Consumerism, Social Media and Loneliness

Full disclosure: I am feeling immensely curmudgeony today. In fact, I've been feeling that way for the past several days (as is probably evident from my last post — in which I spoke too soon, several folks on TC ended up sharing some intriguing ideas and information regarding virginity in ancient Greece, so I was a bit premature in bitching about the canned responses... persistent questioning in this case paid off).

One reason for the crankiness is lack of sleep — a nightmare last night had me awake at 2 AM and I didn't fall back asleep until 4 AM, after Jeff had gotten up and headed to the airport. The nightmare involved a group of young people (three, I think, two girls and one boy) who along with some sort of teacher had staged a massacre — they initially set up a scenario where one of the girls was supposedly mauled by a savage, rabid dog and came stumbling out into the view of the crowd dripping with blood, her flesh town, and the two others were somehow also in on it, setting loose the dog and encouraging it to "sick" on anyone who attempted to run (which everyone did), resulting in a mass of chaos as people ran screaming, trampling each other, and others had weapons, knives, etc. so that the dream descended into a jumble of nightmarish images of people with their eyes gouged out and their limbs torn ragged, etc. I didn't wake up afraid, but more just didn't want to close my eyes and be subjected to the violent images again, so I worked at some light-breathing and meditative exercises (including drawing Brigid's mantle about me) while lying in bed. I did eventually fall back asleep after Jeff had left, at which point I had some sort of dream about Abed (from the TV show Community) being abandoned by his friends now that Troy was dating Britta and all his fears about loneliness and being metaphorically "stuffed in a locker" coming true after all — again, not a fearful dream, but this time a very sad one.

I'm feeling out of sorts and disconnected from people. Earlier, before the nightmare started (which was actually a dream within a dream), I was dreaming of being back at my parents' house, hanging out with my brother and Arthur. I realized how much I miss Arthur, and other aspects of living in Pittsburgh (though Arthur isn't even in Pittsburgh anymore) and how I'm still not feeling very well settled out here in Seattle. On Saturday, a cool gray day after Friday's hot and sunny weather, Jeff and I spent an incredibly lazy day hanging out; the people across the street were noisy and jubilant from early in the morning and Jeff said he heard one of them say something about it being "the day of the wedding"... which led to a bout of crying for me, remembering our wedding and how it felt very much like just one more stressful day in a string of stressful days and how hurt I'd been (still am) that none of my family had seemed as excited and happy for me that day as these people across the street sounded (and how the people who'd been nicest to Jeff and me on our wedding and honeymoon were always strangers giving us spontaneous hugs and congratulations). Jeff pointed out that, at least in his family, there has never been a wedding or baby shower that lived up to the ideal of being a truly celebratory experience — that there was always some conflict or controversy or family drama going on, always a certain extent to which people were just faking their excitement and sincerity. So Jeff spent some time with me remembering all of the beautiful things about our wedding and honeymoon, and when was the first time he felt like we were "really married" (the massage we got at the spa in Santa Fe).

Weirdly enough, though I felt wiped out and deeply sad, there was also a lightness, too, a sense of relief. Every year around Lughnasad it seems I get burnt out, and then comes a day when there's a shift in the air, a different energy, and you can taste autumn for the first time. That was what Saturday felt like, and I felt like I could completely relax, curled up on the sofa with the light falling through the low, misty clouds onto our skin so that it looked illuminated, iridescent.

Sunday we spent out in the woods again, hiking around Tiger Mountain (not up to the summit this time, but along some other trails that led to some boulders that form ancient caves on the mountainside). I found myself stressing a bit about our upcoming naturalist training and feeling that I hadn't done as much studying and research as I would have liked since the end of our spring training. I get into these obsessive thought patterns that just wear me out.

This morning, after the lack of sleep, I just find myself annoyed at how idiotic things seem to be and how much I wish I could just step aside from all of it. The latest controversy in the Pagan community is now whether or not it's discriminatory for online services like eBay and Etsy to discontinue the sale of "intangible" services like blessings and prayers, or to restrict the kinds of medical claims sellers are allowed to make for their products. I hate the fact that my community has such a persecution complex that, instead of seeing this as an opportunity to hold fellow community members accountable to a higher standard of honesty and integrity, they want to complain about discrimination. Is the Pagan community so full of snakeoil salesmen?

