Storyteller Spread Day 9: Treasure and Home

I'm on Day 9 of using Dianne Sylvan's Storyteller spread, today pulling the card for the ninth and tenth positions, representing The Treasure and Home.

The position held by Card 9 represents the Treasure, that which the Key (Card 8) unlocks, the outcome of the quest and the final reward for the challenges faced and overcome. Card 10 represents Home - the hero's journey has come to an end, and this last card represents how she will integrate her new skills and gifts into her life and bring them back home (or perhaps, move on to another adventure).

For the Treasure, I drew the Three of Swords - a card of heartbreak and betrayal, although there may also be some suggestion of a willing sacrifice. This card is not a final state, but a transition - the number three is a first manifestation or expression that arises from the tension and duality of two - and so this pierced heart (in this deck symbolized by a swan pierced by three swords) is not a permanent state of brokenness but a step along the continuing journey.

I was a bit surprised and discouraged to see this card - almost always interpreted as pretty straight-forwardly negative - in the position of the Treasure, although it certainly seems in keeping with the Four of Cups in the position of the Key. My immediate reaction was to think that this whole process, this quest, would just end in disappointment, betrayal and heartbreak. But the card also reminds me of the concept of the raw and exposed heart - the tender heart that is so exposed and so intimate with all things that it feels not just intense joy but also immense sorrow. This is a state of utter openness to the world, a deep vulnerability. Though it might not be the kind of reward I was hoping for, many of the other cards in the spread (which speak of finding balance between conscious and unconscious, between will and soul) seem to be leading up to this point. Even in the top row of cards (Cards 3, 6 and 9) there seems to be a progression, with Card 3, the Pack (the skills and assets the hero begins with) being the Eight of Swords, also depicting a swan pierced by swords and trapped by thorns. Card 6, which is itself the Sword (the unexpected gift or strength the hero discovers within herself that helps her defeat the Dragon in Card 7), is Temperance, which is an evolution of the calmness and hope counseled in Card 3. In this sense, the Three of Swords in Card 9 is a natural evolution, a heart that is willingly bared and raw, in which the swan no longer struggles against the blades. If you think of swords as a symbol of communication and intellect, this may even suggest a process by which cultivating centered temperance gives me a more "penetrating" insight into the realm of the heart/emotions/unconscious, or perhaps allows me to communicate about that realm more effectively in a way that touches others.

The two supporting cards I pulled for Card 9 were the Tower and the Hermit. Again, both major arcana cards supporting a minor arcana card. In the Tower, there is a suggestion that what has been built up in the past will come crashing down and the world will turn upside-down - and the Hermit certainly suggestions a time of leaving behind the life you've known before and journeying into the wild in search of truth and guidance. I'm not sure I have any deep thoughts on these cards - perhaps time will tell.

For Card 10, Home, I drew Death. Yeah, that's right.

So returning home to integrate these new gifts and skills into ordinary life will be a deeply, fundamentally transformative experience in which I literally die to my old self. .....Yay. Although I can't feel too bad about that (the imagery and artistry of the Death card in this deck, which depicts a phoenix triumphant, is so beautiful it's hard to feel bad about drawing it), part of me is not exactly thrilled that I'm going to face yet another transformative, (r)evolutionary transition or experience. (I think I've written about this before - about how sometimes I get sick of always have to evolve and transform with these spiritual or metaphorical deaths - but I guess that's Pluto's influence in me.)

The two supporting cards for this final drawing are: the King of Wands and the Seven of Wands. So once again, it seems clear that this is related to my projects and initiatives, and probably in particular my podcast work and my work as a volunteer naturalist. The King of Wands is a powerful figure who holds a great fiery energy in careful check, curved around himself like wings. He is a figure of clear sovereignty and power, but also of charisma and active initiative, although all of this is expressed through structure and order. The Seven of Wands is also a fairly position card (at least in this deck), depicting a mother fox protecting her young in an act of selfless courage - it is a card that symbolizes standing up for what you believe in and fighting for what you care about, and finding without yourself the courage and faith to overcome all obstacles even in the face of discouragement and competition. The fact that the artist specifically mentions faith is not necessarily a coincidence, I think.

I'm feeling somewhat bewildered by these intense cards and not sure exactly how to interpret them (though part of me keeps wondering just how much my daily drawings are influenced by my own moods and energies on a given day - since in the past couple days my period has started and my mood has, as usual, become somewhat worn and stretched thin (like butter over too much bread). Perhaps it would be helpful to revisit this spread at some point later, drawing all ten cards during the same session to see what insights they might yield.

I also want to experiment with a new spread Jeff has discovered in the book that accompanied his new steampunk tarot deck - one in which you rearrange the spread as you go and use the cards like interlocking gears to explore alternative outcomes and how to get there. Half divination, half magical working. I'd be curious about exploring that.

I also want to know what Jeff plans to do as his final "wrap-up" ritual as part of this spiritual work. I'd like to do something for myself, but I think I'll need at least a few days to ponder it and come up with something.

* I should add - Google has updated the Blogger UI and managed to make it suck even harder in a pretty profound way (like, f'ex, not automatically inserting paragraph breaks in the html, and also generally just making the dashboard hard to navigate with WAY TOO MUCH WHITE SPACE and, bizarrely, no bottom margin so that I'm literally typing at the very bottom of my screen with no way to scroll). So.... yeah. Good job, Google. What the fuck? Do you have a lot of self-hatred or something? Are you trying to fail? Are you trying to make people not like you? ::headdesk::

Storyteller Spread Day 8: Key

I'm on Day 8 of using Dianne Sylvan's Storyteller spread, today pulling the card for the eighth position, representing The Key.

The Key is what will unlock the Treasure (Card 9), the reward or gift that results from facing the Dragon (Card 7) and overcoming that challenge. It represents the evolution of the Dream (Card 2) - how the hero's motivations have changed during her journey and it offers divine guidance on how to move forward.

