Days of Note: Full Moon
Sun: capricorn (earth/cardinal), on the cusp of aquarius (air/fixed); 7:39am - 5:22pm
Moon: **full moon, leo (fire/fixed)
Earth: slightly colder than yesterday, gray and rainy all day with snow-mix for a little while in the afternoon
Thoughts: in the morning, mostly distracted by discomfort, so indulged in some "TV" watching while Jeff worked; also poked around some blogs, which got me thinking about Celtic mythology and the role of the hero as an epitome of warriorhood versus a role model to follow; later in the day, thinking a lot about wedding themes and Pagan aspects of ritual as I wrote the letter to our potential officiant; then also doing research into the meaning and symbolism of the woods and stones used in my engagement ring
Actions: woke up in some pain and was lazy for a good half of the day, finally feeling up to getting go by early afternoon (before that, spend time poking around on blogs); after lunch, tackling Wedding Wednesday, I printed out and took care of the caterer contract, and got that in the mail along with the few remaining Save the Date cards that I'd been unable to send out with the first round; then buckled down to writing a very lengthy email to our potential officiant, asking for details about fees to do our wedding and also talking about some of our ideas for different themes and actions we'd like to incorporate; also sent an email to the one florist we're looking at who uses a lot of local, sustainably-grown flowers for their arrangements; after dinner, spent a few more hours typing up an incredibly long (and probably overly sentimental) post about my awesome engagement ring
Connections: a pretty focused and productive day, despite the late start; feeling good about what I accomplished, but ready for a rest and a return to more mundane work tomorrow; very glad Jeff and I put our foot down about watching too much Buffy in the evenings, as it was eating up way too much time and filling us with hyper energy right before bed (it's a great show, yes, but too much of a good thing, as they say)
Daily Tarot Card: The Knight of Cups is the romantic and idealist on a quest for his dreams. His pure spirit shines with both innocence and energy, animating and churning his emotions as he pursues his desires, following the lead of his heart and imagination. As a suit connected with intuition and the unconscious, the Knight of this card seeks the mysteries of love and connection, shining with golden light and promising the fulfillment of union. However, because the knight can also be brash and over-eager, there is a certain amount of tension in this card as well, a warning of over-romanticism that stems from an irrational or unrealistic engagement with life, a carelessness about the results of our quest for our ideals and dreams. Still, his steed arises from the depths of the ocean, a unicorn born of sea foam, and he rides with ease towards that which he pursues. Over all, this card is encouraging, revealing the possibility for not only tension, but also balance between the "masculine" energies of activity and initiative and the "feminine" energies of emotion and dream.
Showing posts with label capricorn. Show all posts
Showing posts with label capricorn. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Daily Diary
Sun: capricorn (earth/cardinal), 7:40am - 5:21pm
Moon: *full moon, cancer (water/cardinal)
Earth: slightly warmer today, in the low 40s, beginning sunny and leading into drizzle of rain this afternoon and evening
Thoughts: worn out this morning from a restless night (and Jeff snoring a bit); thoughts mostly on things to get done around the house and in general enjoying the freedom and not worrying too much about deadlines or pressure, especially when it comes to my writing
Actions: sluggish morning, after getting the contract for the wedding photographer in the mail, and spent a bit of time on the phone with my dad in the morning; spent much of the day on contractor work (which went well - some days it's easy to spend hours and hours on that work, whereas other days it just seems to drag painfully); went through Facebook and deleted a bunch of I-don't-actually-know-these-people "friends" to slim down the FB burden (already thankful for that decision); this evening, ran out to Lowes to finally get the filter for the heater in the basement and some window cling-film to help insulate the windows, hopefully; now relaxing, taking it easy
Connections: thoughts mostly on work related stuff and otherwise feeling very tired and drained (but in a happy-fuzzy fatigued way, which is nice for a change); recap from the past two days: Sunday was rough, very tired and a bit achey, did Savanah's lesson (write up on its way) and got some consultant work in, as well as extensive conversations on the phone with both Mom and Dad about wedding stuff and catching up on life; yesterday, Jeff and I took the "day off" to do cleaning and housework, made a trip out to IKEA to get those bookshelves that were a Christmas present from my parents, plus a corner shelf for the bedroom made possible by Dan's Christmas cash gift; so now yesterday and today, despite feeling very tired, also feeling very pleased with how the bedroom is looking and finally being able to set out some of my altar items and other décor pieces; last night, did a house-cleansing spell with Jeff that went simply and beautifully (using spring water, salt and rosemary, along with a "housewarming" candle we've had for more than a year, tucked away, that we got way back at Journeys); so definitely feeling the good, happy vibes there; now just hoping the filter for the heater can fix this weird smell we've been experiencing lately....
Daily Tarot Card: The Seven of Wands is a card of paradox and can be difficult to interpret. For the most part, this card symbolizes both the good and the bad that results from our actions: there is the thrill of challenge and the courage and strength to rise to those challenges and meet them with success, while at the same time, an acknowledgement that much of the strife and struggle we are encountering may have been stirred up by our own actions, choices and initiatives. This card depicts and mother fox defending her kits from an intruder: a noble and worthy cause that calls for the courage and strength to stand her ground for her beliefs and her love, yet were it not for these kits, offspring of her own (pro)creative drives and previous actions, she might have been able to avoid this confrontation altogether. A card that signifies the relationship between our actions and their effects on us: we may discover, as a result of our choices, that challenges await us and we must be on our guard and prepared for them - yet, these very challenges may help us develop our strengths and discover our courage, to build our character in response to adversity.
Moon: *full moon, cancer (water/cardinal)
Earth: slightly warmer today, in the low 40s, beginning sunny and leading into drizzle of rain this afternoon and evening
Thoughts: worn out this morning from a restless night (and Jeff snoring a bit); thoughts mostly on things to get done around the house and in general enjoying the freedom and not worrying too much about deadlines or pressure, especially when it comes to my writing
Actions: sluggish morning, after getting the contract for the wedding photographer in the mail, and spent a bit of time on the phone with my dad in the morning; spent much of the day on contractor work (which went well - some days it's easy to spend hours and hours on that work, whereas other days it just seems to drag painfully); went through Facebook and deleted a bunch of I-don't-actually-know-these-people "friends" to slim down the FB burden (already thankful for that decision); this evening, ran out to Lowes to finally get the filter for the heater in the basement and some window cling-film to help insulate the windows, hopefully; now relaxing, taking it easy
Connections: thoughts mostly on work related stuff and otherwise feeling very tired and drained (but in a happy-fuzzy fatigued way, which is nice for a change); recap from the past two days: Sunday was rough, very tired and a bit achey, did Savanah's lesson (write up on its way) and got some consultant work in, as well as extensive conversations on the phone with both Mom and Dad about wedding stuff and catching up on life; yesterday, Jeff and I took the "day off" to do cleaning and housework, made a trip out to IKEA to get those bookshelves that were a Christmas present from my parents, plus a corner shelf for the bedroom made possible by Dan's Christmas cash gift; so now yesterday and today, despite feeling very tired, also feeling very pleased with how the bedroom is looking and finally being able to set out some of my altar items and other décor pieces; last night, did a house-cleansing spell with Jeff that went simply and beautifully (using spring water, salt and rosemary, along with a "housewarming" candle we've had for more than a year, tucked away, that we got way back at Journeys); so definitely feeling the good, happy vibes there; now just hoping the filter for the heater can fix this weird smell we've been experiencing lately....
Daily Tarot Card: The Seven of Wands is a card of paradox and can be difficult to interpret. For the most part, this card symbolizes both the good and the bad that results from our actions: there is the thrill of challenge and the courage and strength to rise to those challenges and meet them with success, while at the same time, an acknowledgement that much of the strife and struggle we are encountering may have been stirred up by our own actions, choices and initiatives. This card depicts and mother fox defending her kits from an intruder: a noble and worthy cause that calls for the courage and strength to stand her ground for her beliefs and her love, yet were it not for these kits, offspring of her own (pro)creative drives and previous actions, she might have been able to avoid this confrontation altogether. A card that signifies the relationship between our actions and their effects on us: we may discover, as a result of our choices, that challenges await us and we must be on our guard and prepared for them - yet, these very challenges may help us develop our strengths and discover our courage, to build our character in response to adversity.
Labels:
*,
capricorn,
diary,
full moon,
tarot - 7 wands,
tarot - wands,
winter
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Daily Diary
Sun: capricorn (earth/cardinal), 7:41am - 5:18pm
Moon: *waxing gibbous, gemini (air/mutable)
Earth: gray and cold all day, some "wintery mix" among the clouds
Thoughts: started the day with a bad dream about having my arms chopped off; spent some time thinking about my "internet persona" and all those issues; overall, though, mostly focused on contractor work
Actions: in the morning, poked around online trying to put off actual work; replied to a commenter on my recent blog post over at P+P; put up some pictures on the wedding blog; when Jeff took the kids to Phipps for lunch and some fun, I buckled down to contractor work and basically spent the rest of the day hunkered down plowing through that stuff; after wrapping that up this evening after dinner, I spent about two hours finally finishing the last part of my "long goodbye" series for my Meadowsweet blog, and posted it
Connections: feeling worn out and drained, but otherwise pretty good; I do think I'm feeling a bit freer now than I was before and, with a good night's sleep, I'm hoping my optimism will be returning soon
Daily Tarot Card: The Moon (XVIII) A card of dreams, fantasies and the unconscious, the unmasking of truth as can be seen sometimes only in the half-shadowy light of the moon at night. Sometimes a card indicating anxiety and even fear, the powerful urges arising from the unconscious may be harnessed and integrated through creative and artistic work. As a card of the major arcana, there is also a hint in this card that the forces of the unconscious may well up unbidden in unexpected ways, causing an unsettled period during which emotions run high and life may seem unpredictable, strange, even eerie.
