Diary - Brighid, Lady of the Stars

Sun: leo (fixed fire), 6:35 AM - 8:11 PM
Moon: waning gibbous, taurus (fixed earth)
Earth: cool and bright this morning, though the air is thick with mist lying low in the grassy valleys of the park

A reader of my website asked me to elaborate on my relationship with Brighid as a stellar goddess. This is what I wrote in response:

S--,

That is a great question - in both senses of the word! It's a really good one, and it's also a really BIG one! :) I'll do my best to answer it briefly here, and I also have an "about the gods" post coming up in my 30 Days of Druidry meme where I'll probably touch on it a bit more.

My relationship with Brighid is very mutable and seems to always be in flux, but one thing that has remained consistent is my connection with her "darker" aspect. Lady Gregory described the goddess as having a face that was one half fair and beautiful, and one half dark and ugly. Up until then, I'd only ever read about her "light" aspect, her connection with fertility and inspiration and the sacred fire in all its various manifestations. When I read that line by Lady Gregory, though, suddenly something "clicked" for me, and Brighid as a goddess became suddenly much more complex and compelling to me. This relationship between light and dark mingling and rubbing up against one another creates that liminal space that is so much associated with Brighid - especially the saint, who was born at dawn on the threshold of the doorway, a daughter of a Druid chief and a Christian slave who grew up to become the most powerful saint in Ireland, even more than St. Patrick, as well as the first and only female bishop (so the legends go).

The goddess, too, has these liminal light-and-dark aspects in her lore. As one of the Tuatha dé Danann, she was a goddess of light, order and civilization. Yet in the wake of the war between the Tuatha dé and the Fomorians, she marries Bres, King of the Fomorians (and half-Tuatha dé himself) in an attempt to make peace and forge an alliance between the warring sides. Together, they have a son, who is later killed in battle as a result of a betrayal, and Brighid wails for him in grief - the first keening that was ever heard in Ireland. So here you have these deep connections between light and dark, joy and sorrow, peace and war, in the mythology surrounding her, and over and over she occupies a liminal position or place between the two. I think this is what Lady Gregory meant by saying her face was half light and half dark. As for the saint, it was said that St. Brighid was amazingly beautiful, but she was committed to becoming a nun with the church and did not want to marry, so to avoid a suitor she gouged out one of her eyes in order to make herself ugly, so that her face became literally half beautiful and half grotesque (afterwards, she restored her own eye in an act of miraculous healing). I think this story from the saint, as well as some of the lore surrounding Brighid as a goddess, shows her willingness to "go dark" when a higher purpose calls for it. It reminds me of a poem by Wendell Berry:

To go in the dark with a light is to know the light.
To know the dark, go dark. Go without sight,
and find that the dark, too, blooms and sings,
and is traveled by dark feet and dark wings.

So all of that is the basis of my view of Brighid in the lore, which you probably already mostly knew already! My personal relationship with her, beginning with that realization of her darker aspect, has consistently included an understanding of her as sometimes swinging between these light and dark sides. My first most powerful direct experience of her presence was during a time when I was traveling, feeling ungrounded and lonely and cut off - I was sitting in a hotel room alone at night watching the rain fall steadily in an unfamiliar city, and I saw the lights of the city reflected in the water and had an overwhelming sense of her presence as this vast, deep awareness that was so.... big that she passed over me like I was a speck of dust caught up on the hem of her mantle. She wasn't just "represented" by the light in the water, she was the light in the water, and so in that way she was absolutely everywhere, she was a natural force that was utterly enduring and changeable, no matter what came and went she would be there in some form or another.

For a while, then, my relationship with her involved the more common light-focused aspects of sacred fire and solar energies. I began keeping her flame with a Brighidine Cill and working with her creative energies as poet. But I was rarely able to connect with her other two traditional roles - the healer, and the smith. Then late last fall, I was in conversation with some others in the Cill about her various aspects, and someone brought up the work of smithcraft and the forge as a place of creation and transformation. I forget exactly how it happened, but through the conversation and the "lobbing of lightbulbs" back and forth, we began to collectively come to an understanding of Brighid as a kind of primordial creatrix figure.