The card I drew for this position was the Four of Cups - arguably the first "negative" card of the spread. I'm not sure how to interpret this card in this position. In this deck, the card depicts a mermaid, and the artist tells the story of one who has grown bored with the constant monotony of the sea and its beings, so she swims higher than she's ever gone before and hoists herself out onto land. For a moment, lost in thought and day-dream, she has a glimpse of a realm of sky and sea blended, the water a perfect mirror of the sky so that the horizon seems to disappear - and for the first time she sees her own reflection and is able to perceive her beauty. Then this day-dream is disturbed as she reaches out to touch her reflection in the water, and she realizes the strange denizens of the air are watching her and she is not as alone as she thought. She begins to feel the cold dry air on her skin and longs to slip back into the ocean and return to her watery home.

The number four represents stability and form, but it is often interpreted among the suits as an expression of stagnation and fossilization, becoming trapped in patterns - in the case of Cups, becoming emotionally disengaged and bored, wallowing in self-indulgence and old emotional habits or patterns. Yet there's also a kind of echoing dualism in the number four (2 + 2 and 2 X 2) that creates the potential for dynamic tension that can raise the energies of the suit or card to a new level. It seems like this is what the artist of this deck was exploring when she depicted the story of the mermaid who sought the surface - though there is self-indulgence, there is also an opportunity for real introspection and a glimpse of the self that has never been seen before (which I guess makes sense - if we can take a step back and recognize emotional patterns or habits as they are and perhaps see where they come from).

I'm not entirely sure if this card is showing me a "negative" truth, the realization of which (and so the avoidance or transformation that may result) is the "key" to unlocking the treasure.... or if the card is meant to represent some more obscure but positive "key." Is the key here what I should avoid, or what I should come to appreciate as a blessing in disguise? I'm just not sure.

I drew two supporting cards seeking clarity on this question, and the two that I drew were the High Priestess (II) and the Chariot (VII). Again, two major arcana cards supporting a minor arcana card - and as in previous spreads, both major arcana cards face in towards the center, towards each other and towards the primary card of the spread. Both of these cards express a certain duality in them. The Chariot, for obvious reasons: the mastering of two wild charges who both want to go each their own way, who have been brought into relationship and mastered - this card, I've always understood, represents the mastery of will and self-discipline, and to some extent the conscious mind, over the wildness of the subconscious with its urges and desires (and fears and uncertainties). The goddess of victory tames even the depths of the sea, which calms for her as she rides her chariot across it. The High Priestess is also a card of duality: the card is numbered II (although technically its the third major arcana card the way they're normally organized), and the High Priestess herself stands between the two pillars which, in this deck, are depicted as the forking limbs of a mighty tree. She spread her two arms wide, creating a kind of chalice of her body. She stands upon the threshold to the mysteries, especially the dark mysteries of the subconscious realm. So these two cards, in addition to representing dualities in themselves, also reflect two aspects of a central duality: the balance between subconscious and conscious mind. In each, a goddess aspires to the heights of her power, the epitome and very embodiment of her realm. Even their postures seem to mirror each other - the High Priestess raises her arms and lifts her hands above her, while the Chariot goddess throws her arms down and back, hands outstretched to her sides.

I'm still left wondering what exactly this Key is. If this is meant to be an evolution of the Dream - the Ace of Cups - perhaps it is the maturation of the vision seen reflected in the gift of the chalice, this time brought into manifestation and form. If the Four of Cups represents not only a certain risk of boredom and stagnation but also an opportunity to push beyond that to the next "level" or plane, then it seems the energies of the major arcana cards are supporting that effort with all the power they can muster. I'm just not sure how this will manifest in my life - perhaps taking on more public roles as a podcast and as a volunteer teacher will give me a chance to step back and see myself for the first time, even if I have to push myself "out of my element" every once in a while. What strikes me about the Four of Cups is that, though there are four chalices carried by the air sprites, the ocean itself could be thought of as a fifth chalice. And while the mermaid may ignore the other four, she gives her full attention, as well as her longing, to that far vaster and deeper chalice of the sea - and she can always go back to it whenever she likes, there is nothing forcing her to stay on land but her own will and determination. Considering that I began this journey with the Nine of Cups, utterly submersed in the watery realms, perhaps the "key" that this latest card represents is just the reminded that the vision, the dream, is still alive and it is possible to return to that vision for renewal and a refreshed, revived sense of motivation whenever I need it. And maybe by doing so, I'll step more fully into the roles of High Priestess and Charioteer alike, both sovereign of my own conscious mind and will and devotee to the deeper mysteries of the subconscious realms of the soul

Storyteller Spread Day 7: Dragons

I'm on Day 7 of using Dianne Sylvan's Storyteller spread, today pulling the card for the seventh position, representing The Dragon.

The Dragon is the card that represents the central issue or challenge at the heart of the entire journey or quest - the main obstacle that the hero will face along her path, the challenge that she has been called upon all along through dream and vision to rise to meet. It's the "Big Bad" - what needs to be confronted, overcome, understood and integrated in order for the hero to move forward and obtain the key and treasure which she will bring back to her home and her community at the end of the quest.

For this card, I drew the Two of Wands. I find this interesting - Wands have appeared consistently as a very important suit throughout this meditative work, but this is the first time that a card of that suit has actually appeared in a primary position in the spread. The Two of Wands depicts a courageous leader perched atop a cliff, seated astride a powerful lion, gazing out across the lands that stretch away below her. She has worked hard to attain this success and authority over the lands she now rules, and she has had to embody not only self-discipline and dedication but also boldness, courage, willingness to take risks. Yet now, the place she finds herself in is somewhat isolated and isolating - her authority and success has effectively raised her above others and kept her separate and apart. There is an ambivalence and duality in this card that must be confronted, contemplated and weighed in the balance. The polarity of Two can give rise to balance, harmony and the kind of in-tune tension that sings when played well - but it can also create harmful tension, stress and unhealthy dualism that results in division and strife.

