Diary - Flamekeeping

Inspired by my post about steampunk shamanism, Jeff decided he wanted to do another one of his multi-day spiritual projects that involve regular meditation and divination over a predefined length of time, focusing on different issues and problems that need to be worked on. I thought I'd join him, and we just happen to be starting tonight, which is the Sunday after the first full moon after the equinox (also known as Easter) and my Flamekeeping shift.

The project is a twelve-day process this time - a day of prep work, ten days of doing a daily reading along the "story" spread inspired by Joseph Campbell's hero's journey, and then a final day of wrap-up and a ritual to integrate and manifest the results. Jeff is going to be using his new steampunk tarot deck and concentrating on different issues that he wants to be able to move forward on, such as his work, his health, the obstacles involving the child custody, etc. I don't have as much structure to mine, so I'll kind of be meandering along on this journey and letting it lead me where it will.

So this morning, I drew a card to represent guidance for the day. The card I drew was the Eight of Wands, which in the Shadowscape deck I'm using is a lovely image of a woman releasing eight seed tufts to the wind, which will carry them to new ground where they will be able to put down roots. My understanding of this card is that it is full of action and energy, but not necessarily very directed energy. In fact, trying to direct the energy might end up working against you and lead to frustration - this card indicates a time to trust to the greater forces that surround you, the winds of chance that move through the universe, to carry your efforts beyond even what you can imagine. To release your activities and efforts to the larger world to work out their effects in whatever way they will. But it is also a card that suggests that such trust and trusting efforts will be fruitful in the end - mighty trees will grow from those scattered seeds - with a powerful balance of the active energy of the suit of wands with the stabilizing influence and fruition of the number eight, which is both stable and embodies a dynamic polarity (4 X 2) which sends the world singing.

This evening, when I started my Flamekeeping shift (using the oil lamp that I discovered when packing up our old apartment - the thing might need a new wick, but otherwise it seems to be working splendidly), I drew three more cards specifically seeking guidance about the coming work of the next twelve days. The cards I drew were, from left to right, the Two of Swords, the Queen of Cups, and the Sun (XIX). The energy of this three-card spread seems to expand out from the center card - the Queen walks forward, her arms outstretched to either side - but her face is turned towards the right (her left) and she seems to be gazing directly into the face of the young man haloed by golden light and riding the King of Birds in the Sun card, who gazes back at her. The figure in the Two of Swords card, on the other hand, faces away from the center card, a dark hood draped over her head, her swords crossed barring the path and the energy flowing in from the left. I take this spread to be somewhat a past-present-future spread, with the Two of Swords representing the blockage and frustration that I have felt in the past. These days, I am feeling balanced and deeply in touch with the underlying current of change in my life - my emotions seem to be less volatile or, when they are intense, I feel better able to ride them and harness that energy. I'm also feeling very enthusiastic and confident about my future endeavors, with my face firmly turned towards a bright future. The spread seems to bear this out to some extent, with the Sun card in the final position not only being a wonderful card in its own right, but the figure facing the center Queen and returning her gaze in a way that seems to indicate a receptivity and eagerness in its own right. As though this sunny future is just as eagerly waiting for my arrival as I am. The echoes of royalty in the Queen of Cups and the Sun card (which, in this deck, does not show a child, but a young man riding on a crowned kingly bird as his mount) seem to emphasize the sovereignty and potential power of this work as I move into the future. All in all, I take this to be a very positive reading - keeping in mind that the Queen of Cups, though she looks towards the future, does not entirely turn her back on the past but keeps one arm outstretched towards it as well, as though anchoring her in memory that gives her stability and poise as she moves forward. A good thing to keep in mind - not to get too swept away - the Two of Swords is, like all two's, a card of balance and polarity, and it may be important to remember the helpful role that frustrations and blockages can play in shaping and refining the work we undertake.

All in all, I'm looking forward to this project - we have a lot going on during this next week and a half (including our end-of-semester test for the Volunteer Naturalist spring training), so hopefully this meditative work will help me stay balanced and energized moving forward. I'm feeling very enthusiastic and excited about what's to come.

