Saturn Return: Weekly Meditation (Crossing Ascendent)

Days of Note: Saturn crosses Ascendent

Sun: sagittarius (mutable fire), 7:26 AM - 4:54 PM
Moon: *waxing gibbous, aries (cardinal fire)
Earth: cold, in the mid-to-low 40s most of the day, starting out quite sunny but then fading to gray, cloudy weather; not that I would know, as I spent pretty much all day inside working on various things, but mostly writing


Last night I had a dream that my aunt Tricia, who works from home as a baker of wonderful homemade cakes, cookies and pies, etc., had decided that she wanted to quit baking and go into taxidermy. (Apparently, this dream was probably inspired by a scene from an episode of X-Files that Jeff and I watched together last night, which I was only half paying attention to at the time and must have gotten into my subconscious.) Anyway, in the dream, my aunt decided she really wanted to be a taxidermist, she was fascinated by it. But the only tools she knew how to use were things like blenders and egg beaters. I have some vague visual impression in my mind of some poor animal carcass being tamped down into the thin, tapering container of a blender, the lid fitted on nicely and the switch flipped, resulting in that lovely whirring and the spinning of blood and bone and fur and bits all into a uniform pinkish paste.

This might not have anything to do with anything, but I thought I would jot it down.

I started writing this journal entry at 11:11 PM, though I doubt I'll be finished with it until what is technically Sunday morning. I'm wide awake and not feeling the least bit tired - which is indicative of my sleep schedule these days, where sometimes I feel so lethargic I can't pull myself out of bed before 10 AM, and other days I'm awake before dawn (which, as dark as the days are, isn't really that hard anyway) with plenty of energy to spare. This morning, I woke up at around 5 AM and tossed and turned a bit before finally giving up and getting up entirely at about 6:30 AM. Jeff had to leave to get the kids, and I fell back asleep for another few hours, so I suppose it all evened out. We'll see how I am tomorrow morning. (Jeff, who slept downstairs on the futon because he'd been snoring a lot lately, hardly slept at all last night because of various worries about this weekend, so now he's excused and sound asleep despite me still being awake.)

I hadn't planned to do much work today - or rather, I'd planned to at least try to clean and organize the basement some in preparation for our up-coming move. But two of the four kids were sick with some kind of stomach bug (which had them on a bland diet of food, though neither of them really acted all that sick - it was a nice excuse for everyone to stay quiet and relaxed in bed reading or drawing for much of the day), so thoughts of trying to organize some kind of cleaning extravaganza were out. At one point I sat down to check out John's recent post on No Unsacred Place, which was excellent as usual, and that was the kick in the ass I needed to sit down and work on the piece I'd wanted to do for this coming week about the recent news coming out of the science journals about LUCA, the Last Universal Common Ancestor, being a single, planet-sized mega-organism very similar to a "living ocean" of genetic soup. A pretty cool concept. So I spent all day researching various creation myths from different cultures and drawing comparisons between these and the scientific evidence they have for LUCA, pointing out some of the common themes of primordial chaotic waters, a moment when separation and individuation begins to occur, and the idea of a god being dismembered and the parts of his (or her) corpse being used to actually make the world.

So even though I didn't have any time really to do some formal Saturn Return meditation as I'd planned, I ended up doing quite a bit of contemplation on some of those primordial ancient themes about dissolution, death, separation, limitation and the power of form. Some of the Greek myths actually involve Kronos/Saturn himself, so... there's that.

I find myself really connecting to this idea of a common genetic ancestor in the ancient primordial oceans as a living being that is both an ancestor and a god(dess). This just really jives for me. It works well with my more animistic sensibilities which can sometimes shy away from being overly metaphorical or psychological about the gods and would rather rejoice in and celebrate the Actual Sun Right There See There It Is than in some idea of a sun deity in the abstract. On the other hand, though, it also gives some context to Manannan as a "son of the sea" without having to bear the burden of being the literal sea itself. Manannan mac LUCA, perhaps. Manannan has continued to be an important god to me, and I think I've reconciled myself to just him and Brighid for the time being as a working pair who play nicely together. Manannan is a god of the threshold, the liminal space of the mists, the psychopomp who leads the dead into the other realm, the trickster who will turn things upside-down just for the sake of teasing and challenging. I think there are definitely some parallels here between Manannan (and Manawydan from Welsh mythology) and the figure of Saturn. And strangely enough, while I think of Saturn primarily as a planet and, after that, as some kind of psychological archetype and energetic influence, I find it a lot easier to think of Manannan as an actual god, personified, and able to help me with the Saturn Return. I have no sense that he is Kronos/Saturn, any more than Jeff is, say, Commander Samuel Vimes. But the "real" god Manannan has some understanding of the character/nature/influence of the psychological archetype of Saturn and can give me some insight - like we can have a discussion about it and share our perspectives, in the same way Jeff and I can talk about the characters in Pratchett's books and he can give me insight into what it's like to be a father, something I wouldn't know as much about.

