Not sure how three months slipped by without an entry. Oh, wait... yes I do. (a) A new job, and (b) I rather hate the new blogger dashboard layout.
Updates? We haz them.
The new podcast project has been an amazing success, and we're nearing the end of our first season with hundreds of listeners. I'm working regularly, perhaps a bit too much... there were times throughout the past three months, because of the rush to keep ahead of schedule with this summer's craziness, that I was close to burn out — August will be a nice break. My hope is that we will hit a stride that will let me work consistently but not obsessively (they say the first few months of a new job are always the hardest). I also feel as though some of the more subtler transformative effects are starting to work their way in, as well. Hard to articulate exactly, but I feel as though I have a new focus to my work and a vision for this project that I'm following, and it's become much easier to tune out the online social media noise that used to feel so overwhelming and drag me so far off center. In general I feel more confident about my work and happier doing it, instead of feeling like it's pulling teeth. The down side: I am not writing as much, either for my personal blog or No Unsacred Place. But I'm writing just as consistently for both as I would during my times of writer's block back when that was all I was doing, so maybe it just feels like slacking off compared to the huge amount of work I put into the podcast regularly.
On the writing front, though, I do have a new writing gig: a column for SageWoman Magazine. On top of my column with Aontacht Magazine, I'm feeling pretty happy about my writing. I think I actually prefer writing magazine columns to blog posts, the format lends itself to more thoughtful writing with more time for reflection (and revision!) in between each.
The child custody issue culminated when Emily took Jeff to court (because a father wanting to see his kids is a punishable offense, now? she asked for a "relief hearing" because, in her bizarre world, Jeff was the one being stubborn). Anyway, the judge was buddy-buddy with Emily's lawyer and sang Emily's praises for being a noble homeschooling stay-at-home mom (without ever asking for any evidence of Emily's assertions that this way of homeschooling, on a schedule that just would not allow the kids to be away from her for more than a couple weeks at a time, was absolutely necessary and "best for the kids"). So Jeff, who had no lawyer, didn't really get a fair hearing at all, and the judge left him alone in the room with Emily and her lawyer acting as mediator, clearly not impartial or fair. Even so, in the end, they agreed to all of Jeff's requests except Emily refused to allow more than four weeks with the kids. Still, four weeks is better than the two she was originally demanding. Still, the illogic and injustice of it galls me, and when I'm stressed I do still find myself back in that courtroom, playing out all the things I could have said or done, ways that I could have humiliated Emily for being a controlling, selfish bitch. As it is, it seems they found me intimidating enough (her lawyer had a minor freak-out and accused me of "making fun of her," like we were back in middle school, and in response to nothing more than me smiling across the court room at my husband). But before we went into court, Jeff and I agreed that we'd done everything we could and it was in the gods' hands, and I trust that everything will work out for the best. All along, what we've wanted most is some kind of reasonable resolution instead of this endless game of Emily saying no but never giving us her own terms, or when she did, terms that were so vague that they were clearly an excuse to whittle away at Jeff's time with the kids after the fact. Now at least he has firm dates set, and she can kiss our asses. (I won't even go into the ridiculous song-and-dance they did about Christmas, and how panicked they looked when I pointed out that none of the kids four parents, nor the kids themselves, are Christian.... like I was just about to spoil Emily's whole good-suburban-Christian-mom routine.)
So Jeff is with the kids up in New Hampshire now, along with Melanie, and they've been having a great time, except for all the other stuff going on (like Melanie not feeling well, and Biff potentially needing to go back into the hospital while she's away, and the summer being unusually hot up in New England). I miss him a lot, but it's been good to have the place to myself for a little while. Well, me and Cu.
I've pretty well trained Cu not to bite, finally, after Leah let us know (she cat-sat while we were away back east for the court hearing and visiting my parents) that he was biting her when she came to check on him. Playful nips, nothing mean-spirited, but that's not acceptable. I was being too lenient with him anyway, and it's been easier to break him of the habit with just the two of us, since he can't just turn to daddy for affection and ignore me ignoring him for being naughty.
