(An outline for the Lughnasad celebration Jeff and I are planning for tomorrow evening. Forgive the formatting -- I'm composing and posting from my iPad while I sit outside in our front yard. Yeah, that's right. #awesome)
# Opening
**Peace to the Four Corners**
May there be peace in the North,
a light of courage to shine
May there be peace in the South,
a rock of truth to stan upon
May there be peace in the East,
a chalice of kindness to drink
May there be peace in the West,
a staff of wisdom to lean upon
We join here now in peace,
May peace hold sway throughout the three realms
Awen.
**Weaving the Circle**
I weave this circle as sacred space,
Woven in stone, in calas, in bone
I weave this circle as holy time,
Woven with water, with gwyar, with blood
I weave this circle as a nemeton,
sanctuary of spirit,
Woven by flame, by nwfyre, by breath
The circle is woven, the grove is open,
By land, sea and sky, where the three realms meet.
Awen.
**Welcoming the Directions**
Hail and welcome, swift Hawk of Dawn
and the powers of the East!
Winging across the wide lands, far-sighted,
far-seeking, riding the high winds.
May you bless and cleanse our circle
with your presence.
Hail and welcome, bright Stag of Noon
and the powers of the South!
Poised at the height of your power, courageous,
strong with the fiery music of the hunt.
May you bless and strengthen our circle
with your presence.
Hail and welcome, wise Salmon of Dusk
and the powers of the West!
Quiet and quick-silver beneath clear waters,
in touch with the ebb and flow of awen.
May you bless and inspire our circle
with your presence.
Hail and welcome, starry Bear of Midnight
and the powers of the North!
Dark and deep-rooted in the nurturing earth,
great protector of the wilderness.
May you bless and guard our circle
with your presence.
The four corners of the realms are joined.
We stand in the center, place of sovereignty and grace.
Awen.
**Druid's Prayer**
Let us join now in the prayer we share with our fellow Druids.
Grant, oh gods, your protection,
And in protection, strength,
And in strength, understanding,
And in understanding, knowledge,
And in knowledge, the knowledge of justice,
And in the knowledge of justice, the love of it,
And in the love of it, the love of all existences,
And in the love of all existences,
the love of Spirit and all goodness.
Awen.
**Marking the Center**
(Charge the candle for abundance)
By spirit and fire, we mark
the center of this rite.
Gateway between the worlds,
light in dark and dark in light.
(Light the candle)
By land, sea and sky,
sacred fire, well and tree,
The center way is open,
by the three realms, so may it be.
**Invocation of the Gods**
(Improvised invitation and prayer to the gods)
**Making Offerings**
We honor our ancestors of blood, spirit and land,
who walk with us still.
We honor our gods and the gods of our people,
shining ones of spirit.
We honor the earth and all of her beings,
flora and fauna, kith and kindred.
May you accept our offerings
as a symbol of our gratitude and devotion.
Awen.
# Central Working
**Prayer of the Season**
The season of harvest is upon us. Fresh fruits ripen on tree and vine, and the earth prepares herself in her self-giving to welcome her children into a time of plenty and celebration. The majesty of the sun warms us even as the days grow shorter, and we gather in the lingering summer evening to offer our praise to the earth. As Lugh, god of skill and light, Lugh of the long arm, honored his mother with harvest and celebration, so we honor Earth Mother, she who sustains and nourishes us, she who supports and encourages us.
We place upon our altar the gifts of the season: Sweet corn, tall and golden in the field, each kernel a drop of sunlight, round and nourishing, promising wealth and abundance still to come. Berries swollen with juice, fresh and ready to be enjoyed, falling to the earth full of seeds from which future harvests will grow. And wine, blushing, refreshing water of life, coaxing us to joy and celebration.
**Raising Power**
In the sight of the gods and the company of friends,
We raise power for our working,
and open ourselves to receive the blessings
of abundance in our turn.
Prayer:
Flame of creativity and productivity.
Light of abundance and prosperity.
Warmth of gratitude and generosity.
We welcome all these into our lives.
Chant:
(Build the chant as symbols of abundance are shared around the circle: corn, berries and wine. Keep chant going as long as necessary, in multiples of three.)
Flame, Light, Warmth, Welcome (x3)
*clap* Light, Warmth, Welcome (x3)
*clap* *snap* Warmth, Welcome (x3)
*clap* *snap* *slap* Welcome (x3)
*clap* *snap* *slap* *stomp* (X3)
(for final repetition, both words and gestures)
Flame, Light, Warmth, Welcome!
Awen.
# Closing
**Prayer for Peace**
We join together now in a prayer for peace throughout the world.
Deep in the still center of my being,
May I find peace.
Silently in the quiet of the grove,
May I cultivate peace.
Gently within the greater circle of humankind,
May I radiate peace.
Awen.
**Farewell to the Directions**
Hail and farewell, starry Bear.
We honor your presence in our circle tonight.
May peace and gratitude go with you to the North.
Hail and farewell, wise Salmon.
We honor your presence in our circle tonight.
May peace and gratitude go with you to the West.
Hail and farewell, bright Stag.
We honor your presence in our circle tonight.
May peace and gratitude go with you to the South.
Hail and farewell, swift Hawk.
We honor your presence in our circle tonight.
May peace and gratitude go with you to the East.
**Closing the Center and Unweaving the Circle**
The fire that burns before us guides our love and will.
Extinguished on the altar, but carried with us still.
(blow out candle)
The circle is unwoven, returned to time and space.
What power is remaining, may it bless this place.
(empty remaining offerings of water, herbs)
By calas, gwyar, nwfyre, by land and sky and sea,
The rite we’ve worked is over,
By the three realms, may it be.
Showing posts with label full moon. Show all posts
Showing posts with label full moon. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Friday, August 12, 2011
Diary - Flamekeeping
Days of Note: Flamekeeping starts at sundown, Full Claim Song Moon
Sun: leo (fixed fire), 6:28 AM - 8:22 PM
Moon: *full moon, aquarius (fixed air)
Earth: perfect day of nearly cloudless clear skies and gentle sunlight, a relief from the heat and humidity of recent weeks, almost a hint of the autumn weather to come next month and later
At around 4:30 PM this afternoon, Jeff ended work early to go for an extended walk through the woods. The last couple days have been blissfully gorgeous weather, the sunlight golden and the air gentle and cool, lightened from the heat and humidity that have been weighing it down so much in recent weeks. Unfortunately, pain in my legs due to stress (and possibly low vitamins) have kept me sleepless for about three or four nights running now, and this morning I was overwhelmed with worries about the wedding next month and was awake at 5 AM sobbing and angry, so the day began roughly and I was still feeling utterly drained and unfocused even by the afternoon.
Our walk seemed to help that a great deal. We went for a very long walk through Frick Park, down the Upper Riverview Trail, then the Falls Ravine Trail, then left up what I think is called Biddle Trail that passes underneath Forbes and comes out at the far northern end of the park. We went all this way, then turned and followed the wide road that wound down again into the cemetery. Just as we were entering the cemetery - towards the back end, where huge fields of military graves marked with small, sun- and rain-faded flags and sometimes flowers meet up with the edge of the woods - we were stopped in our tracks by four, and then five young bucks moving cautiously out of the underbrush of the wood and into the open fields among the graves to graze in the shade of a large oak tree. They were only twenty or thirty yards from us, and we approached cautiously and sat down in the grass by the side of the road to watch. We must have sat there for a good half-hour as they grazed, every once in a while looking up at us with curiosity, sometimes one or two of them even approaching a bit closer, as though they were trying to figure us out. Jeff and I sat there quietly watching them, trying not to move too much. I thought of how the people in those graves, their bodies were decomposing and going back into the soil, and that soil nourished the grasses that now these deer were feeding on - and the deer so young, five young bucks moving together, there antlers still growing and soft with the sensitive velvet full of blood vessels and nerve endings that make them too fragile and delicate the spar with just yet. There must be something poetic in that.... but it was enough to sit there and watch, and to feel myself making eye contact with those graceful golden animals in the later afternoon sun as they gazed back at me.
Eventually, one of them came close enough that he must have gotten a whiff of our human smell, because suddenly he snorted and stalked back away a bit. The others perked up their ears and all gazed directly at us for a few minutes. Then the same buck snorted again, and then a third time, and haphazardly all five danced off together farther back away from the path and towards the woods again. Not in a rush, but just moving on. One turned back and came towards us several yards again in evident curiosity, but the buck who'd snorted came up behind him as though to watch or warn, and after both of them gazing at us for a minute longer to see if we would follow, both turned back and bounded after the others.
After that, we stood up again and walked on through the rest of the huge cemetery, where it felt so peaceful and empty and quiet. I guess not many people come through there - it's not like it's a park or anything, really, though it backs up to the park. I always imagined cemeteries to be gloomy and sad, but this one was peaceful and lovely, all the graves tended to, families grouped together and occasionally some large monument or beautiful statue or column among the scattered trees. We headed to dinner, then home again, at which point I started my Flamekeeping shift right around sundown.
Though I was still feeling tired (or maybe because I was feeling tired), I decided to do a full circle casting to open and close my ritual tonight. I declared peace to the four directions, then wove the circle with the three elements, then afterwards invited in the energies of the four elements and directions. I spoke the Bond of Druids or Gorsedd prayer, and then did a Three Realms working to connect to the energies of sea, sky and land. By this time, I felt deeply grounded and awake to the current running through me, and I directed that energy into my small pitcher of water, which I charged and then poured as a libation into the blue star fire bowl with the small gold floating candle in it (already lit), marking the center of the rite and opening the gateway. When I parted my hands during the last verse of the prayer to open the gateway, I could feel them buzzing with energy, and from then on during the ritual I felt this deep-pitched ringing or humming in my ears and a profound sense of presence that I haven't often felt in ritual recently. After opening the gateway, I sang my Lady of Star Fire chant as an invitation to Brighid, then hummed the other traditional folk song to her that I know (though I forget the name and can't pronounce the words in Irish Gaelic) while lighting the main Flamekeeping candle and charging up my Brighid's Cross pendant to wear.
After that, I sat in silent prayer for a while, thanking Brighid for her presence in my life and simply sitting with my gratitude. I let her know that I was stressed about the wedding, but so utterly grateful to her for her role in bringing Jeff and I together. I thanked her for all the blessings she's bestowed on me and promised to heed her lessons and do my best to work in her service, even during times when I felt cut off from her. This whole time while in prayer, I felt so close to her, as though surrounded by her embrace or protected all around by her mantle. Finally, I ended my prayers and used my Shadowscape Tarot deck to draw three cards in response to the question, "What lessons do you have for me that I might serve you better?" The cards I drew were, from left to right: Four of Cups, Six of Pentacles, Ace of Swords. (I have some initial impressions on what they might mean, but I want to ponder them more and write a bit about them tomorrow.) To end my ritual, I performed my peace meditation using the Druid Prayer for Peace, and then thanked the four directions and elements, un-wove the circle and ended the rite.
Tomorrow I plan to do some wedding related work along with Jeff - mostly, finishing writing the ceremony, weaving the handfasting cord and then blessing the cord and rings. I'll probably want to do a full ritual with cast circle for that process. I'm hoping I'll get a sounder sleep tonight, especially after such a long walk today. But right now it's getting late, so I'll wrap this up.
Sun: leo (fixed fire), 6:28 AM - 8:22 PM
Moon: *full moon, aquarius (fixed air)
Earth: perfect day of nearly cloudless clear skies and gentle sunlight, a relief from the heat and humidity of recent weeks, almost a hint of the autumn weather to come next month and later
At around 4:30 PM this afternoon, Jeff ended work early to go for an extended walk through the woods. The last couple days have been blissfully gorgeous weather, the sunlight golden and the air gentle and cool, lightened from the heat and humidity that have been weighing it down so much in recent weeks. Unfortunately, pain in my legs due to stress (and possibly low vitamins) have kept me sleepless for about three or four nights running now, and this morning I was overwhelmed with worries about the wedding next month and was awake at 5 AM sobbing and angry, so the day began roughly and I was still feeling utterly drained and unfocused even by the afternoon.
Our walk seemed to help that a great deal. We went for a very long walk through Frick Park, down the Upper Riverview Trail, then the Falls Ravine Trail, then left up what I think is called Biddle Trail that passes underneath Forbes and comes out at the far northern end of the park. We went all this way, then turned and followed the wide road that wound down again into the cemetery. Just as we were entering the cemetery - towards the back end, where huge fields of military graves marked with small, sun- and rain-faded flags and sometimes flowers meet up with the edge of the woods - we were stopped in our tracks by four, and then five young bucks moving cautiously out of the underbrush of the wood and into the open fields among the graves to graze in the shade of a large oak tree. They were only twenty or thirty yards from us, and we approached cautiously and sat down in the grass by the side of the road to watch. We must have sat there for a good half-hour as they grazed, every once in a while looking up at us with curiosity, sometimes one or two of them even approaching a bit closer, as though they were trying to figure us out. Jeff and I sat there quietly watching them, trying not to move too much. I thought of how the people in those graves, their bodies were decomposing and going back into the soil, and that soil nourished the grasses that now these deer were feeding on - and the deer so young, five young bucks moving together, there antlers still growing and soft with the sensitive velvet full of blood vessels and nerve endings that make them too fragile and delicate the spar with just yet. There must be something poetic in that.... but it was enough to sit there and watch, and to feel myself making eye contact with those graceful golden animals in the later afternoon sun as they gazed back at me.
Eventually, one of them came close enough that he must have gotten a whiff of our human smell, because suddenly he snorted and stalked back away a bit. The others perked up their ears and all gazed directly at us for a few minutes. Then the same buck snorted again, and then a third time, and haphazardly all five danced off together farther back away from the path and towards the woods again. Not in a rush, but just moving on. One turned back and came towards us several yards again in evident curiosity, but the buck who'd snorted came up behind him as though to watch or warn, and after both of them gazing at us for a minute longer to see if we would follow, both turned back and bounded after the others.
After that, we stood up again and walked on through the rest of the huge cemetery, where it felt so peaceful and empty and quiet. I guess not many people come through there - it's not like it's a park or anything, really, though it backs up to the park. I always imagined cemeteries to be gloomy and sad, but this one was peaceful and lovely, all the graves tended to, families grouped together and occasionally some large monument or beautiful statue or column among the scattered trees. We headed to dinner, then home again, at which point I started my Flamekeeping shift right around sundown.
Though I was still feeling tired (or maybe because I was feeling tired), I decided to do a full circle casting to open and close my ritual tonight. I declared peace to the four directions, then wove the circle with the three elements, then afterwards invited in the energies of the four elements and directions. I spoke the Bond of Druids or Gorsedd prayer, and then did a Three Realms working to connect to the energies of sea, sky and land. By this time, I felt deeply grounded and awake to the current running through me, and I directed that energy into my small pitcher of water, which I charged and then poured as a libation into the blue star fire bowl with the small gold floating candle in it (already lit), marking the center of the rite and opening the gateway. When I parted my hands during the last verse of the prayer to open the gateway, I could feel them buzzing with energy, and from then on during the ritual I felt this deep-pitched ringing or humming in my ears and a profound sense of presence that I haven't often felt in ritual recently. After opening the gateway, I sang my Lady of Star Fire chant as an invitation to Brighid, then hummed the other traditional folk song to her that I know (though I forget the name and can't pronounce the words in Irish Gaelic) while lighting the main Flamekeeping candle and charging up my Brighid's Cross pendant to wear.