One thing that I was reflecting on just now while I was reading and trying to fall asleep was the nature of Saturn's recent transit through my twelfth house in Libra, the sign and house of my natal moon. I think it was Arroyo who said that Saturn can have a lasting influence when passing through the sign and house of the moon, even when it's not in exact or close aspect to the moon itself. I don't remember precisely when transiting Saturn was exactly conjunct my natal moon, but I do know that the moon is associated with a lot of "mommy issues" - coming to terms with the mother's influence in the family and the inner archetype of the mother in the psyche, as well as grappling with ancestral influences of all kinds that have been "inherited" on the psychic or psychological level. With my moon in Libra, I wonder if I have a particular sensitivity to concepts of fairness, justice, balance and beauty being manifested in the role of the mother - whether by myself or by other "mothers" in my life.

Saturn has been transiting my twelfth house for about two years now, I think. It's soon to cross my ascendent and enter my first house. In fact, looking up my chart just now (at 11:48 PM on Saturday, December 3) I see that transiting Saturn is within 13 minutes of my ascendent and the cusp of my first house. So... maybe that's why I'm suddenly feeling a certain amount of energy and clarity around these issues.

Anyway, as I was lying in bed I suddenly saw all the various ways in which the energy and influence of the mother had been manifesting in my life in ways that provoked my anger or frustration over a sense of violated fairness or justice - in particular in my relationship with Jeff's ex-wife and biological mother to my stepchildren, who has consistently attempted to act in the role of controlling "Mama Bear" figure to both me and Jeff as well as the kids. It hit me that I had been grappling with two issues that were often put at odds with one another.

On the one hand, I wanted things to be Fair - both in the sense of being just and balanced, and also beautiful and harmonious. This led me to a lot of conflict on Jeff's behalf when I felt that his rights as a father were being trampled on or ignored, when he didn't get "his fair share" of time with the kids (even when him having more time with them, and the struggle to get and keep that time that was often involved, left both of us feeling worn out, exhausted and stressed). I also made a lot of judgements - emotionally and ethically - about Emily choosing to stay home and be a "mom," even going on to have another child with her new husband, instead of stepping up to be an "equal partner" in both the divorce (by pulling her weight with joint debt from the previous marriage) and in her own new marriage (which, I will be the first to admit, is none of my business, though I sure do have opinions about it). This judgement - and I won't say it was judgmental necessarily, but it was a judgement, certainly - often had me worrying about the kind of example she was setting for the kids, and my own response was to push back - to balance out her example by becoming even more ambitious (Saturn!) in my own role not as a stepmom but as a "career woman" and female adult role model to the kids. This was me pushing back against the figure of the mother - both in external form and my own potential role - and seeking instead another kind of authority. That has Saturn's influence written all over it.

On the other hand, I also had already learned the lesson - which Saturn had helped teach me before - that to find a harmonious balance it is often important to let go, to release certain emotional blockages or stubborn opinions and to give up being the kind of person who has to control every little thing to make sure it all comes out alright. This was a lesson that I actually learned from my own mother, by bad example. Seeking too much control in a world that is by its very nature so much bigger and more complex than you could ever possibly understand is the very recipe for out of control stress and paranoia. This is what happened to my mother to some extent (though I have to admit that in recent years, perhaps because of the change in her career and my brother and I no longer living at home, she does seem to be improving on this in small ways). The whole thing was, in fact, a lesson all about boundaries and limits (hello again, Saturn old friend!), learning to understand the extent of your own control and when not to push beyond them but instead accept them and trust in the greater harmonies of the universe (there's Saturn, straddling that liminal space between the concrete manifestations of the inner planets and the influences of fate and cosmic force of the outer planets). This was a lesson I knew very well, and something that I continued to affirm to myself consciously. But I was completely piss-poor at actually following through and listening to my own better judgement.

