Sun: aquarius (air/fixed), 7:33am - 5:33pm
Moon: waning crescent, sagittarius (fire/mutable)
Earth: snow. for the past three days, steady snow layering in slush and ice (hovering in the low 30s), punctuated by moments of sunshine through the clouds
Thoughts: thinking some more about a plan for the next several years in terms of building a career; had a conversation with Jeff over lunch about increasing my skill set for the contractor work I'm doing, including taking an online course in transcription and possibly some tutorials in one or more computer scripts; also, thinking about the revamped website and what I would include, how I would organize it and what its purpose would be (to showcase my writing and my author "persona" while distancing myself from the "passive-ist" stigma that's cropped up due to my writing on P+P, also to expand my audience beyond "Pagans" to include broader interest in earth- and nature-spiritualities)
Actions: slow morning getting going again (after two days off to focus on wedding stuff and website/writing stuff), spent some time singing and crying over Egypt and political angst; brainstorming ideas for new website; late lunch with Jeff, then several hours of contractor work; took a half-hour break to take a walk through the woods in late afternoon; after dinner, sat down to revise the LotS Imbolc ritual to post to the forum
Connections: feeling really good about the work I did for LotS once again; it seems silly to worry so much about internet/FB stuff when the work I do with this group always feels so focused and satisfying (and free of the stigma that I am inherently unreasonable/extreme because I'm a pacifist); I do very much enjoy writing ritual and working through meditations with this group; also, it brings me closer to my goddess, for which I am incredibly grateful; also dealing with some of the old sorrow over politics after reading a depressing article this morning about the news of protests in Egypt and VP Biden's reaction to it (basically that freedom and democracy serve economic interests, not the other way around, and should only be granted if they don't threaten the regime stability of our allies); Ani's "Next Bold Move" got me through that one with only a few tears, but afterward, it felt good to allow sorrow to be sorrow, and not try to justify it or reason it away through bickering
Daily Tarot Card: The Ace of Cups signifies the gifts offered by the mysterious depths of emotion and intuition, and the reflective perceptions and perspective to be gained from engaging deeply and authentically in our nonrational selves, exploring our dreams and creative longings. It is a card of gladness and blessings, signifying emotional fulfillment and enjoyment not from any concrete gain but from feeling ourselves more in tune with the rhythms and currents of life.
What two gifts does the Ace of Cups offer to me now? To the left: The Tower (XVI) signifies a sudden and shaking confrontation with truth and reality in all its complexity and unpredictability. A sharp change in perspective that may bring dreams or plans crashing down, the gift of the Tower offered by the Ace of Cups might be a deeper exploration of the shadow self, the nonrational and irrational aspects that have been hushed up and shuffled aside for the sake of "more important" plans, and now reassert themselves with a vengeance, demanding attention and reconciliation. This is a card of consequences and deeper integration in the face of difficulty and sometimes tragedy. Perhaps as a gift of the Ace of Cups, the sorrow or grief of the Tower is itself a gift, a flowing-over of emotion into expression, helping to cleanse and find renewal.
To the right: the Six of Pentacles, a card of mutual support and generosity, spiraling through a cycle of self-sustaining life and giving. Success has led to prosperity that is now poured out for others in need, watering the thirsty ground so that others may drink and grow, and in turn offer their support and generosity to others. This card is one that indicates the wise and compassionate sharing of resources and gifts with others, not merely as a superior benefactor to the lowly and needy, but as one who is in the midst of cultivating those gifts with the support and encouragement of others around us. As a gift of the Ace of Cups, we experience the emotional and spiritual fulfillment in witnessing in a very visceral, manifest way the ways in which we are all connected in a cycle of generosity, prosperity and charity to others. Unlike the Tower, which may have consolidated resources to build higher and higher towards a particular purpose, the Six of Pentacles seems to celebrate the sharing and gift-giving as a distribution and diffusion of resources among all so that all may benefit. The cycle of giving and support may even be more important than the specifics of the gifts themselves in some ways. This, again, reflects the themes of gladness and connection in the Ace of Cups, as well as reflecting that aspect of dreams and ideals that can guide us even when they seem impractical. The Six of Pentacles shows us that such generosity is the height of practicality, when gifts are giving gladly and joyfully to others as an expression of our relationship and connection.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Daily Diary
Days of Note: Flamekeeping
Sun: aquarius (air/fixed), 7:36am - 5:29pm
Moon: last quarter, scorpio (water/fixed)
Earth: warm enough to rain, with temperatures above freezing, delicious fog in the morning and then wet and rainy all day
Thoughts: mostly my mind was occupied with work today, which doesn't leave much room for day-dreaming; thought a bit about propaganda, and how (as Jeff points out) if it were easy to spot, it wouldn't be as effective as it is, yet it still disturbs me how apparently blind some folks are; also thought about community and its purpose, and whether or not it's a waste of my time to try to engage in a community just out of a sense of obligation, even if it does not nurture my soul; also, thought about Brigid and the prayer to smoor the fire (to "smother" it at the end of a day to protect the coals overnight to be relit in the morning)
Actions: after breakfast, headed out to Phipps, spent some time walking the indoor gardens before buckling down to contractor work; lunch there at Phipps, then several more hours of work; dinner at home, watching some TV with Jeff; wrote a brief rant-post for the blog (by accident), then a few more hours of work; followed by some flamekeeping time composing prayers for Brigid
Connections: worn out, but feeling productive and got quite a good number of hours in for work, happily; frustrated about some online stuff, but I think I'm making progress in terms of integrating what I know intellectually to be true so that I can have the strength of heart and character to follow through with my intention to remove myself from unhealthy communities... we'll see
Daily Tarot Card: The Six of Wands is a card of victory and triumph, success that has come from decisive action and hard work, overcoming challenges and challengers who have thrown obstacles in our way. Now, we achieve a victory and receive due recognition for our success. Yet something still nags at us - as the number six is only an initial completion of a cycle and not the end of our journey, this card also represents an urge not to "rest on our laurels," but to continue to work, to remain ready and willing to take on new challenges, as they will almost surely arise. A caution against arrogance, we can enjoy our moment of glory without allowing it to turn to complacency and laziness.
Sun: aquarius (air/fixed), 7:36am - 5:29pm
Moon: last quarter, scorpio (water/fixed)
Earth: warm enough to rain, with temperatures above freezing, delicious fog in the morning and then wet and rainy all day
Thoughts: mostly my mind was occupied with work today, which doesn't leave much room for day-dreaming; thought a bit about propaganda, and how (as Jeff points out) if it were easy to spot, it wouldn't be as effective as it is, yet it still disturbs me how apparently blind some folks are; also thought about community and its purpose, and whether or not it's a waste of my time to try to engage in a community just out of a sense of obligation, even if it does not nurture my soul; also, thought about Brigid and the prayer to smoor the fire (to "smother" it at the end of a day to protect the coals overnight to be relit in the morning)
Actions: after breakfast, headed out to Phipps, spent some time walking the indoor gardens before buckling down to contractor work; lunch there at Phipps, then several more hours of work; dinner at home, watching some TV with Jeff; wrote a brief rant-post for the blog (by accident), then a few more hours of work; followed by some flamekeeping time composing prayers for Brigid
Connections: worn out, but feeling productive and got quite a good number of hours in for work, happily; frustrated about some online stuff, but I think I'm making progress in terms of integrating what I know intellectually to be true so that I can have the strength of heart and character to follow through with my intention to remove myself from unhealthy communities... we'll see
Daily Tarot Card: The Six of Wands is a card of victory and triumph, success that has come from decisive action and hard work, overcoming challenges and challengers who have thrown obstacles in our way. Now, we achieve a victory and receive due recognition for our success. Yet something still nags at us - as the number six is only an initial completion of a cycle and not the end of our journey, this card also represents an urge not to "rest on our laurels," but to continue to work, to remain ready and willing to take on new challenges, as they will almost surely arise. A caution against arrogance, we can enjoy our moment of glory without allowing it to turn to complacency and laziness.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Daily Diary
Days of Note: Flamekeeping shift starts at sundown
Sun: aquarius (air/fixed), 7:36am - 5:28pm
Moon: waning gibbous, libra (air/cardinal)
Earth: a smidgeon warmer than the past few days, warm enough to snow, in sparse, slow flakes all day that didn't stick much to the ground
Thoughts: mainly frustrated and preoccupied by the hostility of the blog comments I've been trying to deal with, and trying to figure out a way to respond without being dragged down by the meanness and smallness of the responses (but not wanting to leave such comments go unanswered entirely, since I think the rudeness does warrant a reply); also thinking about how interesting it is that even people decidedly on the conservative side of the political spectrum and parroting Right Wing talking points, will mimic a liberal rhetoric of tolerance, open-mindedness and even relativism in order to defend their right to express unpopular or hostile opinions... it's like even conservatives recognize that arguments in support of acceptance are signs of strength and maturity in discourse, and will use them to secure the "higher ground" in debate even while completely betraying them in actual practice; I'm not sure if this is reason to be hopeful, or simply frustrated... but it does suggest to me that the ideas of acceptance and open-mindedness really are understood (intuitively or subconsciously, anyway) as positions of strength rather than weakness, at least in American society, even in the midst of violent and hateful rhetoric; someone should do a study on that, if they haven't already; otherwise, my mind mainly preoccupied with why I feel so fatigued and worn out, and thinking of ways to turn back to simple daily devotional or ritual practices to help ground me and restore my energy and sense of balance
Actions: woke up exhausted after another night of snoring and painful restless legs; spent the morning responding to blog comments (what a frustrating waste of time), then took some time to pray to Brigid with my prayer beads and try to get myself together; after lunch, ran out to Joanne's to get the flameless candle in a decorative vase I've been wanting to use for my flamekeeping shift, in celebration of my one year anniversary and Imbolc coming up; spent some time at Panera getting contractor work done (and replying to more blog comments, briefly), then came home, began my flamekeeping shift with some ritual and prayer while Jeff made dinner; after dinner, Jeff and I took a walk in the snowy woods; then spent another couple hours doing contractor work
Connections: trying to accept my own anxiety and frustration as a healthy or at least natural quality of myself, instead of as a failure on my part to be better or more detached or less bothered by these blog trolls; that I can be so upset and bothered not only by their comments but by how I've tried to handle the response just goes to show that I do engage in self-reflection and can recognize when I'm stepping over a line or getting away from my own center - and if I can recognize that, then I can strive to do it less often, and to return to my center when I realize I'm doing it; so, trying to be gentle and forgiving with myself, while also doing better at not rising to the bait; prayer and a walk in the woods helped so amazingly, it's hard to believe... for which I'm grateful
Daily Tarot Card: Hmm. So, tonight I drew The Devil (XV), a card of temptation and addiction, hopelessness and frustration, and the choices that we make that keep us locked up and subservient to our less noble or empowering impulses. (Yet, as noted before in my daily drawings, the Devil is also a card of instinct towards self-preservation, which can sometimes be necessary even when it is selfish or ruthless.) It seemed pretty clear that this card reflected my frustrations throughout the day, being dragged down, tied up and even manipulated by the "trolls" on the P+P blog and also my need to engage with them keeping me distracted and anxious. To seek clarification, then, I cut the deck a second time to draw two cards, which I placed to the left and right of the Devil in the center: one to represent "the lock," and one to represent "the key," which play such prominent roles in the symbolism of the Devil card.
