Diary - Badger Stone

Days of Note: Flamekeeping

Sun: leo (fixed fire), 6:10 AM - 8:43 PM
Moon: waning crescent, taurus (fixed earth)
Earth: hot and gray most of the day, with skies clearing to steamy blue later in the afternoon, at least a bit cooler than the past several days when we've had a heat advisory in effect and stiffing weather

Badger Stone

During my flamekeeping shift this time, I wanted to work more with Badger, especially considering my intuition that Badger has some kind of relationship with Brighid (though I'm not sure exactly what). Another connection that occurred to me last night as I was hillwalking (more on that in a moment) is that Lady Gregory describes the goddess Brighid as having a face which is half fair and beautiful, and half dark and hideous — and though it is not divided down the middle in half, because of the black-and-white strips you could think of Badger, too, as having both a light and a dark face.

So before my shift began last night, I went hillwalking through the woods with the intention of finding a stone for Badger to sit on my altar. I had gotten it into my head at some point that it was vital to find an icon or statue of some kind for Badger to "live in" on my altar, an object I could involve in ritual and give offerings to — and so I'd spent some time over the last week looking online for a suitable item. I found a few ceramic figurines and such, and one or two carved out of wood and painted, but none seemed to suit. Then the idea occurred to me that finding a stone to decorate on my own would be the best idea — I started referring to it as a "Badger Stone" and that just seemed right and fitting. So last night after dinner, about an hour before sunset and the start of my flamekeeping shift, I headed out into the woods to search for a stone, most likely from the cave that overlooks the ravine near the rock outcropping where I like to sit and meditate. I asked Brighid to guide my steps as I went, and I took along my pouch of herbal and seed offerings as well as a small jar of water to pour in libation to the land. I also brought along my iPod; I just downloaded some drumming audio to help with journey work, and one of the songs I found was from an album dedicated to different animal spirits and totems, this song for Badger. I put this song on repeat to listen to while I walked.

The trance state I ended up in was pretty intense, thanks in part to the drumming and in part to the intense heat. Walking through the woods was practically like being in a sweat lodge in any case, especially as I got into the dimmer areas back in the forest aways, and I was dripping sweat and pretty deep in a meditative state while I walked. I had the visceral, powerful experience of being able to "see" the spirits of things around me, faces peering at me from the trees and stones and fallen logs and bits of bramble and underbrush — not my imagination, but like the chaotic natural patterns of texture, light and shadow resolving themselves into very clear faces and shapes that didn't go away even after a second, closer look.

This actually made choosing a stone a bit difficult, because I was hoping to be strolling along waiting for a particular stone to jump out at me... but instead, every single stone I saw seemed to be alive and aware, asserting itself in my presence. Instead of being able to just pick up whatever stone appealed to me, I found myself having to use discernment and actually assess the character or presence of the stones, inquiring which would be amenable to becoming an altar object and "home" for Badger. Some stones just had too much self-presence to be appropriate (including one that seemed to practically beg to be brought back, so much that I almost chose it in the end, but then decided against it). When I made it to the place near the cave, I took a step or two off the path towards the entrance, and almost immediately saw a stone that looked perfect. I bent down and picked it up, then sat in the entrance to the cave for a time holding the stone and asking permission from the stone itself, the land and finally from Badger if this would be an appropriate stone to work with. At one point, Badger seemed to put his paw on top of the stone in my hand and weigh it down slightly so that I felt a warmth and pressure, as though he were trying to bring it closer for examination. Just after this, I noticed a pattern in the texture of the stone itself that seemed to be a face — like that of an old man — peering out at me, and I asked if he was the stone's spirit and, if so, if he was willing to either share his home with Badger or remain in the woods with the other stones. I felt like I couldn't get a clear answer — so I decided I would bring the stone back with me and do some discernment work through meditation during my actual flamekeeping ritual at sunset. So I left a small scattering of offerings at the place where I found the stone, and poured a libation there too (in part hoping to sort of coax the stone's spirit to stay in the woods and take up a new home there), and then I headed home.

When I got back home, I drank a ton of water and had some chocolate to help ground me and come out of trance. It did help immensely, though it took longer to get back to a normal state of consciousness than I was anticipating (I even saw the faces in the water rippling within my glass as I drank — how hard it is to eat or drink anything, or even leave offerings, when absolutely everything seems so alive and sentient and bursting with presence!).

About half an hour later, I got everything prepared for my flamekeeping ritual, lit my candles and incense and did my usual routine of prayers and welcome to Brighid as I begun my shift. This time, I also asked her help on this creative project that I was hoping to do during my shift this round. I took a moment to go into the bathroom and scrub down the stone I'd found and cleanse it in a mundane way — and then I came back to the altar and spend time smudging and cleansing it with incense smoke and Awen-breaths, turning it over and over so that the smoke clung and spiraled around it in the candle light. It was quite beautiful! While doing this, I did some light meditation seeking to know if this was a good stone for the work I intended. At one point, as I turned the stone over in my hands, I glimpsed it at an angle I hadn't seen it at before, and there in the dancing shadows made by the candle and the texture of the stone itself was a badger face peering at me! So I took that as the signal that yes, this would be a good stone to use after all.