So here were two urges that were definitely working at odds to one another. The urge on the one hand to make sure things were fair and just and balanced - and the desire on the other hand not to become like my own mother and like Jeff's ex-wife, both of whom were excellent examples of the immaturity and stress that characterizes a "control freak" who uses their good intentions to justify their paranoid manipulations and micro-management of everyone around them (essentially being a "mother" to everyone and not being able to trust others to do what's fair or harmonious on their own). Confronted with the glaring evidence that Jeff's ex-wife had no interest in being fair - I think mainly simply because she was incapable of stepping outside of her own perspective in order to see how what she wanted was unfair - it was an incredible challenge for me not to respond by trying to control her.

My response, and something I had to work on with Jeff a lot, was a process of affirming our personal boundaries. It took a lot of push-back and a great deal of stress and hard work every time we were confronted with Emily's tendency to act entitled to private information about our lives that were none of her business or to bombard Jeff with unsolicited emails full of advice about issues of which she had little to no actual knowledge. We worked hard, as a couple and equal partners in the matter, to help each cope with that stress and reaffirm our right to establish clear, healthy boundaries. But mostly, it sucked. I've been getting down on myself a lot over the past couple years about my feelings of having failed at this work, or at least of having responded in ways that were not helpful or healthy. And definitely there were times when our attempts to establish strong boundaries crossed the line into an attempt to control or compensate for Emily's disrespectful or manipulative behavior. But looking back now, I actually feel like we did an okay job. One recent change came about when I broke down and asked some folks on an internet forum if they had any resources that might help. One person responded and pointed me to the "Ten Commandments for Low-Contact Parallel Parenting with High-Drama Ex's." (The idea of having a short, authoritative list of simple rules to follow.... yeah, Saturn, you bet.) Jeff and I read this over, saw a lot of ways that we were already following the techniques suggested and a lot of other places where we could improve. So we started following the rules, and we sent a copy of them to Emily asking her to abide by them as well. (This was after we caught her in a bald-faced lie about one of the kids' health issues, which for us was the final straw and, in some ways, a relief that her manipulation could no longer be denied or explained away.... though of course, that didn't stop her from trying.)

That was about two months ago now, I think. Today, Jeremy confronted Jeff when he went to pick up the kids to let him know that two of them weren't feeling well - and for good measure threw in his own two cents about how "this silent treatment isn't having the effect we [Jeff and I] were hoping it would have." The comment had Jeff fuming when he got home, but he and I talked about it and were able to laugh off the continued arrogance and immaturity. I pointed out to him that our stress has definitely gone down and we don't waste nearly as much time in pointless conflict with Emily; meanwhile, we have more energy when we do have the kids and less anxiety over every little issue that might somehow make its way back to us, so our time with them is more enjoyable than it was before. Whatever Jeremy and Emily think, the technique is most definitely doing what we'd hoped it would do on our end. Jeremy simply declaring that it wasn't working - without asking Jeff's feelings on the matter - was just one more example of why the Low-Contact Parenting techniques were a good idea after all.

One of the things that I think was most helpful about the Low-Contact Parenting was that it helped us to recognize when we were crossing the line from "affirming healthy boundaries" to "pushing back and trying to control others." With rules that restrict our email use to only short messages pertaining specifically to the kids themselves and that avoid intentionally provocative language, for instance, we're forced to catch ourselves before we shoot off that obnoxious letter that we secretly hope will smack Emily back into her place and divest her of any delusions she has about our opinion. The rules work because they ask us to turn a critical eye back onto our own behavior and to recognize when we're demanding something that we should probably just not expect given what is and is not within our reasonable ability to control. These rules give us a structure whereby we can learn how to find a balance between our sense of fairness and our need to appreciate our limits. (And I'm using "we" a lot here because it's something Jeff and I have mostly worked on together, but in many ways this is a lot about my own issues.) But all of this only came after we had done the difficult work of establishing boundaries that could safely secure at least a minimum amount of real fairness and equality between Jeff and his ex when it came to the kids - including giving us the legal ground to stand on in order to negotiate for a fair and workable schedule for child custody after our move. If we hadn't done that necessary work of pushing back and establishing boundaries first - especially in Jeff's case, I think - we would have been in a position where an attitude of "it's out of our control" would have left us open to manipulation, exploitation and a certain amount of guilt.