For the lock, on the left, I drew The Hierophant (V), a priest of ritual and tradition, whose wisdom is rooted deeply and firmly in the ancient earth. Teaching transformation and growth through discipline and adherence to the old ways, this priest symbolizes the epitome of stillness and rootedness in the past, not as one who fears change, but as an expression of the spiritual or religious urge throughout history. This is the overt individual or social expression of the religious urge at its most basic, where worship gives rise to custom, and custom inculcates and cultivates belief and perspective.
For the key, on the right, I drew Death (XIII), card of transformation, rebirth and renewal, drastic changes arising from the relationship between destruction and creation, sorrow and joy, in the dance of fire and song as portrayed in the symbol of the phoenix. This card is the ultimate in change and flux, the utterly new being born from the ashes of the old, discarding all that is unhealthy or detrimental, burning away everything that isn't necessary to find the core of our soul to be transformed and renewed. Embracing the process of death or change willingly, with innocence, can lead to transformation and new life in joy (though not without difficulty and struggle), while those entrenched in old ways resist and cling to a past no longer relevant or beneficial.
The lock and the key. At first, I imagined the lock as that which keeps me bound - yet the Hierophant has been, for me, a decidedly good and helpful card, one encouraging devotion to ritual as a manifestation in the physical world of my spiritual life, and a reminder of my ties to the ancestors and their wisdom, and the deep, ancient wisdom of the Earth and her natural laws that cannot be ignored or discarded. In this way, the lock is a participant in the process of seeking freedom: without a lock, a chain is just a chain, a bondage unbreakable no matter how hard you might struggle. But bound by a lock, a chain becomes something that can be loosened and removed, unbound with the right key. Instead of needing a file or awe to break the chains, only a harmless, little key is needed to find freedom. So it seems this reading, of all major arcana cards, indicates that ritual and tradition are the lock into which the key of death and transformation fit, and through the bringing together of these two urges (which, in some ways, seem distinctly opposite), I can find the freedom from the bonds that seem to pull me apart, the bonds of addiction and frustration in The Devil. Ancient wisdom and new life, together. The lock: a thing of structure and tradition and custom, perhaps indicating a willingness to engage in a community of tradition passed down by the ancestors and elders; and the key: a turning, a change, a movement within that structure that releases the bonds that bind and opens the way to free. A key is what the lock is for, and the lock gives the key its meaning and function.
Fascinating! Unexpected for just another daily reading. Hmm.
Sun: aquarius (air/fixed), 7:36am - 5:28pm
Moon: waning gibbous, libra (air/cardinal)
Earth: a smidgeon warmer than the past few days, warm enough to snow, in sparse, slow flakes all day that didn't stick much to the ground
Thoughts: mainly frustrated and preoccupied by the hostility of the blog comments I've been trying to deal with, and trying to figure out a way to respond without being dragged down by the meanness and smallness of the responses (but not wanting to leave such comments go unanswered entirely, since I think the rudeness does warrant a reply); also thinking about how interesting it is that even people decidedly on the conservative side of the political spectrum and parroting Right Wing talking points, will mimic a liberal rhetoric of tolerance, open-mindedness and even relativism in order to defend their right to express unpopular or hostile opinions... it's like even conservatives recognize that arguments in support of acceptance are signs of strength and maturity in discourse, and will use them to secure the "higher ground" in debate even while completely betraying them in actual practice; I'm not sure if this is reason to be hopeful, or simply frustrated... but it does suggest to me that the ideas of acceptance and open-mindedness really are understood (intuitively or subconsciously, anyway) as positions of strength rather than weakness, at least in American society, even in the midst of violent and hateful rhetoric; someone should do a study on that, if they haven't already; otherwise, my mind mainly preoccupied with why I feel so fatigued and worn out, and thinking of ways to turn back to simple daily devotional or ritual practices to help ground me and restore my energy and sense of balance
Actions: woke up exhausted after another night of snoring and painful restless legs; spent the morning responding to blog comments (what a frustrating waste of time), then took some time to pray to Brigid with my prayer beads and try to get myself together; after lunch, ran out to Joanne's to get the flameless candle in a decorative vase I've been wanting to use for my flamekeeping shift, in celebration of my one year anniversary and Imbolc coming up; spent some time at Panera getting contractor work done (and replying to more blog comments, briefly), then came home, began my flamekeeping shift with some ritual and prayer while Jeff made dinner; after dinner, Jeff and I took a walk in the snowy woods; then spent another couple hours doing contractor work
Connections: trying to accept my own anxiety and frustration as a healthy or at least natural quality of myself, instead of as a failure on my part to be better or more detached or less bothered by these blog trolls; that I can be so upset and bothered not only by their comments but by how I've tried to handle the response just goes to show that I do engage in self-reflection and can recognize when I'm stepping over a line or getting away from my own center - and if I can recognize that, then I can strive to do it less often, and to return to my center when I realize I'm doing it; so, trying to be gentle and forgiving with myself, while also doing better at not rising to the bait; prayer and a walk in the woods helped so amazingly, it's hard to believe... for which I'm grateful
Daily Tarot Card: Hmm. So, tonight I drew The Devil (XV), a card of temptation and addiction, hopelessness and frustration, and the choices that we make that keep us locked up and subservient to our less noble or empowering impulses. (Yet, as noted before in my daily drawings, the Devil is also a card of instinct towards self-preservation, which can sometimes be necessary even when it is selfish or ruthless.) It seemed pretty clear that this card reflected my frustrations throughout the day, being dragged down, tied up and even manipulated by the "trolls" on the P+P blog and also my need to engage with them keeping me distracted and anxious. To seek clarification, then, I cut the deck a second time to draw two cards, which I placed to the left and right of the Devil in the center: one to represent "the lock," and one to represent "the key," which play such prominent roles in the symbolism of the Devil card.
For the lock, on the left, I drew The Hierophant (V), a priest of ritual and tradition, whose wisdom is rooted deeply and firmly in the ancient earth. Teaching transformation and growth through discipline and adherence to the old ways, this priest symbolizes the epitome of stillness and rootedness in the past, not as one who fears change, but as an expression of the spiritual or religious urge throughout history. This is the overt individual or social expression of the religious urge at its most basic, where worship gives rise to custom, and custom inculcates and cultivates belief and perspective.
For the key, on the right, I drew Death (XIII), card of transformation, rebirth and renewal, drastic changes arising from the relationship between destruction and creation, sorrow and joy, in the dance of fire and song as portrayed in the symbol of the phoenix. This card is the ultimate in change and flux, the utterly new being born from the ashes of the old, discarding all that is unhealthy or detrimental, burning away everything that isn't necessary to find the core of our soul to be transformed and renewed. Embracing the process of death or change willingly, with innocence, can lead to transformation and new life in joy (though not without difficulty and struggle), while those entrenched in old ways resist and cling to a past no longer relevant or beneficial.
The lock and the key. At first, I imagined the lock as that which keeps me bound - yet the Hierophant has been, for me, a decidedly good and helpful card, one encouraging devotion to ritual as a manifestation in the physical world of my spiritual life, and a reminder of my ties to the ancestors and their wisdom, and the deep, ancient wisdom of the Earth and her natural laws that cannot be ignored or discarded. In this way, the lock is a participant in the process of seeking freedom: without a lock, a chain is just a chain, a bondage unbreakable no matter how hard you might struggle. But bound by a lock, a chain becomes something that can be loosened and removed, unbound with the right key. Instead of needing a file or awe to break the chains, only a harmless, little key is needed to find freedom. So it seems this reading, of all major arcana cards, indicates that ritual and tradition are the lock into which the key of death and transformation fit, and through the bringing together of these two urges (which, in some ways, seem distinctly opposite), I can find the freedom from the bonds that seem to pull me apart, the bonds of addiction and frustration in The Devil. Ancient wisdom and new life, together. The lock: a thing of structure and tradition and custom, perhaps indicating a willingness to engage in a community of tradition passed down by the ancestors and elders; and the key: a turning, a change, a movement within that structure that releases the bonds that bind and opens the way to free. A key is what the lock is for, and the lock gives the key its meaning and function.
Fascinating! Unexpected for just another daily reading. Hmm.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Daily Diary
Sun: aquarius (air/fixed), 7:37am - 5:27pm
Moon: waning gibbous, libra (air/cardinal)
Earth: still. very. cold.
Thoughts: thinking about the idea of "breath" and its connection to spirit in preparation for Savanah's Druidry lesson today; also spent some time thinking and talking with Jeff about issues of copyright, plagiarism and support for creative work, as well as football, cars and why American culture is so strange and unhealthy; in the evening, spent time analyzing discourse on online political blogs and following up with some comments about insanity and hyper-rationality in politics and culture; responded to Johnny's follow-up comment on his post about "low-intensity ritual" and everyday customs, which of course got me thinking about Brigid Star-Fire and my commitment to daily devotional work with her (and wanting to get back to it)
Actions: kept up much of the night by somebody snoring (ahem - Jeff); so slept in late, lazed around in the morning, showered, spent time after breakfast preparing Savanah's Druidry lesson and then doing Savanah's lesson (along with Jeff); then after lunch (and the kids dropped off earlier so they could go to a party), headed out to get some food with Jeff and swing by the Apple Store and Journey's in Shadyside do to some window-shopping and day-dreaming; back home, watched some television and spent some time responding to blog comments
Connections: I think way too many things in a given day to keep track of them all; maybe I should get myself a tape recorder or something; also, political blogging wears me out and rarely feels worth the effort (people persist in being rude and obnoxious, and then justifying their behavior by mimicking the rhetoric of tolerance and liberalism.... it's ironic in an exhausting kind of way); what I want is to spend more time writing poetry, or doing the ritual equivalent, like walking in the woods, listening, opening, attending.... but it's so f'ing cold outside.... sigh....