I guess one way to think about it is that her aspect as a solar deity kind of "withdrew" into a far distance and her darker aspect once again asserted itself. "To know the dark, go dark" - associations with the dark heat of the forge, with its noise and steam and sweat and dull ember glow, out of which springs suddenly the spark of light as the hammer strikes the metal on the anvil.... all these were images we came to understand were an aspect of her connection with the stars, those far distant suns that were only pinpricks of light, but that stemmed from a "big bang" in the primordial past, the same that gave birth to our own sun. The metaphor of "fire in the water" has some deep connections in the Celtic worldview with the basic stuff of creation and creativity - and this was not only reflected in the creative process of poetry (the spark of inspiration in the "watery" realm of emotions), but also the hot springs of healing and the blacksmith's process of tempering metal using both fire and water to achieve the sharpest edge. The stars themselves are like sparks of light in the vast ocean of night. They are inconceivably far away, and yet their light reaches us steadily, so reliably that they have shaped our understanding of the very structure of the universe (through both astrology and modern astronomy) and have been used for centuries as guides for sailors navigating on the sea with no stable landmark to follow. In this way, stars are themselves in a kind of liminal space and they draw us into that space as well when we gaze on them. Unlike the moon (which can sometimes seem so big that it's almost right on top of you!), the stars on a moonless night seem to exert their own kind of gravity. I've spent nights star-gazing on top of Mount Cadillac, the tallest mountain on the eastern seaboard, and more than once have felt that giddy vertigo of suddenly feeling the earth as a tiny speck of dust in the vastness of space, a speck too small to hold me down. Because the stars are so far away, and yet so present to us through their endless, self-giving light, they seem to pull us into this place suspended between intimacy and mystery.

So when I talk about Brighid's "stellar" aspect, this is a little bit of what I mean. I see Brighid primarily as a celestial deity - a Shining One, a being of the heavens, of sky and space. As a celestial deity, her "light" aspect is expressed through her role as a solar goddess, a goddess of the sun and the fires here on earth that we have the most connection and relationship with. But she is also a stellar goddess in her "dark" aspect, in which the light itself retreats into the surrounding darkness and becomes hardly more than the pinpricks of the stars, yet still with all the same power and mystery about it. In both senses, she has this liminal quality to her, and there is often overlap. (As a goddess of the dawn, she strides between night and day, with not only the rising sun but also the "morning star" of Venus as companions!)

So I hope that answers your question at least a little bit. :) This is still a relationship that I'm exploring, and like I said, it swings between light and dark for me quite a bit. Over the winter, her stellar aspect was especially strong for me, whereas in spring and early summer her solar/fire aspect was much more powerful and present to me. Now I seem to be in a place of balance in my relationship with her (and this is partly due, I think, to my evolving relationship with Manannan, Son of the Sea).... So, we'll see. :)

--Ali

Brighid and Poetry

A post I made on TC in the Cauldron Cill SIG, where folks were discussing Brighid's connections to poetry in response to this quote:

I'm with Juni in interpreting the concept of poetry to include all learning, education, wisdom, and arts. From what we know about the ancient Celts, poetry was mostly the domain of the druids, and so much of their learning and teaching was wrapped up in poetry.

So, for me, when I think about poetry in the context of Brighid, I think of learning, education, and wisdom, as well as written poems and other kinds of creative writing. And even performing arts. (Dance = "poetry in motion")

I tend to take a broad view like this of all of Brighid's traditional associations. Healing is so much more than curing an individual's physical illness or injury. Smithcraft can encompass many kinds of shaping, creating, joining together, etc. That's how I arrived at the idea of Brighid as a "patron" of social justice and advocacy. Advocates look at the parts of society that are broken and work to fix them through joining with other groups, forming coalitions, and developing better policies and laws. That process includes -- in a metaphorical sense -- healing (fixing society problems), smithcraft (building coalitions and creating policy), and poetry (learning about problems, educating the public and policy-makers about issues and solutions, crafting legislation and supporting material).

I couldn't figure out what to quote from your post, Aster, because all of it seems to relate really well to what I was going to write!

I've been thinking a lot about Brighid's triple character. (Cosmological tangent: So, for me, Brighid has different... levels (eh, I don't like that word but it's the best I can do right now). At one level, she embodies a kind of polarity or duality, fire and water, light and dark intermingling. At another level, she has this triple aspect or character, that for me is related somewhat to the three Druidic elements (nwyfre, gwyar and calas, which I think of as force, flow and form) and the three realms (land, sea, sky). These aspects find expression in the "ten thousand things" of the natural world, human culture and experience, etc., but they also lead back to or are a part of an original Mystery of creativity or unity as well, giving her a kind of primordial/cosmic nature. Sorry if this doesn't make any sense... I'm only just beginning to articulate it.) So - where was I? Oh yeah! In thinking about Brighid's triple character, I see poetry, healing and smithcraft as kind of metaphors or symbols of three broader aspects: inspiration, integration and transformation.