So here I was being hard on myself about how we handled it when, looking back, maybe we did pretty much the best we could given the circumstances. We weren't perfect, but I think we've found some long-term sustainable ways to find that necessary balance and we were able to bring our more unseemly responses into check before they got out of hand and went too far. At least, right now I'm feeling hopeful and optimistic and so that's my present understanding of the situation. I'd love to hear what Jeff thinks of all of this. (He's asleep now - maybe I'll have a chance to talk to him tomorrow about it at some point.) I'm sure his perspective will be a bit different, considering the influences going on in his own chart right now. And maybe I'm completely wrong about this - I'm kind of making it up as I go, really, and he knows more about astrology than I do.

In any case, what began as a day spent contemplating the "primordial mother ocean" has ended up with some pretty startling thoughts about the energies of the moon-as-mother in relation to my Saturn Return. Perhaps leaving the twelfth house and crossing the ascendent means that these issues are be resolved, maybe "coming to light" in a more conscious way now that I'm moving out of the house of mystery and mysticism. I don't know. I hope so. I think it must be a good sign that I just happen to be awake and thinking about this during the time when transiting Saturn is coming into exact aspect with my ascendent. That has to mean something, right? Like my willingness to be awake to this and open to it, to face it instead of just wanting to "go back to sleep" and ignore the lessons. I hope Manannan can help me stay open to the lessons I need to learn, and in the meantime help me to maybe not be quite so hard on myself if things seem like a struggle or I have to work hard. I think it's a really important insight, that coming to terms with our boundaries and limitations (Saturn) is also about learning how to trust in the greater universe. I just read an old tale about Manannan that someone randomly posted online the other day, about a shepherd who is on his way home with his sheep one evening when he runs into Manannan, who teases him about his certainty of the way and pulls down a confusing mist that shrouds his eyes and makes him lose his sheep. After bumbling about in the dark mists all night, Manannan finally relents and lifts the mist, for the shepherd to find that he was only a few yards from home with all his sheep safe and accounted for by his side - and Manannan joking that sometimes he just likes to play a prank for the joy of it. Sometimes I wonder if I'm in a similar position - stumbling around in the mist all night only to finally realize once the veil lifts away that I've been close to home all along and in no real danger. But I also have to wonder if maybe, if I didn't bumbled around quite so much and fret quite so loudly (and maybe sometimes comically), if Manannan wouldn't consider me quite so worth his attention. ;)

So with that thought, I'll call it a night.

Saturn Return: Weekly Meditation

Saturn is a planet of limitations and boundaries, placed at the threshold between the inner planets that reflect the energies and influences of everyday reality and the outer planets that reflect the energies and influences of cosmic cycles and forces. Saturn is a planet of authority, the sphere that circumscribes our life and sometimes leave us feeling trapped or hedged in by our limitations - but it is also a planet that helps us discover and understand our limits and, in so doing, become our own truest authority, the author of our own lives.

In my natal chart, Saturn is in Libra, a sign of balance and relationship. When we try to go to extremes in one direction or another, we run up against the flaws and limitations of those extremes, sometimes finding ourselves even worse off than before. But in bringing extremes into balance and harmonious relationship with each other - even if they seem to be opposites - we can find a new resonance that opens us up to whole new possibilities. The lesson of Saturn is not transcendence, but integration, and this is what it is exalted in the sign of Libra, where integrity can take the form of balance and a "middle way" between extremes.

What extremes do I recognize in my life right now?