Daily Tarot Card: The Queen of Swords is a figure of piercing insight and clarity of thought, balanced by and arising from a receptivity to the living, changing world around her. Her mature acceptance of the slip-ups and difficulties natural to life have led to her deep wisdom, inner strength and independence - her sense of humor belies her apparent aloofness, though her detachment is also what gives her the distance and perspective necessary to see more deeply and clearly the patterns of things. She wields her sword not as a weapon of brute force, but as an instrument of precision and delicacy whether in analysis or judgement, and she has about her person a lightness-of-being that finds its echo in the butterfly's wing and the curling petals of the purple dragon lilies.
(My notes: I am too tired for the Queen of Swords right now. To maintain this receptivity and light-heartedness, balancing it with dispassionate intellect and emotional nonattatchment.... it's too tiring, and I don't think I'm up for it. How do you walk that line between harsh shrew and fuzzy-minded push-over? How to maintain clarity without being accused of either "white light and fluffy bunnies" or the hard, cold-minded heartlessness of dissection? I don't have the energy to be a Queen of Swords. It is too clumsy a thing for me to wield with delicacy. My arms are tired.)(Metaphorically speaking.)
Moon: waning gibbous, libra (air/cardinal)
Earth: still. very. cold.
Thoughts: thinking about the idea of "breath" and its connection to spirit in preparation for Savanah's Druidry lesson today; also spent some time thinking and talking with Jeff about issues of copyright, plagiarism and support for creative work, as well as football, cars and why American culture is so strange and unhealthy; in the evening, spent time analyzing discourse on online political blogs and following up with some comments about insanity and hyper-rationality in politics and culture; responded to Johnny's follow-up comment on his post about "low-intensity ritual" and everyday customs, which of course got me thinking about Brigid Star-Fire and my commitment to daily devotional work with her (and wanting to get back to it)
Actions: kept up much of the night by somebody snoring (ahem - Jeff); so slept in late, lazed around in the morning, showered, spent time after breakfast preparing Savanah's Druidry lesson and then doing Savanah's lesson (along with Jeff); then after lunch (and the kids dropped off earlier so they could go to a party), headed out to get some food with Jeff and swing by the Apple Store and Journey's in Shadyside do to some window-shopping and day-dreaming; back home, watched some television and spent some time responding to blog comments
Connections: I think way too many things in a given day to keep track of them all; maybe I should get myself a tape recorder or something; also, political blogging wears me out and rarely feels worth the effort (people persist in being rude and obnoxious, and then justifying their behavior by mimicking the rhetoric of tolerance and liberalism.... it's ironic in an exhausting kind of way); what I want is to spend more time writing poetry, or doing the ritual equivalent, like walking in the woods, listening, opening, attending.... but it's so f'ing cold outside.... sigh....
Daily Tarot Card: The Queen of Swords is a figure of piercing insight and clarity of thought, balanced by and arising from a receptivity to the living, changing world around her. Her mature acceptance of the slip-ups and difficulties natural to life have led to her deep wisdom, inner strength and independence - her sense of humor belies her apparent aloofness, though her detachment is also what gives her the distance and perspective necessary to see more deeply and clearly the patterns of things. She wields her sword not as a weapon of brute force, but as an instrument of precision and delicacy whether in analysis or judgement, and she has about her person a lightness-of-being that finds its echo in the butterfly's wing and the curling petals of the purple dragon lilies.
(My notes: I am too tired for the Queen of Swords right now. To maintain this receptivity and light-heartedness, balancing it with dispassionate intellect and emotional nonattatchment.... it's too tiring, and I don't think I'm up for it. How do you walk that line between harsh shrew and fuzzy-minded push-over? How to maintain clarity without being accused of either "white light and fluffy bunnies" or the hard, cold-minded heartlessness of dissection? I don't have the energy to be a Queen of Swords. It is too clumsy a thing for me to wield with delicacy. My arms are tired.)(Metaphorically speaking.)
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Daily Diary
Sun: aquarius (air/fixed), 7:38am - 5:26pm
Moon: *waning gibbous, virgo (earth/mutable)
Earth: another bitterly cold day in the teens, bright and glinting sunlight that does not warm, and I am so sick of snow and cold
Thoughts: spent most of the morning considering the socio-political context of sanity and rationality after reading an interview with a scholar about the historical precedents for the assassination attempt in Arizona earlier this month; spent some time also considering how to rekindle my daily devotions to Brigid and recommit to that work, as well as my creative work; sadly, I found myself more than once feeling annoyed or irritated by the kids for various not-very-important reasons
Actions: got up fairly early and headed out to the café to get some work done, but ended my time updating the wedding blog and then composing a post for P+P; had a relatively lazy afternoon of "hovering," supervising the kids along with Jeff as they sorted through their books and cleaned up their room; wrote a brief email to Nathan about grad school, though I want to get in contact with him via phone or Skype in some way to discuss things more in-depth; napped before dinner, then spent time after dinner catching up in the LotS forum trying to participate in some conversation about our upcoming Imbolc ritual and what it might involve
Connections: honestly, feeling kind of groggy and disoriented since the (unintentional) nap and not very focused; somewhat frustrated throughout the day by kids being so full of questions about some things, but then entirely uninterested (sometimes it seems willfully neglectful or forgetful) about other things; also frustrated with a comment left to my P+P post that was so arbitrary and irrelevant that it was clearly meant to be hostile and disparaging rather than an attempt at actual conversation; all in all, just feeling cabin fever with the cold and the snow and feeling as though the embers of spiritual discipline are smoldering low at the moment; asking for Brigid's help in keeping them burning through these difficult, dull days before spring...
Daily Tarot Card: Judgement (XX) is a card of rebirth, renewal and new life, called forth from a state of slumber or seeming death, awakened by the clear, bright sounds of truth ringing over the world. The Song of the World beats through all beings, moving them to dance, and the truth that reawakens us is the realization that we are one with those around us, that the Earth, our mother, is an intimate part of the greater cosmos and has her place, as we do ours, in the grand patterns of meaning and purpose that spiral through galaxies. This is a card of atonement in this sense — at-one-ment, seeking right relationship with our deepest, truest selves where they touch the deep, true selves of all other beings and of the World Song itself.
Moon: *waning gibbous, virgo (earth/mutable)
Earth: another bitterly cold day in the teens, bright and glinting sunlight that does not warm, and I am so sick of snow and cold
Thoughts: spent most of the morning considering the socio-political context of sanity and rationality after reading an interview with a scholar about the historical precedents for the assassination attempt in Arizona earlier this month; spent some time also considering how to rekindle my daily devotions to Brigid and recommit to that work, as well as my creative work; sadly, I found myself more than once feeling annoyed or irritated by the kids for various not-very-important reasons
Actions: got up fairly early and headed out to the café to get some work done, but ended my time updating the wedding blog and then composing a post for P+P; had a relatively lazy afternoon of "hovering," supervising the kids along with Jeff as they sorted through their books and cleaned up their room; wrote a brief email to Nathan about grad school, though I want to get in contact with him via phone or Skype in some way to discuss things more in-depth; napped before dinner, then spent time after dinner catching up in the LotS forum trying to participate in some conversation about our upcoming Imbolc ritual and what it might involve
Connections: honestly, feeling kind of groggy and disoriented since the (unintentional) nap and not very focused; somewhat frustrated throughout the day by kids being so full of questions about some things, but then entirely uninterested (sometimes it seems willfully neglectful or forgetful) about other things; also frustrated with a comment left to my P+P post that was so arbitrary and irrelevant that it was clearly meant to be hostile and disparaging rather than an attempt at actual conversation; all in all, just feeling cabin fever with the cold and the snow and feeling as though the embers of spiritual discipline are smoldering low at the moment; asking for Brigid's help in keeping them burning through these difficult, dull days before spring...
Daily Tarot Card: Judgement (XX) is a card of rebirth, renewal and new life, called forth from a state of slumber or seeming death, awakened by the clear, bright sounds of truth ringing over the world. The Song of the World beats through all beings, moving them to dance, and the truth that reawakens us is the realization that we are one with those around us, that the Earth, our mother, is an intimate part of the greater cosmos and has her place, as we do ours, in the grand patterns of meaning and purpose that spiral through galaxies. This is a card of atonement in this sense — at-one-ment, seeking right relationship with our deepest, truest selves where they touch the deep, true selves of all other beings and of the World Song itself.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Daily Diary
Sun: aquarius (air/fixed), 7:38am - 5:25pm
Moon: *waning gibbous, virgo (earth/mutable)
Earth: just... cold, all day (I'm not even kidding, it's 6º F right now), with clouds blowing in bringing glittery snow, and otherwise bright sun and gusting winds causing drifts of the snow already fallen
Thoughts: had a list of things I wanted to get done today, and make some good headway in the housework and organization department, but most of my mind was occupied today with feeling like I wasn't getting enough done, and noticing all the little ways that the kids annoy me when they fail to clean up their messes, or hide their mess and think we won't discover it (today, I found out that three of the four kids have empty boxes and packaging from toys stashed in their bureau instead of clothes, with their clothes on the floor and a pair of underwear even stuff among books on their bookshelf, where of course the books weren't put away neatly but piled in a sliding mass so that some were already ripped..... etc.); also, while doing some housework, Jeff read to me some political articles online, which just left me feeling frustrated and helpless, like I live in a country full of selfish, greedy idiots.... which may or may not be true, but I dislike how frustrated and anxious it made me feel
Actions: slept in on my "day off," went to Pamela's with Jeff for brunch, swung by the bank to deposit my most recent check; built bookshelves for downstairs, put away the Christmas decorations for another year, ironed and hemmed the curtains in the dining room, finally installed the wall sconces and curtains in the living room, changed out the curtains in the library (and took down the curtains in the kids' room until we talk to them about tugging on them and bending the curtain rods nearly in half); watched the movie The Blues Brothers with Jeff after dinner and got to talking about doing a cartoon video spoof for our wedding blog, incorporating other themes from other favorite shows and movies of ours
Connections: usually, cleaning and housework make me feel good and productive, but today seemed to involve a lot of false starts and failures (we have gaping holes in plaster on one wall now because apparently these walls are made of impenetrable super-wall in some places and you can't tell where until you try to put a nail in), not to mention long periods of dull work, like the ironing; as a result, even though I really did get a lot done, I'm feeling like I didn't get much done and this is frustrating me; I think it also extends to the politics stuff and just how disgusted I am with the whole thing, yet torn because I feel like it's somehow irresponsible or apathetic to turn my back on all of it.... yet, I'm not sure how bickering online and reading article after article about the same shit every day does any good - it's boarders on superstition to think that merely "staying informed" somehow transforms people into responsible citizens.... sigh
Daily Tarot Card: The World (XXI) is a card of wholeness and unity, connection and interconnection, relationship with the diversity of unique individual beings all dancing in harmony to the Song of the World as it moves each one in its own and proper rhythm. There is a sense of fulfillment and completion about this card, a coming into one's own as a result of hard work and growth, yet it is also a card that inevitably leads to a new beginning, a new journey in which we begin again as the Fool. This card represents a balancing of feminine and masculine aspects within ourselves that allows us to become whole without external pressures pushing us to rivalry or harshness. We take life in stride, the good and the bad, and trust the place it all has in the "bigger picture," perhaps even experiencing glimpses of this grander scheme before we move on again, through the peaks and valleys natural to life, bringing both joy and sorrow, grief and peace of mind in their beauty and balance. (My notes: I am totally not feeling this card tonight - but perhaps it is meant to be a reminder... or a promise.)