After cleansing and smudging it, I did a Three Realms Working to connect with the energies of the land, sky and sea and blessed and changed the stone. I finished up my flamekeeping ritual and set the stone on the shelf above my bed next to the still-lit candle that would remain lit all night as part of my shift. (This may not have been a great idea — or perhaps I didn't ground well enough after my ritual work — because I found it difficult to sleep all night and tossed and turned with excess energy.)

This afternoon after Jeff took the kids back to their mom's, I returned to the work. I set up the paints and everything I would need, and I browsed some pictures of badgers online to make sure I knew what I was going for. Then, I put on my iPod again with the Badger drumming song on repeat, and got to work. First I traced an outline of Badger on a sheet of paper in pencil based on some of the images I'd found and the texture and contours of the stone, then I transferred the drawing to the stone itself with a pencil, which I then went over again with a thin black permanent marker. Next, I painted the white layer, followed by the black, and at last the nose and two small brown eyes. In between each coat/color, I allowed the paint to dry while meditating in light trance and smudging the stone further with incense burning nearby. The stone was almost complete — but I'd left the eyes a plain brown, not yet giving them black pupils. At this point, I stopped and made offerings to Badger, slicing off a hunk of chocolate and cracking open a beer to pour (these being pretty much the best food in the house at the moment), also eating a small piece of chocolate and taking a small sip of beer for myself to honor the place within myself where I would make a welcome home for Badger.

I then closed the curtains, turned off the lights and closed my eyes, going into deeper trance to the sound of the drums and seeking to present the stone to Badger for approval before putting on the finishing touch and bringing the stone "alive." I spent about fifteen minutes in trance, during which time I went to the Angel Oak tree, called to Badger and then followed him trundling through woods and field back to his burrow, where he seemed to be gathering himself up and straightening things as though in preparation. After a while of this, Badger turned to me and once again put a damp, heavy paw on my upturned palm where I held the almost-finished stone. This time, when he removed his paw, it left a wet, damp paw mark that seemed to absorb into the stone itself. He seemed to smile and laugh and joke about the "likeness" of the stone — and then we came back together and I danced him for a while in my own body (though I have to admit, Badger seems to expect a sense of rhythm and coordination from me that I don't possess!). After dancing Badger for a short time, I invited him into the stone itself. I put the finishing touches on the stone by giving the eyes dark pupils. I blessed the stone again with three Awen-breaths, and as the incense was just burning down, I headed outside into the backyard to place the plate of offerings amongst the flowers in the garden bed. While outside, I got the feeling that Badger wanted to be "introduced" to the world in his new stone, so I held the stone to each of the four directions with greetings of peace and blessings from the East, South, West and North, as well as the presence of the Three Realms.

Then I headed back inside to write this journal entry. It's about an hour and a half until sundown and the end of my flamekeeping shift, so I may write a follow-up post then (or maybe not). I feel as though I haven't done any divination in a while, so I might do a drawing... or maybe not. We'll see. This work on the Badger Stone feels like it's taken a lot out of me, so I might just rest for the remainder of the evening.

Below is a picture of the completed Badger Stone.

What's Next for LotS?

My responses to questions about "What's next?" for the Lady of the Stars group.

I've been... avoiding answering these questions, and I'm not sure why. Partly wanting to see what everyone else is saying and going off to mull over those responses, but also for some other reasons I'm not exactly sure of. Anyway, ::deep breath:: here goes....

What do you want out of this group?

I... don't know. So - in the interest of complete honesty - sometimes I feel like my connection with the Lady/Brighid is very tenuous, on the edge of being "just in my head" and I feel like even though I'm all right with the theoretical/theologizing side, I struggle a lot with the actual belief side of things. But when this group first came together and we were planning ritual and sharing experiences and just having lots of conversation, I felt like that whole community process helped me a great deal to really cultivate a real relationship with Her. Some of you have such profound insights to share, and being able to work with others who are also building relationship with Her is immensely inspiring and helpful to me. So I want that from the group. I'm not sure if it's the ritual, or the conversation, or the meditative work - I feel like I got a lot out of each of those and I definitely want more of them - whatever it was in particular, this group helped me to really feel that She was in my life in a powerful way. Wherever we end up going, it's that sense of Her presence in our work that I really want.

What are different avenues you want to explore (ritual work, meditation, etc)?

I would like to explore more ritual work. In part because I really love writing liturgy, either on my own or collaboratively, and in part because I think sometimes without the structure or the commitment there, I tend not to do very much ritual (I'm a bit of a lazy ritualist) even though I think it is good for me and for my spiritual life. So having you folks around to kick me in the butt when I need it, definitely!

Also, I think someone (M.?) mentioned about writing or journaling prompts? I'd like more creative project prompts in general - these work really well for me, maybe even better than meditation prompts. With meditation, again, I think I'm just lazy, but I love writing and working on crafting a story or poem or prayer, so it's easier to keep my focus and feel like I'm working at something - whereas sometimes I just do meditation and, um, nothing happens. ;)

What do you feel you can bring to the group?

