(An outline for the Lughnasad celebration Jeff and I are planning for tomorrow evening. Forgive the formatting -- I'm composing and posting from my iPad while I sit outside in our front yard. Yeah, that's right. #awesome)
# Opening
**Peace to the Four Corners**
May there be peace in the North,
a light of courage to shine
May there be peace in the South,
a rock of truth to stan upon
May there be peace in the East,
a chalice of kindness to drink
May there be peace in the West,
a staff of wisdom to lean upon
We join here now in peace,
May peace hold sway throughout the three realms
Awen.
**Weaving the Circle**
I weave this circle as sacred space,
Woven in stone, in calas, in bone
I weave this circle as holy time,
Woven with water, with gwyar, with blood
I weave this circle as a nemeton,
sanctuary of spirit,
Woven by flame, by nwfyre, by breath
The circle is woven, the grove is open,
By land, sea and sky, where the three realms meet.
Awen.
**Welcoming the Directions**
Hail and welcome, swift Hawk of Dawn
and the powers of the East!
Winging across the wide lands, far-sighted,
far-seeking, riding the high winds.
May you bless and cleanse our circle
with your presence.
Hail and welcome, bright Stag of Noon
and the powers of the South!
Poised at the height of your power, courageous,
strong with the fiery music of the hunt.
May you bless and strengthen our circle
with your presence.
Hail and welcome, wise Salmon of Dusk
and the powers of the West!
Quiet and quick-silver beneath clear waters,
in touch with the ebb and flow of awen.
May you bless and inspire our circle
with your presence.
Hail and welcome, starry Bear of Midnight
and the powers of the North!
Dark and deep-rooted in the nurturing earth,
great protector of the wilderness.
May you bless and guard our circle
with your presence.
The four corners of the realms are joined.
We stand in the center, place of sovereignty and grace.
Awen.
**Druid's Prayer**
Let us join now in the prayer we share with our fellow Druids.
Grant, oh gods, your protection,
And in protection, strength,
And in strength, understanding,
And in understanding, knowledge,
And in knowledge, the knowledge of justice,
And in the knowledge of justice, the love of it,
And in the love of it, the love of all existences,
And in the love of all existences,
the love of Spirit and all goodness.
Awen.
**Marking the Center**
(Charge the candle for abundance)
By spirit and fire, we mark
the center of this rite.
Gateway between the worlds,
light in dark and dark in light.
(Light the candle)
By land, sea and sky,
sacred fire, well and tree,
The center way is open,
by the three realms, so may it be.
**Invocation of the Gods**
(Improvised invitation and prayer to the gods)
**Making Offerings**
We honor our ancestors of blood, spirit and land,
who walk with us still.
We honor our gods and the gods of our people,
shining ones of spirit.
We honor the earth and all of her beings,
flora and fauna, kith and kindred.
May you accept our offerings
as a symbol of our gratitude and devotion.
Awen.
# Central Working
**Prayer of the Season**
The season of harvest is upon us. Fresh fruits ripen on tree and vine, and the earth prepares herself in her self-giving to welcome her children into a time of plenty and celebration. The majesty of the sun warms us even as the days grow shorter, and we gather in the lingering summer evening to offer our praise to the earth. As Lugh, god of skill and light, Lugh of the long arm, honored his mother with harvest and celebration, so we honor Earth Mother, she who sustains and nourishes us, she who supports and encourages us.
We place upon our altar the gifts of the season: Sweet corn, tall and golden in the field, each kernel a drop of sunlight, round and nourishing, promising wealth and abundance still to come. Berries swollen with juice, fresh and ready to be enjoyed, falling to the earth full of seeds from which future harvests will grow. And wine, blushing, refreshing water of life, coaxing us to joy and celebration.
**Raising Power**
In the sight of the gods and the company of friends,
We raise power for our working,
and open ourselves to receive the blessings
of abundance in our turn.
Prayer:
Flame of creativity and productivity.
Light of abundance and prosperity.
Warmth of gratitude and generosity.
We welcome all these into our lives.
Chant:
(Build the chant as symbols of abundance are shared around the circle: corn, berries and wine. Keep chant going as long as necessary, in multiples of three.)
Flame, Light, Warmth, Welcome (x3)
*clap* Light, Warmth, Welcome (x3)
*clap* *snap* Warmth, Welcome (x3)
*clap* *snap* *slap* Welcome (x3)
*clap* *snap* *slap* *stomp* (X3)
(for final repetition, both words and gestures)
Flame, Light, Warmth, Welcome!
Awen.
# Closing
**Prayer for Peace**
We join together now in a prayer for peace throughout the world.
Deep in the still center of my being,
May I find peace.
Silently in the quiet of the grove,
May I cultivate peace.
Gently within the greater circle of humankind,
May I radiate peace.
Awen.
**Farewell to the Directions**
Hail and farewell, starry Bear.
We honor your presence in our circle tonight.
May peace and gratitude go with you to the North.
Hail and farewell, wise Salmon.
We honor your presence in our circle tonight.
May peace and gratitude go with you to the West.
Hail and farewell, bright Stag.
We honor your presence in our circle tonight.
May peace and gratitude go with you to the South.
Hail and farewell, swift Hawk.
We honor your presence in our circle tonight.
May peace and gratitude go with you to the East.
**Closing the Center and Unweaving the Circle**
The fire that burns before us guides our love and will.
Extinguished on the altar, but carried with us still.
(blow out candle)
The circle is unwoven, returned to time and space.
What power is remaining, may it bless this place.
(empty remaining offerings of water, herbs)
By calas, gwyar, nwfyre, by land and sky and sea,
The rite we’ve worked is over,
By the three realms, may it be.
Showing posts with label holiday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label holiday. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Monday, July 4, 2011
Diary - Flamekeeping
Days of Note: Flamekeeping, Fourth of July/"Independence Day"
Sun: cancer (cardinal water), 5:55 AM - 8:54 PM
Moon: waxing crescent, virgo (mutable earth)
Earth: hot and muggy most of the day, occasional shower, then about an hour before sunset, a huge storm with thunder, lightning and hail - now, after dark, fireworks
My flamekeeping shift is soon coming to an end. I've spent most of today working on my response post (first of three parts) to my experiences and observations at the Wild Goose Festival back at the end of June - and trying very hard to ignore what day it is. But how could I think She would let me ignore it.
A storm blew through about an hour ago, with thunder and massive rain that gave way to the pounding of hail (and for the first time, I had the strange experience of fearing for my garden, as though I could imagine myself responsible for the plump little lives that sprung from hard-shelled seeds I did barely more than drop into the soil and encourage with hopeful glances and some occasional weeding). Now the sky to the west is suffused with rose and gold as the storm blows east to lap against the mountains. Jeff had been wishing for a storm all day, in hopes the rain would wash out and ruin the planned Fourth of July fireworks displays. It seems we often have thunder storms during my flamekeeping shifts.
I don't celebrate days like today. I am not a member of the civil religion of this country (though I happened to be born an American citizen, I do not subscribe to Americanism or, as most would call it, patriotism). And because I believe that rituals have power - even when we don't mean them to or believe them to - I do not participate in community rituals that glorify war and violence, that celebrate death and destruction, that serve only to reinforce the boundaries between a righteous Us and an untrustworthy Them.
But because the civil religion is a religion (whether its followers believe it to be or not), I also try as much as I can not to spend my time actively berating those who do participate. It's hard. Very, very hard.
What's harder is seeing Pagans promoting concepts like "Pagan-American" and hailing the invented piece of propaganda known as "Columbia" (named for a man who committed atrocities gleefully against the indigenous peoples of this land and who was denounced even by people in his own time for doing so) as though she were a goddess. Columbia is no more a goddess than Coca-Cola is a god - and I mean that in all its is/isn't tension and complexity.
I can't feel that it's anything but reprehensible and cruel to celebrate a "goddess of the land of America" under the name of a man who tortured and killed so many of those who once lived here. On a day when we supposedly celebrate and honor those brave men (mostly men) who fought for our independence from Britain, do we give any thought to who else they fought - do we remember how Washington earned his promotions through his campaigns against the natives? do we remember that it was not only freedom from colonial rule, but the freedom to rule over an occupied, colonized land that was won? And to turn around and hail the name Columbia! I would retch if I weren't so close to tears.
And Brigid is a goddess of justice, a goddess of peace... but she is also Mother to Sorrow, who saw her son cut down in battle and keened her grief unchecked by shame, a sorrow so all-encompassing it could only be a testament to love. Of course, she would bring me back to thoughts of the Fourth of July when I would rather have ignored it, let it go unmarked and unremarked. Do I have her courage, to wail in public grief, to allow my sorrow and anger to be a testament and song to the greatness of love and hope?
I don't want to. I don't think I have the courage, not this year. I'm tired of being the punching-bag token pacifist. I have no friends or family who made it home from war, I have no claim to respect that would keep the ridicule in check. I can protest until I'm blue in the face - say that though I hate war, I do not hate soldiers, say that though I work for peace, I am not an ideologue or even an idealist - but no one listens.