Moon: *waning gibbous, virgo (earth/mutable)
Earth: just... cold, all day (I'm not even kidding, it's 6º F right now), with clouds blowing in bringing glittery snow, and otherwise bright sun and gusting winds causing drifts of the snow already fallen
Thoughts: had a list of things I wanted to get done today, and make some good headway in the housework and organization department, but most of my mind was occupied today with feeling like I wasn't getting enough done, and noticing all the little ways that the kids annoy me when they fail to clean up their messes, or hide their mess and think we won't discover it (today, I found out that three of the four kids have empty boxes and packaging from toys stashed in their bureau instead of clothes, with their clothes on the floor and a pair of underwear even stuff among books on their bookshelf, where of course the books weren't put away neatly but piled in a sliding mass so that some were already ripped..... etc.); also, while doing some housework, Jeff read to me some political articles online, which just left me feeling frustrated and helpless, like I live in a country full of selfish, greedy idiots.... which may or may not be true, but I dislike how frustrated and anxious it made me feel
Actions: slept in on my "day off," went to Pamela's with Jeff for brunch, swung by the bank to deposit my most recent check; built bookshelves for downstairs, put away the Christmas decorations for another year, ironed and hemmed the curtains in the dining room, finally installed the wall sconces and curtains in the living room, changed out the curtains in the library (and took down the curtains in the kids' room until we talk to them about tugging on them and bending the curtain rods nearly in half); watched the movie The Blues Brothers with Jeff after dinner and got to talking about doing a cartoon video spoof for our wedding blog, incorporating other themes from other favorite shows and movies of ours
Connections: usually, cleaning and housework make me feel good and productive, but today seemed to involve a lot of false starts and failures (we have gaping holes in plaster on one wall now because apparently these walls are made of impenetrable super-wall in some places and you can't tell where until you try to put a nail in), not to mention long periods of dull work, like the ironing; as a result, even though I really did get a lot done, I'm feeling like I didn't get much done and this is frustrating me; I think it also extends to the politics stuff and just how disgusted I am with the whole thing, yet torn because I feel like it's somehow irresponsible or apathetic to turn my back on all of it.... yet, I'm not sure how bickering online and reading article after article about the same shit every day does any good - it's boarders on superstition to think that merely "staying informed" somehow transforms people into responsible citizens.... sigh
Daily Tarot Card: The World (XXI) is a card of wholeness and unity, connection and interconnection, relationship with the diversity of unique individual beings all dancing in harmony to the Song of the World as it moves each one in its own and proper rhythm. There is a sense of fulfillment and completion about this card, a coming into one's own as a result of hard work and growth, yet it is also a card that inevitably leads to a new beginning, a new journey in which we begin again as the Fool. This card represents a balancing of feminine and masculine aspects within ourselves that allows us to become whole without external pressures pushing us to rivalry or harshness. We take life in stride, the good and the bad, and trust the place it all has in the "bigger picture," perhaps even experiencing glimpses of this grander scheme before we move on again, through the peaks and valleys natural to life, bringing both joy and sorrow, grief and peace of mind in their beauty and balance. (My notes: I am totally not feeling this card tonight - but perhaps it is meant to be a reminder... or a promise.)
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Daily Diary
Sun: aquarius (air/fixed); 7:39am - 5:23pm
Moon: **full moon, leo (fire/fixed)
Earth: much colder with snow starting in early afternoon and continuing into evening, steady and cold and gray and blah
Thoughts: started the morning by thinking about the relationship between reason and faith (especially the tradition of rationalism and secularism, and the tradition of exclusive monotheistic faith) in the history of Western society, sparked by an article Kevin sent me; also did some thinking about the myth of Cú Chulainn and the role of irony and tragedy in Celtic mythology, and why so many Pagans seem to want to take for granted a role model/infallible interpretation of the great heros of myth, justifying whatever actions they take; otherwise, spent most of today focused on work, trying to plow through; spent some time in the evening planning a to-do list for my "day off" tomorrow, chores and things to do around the house
Actions: went to Panera for the morning to get some work done (contractor work, mainly, though also spent some time reading an article that Kevin sent me); ran some errands at the grocery store and picked up a few candles before heading home for lunch; spent the afternoon plugging away at work and fighting a headache; then relaxed after dinner, poked around online
Connections: got some good thoughts in about two really interested topics, and honestly, it's nice to be able to ponder these things without the automatic instinct/urge to "write about them" in a blog; gives the ideas some room to breathe, instead of constant pressure to put on their "game face" and go out to perform and prove myself; it is also really nice to be able to plug away at simple tasks at work and accomplish something (have I mentioned that already?); now I just want this headache and stuffy nose to go away, and I'll be all set
Daily Tarot Card: The Knight of Swords is a figure of intensity, purpose, one might say single-mindedness. With sharp intellect and brutal honesty, this knight gives little credence to emotions and their role - he charges ahead, driven by his vision and his goals. He can be domineering and harsh, as well as fearless and loyal. In some circumstances, his energy and action may be exactly what's needed to cut through the red tape and charge courageously ahead. At other times, he can be callous, overbearing and prone to take or cause offense, trodding on the emotions of others without regard and sensitivity.
Moon: **full moon, leo (fire/fixed)
Earth: much colder with snow starting in early afternoon and continuing into evening, steady and cold and gray and blah
Thoughts: started the morning by thinking about the relationship between reason and faith (especially the tradition of rationalism and secularism, and the tradition of exclusive monotheistic faith) in the history of Western society, sparked by an article Kevin sent me; also did some thinking about the myth of Cú Chulainn and the role of irony and tragedy in Celtic mythology, and why so many Pagans seem to want to take for granted a role model/infallible interpretation of the great heros of myth, justifying whatever actions they take; otherwise, spent most of today focused on work, trying to plow through; spent some time in the evening planning a to-do list for my "day off" tomorrow, chores and things to do around the house
Actions: went to Panera for the morning to get some work done (contractor work, mainly, though also spent some time reading an article that Kevin sent me); ran some errands at the grocery store and picked up a few candles before heading home for lunch; spent the afternoon plugging away at work and fighting a headache; then relaxed after dinner, poked around online
Connections: got some good thoughts in about two really interested topics, and honestly, it's nice to be able to ponder these things without the automatic instinct/urge to "write about them" in a blog; gives the ideas some room to breathe, instead of constant pressure to put on their "game face" and go out to perform and prove myself; it is also really nice to be able to plug away at simple tasks at work and accomplish something (have I mentioned that already?); now I just want this headache and stuffy nose to go away, and I'll be all set
Daily Tarot Card: The Knight of Swords is a figure of intensity, purpose, one might say single-mindedness. With sharp intellect and brutal honesty, this knight gives little credence to emotions and their role - he charges ahead, driven by his vision and his goals. He can be domineering and harsh, as well as fearless and loyal. In some circumstances, his energy and action may be exactly what's needed to cut through the red tape and charge courageously ahead. At other times, he can be callous, overbearing and prone to take or cause offense, trodding on the emotions of others without regard and sensitivity.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Daily Diary
Days of Note: Full Moon
Sun: capricorn (earth/cardinal), on the cusp of aquarius (air/fixed); 7:39am - 5:22pm
Moon: **full moon, leo (fire/fixed)
Earth: slightly colder than yesterday, gray and rainy all day with snow-mix for a little while in the afternoon
Thoughts: in the morning, mostly distracted by discomfort, so indulged in some "TV" watching while Jeff worked; also poked around some blogs, which got me thinking about Celtic mythology and the role of the hero as an epitome of warriorhood versus a role model to follow; later in the day, thinking a lot about wedding themes and Pagan aspects of ritual as I wrote the letter to our potential officiant; then also doing research into the meaning and symbolism of the woods and stones used in my engagement ring
Actions: woke up in some pain and was lazy for a good half of the day, finally feeling up to getting go by early afternoon (before that, spend time poking around on blogs); after lunch, tackling Wedding Wednesday, I printed out and took care of the caterer contract, and got that in the mail along with the few remaining Save the Date cards that I'd been unable to send out with the first round; then buckled down to writing a very lengthy email to our potential officiant, asking for details about fees to do our wedding and also talking about some of our ideas for different themes and actions we'd like to incorporate; also sent an email to the one florist we're looking at who uses a lot of local, sustainably-grown flowers for their arrangements; after dinner, spent a few more hours typing up an incredibly long (and probably overly sentimental) post about my awesome engagement ring
Connections: a pretty focused and productive day, despite the late start; feeling good about what I accomplished, but ready for a rest and a return to more mundane work tomorrow; very glad Jeff and I put our foot down about watching too much Buffy in the evenings, as it was eating up way too much time and filling us with hyper energy right before bed (it's a great show, yes, but too much of a good thing, as they say)
Daily Tarot Card: The Knight of Cups is the romantic and idealist on a quest for his dreams. His pure spirit shines with both innocence and energy, animating and churning his emotions as he pursues his desires, following the lead of his heart and imagination. As a suit connected with intuition and the unconscious, the Knight of this card seeks the mysteries of love and connection, shining with golden light and promising the fulfillment of union. However, because the knight can also be brash and over-eager, there is a certain amount of tension in this card as well, a warning of over-romanticism that stems from an irrational or unrealistic engagement with life, a carelessness about the results of our quest for our ideals and dreams. Still, his steed arises from the depths of the ocean, a unicorn born of sea foam, and he rides with ease towards that which he pursues. Over all, this card is encouraging, revealing the possibility for not only tension, but also balance between the "masculine" energies of activity and initiative and the "feminine" energies of emotion and dream.