For me, poetry is a symbol of inspiration. Inspiration is like the sudden spark of insight or vision, the in-breath of spirit or deity into our lives. It can be completely disruptive and transgressive, coming in and tearing down our assumptions about how the world works and how things fit together. I think the best poems are the ones that juxtapose radically different ideas or images, that play with the sound and meanings of words in ways that allow us to see and hear them in completely new ways. In modern poetry (in a literate society like ours), another defining feature of a poem is often its structure or format on the page - it's set off in verses and stanzas, so that the white, empty space of the page makes a kind of frame around it and sets it off as something special, not just ordinary prose. Oral performances of poetry are a kind of performance art themselves, in which the voice of the poet weaves a vision out of surrounding silence for those who are listening. This is like inspiration - it can come unexpectedly out of an empty sky!

So when I think about Brighid's aspect as patron of poetry, I think of it in this broader sense - whatever is inspiring and allows us to see things in radically new ways. Music, art, storytelling, education and learning all fall under that aspect to a certain extent.

But I also see inspiration - because it is something radically different, something that can seem to come from "outside" ourselves - as being part of a process, and integration and transformation are the two other aspects of that process. With the in-breath of divine inspiration, we're left with a rift in our old worldview that requires us to seek healing (even if only metaphorically), so that we can establish a new sense of wholeness or completeness that now includes the insight or vision we've gained from inspiration. When we find that new wholeness or integration for ourselves, we can then bring that vision out into the world around us - we become active participants in transformation, changing and shaping others. When we do this, though, we are actually creating new opportunities for inspiration - we bring something new and unique to others that might become a spark for them, and we also will face new challenges that will be new sources of inspiration for ourselves, so there's a cycle or process there that feeds itself.

Inspiration that isn't followed by healing and integration, on the other hand, can lead to madness. I think that's why there's such a strong link between poetry and madness in Celtic mythology, with divinely inspired poets and seers being driven mad and fleeing society to live in the wilderness among the wild beasts. It's almost as though the vision and insight of divine inspiration breaks open the ordinary human mind.... and maybe spending time in solitude out in the wilds is actually one way of coping with the necessary process of healing and becoming whole again (especially if you're seeking a wholeness which remains open and doesn't require you to shut back down, which I think sometimes living in "civilized society" with its laws and restrictions and social boundaries can cause people to do).

Anyway, so that's my rambling. :) I don't know if it was helpful or not... I tend to think that anything that helps us break open our expectations of the world and inspire new insights into how things are and how we fit into it all is an expression of Brighid's "poetic" side. :)

Diary - Flamekeeping

Days of Note: Flamekeeping starts at sundown, Full Claim Song Moon

Sun: leo (fixed fire), 6:28 AM - 8:22 PM
Moon: *full moon, aquarius (fixed air)
Earth: perfect day of nearly cloudless clear skies and gentle sunlight, a relief from the heat and humidity of recent weeks, almost a hint of the autumn weather to come next month and later


At around 4:30 PM this afternoon, Jeff ended work early to go for an extended walk through the woods. The last couple days have been blissfully gorgeous weather, the sunlight golden and the air gentle and cool, lightened from the heat and humidity that have been weighing it down so much in recent weeks. Unfortunately, pain in my legs due to stress (and possibly low vitamins) have kept me sleepless for about three or four nights running now, and this morning I was overwhelmed with worries about the wedding next month and was awake at 5 AM sobbing and angry, so the day began roughly and I was still feeling utterly drained and unfocused even by the afternoon.