Except Brigid. Maybe she listens. And this was what brought me to her service, I remember now. I'd read so many descriptions of her, none of which had really rung true. Then I read Lady Gregory writing about her face, how half of it was beautiful and full of light, and half of it was dark and deformed and terrible. And I thought, yes, this I recognize, this is my goddess. Brigid of the Ruined Eye. Brigid, Mother to Sorrow, Lover to Darkness - and yet, Lady of Light, Guardian of Peace. Praise to you.
As polytheists, do we not have the freedom to choose, to worship what gods we will? I will worship the Lady of Star Fire, the holy triple flame who burns ashless, who works in the darkness. I will worship her in her fullness, not only what is beautiful and poetic, but what is wretched and awful and ugly with grief and sadness. I will honor her for her courage, her willingness to be vulnerable before the world. How could I have forgotten this about you, Brigid? Help me to remember. Help me to work in that same service - not only poetry and beauty, but the hard work of justice, the dirty old work of weakness and transformation.
Sun: cancer (cardinal water), 5:55 AM - 8:54 PM
Moon: waxing crescent, virgo (mutable earth)
Earth: hot and muggy most of the day, occasional shower, then about an hour before sunset, a huge storm with thunder, lightning and hail - now, after dark, fireworks
My flamekeeping shift is soon coming to an end. I've spent most of today working on my response post (first of three parts) to my experiences and observations at the Wild Goose Festival back at the end of June - and trying very hard to ignore what day it is. But how could I think She would let me ignore it.
A storm blew through about an hour ago, with thunder and massive rain that gave way to the pounding of hail (and for the first time, I had the strange experience of fearing for my garden, as though I could imagine myself responsible for the plump little lives that sprung from hard-shelled seeds I did barely more than drop into the soil and encourage with hopeful glances and some occasional weeding). Now the sky to the west is suffused with rose and gold as the storm blows east to lap against the mountains. Jeff had been wishing for a storm all day, in hopes the rain would wash out and ruin the planned Fourth of July fireworks displays. It seems we often have thunder storms during my flamekeeping shifts.
I don't celebrate days like today. I am not a member of the civil religion of this country (though I happened to be born an American citizen, I do not subscribe to Americanism or, as most would call it, patriotism). And because I believe that rituals have power - even when we don't mean them to or believe them to - I do not participate in community rituals that glorify war and violence, that celebrate death and destruction, that serve only to reinforce the boundaries between a righteous Us and an untrustworthy Them.
But because the civil religion is a religion (whether its followers believe it to be or not), I also try as much as I can not to spend my time actively berating those who do participate. It's hard. Very, very hard.
What's harder is seeing Pagans promoting concepts like "Pagan-American" and hailing the invented piece of propaganda known as "Columbia" (named for a man who committed atrocities gleefully against the indigenous peoples of this land and who was denounced even by people in his own time for doing so) as though she were a goddess. Columbia is no more a goddess than Coca-Cola is a god - and I mean that in all its is/isn't tension and complexity.
I can't feel that it's anything but reprehensible and cruel to celebrate a "goddess of the land of America" under the name of a man who tortured and killed so many of those who once lived here. On a day when we supposedly celebrate and honor those brave men (mostly men) who fought for our independence from Britain, do we give any thought to who else they fought - do we remember how Washington earned his promotions through his campaigns against the natives? do we remember that it was not only freedom from colonial rule, but the freedom to rule over an occupied, colonized land that was won? And to turn around and hail the name Columbia! I would retch if I weren't so close to tears.
And Brigid is a goddess of justice, a goddess of peace... but she is also Mother to Sorrow, who saw her son cut down in battle and keened her grief unchecked by shame, a sorrow so all-encompassing it could only be a testament to love. Of course, she would bring me back to thoughts of the Fourth of July when I would rather have ignored it, let it go unmarked and unremarked. Do I have her courage, to wail in public grief, to allow my sorrow and anger to be a testament and song to the greatness of love and hope?
I don't want to. I don't think I have the courage, not this year. I'm tired of being the punching-bag token pacifist. I have no friends or family who made it home from war, I have no claim to respect that would keep the ridicule in check. I can protest until I'm blue in the face - say that though I hate war, I do not hate soldiers, say that though I work for peace, I am not an ideologue or even an idealist - but no one listens.
Except Brigid. Maybe she listens. And this was what brought me to her service, I remember now. I'd read so many descriptions of her, none of which had really rung true. Then I read Lady Gregory writing about her face, how half of it was beautiful and full of light, and half of it was dark and deformed and terrible. And I thought, yes, this I recognize, this is my goddess. Brigid of the Ruined Eye. Brigid, Mother to Sorrow, Lover to Darkness - and yet, Lady of Light, Guardian of Peace. Praise to you.
As polytheists, do we not have the freedom to choose, to worship what gods we will? I will worship the Lady of Star Fire, the holy triple flame who burns ashless, who works in the darkness. I will worship her in her fullness, not only what is beautiful and poetic, but what is wretched and awful and ugly with grief and sadness. I will honor her for her courage, her willingness to be vulnerable before the world. How could I have forgotten this about you, Brigid? Help me to remember. Help me to work in that same service - not only poetry and beauty, but the hard work of justice, the dirty old work of weakness and transformation.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Diary - Summer Solstice
Days of Note: Alban Heruin ("Light of the Shore") / Summer Solstice
Sun: gemini (mutable air), 5:50 AM - 8:54 PM, solstice at 1:16 PM (local time)
Moon: waning gibbous, pisces (mutable water)
Earth: thunderstorms and rain this morning before dawn, cloudy much of the morning clearing to hot, sunny, muggy day
Jeff and I had the pleasure of celebrating the summer solstice this year with Sassafras Grove, the local Pittsburgh ADF group. Up at 3:30 AM, we drove out to Fairview Park to participate in a sunrise rite that, ideally, would have involved climbing the Tor which offers a view of southwestern Allegheny County and a magnificent view of the sun rising over the city…. except that it was pouring rain and thundering. We debated not going, but decided to head out anyway (since we missed Beltaine because of rain and we had been so looking forward to this one!) — the rain continued on and off, so they ended up holding the ritual under a pavilion at the bottom of the hill instead. Other than the two of us, only seven other people were in attendance (four of them grove members and three of them visitors); apparently, this was the first time in years that anyone other than grove members showed up for the rite. It was also the first time in about ten years that they didn't have a clear morning.
The rite itself was wonderful — focused on veneration of the sun and including deities from several different Indo-European hearth cultures. (I could go into detail about the structure of the ritual and all of that, but honestly, I'm feeling a bit "spacey" after the lack of sleep, mid-morning nap and long, hot afternoon, so I'll skip it for now. (Outlines for their Summer Solstice rituals from past years can be found here. I mostly wanted to note that we did attend, so that I wouldn't forget to write about it in here.) Jeff really enjoyed the rite and said afterward that it was the first time that a group ritual really "did anything for him." It was definitely a much more makeshift rite than the Imbolc rite I attended back in February — mostly because they weren't anticipating very many people showing up, so there was a little less preparation and a little more ad lib. One of the grove members was telling us over breakfast that the Imbolc ritual was actually one of the first regular rituals the group ever did and had started even before the grove was associated with ADF, so a great deal of tradition and such has grown up around it and accrued more and more because no one wants to let go of any. Compared to that ritual (which had between thirty and forty people attending, plus nine acting priests), this summer solstice ritual was simple and more relaxed. But again, the structure of the ritual worked very well so that by the end I was definitely "feeling it" and jiving with the energies raised. I have to admit, though on paper I think the ADF ritual structure tends to be a bit overly complicated, they're starting to win me over by being able to pull it off so well.
That said, I do feel a bit out of sync with the sheer number of deities often involved in rituals. I tend to be more of a "devotee" type, I guess, really focused on just a few and interested in making my own rites very much All About Them. This summer solstice ritual, even though it was mostly focused on veneration and praise for the actual sun itself, still involved calling on triads of deities from different ancient cultures for each major step in the liturgy (warding the space, opening the gates, making offerings to the Kindred, etc.). In fact, I'm pretty sure there were more gods in attendance at this ritual than there were people! Not that this is a bad thing — clearly it works pretty well for them. But it's the difference between a big party and an intimate date. I'm an intimate date kind of person when it comes to my relationship with the gods. During this ritual, the invocation of Brighid as patron goddess of the grove and of Manannan as one of the Gatekeepers was kind of like seeing really good friends at a large gathering, but only being able to wave briefly to them in passing before being swept along again.
Again, not necessarily a bad thing. A big, public ritual like that once every six weeks or so might be just fine. But I'm not sure I'd be up for getting deeply involved in ADF and spending a lot of time planning such rituals and having them be my main focus. Honestly, there are a lot of other things I'm interested in focusing on, and I'm starting to realize that I lean much more towards the mystic-poet type than the minister-priest type. This is what happens when you're an introvert, I guess.