Sun: capricorn (earth/cardinal), on the cusp of aquarius (air/fixed); 7:39am - 5:22pm
Moon: **full moon, leo (fire/fixed)
Earth: slightly colder than yesterday, gray and rainy all day with snow-mix for a little while in the afternoon
Thoughts: in the morning, mostly distracted by discomfort, so indulged in some "TV" watching while Jeff worked; also poked around some blogs, which got me thinking about Celtic mythology and the role of the hero as an epitome of warriorhood versus a role model to follow; later in the day, thinking a lot about wedding themes and Pagan aspects of ritual as I wrote the letter to our potential officiant; then also doing research into the meaning and symbolism of the woods and stones used in my engagement ring
Actions: woke up in some pain and was lazy for a good half of the day, finally feeling up to getting go by early afternoon (before that, spend time poking around on blogs); after lunch, tackling Wedding Wednesday, I printed out and took care of the caterer contract, and got that in the mail along with the few remaining Save the Date cards that I'd been unable to send out with the first round; then buckled down to writing a very lengthy email to our potential officiant, asking for details about fees to do our wedding and also talking about some of our ideas for different themes and actions we'd like to incorporate; also sent an email to the one florist we're looking at who uses a lot of local, sustainably-grown flowers for their arrangements; after dinner, spent a few more hours typing up an incredibly long (and probably overly sentimental) post about my awesome engagement ring
Connections: a pretty focused and productive day, despite the late start; feeling good about what I accomplished, but ready for a rest and a return to more mundane work tomorrow; very glad Jeff and I put our foot down about watching too much Buffy in the evenings, as it was eating up way too much time and filling us with hyper energy right before bed (it's a great show, yes, but too much of a good thing, as they say)
Daily Tarot Card: The Knight of Cups is the romantic and idealist on a quest for his dreams. His pure spirit shines with both innocence and energy, animating and churning his emotions as he pursues his desires, following the lead of his heart and imagination. As a suit connected with intuition and the unconscious, the Knight of this card seeks the mysteries of love and connection, shining with golden light and promising the fulfillment of union. However, because the knight can also be brash and over-eager, there is a certain amount of tension in this card as well, a warning of over-romanticism that stems from an irrational or unrealistic engagement with life, a carelessness about the results of our quest for our ideals and dreams. Still, his steed arises from the depths of the ocean, a unicorn born of sea foam, and he rides with ease towards that which he pursues. Over all, this card is encouraging, revealing the possibility for not only tension, but also balance between the "masculine" energies of activity and initiative and the "feminine" energies of emotion and dream.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Daily Diary
Sun: capricorn (earth/cardinal), 7:40am - 5:21pm
Moon: *full moon, cancer (water/cardinal)
Earth: slightly warmer today, in the low 40s, beginning sunny and leading into drizzle of rain this afternoon and evening
Thoughts: worn out this morning from a restless night (and Jeff snoring a bit); thoughts mostly on things to get done around the house and in general enjoying the freedom and not worrying too much about deadlines or pressure, especially when it comes to my writing
Actions: sluggish morning, after getting the contract for the wedding photographer in the mail, and spent a bit of time on the phone with my dad in the morning; spent much of the day on contractor work (which went well - some days it's easy to spend hours and hours on that work, whereas other days it just seems to drag painfully); went through Facebook and deleted a bunch of I-don't-actually-know-these-people "friends" to slim down the FB burden (already thankful for that decision); this evening, ran out to Lowes to finally get the filter for the heater in the basement and some window cling-film to help insulate the windows, hopefully; now relaxing, taking it easy
Connections: thoughts mostly on work related stuff and otherwise feeling very tired and drained (but in a happy-fuzzy fatigued way, which is nice for a change); recap from the past two days: Sunday was rough, very tired and a bit achey, did Savanah's lesson (write up on its way) and got some consultant work in, as well as extensive conversations on the phone with both Mom and Dad about wedding stuff and catching up on life; yesterday, Jeff and I took the "day off" to do cleaning and housework, made a trip out to IKEA to get those bookshelves that were a Christmas present from my parents, plus a corner shelf for the bedroom made possible by Dan's Christmas cash gift; so now yesterday and today, despite feeling very tired, also feeling very pleased with how the bedroom is looking and finally being able to set out some of my altar items and other décor pieces; last night, did a house-cleansing spell with Jeff that went simply and beautifully (using spring water, salt and rosemary, along with a "housewarming" candle we've had for more than a year, tucked away, that we got way back at Journeys); so definitely feeling the good, happy vibes there; now just hoping the filter for the heater can fix this weird smell we've been experiencing lately....
Daily Tarot Card: The Seven of Wands is a card of paradox and can be difficult to interpret. For the most part, this card symbolizes both the good and the bad that results from our actions: there is the thrill of challenge and the courage and strength to rise to those challenges and meet them with success, while at the same time, an acknowledgement that much of the strife and struggle we are encountering may have been stirred up by our own actions, choices and initiatives. This card depicts and mother fox defending her kits from an intruder: a noble and worthy cause that calls for the courage and strength to stand her ground for her beliefs and her love, yet were it not for these kits, offspring of her own (pro)creative drives and previous actions, she might have been able to avoid this confrontation altogether. A card that signifies the relationship between our actions and their effects on us: we may discover, as a result of our choices, that challenges await us and we must be on our guard and prepared for them - yet, these very challenges may help us develop our strengths and discover our courage, to build our character in response to adversity.
Moon: *full moon, cancer (water/cardinal)
Earth: slightly warmer today, in the low 40s, beginning sunny and leading into drizzle of rain this afternoon and evening
Thoughts: worn out this morning from a restless night (and Jeff snoring a bit); thoughts mostly on things to get done around the house and in general enjoying the freedom and not worrying too much about deadlines or pressure, especially when it comes to my writing
Actions: sluggish morning, after getting the contract for the wedding photographer in the mail, and spent a bit of time on the phone with my dad in the morning; spent much of the day on contractor work (which went well - some days it's easy to spend hours and hours on that work, whereas other days it just seems to drag painfully); went through Facebook and deleted a bunch of I-don't-actually-know-these-people "friends" to slim down the FB burden (already thankful for that decision); this evening, ran out to Lowes to finally get the filter for the heater in the basement and some window cling-film to help insulate the windows, hopefully; now relaxing, taking it easy
Connections: thoughts mostly on work related stuff and otherwise feeling very tired and drained (but in a happy-fuzzy fatigued way, which is nice for a change); recap from the past two days: Sunday was rough, very tired and a bit achey, did Savanah's lesson (write up on its way) and got some consultant work in, as well as extensive conversations on the phone with both Mom and Dad about wedding stuff and catching up on life; yesterday, Jeff and I took the "day off" to do cleaning and housework, made a trip out to IKEA to get those bookshelves that were a Christmas present from my parents, plus a corner shelf for the bedroom made possible by Dan's Christmas cash gift; so now yesterday and today, despite feeling very tired, also feeling very pleased with how the bedroom is looking and finally being able to set out some of my altar items and other décor pieces; last night, did a house-cleansing spell with Jeff that went simply and beautifully (using spring water, salt and rosemary, along with a "housewarming" candle we've had for more than a year, tucked away, that we got way back at Journeys); so definitely feeling the good, happy vibes there; now just hoping the filter for the heater can fix this weird smell we've been experiencing lately....
Daily Tarot Card: The Seven of Wands is a card of paradox and can be difficult to interpret. For the most part, this card symbolizes both the good and the bad that results from our actions: there is the thrill of challenge and the courage and strength to rise to those challenges and meet them with success, while at the same time, an acknowledgement that much of the strife and struggle we are encountering may have been stirred up by our own actions, choices and initiatives. This card depicts and mother fox defending her kits from an intruder: a noble and worthy cause that calls for the courage and strength to stand her ground for her beliefs and her love, yet were it not for these kits, offspring of her own (pro)creative drives and previous actions, she might have been able to avoid this confrontation altogether. A card that signifies the relationship between our actions and their effects on us: we may discover, as a result of our choices, that challenges await us and we must be on our guard and prepared for them - yet, these very challenges may help us develop our strengths and discover our courage, to build our character in response to adversity.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Daily Diary
Sun: capricorn (earth/cardinal), 7:41am - 5:18pm
Moon: *waxing gibbous, gemini (air/mutable)
Earth: gray and cold all day, some "wintery mix" among the clouds
Thoughts: started the day with a bad dream about having my arms chopped off; spent some time thinking about my "internet persona" and all those issues; overall, though, mostly focused on contractor work
Actions: in the morning, poked around online trying to put off actual work; replied to a commenter on my recent blog post over at P+P; put up some pictures on the wedding blog; when Jeff took the kids to Phipps for lunch and some fun, I buckled down to contractor work and basically spent the rest of the day hunkered down plowing through that stuff; after wrapping that up this evening after dinner, I spent about two hours finally finishing the last part of my "long goodbye" series for my Meadowsweet blog, and posted it
Connections: feeling worn out and drained, but otherwise pretty good; I do think I'm feeling a bit freer now than I was before and, with a good night's sleep, I'm hoping my optimism will be returning soon
Daily Tarot Card: The Moon (XVIII) A card of dreams, fantasies and the unconscious, the unmasking of truth as can be seen sometimes only in the half-shadowy light of the moon at night. Sometimes a card indicating anxiety and even fear, the powerful urges arising from the unconscious may be harnessed and integrated through creative and artistic work. As a card of the major arcana, there is also a hint in this card that the forces of the unconscious may well up unbidden in unexpected ways, causing an unsettled period during which emotions run high and life may seem unpredictable, strange, even eerie.