Um - an unrealistic enthusiasm bordering on obsession? In mundane terms, I'm in a position where I have the flexibility with my time and energy where I usually can devote a lot to simple group maintenance and stuff when necessary (and after I'm done with this f**k**fr***ing wedding planning, I'll have even more). I also think I tend to be very analytical and fascinated with the theology side of things, worrying away at paradoxes or inconsistencies in my own ideas or in others', like a dog worrying a bone... which sometimes can be useful, though sometimes not. I offer that to the group for what it's worth. (For some reason just now, I got an image of those carved offerings they've found in the shafts of old wells in Ireland and Britain, that could be interpreted either as a pair of eyes, or a pair of breasts. So I guess I'm sometimes insightful, sometimes a complete boob?)

What are some reservations or fears you might have?

I guess my two biggest fears are that, on the one hand, I'm too needy and on the other, I'm too analytical, and that this is a bad combination and prevents me from really connecting well with you guys or being able to spur the kind of group cohesion and inspiration I feel like I want to or wish I could. I'm not sure why this is such a big fear for me... I think I echo Finn's thoughts, too, about worrying about the group losing focus or clarity - and then getting it in my head that somehow I need to be responsible for making sure that doesn't happen (while worrying about simultaneously coming across as both too pushy and too needy). This is the whole trust/faith/belief thing for me again, though, I guess - trying to think that spark of community and creativity into being instead of just allowing it to happen or trusting in the Lady to do what She needs/wants to do with it.

Reflections on Ritual and Offerings

A response to Bob's post on the DOTR Network about the role of offerings and other aspects of ritual.

I have to admit that I'd already seen that article, and it annoyed me. My honors thesis work was in ritual theory, so I have an academic background in the subject that focused not only on the religious/spiritual significance of ritual in various world traditions, but also on the socio-political and aesthetic aspects of ritual practice. Coming from that perspective, that article sounded to me an awful lot like someone who attended a ritual, felt uncomfortable with the social atmosphere or the particular aesthetics used, and so projected her discomfort onto the gods by claiming or warning that they would be displeased.

This is not the first time that a Heathen blogger on Patheos has made complaints about others "doing it wrong" when it comes to ritual. I'm not sure if this is a common theme among Heathens more than other Pagan traditions, or just a coincidence, but I know I have also talked with Heathens who see the purpose of offerings to the gods as a kind of appeasement to get the gods to leave them alone. One Heathen actually compared worshipping the gods to living in your parents' house - it's nice that they pay the bills and take care of most of the responsibilities, but that doesn't mean you want them hanging around getting into your business and it's better when they're content to leave you alone. This sounds like a pretty adolescent approach to me, honestly.

I think this is one of the big issues with ritual in Paganism, especially because the Pagan umbrella is so diverse and it sometimes doesn't share a theological perspective even among members of the same group. Without a foundation in theology of some kind, ritual can quickly devolve into superstition. There are many reasons why rituals can feel powerful or feel like failures, and they don't all have to do with whether or not you've authentically connected with Spirit or the gods. The emotional, psychological, aesthetic, social and even physiological aspects all play a role in addition to the spiritual. And discerning when authentic spiritual work has been done is something I think best left up to the group who has done the work to develop and engage with the ritual practice, rather than an outsider sitting in and making judgements.

That said, I think Blaidd brings up some really good questions in his post - the practical question of what is done with the offerings perhaps being one of the more important ones. It seems to me that if ritual and offerings is to avoid becoming mere superstition, then it must be all about relationship at its core. But that means it also can't be something as simple as "our ancestors were scared of the Sidhe, so they must be appeased so they don't cause trouble" - this seems about as disrespectful to me as it would be disrespectful and prejudiced to say, "Don't walk through that neighborhood; a lot of black people live there and my parents have always said black people are dangerous." I think in general, gods and other beings, and animals for that matter, are similar to human beings: when you approach with respect and kindness in the interest of being as open and attentive as you can to the needs and desires of the Other, whoever that other is, then you are far more likely to elicit respect and kindness in turn, and this eventually builds into a mutually loving relationship. It is in presuming a relationship or taking it for granted that the disrespect (and thus the danger) lies... but again, we can't always be the judge of how others' relationship with the gods expresses itself, either in ritual or in daily life.

Jeff and I already do offerings to our gods on a regular basis - pouring libations and burning incense are parts of my regular prayer/meditation routine, and we both wear certain symbolic pieces of jewelry and clothing that represent promises we have made to our deities or simply as a reminder to think of them and offer a prayer now and then. As part of my Flamekeeping shift with the Brigidine Cill I belong to, I tend a flame once every twenty days as part of my service to Brighid. And on major holy days, especially when we have the kids with us, we make ritual offerings of bird seed and such to the local woods (and wildlife) - and we also toss "silver in the water," coins into a small blue bowl of water on the altar, which Jeff and I then save up until we have enough to change in for money that we donate to a charity. Since we do much of this on our own, it's not a big deal to us if DOTR doesn't incorporate offerings into its group/public rituals. We have an established relationship with our gods, and if other gods are involved in a given ritual, we see it somewhat like going to a party at a friend's house and meeting their relatives - we're polite and respectful, but don't presume either any special relationship or any special attention as a result. (Of course, this can be a problem if the ritual involves gods that no one performing/attending the ritual actually does have a relationship with - because that's more like crashing someone else's party and expecting special treatment from the hosts.)