After that, I sat in silent prayer for a while, thanking Brighid for her presence in my life and simply sitting with my gratitude. I let her know that I was stressed about the wedding, but so utterly grateful to her for her role in bringing Jeff and I together. I thanked her for all the blessings she's bestowed on me and promised to heed her lessons and do my best to work in her service, even during times when I felt cut off from her. This whole time while in prayer, I felt so close to her, as though surrounded by her embrace or protected all around by her mantle. Finally, I ended my prayers and used my Shadowscape Tarot deck to draw three cards in response to the question, "What lessons do you have for me that I might serve you better?" The cards I drew were, from left to right: Four of Cups, Six of Pentacles, Ace of Swords. (I have some initial impressions on what they might mean, but I want to ponder them more and write a bit about them tomorrow.) To end my ritual, I performed my peace meditation using the Druid Prayer for Peace, and then thanked the four directions and elements, un-wove the circle and ended the rite.
Tomorrow I plan to do some wedding related work along with Jeff - mostly, finishing writing the ceremony, weaving the handfasting cord and then blessing the cord and rings. I'll probably want to do a full ritual with cast circle for that process. I'm hoping I'll get a sounder sleep tonight, especially after such a long walk today. But right now it's getting late, so I'll wrap this up.
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Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Astrology of Me: Natal Chart Analysis (Part 1)
Days of Note: Full White Lady Moon
Sun: taurus (fixed earth); 6:02am - 8:31pm
Moon: *full moon, sagittarius (mutable fire)
Earth: another gray, drizzly, chilly day with steady rain for hours on end, finally clearing just before sunset this evening with layers of cloud (and a tiny bit of clear blue breaking through) transforming the sky into a tapestry of blues and grays
I. The Chart as a Whole
§A.1 Preponderance & Deficiencies Shown by Planets' Positions • By Sign Placement
a) Elements
§A.2 Preponderance & Deficiencies Shown by Planets' Positions • By House Placement
a) Types
§B Overall Pattern of the Chart
Sun: taurus (fixed earth); 6:02am - 8:31pm
Moon: *full moon, sagittarius (mutable fire)
Earth: another gray, drizzly, chilly day with steady rain for hours on end, finally clearing just before sunset this evening with layers of cloud (and a tiny bit of clear blue breaking through) transforming the sky into a tapestry of blues and grays
Based on Stephen Arroyo's Outline of Chart Interpretation
I. The Chart as a Whole
§A.1 Preponderance & Deficiencies Shown by Planets' Positions • By Sign Placement
a) Elements
- Fire - Venus in Leo; Jupiter conjunct Uranus, and Neptune in Sagittarius
- Earth - none
- Air - Sun conjunct Mars, and Mercury in Gemini; AC conjunct Saturn and Pluto, and Moon in Libra
- Water - none
- Cardinal - AC conjunct Saturn and Pluto, and Moon in Libra
- Fixed - Venus in Leo
- Mutable - Sun conjunct Mars, and Mercury in Gemini; Jupiter conjunct Uranus, and Neptune in Sagittarius
§A.2 Preponderance & Deficiencies Shown by Planets' Positions • By House Placement
a) Types
- Angular - AC conjunct Saturn and Pluto in 1st; Venus in 10th
- Succedent - Jupiter conjunct Uranus in 2nd; Mercury and Mars in 8th
- Cadent - Neptune in 3rd (2nd?); Sun in 9th (8th?); Moon in 12
- Fire - AC conjunct Saturn and Pluto in 1st; Sun in 9th (8th?)
- Earth - Jupiter conjunct Uranus in 2nd; Venus in 10th
- Air - Neptune in 3rd (2nd?)
- Water - Mercury and Mars in 8th; Moon in 12th
§B Overall Pattern of the Chart
An emphasis on Gemini (mutable air) and Sagittarius (mutable fire), with a Sun-Mars conjunction opposite Neptune and a Jupiter-Uranus conjunction opposite Mercury. Both Mercury and Jupiter fall within the signs they rule (Gemini and Sagittarius, respectively), further emphasizing the Gemini-Sagittarius opposition. Sagittarius as a fire sign is associated with cosmic or universal radiant energy expressed as passion, enthusiasm and honesty, while Gemini as an air sign expresses this cosmic energy as life-energy and is concerned primarily with the realm of archetypes or ideas, the patterns "behind" the physical world. Both signs have a mutable quality, correlated to change, flux and flexibility (and can be conceived as spiral energy patterns, according to Arroyo). Sue Tompkins, in her text Aspects in Astrology, describes the Gemini-Sagittarius opposition as being a tension between the archetypal student (Gemini) eager for knowledge and the wise teacher (Sagittarius) as the keeper of that knowledge. (She also compares this pair to the Fool and Judgement (or Justice?) tarot cards, respectively, expressing a tension between a youthful and inquisitive innocence and a concern for wisdom, morality and justice.) This reflects Arroyo's understanding somewhat, as he describes Sagittarius as a sign of aspiration and drive towards ideals, while Gemini is a sign of perception, immediacy and connection (especially expressed verbally).
This suggests to me that one of the dominant patterns in my chart is this tension between, on the one hand, the sharp, perceptive mind of Gemini that leaps at the underlying patterns and connections expressed in the immediate world here-and-now (and especially wants to communicate these perceived connections) and, on the other hand, the more expansive vision of Sagittarius that can conceive of yet-unrealized ideals and pursue them with relentless, even restless passion and enthusiasm. In other words, a tension between the short view and the long view, a tension between fascination with the here-now and a passion for the future-that-could-be. At first, I don't see much in the way of conflict here, so much as complimentary passions…. But the role of Uranus (and Neptune to a lesser extent) complicates the picture. Uranus is in perfectly exact opposition with Mercury (the most exact aspect in the chart), while Neptune's opposition to the Sun is the second-most exact hard aspect (within a degree) in the chart. This brings an element of radical freedom and even chaos (Uranus) as well as a degree of self-deception or glamorization (Neptune) to the opposition. (This deserves some detailed expansion and exploration — so more of that later.)
Besides the Mutable Opposition dominating the chart, the second most obvious pattern is probably the Air Trine between Gemini and Libra (involving, for the most part, the Sun and Mars in Gemini, with Saturn and Pluto conjunct the Ascendent in Libra), along with the Moon also in Libra. Gemini and Libra also seem aligned roughly with the 8th and 12th houses, respectively, both houses ruled by water. I'm not sure what exactly this suggests and need to look into it further, but at least there seems to be an emphasis on a fairly comfortable relationship with learning and communication which may also involve an easy, flowing connection with emotion or feelings. Saturn's placement might complicate this trine somewhat, bringing a certain amount of tension or resistance to it… but again, something I want to look at more deeply later on.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Diary - Dream & Manannan
Sun: taurus (fixed earth), 6:03am - 8:30pm
Moon: *full moon, scorpio (fixed water)
Earth: gray, drizzly, rainy and cool all day
I woke up this morning (around 5 AM) from a very intense dream once again involving a sea god or man deeply connected with the sea, who I'm almost sure is Manannan.
This dream started out as similar to a dream I had a few weeks ago focused on anxiety about the upcoming wedding. In this dream, like the first wedding dream, I was stressed out about the wedding happening "too soon" and thus our wedding guests not taking it seriously — but "too soon" in the dream meant not our set wedding date in September, but right now, this instant. In the dream, I was not engaged to Jeff but to some other man. I don't think I ever saw him in the dream, but I had an impression of him being shorter and stockier than Jeff, darker in hair and complexion and rather rough and harsh. I was set to marry him "in May" (in other words, within the next few weeks), and I was somewhere resembling something like a beach house with my parents and a number of other people, some of whom were my family members and some not.
While there, I met a man and fell passionately in love with him, in the kind of deep-longing-to-be-together-but-never-really-consummating kind of way. The magnetism or connection between us was palpable, as it was in my previous dream about being mistaken for a priestess of the sea god. I felt like my heart was breaking open, but not exactly in sadness. We spent time together on the beach, and during the course of our conversations it became clear that if I tried to enter into some kind of friendship or relationship with him — even if it could not be a romantic one — this would fundamentally change my relationship with my fiancé. I wanted desperately to delay the wedding until the appropriate time (in September) so that I could spend the next months exploring my connection with this man of the sea, and I knew that if I did that, then the man I eventually married would be changed — I would not marry the dark, short, stocky man that I might marry "in May," but would instead end up marrying Jeff as I actually know him — but this was not because the person I was marrying would literally change and I would marry someone else… it was as though the darker man would somehow transform into Jeff through my relationship with the sea god.
This was all very confusing, but I knew that I wanted to explore the relationship with the mysterious man that I felt such a connection to. Still, I couldn't bring myself to let my family know or tell anyone, so I just tried to think of reasons to delay the wedding. I would meet him covertly, among other friends, as though he just happened to be a mutual acquaintance. Once, when out swimming in the ocean, he caught up to me in the deep waters where we could be alone. He said he had a gift for me, then dove down into the depths, not resurfacing for a long time. When he did finally resurface, he was pulling up from beneath the waters a huge ship, its wood creaking and spilling water from it. Friends from shore saw the boat and came out to see, so that soon everyone was clambering on board to explore (while I still stayed treading water next to him in the ocean). On one part of the deck of the ship was a hole in the boards which was covered over and seemed almost to be surrounded by dirt mounded up with bits of grass growing around it. It looked very much like a well of some kind, like you might find on land. Someone asked about it, and the sea-god-man warned them not to open it — they thought it was just a hatch down below deck, but he said (or made me to understand, at least) that it wasn't. Actually, it was a well, a kind of portal that dropped straight down into the depths of the ocean/underworld. He made me to understand that I could stay and live with him on the ship out on the ocean, but even there, I couldn't always be with him. Everyone once in a while, he would have to open the cover of the well and drop down into the very depths, where I could not follow him, and we would be parted. The notion of being parted from him was painful, but in a way that seemed like a noble sacrifice that was well worth it.
Soon after understanding the purpose of the well on the ship, I woke up.
So a great deal to mull over and contemplate in this latest dream (including the question of why I seem to be able to connect with Manannan so much better in dreams than during my ritual times with hi — or, I guess, why he chooses to show up at one time instead of another).
Part of what fed into this dream, I think, was my emotional state last night, spurred on by (yes, I'm a nerd) finally watching the Doctor Who specials from the year between the end of the fourth season and the beginning of the fifth with the 11th Doctor (that obnoxious actor guy who isn't David Tennant). David Tennant as the Doctor saw me through some pretty brutal, lonely times during those years of solitude and poverty — as well as the first few months of my budding romance with Jeff when we finally met in person for the first time (we spent several nights curled up on the futon watching Doctor Who, and then lapsing into make-out sessions while the TARDIS churned on the DVD menu screen ;). For the two or so years since then, I couldn't bring myself to watch the final episodes of Season Four (when the Doctor definitively loses both Rose and Donna, his best friend) for a second time… until just a few weeks ago when Jeff and I decided to go ahead and do it because we were going to start watching them over again with a friend of ours during a weekly "Night of Doctor Who" get together. Just last night, we watched the Special when the 10th Doctor dies. I cried like a baby. Like, we're talking sobs.
Several hours later, when we were settling into bed, I started crying again in a kind of odd mixture of sobs and laughter…. I can't describe exactly why I was crying, but it wasn't just about some silly TV show. I was remembering who I was during those years of deep, wrenching loneliness, and in some ways, I felt like I was mourning that Alison who had to live through those years. I rarely think about that time of my life these days, and my life now seems full of lots of little stresses and anxieties… and yet, now I am so amazingly happy and grateful that it's almost like I can't really allow myself to fully feel that joy, or I'd just be wandering around like a grinning idiot all the time. So there was this weird, sublime tension between my deep grief for that Alison of memory who is, in some ways, always going to be there, in that past, alone and weeping… and at the same time realizing how utterly ridiculous I was for not opening more fully to the joy of my present life. The only way I coped with those years of heartache was to embrace that loneliness and learn to grieve openly and cleanly, so that grieving became a process of healing and an affirmation of life. Now, I have so much to be grateful and joyful about… and yet I'm busy pushing myself, always striving, and beating myself up for not accomplishing more, not moving my career forward as quickly as I want to, not being as good a stepmom as I want to be, etc. All these stresses that, really, aren't that big a deal. Last night, it was as if I was again that sorrowing Alison of memory, only now I was looking forward at my life today… and laughing at how silly I can be, never cutting myself any slack or letting myself enjoy a rest. The whole metaphor of "regeneration" in the Doctor Who series, and this idea that the new Doctor is not really the same even if he has all the same memories… that's kind of what I felt like. Except, I don't want to forget the sadness and grief and loneliness of who I was before. I want to honor the lessons that sorrow and solitude taught me, and be more present to the very real joy in my life right now.
So before going to bed, I had resolved to develop some meditative/ritual practice to help me cultivate my joy and offer it as a gift, as I once did with my loneliness, to my gods and to Spirit and the Song of the World. I didn't know exactly what kind of practice this would be, but I wanted to pursue it. So it's not that much of a surprise to me that this kind of intense emotional turmoil and catharsis last night brought on dreams once again of Manannan. He always seems connected, for me, to that liminal state between sorrow and joy, grief and gratitude. The longing to be with him — and the wrenching awareness that I can't ever be, not really, not permanently — is a theme in so many relationships in my life (and one reason I think I found the Doctor so resonant and moving as a character). That I'm in a good, happy, stable relationship now doesn't really change that. In some ways, Manannan is reminding me, I think, that even with those we love, there are dark places we cannot touch and depths to which we cannot follow, and that as close as I feel to Jeff, I cannot take our relationship for granted. If I do, then the person I am marrying won't really be Jeff, but some shallower version of him more prone to my projections, more of a stranger than the man I love. But if I work to cultivate my joy and my gratitude and my love, especially in the depths where all becomes liminal and the autumn mists rise, then in the coming months my relationship with Jeff will deepen and blossom even more, and our marriage will truly be one of souls in love. I remember in the dream, understanding that it was important to wait until September, and spend time with this Man of the Sea, so that when the time came for me to marry, my marriage would blessed by the cool mists of autumn.
~
Ellen on the LotS SIG asked what I do during a "Seakeeping" shift with Manannan, so I thought I would share my response to her here.
Moon: *full moon, scorpio (fixed water)
Earth: gray, drizzly, rainy and cool all day
I woke up this morning (around 5 AM) from a very intense dream once again involving a sea god or man deeply connected with the sea, who I'm almost sure is Manannan.
This dream started out as similar to a dream I had a few weeks ago focused on anxiety about the upcoming wedding. In this dream, like the first wedding dream, I was stressed out about the wedding happening "too soon" and thus our wedding guests not taking it seriously — but "too soon" in the dream meant not our set wedding date in September, but right now, this instant. In the dream, I was not engaged to Jeff but to some other man. I don't think I ever saw him in the dream, but I had an impression of him being shorter and stockier than Jeff, darker in hair and complexion and rather rough and harsh. I was set to marry him "in May" (in other words, within the next few weeks), and I was somewhere resembling something like a beach house with my parents and a number of other people, some of whom were my family members and some not.