It especially bothers me in light of the prevalence among Pagans to complain about Christianity as some sort of homogeneous brainwashing that converted the world through intimidation and force all those centuries ago.... Today, consumerism and capitalism function in just the same way, making promises of a better, easier life if you just buy into the system, enforcing that economic model at the point of a gun and securing its interests all over the world through the use of military force. The result: the exploitation of the most vulnerable and disenfranchised in our society, people who are impoverished and marginalized, and the destruction of our environment. If Pagans as a community could muster even a fraction of the self-righteous anger about capitalist consumerism and the problems it perpetuates right here and now as they do over past wrongs (that are often exaggerated or completely imaginary — "never again the Burning Times")..... But no. Instead, they buy into the system completely, they worship gods with explicit connections to the exploitation of land and people in the name of the "freedom" of the market (Columbia, anyone?) and they get all worked up when their ability to sell superstition to the highest bidder is called into question by businesses that do not want to be associated with hucksters and frauds. They invent reasons to feel victimized and persecuted, instead of rising to the challenge of turning a critical eye on the roll that selling spells and blessings plays in their own community. If these restrictions seem to unfairly impinge on Pagans more than those of other religions, maybe we should ask ourselves why our religion is so much more deeply entrenched in capitalism and money-making than these others? Why Pagans are more willing to spend $30 on a love spell than donate $15 to protect the environment against exploitation and destruction? This is not social justice — this is the whining of pampered, privileged white kids who want to be able to profit from selling products branded with dubious "magical" claims without any expectation of accountability or integrity. Maybe I'm just becoming cranky in my old age, but I lean more and more towards the belief that the selling of religious services in general is deeply problematic. (And yeah, I do still fault Bonewits' theology of polytheism to a certain extent, for building capitalist assumptions right into the foundation of what so many folks in the U.S. think of as "hard polytheism.")

Letter to Mentor

Bob,

It's been just over two months since my last letter to you. As I mentioned in my letter at the beginning of August, I'd decided to put DOTR work aside until after our wedding and honeymoon, but of course my Druidry work more generally never really ceases! Now that it's October, I'm easing back into a somewhat stable routine of spiritual practice, and I'm thinking of using Samhain as an ideal time to renew my work on the DOTR lessons (primarily those focused on the four elements). This will give me time to get that Stephen Arroyo book I mentioned before, about the role of the four elements in astrology, which I hope will be a good resource to accompany (and deepen) my review.

I find that the more I study astrology, the more fascinated I am with it - especially with the "depth psychology" approach that Arroyo and a few others use in modern times, in contrast to what he calls "mundane astrology," which is more traditional and focuses more on predicting external events. Instead, the psychological approach treats astrology as a tool for gaining insights into the inner energetic fields and patterns of the individual. In some ways, it seems simpler, or at least easier for a novice to jump quickly into relevant and meaningful readings based on a few simple interpretive guidelines. On the other hand, those simple interpretive guidelines often seem to lay bare patterns at the heart of the inner psyche that, by the time they filter up into more obvious, conscious behaviors and beliefs, can be incredibly varied and diverse in how they express themselves. When I first began working on an interpretation of my own natal chart, it was constantly surprising how certain aspects of my chart seemed to describe accurately patterns of inner energetic relationships that have expressed themselves in so many different ways in my life over the years, but that once brought to light seemed obviously connected. And just as surprising was how other patterns were so clearly not expressive in my life and did not describe me at all, and how they always corresponded to aspects or patterns definitely not in my natal chart - so that it seems impossible to agree with the argument that skeptics often use, that astrological readings are so vague as to apply to anyone. Though broad or somewhat abstract, the interpretations Arroyo offers are rarely vague, and I can tell almost immediately when I'm reading about an aspect or correspondence whether or not it is likely to appear in my own chart, even before I check it against the chart itself. I have no idea by what mechanism the stars in the sky at the time and place of our birth can so deeply affect, or reflect or speak to, aspects of our inner psyches.... but there's definitely something significant going on. (It reminds me of the physicist I saw recently talking about the latest challenges in modern physics, such as exploring exactly how and why gravity works - the theory being that there are other dimensions curled up within our own three spatial dimensions that somehow give gravity and mass to subatomic particles. Perhaps in the same way, somehow the stars give shape and design to our inner lives - or maybe the other way around - as though there are deeper things at work, webs of connection curled up and embedded within our mundane material reality.)