So those are my thoughts on the situation. Different situations will call for different types of ritual and offerings, and I see no reason why we can't continue to have public rituals open to anyone, as long as we don't treat the gods as "plug and play" components. Public rituals that involve offerings and prayers focused on the earth or the land can still be very effective without requiring a common agreed upon theology for the most part. But perhaps it would also benefit DOTR as a whole for regular members to help each other cultivate authentic relationships with the gods or beings that each members works with in their own practice as well as in group work?

A Druid in Modern Society

Something I wrote for The Cauldron's Neo-Druidry SIG that I thought I would post here — my response to the following questions:

What does it mean to be a Druid in modern society? What do you mean when you use the term Druid for yourself? Why are you a Druid instead of, say, a witch or a Celtic Recon? Conversely, do you find your Druidry informing any other spiritual path you walk?

Basically, this is the place to talk in lengthy detail about your Druidry!

Great questions! Hmm, trying to decide which one to start with....

Okay, what do I mean when I use the term Druid for myself? I mean that I am a practitioner of Druidry, a spiritual tradition that is represented by several modern groups and organizations (but definitely not reducible to any one of them), such as OBOD, AODA, ADF, TDN, DOTR, etc. I feel pretty comfortable using the term "Druid" for myself for two reasons. (1) Because I mean it in the same way I would call myself a "Christian" if I were practicing Christianity - I see Druidry as a religion, and it's just easiest to identify myself as a member of that religious tradition by using the term. Since it's pretty well acknowledged that we can't recreate ancient Celtic society, I don't worry about anyone mistaking me for a "real Druid" in that sense.

(2) The idea that ancient Druids were similar to a "priest/philosopher caste" in Celtic society and underwent 20+ years of training.... qualifies me as a Druid, damn it. ;) I've spent most of my life studying philosophy and religion through formal education, I have a degree in comparative religious studies ("priest") and have earned distinguished honors for my work in creative writing ("bard") and political philosophy ("adviser to kings"), along with experience as a political activist and vocal pacifist ("peacemaker"). I guess this is partly answering that first question, too - what does it mean to be a Druid in modern society. True, I didn't spend all those years self-identifying as a Druid... But what it means for me personally to think of myself as a Druid is striving to embody that role of the politically- and socially-engaged peacemaker whose community work is informed by an insight into aesthetics and poetry as well as the intellectual discipline and knowledge of the scholar or philosopher, and who brings to all of that work a deep sense of spiritual grounding and reverence for the gods and the sacredness of the earth.

Why I identify myself as a Druid and not a CR/Recon person (besides what others have mentioned about the lack of scholarly info and the practicality issue) is because the archetype of the Druid seems to place more emphasis on the synthesis and integration of all these different aspects into a deep and challenging path, whereas CR strikes me a bit more like a "folk religion," so to speak, where these roles are all still seen as separate specialties (if you know what I mean... not sure I'm really getting across my idea very well there). I actually started out exploring Paganism through the Wicca/Witchcraft lens (and every once in a while get an urge to explore Feri Witchcraft a bit more)... but it never really fit me, I didn't feel that sense of "homecoming" that I've heard a lot of others describe. Though I do believe in magic, I tend to understand it much more from an aesthetic/philosophical point of view. What really struck me was when I read an essay in an anthology about Druidry where the writer talked about the Witch archetype as that person living as a kind of outcast (a hag or whore) on the edge of town, whereas the Druid was deeply engaged in the heart of community working along with others and counseling them as an accepted and wise person. I resonated much more with the Druid archetype and the role of community and engagement than with the Witch archetype. :)

So.... is that too much?

Diary - Flamekeeping

Days of Note: Flamekeeping, Fourth of July/"Independence Day"

Sun: cancer (cardinal water), 5:55 AM - 8:54 PM
Moon: waxing crescent, virgo (mutable earth)
Earth: hot and muggy most of the day, occasional shower, then about an hour before sunset, a huge storm with thunder, lightning and hail - now, after dark, fireworks


My flamekeeping shift is soon coming to an end. I've spent most of today working on my response post (first of three parts) to my experiences and observations at the Wild Goose Festival back at the end of June - and trying very hard to ignore what day it is. But how could I think She would let me ignore it.

A storm blew through about an hour ago, with thunder and massive rain that gave way to the pounding of hail (and for the first time, I had the strange experience of fearing for my garden, as though I could imagine myself responsible for the plump little lives that sprung from hard-shelled seeds I did barely more than drop into the soil and encourage with hopeful glances and some occasional weeding). Now the sky to the west is suffused with rose and gold as the storm blows east to lap against the mountains. Jeff had been wishing for a storm all day, in hopes the rain would wash out and ruin the planned Fourth of July fireworks displays. It seems we often have thunder storms during my flamekeeping shifts.

