odds seem stacked, life has become in some way dissatisfying, and yet the subtler understanding of acceptance, surrender to life's sun-and-shadow, and sacrifice through a withdrawal or re-centering in the soul, the heart of the self. A reversal of the usual perspective, a gravity towards spiritual matters rather than "worldly" matters (my note: though to some extent this is a false dichotomy and the world itself is infused with spirit and soul, the Hanged Man's "center of gravity" may be towards "heaven" but his eyes now turn towards the earth below him).