• Productivity and Passivity - In my career, I feel challenged to "accomplish" something and make something of myself, to do something extraordinary with my life that will change the world. Emphasizing productivity in this way, I often end up focusing on the negative - what's wrong with the world that needs changing, and everything I should be doing to "fix" things. (Or, simpler than that, just neat ideas that "someone ought to do" that I then feel like I should pursue just for the sake of it being done.) But this focus leaves me feeling overwhelmed and even helpless. I get tired out quickly just thinking about everything I want to do or think I should do (or even just wondering what I possibly might do), and so much of the time I swing back towards the opposite extreme of passivity, procrastination and lethargy. I waste time on frivolous things for entertainment and distraction. Because I imagine that any work great enough to change the world must be complicated and difficult, I avoid doing things that seem too simple or clear-cut. (It's difficult for me to even do this exercise, because part of me thinks that it's all very obvious and so must be a waste of time.) But again, avoiding simple tasks gives me an excuse to procrastinate on the bigger tasks, abstracting them into monumental deeds that I never feel up to tackling - and the result of inactivity and complete lack of productivity.
• Socializing and Isolation - In my personal life, I spend a huge amount of time alone, even more than when I was living by myself but still working a waitressing job four days a week. Most of the day I sit at home on the computer while Jeff works downstairs, and we only have a chance to socialize once a week (sometimes less). On the other hand, this alone time isn't the kind of solitude that really nourishes me - it only leaves me feeling isolated and constrained, cut off from everyone else. Sitting at home all day (in a house that never quite felt "homey"), I don't connect to the space in relationship; I also rarely go out on my own to go hillwalking or just walking the neighborhood like I used to. Because Jeff is in the house all day, I look to him for a sense of connection and company instead of trying to cultivate it for myself (but of course, he's working and so can't really provide it). I also turn to the online community to find connection - but again, this is a shallow and false kind of connection that focuses a lot on negativity (people complaining about everything that's wrong) when it's not overtly competitive (the popularity contest of the internet world). So even when I spend most of my time alone, I end up feeling worn out by the "noise" that prevents me from finding real solitude.
• Bingeing and Neglect - Another place where there's been a new "extreme" cropping up is in my relationship with food. I'm not sure exactly what the causes of this might be (other than stress and bad habits), but these days I feel like I'm often fighting off cravings for unhealthy/junk foods but rarely experiencing actual hunger for healthy foods around mealtimes. I'll sleep in too late and more often than not will skip breakfast completely; then later, crave sweets or fatty foods as snacks in between meals or afterwards for dessert. Eating too late (or for the sake of something to do or as a reward from stressful "productivity") means staying up rather later than is good and not feeling very hungry in the morning. And so the cycle begins again. One cause of this might be to self-medicate stress from the pressure I put on myself. Another might be my feeling of disconnection and isolation that leads to frustration, leaving me swinging between neglecting to eat altogether and then stuffing my face to get that calorie rush.

How can I transform these into relationships of balance, in which I recognize my limitations and work in harmony with them instead of fighting against them?

• Creativity and Receptivity - I wrote about this a little bit before: changing the way I think about my work by focusing on creativity rather than productivity. The cards I pulled tonight showed the Ten of Wands and the Eight of Wands. In one, the woman bends over, burdened with the huge weight of a full-grown tree that supports an entire village. In the other, a woman (perhaps the same woman) stands upright and eager on an outcropping of rock, blowing dandelion seeds away from her open palm to be caught in the wind. I think these cards illustrate an important difference between creativity and productivity. Creativity might be represented by the seeds - light as air and holding great potential within them, creativity lets those seeds loose to be carried by the currents of the wind and take root where they may. The person letting the seeds loose doesn't necessarily have any control over or responsibility for where those seeds finally land; she is involved in something much bigger than herself. The woman in the Ten of Wands is involved in something much bigger than herself, too, but in her case she's taken the world upon herself and has made herself essential to it, for better or worse. She has a lot of control, but that control has become a heavy burden for her - she's taken on too much, too concerned for the end product, the full grown tree, rather than the seeds. Moving to a healthier, more harmonious relationship in this case might mean I need to focus on creativity as a way of planting seeds (process, not product), while also being receptive to what the winds will bring and the relationship I have with a larger world that's beyond my control.
• Company and Solitude - I think it would be helpful to reframe this issue as one about company and solitude, rather than "socializing" and isolation. These are no longer mutually exclusive - in true solitude, I have the freedom and space I need to be my own true self and, in that way, connect to the world around me in all its being and particulars. In company, I carry that solitude with me so that I am not overwhelmed or swept up by other people's feelings or opinions, and connecting with society becomes less noisy and frustrating. Accomplishing this might not be easy, as a lot of it depends on bad habits. Maybe some ideas to help: When seeking solitude, I can ask myself if I have a sense of freedom and spaciousness, or if something is constraining me or my actions. I can challenge myself to do things that will nourish me or engage me physically or emotionally even if no one else is around (including Jeff). I can spend some time contemplating the kind of company I would like to keep if I could hang out with anyone in the world, and spend time imagining how I might seek out that company or be that kind of company for others. I can make more attempts to go out and meet other people (no excuses! stop saying, "well, but we have such busy schedules, and we're going to be moving soon anyway so what's the point?"!!). And I can definitely spend less time on "social networking" sites online (already doing this and it's already helping).
• Sacramental Eating and Fasting - This one I'm the least sure about, but I know that I really appreciated the insights in John's latest NUP piece on sacramental eating. One step I can take is to restore mealtimes to sacred rituals - in particular, breakfast (as a time to nourish myself and begin my day), and dinner. Trying to avoid being on the computer or watching television during mealtimes would be helpful. Paying better attention to what I'm eating and making sure there are healthy snacks in the house so that I'm not falling back on junk when I get mid-day cravings. Perhaps every once in a while, spending some time on a deliberate, mindful fast might also help restore my relationship with food. I think in general, I need to give up this notion that Jeff and I can share a diet plan - that kind of controlling attitude towards food sends me back into the cycle of "productivity" and passivity where trying to exercise control becomes too much of a burden and so I start to make excuses to slip up. Instead, treating mealtimes as special family rituals might go some ways in restoring balance without turning eating into one more project that I can potentially fail at. This is perhaps what the final card in my reading, the Ace of Cups, might indicate: going back to the very beginning, where nourishment and replenishment is a gift and a source of life and connection.