I don't celebrate days like today. I am not a member of the civil religion of this country (though I happened to be born an American citizen, I do not subscribe to Americanism or, as most would call it, patriotism). And because I believe that rituals have power - even when we don't mean them to or believe them to - I do not participate in community rituals that glorify war and violence, that celebrate death and destruction, that serve only to reinforce the boundaries between a righteous Us and an untrustworthy Them.

But because the civil religion is a religion (whether its followers believe it to be or not), I also try as much as I can not to spend my time actively berating those who do participate. It's hard. Very, very hard.

What's harder is seeing Pagans promoting concepts like "Pagan-American" and hailing the invented piece of propaganda known as "Columbia" (named for a man who committed atrocities gleefully against the indigenous peoples of this land and who was denounced even by people in his own time for doing so) as though she were a goddess. Columbia is no more a goddess than Coca-Cola is a god - and I mean that in all its is/isn't tension and complexity.

I can't feel that it's anything but reprehensible and cruel to celebrate a "goddess of the land of America" under the name of a man who tortured and killed so many of those who once lived here. On a day when we supposedly celebrate and honor those brave men (mostly men) who fought for our independence from Britain, do we give any thought to who else they fought - do we remember how Washington earned his promotions through his campaigns against the natives? do we remember that it was not only freedom from colonial rule, but the freedom to rule over an occupied, colonized land that was won? And to turn around and hail the name Columbia! I would retch if I weren't so close to tears.

And Brigid is a goddess of justice, a goddess of peace... but she is also Mother to Sorrow, who saw her son cut down in battle and keened her grief unchecked by shame, a sorrow so all-encompassing it could only be a testament to love. Of course, she would bring me back to thoughts of the Fourth of July when I would rather have ignored it, let it go unmarked and unremarked. Do I have her courage, to wail in public grief, to allow my sorrow and anger to be a testament and song to the greatness of love and hope?

I don't want to. I don't think I have the courage, not this year. I'm tired of being the punching-bag token pacifist. I have no friends or family who made it home from war, I have no claim to respect that would keep the ridicule in check. I can protest until I'm blue in the face - say that though I hate war, I do not hate soldiers, say that though I work for peace, I am not an ideologue or even an idealist - but no one listens.

Except Brigid. Maybe she listens. And this was what brought me to her service, I remember now. I'd read so many descriptions of her, none of which had really rung true. Then I read Lady Gregory writing about her face, how half of it was beautiful and full of light, and half of it was dark and deformed and terrible. And I thought, yes, this I recognize, this is my goddess. Brigid of the Ruined Eye. Brigid, Mother to Sorrow, Lover to Darkness - and yet, Lady of Light, Guardian of Peace. Praise to you.

As polytheists, do we not have the freedom to choose, to worship what gods we will? I will worship the Lady of Star Fire, the holy triple flame who burns ashless, who works in the darkness. I will worship her in her fullness, not only what is beautiful and poetic, but what is wretched and awful and ugly with grief and sadness. I will honor her for her courage, her willingness to be vulnerable before the world. How could I have forgotten this about you, Brigid? Help me to remember. Help me to work in that same service - not only poetry and beauty, but the hard work of justice, the dirty old work of weakness and transformation.

Diary - Flamekeeping

Days of Note: Flamekeeping begins at sundown

Sun: cancer (cardinal water), 5:54 AM - 8:54 PM
Moon: waxing crescent, leo (fixed fire), VoC
Earth: hot and sunny much of the day, with winds this evening blowing in billowing clouds, for a brief shower before moving on again

Flamekeeping Ritual

A few minutes before sunset I sat down to my altar, with incense burning and three candles lit in honor of Brigid. Unfortunately, my white pillar candle overspilled its wax last time it was lit, trapping my flamekeeping pendant beneath it - but I have since begun wearing an acorn pendant instead of my Brigid's Cross as a daily symbol of my Druidry, so I decided tonight to begin using my Brigid's Cross necklace itself as my Flamekeeping symbol. I will also be leaving the LED candle lit until sunset tomorrow, though it wouldn't be safe or practical to leave a real-flame candle burning.

I began my shift with some simple awen breathing, during which it seemed almost as though I could hear Brigid whispering to me. Thoughts kept arising as I tried to quiet my mind, some of which seemed too clear and articulate to really be "my own" thoughts exactly - most of them concerning my neglect of my Flamekeeping and my dourness about the responsibility of doing it tonight (when I was feeling tired and overwhelmed and my back is sore and distracting from the tattoo, which is still healing). The simplicity of the candles flickering and the other ritual objects on the altar reminded me that ritual is meant to be beautiful and moving, not a chore or a burden, and that lately it seems I've been grumbling overly much (not out loud, but kind of subconsciously) about my Flamekeeping shifts, giving Brigid grief instead of my joy and gratitude and praise. So there seemed to be some chastisement there, and a suggestion also that I've been focused too much on expecting Brigid to "prove herself" to me by flooding me with warm-fuzzy feel-goods and inspiration... but not enough focus on my part on what I can offer back to her and to the world in her honor.