So I've continued to study astrology over the past two months, and I'm about to launch into Arroyo's book on the elements to go along with my DOTR lessons. In addition, I'll be reading two different books on the influence of Saturn and especially the Saturn Return, as my own is coming up soon and (depending on how tight an orb you use) could be starting as soon as the end of this month. The first exact conjunction of transiting Saturn with my natal Saturn will be on Christmas, December 25 itself, and it will come into exact aspect twice more (because Saturn will go retrograde and then direct again) over the next year, with the final conjunction in next September (on our first year wedding anniversary, in fact). Because of a few other aspects in my chart (Saturn being conjunct Pluto right on my Ascendant, for instance), this coming year promises to be particularly intense, so much of my meditative work in the coming months is going to be focused on working with Saturnine energies in one way or another.

Other than this astrological work, I've been doing some work with archetypes and Jungian psychology thanks to my brother and his career as a "consumer psychology analyst." During a visit with him in August (when we were introducing our cats to each other so he could cat-sit for us while we were away on honeymoon), he just happened to lend me a book on archetypes and "the marketing of meaning" in modern advertising. That book had some fascinating but also some deeply troubling things to say about the use of psychological and spiritual symbols in modern consumer capitalism, but it did help me to clarify my own attitudes towards my writing as a potential career. When we saw him again in September, he lent me another book by the same author, this time much more of a "self-help" type of book that went into more depth and detail about the various archetypes. I'm intrigued by how these might match up with the kinds of archetypes and energies used in astrology, though I want to do a bit more research and experimentation before I can really draw any conclusions.

Also in August, I spent some time working through the "30 Days of Druidry" meme I'd written up and shared on the DOTR blog in July. I'm only part way through the thirty writing prompts, so I'll be continuing that in October and possibly in November as well. Those are published on my blog over on my website, if you wanted to check them out.

During September, it was pretty much non-stop wedding stuff for the first two weeks, and then honeymooning for the second two. One thing I am rather proud of (if you don't mind me getting personal and female for a second): a spell I cast during the August full moon to ensure that the wedding week and honeymoon wouldn't be interrupted by my rather painful and exhausting "that time of the month" turned out to be an astounding success. Though I was on a rhythm that put the worst of it right smack on our wedding day itself, I was able to move things forward more than a week, leaving me feeling rested and well for the week leading up to the wedding and for the two weeks after while Jeff and I were out west camping. I rarely do any kind of spellwork with such mundane, physical ends in mind. Most of my spellwork (which honestly I don't do much of in any case) is focused on inner emotional or psychological work, magic as "a willed change in consciousness." But this was one of those rare times when I had no real recourse to mundane, non-occult means of bringing about the desired outcome, which is the only time I feel like magic directed towards mundane goals is really called for. So I was particularly pleased at how well the spell worked - accurate to the very day. Not bad for someone rather out of practice!

Unfortunately, Jeff and I hadn't bothered to do any spellwork regarding weather for the wedding day (another use of magic that I feel less than enthusiastic about, especially since Jeff's ex-wife had a reputation for brazenly trying to manipulate the weather on a regular basis). We had a gorgeous week at the beach - sunny and warm and perfect beach weather - but the day of the wedding itself was gray and blustery, with winds so strong that almost the entire beach was covered by water (though usually even at high tide there was at least fifty yards of flat sand above the water's edge). Honestly, it was breathtakingly beautiful, though a bit chillier than we'd expected. Still, the rain held off the entire day (finally starting not thirty seconds after Jeff and I left together at the end of the reception), so we did have our ceremony down on the beach as we'd expected, on the threshold of the three realms. We had spent time during a visit the year before petitioning the spirits of the local land for their blessing on our wedding, and we had done similar work the day right before the wedding. Our guests joked that, well, we'd asked the elements and the three realms to show up, and they showed up in force! There may be some truth to that. (Jeff's oldest daughter, Savanah, said that during our invocations to the three realms in the ceremony itself, sand crabs and sea gulls both seemed to draw in closer to the small gathering of us on the beach.) All in all, it was an intense experience, and in some ways I think the weather forced everyone to really ground in their bodies and experience the power and beauty of the natural world in a deeply visceral way... which is exactly what we wanted. (My hair is probably going to be an absolute mess in all of our wedding photos, though!)