While there, I met a man and fell passionately in love with him, in the kind of deep-longing-to-be-together-but-never-really-consummating kind of way. The magnetism or connection between us was palpable, as it was in my previous dream about being mistaken for a priestess of the sea god. I felt like my heart was breaking open, but not exactly in sadness. We spent time together on the beach, and during the course of our conversations it became clear that if I tried to enter into some kind of friendship or relationship with him — even if it could not be a romantic one — this would fundamentally change my relationship with my fiancé. I wanted desperately to delay the wedding until the appropriate time (in September) so that I could spend the next months exploring my connection with this man of the sea, and I knew that if I did that, then the man I eventually married would be changed — I would not marry the dark, short, stocky man that I might marry "in May," but would instead end up marrying Jeff as I actually know him — but this was not because the person I was marrying would literally change and I would marry someone else… it was as though the darker man would somehow transform into Jeff through my relationship with the sea god.
This was all very confusing, but I knew that I wanted to explore the relationship with the mysterious man that I felt such a connection to. Still, I couldn't bring myself to let my family know or tell anyone, so I just tried to think of reasons to delay the wedding. I would meet him covertly, among other friends, as though he just happened to be a mutual acquaintance. Once, when out swimming in the ocean, he caught up to me in the deep waters where we could be alone. He said he had a gift for me, then dove down into the depths, not resurfacing for a long time. When he did finally resurface, he was pulling up from beneath the waters a huge ship, its wood creaking and spilling water from it. Friends from shore saw the boat and came out to see, so that soon everyone was clambering on board to explore (while I still stayed treading water next to him in the ocean). On one part of the deck of the ship was a hole in the boards which was covered over and seemed almost to be surrounded by dirt mounded up with bits of grass growing around it. It looked very much like a well of some kind, like you might find on land. Someone asked about it, and the sea-god-man warned them not to open it — they thought it was just a hatch down below deck, but he said (or made me to understand, at least) that it wasn't. Actually, it was a well, a kind of portal that dropped straight down into the depths of the ocean/underworld. He made me to understand that I could stay and live with him on the ship out on the ocean, but even there, I couldn't always be with him. Everyone once in a while, he would have to open the cover of the well and drop down into the very depths, where I could not follow him, and we would be parted. The notion of being parted from him was painful, but in a way that seemed like a noble sacrifice that was well worth it.
Soon after understanding the purpose of the well on the ship, I woke up.
So a great deal to mull over and contemplate in this latest dream (including the question of why I seem to be able to connect with Manannan so much better in dreams than during my ritual times with hi — or, I guess, why he chooses to show up at one time instead of another).
Part of what fed into this dream, I think, was my emotional state last night, spurred on by (yes, I'm a nerd) finally watching the Doctor Who specials from the year between the end of the fourth season and the beginning of the fifth with the 11th Doctor (that obnoxious actor guy who isn't David Tennant). David Tennant as the Doctor saw me through some pretty brutal, lonely times during those years of solitude and poverty — as well as the first few months of my budding romance with Jeff when we finally met in person for the first time (we spent several nights curled up on the futon watching Doctor Who, and then lapsing into make-out sessions while the TARDIS churned on the DVD menu screen ;). For the two or so years since then, I couldn't bring myself to watch the final episodes of Season Four (when the Doctor definitively loses both Rose and Donna, his best friend) for a second time… until just a few weeks ago when Jeff and I decided to go ahead and do it because we were going to start watching them over again with a friend of ours during a weekly "Night of Doctor Who" get together. Just last night, we watched the Special when the 10th Doctor dies. I cried like a baby. Like, we're talking sobs.
Several hours later, when we were settling into bed, I started crying again in a kind of odd mixture of sobs and laughter…. I can't describe exactly why I was crying, but it wasn't just about some silly TV show. I was remembering who I was during those years of deep, wrenching loneliness, and in some ways, I felt like I was mourning that Alison who had to live through those years. I rarely think about that time of my life these days, and my life now seems full of lots of little stresses and anxieties… and yet, now I am so amazingly happy and grateful that it's almost like I can't really allow myself to fully feel that joy, or I'd just be wandering around like a grinning idiot all the time. So there was this weird, sublime tension between my deep grief for that Alison of memory who is, in some ways, always going to be there, in that past, alone and weeping… and at the same time realizing how utterly ridiculous I was for not opening more fully to the joy of my present life. The only way I coped with those years of heartache was to embrace that loneliness and learn to grieve openly and cleanly, so that grieving became a process of healing and an affirmation of life. Now, I have so much to be grateful and joyful about… and yet I'm busy pushing myself, always striving, and beating myself up for not accomplishing more, not moving my career forward as quickly as I want to, not being as good a stepmom as I want to be, etc. All these stresses that, really, aren't that big a deal. Last night, it was as if I was again that sorrowing Alison of memory, only now I was looking forward at my life today… and laughing at how silly I can be, never cutting myself any slack or letting myself enjoy a rest. The whole metaphor of "regeneration" in the Doctor Who series, and this idea that the new Doctor is not really the same even if he has all the same memories… that's kind of what I felt like. Except, I don't want to forget the sadness and grief and loneliness of who I was before. I want to honor the lessons that sorrow and solitude taught me, and be more present to the very real joy in my life right now.
So before going to bed, I had resolved to develop some meditative/ritual practice to help me cultivate my joy and offer it as a gift, as I once did with my loneliness, to my gods and to Spirit and the Song of the World. I didn't know exactly what kind of practice this would be, but I wanted to pursue it. So it's not that much of a surprise to me that this kind of intense emotional turmoil and catharsis last night brought on dreams once again of Manannan. He always seems connected, for me, to that liminal state between sorrow and joy, grief and gratitude. The longing to be with him — and the wrenching awareness that I can't ever be, not really, not permanently — is a theme in so many relationships in my life (and one reason I think I found the Doctor so resonant and moving as a character). That I'm in a good, happy, stable relationship now doesn't really change that. In some ways, Manannan is reminding me, I think, that even with those we love, there are dark places we cannot touch and depths to which we cannot follow, and that as close as I feel to Jeff, I cannot take our relationship for granted. If I do, then the person I am marrying won't really be Jeff, but some shallower version of him more prone to my projections, more of a stranger than the man I love. But if I work to cultivate my joy and my gratitude and my love, especially in the depths where all becomes liminal and the autumn mists rise, then in the coming months my relationship with Jeff will deepen and blossom even more, and our marriage will truly be one of souls in love. I remember in the dream, understanding that it was important to wait until September, and spend time with this Man of the Sea, so that when the time came for me to marry, my marriage would blessed by the cool mists of autumn.
Ellen on the LotS SIG asked what I do during a "Seakeeping" shift with Manannan, so I thought I would share my response to her here.
Honestly, at this point, my practice with Manannan is still in its infancy, taking many stumbling baby-steps. My basic pattern for ritual work is the same I use for Brigid during my Cauldron Cill Flamekeeping shift. I begin my shift at sundown of the appropriate day, opening with a small, simple ritual of welcome.
For Brigid, I have prayers that I use to more fully invite her presence into my life and to charge/consecrate anew the flame pendant that I wear during my Flamekeeping shift. I light a physical candle during this ritual, even if I'll only be able to keep an LED one "burning" during the shift itself, and I pass the pendant above the flames while chanting, "Fire and Water in the Earth of my body, I keep your Sacred Flame." I don't really have a similar thing to do for Manannan, though I've been thinking for a while of finding either a shell pendant to wear, or a ring made of shell (like those hokey ones you can get at beach tourist gift shops). Instead of lighting a candle, I have a blue pitcher that I fill with water which I'll hold between my hands to charge, then pouring libation into my offering bowl (and taking a sip to honor the Spirit/god within). I do have a large whelk shell that was a gift from the sea when I was down at the beach last fall that I also bless. Afterwards, for both Flamekeeping and Seakeeping, I spend some time in meditation and prayer, maybe doing some trance work if I have the stamina for it, and usually concluding the ritual with a divination. During the next 24ish hours, I keep/carry/wear the symbol of my shift with me (and for Brigid, keep either a real or LED flame burning) as a reminder and object of focus for my shift. The next night at sundown, I do a closing ritual where I thank the god/dess for the gifts they've brought into my life, and basically do a kind of "unwinding" (for Brigid, this kind of takes the form of a metaphorical "smooring the fire" for safekeeping until my next shift).
This works very well for Brigid… but I'm finding that for Manannan, it's not jiving as well. For one thing, the metaphor of the flame or fire as something that requires tending (and then can be "smoored") means that the activity of the Flamekeeping shift is actually, well, active, even if only in a metaphorical sense. I feel like I'm actually doing something during my Flamekeeping shift, and usually my creativity feels a bit heightened. During my Seakeeping shifts, though, I've more often felt at a loss for what I was supposed to be doing… There was kind of a sense of the ocean not really being something that needs tending or "keeping," and lighting a candle just feels more active then filling a bowl with water (which will slowly evaporate over the next month, whether I pay attention to it or not). I think this may be one area where I need to rethink the Seakeeping shift and how I approach it. I'm exploring the idea of incorporating some ritual practice that's more about opening myself up to receptivity and relaxing into the presence of Manannan, and not so much about the active engagement and honoring that I do with Brigid during my Flamekeeping… if that makes sense. Some kind of ritual bath would probably be good in this case, but not always possible depending on where I am and what my schedule is.
Like I mentioned already, what I'd really like is to be able to develop some unique rituals for each of the Flamekeeping and Seakeeping shifts, particular to the energies of those deities, but then have one or two practices that I do during both that kind of connect or help to integrate them in some way. (I'm thinking, for instance, of the "Running the Iron/Pearl Pentagrams" in Feri, though I know very little about that other than their names, or the Turning the Three Cauldrons meditation that I've heard about here and there.) So that's where I'm at right now. Trying to find some kind of ritual that is simple enough and practical enough that I can actually commit to doing it regularly… but is also effective and ritually/symbolically meaningful and fitting…. So, lots to think about and experiment with.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Diary
Days of Note: Full White Waking Moon
Sun: entering into pieces (water/mutable), 7:10am - 5:59pm
Moon: full moon, virgo (earth/mutable)
Earth: a second unusually warm day in the middle of February, bright, warm sunlight, white fluffy clouds in a crystal blue sky, winds shifting the bare tree branches and playing with the wind chimes all up and down the block, the woods was restless with spring's first robins and last winter's dried, dead leaves stirring in miniature cyclones in the breeze; everything is mud and melting ice
The last few days were rough, with some discomfort and pain and general fatigue, but today has been lovely. We've opened up the windows all over the house to allow the rooms to air out with the breeze, and the place feels full of shifting life and wafting curtains again. A warm day like today does not feel very much like spring, exactly, as it's too early and it seems even the land knows tomorrow will be cold and near freezing again. The air is too dry and restless to be full spring air, though everywhere there is mud and muck and melting. Jeff and I had lunch outside in the backyard, watching the clouds pass in front of the sun one by one. He kept insisting it was a day from May, but May is more lush and green than this. Everything is still very dry and stiff, not awake like true spring but restless in its sleep. It will be waking soon.
The last few days of work have been interesting, as a new project had me hopping and worrying a bit about my "boss's boss" approving of what I was doing. Things seemed to have gone well, but to go from so little supervision to that kind of extra oversight makes me worry. I want to be thought of as a competent and hard worker — a tough task to accomplish when you work from home sometimes, I guess.
So my creativity of earlier in the week was on the wane, for a few reasons. Today was a "day off" (with only a few hours of work in the morning), as was yesterday which I spent mostly arguing with trolls online. I should know better, but it's hard to resist sometimes. This time at least I did not let it bother me so much... or, I shouldn't put it that way. "Letting" seems to have very little to do with it — but at least, the trolls remained laughable, and their insults ridiculous, enough for me to easily shrug them off. I spent some time yesterday afternoon working on some creative awen work with the Kowit poetry workbook.... but found none of the prompts for the exercise I was working on to be very helpful. Prompts like "remember a time when you were sad" or "remember a time when you felt humiliated" came up empty-handed — I could remember occasions that seemed a mix of frustrated and restlessness, but nothing much else came to mind. Jeff said I must have just been in a particular mood, and I know that sometimes I do get "blocked" or stuck in a particular emotional state when it becomes difficult for me to remember feeling any other way. That got us on to astrology again, and conversations about my moon being in my twelfth house, so that the source of my emotions were often a mystery to me but also, if I follow them willingly and trustingly, serve as my connection to Mystery and grace.
This, of course, led back to a conversation about how to work with my Saturn return, which is fast approaching. Yesterday, in my restlessness, I asked Jeff just to come up with a simple practice I could do regularly, since trying to be "creative" to come up with some practical exercises seemed too much to deal with at the time and I was coming up dry. He said he'd give it some thought, and in the meantime I will be contemplating it, too. I want to ask Brigid for her aid in this endeavor, but I'm feeling like a neglectful devotee — this past week, I completely got the day wrong for my Flamekeeping shift. Remembering that I would be Keeping during Valentine's Day, I had it in my brain that my shift began at sundown on Valentine's Day itself, but this turned out to be one sundown too late. When I realized the mistake (no thanks to my Google calendar, which has been acting wonky with my holy days sub-calendar for some reason recently), I kept my shift one day off.... but still feel as though I should have done more to make up for the lapse. If my first year of Flamekeeping was characterized by plenty of strange and happy coincidences, with my Keeping shifts falling on important dates almost every month it seemed, this year's Flamekeeping seems more like to be characterized by distraction, forgetfulness and a need on my part to be more careful and disciplined in my devotions.
After dinner yesterday, though, I did return to my computer to work on a poem inspired by the trollish bickering that I'd experienced online that day. Reimagining these accusations of being "idealistic" and naive and living in "white flower power land" (like I said — so absurd as to be laughable, almost endearing in their mischaracterizations of my view), the poem arose as a kind of affirmation that to be open to wonder is also a kind of power, and sometimes one more difficult and more risky than the power of brute force and violence. I shared the poem below, as well as on P+P (where a reader promptly tried to rebut with song lyrics — gods, I love a good old fashion bardic match!). So yesterday, after priming the pump for hours and coming up dry, it turned out I had a poem in me after all.
Today, after working several hours in the morning and lunching with Jeff outside in the sunlight, I decided to go into the woods for some meditation. During my walk, I scouted the next stone I would need to bless and consecrate for my DOTR work. I sang songs to the earth as I walked, which always helps to anchor me and center me in the work, reminding me that this is not just some casual stroll but a journey for a sacred purpose. I made my way to the stone outcropping where I usually sit, looking down over the ravine, and spent some time in meditation there, breathing and chanting the awen and grounding in the stirring bones of the earth. It's obvious that I need to return to regular meditative practice, as my mind wandered quite a bit during this time. But then, I am not a machine, not clockwork, and I do sometimes wonder if a wandering mind just isn't more natural during some times of the month. Chanting the awen, I felt centered and grounded, and when I fell back into silence, it seemed to me that my voice continued to be carried and echoed in the wind and among the trees in the woods surrounding me — just as it had that time in Ohiopyle, near the waterfall last May. I consecrated a small jar of water and, after a sip to honor the Spirit within, poured it out upon the rock as an offering to the local land. I then did the same with a jar of birdseed, as an offering to the spirits and beings of the land. Though my meditative work was perhaps not as fruitful as I might have liked, the rite itself seemed rooted and powerful enough. Anyway, we do not do these rites for ourselves alone or the way they make us feel — we do the work as real work, true action in the world, that shapes and changes the world. A gift is a gift because of intention, even if that intention is worn and frazzled at the edges because of moontides and stress. I hope the land can meet me half-way, as it has so often done before.