Daily Diary

Days of Note: New Moon (Star Frost Moon)

Sun: sagittarius (fire/mutable), 7:28am - 4:53pm
Moon: new moon, star frost moon, sagittarius (fire/mutable)
Earth: snowing all day, sometimes quite heavily, a good inch or so on the ground now, sun sometimes breaking low through the clouds in the afternoon

Thoughts: last night, struggled with some frustration and sadness over feeling ignored and unsupported in my writing, especially when it came to the blogging, but this morning woke up once again in a good mood; turns out, Emily had sent an email to Jeff saying she was hurt about not being invited to the wedding and not being "kept in the loop" on the plans (this was from a few days ago, Jeff hadn't seen the email until this morning), so we spent some time discussing how to respond and he sent an email response this morning asking for clarification on what exactly she was upset about and why (I suggested he point out that, since there was less than six months between when she and Jeremy announced they were engaged and then tied the knot, receiving our save the date card more than ten months in advance of our wedding should certainly count as "being in the loop" and planning ahead - but he decided not to include that because he didn't trust his memory, though I definitely remember because they made the announcement to us in late November/early December of last year when we met to discuss Savanah's schooling options, and they were married in early June); other than that, I've been brainstorming about a project to develop my own divination system of castings using natural objects, but I want to spend more time with the tarot before rushing off to a new system, especially since it's been working so well so far

Actions: yoga this morning, despite not really wanting to, but very glad I did since I've felt loose and energetic all day (the first day since starting up yoga again that I haven't been sore); then a nice breakfast with the kids, then a trip to Phipps where the younger two got to sit on Santa's lap and get a picture with him, and in general we had a very nice time; then back here for Savanah's Druidry lesson (write up coming later tonight or tomorrow); while Jeff dropped off the kids, I spent some time fiddling with blog layout and settings, trying to find one that looks classy to use for the wedding blog; probably just relaxing for the rest of the evening

Connections: as usual, my thoughts while the kids are here are dominated by Emily-related stress and complications, which is only to be expected; I find it's becoming easier and easier to laugh it off and move on to more important things, and to take her tantrums and tirades with a certain amount of grace and good humor; Savanah seems to be getting a lot out of her Druidry work and enjoying it, though she continues to act intimidated by the simple journaling questions we give her, which makes me wonder if she's being challenged by homeschooling (is she not doing enough independent work and thinking for herself? she just finished a big group project that involved researching lung cancer and building robots... how could that seem less daunting than asking her to journal about her favorite aspects of earth, air, fire and water? how much of that work was truly self-directed, and how much was helicopter-parent directed, I wonder?)

Daily Tarot Card: The Queen of Cups is a nexus of creativity and intuitive connection, a meeting and blending between the realm of the everyday ordinary and the depths of the unconscious. She enjoys a mature relationship with those around her while remaining open to the more mysterious currents of intuition and imagination, navigating the flux and chaos of unconscious forces as they play themselves out within herself and others. She seeks the wisdom of the ocean depths and the far-distant stars, and balances these with her own inner wisdom, acting in the world with deft emotional sensitivity and harmony to what goes on around her. What seem to be flights of fancy or missteps into potentially dangerous territory are, for her, paths of connection and creativity that she treads with trust and grace.

Daily Diary

Sun: scorpio (water/fixed), 7:11am - 5:00pm
Moon: **waxing gibbous, taurus (earth/fixed)
Earth: bright morning with few scattered clouds

Thoughts: feeling better than yesterday, not so despondent or frustrated; thinking about group forum decision and also trying to prepare for the ritual; thinking about giving up Facebook for a while (at least for a week) and trying to reground, do some serious spiritual work instead, perhaps even do a semi-fast when we return from visiting my parents

Actions: go to bank today; go to grocery store to get "Thanksgiving dinner" for the kids for this weekend; try some Active Imagination meditation perhaps (incorporating DOTR lesson 2 sea/water meditation maybe); want to write something creative and/or something for the blog

Connections: feeling a bit washed out, but already not as distracted now that I'm trying to avoid Facebook; FB is such a huge drain - it puts you in touch with all the people who seem to be doing even a little bit better than you, yet prevents you from getting anything done yourself b/c you're constantly getting caught up in nonsense and debates; it's like watching the Nightly News, my mother always insists she needs to do it in order to stay informed, but it's worthless and doesn't help with anything but increase stress and mental noise while keeping you up late; so I think a Facebook fast is definitely a good idea

Daily Tarot Card: The Queen of Cups dances through the universe in touch with the currents of emotion, intuition and imagination, yet able to move through them with grace and composure. Sometimes seeming reserved, she is attuned to the depths of the ocean and the distant songs of starlight, and she navigates the mysteries gently, with sensitivity to her own emotional landscape as well as the feelings of those around her. (My note: During my meditation, I found my mind wandering over images of Brigid as a figure with dark, flowing hair, moving with the turning stars and rocking with the rhythm of the deep waters of the sea — in this deck, the Queen of Cups imagery strongly mirrors this symbolism and connects it to creativity and poetry.)