Daily Diary

Sun: sagittarius (fire/mutable), 7:30am - 4:53pm
Moon: waxing crescent, capricorn (earth/cardinal)
Earth: windy and snowy all day, bitterly cold

Thoughts: stressing out about the PNC editorial meeting and finally making the decision to step down from the volunteer position; stressing out about the heat in the apartment being almost useless and trying to figure out a way to deal with that that won't cost us hundreds in wasted energy; stressed about Christmas/Solstice gifts; stressed about Dad telling me Mom feels left out of the wedding planning and not sure what to do about that when she's more interested in the small details and not in the stuff that actually needs to get done; stressed about finally announcing on the blog that I'll be going on "hiatus" and the fallout from that, which has been a lot of kind, supportive lip service (and friendly advice about how to monetize the blog and sell merchandise through CafePress); just, stressed in general

Actions: lots of work done today, including scheduling the final posts to go up on the blog; ran out to run errands during lunch and then after dinner; got a portable space heater to use that will hopefully help us deal with the heating problem (maybe Jeff can call about the heater tomorrow?); generally just ranted to Jeff about everything

Connections: I'm feeling exhausted and strung out, expected to make commitments to a ton of things that have no benefit to me and offer no support to my own work, let alone financial support; feeling very bitter about hypocrisy, but also really not wanting to let people down and kicking myself for berating myself and wishing I could just act selfishly (and it's not even all that selfish!) without feeling guilty; yet when it's just me and I sit down to just do the work I have to do, I feel really good about my productivity, and I feel engaged and accomplished and pleased with the work I'm doing (and that goes for paid work as well as unpaid writing work); so I just don't know anymore; this is a rough patch, I guess, is all

Daily Tarot Card: The Ace of Cups reassures that sometimes a withdrawal into dream and imagination is just the beginning, the first step towards greater depth, deeper connection and more intimate, authentic love for the self, for others and for life. This is the first drop of rain that soon becomes a storm, the first trickle from the spring that becomes a raging river. The first ripple that moves through the smooth surface of a still pond. The Ace of Cups is the gift of beginnings, the gift of discovering and entering into source, where our emotions and intuitions connect us into the greater flow of the world.