What's Next for LotS?

My responses to questions about "What's next?" for the Lady of the Stars group.

I've been... avoiding answering these questions, and I'm not sure why. Partly wanting to see what everyone else is saying and going off to mull over those responses, but also for some other reasons I'm not exactly sure of. Anyway, ::deep breath:: here goes....

What do you want out of this group?

I... don't know. So - in the interest of complete honesty - sometimes I feel like my connection with the Lady/Brighid is very tenuous, on the edge of being "just in my head" and I feel like even though I'm all right with the theoretical/theologizing side, I struggle a lot with the actual belief side of things. But when this group first came together and we were planning ritual and sharing experiences and just having lots of conversation, I felt like that whole community process helped me a great deal to really cultivate a real relationship with Her. Some of you have such profound insights to share, and being able to work with others who are also building relationship with Her is immensely inspiring and helpful to me. So I want that from the group. I'm not sure if it's the ritual, or the conversation, or the meditative work - I feel like I got a lot out of each of those and I definitely want more of them - whatever it was in particular, this group helped me to really feel that She was in my life in a powerful way. Wherever we end up going, it's that sense of Her presence in our work that I really want.

What are different avenues you want to explore (ritual work, meditation, etc)?

I would like to explore more ritual work. In part because I really love writing liturgy, either on my own or collaboratively, and in part because I think sometimes without the structure or the commitment there, I tend not to do very much ritual (I'm a bit of a lazy ritualist) even though I think it is good for me and for my spiritual life. So having you folks around to kick me in the butt when I need it, definitely!

Also, I think someone (M.?) mentioned about writing or journaling prompts? I'd like more creative project prompts in general - these work really well for me, maybe even better than meditation prompts. With meditation, again, I think I'm just lazy, but I love writing and working on crafting a story or poem or prayer, so it's easier to keep my focus and feel like I'm working at something - whereas sometimes I just do meditation and, um, nothing happens. ;)

What do you feel you can bring to the group?

Um - an unrealistic enthusiasm bordering on obsession? In mundane terms, I'm in a position where I have the flexibility with my time and energy where I usually can devote a lot to simple group maintenance and stuff when necessary (and after I'm done with this f**k**fr***ing wedding planning, I'll have even more). I also think I tend to be very analytical and fascinated with the theology side of things, worrying away at paradoxes or inconsistencies in my own ideas or in others', like a dog worrying a bone... which sometimes can be useful, though sometimes not. I offer that to the group for what it's worth. (For some reason just now, I got an image of those carved offerings they've found in the shafts of old wells in Ireland and Britain, that could be interpreted either as a pair of eyes, or a pair of breasts. So I guess I'm sometimes insightful, sometimes a complete boob?)

What are some reservations or fears you might have?

I guess my two biggest fears are that, on the one hand, I'm too needy and on the other, I'm too analytical, and that this is a bad combination and prevents me from really connecting well with you guys or being able to spur the kind of group cohesion and inspiration I feel like I want to or wish I could. I'm not sure why this is such a big fear for me... I think I echo Finn's thoughts, too, about worrying about the group losing focus or clarity - and then getting it in my head that somehow I need to be responsible for making sure that doesn't happen (while worrying about simultaneously coming across as both too pushy and too needy). This is the whole trust/faith/belief thing for me again, though, I guess - trying to think that spark of community and creativity into being instead of just allowing it to happen or trusting in the Lady to do what She needs/wants to do with it.