Diary - Badger Stone

Days of Note: Flamekeeping

Sun: leo (fixed fire), 6:10 AM - 8:43 PM
Moon: waning crescent, taurus (fixed earth)
Earth: hot and gray most of the day, with skies clearing to steamy blue later in the afternoon, at least a bit cooler than the past several days when we've had a heat advisory in effect and stiffing weather

Badger Stone

During my flamekeeping shift this time, I wanted to work more with Badger, especially considering my intuition that Badger has some kind of relationship with Brighid (though I'm not sure exactly what). Another connection that occurred to me last night as I was hillwalking (more on that in a moment) is that Lady Gregory describes the goddess Brighid as having a face which is half fair and beautiful, and half dark and hideous — and though it is not divided down the middle in half, because of the black-and-white strips you could think of Badger, too, as having both a light and a dark face.

So before my shift began last night, I went hillwalking through the woods with the intention of finding a stone for Badger to sit on my altar. I had gotten it into my head at some point that it was vital to find an icon or statue of some kind for Badger to "live in" on my altar, an object I could involve in ritual and give offerings to — and so I'd spent some time over the last week looking online for a suitable item. I found a few ceramic figurines and such, and one or two carved out of wood and painted, but none seemed to suit. Then the idea occurred to me that finding a stone to decorate on my own would be the best idea — I started referring to it as a "Badger Stone" and that just seemed right and fitting. So last night after dinner, about an hour before sunset and the start of my flamekeeping shift, I headed out into the woods to search for a stone, most likely from the cave that overlooks the ravine near the rock outcropping where I like to sit and meditate. I asked Brighid to guide my steps as I went, and I took along my pouch of herbal and seed offerings as well as a small jar of water to pour in libation to the land. I also brought along my iPod; I just downloaded some drumming audio to help with journey work, and one of the songs I found was from an album dedicated to different animal spirits and totems, this song for Badger. I put this song on repeat to listen to while I walked.

The trance state I ended up in was pretty intense, thanks in part to the drumming and in part to the intense heat. Walking through the woods was practically like being in a sweat lodge in any case, especially as I got into the dimmer areas back in the forest aways, and I was dripping sweat and pretty deep in a meditative state while I walked. I had the visceral, powerful experience of being able to "see" the spirits of things around me, faces peering at me from the trees and stones and fallen logs and bits of bramble and underbrush — not my imagination, but like the chaotic natural patterns of texture, light and shadow resolving themselves into very clear faces and shapes that didn't go away even after a second, closer look.

This actually made choosing a stone a bit difficult, because I was hoping to be strolling along waiting for a particular stone to jump out at me... but instead, every single stone I saw seemed to be alive and aware, asserting itself in my presence. Instead of being able to just pick up whatever stone appealed to me, I found myself having to use discernment and actually assess the character or presence of the stones, inquiring which would be amenable to becoming an altar object and "home" for Badger. Some stones just had too much self-presence to be appropriate (including one that seemed to practically beg to be brought back, so much that I almost chose it in the end, but then decided against it). When I made it to the place near the cave, I took a step or two off the path towards the entrance, and almost immediately saw a stone that looked perfect. I bent down and picked it up, then sat in the entrance to the cave for a time holding the stone and asking permission from the stone itself, the land and finally from Badger if this would be an appropriate stone to work with. At one point, Badger seemed to put his paw on top of the stone in my hand and weigh it down slightly so that I felt a warmth and pressure, as though he were trying to bring it closer for examination. Just after this, I noticed a pattern in the texture of the stone itself that seemed to be a face — like that of an old man — peering out at me, and I asked if he was the stone's spirit and, if so, if he was willing to either share his home with Badger or remain in the woods with the other stones. I felt like I couldn't get a clear answer — so I decided I would bring the stone back with me and do some discernment work through meditation during my actual flamekeeping ritual at sunset. So I left a small scattering of offerings at the place where I found the stone, and poured a libation there too (in part hoping to sort of coax the stone's spirit to stay in the woods and take up a new home there), and then I headed home.

When I got back home, I drank a ton of water and had some chocolate to help ground me and come out of trance. It did help immensely, though it took longer to get back to a normal state of consciousness than I was anticipating (I even saw the faces in the water rippling within my glass as I drank — how hard it is to eat or drink anything, or even leave offerings, when absolutely everything seems so alive and sentient and bursting with presence!).

About half an hour later, I got everything prepared for my flamekeeping ritual, lit my candles and incense and did my usual routine of prayers and welcome to Brighid as I begun my shift. This time, I also asked her help on this creative project that I was hoping to do during my shift this round. I took a moment to go into the bathroom and scrub down the stone I'd found and cleanse it in a mundane way — and then I came back to the altar and spend time smudging and cleansing it with incense smoke and Awen-breaths, turning it over and over so that the smoke clung and spiraled around it in the candle light. It was quite beautiful! While doing this, I did some light meditation seeking to know if this was a good stone for the work I intended. At one point, as I turned the stone over in my hands, I glimpsed it at an angle I hadn't seen it at before, and there in the dancing shadows made by the candle and the texture of the stone itself was a badger face peering at me! So I took that as the signal that yes, this would be a good stone to use after all.