During our honeymoon the following two weeks - which we spent out in Utah and New Mexico camping and hiking in various national parks - I spent a lot of time working through some inner blocks or issues involving my career and in particular with my writing. I plan to write up something on this experience sometime soon and share it to my Working the Three Realms blog, so if you're interested in that, you can check it out there.

Since this letter has become way too long already, though, I'll end it here for now. Looking forward to hearing from you. Hoping your autumn has been well and blessed so far! I'd love to hear how you work with Erynn's book and the Three Cauldrons has been going!

--Ali

A Druid Wedding Ceremony

Opening Processionals

Processional of Family Blessings and Guests
(Musical Accompaniment - “Concerning Hobbits” Lord of the Rings Soundtrack, 2:50)

Led by Officiant, MoB and FoB process down the boardwalk and onto the beach at the head of the guests. MoB carries a basket of sea shells; FoB carries handfasting cord and rings. Officiant proceeds to the front to stand before the altar, accompanied by the FoB who places cord and rings on the altar. MoB stands at the top entrance to the circle, offering a shell to each guest as they enter. Siblings (plus family) of Bride and Groom bring up the rear of guest processional and take their seats nearest the front of the altar on either side. After all guests have entered the circle and been seated, MoB and FoB take their seats next to the Sibling of the Bride.

Processional of the Elements
(Musical Accompaniment - “The Black Isle/Brunswick Street,” 4:10)

Fire and Water | Together, the Fire-bearer (Savanah) and Water-bearer (Josh) process down the boardwalk and onto the beach. Upon approaching the circle, they proceed around the outer rim in a clockwise direction, the Fire-bearer holding the lantern aloft while the Water-bearer sprinkles drops of water (sparingly!) onto the sand. Upon reaching the top of the circle again, together they process down the center aisle to place Fire and Water onto the altar, then take their seats.

Air and Earth | Together, the Incense-bearer (Jerilynn) and the Flower-girl (Fiona) process down the boardwalk and onto the beach. Upon approaching the circle, they proceed around the outer rim in a clockwise direction, the Incense-bearer holding the bowl of incense aloft while the Flower-girl scatters flower petals and herbs onto the sand. Upon reaching the top of the circle again, together they process down the center aisle to place Air and Earth onto the altar, then take their seats.

Bride and Groom Processional
(Musical Accompaniment - “Inner Light/Picard Flute Solo”)

Together, the Bride and Groom process down the boardwalk and onto the beach. Upon approaching the circle, the proceed around the outer rim in a clockwise direction, pausing at each of the four directions to whisper prayers of peace and welcome to the elements. Upon reaching the top of the circle again, together they process down the center aisle to stand before the Officiant at the altar.

Welcome & Invocations

Welcoming

Officiant rings a small bell to mark that the rite has begun.

OFFICIANT:

Today, we gather together - family and friends - to celebrate the loving union of Jeff and Alison. On this threshold of Land, Sea and Sky, we welcome the blessings of the Three Realms into our lives.

I invite you all to close your eyes for a few moments and simply be present to all who are gathered here today. Feel the sands beneath your feet, firm and soft. Like the sacred oak, we sink our roots deep into the soil to seek nourishment and support. We drink deeply of the waters that flow beneath us, refreshed by the rains that fall and soak into ground. Above us, the sun’s light energizes and warms us, feeding our spirits. The breeze caresses us as it dances by, carrying the many scents and sounds of the life all around us. Here on this shore, the Three Realms mingle their voices in a single song - the Song of the World - in which the melodies of our lives are joined.