This card to me seems to speak directly to the task I have before me: the biggest challenge will be handling the success, and what it will demand of me in terms of work and commitment, courage and bravery. Success in this initiative is a mixed blessing, as it will undoubtedly require a great deal of time and energy to keep it going. Perhaps I also have a fear of such success, for the ways in which it might beholden me to others and "lock me in" to a structure that might not suit me in the long run, or simply not be flexible enough.

Yet the polarity of two, and the emphasis on balance in the last several cards, seems to suggest also that this is a challenge that I can overcome, that I can face with grace and learn how to handle adeptly given enough time and practice (and patience!). The two supporting cards I drew were The World (XXI) and The Emperor (IV) - once again, it seems that there are incredibly powerful spiritual forces at play in what might on the surface seem to be a fairly mundane, small matter of a job. The images of the World and Emperor seem to echo each other in important ways - both figures hold a sphere or globe of light, both figures stand before a circular background that seems to encompass the all of everything, both figures even where horned headdresses. This last point might not be all that important, but it strikes me as curious. The horns of the Emperor - being two - seem to reflect the two wands of the primary card; whereas the horned headdress of the World figure has only a single horn curving away from her forward, almost like a unicorn's horn, and this to me suggests a more unified, holistic approach or worldview. The circular backgrounds of the cards echo each other - but while the background of the World card seems to have grown organically from the living greenery around her, the background of the Emperor is carved in stone, a symbolic throne depicting his dominion over all things and his bringing order to chaos in a deliberate, controlled way that is distinct from the organic, emergent order that grows up in the World card. And while the World figure seems to cradle her sphere of light in her arms, resting her forehead lightly against it as if communing, the Emperor holds his sphere squarely and purposefully between his two hands, almost as though he is pressing and molding it into shape. All these comparisons generally reflect the differences between the cards' meanings: the Emperor is a card of structure and rulership, authority and sovereignty in a more mundane political sense - while the World is a card of harmonious, natural order and beauty emerging from the chaotic flow of nature with whom the World figure communes on a deeper, more intuitive, more receptive level.

Yet these two cards also hold a lot in common, as I already pointed out, suggesting that they aren't necessarily irreconcilable opposites to each other. The figure in the Two of Wands card faces towards the Emperor and away from the World, who faces out to the left away from the other two cards in a kind of private moment of her own. This seems to me to suggest that part of the challenge will be m tendency to focus too much on the structure and order involved in the hard work to bring my project initiative to fruition, and that this may prove very difficult for me. On the other hand, learning to integrate a more relaxed "go with the flow" attitude may help me to integrate these energies better. The World figure doesn't just face away from the structure and ruling order of the Emperor, but she faces towards all of the cards in the spread that have come before - including the cards representing the motivating vision (the gift of intuitive wisdom and fanciful day-dreaming in the Ace of Cups), the skills of calmness and hope that I carry with me, the map that guides along the middle way, and the sword that balances opposites and brings them together to create life and dynamic beauty. Perhaps most important of all is the place where the journey began, the Nine of Cups. The World faces all of these, seeming to suggest that in order to overcome this challenge of discipline and order - and to do so without losing my sense of joy and spontaneity that will make the work fulfilling - I will have to remember the motivations and visions and dreams of the past, and carry those with me, following their example at times.

Perhaps not a very scary dragon on the face of it - but I find myself nervous about whether or not I'll be able to rise to that challenge. Trusting in the support and natural, emergent, beautiful order of the universe to carry this work along (like the seeds cast to the wind!).... that's what gives me hope and helps me stay calm. There's no doubt that, either way, this is very important soul-work.

Storyteller Spread Day 6: Sword

I'm on Day 6 of using Dianne Sylvan's Storyteller spread, today pulling the card for the sixth position, representing The Sword.

The Sword represents a skill, asset or strength that the hero discovers during her completion of the Task set forth by the elder (in Card 4). It signifies a potentially overlooked issue that will have an important impact on the outcome of the quest and the hero's ability to face the Dragon (in Card 7).

The primary card I drew for this position was Temperance (XIV), the first major arcana card in a primary position in the spread. This card represents balance and harmony between opposites - a dynamic relationship that creates tension and movement and ultimately an incorporation of the two into a healthy integrity. While either opposite can become destructive and overwhelming when isolated on its own, together they form a whole that is larger than either one alone, that "includes and transcends" without subsuming or quashing either.

Though the meaning of Temperance leapt out at me immediately, I'm not sure exactly how it fits into the larger journey - though it does seem like balancing opposites that are in tension with each other has been the theme for the past couple drawings. Card 4, the Page of Pentacles, had major arcana cards as its two supporting cards, each facing inward to support the primary card, and each representing one of the aspects of the Page of Pentacles in a refined and heightened form (the Fool, the energy and youth and eagerness of the Page, and the Hierophant, the earthiness and structure of the Pentacles, each expressed as spiritual urges). Card 5, the Nine of Pentacles, seemed to suggest a "middle way," marrying the spiritual and the material world, creating a dynamic communion between free-spirited creativity and serious self-discipline; its two supporting cards, the Four of Wands and the Knight of Swords, faced outward away from each other, suggesting distractions along the path pulling in opposite directions, towards frivolous freedom and fleeting energy on the one hand and an overemphasis on the intellect and "being right" on the other. So it seems that the Temperance card is illustrating how important it will be for me to find a healthy, dynamic balance between opposites that might otherwise threaten to pull me off track in various directions - and yet, it also seems to say that if I can discover that balance, I will also be able to create a spaciousness within which I can center and find respite and poise when I need it.

The two supporting cards I pulled seem to reinforce this lesson of balancing opposites: the Ace of Wands and the Nine of Wands. Both within the same suits, and once again both cards facing in towards each other and towards the central, primary card - the ace and the nine seem to illustrate opposing energies each being brought in to serve a single purpose. On the one hand, you have the gift of new initiatives, new energy and new activity as represented by the Ace; on the other hand, you have the Nine with its suggestion of completion and, in this case, an emphasis on vigilance and continued discipline in order to keep one's strength and purpose clear. This spread seems to suggest to me, over all, that a successful balance of energies means both being open to new possibilities and initiatives, while also being on guard and careful about how to move forward. Constantly taking on new projects can lead to burn out and frivolousness, but being too careful can lead to stagnation and boredom - so a balance between the two is necessary. Both openness, and vigilance. Sounds a great deal like the concept of attention and attending that I have meditated on before, the open attentiveness of attending to (and upon) the world around us - which itself stretches us and challenges us in new ways. The fact that these two cards are of the same suit and are facing towards one another and towards the central primary card of Temperance seems to me to say that these opposites are things that can be integrated and held in relationship with one another.