After this period of quiet reflection and awen-breath, I said my simple opening-shift prayer while "charging" the Brigid's Cross and hanging it around my neck. Then I followed up with one of my rosary prayers to her, and the Lady of the Star Fire chant that I wrote back in November. (I said these prayers out loud, because I felt I needed to more fully embody them tonight, instead of just "thinking" them silently to myself.) After this, I blessed the small pitcher of water on the altar and offered to Brigid the water, the incense, the light of the flames and my gratitude and honor to her. I offered a few flicks of water to each of the triple flames, and then took a sip to honor the Spirit Within which needs nourishing and care as well.

Following this, I asked Brigid to help guide me and began my divination, using my Shadowscapes tarot deck, asking the question, "What gifts can I offer in honor and service to you, O Brigid?"

The cards I drew were, in this order from left to right:

Eight of Cups | Four of Pentacles | High Priestess

Before I write up an interpretation of the cards, though, I want to finish recording the rest of the ritual. After drawing these cards, I went into a light trance (which was a bit difficult because I had a Jonathan Coulton song stuck in my head and had no drum music, or even a rattle to help me "source" - but I did my best and it seemed to work, in fact better than last time).

This time, I began by seeking the Angel Oak Tree as my beginning place, since it was to a very similar tree that Badger seemed to lead me last time. Stepping within the bright, airy, earthy, crystalline nemeton of the great Live Oak, sure enough there was Badger trundling forward to meet me. I knelt down and we embraced, glad to see each other. I began to ask Badger for help interpreting the cards, to seek an answer to what gifts I can offer in Brigid's honor, but Badger was already on it, digging down into the earth near the roots of the Tree. After only a few inches, Badger had scraped away a hole that seemed to open up into a great, vast deep-blue ocean beneath the earth. Badger dove in and began swimming down down down - I tried to follow, but found myself panicking and rushing back up towards the surface. Badger came back up and inquired what was wrong, and I tried to explain how I was afraid of "drowning" - or of not being strong enough or good enough to survive the plunge. Badger reassured me that not only was I up to the challenge, but that it was absolutely necessary and that this anxiety and clinging to the surface world of things was what the Four of Pentacles was indicating. Badger offered to "light my way," and once again there was that association or connection there with a Solar Badger or Sun Badger (I'm not sure if this is because the badger and bear are somewhat related animals symbolically - and like the bear, the badger hibernates and enters the earth, and so may have solar associations - or also like the groundhog, which may have some association with Brigid - or even just the B-D-G sounds in both names). Now shining with a kind of golden light, Badger swam down into the dark blue depths, and I followed, until it seemed we were no longer swimming, but climbing down a steep damp grassy hill at night towards a light in the distance. As we got closer, the light resolved into a campfire lit at the base of the hill, around which a group of people were gathered, laughing and sharing stories and songs with each other. Badger suggested (though not exactly in words) that I had forgotten that my sense of inspiration came from this kind of congenial sharing among equals, an intimate group joined together by joy and kinship and a sense of sacredness - and that this was very different from the insecurities that were leading me to always try to outdo and prove myself through my writing and other work these days. Next I asked, well, what about the other card, the High Priestess - at which point Badger indicated the moon flooding the hillside and fields and woods surrounding with silvery moonlight. I felt the moonlight suffuse my body, and that sense of looming power from up within myself, as though I'd grown taller than I actually was and was radiating or "expanding" out beyond myself. I protested that I didn't know how to be a High Priestess, but Badger seemed to insist that I have always had the potential to be a great priestess of the gods and to some extent I have been afraid of that calling, even though it's always been there. There was also the sense that serving as a priestess had little to nothing to do with being able to attract a large congregation or group of followers - that was not my job to worry about, it was enough that I serve however I could. I expressed how all of my study recently and all the things I want to learn are so that I can become a better priestess to my gods - but Badger seemed to scoff (affectionately) at that, and suddenly I was half-out of trance and aware of my body again, and Badger was pointing out to me that this was all already within me, deep within - it was not something I had to acquire from an external source through learning, but something I had to learn how to access and trust. After this, I sort of dropped back into the trance-place again and I asked Badger if we could return, so together we walked back up the hill until we were swimming back through the dark waters and breaking surface at the roots of the Great Tree.

After coming out of trance, I thanked Badger for the guidance and support, and in gratitude I danced Badger a bit (this time the dance was more like "swimming" - swinging my arms in waving motions out at my sides and above my head, fingers splayed, while my lower body kind of bounced a bit almost as though I were kicking my back legs as you do when you doggy-paddle).

After this, I ended the ritual by extinguishing two of the three candles, leaving the LED candle lit.

I would like to ponder the meaning of the card reading and maybe write more about it tomorrow (especially because my wrist is beginning to hurt, having to keep it up so the tattoo doesn't rub against the keyboard of the laptop). So more on that later.

Diary - Druidry and Environmentalism

Days of Note: New Field Poppy Moon

Sun: cancer (cardinal water), 5:53 AM - 8:54 PM
Moon: new moon, cancer (cardinal water), VoC
Earth: gorgeous, sunny, not to hot, clear and bright day, gentle breeze, couldn't be more perfect, really

Below is a response I posted to a thread about Druidry and Environmentalism on the TC Neo-Druidry SIG.