Moon: *waxing gibbous, gemini (air/mutable)
Earth: gray and cold all day, some "wintery mix" among the clouds
Thoughts: started the day with a bad dream about having my arms chopped off; spent some time thinking about my "internet persona" and all those issues; overall, though, mostly focused on contractor work
Actions: in the morning, poked around online trying to put off actual work; replied to a commenter on my recent blog post over at P+P; put up some pictures on the wedding blog; when Jeff took the kids to Phipps for lunch and some fun, I buckled down to contractor work and basically spent the rest of the day hunkered down plowing through that stuff; after wrapping that up this evening after dinner, I spent about two hours finally finishing the last part of my "long goodbye" series for my Meadowsweet blog, and posted it
Connections: feeling worn out and drained, but otherwise pretty good; I do think I'm feeling a bit freer now than I was before and, with a good night's sleep, I'm hoping my optimism will be returning soon
Daily Tarot Card: The Moon (XVIII) A card of dreams, fantasies and the unconscious, the unmasking of truth as can be seen sometimes only in the half-shadowy light of the moon at night. Sometimes a card indicating anxiety and even fear, the powerful urges arising from the unconscious may be harnessed and integrated through creative and artistic work. As a card of the major arcana, there is also a hint in this card that the forces of the unconscious may well up unbidden in unexpected ways, causing an unsettled period during which emotions run high and life may seem unpredictable, strange, even eerie.
Labels:
*,
capricorn,
diary,
major arcana,
tarot - moon,
waxing gibbous,
winter
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Daily Diary
Sun: capricorn (earth/cardinal), 7:42am - 5:16pm
Moon: first quarter, taurus (earth/fixed)
Earth: cold, down below freezing, gray with steady snow all day (for the past couple days), it looks quite picturesque, especially when the sun is low enough on the horizon during early morning or late afternoon to slip in under the clouds and give everything that slightly warm, shining silver glow to it
Thoughts: been a while since I updated the daily diary - to recap, I was very drained and headachey (possibly actually sick, though I'm still not sure) for a few days after the new year, and then Jeff and I packed up to go down to North Carolina for the OBX Wedding Expo (I can fill you in on those details later); today, very much wanted to get out of bed early along with Jeff but just couldn't bring myself to overcome to fatigue; instead, spent some time in a half-awake state brainstorming some ideas for a story I'm working on, made some helpful breakthroughs, I think; had a smaller anxiety attack about money this morning, as there's yet another medical bill coming our way and there's news that because Jeff's company is doing so well, they're now coming to the attention of some folks who might try to either sue them or buy them out (or both), which means our future's a bit uncertain (though at the same time, it's really good to hear the company's doing that well, and they are taking precautions against a lawsuit); oddly, later in the afternoon, I felt better and more energetic, motivated
Actions: slept in a bit too late this morning, then had the minor money freakout; wrote to my dad to ask advice about wedding stuff and home finances, and felt better afterwards; after lunch, worked a really good hunk of time doing some consultant work (first in more than a week - where does the time go?!); had a good dinner and enjoyed some episodes of Buffy and X-Files with Jeff; afterwards, while Jeff spent some time in meditation, I unpacked a few spare boxes of clothes and organized the closet space in the hallway and bedroom
Connections: feeling really good about how the house is coming along; as we get more organized, it's easier to find a place for everything, which drastically reduces the clutter (and thus, my stress level); I also feel gratified to get some work in and feel that I can contribute (now that we got the whole invoice thing sorted out, hopefully money will be coming in on a regular basis, instead of in infrequent but large lump sums)
Daily Tarot Card: The Ten of Pentacles is a card of fulfillment and enjoyment, especially of earthly pleasures and joys, as well as of material prosperity and financial stability. Yet there is also a spiritual dimension to this card, which expresses itself through the patterned work and form of art and aesthetics and the simple, genuine gratitude and generosity that comes from enjoying your place in the world and feeling connected with all those around you. Tradition, structure and form provide the latticework for the movement and exchange of spirit and its generosity; this is a card of culmination and great happiness that is borne of hard work and commitment, shared with all.
Moon: first quarter, taurus (earth/fixed)
Earth: cold, down below freezing, gray with steady snow all day (for the past couple days), it looks quite picturesque, especially when the sun is low enough on the horizon during early morning or late afternoon to slip in under the clouds and give everything that slightly warm, shining silver glow to it
Thoughts: been a while since I updated the daily diary - to recap, I was very drained and headachey (possibly actually sick, though I'm still not sure) for a few days after the new year, and then Jeff and I packed up to go down to North Carolina for the OBX Wedding Expo (I can fill you in on those details later); today, very much wanted to get out of bed early along with Jeff but just couldn't bring myself to overcome to fatigue; instead, spent some time in a half-awake state brainstorming some ideas for a story I'm working on, made some helpful breakthroughs, I think; had a smaller anxiety attack about money this morning, as there's yet another medical bill coming our way and there's news that because Jeff's company is doing so well, they're now coming to the attention of some folks who might try to either sue them or buy them out (or both), which means our future's a bit uncertain (though at the same time, it's really good to hear the company's doing that well, and they are taking precautions against a lawsuit); oddly, later in the afternoon, I felt better and more energetic, motivated
Actions: slept in a bit too late this morning, then had the minor money freakout; wrote to my dad to ask advice about wedding stuff and home finances, and felt better afterwards; after lunch, worked a really good hunk of time doing some consultant work (first in more than a week - where does the time go?!); had a good dinner and enjoyed some episodes of Buffy and X-Files with Jeff; afterwards, while Jeff spent some time in meditation, I unpacked a few spare boxes of clothes and organized the closet space in the hallway and bedroom
Connections: feeling really good about how the house is coming along; as we get more organized, it's easier to find a place for everything, which drastically reduces the clutter (and thus, my stress level); I also feel gratified to get some work in and feel that I can contribute (now that we got the whole invoice thing sorted out, hopefully money will be coming in on a regular basis, instead of in infrequent but large lump sums)
Daily Tarot Card: The Ten of Pentacles is a card of fulfillment and enjoyment, especially of earthly pleasures and joys, as well as of material prosperity and financial stability. Yet there is also a spiritual dimension to this card, which expresses itself through the patterned work and form of art and aesthetics and the simple, genuine gratitude and generosity that comes from enjoying your place in the world and feeling connected with all those around you. Tradition, structure and form provide the latticework for the movement and exchange of spirit and its generosity; this is a card of culmination and great happiness that is borne of hard work and commitment, shared with all.
Labels:
capricorn,
diary,
first quarter,
tarot - 10 pentacles,
tarot - pentacles,
winter
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Daily Diary
Days of Note: New Year's Day
Sun: capricorn (earth/cardinal), 7:43am - 5:04pm
Moon: waning crescent, sagittarius (fire/mutable)
Earth: mild and rainy all day, the past two days are from the front moving up the coast last week that brought a blizzard to some of the southern states and all that wind on our drive back from DC
Thoughts: thinking about my article on US tax law and trying to find a way to add "personal interest" to it as per editor's suggested revisions; conversation about parents centered on the news this morning that Emily is, in fact, pregnant, and how this will affect the kids' finances and home life in the future (and Jeff and my frustration at their short-sightedness and selfishness); of course, we're confused as to how Emily could have blamed her outburst the other week on hormones due to birth control if she's more than a month pregnant - it doesn't add up; personally, I'm expecting some kind of exaggeration in one or several aspects of what they're telling us (since Emily can't keep news to herself to save her life, I'm pretty sure that she only just found out, and so I'm a little worried that she's not even sure she's pregnant and hasn't been to a doctor about it yet, and that it may be a false alarm or something similar - in which case, already telling the kids may have been a bad move); regardless, Jeff and I do plan to consult a lawyer in the spring to get a better grip on exactly how our marriage will change the financial situation with the kids, and to find out what recourse we have to the courts if Emily continues to shirk her financial responsibilities as joint custodian of the kids); talked a lot with my dad about grad school ideas and maybe eventually pursuing something at UFL; I find myself getting quite excited about the idea, though it's still at least a couple years away; talked with mom about our plans for next weekend's trip to NC for the wedding expo and getting all that set and ready
Actions: wrote a blog post about the new year for the wedding blog in the morning, got some contractor work done in the late morning and afternoon before dinner; spent time with the kids (opening their presents from my parents); long phone call with my parents after lunch to wish them a happy new year; conversation about kings in ancient history over dinner; got a response back about my article for W&P, the editor wants me to add some "personal interest" to the piece and I'm not sure how I'd go about doing that....
Connections: lots of talking and discussion today, and Big Life Topics on the brain about the future and what it may hold; in general, although a lot of it is stressful, I'm feeling less stressed frustrated about it now that I can admit to myself that the hardest part is not having very much control over how other people behave, and trying to trust more in the Universe to make sure the people we love do all right and manage to thrive despite the imperfections of those around them (including us); it's nice to have a job where I can escape from all this heavy thinking into relative monotony and still feel like I'm accomplishing something and earning a livelihood (it does make me wonder if the stress of not working was partly due to having too much time on my hands that I spent worrying about things beyond my control - oh, the irony!)
Daily Tarot Card: The Three of Pentacles is a card of teamwork and cooperation, as well as of manifestation of the spiritual in the concrete, material realm. Our work is underway, and we bring all our skills and talents and knowledge to the task at hand. We see the results of our craft and patience coming along nicely, blossoming in beauty that holds significance and staying power. Yet we also understand that our work is intricately tied up with the relationships we have and which sustain us; we rest on the shoulders of those who support us and our work, and we work together with others to accomplish our tasks. Because of this teamwork with others, we may need more patience, planning and compromise, but the work that results is worth the effort. (My note: I think this may be giving me advice about how to deal with this article, suggesting that I take the editor's advice and do my best to make the necessary revisions, seeing it not as a "dumbing down" of my work but a challenge to make it even more accessible to readers. Quite a challenge, and one that will require me to do more digging and interviewing and contacting others.... but hopefully it will be worth it.)