Our walk seemed to help that a great deal. We went for a very long walk through Frick Park, down the Upper Riverview Trail, then the Falls Ravine Trail, then left up what I think is called Biddle Trail that passes underneath Forbes and comes out at the far northern end of the park. We went all this way, then turned and followed the wide road that wound down again into the cemetery. Just as we were entering the cemetery - towards the back end, where huge fields of military graves marked with small, sun- and rain-faded flags and sometimes flowers meet up with the edge of the woods - we were stopped in our tracks by four, and then five young bucks moving cautiously out of the underbrush of the wood and into the open fields among the graves to graze in the shade of a large oak tree. They were only twenty or thirty yards from us, and we approached cautiously and sat down in the grass by the side of the road to watch. We must have sat there for a good half-hour as they grazed, every once in a while looking up at us with curiosity, sometimes one or two of them even approaching a bit closer, as though they were trying to figure us out. Jeff and I sat there quietly watching them, trying not to move too much. I thought of how the people in those graves, their bodies were decomposing and going back into the soil, and that soil nourished the grasses that now these deer were feeding on - and the deer so young, five young bucks moving together, there antlers still growing and soft with the sensitive velvet full of blood vessels and nerve endings that make them too fragile and delicate the spar with just yet. There must be something poetic in that.... but it was enough to sit there and watch, and to feel myself making eye contact with those graceful golden animals in the later afternoon sun as they gazed back at me.

Eventually, one of them came close enough that he must have gotten a whiff of our human smell, because suddenly he snorted and stalked back away a bit. The others perked up their ears and all gazed directly at us for a few minutes. Then the same buck snorted again, and then a third time, and haphazardly all five danced off together farther back away from the path and towards the woods again. Not in a rush, but just moving on. One turned back and came towards us several yards again in evident curiosity, but the buck who'd snorted came up behind him as though to watch or warn, and after both of them gazing at us for a minute longer to see if we would follow, both turned back and bounded after the others.

After that, we stood up again and walked on through the rest of the huge cemetery, where it felt so peaceful and empty and quiet. I guess not many people come through there - it's not like it's a park or anything, really, though it backs up to the park. I always imagined cemeteries to be gloomy and sad, but this one was peaceful and lovely, all the graves tended to, families grouped together and occasionally some large monument or beautiful statue or column among the scattered trees. We headed to dinner, then home again, at which point I started my Flamekeeping shift right around sundown.

Though I was still feeling tired (or maybe because I was feeling tired), I decided to do a full circle casting to open and close my ritual tonight. I declared peace to the four directions, then wove the circle with the three elements, then afterwards invited in the energies of the four elements and directions. I spoke the Bond of Druids or Gorsedd prayer, and then did a Three Realms working to connect to the energies of sea, sky and land. By this time, I felt deeply grounded and awake to the current running through me, and I directed that energy into my small pitcher of water, which I charged and then poured as a libation into the blue star fire bowl with the small gold floating candle in it (already lit), marking the center of the rite and opening the gateway. When I parted my hands during the last verse of the prayer to open the gateway, I could feel them buzzing with energy, and from then on during the ritual I felt this deep-pitched ringing or humming in my ears and a profound sense of presence that I haven't often felt in ritual recently. After opening the gateway, I sang my Lady of Star Fire chant as an invitation to Brighid, then hummed the other traditional folk song to her that I know (though I forget the name and can't pronounce the words in Irish Gaelic) while lighting the main Flamekeeping candle and charging up my Brighid's Cross pendant to wear.

After that, I sat in silent prayer for a while, thanking Brighid for her presence in my life and simply sitting with my gratitude. I let her know that I was stressed about the wedding, but so utterly grateful to her for her role in bringing Jeff and I together. I thanked her for all the blessings she's bestowed on me and promised to heed her lessons and do my best to work in her service, even during times when I felt cut off from her. This whole time while in prayer, I felt so close to her, as though surrounded by her embrace or protected all around by her mantle. Finally, I ended my prayers and used my Shadowscape Tarot deck to draw three cards in response to the question, "What lessons do you have for me that I might serve you better?" The cards I drew were, from left to right: Four of Cups, Six of Pentacles, Ace of Swords. (I have some initial impressions on what they might mean, but I want to ponder them more and write a bit about them tomorrow.) To end my ritual, I performed my peace meditation using the Druid Prayer for Peace, and then thanked the four directions and elements, un-wove the circle and ended the rite.

Tomorrow I plan to do some wedding related work along with Jeff - mostly, finishing writing the ceremony, weaving the handfasting cord and then blessing the cord and rings. I'll probably want to do a full ritual with cast circle for that process. I'm hoping I'll get a sounder sleep tonight, especially after such a long walk today. But right now it's getting late, so I'll wrap this up.

End of Month Letter to Mentor

Hi, B--,

Another end-of-the-month letter for you, though this one's a bit late. Much of this month was taken up with work concerns, as Jeff and I have received news that there may be some major changes to our job situation coming up in the next several weeks. It looks like it will mostly be good stuff, but the uncertainty and secrecy surrounding the situation has us feeling rather frazzled and stressed, all things considered.