Moon: *waxing gibbous, gemini (air/mutable)
Earth: gray and cold all day, some "wintery mix" among the clouds
Thoughts: started the day with a bad dream about having my arms chopped off; spent some time thinking about my "internet persona" and all those issues; overall, though, mostly focused on contractor work
Actions: in the morning, poked around online trying to put off actual work; replied to a commenter on my recent blog post over at P+P; put up some pictures on the wedding blog; when Jeff took the kids to Phipps for lunch and some fun, I buckled down to contractor work and basically spent the rest of the day hunkered down plowing through that stuff; after wrapping that up this evening after dinner, I spent about two hours finally finishing the last part of my "long goodbye" series for my Meadowsweet blog, and posted it
Connections: feeling worn out and drained, but otherwise pretty good; I do think I'm feeling a bit freer now than I was before and, with a good night's sleep, I'm hoping my optimism will be returning soon
Daily Tarot Card: The Moon (XVIII) A card of dreams, fantasies and the unconscious, the unmasking of truth as can be seen sometimes only in the half-shadowy light of the moon at night. Sometimes a card indicating anxiety and even fear, the powerful urges arising from the unconscious may be harnessed and integrated through creative and artistic work. As a card of the major arcana, there is also a hint in this card that the forces of the unconscious may well up unbidden in unexpected ways, causing an unsettled period during which emotions run high and life may seem unpredictable, strange, even eerie.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Divination on Writing, Anger and Frustration
Extremely upset tonight by incredibly hurtful, rude remarks by a supposedly well-respected "Pagan academic" who chose to make personal attacks against me in his blog (which I only just happened to stumble upon tonight), and comments left by some of his readers, one of whom used to describe himself as my "first official fan," agreeing that I was patronizing, hyperbolic and "extremist." I'm not feeling up to doing a daily diary entry (my hands have only just stopped shaking from anger enough for me to type with any consistency). But I did decide spontaneously to do a three-card tarot reading.
(a) Insight into the current situation.
(b) (perpendicular) Energies or forces that are working at cross-purposes and may be throwing up obstacles.
(c) My best hope for a healthy, happy, fulfilling resolution.
(a) Insight into the current situation.
(b) (perpendicular) Energies or forces that are working at cross-purposes and may be throwing up obstacles.
(c) My best hope for a healthy, happy, fulfilling resolution.
(a) Four of Cups - A card of reverie and self-absorption, losing perspective and turning a blind or stubborn eye to the gifts being offered. This card has appeared numerous times during my daily diary readings, and seems especially to represent an absorption in how the self appears or presents itself to an outside observer. There is a sense of alienation from one's true element or environment - the mermaid in the card gazes into her reflection in the water, contemplating her image mirrored back to her within her natural element, yet she herself shivers from the cold, dry air on her skin and longs to plunge back into, past self-reflection and self-consciousness.
(b) Four of Swords - A card of stagnation in some ways, in a suit that often represents strife and conflict, in other ways this is also a card of renewal and lucidity. It signifies a period of rest and withdrawal into the self to seek perspective and mental clarity, and can indicate that this respite may be forced on one unwillingly, necessary in order to break free of the stagnation and motionlessness of current circumstances. Echoing the Four of Cups, the "masculine" suit of swords signifies not a meandering in fantasy and reverie, but a more active and productive period of rest and stillness that ultimately leads to the "cutting through" of stagnation and frustration to a new level of insight.
(c) The Moon (XVIII) - A card of dreams, fantasies and the unconscious, the unmasking of truth as can be seen sometimes only in the half-shadowy light of the moon at night. Sometimes a card indicating anxiety and even fear, the powerful urges arising from the unconscious may be harnessed and integrated through creative and artistic work. As a card of the major arcana, there is also a hint in this card that the forces of the unconscious may well up unbidden in unexpected ways, causing an unsettled period during which emotions run high and life may seem unpredictable, strange, even eerie. That this might be my greatest hope for seeking resolution seems to suggest again that I turn to my writing as an artistic craft and vehicle for active self-discovery, rather than continuing to try to cultivate it as a tool for lecturing prosaically.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Daily Diary
Sun: capricorn (earth/cardinal), 7:42am - 5:16pm
Moon: first quarter, taurus (earth/fixed)
Earth: cold, down below freezing, gray with steady snow all day (for the past couple days), it looks quite picturesque, especially when the sun is low enough on the horizon during early morning or late afternoon to slip in under the clouds and give everything that slightly warm, shining silver glow to it
Thoughts: been a while since I updated the daily diary - to recap, I was very drained and headachey (possibly actually sick, though I'm still not sure) for a few days after the new year, and then Jeff and I packed up to go down to North Carolina for the OBX Wedding Expo (I can fill you in on those details later); today, very much wanted to get out of bed early along with Jeff but just couldn't bring myself to overcome to fatigue; instead, spent some time in a half-awake state brainstorming some ideas for a story I'm working on, made some helpful breakthroughs, I think; had a smaller anxiety attack about money this morning, as there's yet another medical bill coming our way and there's news that because Jeff's company is doing so well, they're now coming to the attention of some folks who might try to either sue them or buy them out (or both), which means our future's a bit uncertain (though at the same time, it's really good to hear the company's doing that well, and they are taking precautions against a lawsuit); oddly, later in the afternoon, I felt better and more energetic, motivated
Actions: slept in a bit too late this morning, then had the minor money freakout; wrote to my dad to ask advice about wedding stuff and home finances, and felt better afterwards; after lunch, worked a really good hunk of time doing some consultant work (first in more than a week - where does the time go?!); had a good dinner and enjoyed some episodes of Buffy and X-Files with Jeff; afterwards, while Jeff spent some time in meditation, I unpacked a few spare boxes of clothes and organized the closet space in the hallway and bedroom
Connections: feeling really good about how the house is coming along; as we get more organized, it's easier to find a place for everything, which drastically reduces the clutter (and thus, my stress level); I also feel gratified to get some work in and feel that I can contribute (now that we got the whole invoice thing sorted out, hopefully money will be coming in on a regular basis, instead of in infrequent but large lump sums)
Daily Tarot Card: The Ten of Pentacles is a card of fulfillment and enjoyment, especially of earthly pleasures and joys, as well as of material prosperity and financial stability. Yet there is also a spiritual dimension to this card, which expresses itself through the patterned work and form of art and aesthetics and the simple, genuine gratitude and generosity that comes from enjoying your place in the world and feeling connected with all those around you. Tradition, structure and form provide the latticework for the movement and exchange of spirit and its generosity; this is a card of culmination and great happiness that is borne of hard work and commitment, shared with all.
Moon: first quarter, taurus (earth/fixed)
Earth: cold, down below freezing, gray with steady snow all day (for the past couple days), it looks quite picturesque, especially when the sun is low enough on the horizon during early morning or late afternoon to slip in under the clouds and give everything that slightly warm, shining silver glow to it
Thoughts: been a while since I updated the daily diary - to recap, I was very drained and headachey (possibly actually sick, though I'm still not sure) for a few days after the new year, and then Jeff and I packed up to go down to North Carolina for the OBX Wedding Expo (I can fill you in on those details later); today, very much wanted to get out of bed early along with Jeff but just couldn't bring myself to overcome to fatigue; instead, spent some time in a half-awake state brainstorming some ideas for a story I'm working on, made some helpful breakthroughs, I think; had a smaller anxiety attack about money this morning, as there's yet another medical bill coming our way and there's news that because Jeff's company is doing so well, they're now coming to the attention of some folks who might try to either sue them or buy them out (or both), which means our future's a bit uncertain (though at the same time, it's really good to hear the company's doing that well, and they are taking precautions against a lawsuit); oddly, later in the afternoon, I felt better and more energetic, motivated
Actions: slept in a bit too late this morning, then had the minor money freakout; wrote to my dad to ask advice about wedding stuff and home finances, and felt better afterwards; after lunch, worked a really good hunk of time doing some consultant work (first in more than a week - where does the time go?!); had a good dinner and enjoyed some episodes of Buffy and X-Files with Jeff; afterwards, while Jeff spent some time in meditation, I unpacked a few spare boxes of clothes and organized the closet space in the hallway and bedroom
Connections: feeling really good about how the house is coming along; as we get more organized, it's easier to find a place for everything, which drastically reduces the clutter (and thus, my stress level); I also feel gratified to get some work in and feel that I can contribute (now that we got the whole invoice thing sorted out, hopefully money will be coming in on a regular basis, instead of in infrequent but large lump sums)
Daily Tarot Card: The Ten of Pentacles is a card of fulfillment and enjoyment, especially of earthly pleasures and joys, as well as of material prosperity and financial stability. Yet there is also a spiritual dimension to this card, which expresses itself through the patterned work and form of art and aesthetics and the simple, genuine gratitude and generosity that comes from enjoying your place in the world and feeling connected with all those around you. Tradition, structure and form provide the latticework for the movement and exchange of spirit and its generosity; this is a card of culmination and great happiness that is borne of hard work and commitment, shared with all.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Savanah's Year: My First Altar!
Savanah's First Altar!
(a purple candle in a glass, six-point star holder, an oyster shell full of water, a black volcanic rock for earth, and for air, an acorn cap that can be blown like a whistle; all sitting on top of her journal)
Savanah's Year: Gwyar of Earth, Weeks 1 & 2
I've gotten into the bad habit of not updating immediately after my lesson with Savanah, so this is my attempt to remedy that and do better in the future.
Our last lesson with Savanah before today's was almost two weeks ago, on Monday, December 20, during the week we had the kids for the winter solstice. This lesson involved a lot of review of her previous work, including finally getting to see the pictures she'd drawn for the four elements (earth, air, fire and water) and three Druidic aspects (calas, gwyar and nwyfre) and discussing with her the thought she put into what she decided to draw.
Then, we moved on to introduce the next "month" of lessons (although these are taking longer than a month because of scheduling, I hope to get back on track soon now that we're through the holidays — not every month, for instance, will have a "review" week). This month we're working with Gwyar of Earth: still exploring the basics of Druidic belief and practice (needed for a solid foundation and grounding, represented by the element of earth), but moving on to discussions about connection, relationship, communication, exchange, change and flow (as represented by gwyar). During the first week's lesson of the new month, we explored the idea of the altar (and to a lesser extent, the shrine) as a place of connection and communication with Spirit and the gods and beings we have relationships with, as well as a place where we might get a clearer connection to our own deeper, truer selves. We talked with her about the difference between a shrine (as a kind of three dimensional work of art that is dedicated in honor of a person, being, spirit or deity) and an altar (as a "working space" where we can engage with sacred objects and perform ritual actions that help us to communicate with others or ourselves, or bring about a change in our relationships).
A great deal of the Week 1 lesson was devoted to a show-and-tell session, with Jeff and I showing her different sacred objects and ritual tools that can be kept on and used at the altar. The week before, we'd shown her Jeff's travel altar as part of our step-by-step work with the tarot cards; this week, I unpacked my own travel altar to show her the various tools and symbolic objects and how they could be combined or used in different ways. We showed her several tools, including both my wand and athame. We talked about the use of burning candles or incense and the pouring of libations as ways of making offerings, sending prayers or expressing our gratitude for the gods (reminding her of the offerings we make during the Fire Festival rites in the backyard, when we scatter bird seed as an offering to the land, and toss silver coins into a small blue bowl as an offering to the water or sea, while burning incense and flicking blessed water into the flame of a candle as an offering to the sky and the heavens with their gods). We showed her some of the several idols and images of deities that we have about the house, including a plaque dedicated to Odin, the statues to the mother goddess (including the one we placed in the kids' room), and the "symbolic" star-fire bowl and candle that I use as my representation of Brigid. All in all, she seemed very engaged with the show-and-tell, with lots of questions about the different objects and their uses and meanings. I think Jeff and I were both pleased with how things went.