Diary Tarot Card:
(b) Song of the World
(d) Song of the Land ............ (c) Song of my Gods
(a) Song Within
(a) Song Within - The Ten of Pentacles is a card of fulfillment and enjoyment in life, rooted and steeped in the beauty of the material world but married to the spiritual meanings and movements, often found most poignantly in art and aesthetics. As Annie Dillard writes, an artist "jammed in the pool of materials," lives also in the mind, home of forms, and in the spirit. This is a card of auspiciousness, prosperity and generosity alike as they are connected and mutually supportive in the physical world of nature and its laws of exchange and engagement. Hard work and diligence comes to fruition in poise, comfort and simple pleasures enjoyed freely, without covetousness or hedonism. A willingness to work within the forms and limits of tradition and deep, ancient wisdom also expresses itself in this card — while this may sometimes bog us down in overly stiff structure, in this card the limits and boundaries of form, tradition and discipline serve a vital purpose in shaping and cultivating liveliness and joy.
(b) Song of the World - Temperance (XIV) brings together in balance, harmony and exchange the swirling, dancing, jousting energies of masculine and feminine, earth and sky, light and dark, phoenix and dragon, yin and yang. Life comes not from the strict purity of extremes, but from this dance of tension and difference, each tempering the other — the fire in the water. This card signifies a time of respite, rest and relief — albeit only a temporary one, perhaps — after a struggle, when we have a chance to refresh ourselves, catch our breath, and ready for the next step in the journey. There is poise and a sense of stillness and quiet in this card, despite the roaring, twining energies that surround the angel of temperance where she perches. Her mind is clear and open, the connections between thought and soul and manifestation in the material world laid bare and beautiful before her soft-gazing eyes.
(c) Song of my Gods - The Seven of Cups is a card of paradox, offering many choices — almost too many to count or consider — but only some of them may lead to deeper connection with both soul and spirit, and the Song of the World. Egotism and fantasy threaten to lead us off our path and we may make wrong choices if we stay too long with our "heads in the clouds," day dreaming of wealth or fame or other such rewards. But with our gaze firmly held to those ways of true value, following wise advice of those who have come before us, we can find the path to deeper, more authentic engagement and wholeness. The siren song of this card is not all deception, but we must be careful in our choices, and allow humility — grounding in the earth — to help us choose which path we take.
(d) Song of the Land - The Chariot (VII) wrestles with the chaotic, restless forces of conflicting desires and intentions, the conscious and the unconscious aspects of ourselves. To master these tensions and ride victorious requires strength of will and receptivity to changing circumstances alike. Psychologically, this card represents the healthy development of our ego selves, that sense of self that governs our actions and navigates a smooth, sure course through sometimes murky waters or conflicting interests. This is a card of composure and confidence amidst confusion and disorder, the first assertion of the ego as a reliable center for the individual self.
Further Interpretation - The cards drawn for the Song of the World (Temperance) and the Song of the Land (The Chariot), both major arcana, also both involve the balance of energies and the dancing, push-pull of conflict and tension between opposites. Appropriate for the time of year, and for the weather and energies of this day in particular, these cards seem to reflect the moods, energies and currents of the greater world — the coming of spring, the restlessness of the wind over the bare, muddy land, the play of water over soil and warm sunlight slicing through sometimes chilly air. Both cards incorporate a kind of paradox of both stillness and chaotic movement, poise and grace as well as mess and conflict.
The Ten of Pentacles in the position of Song Within seems to indicate my recent focus on a more disciplined approach to creative writing, and my willingness to "prime the pump" even on days when I am not feeling particularly creative or inspired. It may also indicate the process of revision and craft involved in pulling together a book manuscript, a project that I have also started recently and hope to finish over the next several months. Since this card came up earlier in a reading in a position that seemed to suggest this was my best approach to the writing life and the work of my soul, I am pleased to see it showing up again here — perhaps this means that I am orienting myself in a helpful and receptive way and utilizing my self-discipline as the necessary tool that it is to help me accomplish my goals.
The card that appears in the position of Song of my Gods (Seven of Cups) is the most confusing of this reading, which is not exactly surprising given the paradoxical nature of the number seven. In previous readings, this card has seemed to warn about making wrong choices, being distracted by temptations to popularity or influence instead of remaining anchored in the work of my writing. The two figures in the card face in different directions, though both to the left (in fact, all the figures in all four cards face to the left, with the exception of a few of the animals in Temperance and The Chariot) — the woman looks up, gesturing, towards the position of the Song of the World (Temperance) card, while the man gazes down at the map he holds, in the direction of the Song Within (Ten of Pentacles) card. In the artist's interpretation, it is the male who is "grounded" and sensible enough to accomplish the couple's goals, while the female is too much distracted by temptation and fantasy. That the woman gestures towards the external "world" position while the man gazes down with steady discipline towards the "internal" position is interesting. Yet at the same time, the card that the woman points to is Temperance, a card with encouraging meaning of its own. The angle of temperance herself seems to be turned inward, deep in contemplation of the forces around her. Meanwhile, the Ten of Pentacles holds not only the prosperous queen, but the old dragon steady, perhaps even stuck, in his ways. So an orientation towards both the external and internal worlds may be necessary — the greater world may hold not only temptations and distractions, but inspiring examples and helpful guides to the navigation of these tensions and vital energies, while the inner world may run the risk of becoming too entrenched in navel-gazing and self-reference and in this way become stuck. A map may be a helpful guide, as in self-discipline, but it must be supplemented. A floating castle may be mere fantasy, but if we see such dreams realized in the world through the lives of others, perhaps we do well to ask ourselves how this is possible, and learn from the questions we ask. It seems to message of this card, then, is both discernment and balance, seeking out what is helpful to guide my choices without discounting either one or the other out of hand. Seems like the kind of advice I often get from my gods, Brigid in particular.
Sun: entering into pieces (water/mutable), 7:10am - 5:59pm
Moon: full moon, virgo (earth/mutable)
Earth: a second unusually warm day in the middle of February, bright, warm sunlight, white fluffy clouds in a crystal blue sky, winds shifting the bare tree branches and playing with the wind chimes all up and down the block, the woods was restless with spring's first robins and last winter's dried, dead leaves stirring in miniature cyclones in the breeze; everything is mud and melting ice
The last few days were rough, with some discomfort and pain and general fatigue, but today has been lovely. We've opened up the windows all over the house to allow the rooms to air out with the breeze, and the place feels full of shifting life and wafting curtains again. A warm day like today does not feel very much like spring, exactly, as it's too early and it seems even the land knows tomorrow will be cold and near freezing again. The air is too dry and restless to be full spring air, though everywhere there is mud and muck and melting. Jeff and I had lunch outside in the backyard, watching the clouds pass in front of the sun one by one. He kept insisting it was a day from May, but May is more lush and green than this. Everything is still very dry and stiff, not awake like true spring but restless in its sleep. It will be waking soon.
The last few days of work have been interesting, as a new project had me hopping and worrying a bit about my "boss's boss" approving of what I was doing. Things seemed to have gone well, but to go from so little supervision to that kind of extra oversight makes me worry. I want to be thought of as a competent and hard worker — a tough task to accomplish when you work from home sometimes, I guess.
So my creativity of earlier in the week was on the wane, for a few reasons. Today was a "day off" (with only a few hours of work in the morning), as was yesterday which I spent mostly arguing with trolls online. I should know better, but it's hard to resist sometimes. This time at least I did not let it bother me so much... or, I shouldn't put it that way. "Letting" seems to have very little to do with it — but at least, the trolls remained laughable, and their insults ridiculous, enough for me to easily shrug them off. I spent some time yesterday afternoon working on some creative awen work with the Kowit poetry workbook.... but found none of the prompts for the exercise I was working on to be very helpful. Prompts like "remember a time when you were sad" or "remember a time when you felt humiliated" came up empty-handed — I could remember occasions that seemed a mix of frustrated and restlessness, but nothing much else came to mind. Jeff said I must have just been in a particular mood, and I know that sometimes I do get "blocked" or stuck in a particular emotional state when it becomes difficult for me to remember feeling any other way. That got us on to astrology again, and conversations about my moon being in my twelfth house, so that the source of my emotions were often a mystery to me but also, if I follow them willingly and trustingly, serve as my connection to Mystery and grace.
This, of course, led back to a conversation about how to work with my Saturn return, which is fast approaching. Yesterday, in my restlessness, I asked Jeff just to come up with a simple practice I could do regularly, since trying to be "creative" to come up with some practical exercises seemed too much to deal with at the time and I was coming up dry. He said he'd give it some thought, and in the meantime I will be contemplating it, too. I want to ask Brigid for her aid in this endeavor, but I'm feeling like a neglectful devotee — this past week, I completely got the day wrong for my Flamekeeping shift. Remembering that I would be Keeping during Valentine's Day, I had it in my brain that my shift began at sundown on Valentine's Day itself, but this turned out to be one sundown too late. When I realized the mistake (no thanks to my Google calendar, which has been acting wonky with my holy days sub-calendar for some reason recently), I kept my shift one day off.... but still feel as though I should have done more to make up for the lapse. If my first year of Flamekeeping was characterized by plenty of strange and happy coincidences, with my Keeping shifts falling on important dates almost every month it seemed, this year's Flamekeeping seems more like to be characterized by distraction, forgetfulness and a need on my part to be more careful and disciplined in my devotions.
After dinner yesterday, though, I did return to my computer to work on a poem inspired by the trollish bickering that I'd experienced online that day. Reimagining these accusations of being "idealistic" and naive and living in "white flower power land" (like I said — so absurd as to be laughable, almost endearing in their mischaracterizations of my view), the poem arose as a kind of affirmation that to be open to wonder is also a kind of power, and sometimes one more difficult and more risky than the power of brute force and violence. I shared the poem below, as well as on P+P (where a reader promptly tried to rebut with song lyrics — gods, I love a good old fashion bardic match!). So yesterday, after priming the pump for hours and coming up dry, it turned out I had a poem in me after all.
Today, after working several hours in the morning and lunching with Jeff outside in the sunlight, I decided to go into the woods for some meditation. During my walk, I scouted the next stone I would need to bless and consecrate for my DOTR work. I sang songs to the earth as I walked, which always helps to anchor me and center me in the work, reminding me that this is not just some casual stroll but a journey for a sacred purpose. I made my way to the stone outcropping where I usually sit, looking down over the ravine, and spent some time in meditation there, breathing and chanting the awen and grounding in the stirring bones of the earth. It's obvious that I need to return to regular meditative practice, as my mind wandered quite a bit during this time. But then, I am not a machine, not clockwork, and I do sometimes wonder if a wandering mind just isn't more natural during some times of the month. Chanting the awen, I felt centered and grounded, and when I fell back into silence, it seemed to me that my voice continued to be carried and echoed in the wind and among the trees in the woods surrounding me — just as it had that time in Ohiopyle, near the waterfall last May. I consecrated a small jar of water and, after a sip to honor the Spirit within, poured it out upon the rock as an offering to the local land. I then did the same with a jar of birdseed, as an offering to the spirits and beings of the land. Though my meditative work was perhaps not as fruitful as I might have liked, the rite itself seemed rooted and powerful enough. Anyway, we do not do these rites for ourselves alone or the way they make us feel — we do the work as real work, true action in the world, that shapes and changes the world. A gift is a gift because of intention, even if that intention is worn and frazzled at the edges because of moontides and stress. I hope the land can meet me half-way, as it has so often done before.
Diary Tarot Card:
(d) Song of the Land ............ (c) Song of my Gods
(a) Song Within
(a) Song Within - The Ten of Pentacles is a card of fulfillment and enjoyment in life, rooted and steeped in the beauty of the material world but married to the spiritual meanings and movements, often found most poignantly in art and aesthetics. As Annie Dillard writes, an artist "jammed in the pool of materials," lives also in the mind, home of forms, and in the spirit. This is a card of auspiciousness, prosperity and generosity alike as they are connected and mutually supportive in the physical world of nature and its laws of exchange and engagement. Hard work and diligence comes to fruition in poise, comfort and simple pleasures enjoyed freely, without covetousness or hedonism. A willingness to work within the forms and limits of tradition and deep, ancient wisdom also expresses itself in this card — while this may sometimes bog us down in overly stiff structure, in this card the limits and boundaries of form, tradition and discipline serve a vital purpose in shaping and cultivating liveliness and joy.
(b) Song of the World - Temperance (XIV) brings together in balance, harmony and exchange the swirling, dancing, jousting energies of masculine and feminine, earth and sky, light and dark, phoenix and dragon, yin and yang. Life comes not from the strict purity of extremes, but from this dance of tension and difference, each tempering the other — the fire in the water. This card signifies a time of respite, rest and relief — albeit only a temporary one, perhaps — after a struggle, when we have a chance to refresh ourselves, catch our breath, and ready for the next step in the journey. There is poise and a sense of stillness and quiet in this card, despite the roaring, twining energies that surround the angel of temperance where she perches. Her mind is clear and open, the connections between thought and soul and manifestation in the material world laid bare and beautiful before her soft-gazing eyes.
(c) Song of my Gods - The Seven of Cups is a card of paradox, offering many choices — almost too many to count or consider — but only some of them may lead to deeper connection with both soul and spirit, and the Song of the World. Egotism and fantasy threaten to lead us off our path and we may make wrong choices if we stay too long with our "heads in the clouds," day dreaming of wealth or fame or other such rewards. But with our gaze firmly held to those ways of true value, following wise advice of those who have come before us, we can find the path to deeper, more authentic engagement and wholeness. The siren song of this card is not all deception, but we must be careful in our choices, and allow humility — grounding in the earth — to help us choose which path we take.
(d) Song of the Land - The Chariot (VII) wrestles with the chaotic, restless forces of conflicting desires and intentions, the conscious and the unconscious aspects of ourselves. To master these tensions and ride victorious requires strength of will and receptivity to changing circumstances alike. Psychologically, this card represents the healthy development of our ego selves, that sense of self that governs our actions and navigates a smooth, sure course through sometimes murky waters or conflicting interests. This is a card of composure and confidence amidst confusion and disorder, the first assertion of the ego as a reliable center for the individual self.
Further Interpretation - The cards drawn for the Song of the World (Temperance) and the Song of the Land (The Chariot), both major arcana, also both involve the balance of energies and the dancing, push-pull of conflict and tension between opposites. Appropriate for the time of year, and for the weather and energies of this day in particular, these cards seem to reflect the moods, energies and currents of the greater world — the coming of spring, the restlessness of the wind over the bare, muddy land, the play of water over soil and warm sunlight slicing through sometimes chilly air. Both cards incorporate a kind of paradox of both stillness and chaotic movement, poise and grace as well as mess and conflict.
The Ten of Pentacles in the position of Song Within seems to indicate my recent focus on a more disciplined approach to creative writing, and my willingness to "prime the pump" even on days when I am not feeling particularly creative or inspired. It may also indicate the process of revision and craft involved in pulling together a book manuscript, a project that I have also started recently and hope to finish over the next several months. Since this card came up earlier in a reading in a position that seemed to suggest this was my best approach to the writing life and the work of my soul, I am pleased to see it showing up again here — perhaps this means that I am orienting myself in a helpful and receptive way and utilizing my self-discipline as the necessary tool that it is to help me accomplish my goals.