Druidry seems to have the reputation of being a "green" religion, taking a special interest in the natural world and our place in it. From ancient harvests of mistletoe from oak trees to modern celebrations of the solstice at Stonehenge, nature often plays a special role in how Druids see the world today.

Does environmentalism play a role in your Druidic path? How do you relate to nature, to both the environment around you and greater planetary concerns? Would you agree or disagree with the perception that Druidry is a "green" religion? Has increased nature awareness/environmentalism inspired you to make certain changes in your life (in your diet, recycling, spontaneous tree hugging, etc)?

Love this and the community service thread! Thanks for starting them. :)

I think you're right on the mark about Druidry's relationship to environmentalism. The Druid Revival began, along with the Romantic Period of the late 18th and early 19th centuries, at least in part in response to the Industrial Revolution and its dehumanizing, world-devouring influences. The Romantics (artists, poets, intellectuals, philosophers, etc.) were responding to the kind of Cartesian dualism that split the mind/spirit from the physical body and the material world. Valuing the aesthetic and spiritual qualities of the natural world was a big part of how they countered this dualism and sought to overcome it. I think these days folks have a tendency to dismiss Revival Druidry as "romanticism" (lower-case) as though to suggest that it's naively idealistic or inaccurate. There are some inaccuracies in it, of course, but Romanticism (upper-case) was a hugely important philosophical movement in the evolution of Western civilization, and modern day environmentalism and conservation (not to mention ecosophy and deep ecology, and even the scientific study of ecosystems to some extent) owe their existence to ideas first explored by the Romantics. If you really wanted to get technical, you could probably argue that any person today who uses the name "Druid" owes at least some thanks to the Romantics for their part in the revival of that spiritual archetype.

But it's not just Druidry's connection with the Romantics that suggests it has some "green" tendencies. From my understanding of ancient Celtic culture, the Celts tended to be much more concerned with the earth and (what we would call) "nature spirits" than some of the other ancient religious traditions of the time. In fact, that was one of the arguments the Romans used in support of their belief that the Celts were mere uncivilized barbarians - that they held their rituals outside among the trees in sacred groves and seemed to worship nature, instead of worshipping "proper" gods in elaborate temples full of refined sculptures. A deep connection with and respect for the natural world runs deeply through Celtic spirituality in general - and actually, it seems to me that the Wiccan focus on the natural world might actually stem from its early relationship (via Gerald Gardner and Ross Nichols) to Revival Druidry and Celtic spirituality. I think it's kind of a shame that some Reconstructionists I've met and talked to these days try to distance themselves from Wicca by dropping this nature-focus and focusing instead on polytheism as of primary importance. (That was actually a discussion we had on another thread, so I don't want to rehash it here! ;))

Personally, the focus on the natural world and environmentalism is so central to my understanding of Druidry, it's fair to say that it's the primary (if not entire) reason I became a Pagan to begin with. I had struggled all my life with the ambivalent role that nature and the earth played in Christianity, looking to saints like Francis of Assisi to try to ease my discomfort with how often world-denying the Christian tradition could be. In the end, though, it just wasn't enough - and when I discovered Druidry, it came as such a relief that here was a religious path where my love of the earth could take a central role. My relationship with the natural world and its wildernesses had always been my main way of connecting with the sacred, and here was a community where that was not only tolerated, but supported and encouraged! Fantastic! :)

My environmentalism has remained a central aspect of my Druidry ever since. My partner and I live very frugally and simply, to lessen our impact on the earth in every way we can. We do all the small stuff - washing our clothes in cold water, refusing to use the car unless absolutely necessary, walking or biking most places, eating a vegetarian diet of mostly local, organic foods, reducing our plastic use to almost nothing, composting in the backyard, etc. We also participate in local environmental activism when we can, and we try to get away into the woods of the local state park to camp at least every few months during reasonable weather. We also both write regularly to advocate for environmental awareness (I'm the blog project coordinator for No Unsacred Place). And since we're getting married in two and a half months, we've spent the past year planning a "green" wedding and we're going for Platinum Certification for our wedding through the Live Green Live Smart Institute.

But maybe one of the most important ways that we blend our environmentalism with our spirituality is by actually trying to cultivate and nurture our relationship with the local landscape. I've been studying deep ecology and eco-philosophy for the past year or so, and slowly been learning more and more about our bioregion and its needs and moods. My spiritual practice challenges me to move away from an anthropocentric worldview and learn to see the world and all its beings as part of a "ecology of Spirit," all interconnected and valuable in their own right.

Wow! I didn't mean for this to get so long! But it's such a great topic, and a really important one, too. :) Thanks again for starting the thread!

End of Month Letter to Mentor

B--,

Another letter about my DOTR aspirant work. This month I basically made no progress on the actual lessons for DOTR, but I thought I'd share a bit about what I was doing.

Early in June was a lot of wedding stuff, including a trip with Jeff and the kids to see my parents for the weekend and attend a birthday/wedding shower/engagement party. We had some time with Savanah to do her "Teen Druidry" lessons, which this month included learning how to sense and work with energies through visualization. We gave her some simple visualization exercises to do for a couple weeks, and had a chance the weekend before last to take her to the local conservancy where we practiced sensing the "nemeton" (or aura/energy) around different plants.