We also changed our approach to the weekly assignments we're giving to her. I'm attempting to make the questions more directed, and connected to the conversations we have during the lesson itself. This way, it involves more of her listening and remembering than having to come up with answers and ideas on the spot — hopefully, that'll give her more confidence in writing her answers and also more incentive to listen carefully and think about our conversations during the lessons themselves, knowing she'll have to write about them later. We're also trying to incorporate more "activities" and hands-on stuff, since that seems to be her strong suit and something that really engages her interest (more so than the writing, at least). So for Week 1 of Gwyar of Earth, we gave her the assignment of finding a space where she can set up a small altar and spend some time there on a regular basis. We also asked her to find four objects, one for each of the four elements, to place on her altar; or to brainstorm ideas for what kinds of objects she might want to have if she couldn't find any.
This assignment went really well, I think, although both Jeff and I were worried that in a household of so many siblings (and so much junk and mess) she might not be able to find a space to be "just hers" that would be undisturbed by others. Happily, she was able to clear a space on the bookcase that sits right by her bed, so that she can keep her altar items there. Unprompted, she brought with her this week the four objects she chose to be on her altar: for fire, a small glass candle holder in the shape of a six-pointed star; for earth, a shiny black rock she found (that she thinks may be a volcanic rock); for water, an oyster shell that can hold water like a cup; and for air (one she had the most difficulty with), an acorn cap, because, as she explained, acorns grow high up in oak trees and you can use acorn caps to whistle by blowing through them. I was just so thrilled and impressed by this kind of creative thinking, especially for the acorn cap for air. The fact that she was able to find her own associations for the elements is really great, and means (I hope, anyway) that she is getting something out of these lessons even if she's not a huge fan of the journaling. I found a purple miniature candle to fit in her holder and we lit it during this week's lesson. She also took a few pictures of the items (and later, I took a few more, since some of hers came out blurry because of camera settings being off).
One thing I forgot to mention — another change we made is the way we begin lessons. During the Calas of Earth month, we'd begun lessons by allowing Savanah to light a red candle and then blowing it out at the end. Starting with the first week of Gwyar of Earth, we're adding to this a period of ten minutes at the beginning of the lesson when we sit and listen to a song and then spend the remaining time in silence. The plan is to gradually transition into a full-blown ritual to open and close the lesson — beginning with the candle, then introducing the use of song as a way of setting the mood and quieting the mind, then eventually introducing simple breathing and meditative practice itself (during the Nwyfre of Earth month). During later months, we may incorporate the use of prayer or even build up to some small magical ritual (though Jeff and I still have to talk about whether or not we're going to introduce her to full-blown spellcrafting, or wait until she's older). This technique has worked really well for the past two lessons, and gives us some time to just sit quietly and find our center. The first week we did this, Savanah talked about her experience of watching the candle flame, and how it slowly began to appear as though it were dancing in time with the music. So again, I think that's an encouraging sign that she is connecting to the energies we're dealing with and learning to trust her intuition and imagination when it comes to her relationship with the world around her.
This lesson, Week 2, we began by going over her work from the previous lesson — starting with her altar objects and then going briefly over the review questions about altar and shrines. She didn't journal much in response to the questions, so we had to prompt her again this week and remind her (and Jeff, who doesn't do much ritual work with altars) what their various uses can be. Then Jeff took the lead on this week's lesson (because I was exhausted), and talked about the moon and its cycles. We spent some time talking about the physical attributes of the moon as an astronomical object in space, revolving around the sun. We explained about the different phases of the moon and looked at a video that demonstrated them in diagram form. We also talked about the affect that the moon (and sun) had on the ocean tides. Most of this Savanah already knew, but it was a good refresher. Jeff introduced the idea of the "triple goddess aspects" of maiden, mother and crone that's really common in Wicca, and we spent some time talking about the crone as a symbol of inner wisdom and power and personal freedom, and how the figure of the "old, ugly woman" has changed as our society has moved away from patriarchy and towards equality. We also did a slide show of pictures of the moon and various images associated with it (including the well-known full moon surrounded by two crescents), as well as some pictures of moon goddesses from different cultures.
After this, we spent some more time talking about the moon and its connection to mystery and the unknown, and its relationship with our emotions, feelings and unconscious mind. We talked about the changing faces of the moon as a reflection of our own changing moods, and how we do not always know why we feel the way we do. This connects us to mystery — just like we do not know the deepest secrets of the ocean, even though the sea is the source of all life on this planet, and just as we can never see the "dark side" of the moon because it always faces away from us. We talked with Savanah about her own moods and emotions and how sometimes things her siblings do might bother her even if there's nothing inherently annoying about them. We discussed with her the idea that cultivating a relationship with the moon can help her learn how to respect and honor her own emotions and their sometimes mysterious source, and be able to tell when she needs to listen to them, and when she needs to understand that just because she feels a certain way doesn't mean it's others who are wrong or bad or causing her to feel that way (it could be that her emotions are arising from within herself).
For her assignment for the coming week (or two weeks), we've asked her to journal daily about her moods and emotions, just jotting down a word or two to describe how she feels. We also asked her to make a note of when the new and full moons are for this month, and to brainstorm some names that she might give the moon based on the seasons and changes in the land and her relationship to both the moon and the earth. I also made up a diagram of the moon revolving around the earth, which we've asked her to label with the names of the different phases (and, if she can remember, when the moon rises relative to the sun for each phase). Her task for the week is to find an object (or come up with some ideas for an object) to put on her altar that will represent the moon, and then to spend time at her altar through the week sitting quietly, praying or reading or drawing or engaging with and handling the objects she's chosen, to get used to being in that space and building a relationship with it and her altar. We'll see how she does with that. In the meantime, I'm going to prepare more thoroughly for her next lesson on the cycles of the season and the various holy days and festivals that mark the turning of the year.
Our last lesson with Savanah before today's was almost two weeks ago, on Monday, December 20, during the week we had the kids for the winter solstice. This lesson involved a lot of review of her previous work, including finally getting to see the pictures she'd drawn for the four elements (earth, air, fire and water) and three Druidic aspects (calas, gwyar and nwyfre) and discussing with her the thought she put into what she decided to draw.
Then, we moved on to introduce the next "month" of lessons (although these are taking longer than a month because of scheduling, I hope to get back on track soon now that we're through the holidays — not every month, for instance, will have a "review" week). This month we're working with Gwyar of Earth: still exploring the basics of Druidic belief and practice (needed for a solid foundation and grounding, represented by the element of earth), but moving on to discussions about connection, relationship, communication, exchange, change and flow (as represented by gwyar). During the first week's lesson of the new month, we explored the idea of the altar (and to a lesser extent, the shrine) as a place of connection and communication with Spirit and the gods and beings we have relationships with, as well as a place where we might get a clearer connection to our own deeper, truer selves. We talked with her about the difference between a shrine (as a kind of three dimensional work of art that is dedicated in honor of a person, being, spirit or deity) and an altar (as a "working space" where we can engage with sacred objects and perform ritual actions that help us to communicate with others or ourselves, or bring about a change in our relationships).
A great deal of the Week 1 lesson was devoted to a show-and-tell session, with Jeff and I showing her different sacred objects and ritual tools that can be kept on and used at the altar. The week before, we'd shown her Jeff's travel altar as part of our step-by-step work with the tarot cards; this week, I unpacked my own travel altar to show her the various tools and symbolic objects and how they could be combined or used in different ways. We showed her several tools, including both my wand and athame. We talked about the use of burning candles or incense and the pouring of libations as ways of making offerings, sending prayers or expressing our gratitude for the gods (reminding her of the offerings we make during the Fire Festival rites in the backyard, when we scatter bird seed as an offering to the land, and toss silver coins into a small blue bowl as an offering to the water or sea, while burning incense and flicking blessed water into the flame of a candle as an offering to the sky and the heavens with their gods). We showed her some of the several idols and images of deities that we have about the house, including a plaque dedicated to Odin, the statues to the mother goddess (including the one we placed in the kids' room), and the "symbolic" star-fire bowl and candle that I use as my representation of Brigid. All in all, she seemed very engaged with the show-and-tell, with lots of questions about the different objects and their uses and meanings. I think Jeff and I were both pleased with how things went.
We also changed our approach to the weekly assignments we're giving to her. I'm attempting to make the questions more directed, and connected to the conversations we have during the lesson itself. This way, it involves more of her listening and remembering than having to come up with answers and ideas on the spot — hopefully, that'll give her more confidence in writing her answers and also more incentive to listen carefully and think about our conversations during the lessons themselves, knowing she'll have to write about them later. We're also trying to incorporate more "activities" and hands-on stuff, since that seems to be her strong suit and something that really engages her interest (more so than the writing, at least). So for Week 1 of Gwyar of Earth, we gave her the assignment of finding a space where she can set up a small altar and spend some time there on a regular basis. We also asked her to find four objects, one for each of the four elements, to place on her altar; or to brainstorm ideas for what kinds of objects she might want to have if she couldn't find any.
This assignment went really well, I think, although both Jeff and I were worried that in a household of so many siblings (and so much junk and mess) she might not be able to find a space to be "just hers" that would be undisturbed by others. Happily, she was able to clear a space on the bookcase that sits right by her bed, so that she can keep her altar items there. Unprompted, she brought with her this week the four objects she chose to be on her altar: for fire, a small glass candle holder in the shape of a six-pointed star; for earth, a shiny black rock she found (that she thinks may be a volcanic rock); for water, an oyster shell that can hold water like a cup; and for air (one she had the most difficulty with), an acorn cap, because, as she explained, acorns grow high up in oak trees and you can use acorn caps to whistle by blowing through them. I was just so thrilled and impressed by this kind of creative thinking, especially for the acorn cap for air. The fact that she was able to find her own associations for the elements is really great, and means (I hope, anyway) that she is getting something out of these lessons even if she's not a huge fan of the journaling. I found a purple miniature candle to fit in her holder and we lit it during this week's lesson. She also took a few pictures of the items (and later, I took a few more, since some of hers came out blurry because of camera settings being off).