The card that appears in the position of Song of my Gods (Seven of Cups) is the most confusing of this reading, which is not exactly surprising given the paradoxical nature of the number seven. In previous readings, this card has seemed to warn about making wrong choices, being distracted by temptations to popularity or influence instead of remaining anchored in the work of my writing. The two figures in the card face in different directions, though both to the left (in fact, all the figures in all four cards face to the left, with the exception of a few of the animals in Temperance and The Chariot) — the woman looks up, gesturing, towards the position of the Song of the World (Temperance) card, while the man gazes down at the map he holds, in the direction of the Song Within (Ten of Pentacles) card. In the artist's interpretation, it is the male who is "grounded" and sensible enough to accomplish the couple's goals, while the female is too much distracted by temptation and fantasy. That the woman gestures towards the external "world" position while the man gazes down with steady discipline towards the "internal" position is interesting. Yet at the same time, the card that the woman points to is Temperance, a card with encouraging meaning of its own. The angle of temperance herself seems to be turned inward, deep in contemplation of the forces around her. Meanwhile, the Ten of Pentacles holds not only the prosperous queen, but the old dragon steady, perhaps even stuck, in his ways. So an orientation towards both the external and internal worlds may be necessary — the greater world may hold not only temptations and distractions, but inspiring examples and helpful guides to the navigation of these tensions and vital energies, while the inner world may run the risk of becoming too entrenched in navel-gazing and self-reference and in this way become stuck. A map may be a helpful guide, as in self-discipline, but it must be supplemented. A floating castle may be mere fantasy, but if we see such dreams realized in the world through the lives of others, perhaps we do well to ask ourselves how this is possible, and learn from the questions we ask. It seems to message of this card, then, is both discernment and balance, seeking out what is helpful to guide my choices without discounting either one or the other out of hand. Seems like the kind of advice I often get from my gods, Brigid in particular.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Daily Diary
Sun: aquarius (air/fixed); 7:39am - 5:23pm
Moon: **full moon, leo (fire/fixed)
Earth: much colder with snow starting in early afternoon and continuing into evening, steady and cold and gray and blah
Thoughts: started the morning by thinking about the relationship between reason and faith (especially the tradition of rationalism and secularism, and the tradition of exclusive monotheistic faith) in the history of Western society, sparked by an article Kevin sent me; also did some thinking about the myth of Cú Chulainn and the role of irony and tragedy in Celtic mythology, and why so many Pagans seem to want to take for granted a role model/infallible interpretation of the great heros of myth, justifying whatever actions they take; otherwise, spent most of today focused on work, trying to plow through; spent some time in the evening planning a to-do list for my "day off" tomorrow, chores and things to do around the house
Actions: went to Panera for the morning to get some work done (contractor work, mainly, though also spent some time reading an article that Kevin sent me); ran some errands at the grocery store and picked up a few candles before heading home for lunch; spent the afternoon plugging away at work and fighting a headache; then relaxed after dinner, poked around online
Connections: got some good thoughts in about two really interested topics, and honestly, it's nice to be able to ponder these things without the automatic instinct/urge to "write about them" in a blog; gives the ideas some room to breathe, instead of constant pressure to put on their "game face" and go out to perform and prove myself; it is also really nice to be able to plug away at simple tasks at work and accomplish something (have I mentioned that already?); now I just want this headache and stuffy nose to go away, and I'll be all set
Daily Tarot Card: The Knight of Swords is a figure of intensity, purpose, one might say single-mindedness. With sharp intellect and brutal honesty, this knight gives little credence to emotions and their role - he charges ahead, driven by his vision and his goals. He can be domineering and harsh, as well as fearless and loyal. In some circumstances, his energy and action may be exactly what's needed to cut through the red tape and charge courageously ahead. At other times, he can be callous, overbearing and prone to take or cause offense, trodding on the emotions of others without regard and sensitivity.
Moon: **full moon, leo (fire/fixed)
Earth: much colder with snow starting in early afternoon and continuing into evening, steady and cold and gray and blah
Thoughts: started the morning by thinking about the relationship between reason and faith (especially the tradition of rationalism and secularism, and the tradition of exclusive monotheistic faith) in the history of Western society, sparked by an article Kevin sent me; also did some thinking about the myth of Cú Chulainn and the role of irony and tragedy in Celtic mythology, and why so many Pagans seem to want to take for granted a role model/infallible interpretation of the great heros of myth, justifying whatever actions they take; otherwise, spent most of today focused on work, trying to plow through; spent some time in the evening planning a to-do list for my "day off" tomorrow, chores and things to do around the house
Actions: went to Panera for the morning to get some work done (contractor work, mainly, though also spent some time reading an article that Kevin sent me); ran some errands at the grocery store and picked up a few candles before heading home for lunch; spent the afternoon plugging away at work and fighting a headache; then relaxed after dinner, poked around online
Connections: got some good thoughts in about two really interested topics, and honestly, it's nice to be able to ponder these things without the automatic instinct/urge to "write about them" in a blog; gives the ideas some room to breathe, instead of constant pressure to put on their "game face" and go out to perform and prove myself; it is also really nice to be able to plug away at simple tasks at work and accomplish something (have I mentioned that already?); now I just want this headache and stuffy nose to go away, and I'll be all set
Daily Tarot Card: The Knight of Swords is a figure of intensity, purpose, one might say single-mindedness. With sharp intellect and brutal honesty, this knight gives little credence to emotions and their role - he charges ahead, driven by his vision and his goals. He can be domineering and harsh, as well as fearless and loyal. In some circumstances, his energy and action may be exactly what's needed to cut through the red tape and charge courageously ahead. At other times, he can be callous, overbearing and prone to take or cause offense, trodding on the emotions of others without regard and sensitivity.
Labels:
*,
aquarius,
diary,
full moon,
tarot - swords,
tarot - swords knight,
winter
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Daily Diary
Days of Note: Full Moon
Sun: capricorn (earth/cardinal), on the cusp of aquarius (air/fixed); 7:39am - 5:22pm
Moon: **full moon, leo (fire/fixed)
Earth: slightly colder than yesterday, gray and rainy all day with snow-mix for a little while in the afternoon
Thoughts: in the morning, mostly distracted by discomfort, so indulged in some "TV" watching while Jeff worked; also poked around some blogs, which got me thinking about Celtic mythology and the role of the hero as an epitome of warriorhood versus a role model to follow; later in the day, thinking a lot about wedding themes and Pagan aspects of ritual as I wrote the letter to our potential officiant; then also doing research into the meaning and symbolism of the woods and stones used in my engagement ring
Actions: woke up in some pain and was lazy for a good half of the day, finally feeling up to getting go by early afternoon (before that, spend time poking around on blogs); after lunch, tackling Wedding Wednesday, I printed out and took care of the caterer contract, and got that in the mail along with the few remaining Save the Date cards that I'd been unable to send out with the first round; then buckled down to writing a very lengthy email to our potential officiant, asking for details about fees to do our wedding and also talking about some of our ideas for different themes and actions we'd like to incorporate; also sent an email to the one florist we're looking at who uses a lot of local, sustainably-grown flowers for their arrangements; after dinner, spent a few more hours typing up an incredibly long (and probably overly sentimental) post about my awesome engagement ring
Connections: a pretty focused and productive day, despite the late start; feeling good about what I accomplished, but ready for a rest and a return to more mundane work tomorrow; very glad Jeff and I put our foot down about watching too much Buffy in the evenings, as it was eating up way too much time and filling us with hyper energy right before bed (it's a great show, yes, but too much of a good thing, as they say)
Daily Tarot Card: The Knight of Cups is the romantic and idealist on a quest for his dreams. His pure spirit shines with both innocence and energy, animating and churning his emotions as he pursues his desires, following the lead of his heart and imagination. As a suit connected with intuition and the unconscious, the Knight of this card seeks the mysteries of love and connection, shining with golden light and promising the fulfillment of union. However, because the knight can also be brash and over-eager, there is a certain amount of tension in this card as well, a warning of over-romanticism that stems from an irrational or unrealistic engagement with life, a carelessness about the results of our quest for our ideals and dreams. Still, his steed arises from the depths of the ocean, a unicorn born of sea foam, and he rides with ease towards that which he pursues. Over all, this card is encouraging, revealing the possibility for not only tension, but also balance between the "masculine" energies of activity and initiative and the "feminine" energies of emotion and dream.
Sun: capricorn (earth/cardinal), on the cusp of aquarius (air/fixed); 7:39am - 5:22pm
Moon: **full moon, leo (fire/fixed)
Earth: slightly colder than yesterday, gray and rainy all day with snow-mix for a little while in the afternoon
Thoughts: in the morning, mostly distracted by discomfort, so indulged in some "TV" watching while Jeff worked; also poked around some blogs, which got me thinking about Celtic mythology and the role of the hero as an epitome of warriorhood versus a role model to follow; later in the day, thinking a lot about wedding themes and Pagan aspects of ritual as I wrote the letter to our potential officiant; then also doing research into the meaning and symbolism of the woods and stones used in my engagement ring
Actions: woke up in some pain and was lazy for a good half of the day, finally feeling up to getting go by early afternoon (before that, spend time poking around on blogs); after lunch, tackling Wedding Wednesday, I printed out and took care of the caterer contract, and got that in the mail along with the few remaining Save the Date cards that I'd been unable to send out with the first round; then buckled down to writing a very lengthy email to our potential officiant, asking for details about fees to do our wedding and also talking about some of our ideas for different themes and actions we'd like to incorporate; also sent an email to the one florist we're looking at who uses a lot of local, sustainably-grown flowers for their arrangements; after dinner, spent a few more hours typing up an incredibly long (and probably overly sentimental) post about my awesome engagement ring
Connections: a pretty focused and productive day, despite the late start; feeling good about what I accomplished, but ready for a rest and a return to more mundane work tomorrow; very glad Jeff and I put our foot down about watching too much Buffy in the evenings, as it was eating up way too much time and filling us with hyper energy right before bed (it's a great show, yes, but too much of a good thing, as they say)
Daily Tarot Card: The Knight of Cups is the romantic and idealist on a quest for his dreams. His pure spirit shines with both innocence and energy, animating and churning his emotions as he pursues his desires, following the lead of his heart and imagination. As a suit connected with intuition and the unconscious, the Knight of this card seeks the mysteries of love and connection, shining with golden light and promising the fulfillment of union. However, because the knight can also be brash and over-eager, there is a certain amount of tension in this card as well, a warning of over-romanticism that stems from an irrational or unrealistic engagement with life, a carelessness about the results of our quest for our ideals and dreams. Still, his steed arises from the depths of the ocean, a unicorn born of sea foam, and he rides with ease towards that which he pursues. Over all, this card is encouraging, revealing the possibility for not only tension, but also balance between the "masculine" energies of activity and initiative and the "feminine" energies of emotion and dream.
Labels:
*,
capricorn,
diary,
full moon,
tarot - cups,
tarot - cups knight,
winter
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Daily Diary
Sun: capricorn (earth/cardinal), 7:40am - 5:21pm
Moon: *full moon, cancer (water/cardinal)
Earth: slightly warmer today, in the low 40s, beginning sunny and leading into drizzle of rain this afternoon and evening
Thoughts: worn out this morning from a restless night (and Jeff snoring a bit); thoughts mostly on things to get done around the house and in general enjoying the freedom and not worrying too much about deadlines or pressure, especially when it comes to my writing
Actions: sluggish morning, after getting the contract for the wedding photographer in the mail, and spent a bit of time on the phone with my dad in the morning; spent much of the day on contractor work (which went well - some days it's easy to spend hours and hours on that work, whereas other days it just seems to drag painfully); went through Facebook and deleted a bunch of I-don't-actually-know-these-people "friends" to slim down the FB burden (already thankful for that decision); this evening, ran out to Lowes to finally get the filter for the heater in the basement and some window cling-film to help insulate the windows, hopefully; now relaxing, taking it easy
Connections: thoughts mostly on work related stuff and otherwise feeling very tired and drained (but in a happy-fuzzy fatigued way, which is nice for a change); recap from the past two days: Sunday was rough, very tired and a bit achey, did Savanah's lesson (write up on its way) and got some consultant work in, as well as extensive conversations on the phone with both Mom and Dad about wedding stuff and catching up on life; yesterday, Jeff and I took the "day off" to do cleaning and housework, made a trip out to IKEA to get those bookshelves that were a Christmas present from my parents, plus a corner shelf for the bedroom made possible by Dan's Christmas cash gift; so now yesterday and today, despite feeling very tired, also feeling very pleased with how the bedroom is looking and finally being able to set out some of my altar items and other décor pieces; last night, did a house-cleansing spell with Jeff that went simply and beautifully (using spring water, salt and rosemary, along with a "housewarming" candle we've had for more than a year, tucked away, that we got way back at Journeys); so definitely feeling the good, happy vibes there; now just hoping the filter for the heater can fix this weird smell we've been experiencing lately....
Daily Tarot Card: The Seven of Wands is a card of paradox and can be difficult to interpret. For the most part, this card symbolizes both the good and the bad that results from our actions: there is the thrill of challenge and the courage and strength to rise to those challenges and meet them with success, while at the same time, an acknowledgement that much of the strife and struggle we are encountering may have been stirred up by our own actions, choices and initiatives. This card depicts and mother fox defending her kits from an intruder: a noble and worthy cause that calls for the courage and strength to stand her ground for her beliefs and her love, yet were it not for these kits, offspring of her own (pro)creative drives and previous actions, she might have been able to avoid this confrontation altogether. A card that signifies the relationship between our actions and their effects on us: we may discover, as a result of our choices, that challenges await us and we must be on our guard and prepared for them - yet, these very challenges may help us develop our strengths and discover our courage, to build our character in response to adversity.
Moon: *full moon, cancer (water/cardinal)
Earth: slightly warmer today, in the low 40s, beginning sunny and leading into drizzle of rain this afternoon and evening
Thoughts: worn out this morning from a restless night (and Jeff snoring a bit); thoughts mostly on things to get done around the house and in general enjoying the freedom and not worrying too much about deadlines or pressure, especially when it comes to my writing
Actions: sluggish morning, after getting the contract for the wedding photographer in the mail, and spent a bit of time on the phone with my dad in the morning; spent much of the day on contractor work (which went well - some days it's easy to spend hours and hours on that work, whereas other days it just seems to drag painfully); went through Facebook and deleted a bunch of I-don't-actually-know-these-people "friends" to slim down the FB burden (already thankful for that decision); this evening, ran out to Lowes to finally get the filter for the heater in the basement and some window cling-film to help insulate the windows, hopefully; now relaxing, taking it easy
Connections: thoughts mostly on work related stuff and otherwise feeling very tired and drained (but in a happy-fuzzy fatigued way, which is nice for a change); recap from the past two days: Sunday was rough, very tired and a bit achey, did Savanah's lesson (write up on its way) and got some consultant work in, as well as extensive conversations on the phone with both Mom and Dad about wedding stuff and catching up on life; yesterday, Jeff and I took the "day off" to do cleaning and housework, made a trip out to IKEA to get those bookshelves that were a Christmas present from my parents, plus a corner shelf for the bedroom made possible by Dan's Christmas cash gift; so now yesterday and today, despite feeling very tired, also feeling very pleased with how the bedroom is looking and finally being able to set out some of my altar items and other décor pieces; last night, did a house-cleansing spell with Jeff that went simply and beautifully (using spring water, salt and rosemary, along with a "housewarming" candle we've had for more than a year, tucked away, that we got way back at Journeys); so definitely feeling the good, happy vibes there; now just hoping the filter for the heater can fix this weird smell we've been experiencing lately....