Since much of this meditative work has focused on the direction my career seems to be heading, I think this is once again emphasizing the importance of balance between discipline and creativity, organization and joyful enthusiasm, that I'll need to find to make this work enjoyable and successful. This is true both for the podcast and the volunteer naturalist work. It's a lesson that is so important for people who are self-employed or work from home, I think, because it's so easy to fall out of balance when you're not subject to anyone else's oversight - either driving yourself too hard, or cutting yourself too much slack. Today is a good example. I began the day feeling somewhat exhausted, but my energy seemed to gather towards the afternoon and I felt in a good mood - but for some reason, after dinner I began to feel increasingly dissatisfied and anxious, though for no clear or particular reason.... though I think largely it had to do with me slightly freaking out - again - over how much work two podcast shows a week might turn out to be, and worries over not being able to find a good rhythm and balance to the work. It seems like this card is counseling me to relax a bit and trust in my ability to find that balance, so long as I keep the importance of balance in mind - and perhaps make sure that I make time to ground, center and attend regularly. Obviously, balancing my physical needs with my spiritual and emotional needs is going to be an issue, too, and perhaps regular spiritual meditation in the mornings will play an important role in maintaining balance and keeping my energy and optimism up. After all, the major arcana card does suggest that this is something going on at a deeper level than mere "mundane" reality but also involve the realm of the soul/spirit. The image of the card pretty closely reflects the actual Three Realms meditation that I perform regularly, and I did notice when trying to enter a deeper meditative state to reflect on the card that it was difficult for me to hold my concentration. I got a brief glimpse of the swirling sphere of opposites, and a vague sense of the angel Temperance handing me an actual sword that had a double-edge that shone in two reflected colors and vibrated in a way that create a beautiful song (like a singing bowl, almost). The vibration seemed to come from holding the sword still and perfectly balanced before me, almost like a torch or sword of light.

So balancing the spiritual and the physical may just be the important but overlooked issue that will play the biggest part in how this whole journey plays out and how I eventually face the Dragon to come.

Storyteller Spread Day 5: Map

I'm on Day 5 of using Dianne Sylvan's Storyteller spread, today pulling the card for the fifth position, representing The Map.

This card represents the Map, one of two gifts or boons earned upon overcoming the challenge set forth in the previous card, the Task. The Map gives the hero a clearer vision of her journey to come, helping her to orient herself and see the big picture - it is similar to the Dream card drawn earlier in the spread, except that whereas the Dream gives her a vision of her own motivation and calling, the Map gives a broader perspective so that she understands the route her journey will take to get her to her final confrontation with the Dragon.

The card I drew for this position in the spread was the Nine of Pentacles, a very positive card in almost all respects. The card represents a balancing of spiritual and material fulfillment, and a joining of spiritual needs and expression with physical manifestation in the material world. This card depicts an artist at her piano, playing upon an instrument that is itself grown living among the trees of the forest. Her spiritual being is in communion with her material being, and through that communion she creates her beautiful music as the golden spirals of the nature that surround her express the spiritual essence and perfection that lies within all things. This card represents material well-being and refinement, yes, but it also indicates that such things are intricately connected to and expressions of the spiritual work of seeking balance and creating beauty. There is wholeness and fulfillment, as well as movement and growth in this card, and the balance of these is what brings the material and spiritual into communion with one another. Ultimately, this is a card of appreciation for the wealth (spiritual and material) that we already possess in abundance, and a discovery of the deep value and worth of one's own self and soul, one's own place and work.

To me, this card suggestions that the broader purpose or direction of my journey is to find a path towards meaningful, fulfilling work that will also provide stability in the material realm, so that I can more fully embrace the richness of life on all levels of being. I have struggled with finding spiritually fulfilling work that also could realistically provide for my physical needs - this suggests that my journey will take me in that direction, with very good results. The fact that this card depicts a figure playing a piano that is a living part of nature reminds me immediately of both my podcasting work (the auditory quality of the music and speaking) as well as my work as a volunteer naturalist engaging with people out in the natural world and showing them the beauty of the World Song.

I also drew two supporting cards, which were the Four of Wands and the Knight of Swords. These cards face outward from the center, in opposite directions, so that their energies seem to disperse the energy of the central card (whose main figure actually has her back to the viewer and, thus, to the two other cards). For me, this layout seems to suggest that these are potential pitfalls or distractions along the way - especially when thinking about the layout as a physical map with the "middle path" of balance between. The Four of Wands is full of energy and joy and fulfillment, but it is a happiness that is in some sense fleeting, a passing moment of celebration in the midst of a continuing process. The card suggests to me that there is a danger in trying to grasp too tightly to a constant state of joy and celebration while eschewing the necessary work - almost as though the Four of Wands indicates the pitfall of being too frivolous and easily led on a chase for the next exciting thing. The Knight of Swords, on the other hand, is a bit more intense and perhaps even severe - full of power and bluster, riding the whirlwind, he might be a bit too ruthless and rash, especially in his language and the use of his intellect. This suggests to me an alternate way in which I might stray from the middle path - becoming too bent upon being "right" or too competitive. It seems like this is the kind of card that might represent the way in which I strayed from the journey towards meaningful, fulfilling work before: getting too caught up in arguments and debates, especially wars-of-words online with trolls, to the point where I felt frustrated and sick to death of trying to say anything for fear that it would stir up controversy or pick a fight I didn't have the energy to engage.