Still, it was excellent to be able to come and participate, and Jeff and I got to have breakfast with two of the grove members after the ritual was over. We got Eric (also spelled Earrach) talking about his history and involvement with ADF and Sassafras Grove, and that was just awesome. I always worry about being a bit too awkward and saying the wrong thing in those kinds of situations, especially when people start talking about topics that I'm pretty familiar with (at least academically) but haven't necessarily had much hands-on or community experience with. But overall, I think it went very well, and I know Jeff and I are both eager to participate in future events of theirs.
After returning home around 9:30 AM, I ended up falling asleep again until 11:30 AM… We eventually made our way to lunch, and then this afternoon I spent working on designing my next tattoo (which I'll be getting in a week, at the beginning of July). I was working on a sun design to match or compliment my Celtic wave armband design and also to somewhat cover the old and faded tattoo on my right shoulder…. But the design I ended up creating is so complex and so pretty that, frankly, I think I'd like to make it larger and put it somewhere else, more prominent, possibly even in the center of my back (similar to the placement of Jen's large henna-like crop circle tattoo). Below is a black-and-white and a color version of the tattoo.
For my birthday, Jeff got me a book on Celtic shamanism "for everyday life" and I'm really interested in trying out some of the techniques, so I also wanted to make some time very soon to do some journey-work, especially since I haven't done any in a while. But we're about to head out to dinner and hang out with Arthur, and then we're leaving Thursday morning for the Wild Goose Festival, so I really have no idea when I'll have a chance to do that. I guess we'll see!
Sun: gemini (mutable air), 5:50 AM - 8:54 PM, solstice at 1:16 PM (local time)
Moon: waning gibbous, pisces (mutable water)
Earth: thunderstorms and rain this morning before dawn, cloudy much of the morning clearing to hot, sunny, muggy day
Jeff and I had the pleasure of celebrating the summer solstice this year with Sassafras Grove, the local Pittsburgh ADF group. Up at 3:30 AM, we drove out to Fairview Park to participate in a sunrise rite that, ideally, would have involved climbing the Tor which offers a view of southwestern Allegheny County and a magnificent view of the sun rising over the city…. except that it was pouring rain and thundering. We debated not going, but decided to head out anyway (since we missed Beltaine because of rain and we had been so looking forward to this one!) — the rain continued on and off, so they ended up holding the ritual under a pavilion at the bottom of the hill instead. Other than the two of us, only seven other people were in attendance (four of them grove members and three of them visitors); apparently, this was the first time in years that anyone other than grove members showed up for the rite. It was also the first time in about ten years that they didn't have a clear morning.
The rite itself was wonderful — focused on veneration of the sun and including deities from several different Indo-European hearth cultures. (I could go into detail about the structure of the ritual and all of that, but honestly, I'm feeling a bit "spacey" after the lack of sleep, mid-morning nap and long, hot afternoon, so I'll skip it for now. (Outlines for their Summer Solstice rituals from past years can be found here. I mostly wanted to note that we did attend, so that I wouldn't forget to write about it in here.) Jeff really enjoyed the rite and said afterward that it was the first time that a group ritual really "did anything for him." It was definitely a much more makeshift rite than the Imbolc rite I attended back in February — mostly because they weren't anticipating very many people showing up, so there was a little less preparation and a little more ad lib. One of the grove members was telling us over breakfast that the Imbolc ritual was actually one of the first regular rituals the group ever did and had started even before the grove was associated with ADF, so a great deal of tradition and such has grown up around it and accrued more and more because no one wants to let go of any. Compared to that ritual (which had between thirty and forty people attending, plus nine acting priests), this summer solstice ritual was simple and more relaxed. But again, the structure of the ritual worked very well so that by the end I was definitely "feeling it" and jiving with the energies raised. I have to admit, though on paper I think the ADF ritual structure tends to be a bit overly complicated, they're starting to win me over by being able to pull it off so well.
That said, I do feel a bit out of sync with the sheer number of deities often involved in rituals. I tend to be more of a "devotee" type, I guess, really focused on just a few and interested in making my own rites very much All About Them. This summer solstice ritual, even though it was mostly focused on veneration and praise for the actual sun itself, still involved calling on triads of deities from different ancient cultures for each major step in the liturgy (warding the space, opening the gates, making offerings to the Kindred, etc.). In fact, I'm pretty sure there were more gods in attendance at this ritual than there were people! Not that this is a bad thing — clearly it works pretty well for them. But it's the difference between a big party and an intimate date. I'm an intimate date kind of person when it comes to my relationship with the gods. During this ritual, the invocation of Brighid as patron goddess of the grove and of Manannan as one of the Gatekeepers was kind of like seeing really good friends at a large gathering, but only being able to wave briefly to them in passing before being swept along again.
Again, not necessarily a bad thing. A big, public ritual like that once every six weeks or so might be just fine. But I'm not sure I'd be up for getting deeply involved in ADF and spending a lot of time planning such rituals and having them be my main focus. Honestly, there are a lot of other things I'm interested in focusing on, and I'm starting to realize that I lean much more towards the mystic-poet type than the minister-priest type. This is what happens when you're an introvert, I guess.
Still, it was excellent to be able to come and participate, and Jeff and I got to have breakfast with two of the grove members after the ritual was over. We got Eric (also spelled Earrach) talking about his history and involvement with ADF and Sassafras Grove, and that was just awesome. I always worry about being a bit too awkward and saying the wrong thing in those kinds of situations, especially when people start talking about topics that I'm pretty familiar with (at least academically) but haven't necessarily had much hands-on or community experience with. But overall, I think it went very well, and I know Jeff and I are both eager to participate in future events of theirs.
After returning home around 9:30 AM, I ended up falling asleep again until 11:30 AM… We eventually made our way to lunch, and then this afternoon I spent working on designing my next tattoo (which I'll be getting in a week, at the beginning of July). I was working on a sun design to match or compliment my Celtic wave armband design and also to somewhat cover the old and faded tattoo on my right shoulder…. But the design I ended up creating is so complex and so pretty that, frankly, I think I'd like to make it larger and put it somewhere else, more prominent, possibly even in the center of my back (similar to the placement of Jen's large henna-like crop circle tattoo). Below is a black-and-white and a color version of the tattoo.
For my birthday, Jeff got me a book on Celtic shamanism "for everyday life" and I'm really interested in trying out some of the techniques, so I also wanted to make some time very soon to do some journey-work, especially since I haven't done any in a while. But we're about to head out to dinner and hang out with Arthur, and then we're leaving Thursday morning for the Wild Goose Festival, so I really have no idea when I'll have a chance to do that. I guess we'll see!
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Diary - Birthday
Days of Note: My birthday
Sun: gemini (mutable air), 5:49am - 8:53pm
Moon: *waning gibbous, aquarius (fixed air)
Earth: humid much of the day, warm with sun every once in a while through the haze, brief but intense thunderstorms in early evening, rain like a foam-white curtain draped noisily over the landscape, pounding, and now sunset
Once again, I've been very bad at keeping up with this diary, and to be perfectly honest, I haven't done much DOTR work in the past month (despite being so hopeful). Where the month has gone already, it's hard to say! Weekends with the kids have been full and playful, and we've spent a lot more time at the park and on the playground, for which I'm thankful, not to mention the garden. Last weekend, we visited my parents for a combined birthday-slash-engagement-party-slash-wedding-shower and the kids got to meet a lot of my relatives for the first time. I think they left a good impression on them (I hope, anyway!) — in fact, in some ways I think some of my relatives were both charmed and reassured. Perhaps they'd been worried that I was stepping into a slightly dysfunctional family situation. I won't say step-parenting isn't or won't be difficult and stressful at times, but really you couldn't ask for better kids. I've been wanting to write about the party for our wedding blog for the past week, but I've also been bleeding for about seven or eight days now and it's left me incredibly drained of energy (not to mention frustrated at times). This past week was also an intense one in terms of stress about wedding plans, but —
My journaling was interrupted by Jeff and Savanah wanting to watch "The Color of Magic" movie that Jeff got from my parents for his birthday…. and now it's nearly 11 PM. So I'm calling it a night.
This is why I haven't journaled recently.
Goodnight!
Sun: gemini (mutable air), 5:49am - 8:53pm
Moon: *waning gibbous, aquarius (fixed air)
Earth: humid much of the day, warm with sun every once in a while through the haze, brief but intense thunderstorms in early evening, rain like a foam-white curtain draped noisily over the landscape, pounding, and now sunset
Once again, I've been very bad at keeping up with this diary, and to be perfectly honest, I haven't done much DOTR work in the past month (despite being so hopeful). Where the month has gone already, it's hard to say! Weekends with the kids have been full and playful, and we've spent a lot more time at the park and on the playground, for which I'm thankful, not to mention the garden. Last weekend, we visited my parents for a combined birthday-slash-engagement-party-slash-wedding-shower and the kids got to meet a lot of my relatives for the first time. I think they left a good impression on them (I hope, anyway!) — in fact, in some ways I think some of my relatives were both charmed and reassured. Perhaps they'd been worried that I was stepping into a slightly dysfunctional family situation. I won't say step-parenting isn't or won't be difficult and stressful at times, but really you couldn't ask for better kids. I've been wanting to write about the party for our wedding blog for the past week, but I've also been bleeding for about seven or eight days now and it's left me incredibly drained of energy (not to mention frustrated at times). This past week was also an intense one in terms of stress about wedding plans, but —
My journaling was interrupted by Jeff and Savanah wanting to watch "The Color of Magic" movie that Jeff got from my parents for his birthday…. and now it's nearly 11 PM. So I'm calling it a night.
