Daily Diary

Days of Note: driving to Lancaster to visit the family

Sun: capricorn (earth/cardinal), 7:41am - 4:58pm
Moon: *waning gibbous, leo (fire/fixed)
Earth: snowy and messy in Pittsburgh, clearing to bright sun in Lancaster

Thoughts: discussing fiction writing and strategy with Jeff a lot, as well as blogging as a medium and why there is so much hostility in response to critiques of the current approach to reader involvement and commenting policy (gods am I sick of this discussion); in the drive to Lancaster, discussed a bit with Jeff about feeling so much pressure to always be "go! go! go!" all the time and how it's partly connected to the kids, I think, and this idea that in order to count as an "adult" and a "real" stepmom I have to be constantly working and driving myself into the ground (or the kids themselves will demand more, simply because of the expectations of constant busyness they're used to from their mom)

Actions: up early in the morning and got on the road to Lancaster; during the drive, read Jeff the beginning of the novel manuscript I started several years ago to get his opinion on it; had a pizza lunch and hung out with the family in the afternoon (watched "Ancient Aliens" show on the History Channel and napped on the couch); then headed to Long Wood Gardens to see the lights and the conservatory, had dinner in their restaurant and then drove back home

Connections: completely wiped out and exhausted, so just hanging around was enjoyable, and Jeff and I went to be fairly early after reading a bit; again, I feel anxious (a) to indulge in some deeper thinking and analytical thought than what time is affording me at the moment and (b) to indulge in some imaginative creative writing and fiction stuff, though again, I feel under such pressure time-wise; not sure how to balance this; sometimes I want to just step away on a retreat of some kind without having the kids (un)intentionally guilt tripping me for not paying them tons of attention; yesterday, it was impossible to try to get any contractor work done without one of the kids stepping in to ask questions every ten to twenty minutes (which makes me think they don't have a very good example of a work-from-home parent who expects quiet and unbroken concentration) - which is especially odd since they came to me instead of going to Jeff, who was available and not busy trying to do something else; all in all, I'm happy to be away from all that for a few days, even if it means being here with my parents and having a different kind of stress to deal with

(Note: This post was backdated.)