On the other hand, both of these cards also have positive aspects that can be incorporated into the "middle way" of the primary card. The Four of Wands has an energy and enthusiasm and a definite sense of joy, all of which are reflected in a subtle and refined way in the Nine of Pentacles. The Nine of Pentacles also seems to incorporate the self-discipline and strength of the Knight of Swords, whose sword "shines like a beacon" and allows him to cut through a lot of red tape with passion and enthusiasm. So although these energies in their extremes might be distracting, together they offer some support - if the main goal or aim of the journey is kept in mind.

That's my interpretation, anyway. All in all, very positive and helpful. (I also notice that I've ceased to draw the Eight of Wands practically every time now that our first podcast episode is up and the website is officially launched. I guess those seeds have been scattered for the winds to carry!)

Storyteller Spread Day 4: Witch's Task

I'm on Day 4 of using Dianne Sylvan's Storyteller spread, today pulling the card for the fourth position, representing The Task.

This card represents the task set forth by the wise elder whom the hero meets in the depths of the forest when she first sets off on her quest - a struggle or challenge that the hero must face and overcome using what assets she has brought along with her. (As a result of facing this first challenge, the hero is afterwards given two gifts, represented by cards 5 and 6 later in the spread.)

The card I drew for this position was the Page of Pentacles. This card is a fairly positive one, representing new opportunities and possibilities coming into manifestation, and a sense of stability and security in the physical world. The Page of Pentacles is one who has self-discipline, diligence and commitment, but still retains that sense of youth and curiosity that makes her unafraid of moving forward to try new things.

I'm not quite certain exactly how this card fits into the spread at this point, and it may become clearer as I move on and draw more cards.

I was going to skip drawing supporting cards, since tonight is another late night and I'm very tired, but I just felt like I should do so while I'm in the moment, even if a deeper exploration of the cards' meanings has to wait for tomorrow.

The two supporting cards I drew were: the Fool and the Hierophant. These are powerful cards, especially to be supporting the Task card representing the initial challenge on my journey. Each card faces in towards the center, the Fool and Hierophant both looking towards each other and towards the center, primary card of the Page of Pentacles (who faces forward). The energy of this three card spread of primary and supporting cards definitely seems to be concentrated on the center card, with intense energies from the major arcana supporting cards acting as balance to each other and quite literal support of the center card. The Fool, on the one hand, seems to reflect the youth and eagerness of the Page, the willingness to jump in and get started, to take a risk and begin. The Hierophant, on the other hand, reflects the grounded, more material or physical nature of the Pentacles suit - he is concerned with the rules that govern the spiritual life and the laws of nature which all things follow in order to maintain harmony.

So it seems that these three cards suggest, maybe, that my first challenge will be a new opportunity on the material plane - a new job, for instance - that will require both youthful enthusiasm and risk, and self-discipline and steady work. Luckily, it seems like these energies are helping and mutually supporting each other, all working towards the same goal, rather than pulling in opposite directions (as they might have been, if I'd drawn them in a slightly different order in the three-card spread). The suggestion or advice seems to be to take the plunge into hard work, to make the leap into a task that will require commitment and study.

In a lot of ways, this seems to represent pretty clearly what I'm involved in right now, both with my volunteer work and with my efforts with podcasting as a serious career shift. In both situations, I face a new job or task that demands both committed effort and the courage to take a leap into the unknown. And in both case, the long-term goals are not as important as the willingness to just take that first leap, that first jump into the work. (The two major arcana cards certainly seem to suggest that this challenge, right in this moment, is momentous enough that putting my full weight into facing that challenge and taking on that task will have profound effects rippling out, no matter what the specific consequences are.)

That's about all I have in me for tonight, though. I hope to take some time (tomorrow, maybe) to look at the spread that I've drawn so far and look at these four cards - Nine of Cups, Ace of Cups, Eight of Swords and Page of Pentacles - all together in the same spread, in relation to each other instead of in isolation or in the context of the supporting cards. I'll see how much energy I have tomorrow for that kind of work....

Storyteller Spread Day 3: Pack

I'm on Day 3 of using Dianne Sylvan's Storyteller spread, today pulling the card for the third position, representing The Pack.

This card represents the "gear" the hero brings on her journey - the assets, skills and talents that she already has at the beginning of her quest, the tools she can rely on. It can also represent the baggage that she carries with her, and what she may need to reassess and let go before the pack grows too heavy to carry and prevents her from moving on.

I am exhausted tonight, so I drew only one card - I'll return tomorrow morning to do an i-depth meditation and draw two supporting cards.

The card I drew was the Eight of Swords. Depicted on this card, a noble swan struggles, trapped among thorny brambles. Above, a tiny hummingbird hovers. The first word that leapt to mind when I looked at this card was: Hope. The second word was: Calm.

The hummingbird represents hope even in seemingly impossible situations - the small light shining still, the symbol that life goes on and things will work their way out. The hummingbird is a tiny creature compared to the swan, whose very grace and majesty can become an obstacle in certain situations. Here, the swan is clearly panicking, and yet the brambles do not cut so deep as all that. The hummingbird - as quick as it is - counsels the swan to stay calm, to reassess, not to make use of might and swagger to get out of the situation but to center herself and move gently and delicately and with subtlety.

Today, I spent most of the day working intensely on editing the podcast, writing the show notes and creating an image for the post to go up with the first episode. I'm very proud of the results - I think it's a fantastic first episode - but it was tiring work and I find myself feeling intimidated by the idea of trying to keep this up twice a week on a regular basis. I was beginning to panic - to worry about what kind of situation I've committed myself to.

This card, I think, is both a reminder of my assets and a caution about what baggage I carry. If I want to be majestic and powerful like the swan, I need to be aware of the kind of baggage that creates and that it might not be helpful in certain circumstances - whereas the hummingbird is small and unassuming, but its very quickness and small size is what allows it to navigate, to slip through otherwise dangerous or difficult territory. My best assets are hope (the light that I hold steady even through difficulty, and my willingness to work through it), and calm (remembering to center in myself and not get distracted by the trivial, to stay committed)....but my baggage may be my desire to do too much, to force things when they can't be forced and to try to be "bigger" when the situation actually requires me to think small, quick and unassuming.

