Daily Diary

Days of Note: Flamekeeping

Sun: aquarius (air/fixed), 7:36am - 5:29pm
Moon: last quarter, scorpio (water/fixed)
Earth: warm enough to rain, with temperatures above freezing, delicious fog in the morning and then wet and rainy all day

Thoughts: mostly my mind was occupied with work today, which doesn't leave much room for day-dreaming; thought a bit about propaganda, and how (as Jeff points out) if it were easy to spot, it wouldn't be as effective as it is, yet it still disturbs me how apparently blind some folks are; also thought about community and its purpose, and whether or not it's a waste of my time to try to engage in a community just out of a sense of obligation, even if it does not nurture my soul; also, thought about Brigid and the prayer to smoor the fire (to "smother" it at the end of a day to protect the coals overnight to be relit in the morning)

Actions: after breakfast, headed out to Phipps, spent some time walking the indoor gardens before buckling down to contractor work; lunch there at Phipps, then several more hours of work; dinner at home, watching some TV with Jeff; wrote a brief rant-post for the blog (by accident), then a few more hours of work; followed by some flamekeeping time composing prayers for Brigid

Connections: worn out, but feeling productive and got quite a good number of hours in for work, happily; frustrated about some online stuff, but I think I'm making progress in terms of integrating what I know intellectually to be true so that I can have the strength of heart and character to follow through with my intention to remove myself from unhealthy communities... we'll see

Daily Tarot Card: The Six of Wands is a card of victory and triumph, success that has come from decisive action and hard work, overcoming challenges and challengers who have thrown obstacles in our way. Now, we achieve a victory and receive due recognition for our success. Yet something still nags at us - as the number six is only an initial completion of a cycle and not the end of our journey, this card also represents an urge not to "rest on our laurels," but to continue to work, to remain ready and willing to take on new challenges, as they will almost surely arise. A caution against arrogance, we can enjoy our moment of glory without allowing it to turn to complacency and laziness.

Daily Diary

Sun: sagittarius (fire/mutable); 7:23am - 4:54pm
Moon: waning crescent, libra (air/cardinal)
Earth: mild, steady rain all day

Thoughts: thinking about craft ideas for Christmas/Solstice gifts, as well as crafting three realms image and star fire goddess image; thinking about tomorrow's tasks for wedding wednesday and contacting people for addresses; Emily wants to have Savanah's tonsils removed, though we're not sure why and Savanah hasn't been showing any negative symptoms (even according to Emily); wondering what my next project for work is going to be; thinking about finishing the final-goodbye post for the blog; also need to finish the nonprofit tax status article (just get it done!)

Actions: yoga this morning; email a few people about addresses; finish tax article and email it; get started on new work project (if Ryan lets me know what exactly it's going to be); probably need to bring clothes up from the basement (in case of flooding over the next few days, but also just to finally unpack now that I have room)

Connections: money will continue to be an issue as long as Emily keeps inventing reasons to take the kids to the doctor when they're not showing symptoms of anything - I think Jeff and I are both beginning to worry about Emily's grip on reality and her ability to distinguish her health issues from the kids' health issues; also, getting the urge to do crafts again, which is hard to resist as a distraction from the more difficult work of getting an article written (but really don't want to flake on the editor, since as an editor myself on occasion I know how annoying flakey writers can be)

Daily Tarot Card: The Six of Wands is a card of victory and success, triumph over difficult odds - it is the completion of a cycle of events, but also the beginning of a new one. Hard work has yielded positive results already, but you feel a gnawing urge to move on, to stay sharp and active and to confront the next challenge head-on rather than waiting for it to find you. There is positive, proactive energy in this card, but also tension and potential conflict as success inevitably draws envious attention. Celebrate and appreciate the progress you have made so far, but stay on your toes and keep striving to ensure your progress continues. (My notes: I'm starting to think this card has something to do with this on-going issue with Emily about her inability to show financial responsibility for the kids. We have made some progress in this area, though it's been hard won, and every success seems to bring about some new way for her to spend Jeff's money - on the other hand, each new way gets a little more bizarre and harder to justify, so continuing to work at finding reasonable compromises will, hopefully, continue to bear fruit.)

Daily Diary

Sun: scorpio (water/fixed), 7:08am - 5:01pm
Moon: *waxing gibbous, aries (fire/cardinal)
Earth: blustery and gray, the wind has been howling for the past few hours and dawn came slow and dim, barely noticeable as the sun rose into clouds

Thoughts: awoke at least an hour before the 6am alarm, feeling anxious and turning over politics in my mind, the phrase "losing the war" kept coming up, listing all the ways people are so easily distracted by the small things without ever noticing or turning their attention to the underlying patterns of violence, and yet life is also very beautiful and full of joy; thinking about a post for P+P on receptivity and "passive-ism" as aspects of pacifism in a positive way; the myth of men at the mercy of sexual impulse as part of systemic patriarchy; the idea that humans are inherently violent another aspect of this, maintained despite all the evidence of the lengths we'll go not to have to do violence to others; thinking about the Brigid ritual coming up and decorating the altar area; very much looking forward to that work, I still find myself very excited by it; thinking about Savanah's next lesson and trying to plan ahead a bit; wondering what my next assignment for work will be and when it will come, wondering how much money will come in from this job; feeling guilty over still not finishing the article about nonprofit tax status, work on that sometime this week probably; just this feeling of anxiety in my chest, and frustration, but also excitement and happiness and energy, all of it stirred up by the wind

Actions: today is another "wedding wednesday," which means writing to the officiant to see if he's available and willing to do our ceremony (and the approximate cost); perhaps today would also be a good day to experiment with the glass paint as part of the whole "wedding favors" idea, so that I'll have something to bring home and show the parents when we visit for thanksgiving; other than that, going for a walk in the woods; finishing the final draft of the Lady of the Stars full moon ritual and posting it to the group; possibly write up a post for either P+P or Meadowsweet (for my blog, some thoughts on the different types of meditation, or something like that, though I feel as though I haven't done a substantive post in a while)

Connections: this kind of free-floating anxiety happens sometimes, and I think the best solution is to just plunge into work and get some things accomplished, but not give the anxiety too much leeway, don't follow it where it wants to go — at least not too much, except perhaps in writing; I honestly think part of it is the wind riling me up this morning in the pre-dawn dark

Daily Tarot Card: The Six of Wands is a card of victory and accomplishment, triumph over obstacles and success in the eyes of others. However, such success may provoke rivals and challengers, and so though hard work has produced fruits already, this is also a card of movement, continuing to strive and seek out new challenges and new ways of continuing to grow. This card can be a warning against lassitude and "resting on your laurels," but it also signifies positive change in the future as a result of continued effort.