Sun: capricorn (earth/cardinal), 7:43am - 5:04pm
Moon: waning crescent, sagittarius (fire/mutable)
Earth: mild and rainy all day, the past two days are from the front moving up the coast last week that brought a blizzard to some of the southern states and all that wind on our drive back from DC
Thoughts: thinking about my article on US tax law and trying to find a way to add "personal interest" to it as per editor's suggested revisions; conversation about parents centered on the news this morning that Emily is, in fact, pregnant, and how this will affect the kids' finances and home life in the future (and Jeff and my frustration at their short-sightedness and selfishness); of course, we're confused as to how Emily could have blamed her outburst the other week on hormones due to birth control if she's more than a month pregnant - it doesn't add up; personally, I'm expecting some kind of exaggeration in one or several aspects of what they're telling us (since Emily can't keep news to herself to save her life, I'm pretty sure that she only just found out, and so I'm a little worried that she's not even sure she's pregnant and hasn't been to a doctor about it yet, and that it may be a false alarm or something similar - in which case, already telling the kids may have been a bad move); regardless, Jeff and I do plan to consult a lawyer in the spring to get a better grip on exactly how our marriage will change the financial situation with the kids, and to find out what recourse we have to the courts if Emily continues to shirk her financial responsibilities as joint custodian of the kids); talked a lot with my dad about grad school ideas and maybe eventually pursuing something at UFL; I find myself getting quite excited about the idea, though it's still at least a couple years away; talked with mom about our plans for next weekend's trip to NC for the wedding expo and getting all that set and ready
Actions: wrote a blog post about the new year for the wedding blog in the morning, got some contractor work done in the late morning and afternoon before dinner; spent time with the kids (opening their presents from my parents); long phone call with my parents after lunch to wish them a happy new year; conversation about kings in ancient history over dinner; got a response back about my article for W&P, the editor wants me to add some "personal interest" to the piece and I'm not sure how I'd go about doing that....
Connections: lots of talking and discussion today, and Big Life Topics on the brain about the future and what it may hold; in general, although a lot of it is stressful, I'm feeling less stressed frustrated about it now that I can admit to myself that the hardest part is not having very much control over how other people behave, and trying to trust more in the Universe to make sure the people we love do all right and manage to thrive despite the imperfections of those around them (including us); it's nice to have a job where I can escape from all this heavy thinking into relative monotony and still feel like I'm accomplishing something and earning a livelihood (it does make me wonder if the stress of not working was partly due to having too much time on my hands that I spent worrying about things beyond my control - oh, the irony!)
Daily Tarot Card: The Three of Pentacles is a card of teamwork and cooperation, as well as of manifestation of the spiritual in the concrete, material realm. Our work is underway, and we bring all our skills and talents and knowledge to the task at hand. We see the results of our craft and patience coming along nicely, blossoming in beauty that holds significance and staying power. Yet we also understand that our work is intricately tied up with the relationships we have and which sustain us; we rest on the shoulders of those who support us and our work, and we work together with others to accomplish our tasks. Because of this teamwork with others, we may need more patience, planning and compromise, but the work that results is worth the effort. (My note: I think this may be giving me advice about how to deal with this article, suggesting that I take the editor's advice and do my best to make the necessary revisions, seeing it not as a "dumbing down" of my work but a challenge to make it even more accessible to readers. Quite a challenge, and one that will require me to do more digging and interviewing and contacting others.... but hopefully it will be worth it.)
Labels:
capricorn,
diary,
tarot - 3 pentacles,
tarot - pentacles,
waning crescent,
winter
Friday, December 31, 2010
Daily Diary
Days of Note: New Year's Eve Day
Sun: capricorn (earth/cardinal), 7:43am - 5:03pm
Moon: waning crescent, sagittarius (fire/mutable)
Earth: quite mild and damp, almost in the 60s, rainy in the morning then sunny in the afternoon, smell of mud and damp earth, scent of moist spring in the air almost
Thoughts: mostly focused on work, especially in the morning, and trying to stay grounded in a relaxed, pleasant frame of mind; later in the afternoon, Jeff and I spent some time talking about the kids' education and the benefits of having trained teachers with lots of experience to give us feedback (which is something we don't really have now, with Emily just doing homeschooling); after the divination reading, we spent a lot of time talking about astrology and the meanings of the different houses and how they interact with each other; forgot to mention this the other day, I think - but I've been thinking more about maybe going back to grad school for a Masters or PhD, the University of Florida has a "Nature and Religion" program and the main professor there wrote the book my brother got me for Christmas, I "friended" him on FB and wrote to Nathan asking his opinion of the program (he says from what he knows it's a very reputable, solid program)... so that's been on my mind a bit the last few days, too, though I certainly can't pursue anything for the next few years
Actions: visit to Panera in the morning to get some work done, but unfortunately my stomach was off and uncomfortable, so we headed home for lunch; after lunch, a few more hours of contractor work, running into some frustration with a slow connection towards the end; before dinner, Jeff and I took a nice walk in the woods during twilight (found a stone for my end of Lesson 2 exercise); then dinner and an episode of Buffy (one that sparked some less than happy memories for Jeff that we then spent some time talking about - Buffy as therapy, oh yeah); then, I spent several hours doing a (fairly simple) New Years ritual thanking my gods and guides for their presence this past year and asking for their blessings and support in the year to come, as well as making offerings and pouring libations for them (in particular, Brigid Star-Fire), followed by an in-depth divination reading using tarot cards in the astrological spread (one card for each of the twelve houses), which took hours to interpret - and I'm still not done!
Connections: unfortunately, for most of the day my stomach was giving me problems and pangs, the "sour stomach" that feels like too much acid and not enough to digest; not sure why, but applesauce, bananas and tums seemed to help a bit; otherwise, trying to keep my negativity in check a bit and focus on the wonderful and beautiful aspects of my life, which is working really well; I feel more relaxed and free than I have been recently, and the ritual went really well, probably because it was so simple and improvised and I could just sit, center and speak from my heart
Sun: capricorn (earth/cardinal), 7:43am - 5:03pm
Moon: waning crescent, sagittarius (fire/mutable)
Earth: quite mild and damp, almost in the 60s, rainy in the morning then sunny in the afternoon, smell of mud and damp earth, scent of moist spring in the air almost
Thoughts: mostly focused on work, especially in the morning, and trying to stay grounded in a relaxed, pleasant frame of mind; later in the afternoon, Jeff and I spent some time talking about the kids' education and the benefits of having trained teachers with lots of experience to give us feedback (which is something we don't really have now, with Emily just doing homeschooling); after the divination reading, we spent a lot of time talking about astrology and the meanings of the different houses and how they interact with each other; forgot to mention this the other day, I think - but I've been thinking more about maybe going back to grad school for a Masters or PhD, the University of Florida has a "Nature and Religion" program and the main professor there wrote the book my brother got me for Christmas, I "friended" him on FB and wrote to Nathan asking his opinion of the program (he says from what he knows it's a very reputable, solid program)... so that's been on my mind a bit the last few days, too, though I certainly can't pursue anything for the next few years
Actions: visit to Panera in the morning to get some work done, but unfortunately my stomach was off and uncomfortable, so we headed home for lunch; after lunch, a few more hours of contractor work, running into some frustration with a slow connection towards the end; before dinner, Jeff and I took a nice walk in the woods during twilight (found a stone for my end of Lesson 2 exercise); then dinner and an episode of Buffy (one that sparked some less than happy memories for Jeff that we then spent some time talking about - Buffy as therapy, oh yeah); then, I spent several hours doing a (fairly simple) New Years ritual thanking my gods and guides for their presence this past year and asking for their blessings and support in the year to come, as well as making offerings and pouring libations for them (in particular, Brigid Star-Fire), followed by an in-depth divination reading using tarot cards in the astrological spread (one card for each of the twelve houses), which took hours to interpret - and I'm still not done!
Connections: unfortunately, for most of the day my stomach was giving me problems and pangs, the "sour stomach" that feels like too much acid and not enough to digest; not sure why, but applesauce, bananas and tums seemed to help a bit; otherwise, trying to keep my negativity in check a bit and focus on the wonderful and beautiful aspects of my life, which is working really well; I feel more relaxed and free than I have been recently, and the ritual went really well, probably because it was so simple and improvised and I could just sit, center and speak from my heart
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Daily Diary
Sun: capricorn (earth/cardinal), 7:43am - 5:02pm
Moon: waning crescent, scorpio (water/fixed)
Earth: chilly and wet, freezing rain most of the day leaving sheets of black ice everywhere
Thoughts: trying to relax and "go with the flow," give myself permission to have a holiday and not stress about work too much (especially not until I get my next check, since it's been incredibly long in coming); keeping in mind the tarot reading from yesterday about not dwelling too much on the negative and hardships, and instead appreciating what energies available; also trying to stay mindful of my energy levels and my connection to the earth and its energies; thought a lot about the various astrological meanings of what will be going on in the next few years
Actions: grocery store trip in the morning, followed by some time mid-morning working on a glass painting painting project to see how it would turn out (now letting it dry); leisurely lunch followed by a few hours of contractor work; before and after dinner, spent some time going through photographs for nice full-color seasonal pictures to go in the Pagan Calendar 2011, then spent time designing the cover for the calendar; while researching holidays to put in, Jeff discovered some interesting astrological goings-on, which spurred me to an investigation of what my planets and stars will be doing during 2011
Connections: the day ended up being quite productive, even though I had initially thought to relax and "take the day off"; this is pretty ironic considering the stuff I learned about ascendant and 6th house in astrology as it pertains to daily routines and schedules - I tend to plan for a steady, balanced day of calm and consistent work, and instead I get swept away by passions and energetic projects (that keep me up until midnight)
Moon: waning crescent, scorpio (water/fixed)
Earth: chilly and wet, freezing rain most of the day leaving sheets of black ice everywhere
Thoughts: trying to relax and "go with the flow," give myself permission to have a holiday and not stress about work too much (especially not until I get my next check, since it's been incredibly long in coming); keeping in mind the tarot reading from yesterday about not dwelling too much on the negative and hardships, and instead appreciating what energies available; also trying to stay mindful of my energy levels and my connection to the earth and its energies; thought a lot about the various astrological meanings of what will be going on in the next few years
Actions: grocery store trip in the morning, followed by some time mid-morning working on a glass painting painting project to see how it would turn out (now letting it dry); leisurely lunch followed by a few hours of contractor work; before and after dinner, spent some time going through photographs for nice full-color seasonal pictures to go in the Pagan Calendar 2011, then spent time designing the cover for the calendar; while researching holidays to put in, Jeff discovered some interesting astrological goings-on, which spurred me to an investigation of what my planets and stars will be doing during 2011
Connections: the day ended up being quite productive, even though I had initially thought to relax and "take the day off"; this is pretty ironic considering the stuff I learned about ascendant and 6th house in astrology as it pertains to daily routines and schedules - I tend to plan for a steady, balanced day of calm and consistent work, and instead I get swept away by passions and energetic projects (that keep me up until midnight)
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Daily Diary
Sun: capricorn (earth/cardinal), 7:43am - 5:02pm
Moon: waning crescent, scorpio (water/fixed)
Earth: the high was actually above freezing today, with steady sun and clear skies and not too much wind, all in all a pretty nice day
Thoughts: a bit of restlessness to start out the day, but things got better; brainstorming about wedding plans and wedding-related to do lists, as well as some of the deeper symbolic meanings of the wedding ceremony itself and reflecting on how our Paganism will (potentially) reflect in the wedding; otherwise, felt fairly focused today with few freak-outs, which is nice
Actions: this morning, spent some time working on "Wedding Wednesday" stuff in preparation for our trip to the Wedding Expo next week; got in touch with the officiant to set up a time to meet in person; figured out our schedule for the long weekend and worked with Jeff to book our hotel room (at a big discount due to a wedding expo special, and we were able to get a suite with kitchenette which means cooking in the room and saving lots of money on eating out - yay!); looked over the budget to get an idea of how we're doing (not bad, I think); in the afternoon, spent time writing a post for the wedding blog, whichquickly eventually blossomed into more-than-one post (still not finished the second part, but almost there, hopefully to post tomorrow)
Connections: felt like I got a lot done today with very little distraction; feeling the best about the writing and kinda wish I could whittle down my responsibilities so that on any given day, after my contractor work, I could spend the rest of my time working on my writing; but to do that, I'll have to first finally get the apartment how I like it (only a few rooms to go) and stay more on top of this wedding planning stuff; all in all, though, I think things are going really well and I made it through the holiday stress without too much freaking out; now for recovery time, for which regular work is actually quite enjoyable; I find myself really looking forward to putting in some solid hours tomorrow and for the rest of the week so that, come next week, I can take a few days off in a row to enjoy the expo without worrying about my hours
Daily Tarot Card: After drawing a card I have had several times before, I decided to draw several more for clarification, and also as a transition into deeper insight into the cards and practice doing multi-card spreads.