This is why I haven't journaled recently.
Goodnight!
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Brigid Star Fire, An Imbolc Meditation
I began in a field, a green expanse full of flowers and bright sunlight unrolling on all sides. A figure danced in green and gold rippling, barely distinguishable at first from the wind shifting and dancing through the long grasses — yet as she moved closer, I was able to make her out. Eyes that flashed black and full of stars, a glimpse here and there in her turning and spiraling of a darkness, glinting cold and dark, then slipping, spinning back into green and gold. The mantle she wore spun out around her as she turned and danced, the colors of its threads flung out like sparks from a fire, leaping, or like flower petals of purple crocuses and myriad colored wildflowers — some falling to the ground to spring up as blossoms from scattered seeds, while others fluttered, took flight as a thousand butterflies flirting with the warm breeze.
So unlikely a scene, in the midst of this cold and bitterly long winter, that it took me a moment to adjust, to sink more deeply into the sense of place and allow myself to enter, to engage, the awakened land. The candle on my altar — the golden fire-in-the-water afloat among golden flecks of glitter in the blue bowl, the flame of transformation and forge fire that marked the opened center way — hissed and sparked as it consumed the offering of butter. On either side, the red candle of fire, poetry and inspiration and the blue candle of water, healing and integration burned steadily in their holders. But my eyes were closed, as I sunk deeper into trance. The green, gold meadow grew more intense in my mind's eye as I slipped down into my true center.
What is this dancing? I asked her, running to keep up as she laughed and twirled. What do you have to teach me, Brigid? Is spring here already? It seems so cold still. She seemed to ignore my half-frantic questions, challenging me with her movements to stay on my toes. Suddenly, she flopped down in the grass like a small girl, giggling, laying on her stomach propped up on her elbows, running her fingers through the grasses and flower blossoms. Her gold-flamed auburn hair fell around her face in braids, and the soles of her bare feet were slightly darkened with the dirt of the earth. I looked more closely at where her fingers were playing and dancing through the rich flora of the meadow. She plucked a white-fuzzed sphere of a dandelion and sat up, cross-legged, and held it up between us for me to examine. "Funny," she mused, "How the same flower that can be so golden and bright as the sun — turns to white, soft fluff carried on the wind when it goes to seed...." She took a deep breath and blew, closing her eyes for a moment as if making a wish. The we both watched as the seeds one by one let loose and drifted like snow across the wide field — some snagging in the nearby grasses and trembling there, others carried far and high until they were lost to our sight against the bright sky. "How much they look like tiny stars!" Brigid exclaimed, and she was on her feet again, running and dancing among the flowers. The field seemed suddenly full of dandelions, most of them golden yellow and bristling with sunshine. When Brigid found one ready to seed, a crystal fuzz-ball of intricate webbing in white, she'd flick it with her toe as she danced past, sending the seeds scattering to the wind.
But, I called out, what about my work? What work should I be doing? I have been so tired, it's so hard for me to work up the energy to stick to a discipline. You are the Goddess of the Forge, of the steady and unglamorous work of transformation! Don't you have any advice for me? She laughed with that laugh that always seems to mean, "You just don't get it, darling!" She continued dancing through the green, sun-bathed fields, calling out behind her, "The dandelion is not always sunny. Sometimes it must go to seed to survive, sometimes it must put down deep roots! Not every season is the season of discipline and work! Things change! I am not just a goddess of transformation — I am also the goddess of inspiration!" As if in response to these words, on my altar the red candle sparked and hissed, and its flame danced in its holder. "Now it's time for you to indulge in some joy, my darling!" Brigid announced, catching me up with her hands and swinging me around trying to urge me to dance. "Now is a time for the joy of inspiration — do what brings you joy, find again the playfulness in yourself. Now is not a time for work — I am sick of work — now is the time to play! As the spring comes and the days warm, play and be joyful! These are your duties now, to dance the spring in, to welcome it as it deserves!"
Her words kept coming, urging me to seek again the source of my joy, to sing my soul-song in playful notes, and set aside my worries about obligation and progress. Moved by her words, I joined her dancing, and together we spiraled and swirled and skipped through the grasses, singing and laughing beneath a high, bright sky. After a time, I asked her, Should I — I mean, you are my goddess. Should I take an oath to you, a formal vow? She scoffed kindly at my question. But others in our group have done so — and I have no doubt in my heart that I am devoted to you... Her dance slowed beside me so that she could gaze more deeply into my eyes. "For others," she said, "An oath is like the spiderweb that connects and weaves them together in my service — and it is on those strands that the jewels of transformation, devotion and inspiration collect like dew. But you — you are already too full of duties and responsibilities, shouldering too much of the world as an obligation. No, you do not need to make any more promises to me that you have not already made. What you need to learn.... is a little bit of joy and freedom!" And with that, we were spinning again, dancing. The red candle on the altar sparked and danced along.
And as the trance deepened, as I slipped in and out of the rhythm of the spiraling dance across the meadow, it seemed that suddenly she caught me up in an embrace full of passion and joy, kissing me deep on the mouth — her breath becoming my breath, sweet and warm with the scent of flowers and greenery in springtime. I opened my arms to embrace her, and found I was embracing nothing but breeze and sunlight, as my body shivered, transfused with a sudden warmth tingling in every cell. She had entered into my body, or merged, or blended — I found myself to now be wearing the lush green robe and mantle hemmed with golden knotwork ribbon weaving its patterns along each edge, and as I spun, it rippled out around me in long undulating waves that seemed the very expression of joy and creativity rooted deep within the earth. The dandelion seeds drifted white around me, and soon the field was full of them, wafting as thick as snow but warm and soft. I found the meadow had grown dark and the seeds drifted upwards to mingle with the stars against the darkness of the night sky. I seemed to hear her voice from within — yet from a great distance — "What you need to learn, child, is how to plant the seeds of joy in your heart and nurture them as they crave. What grows of these — leave that to me...."
Then slipping quickly back, the trance came to an end and I was sitting before my altar again, watching the three flames burning steady and silent in the still air. Dipping my finger in the butter again, I consecrated a fourth candle, a large white pillar in a red-and-orange stained glass hurricane jar. This was to be my flamekeeping candle for the coming year, lit and tended every twenty days during my shift. What promises you have from me are already enough, Brigid? I pray this is so, and that I may keep them dear....
So unlikely a scene, in the midst of this cold and bitterly long winter, that it took me a moment to adjust, to sink more deeply into the sense of place and allow myself to enter, to engage, the awakened land. The candle on my altar — the golden fire-in-the-water afloat among golden flecks of glitter in the blue bowl, the flame of transformation and forge fire that marked the opened center way — hissed and sparked as it consumed the offering of butter. On either side, the red candle of fire, poetry and inspiration and the blue candle of water, healing and integration burned steadily in their holders. But my eyes were closed, as I sunk deeper into trance. The green, gold meadow grew more intense in my mind's eye as I slipped down into my true center.
What is this dancing? I asked her, running to keep up as she laughed and twirled. What do you have to teach me, Brigid? Is spring here already? It seems so cold still. She seemed to ignore my half-frantic questions, challenging me with her movements to stay on my toes. Suddenly, she flopped down in the grass like a small girl, giggling, laying on her stomach propped up on her elbows, running her fingers through the grasses and flower blossoms. Her gold-flamed auburn hair fell around her face in braids, and the soles of her bare feet were slightly darkened with the dirt of the earth. I looked more closely at where her fingers were playing and dancing through the rich flora of the meadow. She plucked a white-fuzzed sphere of a dandelion and sat up, cross-legged, and held it up between us for me to examine. "Funny," she mused, "How the same flower that can be so golden and bright as the sun — turns to white, soft fluff carried on the wind when it goes to seed...." She took a deep breath and blew, closing her eyes for a moment as if making a wish. The we both watched as the seeds one by one let loose and drifted like snow across the wide field — some snagging in the nearby grasses and trembling there, others carried far and high until they were lost to our sight against the bright sky. "How much they look like tiny stars!" Brigid exclaimed, and she was on her feet again, running and dancing among the flowers. The field seemed suddenly full of dandelions, most of them golden yellow and bristling with sunshine. When Brigid found one ready to seed, a crystal fuzz-ball of intricate webbing in white, she'd flick it with her toe as she danced past, sending the seeds scattering to the wind.