Daily Tarot Card: The Seven of Wands is a card of paradox and can be difficult to interpret. For the most part, this card symbolizes both the good and the bad that results from our actions: there is the thrill of challenge and the courage and strength to rise to those challenges and meet them with success, while at the same time, an acknowledgement that much of the strife and struggle we are encountering may have been stirred up by our own actions, choices and initiatives. This card depicts and mother fox defending her kits from an intruder: a noble and worthy cause that calls for the courage and strength to stand her ground for her beliefs and her love, yet were it not for these kits, offspring of her own (pro)creative drives and previous actions, she might have been able to avoid this confrontation altogether. A card that signifies the relationship between our actions and their effects on us: we may discover, as a result of our choices, that challenges await us and we must be on our guard and prepared for them - yet, these very challenges may help us develop our strengths and discover our courage, to build our character in response to adversity.
Labels:
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capricorn,
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full moon,
tarot - 7 wands,
tarot - wands,
winter
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Daily Diary
Sun: capricorn (earth/cardinal), 7:40am - 4:57pm
Moon: *full moon, cancer (water/cardinal)
Earth: cold, blustery, snow flurries
Thoughts: discussing issues of romanticizing poverty and mental illness in fantasy/sci-fi fiction and getting into some thoughts on writing good fiction; otherwise, mostly focused on work and trying to get everything done
Actions: work several hours in the morning and afternoon; just before and after lunch, helping the kids finish their craft project ornaments; after Jeff dropped the kids off, spending time cleaning, doing laundry, getting the house ready and packing our bags to be ready to leave
Connections: mostly my focus has been on simply getting things done and plugging away at particular tasks, or when I'm not doing that, trying to plan the best, most efficient way to accomplish everything; I worry sometimes that my brain will go soft if I don't have the time to do some deep analytical thinking in the midst of all of this....
(Note: This post was backdated.)
Moon: *full moon, cancer (water/cardinal)
Earth: cold, blustery, snow flurries
Thoughts: discussing issues of romanticizing poverty and mental illness in fantasy/sci-fi fiction and getting into some thoughts on writing good fiction; otherwise, mostly focused on work and trying to get everything done
Actions: work several hours in the morning and afternoon; just before and after lunch, helping the kids finish their craft project ornaments; after Jeff dropped the kids off, spending time cleaning, doing laundry, getting the house ready and packing our bags to be ready to leave
Connections: mostly my focus has been on simply getting things done and plugging away at particular tasks, or when I'm not doing that, trying to plan the best, most efficient way to accomplish everything; I worry sometimes that my brain will go soft if I don't have the time to do some deep analytical thinking in the midst of all of this....
(Note: This post was backdated.)
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Daily Diary
Days of Note: Full Moon, Full Lunar Eclipse, Winter Solstice, Alban Arthuan
Sun: cusp of capricorn (earth/cardinal), 7:40am - 4:57pm, solstice, longest night
Moon: *full moon, cancer (water/cardinal), full lunar eclipse (early this morning)
Earth: cloudy this morning clearing to sunny and just below freezing
Thoughts: mostly thinking about how the kids were enjoying their solstice and what was next on the agenda; some thoughts on money, since we flubbed a bit on who was paying for what and so had to swing by the bank at one point, but feeling overall quite confident about the situation
Actions: alarm went off a 2am so that Jeff could check and see if we'd be able to see the lunar eclipse through the cloud cover, but unfortunately it was too cloudy to see anything, so we went back to bed and let the kids sleep through the night; woke the kids up around 7am to get dressed and ready to trek to the park to greet the rising sun, brought along our bird seed "ornaments" and garlands of popcorn, and hung them from the trees at the top of the hill while singing songs to the new sun; returned home to open presents - all of which were a big hit, but especially (Grandma) Lannie's big stuffed bears for everyone; after presents, we swung by the bank real quick for cash, then headed to Pamela's for a Solstice Brunch, which everyone thoroughly enjoyed; after that, we headed out to B&N for the kids to use their gift cards, along with the gift cards from Lannie last year that had been lost and then recovered, so the kids ended up being able to get tons of books and crafts that they picked out; we spent the rest of the afternoon reading and/or doing the crafts and games they'd got, or playing with their bears, or sketching with their new colored pencils and sketch pad (meanwhile, after a short nap with Jeff, I helped the kids do the next step in their ornament craft projects so they'll be ready tomorrow); early evening, we ordered pizza for a special Solstice Pizza Party (and made Josh's frozen pizza sans corn), then everyone changed into pajamas and we had our nightly reading of Lord of the Rings before finally going to bed
Connections: I'm exhausted, but I'm very glad the kids had such an excellent holiday; I really feel as though these past few days with the kids have given us a chance to "bond" (as corny as that sounds) and get to know each other better; I know we've had them for weeks at a time in the past, but often during those weeks I've had to work, whereas now I can work from home and squeeze in a few hours here and there, while still spending time with the kids during big chunks of the day (tomorrow will be a lots-of-work day for me, though, so I can get in some hours this week while still being able to take Christmas off with the family); I took lots of pictures, so eventually they'll make their way onto here
Daily Tarot Card: The Devil (XV) is a card of temptation and addiction, the pursuit of pleasures at the expense of others and the ensnarement of willing souls in the bondage of materialism and overindulgence. Yet at the same time, the instinct to self-presevation and self-protection that can lead us mistakenly into greed and defensiveness can at other times be an appropriate and necessary response that will help us survive during difficult times when otherwise our sense of self might be threatened or overwhelmed by external forces. The figure in the card hunches over and huddles cold and alone, harassed by the dancing devil above - yet the key to freedom is within reach.
(My note: I was ensure what this card had to do with anything, so I drew a clarification card, especially since I've skipped my daily tarot two nights in a row.)
The Five of Pentacles is a card of disconnection and difficulty, in some ways indicating a spiritual or possibly material poverty, and a insufficient attention to the signs and messages of both one's physical body and one's inner world of soul and heart. Indications of hope and help may go unheeded or unappreciated, though they exist all around. As in the card of The Devil, the figure in the Five of Cups sits hunched over and huddled into herself, willfully blind to the opportunities and beauties all around. Yet there is always a chance for renewal and reconnection, especially if we are willing to let go of unhealthy or unhelpful patterns, re-center ourselves and turn our attention and attending once again to the integrity of the inner and outer worlds.
(My note: I am not sure what these cards may indicate, except perhaps that I really pushed myself to the point of exhaustion today and set aside concerns of mental and physical health - like eating well - for the sake of "enjoying the holiday with the kids." I may have to meditate more on what these cards indicate, or discuss them with Jeff. Or perhaps just seek some rest and relaxation over the next few days and remember to turn my attention again to my goddess and my spiritual work.)
Sun: cusp of capricorn (earth/cardinal), 7:40am - 4:57pm, solstice, longest night
Moon: *full moon, cancer (water/cardinal), full lunar eclipse (early this morning)
Earth: cloudy this morning clearing to sunny and just below freezing
Thoughts: mostly thinking about how the kids were enjoying their solstice and what was next on the agenda; some thoughts on money, since we flubbed a bit on who was paying for what and so had to swing by the bank at one point, but feeling overall quite confident about the situation
Actions: alarm went off a 2am so that Jeff could check and see if we'd be able to see the lunar eclipse through the cloud cover, but unfortunately it was too cloudy to see anything, so we went back to bed and let the kids sleep through the night; woke the kids up around 7am to get dressed and ready to trek to the park to greet the rising sun, brought along our bird seed "ornaments" and garlands of popcorn, and hung them from the trees at the top of the hill while singing songs to the new sun; returned home to open presents - all of which were a big hit, but especially (Grandma) Lannie's big stuffed bears for everyone; after presents, we swung by the bank real quick for cash, then headed to Pamela's for a Solstice Brunch, which everyone thoroughly enjoyed; after that, we headed out to B&N for the kids to use their gift cards, along with the gift cards from Lannie last year that had been lost and then recovered, so the kids ended up being able to get tons of books and crafts that they picked out; we spent the rest of the afternoon reading and/or doing the crafts and games they'd got, or playing with their bears, or sketching with their new colored pencils and sketch pad (meanwhile, after a short nap with Jeff, I helped the kids do the next step in their ornament craft projects so they'll be ready tomorrow); early evening, we ordered pizza for a special Solstice Pizza Party (and made Josh's frozen pizza sans corn), then everyone changed into pajamas and we had our nightly reading of Lord of the Rings before finally going to bed
Connections: I'm exhausted, but I'm very glad the kids had such an excellent holiday; I really feel as though these past few days with the kids have given us a chance to "bond" (as corny as that sounds) and get to know each other better; I know we've had them for weeks at a time in the past, but often during those weeks I've had to work, whereas now I can work from home and squeeze in a few hours here and there, while still spending time with the kids during big chunks of the day (tomorrow will be a lots-of-work day for me, though, so I can get in some hours this week while still being able to take Christmas off with the family); I took lots of pictures, so eventually they'll make their way onto here
Daily Tarot Card: The Devil (XV) is a card of temptation and addiction, the pursuit of pleasures at the expense of others and the ensnarement of willing souls in the bondage of materialism and overindulgence. Yet at the same time, the instinct to self-presevation and self-protection that can lead us mistakenly into greed and defensiveness can at other times be an appropriate and necessary response that will help us survive during difficult times when otherwise our sense of self might be threatened or overwhelmed by external forces. The figure in the card hunches over and huddles cold and alone, harassed by the dancing devil above - yet the key to freedom is within reach.
(My note: I was ensure what this card had to do with anything, so I drew a clarification card, especially since I've skipped my daily tarot two nights in a row.)
The Five of Pentacles is a card of disconnection and difficulty, in some ways indicating a spiritual or possibly material poverty, and a insufficient attention to the signs and messages of both one's physical body and one's inner world of soul and heart. Indications of hope and help may go unheeded or unappreciated, though they exist all around. As in the card of The Devil, the figure in the Five of Cups sits hunched over and huddled into herself, willfully blind to the opportunities and beauties all around. Yet there is always a chance for renewal and reconnection, especially if we are willing to let go of unhealthy or unhelpful patterns, re-center ourselves and turn our attention and attending once again to the integrity of the inner and outer worlds.
(My note: I am not sure what these cards may indicate, except perhaps that I really pushed myself to the point of exhaustion today and set aside concerns of mental and physical health - like eating well - for the sake of "enjoying the holiday with the kids." I may have to meditate more on what these cards indicate, or discuss them with Jeff. Or perhaps just seek some rest and relaxation over the next few days and remember to turn my attention again to my goddess and my spiritual work.)
Labels:
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winter
Monday, December 20, 2010
Daily Diary
Days of Note: Solstice Eve Day
Sun: sagittarius (fire/mutable), 7:39am - 4:56pm
Moon: **full moon, gemini (air/mutable)
Earth: cloudy all day with snow flurries, very cold
Thoughts: this morning, spent some time discussing with Jeff about whether or not to confront Emily, but came to no real conclusions about what the right thing to do is; mostly thinking about Solstice and our schedule with the kids and how to keep everything on track and running smoothly; finally getting into some "yuletide spirit"
Actions: breakfast with the kids, followed by a few hours of contractor work (while Jeff made popcorn and helped the kids with popcorn and cranberry garlands and birdseed ornaments for our greeting of the new born solstice sun at dawn tomorrow); lunch, followed by me taking some time to write up Savanah's Druidry lesson for the week and gather some supplies (this week we talked about altars, so Jeff and I had a "show and tell" time); then Savanah's lesson; I squeezed in a bit more contractor work while Jeff made an early dinner, then we all we out to Phipps to see the greenhouse at night with all the light displays; when we got home, we did a Winter Solstice meditation with the kids by candlelight, then sent the kids to bed; after they were asleep, finished wrapping presents and putting on tags and bows, then dragged up the boxes of Christmas decorations and set up everything in the dining room as a surprise for the kids in the morning (since we hadn't put up any decorations before that, because of the cat and a lack of time), but we draped garlands around the windows and put a garland and a fancy tree skirt around the miniature rosemary "tree" in the center of the table, surrounded by presents (Lannie's presents we set up sitting in each of the kids' respective seats at the table so they look like weird bodies in colored body bags who've all reanimated and decided to play poker - it looks so marvelously bizarre and creepy! pictures, of course, to follow); now, Jeff made us mint tea to have with some holiday cookies, since now we're the grown ups who get to have Santa's cookies! o, also, I forgot - received and opened a holiday card from my parents, as well as a gift from a reader who is a craftsman on Etsy, a beautiful leather-bound journal with acorn charm that she made herself and almost brought me to tears of gratitude that a reader could be so kind - I will definitely be sending her a thank you note (and pictures to follow, plus a thank you going up on Meadowsweet)
Connections: mostly looking forward to Solstice and the lunar eclipse tonight (tomorrow morning, technically) and trying to enjoy the day despite being quite busy; it was nice being able to take a few hours to get some work done and feeling productive even with having the kids this week; I think Jeff really enjoyed making the bird seed ornaments with them, and came up with some very creative solutions since our attempts last year were less than stellar; so all in all, I'm feeling calm and integrated and finally able to relax enough to enjoy the coming holidays
No daily tarot card tonight.