The Ace of Cups I drew first, and placed in the center. This is a card of beginnings, a gladness and enjoyment that results from a happy emotional alignment or orientation and being more deeply connected to our emotions and intuition. It offers the gift of withdrawal into dream and imagination, where we can foster and nurture healthy connections and emotional bonds both with others and with our own deeper selves.
I cut the deck again, and drew the Five of Cups, which I placed in the center directly below the Ace of Cups. Recognizing once again that the Five of Cups is a card I've drawn before, I drew two more cards from the top of the deck (without cutting), placing the first to the left and the second to the right of the Five of Cups, so that the three made a line above which the Ace of Cups rested in the center. The card to the left was the Six of Swords, and the card to the right was the Five of Wands.
The Five of Cups is a card of sorrow, grief and loss. Dreams have been set loose and have passed beyond our control, and we are left to wait and wonder what will become of them, and of us. Our journey has been difficult and sometimes painful, with many mistakes and regrets along the way. We may have a tendency to focus overly much on these causes for grief, and feel the pain acutely, even reveling in its sensuality to some degree. But there is also hope, and a chance for change and movement - some of our cups have not yet overturned, and offer us the gift of healing and emotional renewal. What is required of us is a reorientation, a new perspective and a more stubborn optimism and gratitude about those resources still readily available to us, instead of wallowing in our grief and misery.
The Six of Swords represents a journey through difficulty and challenge, overcoming strife and uncertainty as we struggle towards a new horizon and the possibilities it promises. The journey itself may be a hard one for us, or it may be a time of rest and recovery from the strains of the world that have left us feeling weakened and drained. Either way, we travel into the uncertain future that promises hope and renewal. Still, the card holds a warning as well, cautioning us against carrying with us the same harmful or unhealthy thought patterns that have caused us difficulty and sorrow in the past.
The Five of Wands is a card of playful combativeness and conflict, of energy and activity in a blur of motion and barely contained chaos. Sometimes, this card can feel like swimming against the tide, a thousand small obstacles piling up to create an unending barrage of difficulties and challenges that threaten to overwhelm us. At the same time, these challenges can be invigorating, energizing and motivating us to rise to the occasion, overcome whatever challenges we face and, in the process, discover new skills and new sources of potential that we hadn't expected or anticipated. Though the card carries a caution against allowing trivial matters to pile up or escalate into serious or dangerous conflict, it is also a card of movement and change that can bring about success and renewal.
Visually, the layout of this spread raises some interesting insights. The four cards are spread in a kind of wide-based pyramid, with the Ace of Cups at the apex and the three cards (from left to right: Six of Swords, Five of Cups, Five of Wands) forming the base.
The two cards on either end of the base both contain figures dressed in white who are journeying towards the upper center of the spread, almost pointing at the Ace of Cups itself. The figure riding the swan's back in the Six of Swords moves from left to right, rising above the swords and stormcrows below him. The figure in the Five of Wands charges from right to left, leaping over the swarm of foxes and dodging the staffs placed in his way. Both of these bookend cards, in addition to having journeying figures in white, also contain long, upright tools or weapons (staffs or swords) as well as a flock or pack of animals (foxes or stormcrows) perched in and about them, which the figure must rise above. These may represent circumstances of difficulty that are stagnant or unchanging (or seem to be), planted firmly in the ground and appearing almost like bars on a jail cell or the poles of a fence or wall. The animals - dark in one card, bright and fiery in the other - may represent uncontrolled or wild animal instincts, emotional reactions or even thought patterns that have taken on "a life of their own" and no longer seem to be helpful but have instead become a hindrance or a symbol of the figures' difficulties and obstacles. In neither case, however, are these animals actively trying to hinder the figure in any personal way - simply their existence can be a challenge, but they are not out to get the figure in any way, and so the challenges they (re)present are things he can "rise above" (literally or figuratively).
Both figures seem to be moving, within the spread, through their difficulties and towards the center cards - but more specifically, upwards towards the Ace of Cups. The center card in the bottom row, the Five of Cups, is one of sorrow and regret, grief over what has been lost or the failures and difficulties one has seen. The figure is still, head bent down towards the overturned or half-emptied cups around her. She faces to the left, towards the Six of Swords card, with her back to the right and the Five of Wands, and head turned down so that she cannot possibly see the Ace of Cups above her. This layout suggests a focus on the difficulties of the journey that have brought her to this place, and perhaps too much focus on her own weakness and fatigue (as shown in the Six of Swords), while ignoring the stamina, energy and resourcefulness (represented by the Five of Wands) that have brought her this far. Most importantly, she does not raise her head to look around her and see what opportunities and gifts are still available to her and, in fact, continually being offered. The ocean seems to carry all her dreams and hopes away from her as she stands on the desolate shore, and yet she does not recognize the source of this vast ocean and its potential to offer support, insight and emotional depth to her as well.
Yet this spread suggests that, once grief and sorrow are acknowledged and moved through, the journey of the two outer cards will continue, leading eventually and at last to the Ace of Cups, a place of generosity and renewal especially of an emotional (and intuitive or imaginative) kind. The figures do not face the center, but a more dynamic direction "upwards," with their eyes firmly fixed on the Ace of Cups as the goal. The journey may involve grief and regret to some extent, but keeping things in perspective and moving through this emotionally "troubled water" with the same willingness and energy will resolve eventually in obtaining to the gift that the Ace of Cups offers: renewal, reflection, self-knowledge and deeper connection. Here, the animals in this card (a school of fish) swirl and dance around the spiraling, overflowing waters of the cup, presenting glittering symbols of beauty and good luck, instead of the strife and conflict of the animals in the other cards (or the absence of animals as primary actors in the center Five of Cups card).
All this says to me that I am in the midst of a journey, a period of transition that may be difficult and sometimes a bit of a struggle. I can choose to focus on that struggle and how tired and vulnerable it can sometimes make me feel, or I can value the energy and creativity that I can bring to the journey, and keep my eyes firmly on the many reasons to remain grateful and optimistic about my circumstances. If I do the latter, I may find that the gift for such gratitude and optimism, and the blessing of perspective, will eventually lead to a period of renewal and deeper insight and creativity, as well as more authentic connection and harmonious emotional relationship. (Let's hope that's right!)
Moon: waning crescent, scorpio (water/fixed)
Earth: the high was actually above freezing today, with steady sun and clear skies and not too much wind, all in all a pretty nice day
Thoughts: a bit of restlessness to start out the day, but things got better; brainstorming about wedding plans and wedding-related to do lists, as well as some of the deeper symbolic meanings of the wedding ceremony itself and reflecting on how our Paganism will (potentially) reflect in the wedding; otherwise, felt fairly focused today with few freak-outs, which is nice
Actions: this morning, spent some time working on "Wedding Wednesday" stuff in preparation for our trip to the Wedding Expo next week; got in touch with the officiant to set up a time to meet in person; figured out our schedule for the long weekend and worked with Jeff to book our hotel room (at a big discount due to a wedding expo special, and we were able to get a suite with kitchenette which means cooking in the room and saving lots of money on eating out - yay!); looked over the budget to get an idea of how we're doing (not bad, I think); in the afternoon, spent time writing a post for the wedding blog, which
Connections: felt like I got a lot done today with very little distraction; feeling the best about the writing and kinda wish I could whittle down my responsibilities so that on any given day, after my contractor work, I could spend the rest of my time working on my writing; but to do that, I'll have to first finally get the apartment how I like it (only a few rooms to go) and stay more on top of this wedding planning stuff; all in all, though, I think things are going really well and I made it through the holiday stress without too much freaking out; now for recovery time, for which regular work is actually quite enjoyable; I find myself really looking forward to putting in some solid hours tomorrow and for the rest of the week so that, come next week, I can take a few days off in a row to enjoy the expo without worrying about my hours
Daily Tarot Card: After drawing a card I have had several times before, I decided to draw several more for clarification, and also as a transition into deeper insight into the cards and practice doing multi-card spreads.