My birthday was this month, which meant I had a general obligation to hang out with people instead of keeping to myself (oh well!), and I didn't have a chance to do any kind of birthday rite or divination like I like to do - it's just been too busy this year.

Jeff and I did have a chance to attend an Alban Heruin/Summer Solstice ritual this year with the local ADF grove, though. On the morning of the solstice itself, we were up at 3:30 AM to drive out to a park outside the city where we met up with a handful of others for a ritual to greet the rising sun. Unfortunately, it was raining heavily for most of the time, so our ritual took place under a pavilion instead of on top of the hill where it would normally have been held. Still, it was very moving and enjoyable - and we had a chance to have breakfast with a couple members of the grove afterwards. We're hoping to attend more of their open gatherings and get to know the local Druid community better (especially when we have more time after the wedding).

Last weekend, we attended the Wild Goose Festival down in Shakori Hills, NC - it's a progressive/emergent Christian festival focused on Celtic spirituality, justice, music and art. A friend of ours, Carl McColman, was one of the speakers and the festival was run by Gareth Higgins, who was the coordinator of the Northern Ireland Celtic spirituality and peacemaking retreat I went on last August. We had a chance to see a number of really important, influential leaders of the progressive/emergent movement, and made some good friends (as well as having a chance to catch up with old ones). It gave us a lot of food for thought. I'm in the process of typing up my notes from the festival (along with annotations) and posting them to my spiritual diary, and I'll eventually have some reflections to post in essay-form on my website. I think Pagans and Christians have a great deal to learn from one another, and being around such thoughtful, sincere spiritual folks, regardless of religion, always leaves me feeling inspired and energized.

I've also begun to explore shamanic work as part of my self-designed Ovatic training. Not sure if I ever laid this out for you before, but basically, I spent about eight or so years studying poetry and music in high school and college (to the point where I won several awards and had been published quite a bit), plus my Candidate year with AODA studying the Bardic arts. After completing the first degree with AODA, I decided that my second degree work would be "flavored" with an Ovatic focus - studying the subtle energies and interconnections of the world through work with deep ecology, divination, magic, dreams, meditation and trance work. My study of astrology falls into this type of work (both as a kind of divination in some respects, and also a study of the patterns and energy play of the stars), and I've been studying ecology and ecosophy as well, from a more mundane/scientific perspective (plus learning more about our local bioregion). The divination work has been largely tarot, though like I mentioned to you already I've also started to work with ogham based on Erynn Rowan Laurie's work (and also Mountfort's book, too, which I think you mentioned in your last letter - yes, I definitely agree that his approach to the tree ogham is very helpful!). I've been doing my usual meditation and hillwalking, and now that Jeff and I are running and doing yoga again, that's become an aspect of my meditative work, too. One aspect of my Ovatic work that I'd always intended to include but hadn't been brave enough to plunge into until recently was actual shamanic work, though I have occasionally done some Active Imagination meditation/visualization during some rituals. But for my birthday, Jeff got me a book on shamanism by Caitlin Matthews, and so last week I finally jumped in and began with the first few exercises. On a whim two days ago, we were walking back from dinner to a friend's house when we saw a store selling fair trade items from Morocco (a store we'd thought had closed about a year ago, but that had just moved locations and transferred ownership)... so we stopped in - turns out, there was a lovely little frame drum on sale, so Jeff insisted on getting it for me. So now I have a drum to work with for my shamanic work, too. (The shop also had a few bodhran drums, which I'd really like to get someday, but they were quite a bit more expensive and I don't know the first thing about playing them, so they'll have to wait a little bit longer...)

And finally, just yesterday, Jeff and I got some tattoos done (which is why this email is pecked out on the keyboard, since I can't rest my wrist on the laptop). We each got matching wrist tattoos of a calla lily yin yang symbol as "wedding tattoos" (representing the blending of opposites, male and female and so on, incorporating the calla lily as the Druidic "third thing" borne out of that relationship, also a symbol of beauty and peace and in itself incorporating female (the chalice shape of the petals) and male (the stamen). I also got a large back tattoo done (which was... wow, quite painful!) of a design that I worked on in a semi-trance state on the morning of the summer solstice after returning from the ADF sunrise rite. It matches and compliments my "Ninth Wave" armband (which I also designed) - this tattoo is a stylized "Celtic"-looking sun design which also incorporates a few meaningful symbols that connect it to my relationship with Brigid as Lady of Star Fire. I posted the design to my spiritual diary on the summer solstice, and after the tattoo heals more I'll post a picture of the final piece as well.

So that's what I've been up to! I do apologize for not going step by step through the DOTR lessons! Life just always seems to interfere and demand my attention in many different directions. It strikes me sometimes as a bit funny that so much of my life is focused on my Druidry and my spirituality, and yet even still I'm so bad at working through prescribed lesson plans. But I will get through them eventually, and in the meantime, I try to approach all this work as a slow, organic accretion of many different skills which, even if they're only gained slowly and seemingly haphazardly, are better integrated and interconnected as part of my spiritual journey because of it.

Blessings,
Ali