These are all my thoughts for now. Hopefully I can work on some of these during the week. Ideally, I'd like to be able to do a simple ritual to represent some of these intentions and help me integrate them into my life. The next full moon is on Thursday, November 10, so it would be nice to have a simple ritual to do by then - I can spend the next two weeks thinking a bit about what I'd like to do.

The Astrology of Me, New Year Edition

More insight from the stars about the coming year. Jeff says during 2011, Jupiter and Uranus move into my 6th House (Jupiter and Uranus do funky things for everyone this coming year, bringing intense energies with their conjunction, but which house they appear in will depend on each person's individual natal chart). What does this mean? Jeff explains:

Jupiter is kingship, power, will; Uranus is trickster, surprise, sudden collapse, anti-heirarchy.  The two together are like a trickster-king.  So imagine this trickster-king moving into your life in the realm of health, work, daily routine, etc. It could manifest in many different ways.

For Jeff, Jupiter and Uranus will be doing their star-studded dance in his 3rd house, "which is communications and mental activity. It might be a super-big project at work, some new relationship I [Jeff] have to navigate, or something."



He also sent me a link to a fascinating article, in which the author, Dana Gerhardt, discusses the effects of the 6th house in more detail. She writes:

The 6th refers to daily time and how we spend it. Here most of us defer to the cultural norm—which is to do time mechanically. We fill it with productive activity: We work. Most of us have no choice. This could indeed be the “bad fortune” the ancients were talking about! However, most of us would admit that working is not entirely bad. There is something in us that likes a regular structure in our days. Studies have shown that the most depressed individuals are not the ones who have nine-to-five jobs, but the ones who don't—the unemployed, the infirm, the retired—those who have nowhere to go and nothing to do. The ancients said that action-oriented Mars “joys” in this house. Our 6th house likes to be in motion.

Gerhardt goes on to explore how we can cope with and compensate for the heightened energies of the 6th house:

Merriman was suggesting that to balance the 6th, we should look to its opposing house, the 12th. This is the house belonging to the invisible world. It is Neptune’s territory. To keep Mercury’s efficiency in proper measure, we can evoke more Neptune—imagination, spirituality, the unconsciousness of dream. Just as our dreams carry images from our days, we might allow our days to remember images from our dreams.

Jung teaches there are two roots to psychological disease: the gods we forget to honor and the gods we overdo. Too much of Mercury’s “doing” without Neptune’s “floating in the empty spaces” makes "stress" a common 6th house syndrome. When Neptune is forgotten, this uninvited and quietly vengeful guest lies in wait, to throw us under his spell. Driving the freeway home, we suffer brief comas, waking up just minutes before the off-ramp arrives. We forget why we opened the refrigerator or entered the bedroom. Our bodies working like efficient machines, we go numb to the day. When we lose touch with our present, we fall prey to addictions. It's dishonored Neptune who puts the drink, the cigarette, the remote control in our hands.

She continues:

What I discovered was that most people move through the day in the style of their Ascendant. I’ve got Virgo rising, which means I adore planning, making schedules and lists. "An hour for Tibetan prayers, another for reading, then onto my work," I’ll tell myself. But then there are phone calls, emails to answer, the electrician who doesn’t come when he said he would. Aquarius is on my 6th house cusp. Aquarius more accurately describes the unpredictable rhythms that I meet. Despite my best intentions, my Virgo plans usually break down. If the chart describes one’s daily rhythm, its formula goes more like this: The Ascendant shows how you want the day to happen. The 6th describes how it actually does.