[pause]

Open your eyes.

Invocations with Offerings

OFFICIANT:

In Druidry, we honor the many relationships that shape our lives. Just as Jeff and Alison have gathered their family and friends here to witness and share in their joy today, so do they also welcome the presence of the gods, the memory of their ancestors and the spirits of the living land as members of this sacred community.

BRIDE & GROOM:

We welcome and honor the gods, you who are sources of guidance, love and inspiration. Accept this offering as a symbol of our gratitude and praise.

Bride and Groom each offer a pinch of herbs to the incense.

BRIDE & GROOM:

We welcome and honor the ancestors, you who came before us in wisdom, memory and courage. Accept this offering as a symbol of our gratitude and praise.

Bride and Groom each offer a few drops of melted butter to the fire.

BRIDE & GROOM:

We welcome and honor Mama Anu, Mother Earth, and all the beings of this land, you who dwell in air, fire, water, earth and spirit. Accept this offering as a symbol of our gratitude and praise.

Bride and Groom pour a libation of water to soak into the sands.

Readings & Reflection

A Reading

“The Ponds,” by Mary Oliver - Read by Savanah


A Meditation on Love

Personal reflections on the seasons of love by the Officiant


A Song

Adapted from “Turn the World Around,” by Harry Belafonte - Sung by Jerilynn

Commitment & Vows

The Handfasting

Fiona takes the handfasting cord from the altar and presents it to Officiant.

OFFICIANT:

Alison and Jeff, please join hands.

Officiant drapes the handfasting cord across the joined hands of Bride and Groom. With each affirmation, Officiant loops the handfasting cord (loosely) once more around the couple’s joined hands.

OFFICIANT:

The swift hawk of dawn rides the currents of Air,
sharp in wit, far-sighted and clear in her will.
The rising sun illuminates her golden wings.
Her cry is a call of freedom on the winds.

Alison and Jeff, you stand here today
to pledge yourselves in marriage and love.
Do you come to this union freely,
guided by wisdom and clarity
and the true calling of your will?

BRIDE & GROOM:

We do.

OFFICIANT:

The bright stag of noon crests the hill as a leaping red Fire,
courageous and strong beneath a high, hot sun.
Through passion, he leads the hungering soul
on a wild chase across the threshold into new worlds.

Alison and Jeff, you stand here today
to pledge yourselves in marriage and love.
Do you come to this union bravely,
strong in your passion for one another
and ready to pursue it into a new life together?

BRIDE & GROOM:

We do.

OFFICIANT:

The wise salmon of dusk lingers in deep, cool Water
close to the secret, nourishing wellspring of the heart.
Her every movement embodies gentleness and grace.
Her gifts are compassion, kindness and attention.

Alison and Jeff, you stand here today
to pledge yourselves in marriage and love.
Do you come to this union gently,
attentive to each other's deepest needs
and open to the secrets of each other's hearts?

BRIDE & GROOM:

We do.

OFFICIANT:

The great bear of midnight moves slowly over the Earth,
lumbering through lush forests beneath a star-studded sky.
Close to soil and stone, rooted in the land,
his patience and loyalty shine like jewels in the dark.

Alison and Jeff, you stand here today
to pledge yourselves in marriage and love.
Do you come to this union steadfastly,
with commitment firmly rooted
in loyalty and mutual support?

BRIDE & GROOM:

We do.

With their final statement of intent, the Officiant knots the handfasting cord.

The Vows

With hands joined together by the handfasting cord, the Bride and Groom exchange the vows of their union. (Officiant speaks vows line by line, Bride and Groom repeat each line in unison.)

OFFICIANT:

This couple stands before you today with courage and commitment, with open eyes and open hearts, to affirm their love for each other. Jeff and Alison, please repeat after me.

VOWS:

I promise you a love as steady as the Land beneath us.
I promise to share with you the bounty of good times,
and to support and comfort you in times of need.
I promise to honor the mystery of individuality within you
and to respect your independence,
as you honor and respect my own.
I will rejoice in our differences as much as in our similarities
and cherish the love that grows between us.
This I promise, by stone, by calas (CAH-lahs), by bone, and by the sacred Land.