What else? I did finally unpack some of our sacred objects and set up and rededicate the indoor and outdoor altars like I'd planned to when we first moved in. I'm doing daily devotionals at the indoor altars now, which is good. I'll take a picture or two to post here eventually, at some point. The indoor altar isn't quite complete, as we still need to incorporate certain symbols for Jeff's deities and mine and decide if any other items need to be included. The outdoor altar is very simple, as usual, just a candle, a vase of cut flowers, te wind chimes and a bowl of sea shells.
I bought a treadmill and a standing desk / drafting table so that, eventually, I can walk while I work. My work on the computer doing research and writing has started to take up a lot of my time, and I haven't been as good about exercising as I want to be, so getting a treadmill seemed like a good solution. I've had it two days, and I'm enjoying being able to move while I work — it helps my concentration and lets me work up a good sweat. I just need to find a more comfortable way to type while I walk, and I'll be good to go.
I've started doing Tai Chi in the mornings. It rocks.
I got an iPad. Forgot to mention that — it was a (somewhat early) birthday present from my parents, and I have to admit, it's even better than I was expecting. I'm using it regularly for ebook reading and researching articles for the podcast, plus there are some really useful nature apps, like flora and fauna guides and moon calendars and such. And productivity apps that are useful. And some pretty nifty drawing apps that I've played around with some (though I haven't been as good about keeping up with my naturalist journal as I'd been hoping). So, yes, I'm very pleased with it. It will work as a good replacement when this laptop finally goes (it's on its last legs now) and I get a desktop family computer for Jeff and I to use so he doesn't have to use his work laptop when we're at home.
I think the hardest thing about getting used to Seattle has been not living near any parks. The SVN training and teaching is fantastic, but it's not exactly "alone time" in the woods like I used to have with Frick just a block away. As much as I love our place, it's very hard for me to not be near a park I can walk to — much harder than I expected, actually. I realized that it's the first time in my life that I haven't had some sort of wooded park within a few blocks.... which means, until now, I've been very, very lucky. It also means I need to work on finding alternatives and ways to cope. It's been hard.
Setting up the altars again has helped somewhat. It also helped when, for my flamekeeping shift the other night, I went whole-hog and performed a full ritual, complete with circle casting and calling the quarters and the traditional prayers and such. I attended a summer solstice event with Jeff and Leah put on by the local OBOD group, and it was really fantastic (in the community sense, if not an amazing, elaborate ritual or anything), and it made me realize just how much I've fought against being too "revivalist" in my Druidry, especially with pressure from people online who all seem to be taking the hard line towards reconstructionist polytheism. Being Wiccan now is almost taboo to hear people talk, and yet.... it's startling to me to discover that in many ways, I'm closer to that spirituality than I will ever be to a reconstructionist. Trying to embrace that has been part of this growing confidence I have about my own path, and moving away from being so reactionary and governed by the opinions of others online (even when I didn't realize that's what was happening).
It's led me to rededicate myself to the Living Druidry work that Jeff and I were doing together when we first began dating several years ago, and that turned out to be so fruitful for me at the time. Once Jeff is home, he's agreed that we'll make weekly trips to the local woods (probably Carkeek) to do our meditations and rituals in the evenings the way we were doing back then, and I hope that will help some with my restlessness at not being close to the woods.
Just yesterday was the new Claim Song Moon. I'll be journaling some about the various topics for contemplation included in this month's lesson.
So I think that about covers it.
I really miss Pittsburgh. I miss hanging out with Arthur. I miss Frick Park. I miss hot summers (though not as hot as they've been having this year!). I am still not really settled here. I still don't know what the seasons are like, little things like that. When I think about how long we've been here already and how it still doesn't quite feel like home — and yet when we were back in Pittsburgh and Lancaster briefly, that didn't feel like home either, really — I start to feel a little bit panicked, like... what if I'll never really feel at home again? What if this is what it's going to be like from now on, just one issue after another, one stress-ball after another, always something new, always a new project, always a new controversy, a new issue to deal with, a new way in which I'm discovering how inherently limited my perspective is and yet surrounded always by people who aren't forgiving or patient but full of self-righteous anger.....
It's not that I'm not happy. I have been very happy and feeling energized and optimistic recently, and having good work that I love doing is a big part of that. But happiness and joy... they're different. And I do sometimes still feel homesick.
The neighbors are having quite a party across the street. I'm going to bed to read some and snuggle with my Cu.