But, I called out, what about my work? What work should I be doing? I have been so tired, it's so hard for me to work up the energy to stick to a discipline. You are the Goddess of the Forge, of the steady and unglamorous work of transformation! Don't you have any advice for me? She laughed with that laugh that always seems to mean, "You just don't get it, darling!" She continued dancing through the green, sun-bathed fields, calling out behind her, "The dandelion is not always sunny. Sometimes it must go to seed to survive, sometimes it must put down deep roots! Not every season is the season of discipline and work! Things change! I am not just a goddess of transformation — I am also the goddess of inspiration!" As if in response to these words, on my altar the red candle sparked and hissed, and its flame danced in its holder. "Now it's time for you to indulge in some joy, my darling!" Brigid announced, catching me up with her hands and swinging me around trying to urge me to dance. "Now is a time for the joy of inspiration — do what brings you joy, find again the playfulness in yourself. Now is not a time for work — I am sick of work — now is the time to play! As the spring comes and the days warm, play and be joyful! These are your duties now, to dance the spring in, to welcome it as it deserves!"
Her words kept coming, urging me to seek again the source of my joy, to sing my soul-song in playful notes, and set aside my worries about obligation and progress. Moved by her words, I joined her dancing, and together we spiraled and swirled and skipped through the grasses, singing and laughing beneath a high, bright sky. After a time, I asked her, Should I — I mean, you are my goddess. Should I take an oath to you, a formal vow? She scoffed kindly at my question. But others in our group have done so — and I have no doubt in my heart that I am devoted to you... Her dance slowed beside me so that she could gaze more deeply into my eyes. "For others," she said, "An oath is like the spiderweb that connects and weaves them together in my service — and it is on those strands that the jewels of transformation, devotion and inspiration collect like dew. But you — you are already too full of duties and responsibilities, shouldering too much of the world as an obligation. No, you do not need to make any more promises to me that you have not already made. What you need to learn.... is a little bit of joy and freedom!" And with that, we were spinning again, dancing. The red candle on the altar sparked and danced along.
And as the trance deepened, as I slipped in and out of the rhythm of the spiraling dance across the meadow, it seemed that suddenly she caught me up in an embrace full of passion and joy, kissing me deep on the mouth — her breath becoming my breath, sweet and warm with the scent of flowers and greenery in springtime. I opened my arms to embrace her, and found I was embracing nothing but breeze and sunlight, as my body shivered, transfused with a sudden warmth tingling in every cell. She had entered into my body, or merged, or blended — I found myself to now be wearing the lush green robe and mantle hemmed with golden knotwork ribbon weaving its patterns along each edge, and as I spun, it rippled out around me in long undulating waves that seemed the very expression of joy and creativity rooted deep within the earth. The dandelion seeds drifted white around me, and soon the field was full of them, wafting as thick as snow but warm and soft. I found the meadow had grown dark and the seeds drifted upwards to mingle with the stars against the darkness of the night sky. I seemed to hear her voice from within — yet from a great distance — "What you need to learn, child, is how to plant the seeds of joy in your heart and nurture them as they crave. What grows of these — leave that to me...."
Then slipping quickly back, the trance came to an end and I was sitting before my altar again, watching the three flames burning steady and silent in the still air. Dipping my finger in the butter again, I consecrated a fourth candle, a large white pillar in a red-and-orange stained glass hurricane jar. This was to be my flamekeeping candle for the coming year, lit and tended every twenty days during my shift. What promises you have from me are already enough, Brigid? I pray this is so, and that I may keep them dear....
Friday, December 31, 2010
Daily Diary
Days of Note: New Year's Eve Day
Sun: capricorn (earth/cardinal), 7:43am - 5:03pm
Moon: waning crescent, sagittarius (fire/mutable)
Earth: quite mild and damp, almost in the 60s, rainy in the morning then sunny in the afternoon, smell of mud and damp earth, scent of moist spring in the air almost
Thoughts: mostly focused on work, especially in the morning, and trying to stay grounded in a relaxed, pleasant frame of mind; later in the afternoon, Jeff and I spent some time talking about the kids' education and the benefits of having trained teachers with lots of experience to give us feedback (which is something we don't really have now, with Emily just doing homeschooling); after the divination reading, we spent a lot of time talking about astrology and the meanings of the different houses and how they interact with each other; forgot to mention this the other day, I think - but I've been thinking more about maybe going back to grad school for a Masters or PhD, the University of Florida has a "Nature and Religion" program and the main professor there wrote the book my brother got me for Christmas, I "friended" him on FB and wrote to Nathan asking his opinion of the program (he says from what he knows it's a very reputable, solid program)... so that's been on my mind a bit the last few days, too, though I certainly can't pursue anything for the next few years
Actions: visit to Panera in the morning to get some work done, but unfortunately my stomach was off and uncomfortable, so we headed home for lunch; after lunch, a few more hours of contractor work, running into some frustration with a slow connection towards the end; before dinner, Jeff and I took a nice walk in the woods during twilight (found a stone for my end of Lesson 2 exercise); then dinner and an episode of Buffy (one that sparked some less than happy memories for Jeff that we then spent some time talking about - Buffy as therapy, oh yeah); then, I spent several hours doing a (fairly simple) New Years ritual thanking my gods and guides for their presence this past year and asking for their blessings and support in the year to come, as well as making offerings and pouring libations for them (in particular, Brigid Star-Fire), followed by an in-depth divination reading using tarot cards in the astrological spread (one card for each of the twelve houses), which took hours to interpret - and I'm still not done!
Connections: unfortunately, for most of the day my stomach was giving me problems and pangs, the "sour stomach" that feels like too much acid and not enough to digest; not sure why, but applesauce, bananas and tums seemed to help a bit; otherwise, trying to keep my negativity in check a bit and focus on the wonderful and beautiful aspects of my life, which is working really well; I feel more relaxed and free than I have been recently, and the ritual went really well, probably because it was so simple and improvised and I could just sit, center and speak from my heart
Sun: capricorn (earth/cardinal), 7:43am - 5:03pm
Moon: waning crescent, sagittarius (fire/mutable)
Earth: quite mild and damp, almost in the 60s, rainy in the morning then sunny in the afternoon, smell of mud and damp earth, scent of moist spring in the air almost
Thoughts: mostly focused on work, especially in the morning, and trying to stay grounded in a relaxed, pleasant frame of mind; later in the afternoon, Jeff and I spent some time talking about the kids' education and the benefits of having trained teachers with lots of experience to give us feedback (which is something we don't really have now, with Emily just doing homeschooling); after the divination reading, we spent a lot of time talking about astrology and the meanings of the different houses and how they interact with each other; forgot to mention this the other day, I think - but I've been thinking more about maybe going back to grad school for a Masters or PhD, the University of Florida has a "Nature and Religion" program and the main professor there wrote the book my brother got me for Christmas, I "friended" him on FB and wrote to Nathan asking his opinion of the program (he says from what he knows it's a very reputable, solid program)... so that's been on my mind a bit the last few days, too, though I certainly can't pursue anything for the next few years
Actions: visit to Panera in the morning to get some work done, but unfortunately my stomach was off and uncomfortable, so we headed home for lunch; after lunch, a few more hours of contractor work, running into some frustration with a slow connection towards the end; before dinner, Jeff and I took a nice walk in the woods during twilight (found a stone for my end of Lesson 2 exercise); then dinner and an episode of Buffy (one that sparked some less than happy memories for Jeff that we then spent some time talking about - Buffy as therapy, oh yeah); then, I spent several hours doing a (fairly simple) New Years ritual thanking my gods and guides for their presence this past year and asking for their blessings and support in the year to come, as well as making offerings and pouring libations for them (in particular, Brigid Star-Fire), followed by an in-depth divination reading using tarot cards in the astrological spread (one card for each of the twelve houses), which took hours to interpret - and I'm still not done!
Connections: unfortunately, for most of the day my stomach was giving me problems and pangs, the "sour stomach" that feels like too much acid and not enough to digest; not sure why, but applesauce, bananas and tums seemed to help a bit; otherwise, trying to keep my negativity in check a bit and focus on the wonderful and beautiful aspects of my life, which is working really well; I feel more relaxed and free than I have been recently, and the ritual went really well, probably because it was so simple and improvised and I could just sit, center and speak from my heart
New Year Divination: 2011
I lay down twelve cards, one for each of the astrological houses, beginning with the first house to the left and moving counter-clockwise around the central altar to the three realms.
The First House (Ascendant): The house of beginnings, our first reactions and immediate attitude to the external world around us; our personality, external characteristics, public persona and the first impressions we leave.
The Hierophant (V) — The priest and teacher of wisdom and ritual, the Hierophant represents our inner urge to seek meaning and craft meaningful, beautiful ways of living and moving in the world showing honor and without doing harm to others. He is a figure of tradition and ancient patterns rooted in the secrets of the earth and the ages. He brings the spiritual or religious urge into manifestation in the earthly realm through the careful cultivation and practice of ritual and rite, and through these he can reveal mysteries and great wisdom with patience and calm.
The Second House: The house of security, stability, property, wealth and income; our attitudes towards wealth and material possessions, and our financial fortunes and economic sense.