The Ace of Cups I drew first, and placed in the center. This is a card of beginnings, a gladness and enjoyment that results from a happy emotional alignment or orientation and being more deeply connected to our emotions and intuition. It offers the gift of withdrawal into dream and imagination, where we can foster and nurture healthy connections and emotional bonds both with others and with our own deeper selves.
I cut the deck again, and drew the Five of Cups, which I placed in the center directly below the Ace of Cups. Recognizing once again that the Five of Cups is a card I've drawn before, I drew two more cards from the top of the deck (without cutting), placing the first to the left and the second to the right of the Five of Cups, so that the three made a line above which the Ace of Cups rested in the center. The card to the left was the Six of Swords, and the card to the right was the Five of Wands.
The Five of Cups is a card of sorrow, grief and loss. Dreams have been set loose and have passed beyond our control, and we are left to wait and wonder what will become of them, and of us. Our journey has been difficult and sometimes painful, with many mistakes and regrets along the way. We may have a tendency to focus overly much on these causes for grief, and feel the pain acutely, even reveling in its sensuality to some degree. But there is also hope, and a chance for change and movement - some of our cups have not yet overturned, and offer us the gift of healing and emotional renewal. What is required of us is a reorientation, a new perspective and a more stubborn optimism and gratitude about those resources still readily available to us, instead of wallowing in our grief and misery.
The Six of Swords represents a journey through difficulty and challenge, overcoming strife and uncertainty as we struggle towards a new horizon and the possibilities it promises. The journey itself may be a hard one for us, or it may be a time of rest and recovery from the strains of the world that have left us feeling weakened and drained. Either way, we travel into the uncertain future that promises hope and renewal. Still, the card holds a warning as well, cautioning us against carrying with us the same harmful or unhealthy thought patterns that have caused us difficulty and sorrow in the past.
The Five of Wands is a card of playful combativeness and conflict, of energy and activity in a blur of motion and barely contained chaos. Sometimes, this card can feel like swimming against the tide, a thousand small obstacles piling up to create an unending barrage of difficulties and challenges that threaten to overwhelm us. At the same time, these challenges can be invigorating, energizing and motivating us to rise to the occasion, overcome whatever challenges we face and, in the process, discover new skills and new sources of potential that we hadn't expected or anticipated. Though the card carries a caution against allowing trivial matters to pile up or escalate into serious or dangerous conflict, it is also a card of movement and change that can bring about success and renewal.
Visually, the layout of this spread raises some interesting insights. The four cards are spread in a kind of wide-based pyramid, with the Ace of Cups at the apex and the three cards (from left to right: Six of Swords, Five of Cups, Five of Wands) forming the base.
The two cards on either end of the base both contain figures dressed in white who are journeying towards the upper center of the spread, almost pointing at the Ace of Cups itself. The figure riding the swan's back in the Six of Swords moves from left to right, rising above the swords and stormcrows below him. The figure in the Five of Wands charges from right to left, leaping over the swarm of foxes and dodging the staffs placed in his way. Both of these bookend cards, in addition to having journeying figures in white, also contain long, upright tools or weapons (staffs or swords) as well as a flock or pack of animals (foxes or stormcrows) perched in and about them, which the figure must rise above. These may represent circumstances of difficulty that are stagnant or unchanging (or seem to be), planted firmly in the ground and appearing almost like bars on a jail cell or the poles of a fence or wall. The animals - dark in one card, bright and fiery in the other - may represent uncontrolled or wild animal instincts, emotional reactions or even thought patterns that have taken on "a life of their own" and no longer seem to be helpful but have instead become a hindrance or a symbol of the figures' difficulties and obstacles. In neither case, however, are these animals actively trying to hinder the figure in any personal way - simply their existence can be a challenge, but they are not out to get the figure in any way, and so the challenges they (re)present are things he can "rise above" (literally or figuratively).
Both figures seem to be moving, within the spread, through their difficulties and towards the center cards - but more specifically, upwards towards the Ace of Cups. The center card in the bottom row, the Five of Cups, is one of sorrow and regret, grief over what has been lost or the failures and difficulties one has seen. The figure is still, head bent down towards the overturned or half-emptied cups around her. She faces to the left, towards the Six of Swords card, with her back to the right and the Five of Wands, and head turned down so that she cannot possibly see the Ace of Cups above her. This layout suggests a focus on the difficulties of the journey that have brought her to this place, and perhaps too much focus on her own weakness and fatigue (as shown in the Six of Swords), while ignoring the stamina, energy and resourcefulness (represented by the Five of Wands) that have brought her this far. Most importantly, she does not raise her head to look around her and see what opportunities and gifts are still available to her and, in fact, continually being offered. The ocean seems to carry all her dreams and hopes away from her as she stands on the desolate shore, and yet she does not recognize the source of this vast ocean and its potential to offer support, insight and emotional depth to her as well.
Yet this spread suggests that, once grief and sorrow are acknowledged and moved through, the journey of the two outer cards will continue, leading eventually and at last to the Ace of Cups, a place of generosity and renewal especially of an emotional (and intuitive or imaginative) kind. The figures do not face the center, but a more dynamic direction "upwards," with their eyes firmly fixed on the Ace of Cups as the goal. The journey may involve grief and regret to some extent, but keeping things in perspective and moving through this emotionally "troubled water" with the same willingness and energy will resolve eventually in obtaining to the gift that the Ace of Cups offers: renewal, reflection, self-knowledge and deeper connection. Here, the animals in this card (a school of fish) swirl and dance around the spiraling, overflowing waters of the cup, presenting glittering symbols of beauty and good luck, instead of the strife and conflict of the animals in the other cards (or the absence of animals as primary actors in the center Five of Cups card).
All this says to me that I am in the midst of a journey, a period of transition that may be difficult and sometimes a bit of a struggle. I can choose to focus on that struggle and how tired and vulnerable it can sometimes make me feel, or I can value the energy and creativity that I can bring to the journey, and keep my eyes firmly on the many reasons to remain grateful and optimistic about my circumstances. If I do the latter, I may find that the gift for such gratitude and optimism, and the blessing of perspective, will eventually lead to a period of renewal and deeper insight and creativity, as well as more authentic connection and harmonious emotional relationship. (Let's hope that's right!)
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Daily Diary
Sun: capricorn (earth/cardinal), 7:42am - 5:01pm
Moon: last quarter, libra (air/cardinal)
Earth: not as cold as it has been lately, with winds bringing slightly warmer air (though not much warmer), otherwise clear and sunny
Thoughts: Mercury retrograde in full swing today, ugh; thinking about drawing strength from the earth and keeping the pathways of energy open (to help with my fatigue some); getting quite frustrated over the stupidity of banks and how huge institutions can consistently screw over individuals
Actions: meditated some this morning, got in an hour or so of contractor work, with the intention of spending much of the day cleaning and organizing, especially the upstairs closet and bedroom; after lunch, swung by the bank to deposit the gift money and then headed to IKEA for the bookcases (a Christmas present from my parents); turns out, the card was declined because, though I had more than enough at the time I deposited the check (not even counting the hold they would put on the check itself), because I got some cash back from the deposit, instead of taking it from the check, they withdrew it from my account, leaving me only a few dollars short; luckily, I'd canceled my overdraft "protection" and so it only declined my card, instead of causing a cascading overdraft fee like they did the last time; so no bookcases today, and a very frustrating trip that brought up once again how much I hate dealing with banks and their f'ing greed (so for the next several days, that gift money will just exist in la-la land, in neither my account nor my parents', while the bank sits with its thumb up its ass, even though they could easily know immediately whether or not the check would bounce, considering we live in the internet age of instant money exchange (and Jeff's bank lets him deposit checks immediately), but they intentionally delay it hoping people will screw up and bounce the check or overdraw their accounts so they can get hit with a fee - makes me fucking angry); got home and relaxed some, then spent the afternoon organizing the closet upstairs and tossing a bunch of expired creams and other toiletries, so things are much better organized now and we have more shelf space; then dinner with Jeff and watching some Buffy on hulu.com
Connections: feeling incredibly tired and frustrated by today's bank stupidity (did I mention I really fucking hate how greedy and controlling banks are, and also how frustrating it is to work as a contractor and have to wait forever for my manager to submit my invoice - I've been working as a contractor for a month and a half now and have only received one check, from my very first week when I barely had any hours, because everyone's been too busy to process my invoices... it's nice to know the money is coming, but it sure isn't as convenient as earning cash that gets deposited right away without three f'ing week delays); so, needless to say, emotional roller-coaster today as I try to cope with feeling money anxiety which is only partly due to this new job causing delays in getting paid, and partly to do with how much money I seem to be spending on kids who aren't even mine because their mom keeps racking up bills that she expects Jeff to step in and pay, and how frustrating it is for me to feel like I have no control over that; if I were still living by myself, I could simply make the choices necessary to spend less, and handle a tight budget; but with these kids, so used to never having their mom think twice about throwing money around, they can act like real brats sometimes if we explain that doing this or that costs too much; but again, that's also me just projecting my feelings of helplessness and anger onto an easy target and I'm probably angrier about it than I really should be; anyway, it was good to get the closet organized and see.... just how little we actually own; every time I do major cleaning, I'm both gratified and annoyed by the irony of how little Jeff and I actually manage to live on; sometimes I think we keep our messes around just so we don't have to look at our depressingly empty closets (but then, I really don't like mess and clutter, so I'd rather embrace the half-empty closet, I think);
Catch Up: since I skipped few days, let me give you the rundown: Sunday, December 26 - slept in till about 7:30am in the hotel room, then got up and grabbed a continental breakfast, swung by my parents' one last time to say goodbye then got on the road to DC; hung out in Starbucks in Greenbelt until Melanie was out of church, then she met us there and we all headed back to her place (which is adorable) where we sat around chatting and sharing family pictures and catching up over appetizers and then lunch; after lunch (which was delicious homemade stuff that I can't even remember the name of), Jeff and I went for a bit of a walk around the neighborhood (while it snowed beautifully, though the wind was already starting to pick up then); once we got back, we went a few doors down to visit Melanie's friend, Jeanette, who is just the most amazing woman doing all sorts of traveling now that she's retired; when we got back from that, Biff had called and so Melanie got in touch with him and we agreed he'd come over to Melanie's for a gift exchange and then we'd all go out to a diner for some (late) dinner; meanwhile, Jeff and I checked in at the hotel that Melanie had kindly booked for us; we got back before Biff arrived, then all four of us sat around talking and sharing more pictures and joking about the kids and everything; we exchanged gifts (I think both M and B liked the daybook calendars we made for them, and they also both seemed to like the books we got them, though they were only slim ones each; Melanie got us some lovely hand-sewn potholders and a sandalwood candle, along with some temporary tattoos that I think the kids will really get a kick out of); eventually, we headed out to the diner, but it was closed due to "horrid weather"; eventually, we wound up at an IHOP close to midnight, by which time Jeff and I were practically zombies; Monday, December 27 - we finally made it back to the hotel around 1:30am and went to sleep, slept in till a little before 9am, treated ourselves to Dunkin Donuts for breakfast and swung by the REI camping equipment store which was just down the road; we talked a lot about things we might like to put on the wedding gift registry, and how practical it would be to go camping for our honeymoon (and if we can somehow do a registry with REI through Jeff's membership, so that gifts bought there also pay into his dividends (as well as helping a co-op nonprofit), so it'd be like the gift that keeps on giving - have to look into that sometime soon, as well as look through the comparison info sheets we picked up there; then we got on the road to drive back; it was an incredibly long and wearying drive because of tremendous wind gusts buffeting the car the entire drive (though I got a lot of reading down in the book my brother got me for Christmas, Taylor's Dark Green Religion); we finally pulled into Pittsburgh around 5pm (it took about two hours longer than we anticipated to drive back); we brought everything in from the car and pretty much collapsed from fatigue; had a simple dinner and went to bed early; I think that pretty much brings us up to date
Daily Tarot Card: The Eight of Swords is a card that warns of restriction and entrapment, painful bonds that stifle and cut against our struggle to escape. Arrogance and might cannot free us from the restrictions of our current circumstances, but still there is hope and movement in this card as well - the possibility of seeking help from others, and of calming ourselves, seeking our still center and breathing deeply, reconnecting with the freedom within us that nothing can hinder or steal. We might think of the Eight of Swords as a kind of Chinese Finger Trap: the more we struggle and try to force a change in our circumstances, the more we become entrenched in unhelpful and unhealthy thought patterns and behavioral habits. But by remembering that we are still free and able to seek out those who can give us aid, we can calmly and gently take just the right action, using exactly the appropriate amount of effort and energy needed.