One thing I forgot to mention — another change we made is the way we begin lessons. During the Calas of Earth month, we'd begun lessons by allowing Savanah to light a red candle and then blowing it out at the end. Starting with the first week of Gwyar of Earth, we're adding to this a period of ten minutes at the beginning of the lesson when we sit and listen to a song and then spend the remaining time in silence. The plan is to gradually transition into a full-blown ritual to open and close the lesson — beginning with the candle, then introducing the use of song as a way of setting the mood and quieting the mind, then eventually introducing simple breathing and meditative practice itself (during the Nwyfre of Earth month). During later months, we may incorporate the use of prayer or even build up to some small magical ritual (though Jeff and I still have to talk about whether or not we're going to introduce her to full-blown spellcrafting, or wait until she's older). This technique has worked really well for the past two lessons, and gives us some time to just sit quietly and find our center. The first week we did this, Savanah talked about her experience of watching the candle flame, and how it slowly began to appear as though it were dancing in time with the music. So again, I think that's an encouraging sign that she is connecting to the energies we're dealing with and learning to trust her intuition and imagination when it comes to her relationship with the world around her.
This lesson, Week 2, we began by going over her work from the previous lesson — starting with her altar objects and then going briefly over the review questions about altar and shrines. She didn't journal much in response to the questions, so we had to prompt her again this week and remind her (and Jeff, who doesn't do much ritual work with altars) what their various uses can be. Then Jeff took the lead on this week's lesson (because I was exhausted), and talked about the moon and its cycles. We spent some time talking about the physical attributes of the moon as an astronomical object in space, revolving around the sun. We explained about the different phases of the moon and looked at a video that demonstrated them in diagram form. We also talked about the affect that the moon (and sun) had on the ocean tides. Most of this Savanah already knew, but it was a good refresher. Jeff introduced the idea of the "triple goddess aspects" of maiden, mother and crone that's really common in Wicca, and we spent some time talking about the crone as a symbol of inner wisdom and power and personal freedom, and how the figure of the "old, ugly woman" has changed as our society has moved away from patriarchy and towards equality. We also did a slide show of pictures of the moon and various images associated with it (including the well-known full moon surrounded by two crescents), as well as some pictures of moon goddesses from different cultures.
After this, we spent some more time talking about the moon and its connection to mystery and the unknown, and its relationship with our emotions, feelings and unconscious mind. We talked about the changing faces of the moon as a reflection of our own changing moods, and how we do not always know why we feel the way we do. This connects us to mystery — just like we do not know the deepest secrets of the ocean, even though the sea is the source of all life on this planet, and just as we can never see the "dark side" of the moon because it always faces away from us. We talked with Savanah about her own moods and emotions and how sometimes things her siblings do might bother her even if there's nothing inherently annoying about them. We discussed with her the idea that cultivating a relationship with the moon can help her learn how to respect and honor her own emotions and their sometimes mysterious source, and be able to tell when she needs to listen to them, and when she needs to understand that just because she feels a certain way doesn't mean it's others who are wrong or bad or causing her to feel that way (it could be that her emotions are arising from within herself).
For her assignment for the coming week (or two weeks), we've asked her to journal daily about her moods and emotions, just jotting down a word or two to describe how she feels. We also asked her to make a note of when the new and full moons are for this month, and to brainstorm some names that she might give the moon based on the seasons and changes in the land and her relationship to both the moon and the earth. I also made up a diagram of the moon revolving around the earth, which we've asked her to label with the names of the different phases (and, if she can remember, when the moon rises relative to the sun for each phase). Her task for the week is to find an object (or come up with some ideas for an object) to put on her altar that will represent the moon, and then to spend time at her altar through the week sitting quietly, praying or reading or drawing or engaging with and handling the objects she's chosen, to get used to being in that space and building a relationship with it and her altar. We'll see how she does with that. In the meantime, I'm going to prepare more thoroughly for her next lesson on the cycles of the season and the various holy days and festivals that mark the turning of the year.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Daily Diary
Days of Note: New Year's Day
Sun: capricorn (earth/cardinal), 7:43am - 5:04pm
Moon: waning crescent, sagittarius (fire/mutable)
Earth: mild and rainy all day, the past two days are from the front moving up the coast last week that brought a blizzard to some of the southern states and all that wind on our drive back from DC
Thoughts: thinking about my article on US tax law and trying to find a way to add "personal interest" to it as per editor's suggested revisions; conversation about parents centered on the news this morning that Emily is, in fact, pregnant, and how this will affect the kids' finances and home life in the future (and Jeff and my frustration at their short-sightedness and selfishness); of course, we're confused as to how Emily could have blamed her outburst the other week on hormones due to birth control if she's more than a month pregnant - it doesn't add up; personally, I'm expecting some kind of exaggeration in one or several aspects of what they're telling us (since Emily can't keep news to herself to save her life, I'm pretty sure that she only just found out, and so I'm a little worried that she's not even sure she's pregnant and hasn't been to a doctor about it yet, and that it may be a false alarm or something similar - in which case, already telling the kids may have been a bad move); regardless, Jeff and I do plan to consult a lawyer in the spring to get a better grip on exactly how our marriage will change the financial situation with the kids, and to find out what recourse we have to the courts if Emily continues to shirk her financial responsibilities as joint custodian of the kids); talked a lot with my dad about grad school ideas and maybe eventually pursuing something at UFL; I find myself getting quite excited about the idea, though it's still at least a couple years away; talked with mom about our plans for next weekend's trip to NC for the wedding expo and getting all that set and ready
Actions: wrote a blog post about the new year for the wedding blog in the morning, got some contractor work done in the late morning and afternoon before dinner; spent time with the kids (opening their presents from my parents); long phone call with my parents after lunch to wish them a happy new year; conversation about kings in ancient history over dinner; got a response back about my article for W&P, the editor wants me to add some "personal interest" to the piece and I'm not sure how I'd go about doing that....
Connections: lots of talking and discussion today, and Big Life Topics on the brain about the future and what it may hold; in general, although a lot of it is stressful, I'm feeling less stressed frustrated about it now that I can admit to myself that the hardest part is not having very much control over how other people behave, and trying to trust more in the Universe to make sure the people we love do all right and manage to thrive despite the imperfections of those around them (including us); it's nice to have a job where I can escape from all this heavy thinking into relative monotony and still feel like I'm accomplishing something and earning a livelihood (it does make me wonder if the stress of not working was partly due to having too much time on my hands that I spent worrying about things beyond my control - oh, the irony!)
Daily Tarot Card: The Three of Pentacles is a card of teamwork and cooperation, as well as of manifestation of the spiritual in the concrete, material realm. Our work is underway, and we bring all our skills and talents and knowledge to the task at hand. We see the results of our craft and patience coming along nicely, blossoming in beauty that holds significance and staying power. Yet we also understand that our work is intricately tied up with the relationships we have and which sustain us; we rest on the shoulders of those who support us and our work, and we work together with others to accomplish our tasks. Because of this teamwork with others, we may need more patience, planning and compromise, but the work that results is worth the effort. (My note: I think this may be giving me advice about how to deal with this article, suggesting that I take the editor's advice and do my best to make the necessary revisions, seeing it not as a "dumbing down" of my work but a challenge to make it even more accessible to readers. Quite a challenge, and one that will require me to do more digging and interviewing and contacting others.... but hopefully it will be worth it.)
Sun: capricorn (earth/cardinal), 7:43am - 5:04pm
Moon: waning crescent, sagittarius (fire/mutable)
Earth: mild and rainy all day, the past two days are from the front moving up the coast last week that brought a blizzard to some of the southern states and all that wind on our drive back from DC
Thoughts: thinking about my article on US tax law and trying to find a way to add "personal interest" to it as per editor's suggested revisions; conversation about parents centered on the news this morning that Emily is, in fact, pregnant, and how this will affect the kids' finances and home life in the future (and Jeff and my frustration at their short-sightedness and selfishness); of course, we're confused as to how Emily could have blamed her outburst the other week on hormones due to birth control if she's more than a month pregnant - it doesn't add up; personally, I'm expecting some kind of exaggeration in one or several aspects of what they're telling us (since Emily can't keep news to herself to save her life, I'm pretty sure that she only just found out, and so I'm a little worried that she's not even sure she's pregnant and hasn't been to a doctor about it yet, and that it may be a false alarm or something similar - in which case, already telling the kids may have been a bad move); regardless, Jeff and I do plan to consult a lawyer in the spring to get a better grip on exactly how our marriage will change the financial situation with the kids, and to find out what recourse we have to the courts if Emily continues to shirk her financial responsibilities as joint custodian of the kids); talked a lot with my dad about grad school ideas and maybe eventually pursuing something at UFL; I find myself getting quite excited about the idea, though it's still at least a couple years away; talked with mom about our plans for next weekend's trip to NC for the wedding expo and getting all that set and ready
Actions: wrote a blog post about the new year for the wedding blog in the morning, got some contractor work done in the late morning and afternoon before dinner; spent time with the kids (opening their presents from my parents); long phone call with my parents after lunch to wish them a happy new year; conversation about kings in ancient history over dinner; got a response back about my article for W&P, the editor wants me to add some "personal interest" to the piece and I'm not sure how I'd go about doing that....
Connections: lots of talking and discussion today, and Big Life Topics on the brain about the future and what it may hold; in general, although a lot of it is stressful, I'm feeling less stressed frustrated about it now that I can admit to myself that the hardest part is not having very much control over how other people behave, and trying to trust more in the Universe to make sure the people we love do all right and manage to thrive despite the imperfections of those around them (including us); it's nice to have a job where I can escape from all this heavy thinking into relative monotony and still feel like I'm accomplishing something and earning a livelihood (it does make me wonder if the stress of not working was partly due to having too much time on my hands that I spent worrying about things beyond my control - oh, the irony!)
Daily Tarot Card: The Three of Pentacles is a card of teamwork and cooperation, as well as of manifestation of the spiritual in the concrete, material realm. Our work is underway, and we bring all our skills and talents and knowledge to the task at hand. We see the results of our craft and patience coming along nicely, blossoming in beauty that holds significance and staying power. Yet we also understand that our work is intricately tied up with the relationships we have and which sustain us; we rest on the shoulders of those who support us and our work, and we work together with others to accomplish our tasks. Because of this teamwork with others, we may need more patience, planning and compromise, but the work that results is worth the effort. (My note: I think this may be giving me advice about how to deal with this article, suggesting that I take the editor's advice and do my best to make the necessary revisions, seeing it not as a "dumbing down" of my work but a challenge to make it even more accessible to readers. Quite a challenge, and one that will require me to do more digging and interviewing and contacting others.... but hopefully it will be worth it.)
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