That said, I did still continue my Druidic work (though sadly, little of it was related to the DOTR lessons - which I've decided to basically set aside until after our wedding and honeymoon).

I spent the early part of July reflecting on a lot of interfaith issues after attending the progressive Christian-focused Wild Goose Festival at the end of June. This led to some really good discussion with Jeff, and it seems to be a theme for the month since a bit later in the month there was the whole issue with the fundamentalist Christian prayer campaign that prompted some rather intolerant responses among Pagans and some controversy around a post that I wrote.

An online Pagan forum I frequent, The Cauldron, upgraded its forum software and so I spent a good amount of time participating in some "re-introduction" threads where we talked a lot about going back to some of our most basic ideas about our paths and practices (those are included in my diary). As a result of this "back to basics" writing, I renewed my commitment to my Flamekeeping. Though I'd been keeping Brighid's flame regularly already, I often didn't do much beyond a simple lighting and smooring ceremony to open and close my shifts. This past month, I made sure to set aside some extended time for meditation and creative work during my shifts in addition to the opening and closing rituals, which worked really well.

I've continued my shamanic/trance work that I began last month, exploring more deeply and cultivating my relationship with my spirit animal, Badger. I've purchased a small rim drum that I've been practicing with as an aid to my trance work (though learning to play has been slow going) and in the meantime I downloaded a few different mp3 recordings of trance drumming that I can use (including one especially for Badger). During my last Flamekeeping shift, I dedicated my shift to finding and dedicating a "Badger Stone" to be a "home" and idol on my altar for Badger. During dusk just as my Flamekeeping shift was beginning, I went hillwalking in slight trance with the intention of finding an appropriate stone; then the following day, I cleansed and blessed the stone and painted on it an image of Badger. After completing the work, I left offerings of chocolate and beer outside. That work seemed to go very well and the stone came out better than I expected.

Jeff and I also started a podcast during this month, Dining with Druids (http://diningdruids.wordpress.com/), in which we talk about the news and politics of the day and how it relates to our spiritual lives. We have a lot of fun recording it, and it seems to be pretty well liked by listeners. Getting a handle on the sound equipment and post-production tech stuff was a bit of a challenge, but I think we've got it fairly well worked out now.

At the last minute, we were called away on a business trip at the end of July, so that we ended up being up in Massachusetts right around Lughnasadh. We were able to stop by and visit our friends Cat and Peter (who are Quaker Pagans) for a couple days, and we had the wonderful opportunity to celebrate Lammas with the two of them, along with Penny and Michael Novak, on that Saturday evening (July 30). It was a simple, somewhat improvised ritual in their backyard next to their garden, where we made propitiatory offerings of locks of hair (which we tossed into the fire), as well as beer and a plate of food (which we brought out into the woods behind their house) before settling down to a meal of fresh, local corn and homemade bread and other delicious produce grown right in their own garden. Afterwards, we wove symbols out of the corn husks to offer to the fire, that the smoke would carry our requests for blessings to the gods. It was very beautiful and touching to be able to celebrate with them. Plus, it was fantastic to be able to engage in conversation with people who have been so deeply involved in the evolving Pagan community for so many decades!

Today Jeff and I have the opportunity to attend the ADF Lughnasadh rite and festival later this afternoon.... but it's still up in the air if we will or not. We're both pretty worn out and exhausted and this is our first kids-free, travel-free weekend we've had to ourselves in months. So we're inclined to just spend some quiet time at home. I would like to attend a Druidic-flavored Lughnasadh ritual, of course, but most years I'm on vacation with my family during this week, and so I usually don't have a chance to celebrate Lughnasadh and it doesn't have as much personal meaning for me as some of the others do. This time of year, especially when we're in the middle of some long, hot, muggy days, I think it's more helpful for my sanity to focus on relaxation and respite!

So that's what I've been up to over the past month. August is already turning out to be pretty busy, and September is going to be wedding and honeymoon stuff mostly (so I may not have a chance to write a summary letter for the next two months). We're honeymooning out west in Zion National Park, where we'll be camping in the desert (which has a lot of spiritual significance for both Jeff and me), so maybe I'll be able to write something up about that once we get home!

Blessings,
Ali

P.S. I forgot, I've also started that "30 Days of Druidry" creative writing project that I mentioned on the DOTR forum a little while back. I'm posting those to my website, if you're interested in reading them.