Moon: last quarter, libra (air/cardinal)
Earth: not as cold as it has been lately, with winds bringing slightly warmer air (though not much warmer), otherwise clear and sunny
Thoughts: Mercury retrograde in full swing today, ugh; thinking about drawing strength from the earth and keeping the pathways of energy open (to help with my fatigue some); getting quite frustrated over the stupidity of banks and how huge institutions can consistently screw over individuals
Actions: meditated some this morning, got in an hour or so of contractor work, with the intention of spending much of the day cleaning and organizing, especially the upstairs closet and bedroom; after lunch, swung by the bank to deposit the gift money and then headed to IKEA for the bookcases (a Christmas present from my parents); turns out, the card was declined because, though I had more than enough at the time I deposited the check (not even counting the hold they would put on the check itself), because I got some cash back from the deposit, instead of taking it from the check, they withdrew it from my account, leaving me only a few dollars short; luckily, I'd canceled my overdraft "protection" and so it only declined my card, instead of causing a cascading overdraft fee like they did the last time; so no bookcases today, and a very frustrating trip that brought up once again how much I hate dealing with banks and their f'ing greed (so for the next several days, that gift money will just exist in la-la land, in neither my account nor my parents', while the bank sits with its thumb up its ass, even though they could easily know immediately whether or not the check would bounce, considering we live in the internet age of instant money exchange (and Jeff's bank lets him deposit checks immediately), but they intentionally delay it hoping people will screw up and bounce the check or overdraw their accounts so they can get hit with a fee - makes me fucking angry); got home and relaxed some, then spent the afternoon organizing the closet upstairs and tossing a bunch of expired creams and other toiletries, so things are much better organized now and we have more shelf space; then dinner with Jeff and watching some Buffy on hulu.com
Connections: feeling incredibly tired and frustrated by today's bank stupidity (did I mention I really fucking hate how greedy and controlling banks are, and also how frustrating it is to work as a contractor and have to wait forever for my manager to submit my invoice - I've been working as a contractor for a month and a half now and have only received one check, from my very first week when I barely had any hours, because everyone's been too busy to process my invoices... it's nice to know the money is coming, but it sure isn't as convenient as earning cash that gets deposited right away without three f'ing week delays); so, needless to say, emotional roller-coaster today as I try to cope with feeling money anxiety which is only partly due to this new job causing delays in getting paid, and partly to do with how much money I seem to be spending on kids who aren't even mine because their mom keeps racking up bills that she expects Jeff to step in and pay, and how frustrating it is for me to feel like I have no control over that; if I were still living by myself, I could simply make the choices necessary to spend less, and handle a tight budget; but with these kids, so used to never having their mom think twice about throwing money around, they can act like real brats sometimes if we explain that doing this or that costs too much; but again, that's also me just projecting my feelings of helplessness and anger onto an easy target and I'm probably angrier about it than I really should be; anyway, it was good to get the closet organized and see.... just how little we actually own; every time I do major cleaning, I'm both gratified and annoyed by the irony of how little Jeff and I actually manage to live on; sometimes I think we keep our messes around just so we don't have to look at our depressingly empty closets (but then, I really don't like mess and clutter, so I'd rather embrace the half-empty closet, I think);
Catch Up: since I skipped few days, let me give you the rundown: Sunday, December 26 - slept in till about 7:30am in the hotel room, then got up and grabbed a continental breakfast, swung by my parents' one last time to say goodbye then got on the road to DC; hung out in Starbucks in Greenbelt until Melanie was out of church, then she met us there and we all headed back to her place (which is adorable) where we sat around chatting and sharing family pictures and catching up over appetizers and then lunch; after lunch (which was delicious homemade stuff that I can't even remember the name of), Jeff and I went for a bit of a walk around the neighborhood (while it snowed beautifully, though the wind was already starting to pick up then); once we got back, we went a few doors down to visit Melanie's friend, Jeanette, who is just the most amazing woman doing all sorts of traveling now that she's retired; when we got back from that, Biff had called and so Melanie got in touch with him and we agreed he'd come over to Melanie's for a gift exchange and then we'd all go out to a diner for some (late) dinner; meanwhile, Jeff and I checked in at the hotel that Melanie had kindly booked for us; we got back before Biff arrived, then all four of us sat around talking and sharing more pictures and joking about the kids and everything; we exchanged gifts (I think both M and B liked the daybook calendars we made for them, and they also both seemed to like the books we got them, though they were only slim ones each; Melanie got us some lovely hand-sewn potholders and a sandalwood candle, along with some temporary tattoos that I think the kids will really get a kick out of); eventually, we headed out to the diner, but it was closed due to "horrid weather"; eventually, we wound up at an IHOP close to midnight, by which time Jeff and I were practically zombies; Monday, December 27 - we finally made it back to the hotel around 1:30am and went to sleep, slept in till a little before 9am, treated ourselves to Dunkin Donuts for breakfast and swung by the REI camping equipment store which was just down the road; we talked a lot about things we might like to put on the wedding gift registry, and how practical it would be to go camping for our honeymoon (and if we can somehow do a registry with REI through Jeff's membership, so that gifts bought there also pay into his dividends (as well as helping a co-op nonprofit), so it'd be like the gift that keeps on giving - have to look into that sometime soon, as well as look through the comparison info sheets we picked up there; then we got on the road to drive back; it was an incredibly long and wearying drive because of tremendous wind gusts buffeting the car the entire drive (though I got a lot of reading down in the book my brother got me for Christmas, Taylor's Dark Green Religion); we finally pulled into Pittsburgh around 5pm (it took about two hours longer than we anticipated to drive back); we brought everything in from the car and pretty much collapsed from fatigue; had a simple dinner and went to bed early; I think that pretty much brings us up to date
Daily Tarot Card: The Eight of Swords is a card that warns of restriction and entrapment, painful bonds that stifle and cut against our struggle to escape. Arrogance and might cannot free us from the restrictions of our current circumstances, but still there is hope and movement in this card as well - the possibility of seeking help from others, and of calming ourselves, seeking our still center and breathing deeply, reconnecting with the freedom within us that nothing can hinder or steal. We might think of the Eight of Swords as a kind of Chinese Finger Trap: the more we struggle and try to force a change in our circumstances, the more we become entrenched in unhelpful and unhealthy thought patterns and behavioral habits. But by remembering that we are still free and able to seek out those who can give us aid, we can calmly and gently take just the right action, using exactly the appropriate amount of effort and energy needed.