Ace of Wands — This card signifies a gift, the possibility of creativity, excitement and adventure, the first urge in a new direction which can be pursued with enthusiasm and energy. A card of beginnings, it may represent a threshold to be crossed, a new enterprise to undertake, or perhaps a challenge to be met with strength, intelligence and wit.
The Third House: The house of connection and communication through analytical and critical thinking, information exchange, news and publicity; practicality, trade and exchange, as well as brief contact and short, quick communications with others.
Three of Cups — This card signifies a time of celebration and joy in friendship and community with others. A moment to pause and appreciate the good work and good feeling that comes with initial success, to enjoy the moment with dance and song and other expressions of merriment and gratitude, while also knowing work still lies ahead as the process continues.
The Fourth House: The house of emotional comfort and inner security which provides a foundation, as well as our desire to care for and cherish others; thus, also tradition, family, ancestry and memories of our youth.
Nine of Wands — A card of vigilance and watchfulness, holding strength in reserve and holding true to that core of power and inner strength that we might not expect we have until we have been tested. This card urges us to be prepared and ever-ready, strong in our resolve to work through conflicts without losing our edge over time. But it also reminds us to keep an open mind and broad perspective, to rest secure in ourselves and not to go looking for conflict or to allow conflict to arise because we are too one-sided or belligerent.
The Fifth House: The house of pleasure, entertainment, play and love, as well as our creative impulses and our delight and inner satisfaction in our own productivity and activity; our desire to express ourselves and develop self-reliance.
The Hermit (IX) — The restlessness and yearning for solitude expresses itself in the Hermit, who follows his inner longing for deepening personal fulfillment, withdrawing from the sometimes harsh external world to seek the spiritual life within and the guidance and light it can give. The Hermit experiences the intensity of that calling to the inner life and embraces the depth and profundity of the greater whole. Though from the outside he may seem withdrawn, reserved or even passive, within he undertakes a journey of soul-longing to find his place in the greater whole and learn how to put this new understanding into practice.
The Sixth House: The house of everyday life, and the routine of work, diet, health and habit; our attitudes towards our work, its joys and frustrations, and our relationship with our physical bodies through the concrete daily tasks we engage in.
The Star (XVII) — The Star is a card of hope, renewal and peace. She dances, full of grace, gratitude and joy, among the shadows of the darkest night, welcoming the coming dawn with acceptance and appreciation as one who has released fear and discovered the inner guiding light that bestows self-confidence and poise. Within refreshing darkness, the Star cultivates the space to prepare and uplift the spirit, embracing all the potential we hold within and engaging creatively with what the future holds.
The Seventh House: The house of partnership and teamwork, our attitudes towards our partners, as well as our expectations and experiences of partnership; a need for harmony and balance, equilibrium and friendliness.
The Hanged Man (XII) — The Hanged Man signifies surrender and willing self-sacrifice, a well as emotional release and acceptance of the ups and downs, shadow and sun sides of life. The Hanged Man perseveres through difficulty and suffering not by resisting them or seeking to avoid them, but by resting in the secret, subtle knowledge within that he will survive, that his strength will endure and he will emerge from his experience wiser and more capable than before. This card is also one of shift and change, a reversal in perspective that may flip the world upside; the Hanged Man's center of gravity is not the mundane world of ordinary matters, but the deeper or "higher" gravity of the heavens, a spiritual sense that leads him to trust in and surrender to the greater patterns of the universe.
The Eighth House: The house of animal instinct, intuition and the unconscious, in particular how these express themselves in our attitudes and relationships; the urge to take risks and pursue creative tasks, as well as our fears and anxieties about our personal power and its expression.
Seven of Wands — This card has a paradoxical nature. On the one hand, it can represent the courage, faith and selflessness to take a stand to protect or fight for what we believe in and what's truly important; yet on the other hand, it may also indicate that our own actions and initiatives are the source or cause for the conflict we are experiencing. In both cases, this card encourages us to take heart and remember our strength, to be on our guard and tenacious in our striving, but also to be willing to adapt, to bend and sway with the changing winds.
The Ninth House: The house of expansive vision and ideals; a thirst for travel, as well as our attitudes towards higher education, philosophy, religion, spirituality and our sense of justice.
Eight of Cups — This card signifies the completion or resolution of an emotional situation, and a new resolution to go out seeking in new directions. It is a card that urges us to dive more deeply into the mysterious realms of our emotions and intuition, to follow our leading down into the depths and the dark where our vision may be softened and connections appear more fluid and smooth. The sharp lines and bright lights of the everyday mundane world might be left behind for a time, as we explore our emotional depths on a journey of personal discovery. Yet we may not be sure where this journey will lead us, or what we may encounter in the dark depths, and so insecurity or uncertainty may also be an aspect of this card's meaning.
The Tenth House: The house of demarcation, boundaries and social positions; our attitudes towards our place and function in the larger world and our desire to define our sense of self in relation to others.
Death (XIII) — This card signifies transition, change and transformation. A card of death and rebirth, it burns away the old patterns and ways of being, whether they are unhelpful, unhealthy or simply no longer serving their purpose. In their place, new ways of being and living emerge that open new possibilities and opportunities to us. If we cling to the old, we face stagnation and deadlock, and yet if we can embrace these changes we will discover ourselves renewed and transformed by the process. Still, death and change are not often easy, and each carries its own sorrows and griefs as well as amazing joys and ecstasies. So this card also encourages us to face the coming changes with courage and compassion, and a willingness to embrace our transformation and its difficulties as the purging forge fire that will ready us for a new life.
The Eleventh House: The house of friendship, camaraderie and equality; our urge to break down rigid boundaries and get to know others as equals on their own terms; our attitude towards friends and friendship and our desire to seek out like-minded others.
Page of Wands — This card represents childlike innocence and joy, especially the pleasure to be had in engaging with enthusiasm and energy in activities and new projects or initiatives. The Page of Wands is charismatic, witty and personable, forthright and outspoken and able to draw others to her with her excitement and youthful wonder and energy. This card is an urge to action, fresh and uncomplicated, especially activities engaged in for their own sake with no ulterior motives.
The Twelfth House: The house of deeper connection and union with life, expressed through or leading to mystic spirituality, artistic work, or social justice work; our oneness with life expressed by the unconscious in dreams, visions, symbols or sometimes the absorption of the personality into the collective, the masses.
Page of Cups — This card represents romanticism and a connection to the world of dreams, visions and fantasies. The Page of Cups, a romantic at heart, longs for the quiet, still space in which to simply breathe and enjoy the pleasures that surround her, to delve more deeply into her dreams and visions, and to listen more closely to the whisperings of her intuition and the inner wisdom of her unconscious. She is receptive and childlike, which may at times lead her into sentimentality, indulging in her emotions and dreams without acting on them, perhaps without even realizing that she can act on them. Yet there are unplumbed depths here, as well, held within the possibilities of the peace and tranquility of this card.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Daily Diary
Days of Note: Christmas Day
Sun: capricorn (earth/cardinal), 7:21am - 4:41pm (Lancaster time)
Moon: waning gibbous, virgo (earth/mutable)
Earth: cold, clear, still rather windy but not as bad, very dry
Thoughts: last night at mass and afterwards, just generally fighting tiredness and a bit of boredom (this year's homily not as good or coherent as last year's); nothing much on the mind today except fatigue and sleep-deprivation, the brain feeling sluggish after not much sleep; talked over dinner about some dreams of trips out West and camping (getting me all psyched to do some research into camping supplies so that we can put that stuff, instead of house stuff we don't need, on the wedding registry)
Actions: attended midnight Mass at my old Catholic church, came home and exchanged presents while drinking mint tea, as per family tradition; went to bed about 3am and slept in quite a bit; in the morning, Dad made french toast for breakfast as we lounged around (and opened stocking stuffers); then Jeff and I retreated to my old room to nap and read on and off until mid-afternoon; mid-afternoon, we packed up everything, consolidated gifts (wrapped the gifts for Melanie and Biff), loaded up the car and went to check into the hotel - went to the wrong hotel because we assumed it was the same one as last year, but it was actually the nicer one across the street where we got a great discount on a really nice suite complete with stocked kitchen and living room area (which, if we'd known it was such a deal on such a good room, we would have sprung for the extra night, but oh well); relaxed around the hotel room for a bit until Dad called to say it was time for dinner, then headed back to my parents' house for Christmas dinner and dessert, then back to the hotel
Connections: feeling very worn out and tired, and kind of sluggish; never did get into the "Christmas spirit" and feeling a bit disappointed (and guilty for feeling disappointed) that neither of the two things I actually asked for arrived in time for Christmas this year, and otherwise my mom got me some very nice handcrafted home decor items that will probably have to stay in their boxes because of an overly frisky cat (at least for a while longer, until we get more shelves up and Cu settles down a bit more as he gets older), and yet I always love books as gifts and hardly got any this year (because Mom thinks that's a boring gift) - ah well.... the homemade gifts we got for my parents and brother seemed to go over well, at least (though I plan to keep working on mine until I can send them nicer versions)
(Note: No tarot card reading tonight, either. I'm feeling exhausted, and also I forgot my tarot books back home, so I think I'll be waiting on returning to the daily readings until we're back in Pittsburgh.)