Sun: sagittarius (fire/mutable), 7:39am - 4:56pm
Moon: **full moon, gemini (air/mutable)
Earth: cloudy all day with snow flurries, very cold
Thoughts: this morning, spent some time discussing with Jeff about whether or not to confront Emily, but came to no real conclusions about what the right thing to do is; mostly thinking about Solstice and our schedule with the kids and how to keep everything on track and running smoothly; finally getting into some "yuletide spirit"
Actions: breakfast with the kids, followed by a few hours of contractor work (while Jeff made popcorn and helped the kids with popcorn and cranberry garlands and birdseed ornaments for our greeting of the new born solstice sun at dawn tomorrow); lunch, followed by me taking some time to write up Savanah's Druidry lesson for the week and gather some supplies (this week we talked about altars, so Jeff and I had a "show and tell" time); then Savanah's lesson; I squeezed in a bit more contractor work while Jeff made an early dinner, then we all we out to Phipps to see the greenhouse at night with all the light displays; when we got home, we did a Winter Solstice meditation with the kids by candlelight, then sent the kids to bed; after they were asleep, finished wrapping presents and putting on tags and bows, then dragged up the boxes of Christmas decorations and set up everything in the dining room as a surprise for the kids in the morning (since we hadn't put up any decorations before that, because of the cat and a lack of time), but we draped garlands around the windows and put a garland and a fancy tree skirt around the miniature rosemary "tree" in the center of the table, surrounded by presents (Lannie's presents we set up sitting in each of the kids' respective seats at the table so they look like weird bodies in colored body bags who've all reanimated and decided to play poker - it looks so marvelously bizarre and creepy! pictures, of course, to follow); now, Jeff made us mint tea to have with some holiday cookies, since now we're the grown ups who get to have Santa's cookies! o, also, I forgot - received and opened a holiday card from my parents, as well as a gift from a reader who is a craftsman on Etsy, a beautiful leather-bound journal with acorn charm that she made herself and almost brought me to tears of gratitude that a reader could be so kind - I will definitely be sending her a thank you note (and pictures to follow, plus a thank you going up on Meadowsweet)
Connections: mostly looking forward to Solstice and the lunar eclipse tonight (tomorrow morning, technically) and trying to enjoy the day despite being quite busy; it was nice being able to take a few hours to get some work done and feeling productive even with having the kids this week; I think Jeff really enjoyed making the bird seed ornaments with them, and came up with some very creative solutions since our attempts last year were less than stellar; so all in all, I'm feeling calm and integrated and finally able to relax enough to enjoy the coming holidays
No daily tarot card tonight.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Daily Diary
Sun: sagittarius (fire/mutable), 7:14am - 4:58pm
Moon: waning gibbous, just after full, gemini (air/mutable)
Earth: almost unseasonably warm, up near 70, though somewhat blustery at times
Thoughts: thinking about last night's ritual, wondering about some of its more confusing aspects, wondering what kind of effect it might have (or not); brief period of time on Facebook got me riled up again over the TSA "enhanced pat downs," apparently now TSA security officers are being harassed at the workplace by angry and belligerent passengers; surprise, surprise, when you encourage people to be angry and afraid, they'll act out in hostile ways towards the people they perceive as most directly to blame (even if those people are just "messengers")
Actions: check Lady of the Stars forum to read through other people's responses this morning; clean and rearrange things to make it easier to move furniture in/out; tried to get some work done, but the server is having problems (on their end, not mine) so my connection was too slow to get much useful stuff done, got a few hours in after lunch before the server slowed down again; had a nice visit with my dad and my brother, went out to lunch with them and Jeff after helping them move new(ish) furniture in; had a moment of panic about the missing cat, but turns out he was hiding behind one of the curtains in the dining room and fell asleep there; now waiting for Jeff to finish up work, then want to spend some time uploading photos of last night's altar and checking back with the forum
Connections: other than the brief distraction of Facebook stupidity, today was a very productive day with lots of interest and work done, despite a slow server connection; I'm still feeling incredibly thankful for a job that challenges my efficiency and accuracy and gives me tasks to do that I can feel as though I've accomplished and completed at the end of my work day; also, the money is nice; really looking forward to hearing from others about their ritual experiences with Brigid of the Forge Fire, comparing notes, etc.
Daily Tarot Card: Death comes as a moment of transformation and liberation, though it may be a moment full of pain, difficulty and sorrow as so many endings are. This card indicates a moment of change, the end of an old and outdated way of life, perhaps one not fulfilling or too bogged down by external forms, and the joyous possibility of a new life beckoning. The way is not necessarily clear, but requires a plunge into the dark, perseverance and hope as lights to guide you along the way. Something new will be born from the old, if you have the courage to let go and remain open. This is the way of all life in the world, the cycles of life, death and rebirth ever turning under the stars.
Moon: waning gibbous, just after full, gemini (air/mutable)
Earth: almost unseasonably warm, up near 70, though somewhat blustery at times
Thoughts: thinking about last night's ritual, wondering about some of its more confusing aspects, wondering what kind of effect it might have (or not); brief period of time on Facebook got me riled up again over the TSA "enhanced pat downs," apparently now TSA security officers are being harassed at the workplace by angry and belligerent passengers; surprise, surprise, when you encourage people to be angry and afraid, they'll act out in hostile ways towards the people they perceive as most directly to blame (even if those people are just "messengers")
Actions: check Lady of the Stars forum to read through other people's responses this morning; clean and rearrange things to make it easier to move furniture in/out; tried to get some work done, but the server is having problems (on their end, not mine) so my connection was too slow to get much useful stuff done, got a few hours in after lunch before the server slowed down again; had a nice visit with my dad and my brother, went out to lunch with them and Jeff after helping them move new(ish) furniture in; had a moment of panic about the missing cat, but turns out he was hiding behind one of the curtains in the dining room and fell asleep there; now waiting for Jeff to finish up work, then want to spend some time uploading photos of last night's altar and checking back with the forum
Connections: other than the brief distraction of Facebook stupidity, today was a very productive day with lots of interest and work done, despite a slow server connection; I'm still feeling incredibly thankful for a job that challenges my efficiency and accuracy and gives me tasks to do that I can feel as though I've accomplished and completed at the end of my work day; also, the money is nice; really looking forward to hearing from others about their ritual experiences with Brigid of the Forge Fire, comparing notes, etc.
Daily Tarot Card: Death comes as a moment of transformation and liberation, though it may be a moment full of pain, difficulty and sorrow as so many endings are. This card indicates a moment of change, the end of an old and outdated way of life, perhaps one not fulfilling or too bogged down by external forms, and the joyous possibility of a new life beckoning. The way is not necessarily clear, but requires a plunge into the dark, perseverance and hope as lights to guide you along the way. Something new will be born from the old, if you have the courage to let go and remain open. This is the way of all life in the world, the cycles of life, death and rebirth ever turning under the stars.
Labels:
autumn,
diary,
full moon,
major arcana,
sagittarius,
tarot - death
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Lady of the Stars: A Full Moon Ritual of Invocation and Exploration
Preparation:
As I set up the altar area, my excitement mounted, to the point where I felt almost like a kid again getting ready for bed on Christmas Eve night and wanting desperately to fall asleep quickly so that morning would come sooner. I set up the altar, took some initial photographs and then lit some incense to burn while I did my cleansing and preparatory meditation in another room. I changed into the simple blue dress that I often wear for ritual, replaced my mundane jewelry with the pieces I reserve for ritual and other special occasions; I washed my face and hands with cold water, helping to cool my skin which by that point was warm and flushed with excitement and energy. Then I spent about twenty minutes in meditation, first rehearsing the steps of the ritual in my mind, and then sitting quietly and focusing on my breath, chanting my awen while I centered and grounded, attempting to circulate and integrate the excited energy I was feeling. Eventually, I felt ready to begin the ritual. (By this time, it was about 9 PM.)
Altar and Ritual Area:
I used a small room in our apartment (that we call "the study"), spreading a deep blue blanket out on the floor and using a low, long coffee table draped in a gorgeous blue scarf as an altar. In the center of the altar I placed a small blue bowl sparkling with a layer of gold glitter (which, in retrospect, I probably used far too liberally). To the immediate right of the bowl was the small, gold floating candle I would place in the bowl and light; to the immediate left was the circular blue goldstone pendant I would be consecrating. Behind the bowl I placed the green-and-purple fluorite sphere in its stand, along with the pieces of tumbled goldstone and blue goldstone, and around these the strand of prayer beads I'd recently created to use during my flamekeeping shifts, with the amber-centered sun as its main charm. To the right side of the altar burned a small red candle in a gold-flecked candle holder, in front of which I laid my old athame. To the left side of the altar I placed my small blue pitcher of water, and in front of this my tarot deck in its blue bag. Scattered all over the altar were silver and opalescent flat-sided marbles that, against the blue of the scarf, looked like distant stars glimmering in the flickering candle light.
On the lower shelf beneath the altar, I kept the matches, the ritual bell, the candle snuffer and my iPod hooked up to two small external speakers for easy use during the ritual. I also had my tarot books and a copy of the ritual script in case I needed it. I left the incense burning up on top of the cabinet so that the incense smoke drifted down around me as I sat on the floor in front of the altar.
The Ritual:
The ritual itself went very well. I had no trouble with the memorization and hardly even stumbled, though once or twice I had to pause or speak slowly rather than rush ahead - but that was fine. I had a little trouble at the beginning settling down and working with my energy level; I found myself almost distracted by my anticipation so that it was hard to just sit and do the work of the ritual itself.
During the Statement of Intent, I played Iona's song, "A Million Stars," to help me anchor more firmly in the "mood" as I charged and lit the candle and poured the water in to the bowl. The effect was dazzling, to see the candle light flickering off of all the gold glitter covering the bottom of the bowl, and then slowly lifting and rising as the water swirled - some of the glitter remaining on the bottom, while some floated on the surface, causing this wonderful effect of depth reflecting back the candle light. What I didn't anticipate was the candle drifting towards the place where I poured the water from the pitcher into the bowl, so that once or twice I had to gently bump it with my finger in the opposite direction so that I wouldn't accidentally douse it. The result was getting my fingers covered in glitter, which ended up mostly on my hands and in the lap of my blue dress - not a bad effect. Creating and opening the center way went very well, and after some deep breaths, I moved on to the invocation of the Lady of the Stars and transitioned fairly quickly, after the chant, into meditation.
Once in my meditative trance, however, I had a hard time getting situated - I found myself kind of wandering my inner landscape, beginning first on the shore of the pebbly beach where my last meditation left off. But soon growing restless and unable to focus well, I sought out the forest grove up above far back in the woods away from the cliff that looked out over the ocean. On my way there, I noticed that my body was nude and covered with the glistening bits of gold glitter, not only on my hands but all up and down my limbs, and they shone and sparkled against my pale skin as I walked through the dark woods towards my inner grove. Upon reaching my inner grove, I found a fire already lit at the altar, a fire that resembled the dark amber fiery clouds of [a new star being born]. Above, through the clearing in the trees, I could just glimpse a deep night sky full of stars. At first, I spent some time dancing and turning around the space, rejoicing in how my glitter-studded skin reflected and glimmered in the starlight and firelight... Then, slowly, I noticed that a figure was over by the fire, dark and slightly hunched, attending to the flames. When I drew closer, the figure turned towards me - and showed a frightening clown-mask of white skin with bright red thick-lipped make-up and bared teeth flashing in the firelight, eyes looking slightly maniacal.
I was completely not expecting this, and began to get a little panicked, since I have never encountered such a terrifying figure within my meditation before and it seemed deeply wrong and foreboding to encounter one now, during such an important ritual. Yet every time I tried to come closer to the figure, that was the face that glanced at me over its hunched shoulder. Finally, I declared loudly, "I am not afraid of you!" At which point, the fire on the altar seemed to pulse, sending out a ripple of energy that disintegrated the terrifying clown figure. I was alone in the grove for a little while, until it seemed to me that a figure was descending from the sky - a woman figure, whose hair rippled upward in dark auburn-amber waves like a flame. She was robed in deep blue, so deep it was almost the same color as the night sky itself, and when I could get a glimpse of her face (which for some reason felt difficult to look in to), it seemed pale and utterly peaceful, even as though her eyes were closed. I felt sure that this was the same figure who had appeared to me in my meditation a few days earlier.
The conversation we had was somewhat jumbled and difficult to discern at times. The gist of it, however, was a reminder that fear, too, is sacred and is in many ways very similar to love, an expression of love itself. If we do not love, then we cannot be afraid, and so it is important to listen to our fears as a sign pointing the way to our love. She reminded me of what has always been the guiding inspiration for my poetry (which I have set aside for a long time) - that is, I have always written poetry as a way of facing my fears, hunting my fears through the darkness and seeking them out, trying to render them beautiful. She reminded me that this is what I need to keep doing in my own life. When I objected that surely I must have some better gift to give to the world than to be - as she called it, referring to a name some Native American Indian tribes give to the rabbit - the "fear-caller," she chided me, saying that the world is so utterly full of fear these days, there could be no more sacred a gift than to help transform this fear into something holy and meaningful, to render it beautiful and remind people that fear is an aspect of love.
After a time, our conversation seemed to wander and lose its thread, and I thanked her for her guidance and her advice, though I wasn't sure how to interpret it or act upon it. I asked her what advice or wisdom she had concerning this group, and her response was, "Do not worry so much about it for now. Just follow the leadings you sense, listen to the callings as they come, and don't worry too much about trying to pin things down or define things or control things. Let things happen as they will." Then, as she seemed to fade away and leave me alone in the grove again, the sky above me seemed to clear of some until-then-imperceptible mist or cloud cover, and reveal a sky that seemed so infinite and deep with stars that the stars themselves felt as though they were millions and millions of miles away. The distance felt so overwhelming, and the space between those points of brilliance so vast, that I felt giddy and fearful with a sudden sense of vertigo, as though I might lose my grip on the earth and go drifting off into space. And then I remembered again how fear could be an aspect or sign of love, and thought how close fear was to awe, and awe to love and gratitude, and how this sense of vastness and overwhelming majesty was, too, something that could inspire fear in us.
After the meditation, I took a little bit of time to re-center and then moved on to divination. Below I wrote out the cards I drew, and my interpretations of their meaning...
Finally, I finished the ritual by consecrating the amulet of blue goldstone to this work, blessing it thrice with water from the bowl and then passing it thrice through the flame of the central candle. Afterwards, I spent some time again re-centering, and then conclude the ritual with the final blessing and the unweaving of sacred space.
My feet had fallen asleep, so it took while to stand up after that! I took a few more pictures of the altar with the candles lit, once I had officially ended the ritual.
Divination Results (Tarot Reading):
"Who are you?"
Eight of Pentacles - I am the weaver of webs upon which the dew collects like stars, shining in intimate constellations, fire within water. I am the tension of duality - light and dark, fire and water, being and becoming - tripled in power, the eight spokes of the turning wheel, the four directions echoing above and below. I am the creatrix and the creative force, the worker and the work, the inspiration and spark of transformation that gives rise to new forms and seeks expression through new skills. I am the energy and effort of the creative process; I am the worker enthralled with her craft, seeking ever-new paths to manifestation in the world of physical forms. It is a delicate dance I weave through the world, and each star shivers as fragile and shining as a drop of dew suspended in the darkness and emptiness of space.
"Why have you brought this group together?"
Eight of Cups - To dive deep into the realms of intuition, emotion and mystery, following the glimmer of inspiration that leads to new realms, new insights, new depths of understanding. The old patterns of emotion and relationship once carefully laid out and protected - it is time to abandon these for new adventure, the risk of the night and its darkness, the thrill of the unknown. A star shines in the depths of the sea, fire within water, beckoning as a guiding light, leading more deeply into soul.
"How can we best serve you as a group?"
Queen of Pentacles - Share the riches of your creative selves, cultivating a warm and supportive environment in which others can do the same. Seek relationships of harmony and humility with all the good things of the earth - be humble as humus, "from the earth," rooted in compassion and cheerfulness and the joy of the senses. Dare to be yourselves without harming others; draw strength from the oak, who is nourished both by deep roots anchored in the moist soil and by lofty branches striving towards the warmth and golden light of the sun. The pentacle is, itself, a star crafted of the stuff of the earth. Become craftsfolk of the pentacle, the earthly star, forging creative, compassionate relationships in the world around you.
"How can I best serve you within the group?"
The Sun (XIX) - Seek the joyful acceptance of the child playing in the morning sunlight as it warms the land. Unabashed and completely at ease with who you are, it becomes easier to share your gifts with the world, radiating energy and enthusiasm as naturally as the sun shines, giving warmth and light to others - yet, like the sun, also knowing when to retire to the shadows and allow others to shine. Clarity of vision and purpose, the energy of passion and the eager embrace of inspiration and enlightenment are your gifts to share with others in child-like innocence and wonder at the marvels of the world.