Labels:
capricorn,
diary,
last quarter,
tarot - 8 swords,
tarot - swords,
winter
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Daily Diary
Days of Note: Christmas Day
Sun: capricorn (earth/cardinal), 7:21am - 4:41pm (Lancaster time)
Moon: waning gibbous, virgo (earth/mutable)
Earth: cold, clear, still rather windy but not as bad, very dry
Thoughts: last night at mass and afterwards, just generally fighting tiredness and a bit of boredom (this year's homily not as good or coherent as last year's); nothing much on the mind today except fatigue and sleep-deprivation, the brain feeling sluggish after not much sleep; talked over dinner about some dreams of trips out West and camping (getting me all psyched to do some research into camping supplies so that we can put that stuff, instead of house stuff we don't need, on the wedding registry)
Actions: attended midnight Mass at my old Catholic church, came home and exchanged presents while drinking mint tea, as per family tradition; went to bed about 3am and slept in quite a bit; in the morning, Dad made french toast for breakfast as we lounged around (and opened stocking stuffers); then Jeff and I retreated to my old room to nap and read on and off until mid-afternoon; mid-afternoon, we packed up everything, consolidated gifts (wrapped the gifts for Melanie and Biff), loaded up the car and went to check into the hotel - went to the wrong hotel because we assumed it was the same one as last year, but it was actually the nicer one across the street where we got a great discount on a really nice suite complete with stocked kitchen and living room area (which, if we'd known it was such a deal on such a good room, we would have sprung for the extra night, but oh well); relaxed around the hotel room for a bit until Dad called to say it was time for dinner, then headed back to my parents' house for Christmas dinner and dessert, then back to the hotel
Connections: feeling very worn out and tired, and kind of sluggish; never did get into the "Christmas spirit" and feeling a bit disappointed (and guilty for feeling disappointed) that neither of the two things I actually asked for arrived in time for Christmas this year, and otherwise my mom got me some very nice handcrafted home decor items that will probably have to stay in their boxes because of an overly frisky cat (at least for a while longer, until we get more shelves up and Cu settles down a bit more as he gets older), and yet I always love books as gifts and hardly got any this year (because Mom thinks that's a boring gift) - ah well.... the homemade gifts we got for my parents and brother seemed to go over well, at least (though I plan to keep working on mine until I can send them nicer versions)
(Note: No tarot card reading tonight, either. I'm feeling exhausted, and also I forgot my tarot books back home, so I think I'll be waiting on returning to the daily readings until we're back in Pittsburgh.)
Sun: capricorn (earth/cardinal), 7:21am - 4:41pm (Lancaster time)
Moon: waning gibbous, virgo (earth/mutable)
Earth: cold, clear, still rather windy but not as bad, very dry
Thoughts: last night at mass and afterwards, just generally fighting tiredness and a bit of boredom (this year's homily not as good or coherent as last year's); nothing much on the mind today except fatigue and sleep-deprivation, the brain feeling sluggish after not much sleep; talked over dinner about some dreams of trips out West and camping (getting me all psyched to do some research into camping supplies so that we can put that stuff, instead of house stuff we don't need, on the wedding registry)
Actions: attended midnight Mass at my old Catholic church, came home and exchanged presents while drinking mint tea, as per family tradition; went to bed about 3am and slept in quite a bit; in the morning, Dad made french toast for breakfast as we lounged around (and opened stocking stuffers); then Jeff and I retreated to my old room to nap and read on and off until mid-afternoon; mid-afternoon, we packed up everything, consolidated gifts (wrapped the gifts for Melanie and Biff), loaded up the car and went to check into the hotel - went to the wrong hotel because we assumed it was the same one as last year, but it was actually the nicer one across the street where we got a great discount on a really nice suite complete with stocked kitchen and living room area (which, if we'd known it was such a deal on such a good room, we would have sprung for the extra night, but oh well); relaxed around the hotel room for a bit until Dad called to say it was time for dinner, then headed back to my parents' house for Christmas dinner and dessert, then back to the hotel
Connections: feeling very worn out and tired, and kind of sluggish; never did get into the "Christmas spirit" and feeling a bit disappointed (and guilty for feeling disappointed) that neither of the two things I actually asked for arrived in time for Christmas this year, and otherwise my mom got me some very nice handcrafted home decor items that will probably have to stay in their boxes because of an overly frisky cat (at least for a while longer, until we get more shelves up and Cu settles down a bit more as he gets older), and yet I always love books as gifts and hardly got any this year (because Mom thinks that's a boring gift) - ah well.... the homemade gifts we got for my parents and brother seemed to go over well, at least (though I plan to keep working on mine until I can send them nicer versions)
(Note: No tarot card reading tonight, either. I'm feeling exhausted, and also I forgot my tarot books back home, so I think I'll be waiting on returning to the daily readings until we're back in Pittsburgh.)
Friday, December 24, 2010
Daily Diary
Days of Note: Christmas Eve Day
Sun: capricorn (earth/cardinal), 7:20am - 4:40pm (Lancaster time)
Moon: waning gibbous, leo (fire/fixed)
Earth: cold, cold, cold, windy, clear
Thoughts: thinking a bit about creative writing and tossing around potential story ideas, exploring characters and thinking about the nature of creative writing; spent some time talking politics with Dad (but not much) and thinking about "Law of Attraction" stuff with Jeff for an article he's working on
Actions: slept in a bit, headed to Panera in the morning to get some contractor work done, spent the afternoon at my parents' house hanging around with Jeff, mostly in my old room away from the TV; got some reading done, some napping; wrapped presents mid-afternoon; had dinner with the family and then some more hanging out in my room, some creative writing (started a short story that might turn into something after being inspired by Orson Scott Card's book on fiction writing); took a quick shower and got ready for midnight Mass at church (although we didn't get to bed until about 3am, I'll leave that for the following day's diary entry)
Connections: mostly just resting and enjoying having nothing much to do; gave up on trying to get too much work done, considering how noisy it was in Panera, but still got a nice number of hours in for the last two weeks, which is excellent
(Note: This post was backdated.)
Sun: capricorn (earth/cardinal), 7:20am - 4:40pm (Lancaster time)
Moon: waning gibbous, leo (fire/fixed)
Earth: cold, cold, cold, windy, clear
Thoughts: thinking a bit about creative writing and tossing around potential story ideas, exploring characters and thinking about the nature of creative writing; spent some time talking politics with Dad (but not much) and thinking about "Law of Attraction" stuff with Jeff for an article he's working on
Actions: slept in a bit, headed to Panera in the morning to get some contractor work done, spent the afternoon at my parents' house hanging around with Jeff, mostly in my old room away from the TV; got some reading done, some napping; wrapped presents mid-afternoon; had dinner with the family and then some more hanging out in my room, some creative writing (started a short story that might turn into something after being inspired by Orson Scott Card's book on fiction writing); took a quick shower and got ready for midnight Mass at church (although we didn't get to bed until about 3am, I'll leave that for the following day's diary entry)
Connections: mostly just resting and enjoying having nothing much to do; gave up on trying to get too much work done, considering how noisy it was in Panera, but still got a nice number of hours in for the last two weeks, which is excellent
(Note: This post was backdated.)
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Daily Diary
Days of Note: driving to Lancaster to visit the family
Sun: capricorn (earth/cardinal), 7:41am - 4:58pm
Moon: *waning gibbous, leo (fire/fixed)
Earth: snowy and messy in Pittsburgh, clearing to bright sun in Lancaster
Thoughts: discussing fiction writing and strategy with Jeff a lot, as well as blogging as a medium and why there is so much hostility in response to critiques of the current approach to reader involvement and commenting policy (gods am I sick of this discussion); in the drive to Lancaster, discussed a bit with Jeff about feeling so much pressure to always be "go! go! go!" all the time and how it's partly connected to the kids, I think, and this idea that in order to count as an "adult" and a "real" stepmom I have to be constantly working and driving myself into the ground (or the kids themselves will demand more, simply because of the expectations of constant busyness they're used to from their mom)
Actions: up early in the morning and got on the road to Lancaster; during the drive, read Jeff the beginning of the novel manuscript I started several years ago to get his opinion on it; had a pizza lunch and hung out with the family in the afternoon (watched "Ancient Aliens" show on the History Channel and napped on the couch); then headed to Long Wood Gardens to see the lights and the conservatory, had dinner in their restaurant and then drove back home
Connections: completely wiped out and exhausted, so just hanging around was enjoyable, and Jeff and I went to be fairly early after reading a bit; again, I feel anxious (a) to indulge in some deeper thinking and analytical thought than what time is affording me at the moment and (b) to indulge in some imaginative creative writing and fiction stuff, though again, I feel under such pressure time-wise; not sure how to balance this; sometimes I want to just step away on a retreat of some kind without having the kids (un)intentionally guilt tripping me for not paying them tons of attention; yesterday, it was impossible to try to get any contractor work done without one of the kids stepping in to ask questions every ten to twenty minutes (which makes me think they don't have a very good example of a work-from-home parent who expects quiet and unbroken concentration) - which is especially odd since they came to me instead of going to Jeff, who was available and not busy trying to do something else; all in all, I'm happy to be away from all that for a few days, even if it means being here with my parents and having a different kind of stress to deal with
(Note: This post was backdated.)
Sun: capricorn (earth/cardinal), 7:41am - 4:58pm
Moon: *waning gibbous, leo (fire/fixed)
Earth: snowy and messy in Pittsburgh, clearing to bright sun in Lancaster
Thoughts: discussing fiction writing and strategy with Jeff a lot, as well as blogging as a medium and why there is so much hostility in response to critiques of the current approach to reader involvement and commenting policy (gods am I sick of this discussion); in the drive to Lancaster, discussed a bit with Jeff about feeling so much pressure to always be "go! go! go!" all the time and how it's partly connected to the kids, I think, and this idea that in order to count as an "adult" and a "real" stepmom I have to be constantly working and driving myself into the ground (or the kids themselves will demand more, simply because of the expectations of constant busyness they're used to from their mom)
Actions: up early in the morning and got on the road to Lancaster; during the drive, read Jeff the beginning of the novel manuscript I started several years ago to get his opinion on it; had a pizza lunch and hung out with the family in the afternoon (watched "Ancient Aliens" show on the History Channel and napped on the couch); then headed to Long Wood Gardens to see the lights and the conservatory, had dinner in their restaurant and then drove back home
Connections: completely wiped out and exhausted, so just hanging around was enjoyable, and Jeff and I went to be fairly early after reading a bit; again, I feel anxious (a) to indulge in some deeper thinking and analytical thought than what time is affording me at the moment and (b) to indulge in some imaginative creative writing and fiction stuff, though again, I feel under such pressure time-wise; not sure how to balance this; sometimes I want to just step away on a retreat of some kind without having the kids (un)intentionally guilt tripping me for not paying them tons of attention; yesterday, it was impossible to try to get any contractor work done without one of the kids stepping in to ask questions every ten to twenty minutes (which makes me think they don't have a very good example of a work-from-home parent who expects quiet and unbroken concentration) - which is especially odd since they came to me instead of going to Jeff, who was available and not busy trying to do something else; all in all, I'm happy to be away from all that for a few days, even if it means being here with my parents and having a different kind of stress to deal with
(Note: This post was backdated.)