I promise you a love as boundless as the Sea that surrounds us.
I promise to share in your simplest joys and wildest hopes,
and to buoy you up when sorrow threatens to overwhelm you.
I promise to listen with understanding and attention
to your deepest desires and your darkest fears,
as you attend to mine.
I will always return to that love and gratitude
that is the source from which our union flows.
This I promise, by water, by gwyar (GOO-yar), by blood, and by the sacred Sea.

I promise you a love as eternal as the Sky above us.
I promise to carry the light of our love with me wherever life might take us,
and to be guided by that love as a traveler is guided by the faithful stars.
I promise to encourage you in your striving,
and to challenge you when you need a challenge,
as you encourage and challenge me.
I will join my life with yours as one melody
in harmony with the Song of the World.
This I promise, by fire, by nwyfre (NOOiv-ruh), by breath, and by the sacred Sky.

I promise to love and honor you all the days of my life.
By Land, Sea and Sky, this I vow.

OFFICIANT:

Though you cannot always be physically joined in this way, your vows and the love they promise remain true. [Officiant removes the handfasting cord from the joined hands of Bride and Groom, without untying the knot.] The cord is removed, but the bond remains strong and unbroken.

Officiant places the handfasting cord back upon the altar.

Exchange of Rings

Josh takes the rings from the altar and presents them to Officiant.

OFFICIANT:

These rings are a symbol of the vows you have made today.

Officiant presents each ring to Bride and Groom to place upon the other’s finger.

GROOM:

Alison, you are my best friend, my partner in life. Accept this ring as a reminder of my love and my promise.

BRIDE:

Jeff, you are my best friend, my partner in life. Accept this ring as a reminder of my love and my promise.

Blessings & Pronouncement

Blessing by Officiant

OFFICIANT:
[Personal blessing by the officiant.]

Pronouncement

OFFICIANT:

By the power vested in me by the State of North Carolina, it gives me great pleasure to pronounce you united in marriage!

Bride and Groom kiss!

Family Blessing with Seashells

Immediately following the pronouncement and kiss, Officiant asks guests to bless their shells with all of their joy and well-wishes for the newly-wed couple. Officiant then invites all guests to leave their seats and follow Bride and Groom down to the water’s edge. Guests toss their shells into the ocean on the couple’s count of three.

Presentation

Officiant rings the bell signifying the ceremony’s end.

OFFICIANT:

I present to you, Alison and Jeff Lilly!

Recessional/Receiving Line

(Musical Accompaniment - “Saltatio Vita” Omni, 4:34 + other songs)

Diary - Flamekeeping

Days of Note: Flamekeeping starts at sundown, Full Claim Song Moon

Sun: leo (fixed fire), 6:28 AM - 8:22 PM
Moon: *full moon, aquarius (fixed air)
Earth: perfect day of nearly cloudless clear skies and gentle sunlight, a relief from the heat and humidity of recent weeks, almost a hint of the autumn weather to come next month and later


At around 4:30 PM this afternoon, Jeff ended work early to go for an extended walk through the woods. The last couple days have been blissfully gorgeous weather, the sunlight golden and the air gentle and cool, lightened from the heat and humidity that have been weighing it down so much in recent weeks. Unfortunately, pain in my legs due to stress (and possibly low vitamins) have kept me sleepless for about three or four nights running now, and this morning I was overwhelmed with worries about the wedding next month and was awake at 5 AM sobbing and angry, so the day began roughly and I was still feeling utterly drained and unfocused even by the afternoon.