So.... good insights from even just that one card. I'm very glad I didn't skip my work tonight, though I'm very tired. Looking forward to relaxing and heading to bed.

Dream - Space Needle Cirque du Soleil

Intense, strange dream last night (or this morning, technically) right before I woke up.

The beginnings of it are hazy. I know that I was exploring some tall building somewhere (I don't think I was myself, but some other character at this point), and one thing that sticks out vividly in my memory is getting into an elevator that, half-way down, went into free-fall. An automated female voice came on over the speakers to calmly inform the passengers (of which I was the only one at that point) to pry open the doors of the elevator as it began to turn and roll onto its back as it fell (so that the doors would be facing up) and be ready to jump upwards just as the elevator hit the bottom of the shaft. Supposedly, this would help minimize the impact somehow - but since I was in a free-falling elevator and had no real choice, I followed the instructions, and somehow it worked, almost as though the bottom of the shaft was cushioned to absorb the elevator box without it smashing apart, while some kind of forcefield was in place to catch and suspend me just as I jumped so that my momentum was slowed and I was able to sort of "swim" towards the opening that was about ten feet up from the bottom of the shaft.

I spent some more time wandering around in the dream, which is now half-forgotten. Somewhere along the way, I met up with other people and the dream became a Volunteer Naturalist training class with Penny and Anne leading us. Once again, I found myself inside the elevator, only this time with a group of people, when it went into free-fall and the same automated voice gave instructions. I had my doubts about how it would work with all of us trying to squeeze through the door and jump at the same time, but somehow it did.

I found myself then heading out of the tall building with everyone and at that point I could see from the outside that it was the Space Needle (although inside it was much more like an office building with multiple rooms and hallways on each floor and the elevator on the inside, not the outside, of the building). Instead of being at the City Center downtown surrounded by concrete and other buildings, the Space Needle was standing in the midst of a huge, grassy field that stretched out on all sides with trees lining the field off in the distance. Some of the SVNs were talking with Penny about the next bit of training for the class, and she was joking about how it would involve capturing, killing and dissecting an animal. I think everyone was a bit horrified at the thought - since these are folks who signed up to protect the wildlife in the parks, not hunt it - but several of the people were trying to put on a brave face for the sake of the training, since they signed a contract at the beginning saying they would complete the training and donate their time to teach afterwards. I made some brief joke, but then said in all seriousness I didn't plan to kill or dissect anything regardless of what I'd signed. I got the impression that that was the right response that Penny had been going for, but she didn't say anything right then.

It must have been our lunch break at that point, because we all wandered off into the field beneath the Space Needle to settle down for a break while Penny and Anne talked together and prepared for the next bit of the training. While we were gathered there in the grass, a show began on the lawn surrounding the Space Needle - like a Cirque du Soleil, except that the performers were giants. They were varying heights, with the shortest group of them being maybe ten feet tall, and the tallest being closer to fifty or sixty feet. They were dressed in all sorts of amazing, intricate costumes - predominating among a certain group of tall, skinny giants about 12 to 14 feet tall with outfits of silk scarves and long draped robes of oranges and reds, with painted faces - and they performed acrobatics and synchronized interpretive dance around the base of the Space Needle almost as though it were some sort of maypole. The performers were of all different skin colors, and one woman in particular with dark skin and the most beautiful dreadlocks seemed to be a kind of goddess-giant moving in an amazing dance of agility - you could see her muscles flexing and her sweat that made her skin glisten along with the glittery body paint she wore. Others around her were of all skin tones, but mostly tall and skinny (though not taller than she was), and there were... littler giants (?) of only about ten feet tall who were in usual human proportions like she was, except bigger.

They performed their acrobatics and dancing around the Space Needle for a while as more and more people gathered in a huge circle on the lawn to watch them, groups of us sitting in clumps here and there, not all of them for the SVN training, but strangers as well who'd been passing by and come to watch. The performers began bringing people in from the audience and the act transformed into a kind of spiritual healing session in which - what might be called "faery darts" but were more like "faery bullets" were shot through people, piercing them and supposedly severing the binds of illness or pain within them. One man eagerly volunteered and dragged his young son into the circle as well, having the boy stand behind him to be pierced by the same invisible arrow/bullet of energy. This struck me as dangerous and unwise, and I began to have a visceral negative reaction to what was going on. Another woman who got up to be healed (or was called up by name, as I think the performers had begun to do) had cataracts over her eyes - when they flung the dart/bullet at her, she collapsed unconscious to the ground. As she regained consciousness, her cataracts began to clear from her eyes, and they told her that what had been causing them was some kind of sickness in her brain that had migrated to the back, to the nape of her neck, where it was now bulging out in some kind of pussy blister or tumor that needed to be lanced and released. But she began to lose consciousness again, and again I felt like what was going on was not okay and wasn't actually helping anyone.

At that point, I noticed odd-shaped white objects in the sky above us, and when I looked closer, I realized they were spinning, open-air discs that were falling from the top of the Space Needle sort of like whirligigs or horizontal pinwheels, or seeds that were riding on the wind. At first, they looked beautiful and amazing - but as they got closer, I realized just how big they were and that they were not actually attached to anything by a cable or guide, so they really were in a free-fall and would land wherever the wind took them. I panicked at this point, seeing these massive wheels of metal whirling down towards where we were on the ground - but everyone else seemed to take it in stride, so I tried to quell my panic. Sure enough, the wheels not only did not crash into one another on their way down (for there were maybe ten or fifteen of them all together), but they all rolled and landed neatly in the grass without landing on either the performers or the audience gathered. As they landed and rolled to a stop, I saw that inside them were people (strapped in with their feet to the edges and their backs against the top of the disc, so that as the discs came to a stop, they were somewhat horizontal with their faces towards the ground) who'd use the whirligig discs as a kind of conveyance-slash-amusement park ride to get down from the top of the Space Needle.