Sun: capricorn (earth/cardinal), 7:21am - 4:41pm (Lancaster time)
Moon: waning gibbous, virgo (earth/mutable)
Earth: cold, clear, still rather windy but not as bad, very dry
Thoughts: last night at mass and afterwards, just generally fighting tiredness and a bit of boredom (this year's homily not as good or coherent as last year's); nothing much on the mind today except fatigue and sleep-deprivation, the brain feeling sluggish after not much sleep; talked over dinner about some dreams of trips out West and camping (getting me all psyched to do some research into camping supplies so that we can put that stuff, instead of house stuff we don't need, on the wedding registry)
Actions: attended midnight Mass at my old Catholic church, came home and exchanged presents while drinking mint tea, as per family tradition; went to bed about 3am and slept in quite a bit; in the morning, Dad made french toast for breakfast as we lounged around (and opened stocking stuffers); then Jeff and I retreated to my old room to nap and read on and off until mid-afternoon; mid-afternoon, we packed up everything, consolidated gifts (wrapped the gifts for Melanie and Biff), loaded up the car and went to check into the hotel - went to the wrong hotel because we assumed it was the same one as last year, but it was actually the nicer one across the street where we got a great discount on a really nice suite complete with stocked kitchen and living room area (which, if we'd known it was such a deal on such a good room, we would have sprung for the extra night, but oh well); relaxed around the hotel room for a bit until Dad called to say it was time for dinner, then headed back to my parents' house for Christmas dinner and dessert, then back to the hotel
Connections: feeling very worn out and tired, and kind of sluggish; never did get into the "Christmas spirit" and feeling a bit disappointed (and guilty for feeling disappointed) that neither of the two things I actually asked for arrived in time for Christmas this year, and otherwise my mom got me some very nice handcrafted home decor items that will probably have to stay in their boxes because of an overly frisky cat (at least for a while longer, until we get more shelves up and Cu settles down a bit more as he gets older), and yet I always love books as gifts and hardly got any this year (because Mom thinks that's a boring gift) - ah well.... the homemade gifts we got for my parents and brother seemed to go over well, at least (though I plan to keep working on mine until I can send them nicer versions)
(Note: No tarot card reading tonight, either. I'm feeling exhausted, and also I forgot my tarot books back home, so I think I'll be waiting on returning to the daily readings until we're back in Pittsburgh.)
Friday, December 24, 2010
Daily Diary
Days of Note: Christmas Eve Day
Sun: capricorn (earth/cardinal), 7:20am - 4:40pm (Lancaster time)
Moon: waning gibbous, leo (fire/fixed)
Earth: cold, cold, cold, windy, clear
Thoughts: thinking a bit about creative writing and tossing around potential story ideas, exploring characters and thinking about the nature of creative writing; spent some time talking politics with Dad (but not much) and thinking about "Law of Attraction" stuff with Jeff for an article he's working on
Actions: slept in a bit, headed to Panera in the morning to get some contractor work done, spent the afternoon at my parents' house hanging around with Jeff, mostly in my old room away from the TV; got some reading done, some napping; wrapped presents mid-afternoon; had dinner with the family and then some more hanging out in my room, some creative writing (started a short story that might turn into something after being inspired by Orson Scott Card's book on fiction writing); took a quick shower and got ready for midnight Mass at church (although we didn't get to bed until about 3am, I'll leave that for the following day's diary entry)
Connections: mostly just resting and enjoying having nothing much to do; gave up on trying to get too much work done, considering how noisy it was in Panera, but still got a nice number of hours in for the last two weeks, which is excellent
(Note: This post was backdated.)
Sun: capricorn (earth/cardinal), 7:20am - 4:40pm (Lancaster time)
Moon: waning gibbous, leo (fire/fixed)
Earth: cold, cold, cold, windy, clear
Thoughts: thinking a bit about creative writing and tossing around potential story ideas, exploring characters and thinking about the nature of creative writing; spent some time talking politics with Dad (but not much) and thinking about "Law of Attraction" stuff with Jeff for an article he's working on
Actions: slept in a bit, headed to Panera in the morning to get some contractor work done, spent the afternoon at my parents' house hanging around with Jeff, mostly in my old room away from the TV; got some reading done, some napping; wrapped presents mid-afternoon; had dinner with the family and then some more hanging out in my room, some creative writing (started a short story that might turn into something after being inspired by Orson Scott Card's book on fiction writing); took a quick shower and got ready for midnight Mass at church (although we didn't get to bed until about 3am, I'll leave that for the following day's diary entry)
Connections: mostly just resting and enjoying having nothing much to do; gave up on trying to get too much work done, considering how noisy it was in Panera, but still got a nice number of hours in for the last two weeks, which is excellent
(Note: This post was backdated.)
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Daily Diary
Days of Note: Full Moon, Full Lunar Eclipse, Winter Solstice, Alban Arthuan
Sun: cusp of capricorn (earth/cardinal), 7:40am - 4:57pm, solstice, longest night
Moon: *full moon, cancer (water/cardinal), full lunar eclipse (early this morning)
Earth: cloudy this morning clearing to sunny and just below freezing
Thoughts: mostly thinking about how the kids were enjoying their solstice and what was next on the agenda; some thoughts on money, since we flubbed a bit on who was paying for what and so had to swing by the bank at one point, but feeling overall quite confident about the situation
Actions: alarm went off a 2am so that Jeff could check and see if we'd be able to see the lunar eclipse through the cloud cover, but unfortunately it was too cloudy to see anything, so we went back to bed and let the kids sleep through the night; woke the kids up around 7am to get dressed and ready to trek to the park to greet the rising sun, brought along our bird seed "ornaments" and garlands of popcorn, and hung them from the trees at the top of the hill while singing songs to the new sun; returned home to open presents - all of which were a big hit, but especially (Grandma) Lannie's big stuffed bears for everyone; after presents, we swung by the bank real quick for cash, then headed to Pamela's for a Solstice Brunch, which everyone thoroughly enjoyed; after that, we headed out to B&N for the kids to use their gift cards, along with the gift cards from Lannie last year that had been lost and then recovered, so the kids ended up being able to get tons of books and crafts that they picked out; we spent the rest of the afternoon reading and/or doing the crafts and games they'd got, or playing with their bears, or sketching with their new colored pencils and sketch pad (meanwhile, after a short nap with Jeff, I helped the kids do the next step in their ornament craft projects so they'll be ready tomorrow); early evening, we ordered pizza for a special Solstice Pizza Party (and made Josh's frozen pizza sans corn), then everyone changed into pajamas and we had our nightly reading of Lord of the Rings before finally going to bed
Connections: I'm exhausted, but I'm very glad the kids had such an excellent holiday; I really feel as though these past few days with the kids have given us a chance to "bond" (as corny as that sounds) and get to know each other better; I know we've had them for weeks at a time in the past, but often during those weeks I've had to work, whereas now I can work from home and squeeze in a few hours here and there, while still spending time with the kids during big chunks of the day (tomorrow will be a lots-of-work day for me, though, so I can get in some hours this week while still being able to take Christmas off with the family); I took lots of pictures, so eventually they'll make their way onto here
Daily Tarot Card: The Devil (XV) is a card of temptation and addiction, the pursuit of pleasures at the expense of others and the ensnarement of willing souls in the bondage of materialism and overindulgence. Yet at the same time, the instinct to self-presevation and self-protection that can lead us mistakenly into greed and defensiveness can at other times be an appropriate and necessary response that will help us survive during difficult times when otherwise our sense of self might be threatened or overwhelmed by external forces. The figure in the card hunches over and huddles cold and alone, harassed by the dancing devil above - yet the key to freedom is within reach.
(My note: I was ensure what this card had to do with anything, so I drew a clarification card, especially since I've skipped my daily tarot two nights in a row.)
The Five of Pentacles is a card of disconnection and difficulty, in some ways indicating a spiritual or possibly material poverty, and a insufficient attention to the signs and messages of both one's physical body and one's inner world of soul and heart. Indications of hope and help may go unheeded or unappreciated, though they exist all around. As in the card of The Devil, the figure in the Five of Cups sits hunched over and huddled into herself, willfully blind to the opportunities and beauties all around. Yet there is always a chance for renewal and reconnection, especially if we are willing to let go of unhealthy or unhelpful patterns, re-center ourselves and turn our attention and attending once again to the integrity of the inner and outer worlds.
(My note: I am not sure what these cards may indicate, except perhaps that I really pushed myself to the point of exhaustion today and set aside concerns of mental and physical health - like eating well - for the sake of "enjoying the holiday with the kids." I may have to meditate more on what these cards indicate, or discuss them with Jeff. Or perhaps just seek some rest and relaxation over the next few days and remember to turn my attention again to my goddess and my spiritual work.)