Our walk seemed to help that a great deal. We went for a very long walk through Frick Park, down the Upper Riverview Trail, then the Falls Ravine Trail, then left up what I think is called Biddle Trail that passes underneath Forbes and comes out at the far northern end of the park. We went all this way, then turned and followed the wide road that wound down again into the cemetery. Just as we were entering the cemetery - towards the back end, where huge fields of military graves marked with small, sun- and rain-faded flags and sometimes flowers meet up with the edge of the woods - we were stopped in our tracks by four, and then five young bucks moving cautiously out of the underbrush of the wood and into the open fields among the graves to graze in the shade of a large oak tree. They were only twenty or thirty yards from us, and we approached cautiously and sat down in the grass by the side of the road to watch. We must have sat there for a good half-hour as they grazed, every once in a while looking up at us with curiosity, sometimes one or two of them even approaching a bit closer, as though they were trying to figure us out. Jeff and I sat there quietly watching them, trying not to move too much. I thought of how the people in those graves, their bodies were decomposing and going back into the soil, and that soil nourished the grasses that now these deer were feeding on - and the deer so young, five young bucks moving together, there antlers still growing and soft with the sensitive velvet full of blood vessels and nerve endings that make them too fragile and delicate the spar with just yet. There must be something poetic in that.... but it was enough to sit there and watch, and to feel myself making eye contact with those graceful golden animals in the later afternoon sun as they gazed back at me.

Eventually, one of them came close enough that he must have gotten a whiff of our human smell, because suddenly he snorted and stalked back away a bit. The others perked up their ears and all gazed directly at us for a few minutes. Then the same buck snorted again, and then a third time, and haphazardly all five danced off together farther back away from the path and towards the woods again. Not in a rush, but just moving on. One turned back and came towards us several yards again in evident curiosity, but the buck who'd snorted came up behind him as though to watch or warn, and after both of them gazing at us for a minute longer to see if we would follow, both turned back and bounded after the others.

After that, we stood up again and walked on through the rest of the huge cemetery, where it felt so peaceful and empty and quiet. I guess not many people come through there - it's not like it's a park or anything, really, though it backs up to the park. I always imagined cemeteries to be gloomy and sad, but this one was peaceful and lovely, all the graves tended to, families grouped together and occasionally some large monument or beautiful statue or column among the scattered trees. We headed to dinner, then home again, at which point I started my Flamekeeping shift right around sundown.

Though I was still feeling tired (or maybe because I was feeling tired), I decided to do a full circle casting to open and close my ritual tonight. I declared peace to the four directions, then wove the circle with the three elements, then afterwards invited in the energies of the four elements and directions. I spoke the Bond of Druids or Gorsedd prayer, and then did a Three Realms working to connect to the energies of sea, sky and land. By this time, I felt deeply grounded and awake to the current running through me, and I directed that energy into my small pitcher of water, which I charged and then poured as a libation into the blue star fire bowl with the small gold floating candle in it (already lit), marking the center of the rite and opening the gateway. When I parted my hands during the last verse of the prayer to open the gateway, I could feel them buzzing with energy, and from then on during the ritual I felt this deep-pitched ringing or humming in my ears and a profound sense of presence that I haven't often felt in ritual recently. After opening the gateway, I sang my Lady of Star Fire chant as an invitation to Brighid, then hummed the other traditional folk song to her that I know (though I forget the name and can't pronounce the words in Irish Gaelic) while lighting the main Flamekeeping candle and charging up my Brighid's Cross pendant to wear.

After that, I sat in silent prayer for a while, thanking Brighid for her presence in my life and simply sitting with my gratitude. I let her know that I was stressed about the wedding, but so utterly grateful to her for her role in bringing Jeff and I together. I thanked her for all the blessings she's bestowed on me and promised to heed her lessons and do my best to work in her service, even during times when I felt cut off from her. This whole time while in prayer, I felt so close to her, as though surrounded by her embrace or protected all around by her mantle. Finally, I ended my prayers and used my Shadowscape Tarot deck to draw three cards in response to the question, "What lessons do you have for me that I might serve you better?" The cards I drew were, from left to right: Four of Cups, Six of Pentacles, Ace of Swords. (I have some initial impressions on what they might mean, but I want to ponder them more and write a bit about them tomorrow.) To end my ritual, I performed my peace meditation using the Druid Prayer for Peace, and then thanked the four directions and elements, un-wove the circle and ended the rite.

Tomorrow I plan to do some wedding related work along with Jeff - mostly, finishing writing the ceremony, weaving the handfasting cord and then blessing the cord and rings. I'll probably want to do a full ritual with cast circle for that process. I'm hoping I'll get a sounder sleep tonight, especially after such a long walk today. But right now it's getting late, so I'll wrap this up.