At this point in the dream, I got up and switched where I was sitting, moving to the other side of the group where people I knew were talking. The energy there suddenly seemed to be lighter and the free-floating panic I'd been feeling about various things evaporated as someone made a joke that sent me laughing heartily at something. With the laughter came a great release of tension and I felt so happy to be there, hanging out with friends. Just as the dream was ending, I glanced up and saw A* sitting nearby on the other side of a few people - we made eye-contact briefly, and in that moment it was like I could see his thoughts going that he was both pleased to see me laughing but also confused and somewhat envious that I was off laughing with others, whereas he felt overly awkward and so was only ever very quiet around me. (In retrospect this reminds me of that Ani DiFranco song when she says, "I like you so much I talk to everyone but you.") In the dream, the feeling was certainly mutual and I too felt awkward around him to be able to joke and laugh freely - yet felt that giddy excitement at making eye-contact with him.

* I really need to stop watching this TV show, if A is going to be showing up randomly in my dreams. ::embarrassed::

Storyteller Spread Day 2: Dream

I'm on Day 2 of using Dianne Sylvan's Storyteller spread, today pulling the card for the second position, representing The Dream.

This card tells about the nature of the quest itself - it is the gift of a vision or dream about what the hero must set out to do, why she is called away from the Home represented in the first card.

The primary card I drew for this position tonight was the Ace of Cups, which seemed to me immediately to suggest this idea of the "quest for the holy grail." This beautiful goblet is the source of intuition and emotional fulfillment and connection, as well as of dream, creativity, fantasy and vision. The still waters held within the cup are a mirror that reflects the deeper, subconscious patterns of the world from which we can learn, and from the cup spring the sensual, physical manifestations of the senses. Like all Ace cards, the Ace of Cups is a gift that is offered freely, a gift of grace. It is also a card of beginnings, but in this case maybe not so obvious a beginning that might be reflected in the external world - more an opening to love in a broader sense, a going-within to seek for the vision and creative dreaming that allow us to discover self-love and love of life, and through this to discover self-acceptance and joy.

When I meditate on this card, once again I slip into the vision that the card depicts very easily - and the cup seems to be right before me. Unlike the image actually depicted on the card, of the cup set off somewhat in front of the viewer, in my trance work the goblet is right before me as though I'm holding it close between my two hands, peering down into its depths. So close is this cup to me that I can almost feel its waters sloshing and spilling out over its sides to wet my hands and splash me. The cup seems huge and heavy, but not so heavy so that it's hard to hold. Though last night's vision of the cup was of a glowing golden goblet (inspired no doubt by the way the cup was depicted in the Nine of Cups), tonight, the cup is silver and glistening as though illuminated by moonlight. I wonder if this is also an aspect of the quest, the journey I am to undertake - seeking by the light of the moon and stars, the light of night and twilight, the darker, more intuitive "inner light" - rather than by the overt, extroverted, bright and golden light of the noonday sun.

The two supporting cards I drew were the Eight of Wands (again!) and Justice. The Eight of Wands is clearly of great importance right now, emphasizing this message of casting my energy, efforts and hopes to the wind and trusting in the greater pattern of it all. The card of Justice speaks of balance and vision alike - it evokes this idea of justice as the harmony of right relationship, and far from being blind, the figure of Justice in this card can see with a vision that pierces even the darkest obscurity. She holds the feather as though it were a sword - and yet it is light and delicate - as butterflies flock around her and the scales that she holds. This is a card of balance of inner and outer as well, of conscious and subconscious. She holds one hand in towards herself while extending the other to hold out the scales - one of her wings is turned upwards while another turns down. To me, this suggests that an aspect of this quest will be to seek balance between my inner subconscious and my conscious, rational mind that is closer to the surface. I think this is a positive sign that I should not worry overly much about giving in to fantasy or day-dream as merely impractical or indulgent - that exploring the subconscious is perhaps something I have been somewhat remiss in before and the primary nature of the quest, finding that intuitive source and vision, is a process of bringing more balance and openness to my life and my work. Tempering the energy of wands (which are obviously playing a big role in this) and the sometimes harsh light of the rational mind who seeks to assign responsibility (but perhaps can too easily resort to placing blame, especially on oneself) - with the cooler, darker depths of the creative unconscious mind-soul.

Storyteller Spread Day 1: Home

Using Dianne Sylvan's Storyteller spread, I begin this work with the card in the first position, representing home.

This is the card that speaks of the current situation, the place from which I will begin the journey and also, eventually, the place that I will return to with the treasure or sacred gift that it is my task to integrate into the world.

For each of these ten cards, I plan to draw one primary card and then, after some contemplation, two supporting cards, for a total of three for each given card place. (I'll carry only the first, primary card over to the next day's spread, though, so that I don't run out of cards before the end!)

For tonight's card, Home, I drew: the Nine of Cups. A very auspicious and joyful card, the Shadowscape deck depicts a merman leaning raptly over a golden, shining goblet while around him hundreds of golden fish swim in breath-taking, beautiful, graceful formation. This is a card of deep contentment and emotional fulfillment, of being swept up in the joy and even giddiness of the moment of present happiness. I close my eyes, and swiftly I am there beneath the waters, experiencing the sensual caress of the warm currents and the sweeping rush of the glistening creatures all around me. The shining goblet that I hold in my hands is smooth, cool and somewhat heavy - I gaze into its concave bowl as if looking into a shimmering golden sun, and the goblet seems filled with light and love and joy, an underwater reflection of the sun that rides the sky above the surface of the ocean. I feel a great happiness and gratitude to be here - but also an intense energy, almost as though it's hard to stay still. I just want to dance, to swim swiftly and joyfully!