Sun: cusp of capricorn (earth/cardinal), 7:40am - 4:57pm, solstice, longest night
Moon: *full moon, cancer (water/cardinal), full lunar eclipse (early this morning)
Earth: cloudy this morning clearing to sunny and just below freezing
Thoughts: mostly thinking about how the kids were enjoying their solstice and what was next on the agenda; some thoughts on money, since we flubbed a bit on who was paying for what and so had to swing by the bank at one point, but feeling overall quite confident about the situation
Actions: alarm went off a 2am so that Jeff could check and see if we'd be able to see the lunar eclipse through the cloud cover, but unfortunately it was too cloudy to see anything, so we went back to bed and let the kids sleep through the night; woke the kids up around 7am to get dressed and ready to trek to the park to greet the rising sun, brought along our bird seed "ornaments" and garlands of popcorn, and hung them from the trees at the top of the hill while singing songs to the new sun; returned home to open presents - all of which were a big hit, but especially (Grandma) Lannie's big stuffed bears for everyone; after presents, we swung by the bank real quick for cash, then headed to Pamela's for a Solstice Brunch, which everyone thoroughly enjoyed; after that, we headed out to B&N for the kids to use their gift cards, along with the gift cards from Lannie last year that had been lost and then recovered, so the kids ended up being able to get tons of books and crafts that they picked out; we spent the rest of the afternoon reading and/or doing the crafts and games they'd got, or playing with their bears, or sketching with their new colored pencils and sketch pad (meanwhile, after a short nap with Jeff, I helped the kids do the next step in their ornament craft projects so they'll be ready tomorrow); early evening, we ordered pizza for a special Solstice Pizza Party (and made Josh's frozen pizza sans corn), then everyone changed into pajamas and we had our nightly reading of Lord of the Rings before finally going to bed
Connections: I'm exhausted, but I'm very glad the kids had such an excellent holiday; I really feel as though these past few days with the kids have given us a chance to "bond" (as corny as that sounds) and get to know each other better; I know we've had them for weeks at a time in the past, but often during those weeks I've had to work, whereas now I can work from home and squeeze in a few hours here and there, while still spending time with the kids during big chunks of the day (tomorrow will be a lots-of-work day for me, though, so I can get in some hours this week while still being able to take Christmas off with the family); I took lots of pictures, so eventually they'll make their way onto here
Daily Tarot Card: The Devil (XV) is a card of temptation and addiction, the pursuit of pleasures at the expense of others and the ensnarement of willing souls in the bondage of materialism and overindulgence. Yet at the same time, the instinct to self-presevation and self-protection that can lead us mistakenly into greed and defensiveness can at other times be an appropriate and necessary response that will help us survive during difficult times when otherwise our sense of self might be threatened or overwhelmed by external forces. The figure in the card hunches over and huddles cold and alone, harassed by the dancing devil above - yet the key to freedom is within reach.
(My note: I was ensure what this card had to do with anything, so I drew a clarification card, especially since I've skipped my daily tarot two nights in a row.)
The Five of Pentacles is a card of disconnection and difficulty, in some ways indicating a spiritual or possibly material poverty, and a insufficient attention to the signs and messages of both one's physical body and one's inner world of soul and heart. Indications of hope and help may go unheeded or unappreciated, though they exist all around. As in the card of The Devil, the figure in the Five of Cups sits hunched over and huddled into herself, willfully blind to the opportunities and beauties all around. Yet there is always a chance for renewal and reconnection, especially if we are willing to let go of unhealthy or unhelpful patterns, re-center ourselves and turn our attention and attending once again to the integrity of the inner and outer worlds.
(My note: I am not sure what these cards may indicate, except perhaps that I really pushed myself to the point of exhaustion today and set aside concerns of mental and physical health - like eating well - for the sake of "enjoying the holiday with the kids." I may have to meditate more on what these cards indicate, or discuss them with Jeff. Or perhaps just seek some rest and relaxation over the next few days and remember to turn my attention again to my goddess and my spiritual work.)
Monday, December 20, 2010
Daily Diary
Days of Note: Solstice Eve Day
Sun: sagittarius (fire/mutable), 7:39am - 4:56pm
Moon: **full moon, gemini (air/mutable)
Earth: cloudy all day with snow flurries, very cold
Thoughts: this morning, spent some time discussing with Jeff about whether or not to confront Emily, but came to no real conclusions about what the right thing to do is; mostly thinking about Solstice and our schedule with the kids and how to keep everything on track and running smoothly; finally getting into some "yuletide spirit"
Actions: breakfast with the kids, followed by a few hours of contractor work (while Jeff made popcorn and helped the kids with popcorn and cranberry garlands and birdseed ornaments for our greeting of the new born solstice sun at dawn tomorrow); lunch, followed by me taking some time to write up Savanah's Druidry lesson for the week and gather some supplies (this week we talked about altars, so Jeff and I had a "show and tell" time); then Savanah's lesson; I squeezed in a bit more contractor work while Jeff made an early dinner, then we all we out to Phipps to see the greenhouse at night with all the light displays; when we got home, we did a Winter Solstice meditation with the kids by candlelight, then sent the kids to bed; after they were asleep, finished wrapping presents and putting on tags and bows, then dragged up the boxes of Christmas decorations and set up everything in the dining room as a surprise for the kids in the morning (since we hadn't put up any decorations before that, because of the cat and a lack of time), but we draped garlands around the windows and put a garland and a fancy tree skirt around the miniature rosemary "tree" in the center of the table, surrounded by presents (Lannie's presents we set up sitting in each of the kids' respective seats at the table so they look like weird bodies in colored body bags who've all reanimated and decided to play poker - it looks so marvelously bizarre and creepy! pictures, of course, to follow); now, Jeff made us mint tea to have with some holiday cookies, since now we're the grown ups who get to have Santa's cookies! o, also, I forgot - received and opened a holiday card from my parents, as well as a gift from a reader who is a craftsman on Etsy, a beautiful leather-bound journal with acorn charm that she made herself and almost brought me to tears of gratitude that a reader could be so kind - I will definitely be sending her a thank you note (and pictures to follow, plus a thank you going up on Meadowsweet)
Connections: mostly looking forward to Solstice and the lunar eclipse tonight (tomorrow morning, technically) and trying to enjoy the day despite being quite busy; it was nice being able to take a few hours to get some work done and feeling productive even with having the kids this week; I think Jeff really enjoyed making the bird seed ornaments with them, and came up with some very creative solutions since our attempts last year were less than stellar; so all in all, I'm feeling calm and integrated and finally able to relax enough to enjoy the coming holidays
No daily tarot card tonight.
Sun: sagittarius (fire/mutable), 7:39am - 4:56pm
Moon: **full moon, gemini (air/mutable)
Earth: cloudy all day with snow flurries, very cold
Thoughts: this morning, spent some time discussing with Jeff about whether or not to confront Emily, but came to no real conclusions about what the right thing to do is; mostly thinking about Solstice and our schedule with the kids and how to keep everything on track and running smoothly; finally getting into some "yuletide spirit"
Actions: breakfast with the kids, followed by a few hours of contractor work (while Jeff made popcorn and helped the kids with popcorn and cranberry garlands and birdseed ornaments for our greeting of the new born solstice sun at dawn tomorrow); lunch, followed by me taking some time to write up Savanah's Druidry lesson for the week and gather some supplies (this week we talked about altars, so Jeff and I had a "show and tell" time); then Savanah's lesson; I squeezed in a bit more contractor work while Jeff made an early dinner, then we all we out to Phipps to see the greenhouse at night with all the light displays; when we got home, we did a Winter Solstice meditation with the kids by candlelight, then sent the kids to bed; after they were asleep, finished wrapping presents and putting on tags and bows, then dragged up the boxes of Christmas decorations and set up everything in the dining room as a surprise for the kids in the morning (since we hadn't put up any decorations before that, because of the cat and a lack of time), but we draped garlands around the windows and put a garland and a fancy tree skirt around the miniature rosemary "tree" in the center of the table, surrounded by presents (Lannie's presents we set up sitting in each of the kids' respective seats at the table so they look like weird bodies in colored body bags who've all reanimated and decided to play poker - it looks so marvelously bizarre and creepy! pictures, of course, to follow); now, Jeff made us mint tea to have with some holiday cookies, since now we're the grown ups who get to have Santa's cookies! o, also, I forgot - received and opened a holiday card from my parents, as well as a gift from a reader who is a craftsman on Etsy, a beautiful leather-bound journal with acorn charm that she made herself and almost brought me to tears of gratitude that a reader could be so kind - I will definitely be sending her a thank you note (and pictures to follow, plus a thank you going up on Meadowsweet)
Connections: mostly looking forward to Solstice and the lunar eclipse tonight (tomorrow morning, technically) and trying to enjoy the day despite being quite busy; it was nice being able to take a few hours to get some work done and feeling productive even with having the kids this week; I think Jeff really enjoyed making the bird seed ornaments with them, and came up with some very creative solutions since our attempts last year were less than stellar; so all in all, I'm feeling calm and integrated and finally able to relax enough to enjoy the coming holidays
No daily tarot card tonight.
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