As I set up the altar area, my excitement mounted, to the point where I felt almost like a kid again getting ready for bed on Christmas Eve night and wanting desperately to fall asleep quickly so that morning would come sooner. I set up the altar, took some initial photographs and then lit some incense to burn while I did my cleansing and preparatory meditation in another room. I changed into the simple blue dress that I often wear for ritual, replaced my mundane jewelry with the pieces I reserve for ritual and other special occasions; I washed my face and hands with cold water, helping to cool my skin which by that point was warm and flushed with excitement and energy. Then I spent about twenty minutes in meditation, first rehearsing the steps of the ritual in my mind, and then sitting quietly and focusing on my breath, chanting my awen while I centered and grounded, attempting to circulate and integrate the excited energy I was feeling. Eventually, I felt ready to begin the ritual. (By this time, it was about 9 PM.)
Altar and Ritual Area:
I used a small room in our apartment (that we call "the study"), spreading a deep blue blanket out on the floor and using a low, long coffee table draped in a gorgeous blue scarf as an altar. In the center of the altar I placed a small blue bowl sparkling with a layer of gold glitter (which, in retrospect, I probably used far too liberally). To the immediate right of the bowl was the small, gold floating candle I would place in the bowl and light; to the immediate left was the circular blue goldstone pendant I would be consecrating. Behind the bowl I placed the green-and-purple fluorite sphere in its stand, along with the pieces of tumbled goldstone and blue goldstone, and around these the strand of prayer beads I'd recently created to use during my flamekeeping shifts, with the amber-centered sun as its main charm. To the right side of the altar burned a small red candle in a gold-flecked candle holder, in front of which I laid my old athame. To the left side of the altar I placed my small blue pitcher of water, and in front of this my tarot deck in its blue bag. Scattered all over the altar were silver and opalescent flat-sided marbles that, against the blue of the scarf, looked like distant stars glimmering in the flickering candle light.
On the lower shelf beneath the altar, I kept the matches, the ritual bell, the candle snuffer and my iPod hooked up to two small external speakers for easy use during the ritual. I also had my tarot books and a copy of the ritual script in case I needed it. I left the incense burning up on top of the cabinet so that the incense smoke drifted down around me as I sat on the floor in front of the altar.
The Ritual:
The ritual itself went very well. I had no trouble with the memorization and hardly even stumbled, though once or twice I had to pause or speak slowly rather than rush ahead - but that was fine. I had a little trouble at the beginning settling down and working with my energy level; I found myself almost distracted by my anticipation so that it was hard to just sit and do the work of the ritual itself.
During the Statement of Intent, I played Iona's song, "A Million Stars," to help me anchor more firmly in the "mood" as I charged and lit the candle and poured the water in to the bowl. The effect was dazzling, to see the candle light flickering off of all the gold glitter covering the bottom of the bowl, and then slowly lifting and rising as the water swirled - some of the glitter remaining on the bottom, while some floated on the surface, causing this wonderful effect of depth reflecting back the candle light. What I didn't anticipate was the candle drifting towards the place where I poured the water from the pitcher into the bowl, so that once or twice I had to gently bump it with my finger in the opposite direction so that I wouldn't accidentally douse it. The result was getting my fingers covered in glitter, which ended up mostly on my hands and in the lap of my blue dress - not a bad effect. Creating and opening the center way went very well, and after some deep breaths, I moved on to the invocation of the Lady of the Stars and transitioned fairly quickly, after the chant, into meditation.
Once in my meditative trance, however, I had a hard time getting situated - I found myself kind of wandering my inner landscape, beginning first on the shore of the pebbly beach where my last meditation left off. But soon growing restless and unable to focus well, I sought out the forest grove up above far back in the woods away from the cliff that looked out over the ocean. On my way there, I noticed that my body was nude and covered with the glistening bits of gold glitter, not only on my hands but all up and down my limbs, and they shone and sparkled against my pale skin as I walked through the dark woods towards my inner grove. Upon reaching my inner grove, I found a fire already lit at the altar, a fire that resembled the dark amber fiery clouds of [a new star being born]. Above, through the clearing in the trees, I could just glimpse a deep night sky full of stars. At first, I spent some time dancing and turning around the space, rejoicing in how my glitter-studded skin reflected and glimmered in the starlight and firelight... Then, slowly, I noticed that a figure was over by the fire, dark and slightly hunched, attending to the flames. When I drew closer, the figure turned towards me - and showed a frightening clown-mask of white skin with bright red thick-lipped make-up and bared teeth flashing in the firelight, eyes looking slightly maniacal.
I was completely not expecting this, and began to get a little panicked, since I have never encountered such a terrifying figure within my meditation before and it seemed deeply wrong and foreboding to encounter one now, during such an important ritual. Yet every time I tried to come closer to the figure, that was the face that glanced at me over its hunched shoulder. Finally, I declared loudly, "I am not afraid of you!" At which point, the fire on the altar seemed to pulse, sending out a ripple of energy that disintegrated the terrifying clown figure. I was alone in the grove for a little while, until it seemed to me that a figure was descending from the sky - a woman figure, whose hair rippled upward in dark auburn-amber waves like a flame. She was robed in deep blue, so deep it was almost the same color as the night sky itself, and when I could get a glimpse of her face (which for some reason felt difficult to look in to), it seemed pale and utterly peaceful, even as though her eyes were closed. I felt sure that this was the same figure who had appeared to me in my meditation a few days earlier.
The conversation we had was somewhat jumbled and difficult to discern at times. The gist of it, however, was a reminder that fear, too, is sacred and is in many ways very similar to love, an expression of love itself. If we do not love, then we cannot be afraid, and so it is important to listen to our fears as a sign pointing the way to our love. She reminded me of what has always been the guiding inspiration for my poetry (which I have set aside for a long time) - that is, I have always written poetry as a way of facing my fears, hunting my fears through the darkness and seeking them out, trying to render them beautiful. She reminded me that this is what I need to keep doing in my own life. When I objected that surely I must have some better gift to give to the world than to be - as she called it, referring to a name some Native American Indian tribes give to the rabbit - the "fear-caller," she chided me, saying that the world is so utterly full of fear these days, there could be no more sacred a gift than to help transform this fear into something holy and meaningful, to render it beautiful and remind people that fear is an aspect of love.
After a time, our conversation seemed to wander and lose its thread, and I thanked her for her guidance and her advice, though I wasn't sure how to interpret it or act upon it. I asked her what advice or wisdom she had concerning this group, and her response was, "Do not worry so much about it for now. Just follow the leadings you sense, listen to the callings as they come, and don't worry too much about trying to pin things down or define things or control things. Let things happen as they will." Then, as she seemed to fade away and leave me alone in the grove again, the sky above me seemed to clear of some until-then-imperceptible mist or cloud cover, and reveal a sky that seemed so infinite and deep with stars that the stars themselves felt as though they were millions and millions of miles away. The distance felt so overwhelming, and the space between those points of brilliance so vast, that I felt giddy and fearful with a sudden sense of vertigo, as though I might lose my grip on the earth and go drifting off into space. And then I remembered again how fear could be an aspect or sign of love, and thought how close fear was to awe, and awe to love and gratitude, and how this sense of vastness and overwhelming majesty was, too, something that could inspire fear in us.
After the meditation, I took a little bit of time to re-center and then moved on to divination. Below I wrote out the cards I drew, and my interpretations of their meaning...
Finally, I finished the ritual by consecrating the amulet of blue goldstone to this work, blessing it thrice with water from the bowl and then passing it thrice through the flame of the central candle. Afterwards, I spent some time again re-centering, and then conclude the ritual with the final blessing and the unweaving of sacred space.
My feet had fallen asleep, so it took while to stand up after that! I took a few more pictures of the altar with the candles lit, once I had officially ended the ritual.
Divination Results (Tarot Reading):
"Who are you?"
Eight of Pentacles - I am the weaver of webs upon which the dew collects like stars, shining in intimate constellations, fire within water. I am the tension of duality - light and dark, fire and water, being and becoming - tripled in power, the eight spokes of the turning wheel, the four directions echoing above and below. I am the creatrix and the creative force, the worker and the work, the inspiration and spark of transformation that gives rise to new forms and seeks expression through new skills. I am the energy and effort of the creative process; I am the worker enthralled with her craft, seeking ever-new paths to manifestation in the world of physical forms. It is a delicate dance I weave through the world, and each star shivers as fragile and shining as a drop of dew suspended in the darkness and emptiness of space.
"Why have you brought this group together?"
Eight of Cups - To dive deep into the realms of intuition, emotion and mystery, following the glimmer of inspiration that leads to new realms, new insights, new depths of understanding. The old patterns of emotion and relationship once carefully laid out and protected - it is time to abandon these for new adventure, the risk of the night and its darkness, the thrill of the unknown. A star shines in the depths of the sea, fire within water, beckoning as a guiding light, leading more deeply into soul.
"How can we best serve you as a group?"
Queen of Pentacles - Share the riches of your creative selves, cultivating a warm and supportive environment in which others can do the same. Seek relationships of harmony and humility with all the good things of the earth - be humble as humus, "from the earth," rooted in compassion and cheerfulness and the joy of the senses. Dare to be yourselves without harming others; draw strength from the oak, who is nourished both by deep roots anchored in the moist soil and by lofty branches striving towards the warmth and golden light of the sun. The pentacle is, itself, a star crafted of the stuff of the earth. Become craftsfolk of the pentacle, the earthly star, forging creative, compassionate relationships in the world around you.
"How can I best serve you within the group?"
The Sun (XIX) - Seek the joyful acceptance of the child playing in the morning sunlight as it warms the land. Unabashed and completely at ease with who you are, it becomes easier to share your gifts with the world, radiating energy and enthusiasm as naturally as the sun shines, giving warmth and light to others - yet, like the sun, also knowing when to retire to the shadows and allow others to shine. Clarity of vision and purpose, the energy of passion and the eager embrace of inspiration and enlightenment are your gifts to share with others in child-like innocence and wonder at the marvels of the world.
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Daily Diary
Days of Note: Full Moon (Fire Friend)
Sun: scorpio (water/fixed) on the cusp of sagittarius (fire/mutable), 7:13am - 4:58pm
Moon: full moon, taurus (earth/fixed)
Earth: bright sunny day, possibly up near 60
Thoughts: planning the ritual this evening - notice the sun and moon, between them reflecting all three realms (the sun moving from water into fire, the moon solidly in earth); excited for the ritual tonight; thinking about the coming week, getting things done, cleaning and readying for moving furniture; revisiting the wedding planning stuff, seeing where we are along the check-list, firming up plans for the trip in January
Actions: spending the day with the kids today, going to Phipps, possibly the library, Savanah's Druidry lesson; getting everything ready for the ritual; ritual tonight around 10 PM, then write up and post afterwards
Connections: mostly just thinking about what needs to get done over the next week, excited by lots of awesome stuff, not too worried about the holidays being overly stressful (yesterday's "Thanksgiving" dinner with the kids went well)
Daily Tarot Card: The Magician (I) appears again, sun flares radiating in tattoos on his shoulder, hands deftly balancing an orb of power between them. The four elements surround him, and he engages them with creativity, dexterity, self-confidence and insight. He represents that first initiative, the first impulse to act manifesting itself in the world - even if it is as yet only the inner world of his mind as it seeks out knowledge, patterns and new ideas. He is absorbed in his work, for that work is learning how to move through and change the world. His diligence, enthusiasm and energy hint of fruitful progress and success.
Sun: scorpio (water/fixed) on the cusp of sagittarius (fire/mutable), 7:13am - 4:58pm
Moon: full moon, taurus (earth/fixed)
Earth: bright sunny day, possibly up near 60
Thoughts: planning the ritual this evening - notice the sun and moon, between them reflecting all three realms (the sun moving from water into fire, the moon solidly in earth); excited for the ritual tonight; thinking about the coming week, getting things done, cleaning and readying for moving furniture; revisiting the wedding planning stuff, seeing where we are along the check-list, firming up plans for the trip in January
Actions: spending the day with the kids today, going to Phipps, possibly the library, Savanah's Druidry lesson; getting everything ready for the ritual; ritual tonight around 10 PM, then write up and post afterwards
Connections: mostly just thinking about what needs to get done over the next week, excited by lots of awesome stuff, not too worried about the holidays being overly stressful (yesterday's "Thanksgiving" dinner with the kids went well)
Daily Tarot Card: The Magician (I) appears again, sun flares radiating in tattoos on his shoulder, hands deftly balancing an orb of power between them. The four elements surround him, and he engages them with creativity, dexterity, self-confidence and insight. He represents that first initiative, the first impulse to act manifesting itself in the world - even if it is as yet only the inner world of his mind as it seeks out knowledge, patterns and new ideas. He is absorbed in his work, for that work is learning how to move through and change the world. His diligence, enthusiasm and energy hint of fruitful progress and success.
Labels:
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Saturday, November 20, 2010
Daily Diary
Sun: scorpio (water/fixed), 7:12am - 4:59pm
Moon: *waxing gibbous, about a day from full, taurus (earth/fixed)
Earth: sunny but pretty chilly
Thoughts: TSA "enhanced pat downs" and their relationship to shame v. strength, humor v. embarrassment; thinking about the ritual and the SIG group set up
Actions: set up SIG group and get all members signed up, post welcome message; now it seems Ryan has several hours of work for me to do today as well (yay!); also wanted to do some prep work for Savanah's lesson tomorrow; also, help Jeff with "Thanksgiving" dinner tonight... though since we're not doing any from-scratch home cooking, it shouldn't be too hard
Connections: thoughts are mostly just annoyances I'm dwelling on; but happily, I have lots of things to get done today, so I'm eager to get started
Daily Tarot Card: The Six of Cups reminds us of the past and the child-like innocence and wonder of days gone by with their simple joys and good intentions. Yet it also indicates a new cycle in our lives has begun, particularly regarding our interpersonal relationships and emotional inner lives. We may experience fond memories and nostalgia for the past, but we would do best to embrace the open-mindedness of the child's perspective and look forward to our futures with eagerness and receptivity, while resisting the urge to romanticize what we have left behind.
(My notes: This meditation began in the morning, but I was interrupted by an IM from my manager with a new work assignment; the time with Jeff and the kids dominated the afternoon and early evening. So this was the first chance I had to finish the tarot card reading and post the entry.)
Moon: *waxing gibbous, about a day from full, taurus (earth/fixed)
Earth: sunny but pretty chilly
Thoughts: TSA "enhanced pat downs" and their relationship to shame v. strength, humor v. embarrassment; thinking about the ritual and the SIG group set up
Actions: set up SIG group and get all members signed up, post welcome message; now it seems Ryan has several hours of work for me to do today as well (yay!); also wanted to do some prep work for Savanah's lesson tomorrow; also, help Jeff with "Thanksgiving" dinner tonight... though since we're not doing any from-scratch home cooking, it shouldn't be too hard
Connections: thoughts are mostly just annoyances I'm dwelling on; but happily, I have lots of things to get done today, so I'm eager to get started
Daily Tarot Card: The Six of Cups reminds us of the past and the child-like innocence and wonder of days gone by with their simple joys and good intentions. Yet it also indicates a new cycle in our lives has begun, particularly regarding our interpersonal relationships and emotional inner lives. We may experience fond memories and nostalgia for the past, but we would do best to embrace the open-mindedness of the child's perspective and look forward to our futures with eagerness and receptivity, while resisting the urge to romanticize what we have left behind.
(My notes: This meditation began in the morning, but I was interrupted by an IM from my manager with a new work assignment; the time with Jeff and the kids dominated the afternoon and early evening. So this was the first chance I had to finish the tarot card reading and post the entry.)
Labels:
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autumn,
diary,
full moon,
scorpio,
tarot - 6 cups,
tarot - cups
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