The two supporting cards I draw are: the Three of Wands and the Eight of Wands (again). Both of these cards balance the emotional depths of the Nine of Cups with the energy and activity of the wands - and both speak to a journey which is just beginning. In the Three of Wands, the figure steps out onto a thin bridge that reaches out into a great valley - the sense of depth here is almost as great as in the ocean, but airy and light instead of fluid and shadowy. The figure steps out into thin air, and her steps - her dreams and intentions that guide her and urge her onwards - themselves become the bridge that she walks upon. She is guided by far vision - and this is also a card of momentary stillness, pausing the enjoy that vision and all that it can give before taking the next steps on the adventure. The Eight of Wands, as I wrote yesterday, is also a card about trusting to the greater patterns of the universe - instead of stepping out into thin air, this figure casts her wishes out upon the wind to be carried far and wide until they find new ground where they will root and grow into mighty trees. Again, this card signifies accomplishment but also a continuation of the journey to new places.

All in all, the emotional fulfillment of the primary card carries with it an energy and eagerness to move on that are reflected in the two supporting cards. The Home card in the storyteller spread is the place where the hero begins, and the place that she will leave either because of her own inner restlessness or because something comes along to shake her out of her complacency. Here, I think the cards are indicating that I have found a place of joy as well as sensual and emotional (and intuitive?) fulfillment in the depths of soul — but that this new stability is exactly what is giving me the energy and enthusiasm to set off on the journey ahead of me. Perhaps I have been frustrated about not moving forward for so long, that coming to a place of relative stability and peace, emotionally speaking, is exactly what is allowing me to move forward now. I do not have a fear of losing that fulfillment, and nor am I simply resting on my laurels and luxuriating in the sensual pleasures — instead, I'm excited about the possibilities that are opened up to me now that I have this joy in my life. Both the Three of Wands and the Eight of Wands indicate a moment of pause for vision and reflection (and, for the latter, finishing up loose ends of old work) that comes at the pivotal point between the past and the future work or journey to be undertaken. Laying the spread out left to right: Three of Wands, Nine of Cups, Eight of Wands, the energy pivots around the joy of the present moment (maybe the Three of Wands is us taking the leap to move across the country to a whole new city? and the Eight of Wands is my current work with web publishing and podcasting, among other things?) moving from left to right, from past to future with increasing stability and success.

A good place to start, I think.

Diary - Flamekeeping

Inspired by my post about steampunk shamanism, Jeff decided he wanted to do another one of his multi-day spiritual projects that involve regular meditation and divination over a predefined length of time, focusing on different issues and problems that need to be worked on. I thought I'd join him, and we just happen to be starting tonight, which is the Sunday after the first full moon after the equinox (also known as Easter) and my Flamekeeping shift.

The project is a twelve-day process this time - a day of prep work, ten days of doing a daily reading along the "story" spread inspired by Joseph Campbell's hero's journey, and then a final day of wrap-up and a ritual to integrate and manifest the results. Jeff is going to be using his new steampunk tarot deck and concentrating on different issues that he wants to be able to move forward on, such as his work, his health, the obstacles involving the child custody, etc. I don't have as much structure to mine, so I'll kind of be meandering along on this journey and letting it lead me where it will.

So this morning, I drew a card to represent guidance for the day. The card I drew was the Eight of Wands, which in the Shadowscape deck I'm using is a lovely image of a woman releasing eight seed tufts to the wind, which will carry them to new ground where they will be able to put down roots. My understanding of this card is that it is full of action and energy, but not necessarily very directed energy. In fact, trying to direct the energy might end up working against you and lead to frustration - this card indicates a time to trust to the greater forces that surround you, the winds of chance that move through the universe, to carry your efforts beyond even what you can imagine. To release your activities and efforts to the larger world to work out their effects in whatever way they will. But it is also a card that suggests that such trust and trusting efforts will be fruitful in the end - mighty trees will grow from those scattered seeds - with a powerful balance of the active energy of the suit of wands with the stabilizing influence and fruition of the number eight, which is both stable and embodies a dynamic polarity (4 X 2) which sends the world singing.

This evening, when I started my Flamekeeping shift (using the oil lamp that I discovered when packing up our old apartment - the thing might need a new wick, but otherwise it seems to be working splendidly), I drew three more cards specifically seeking guidance about the coming work of the next twelve days. The cards I drew were, from left to right, the Two of Swords, the Queen of Cups, and the Sun (XIX). The energy of this three-card spread seems to expand out from the center card - the Queen walks forward, her arms outstretched to either side - but her face is turned towards the right (her left) and she seems to be gazing directly into the face of the young man haloed by golden light and riding the King of Birds in the Sun card, who gazes back at her. The figure in the Two of Swords card, on the other hand, faces away from the center card, a dark hood draped over her head, her swords crossed barring the path and the energy flowing in from the left. I take this spread to be somewhat a past-present-future spread, with the Two of Swords representing the blockage and frustration that I have felt in the past. These days, I am feeling balanced and deeply in touch with the underlying current of change in my life - my emotions seem to be less volatile or, when they are intense, I feel better able to ride them and harness that energy. I'm also feeling very enthusiastic and confident about my future endeavors, with my face firmly turned towards a bright future. The spread seems to bear this out to some extent, with the Sun card in the final position not only being a wonderful card in its own right, but the figure facing the center Queen and returning her gaze in a way that seems to indicate a receptivity and eagerness in its own right. As though this sunny future is just as eagerly waiting for my arrival as I am. The echoes of royalty in the Queen of Cups and the Sun card (which, in this deck, does not show a child, but a young man riding on a crowned kingly bird as his mount) seem to emphasize the sovereignty and potential power of this work as I move into the future. All in all, I take this to be a very positive reading - keeping in mind that the Queen of Cups, though she looks towards the future, does not entirely turn her back on the past but keeps one arm outstretched towards it as well, as though anchoring her in memory that gives her stability and poise as she moves forward. A good thing to keep in mind - not to get too swept away - the Two of Swords is, like all two's, a card of balance and polarity, and it may be important to remember the helpful role that frustrations and blockages can play in shaping and refining the work we undertake.

All in all, I'm looking forward to this project - we have a lot going on during this next week and a half (including our end-of-semester test for the Volunteer Naturalist spring training), so hopefully this meditative work will help me stay balanced and energized moving forward. I'm feeling very enthusiastic and excited about what's to come.