My Ascendant is in Libra, and my 6th house edge is in Aries. When I asked Jeff what this might mean for me, he explained that, "This means you want a measured day, balanced energies and all; but what you get is a day full of passion and energy that may sometimes careen out of control." That does sound like me. When I asked him about balancing my 6th house with my 12th, he continued:

You have a Libra 12th, with the Moon in it.  This means that your emotions often come from somewhere you can't identify - they arise and disappear rather mysteriously - but they're not random; they're direct connections with Spirit, which knows more about what's going on than you do.

He says that I tend to follow Gerhardt's advice quite well already. I may begin the day with a plan, but I hold it loosely and if emotionally I feel "called" to some other work, I usually follow that leading and go. Still, this has become an increasing struggle for me lately, and in some ways it's refreshing to have this interpretation of astrological events serving as both an affirmation of the patterns I've been perceiving, and a reminder about how best to handle these greater currents sweeping through my life.



How long can I expect this to go on? Jeff tells me:

Right now they're slowly approaching Aries. They're still in Pisces, but they're close to your 6th house and almost conjunct, so - yes, you should already be feeling the effects.

It's something rather long-term. Jupiter will be in your 6th house for about a year, and Uranus for several years. There will probably be a lot of the energy this year, especially in the spring, and then as Jupiter moves on past Uranus things will settle down.

More specifically:

Jupiter enters your 6th house on Feb 2nd.  Uranus will enter your 6th house right around the middle of April.  ...  Actually, now that I look at the actual dates, it looks like the influence is probably strongest very soon:  Tuesday of next week!  After that, Jupiter moves very fast and leaves Uranus behind, and by May Jupiter is already on to your 7th house.  So...  as far as Jupiter is concerned, not such a long-term thing.

Uranus will stick around for a few years, but its main effect will just be to make your daily schedule unpredictable.  Uranus in the 6th house can indicate major health issues, but usually only in people who have other major problems (like high stress or whatever).

Brigid, Lady of the Stars: The Astrology of Me

Sun Sign (influences one's self-perception and sense of selfhood)

• Gemini (air/mutable) — The sign of the twins, Gemini sun signs tend to be quick, changeable, mercurial in nature. Their curiosity is powerful, and they often seek out those who will stimulate them intellectually while also being able to keep up with their quick wit and sense of the absurd. Because of their ability to detach from themselves and see both sides of the situation, they can often be quite objective in their analysis of a situation. Gemini sun signs tend to be communicative and bright, enjoying the companionship that arises from good conversation and lively debate.
• Sun in the Ninth House — The basic drive when the sun is in the ninth house is for understanding and self-expansion, which can express itself in a concern for global or world affairs, a love of travel, an interest in higher education, and a desire to study religion, philosophy and mysticism.

Moon Sign (influences one's subconscious and emotional center)

• Libra (air/cardinal) — The light, airy quality of a Libran Moon can be refreshing and enjoyable. Libran Moons place a strong value on relationship and partnership, and also carry with them a deep sense of fairness, balance and justice. They also possess an artistic side and high aesthetic standards.
• Moon in the Twelfth House — Moon in the twelfth house indicates a private person with a love of introspection and a compassionate, charitable side, yet someone who sometimes requires withdrawal or retreat from the busyness of the world in order to refresh.

Ascendant (influences first impressions and indicates a starting point)

• Libra (air/cardinal) — Libra Rising gives a first impression of being a natural "people person," someone who is nice, pleasant, fair-minded, charming and well-liked. Aesthetics plays an important role, as does a heightened sensitivity to the arts and music, and this may express itself also in seeking a sense of harmony rather than discord, and civility and respect rather than vulgarity or rudeness.
• Saturn Conjunct Ascendant — Conservative and self-disciplined, someone with Saturn conjunct their ascendant is likely to be reserved and cautious, perhaps due to anxieties about their self-worth (especially earlier in life). The seriousness and maturity of Saturn shines through even at an early age, despite lingering self-doubts, and with deepening maturity may bring a sense of agelessness that has the authority of truth and wisdom behind it.
• Pluto Conjunct Ascendant — Pluto conjunct the Ascendant tends to express itself through a powerful, insightful and intense personality, deeply private and reserved in some ways while also able to grasp some of the deeper secrets of others. The intensity of this conjunction indicates a person willing to go all-out (or all-in) in their commitments and endeavors.