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Daily Diary
Sun: capricorn (earth/cardinal), 7:40am - 4:57pm
Moon: *full moon, cancer (water/cardinal)
Earth: cold, blustery, snow flurries
Thoughts: discussing issues of romanticizing poverty and mental illness in fantasy/sci-fi fiction and getting into some thoughts on writing good fiction; otherwise, mostly focused on work and trying to get everything done
Actions: work several hours in the morning and afternoon; just before and after lunch, helping the kids finish their craft project ornaments; after Jeff dropped the kids off, spending time cleaning, doing laundry, getting the house ready and packing our bags to be ready to leave
Connections: mostly my focus has been on simply getting things done and plugging away at particular tasks, or when I'm not doing that, trying to plan the best, most efficient way to accomplish everything; I worry sometimes that my brain will go soft if I don't have the time to do some deep analytical thinking in the midst of all of this....
(Note: This post was backdated.)
Moon: *full moon, cancer (water/cardinal)
Earth: cold, blustery, snow flurries
Thoughts: discussing issues of romanticizing poverty and mental illness in fantasy/sci-fi fiction and getting into some thoughts on writing good fiction; otherwise, mostly focused on work and trying to get everything done
Actions: work several hours in the morning and afternoon; just before and after lunch, helping the kids finish their craft project ornaments; after Jeff dropped the kids off, spending time cleaning, doing laundry, getting the house ready and packing our bags to be ready to leave
Connections: mostly my focus has been on simply getting things done and plugging away at particular tasks, or when I'm not doing that, trying to plan the best, most efficient way to accomplish everything; I worry sometimes that my brain will go soft if I don't have the time to do some deep analytical thinking in the midst of all of this....
(Note: This post was backdated.)
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Daily Diary
Days of Note: Full Moon, Full Lunar Eclipse, Winter Solstice, Alban Arthuan
Sun: cusp of capricorn (earth/cardinal), 7:40am - 4:57pm, solstice, longest night
Moon: *full moon, cancer (water/cardinal), full lunar eclipse (early this morning)
Earth: cloudy this morning clearing to sunny and just below freezing
Thoughts: mostly thinking about how the kids were enjoying their solstice and what was next on the agenda; some thoughts on money, since we flubbed a bit on who was paying for what and so had to swing by the bank at one point, but feeling overall quite confident about the situation
Actions: alarm went off a 2am so that Jeff could check and see if we'd be able to see the lunar eclipse through the cloud cover, but unfortunately it was too cloudy to see anything, so we went back to bed and let the kids sleep through the night; woke the kids up around 7am to get dressed and ready to trek to the park to greet the rising sun, brought along our bird seed "ornaments" and garlands of popcorn, and hung them from the trees at the top of the hill while singing songs to the new sun; returned home to open presents - all of which were a big hit, but especially (Grandma) Lannie's big stuffed bears for everyone; after presents, we swung by the bank real quick for cash, then headed to Pamela's for a Solstice Brunch, which everyone thoroughly enjoyed; after that, we headed out to B&N for the kids to use their gift cards, along with the gift cards from Lannie last year that had been lost and then recovered, so the kids ended up being able to get tons of books and crafts that they picked out; we spent the rest of the afternoon reading and/or doing the crafts and games they'd got, or playing with their bears, or sketching with their new colored pencils and sketch pad (meanwhile, after a short nap with Jeff, I helped the kids do the next step in their ornament craft projects so they'll be ready tomorrow); early evening, we ordered pizza for a special Solstice Pizza Party (and made Josh's frozen pizza sans corn), then everyone changed into pajamas and we had our nightly reading of Lord of the Rings before finally going to bed
Connections: I'm exhausted, but I'm very glad the kids had such an excellent holiday; I really feel as though these past few days with the kids have given us a chance to "bond" (as corny as that sounds) and get to know each other better; I know we've had them for weeks at a time in the past, but often during those weeks I've had to work, whereas now I can work from home and squeeze in a few hours here and there, while still spending time with the kids during big chunks of the day (tomorrow will be a lots-of-work day for me, though, so I can get in some hours this week while still being able to take Christmas off with the family); I took lots of pictures, so eventually they'll make their way onto here
Daily Tarot Card: The Devil (XV) is a card of temptation and addiction, the pursuit of pleasures at the expense of others and the ensnarement of willing souls in the bondage of materialism and overindulgence. Yet at the same time, the instinct to self-presevation and self-protection that can lead us mistakenly into greed and defensiveness can at other times be an appropriate and necessary response that will help us survive during difficult times when otherwise our sense of self might be threatened or overwhelmed by external forces. The figure in the card hunches over and huddles cold and alone, harassed by the dancing devil above - yet the key to freedom is within reach.
(My note: I was ensure what this card had to do with anything, so I drew a clarification card, especially since I've skipped my daily tarot two nights in a row.)
The Five of Pentacles is a card of disconnection and difficulty, in some ways indicating a spiritual or possibly material poverty, and a insufficient attention to the signs and messages of both one's physical body and one's inner world of soul and heart. Indications of hope and help may go unheeded or unappreciated, though they exist all around. As in the card of The Devil, the figure in the Five of Cups sits hunched over and huddled into herself, willfully blind to the opportunities and beauties all around. Yet there is always a chance for renewal and reconnection, especially if we are willing to let go of unhealthy or unhelpful patterns, re-center ourselves and turn our attention and attending once again to the integrity of the inner and outer worlds.
(My note: I am not sure what these cards may indicate, except perhaps that I really pushed myself to the point of exhaustion today and set aside concerns of mental and physical health - like eating well - for the sake of "enjoying the holiday with the kids." I may have to meditate more on what these cards indicate, or discuss them with Jeff. Or perhaps just seek some rest and relaxation over the next few days and remember to turn my attention again to my goddess and my spiritual work.)
Sun: cusp of capricorn (earth/cardinal), 7:40am - 4:57pm, solstice, longest night
Moon: *full moon, cancer (water/cardinal), full lunar eclipse (early this morning)
Earth: cloudy this morning clearing to sunny and just below freezing
Thoughts: mostly thinking about how the kids were enjoying their solstice and what was next on the agenda; some thoughts on money, since we flubbed a bit on who was paying for what and so had to swing by the bank at one point, but feeling overall quite confident about the situation
Actions: alarm went off a 2am so that Jeff could check and see if we'd be able to see the lunar eclipse through the cloud cover, but unfortunately it was too cloudy to see anything, so we went back to bed and let the kids sleep through the night; woke the kids up around 7am to get dressed and ready to trek to the park to greet the rising sun, brought along our bird seed "ornaments" and garlands of popcorn, and hung them from the trees at the top of the hill while singing songs to the new sun; returned home to open presents - all of which were a big hit, but especially (Grandma) Lannie's big stuffed bears for everyone; after presents, we swung by the bank real quick for cash, then headed to Pamela's for a Solstice Brunch, which everyone thoroughly enjoyed; after that, we headed out to B&N for the kids to use their gift cards, along with the gift cards from Lannie last year that had been lost and then recovered, so the kids ended up being able to get tons of books and crafts that they picked out; we spent the rest of the afternoon reading and/or doing the crafts and games they'd got, or playing with their bears, or sketching with their new colored pencils and sketch pad (meanwhile, after a short nap with Jeff, I helped the kids do the next step in their ornament craft projects so they'll be ready tomorrow); early evening, we ordered pizza for a special Solstice Pizza Party (and made Josh's frozen pizza sans corn), then everyone changed into pajamas and we had our nightly reading of Lord of the Rings before finally going to bed
Connections: I'm exhausted, but I'm very glad the kids had such an excellent holiday; I really feel as though these past few days with the kids have given us a chance to "bond" (as corny as that sounds) and get to know each other better; I know we've had them for weeks at a time in the past, but often during those weeks I've had to work, whereas now I can work from home and squeeze in a few hours here and there, while still spending time with the kids during big chunks of the day (tomorrow will be a lots-of-work day for me, though, so I can get in some hours this week while still being able to take Christmas off with the family); I took lots of pictures, so eventually they'll make their way onto here
Daily Tarot Card: The Devil (XV) is a card of temptation and addiction, the pursuit of pleasures at the expense of others and the ensnarement of willing souls in the bondage of materialism and overindulgence. Yet at the same time, the instinct to self-presevation and self-protection that can lead us mistakenly into greed and defensiveness can at other times be an appropriate and necessary response that will help us survive during difficult times when otherwise our sense of self might be threatened or overwhelmed by external forces. The figure in the card hunches over and huddles cold and alone, harassed by the dancing devil above - yet the key to freedom is within reach.
(My note: I was ensure what this card had to do with anything, so I drew a clarification card, especially since I've skipped my daily tarot two nights in a row.)
The Five of Pentacles is a card of disconnection and difficulty, in some ways indicating a spiritual or possibly material poverty, and a insufficient attention to the signs and messages of both one's physical body and one's inner world of soul and heart. Indications of hope and help may go unheeded or unappreciated, though they exist all around. As in the card of The Devil, the figure in the Five of Cups sits hunched over and huddled into herself, willfully blind to the opportunities and beauties all around. Yet there is always a chance for renewal and reconnection, especially if we are willing to let go of unhealthy or unhelpful patterns, re-center ourselves and turn our attention and attending once again to the integrity of the inner and outer worlds.
(My note: I am not sure what these cards may indicate, except perhaps that I really pushed myself to the point of exhaustion today and set aside concerns of mental and physical health - like eating well - for the sake of "enjoying the holiday with the kids." I may have to meditate more on what these cards indicate, or discuss them with Jeff. Or perhaps just seek some rest and relaxation over the next few days and remember to turn my attention again to my goddess and my spiritual work.)
Labels:
*,
capricorn,
diary,
eclipse,
full moon,
holiday,
major arcana,
solstice,
tarot - 5 pentacles,
tarot - devil,
tarot - pentacles,
winter
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)