After cleansing and smudging it, I did a Three Realms Working to connect with the energies of the land, sky and sea and blessed and changed the stone. I finished up my flamekeeping ritual and set the stone on the shelf above my bed next to the still-lit candle that would remain lit all night as part of my shift. (This may not have been a great idea — or perhaps I didn't ground well enough after my ritual work — because I found it difficult to sleep all night and tossed and turned with excess energy.)

This afternoon after Jeff took the kids back to their mom's, I returned to the work. I set up the paints and everything I would need, and I browsed some pictures of badgers online to make sure I knew what I was going for. Then, I put on my iPod again with the Badger drumming song on repeat, and got to work. First I traced an outline of Badger on a sheet of paper in pencil based on some of the images I'd found and the texture and contours of the stone, then I transferred the drawing to the stone itself with a pencil, which I then went over again with a thin black permanent marker. Next, I painted the white layer, followed by the black, and at last the nose and two small brown eyes. In between each coat/color, I allowed the paint to dry while meditating in light trance and smudging the stone further with incense burning nearby. The stone was almost complete — but I'd left the eyes a plain brown, not yet giving them black pupils. At this point, I stopped and made offerings to Badger, slicing off a hunk of chocolate and cracking open a beer to pour (these being pretty much the best food in the house at the moment), also eating a small piece of chocolate and taking a small sip of beer for myself to honor the place within myself where I would make a welcome home for Badger.

I then closed the curtains, turned off the lights and closed my eyes, going into deeper trance to the sound of the drums and seeking to present the stone to Badger for approval before putting on the finishing touch and bringing the stone "alive." I spent about fifteen minutes in trance, during which time I went to the Angel Oak tree, called to Badger and then followed him trundling through woods and field back to his burrow, where he seemed to be gathering himself up and straightening things as though in preparation. After a while of this, Badger turned to me and once again put a damp, heavy paw on my upturned palm where I held the almost-finished stone. This time, when he removed his paw, it left a wet, damp paw mark that seemed to absorb into the stone itself. He seemed to smile and laugh and joke about the "likeness" of the stone — and then we came back together and I danced him for a while in my own body (though I have to admit, Badger seems to expect a sense of rhythm and coordination from me that I don't possess!). After dancing Badger for a short time, I invited him into the stone itself. I put the finishing touches on the stone by giving the eyes dark pupils. I blessed the stone again with three Awen-breaths, and as the incense was just burning down, I headed outside into the backyard to place the plate of offerings amongst the flowers in the garden bed. While outside, I got the feeling that Badger wanted to be "introduced" to the world in his new stone, so I held the stone to each of the four directions with greetings of peace and blessings from the East, South, West and North, as well as the presence of the Three Realms.

Then I headed back inside to write this journal entry. It's about an hour and a half until sundown and the end of my flamekeeping shift, so I may write a follow-up post then (or maybe not). I feel as though I haven't done any divination in a while, so I might do a drawing... or maybe not. We'll see. This work on the Badger Stone feels like it's taken a lot out of me, so I might just rest for the remainder of the evening.

Below is a picture of the completed Badger Stone.

What's Next for LotS?

My responses to questions about "What's next?" for the Lady of the Stars group.

I've been... avoiding answering these questions, and I'm not sure why. Partly wanting to see what everyone else is saying and going off to mull over those responses, but also for some other reasons I'm not exactly sure of. Anyway, ::deep breath:: here goes....

What do you want out of this group?

I... don't know. So - in the interest of complete honesty - sometimes I feel like my connection with the Lady/Brighid is very tenuous, on the edge of being "just in my head" and I feel like even though I'm all right with the theoretical/theologizing side, I struggle a lot with the actual belief side of things. But when this group first came together and we were planning ritual and sharing experiences and just having lots of conversation, I felt like that whole community process helped me a great deal to really cultivate a real relationship with Her. Some of you have such profound insights to share, and being able to work with others who are also building relationship with Her is immensely inspiring and helpful to me. So I want that from the group. I'm not sure if it's the ritual, or the conversation, or the meditative work - I feel like I got a lot out of each of those and I definitely want more of them - whatever it was in particular, this group helped me to really feel that She was in my life in a powerful way. Wherever we end up going, it's that sense of Her presence in our work that I really want.

What are different avenues you want to explore (ritual work, meditation, etc)?

I would like to explore more ritual work. In part because I really love writing liturgy, either on my own or collaboratively, and in part because I think sometimes without the structure or the commitment there, I tend not to do very much ritual (I'm a bit of a lazy ritualist) even though I think it is good for me and for my spiritual life. So having you folks around to kick me in the butt when I need it, definitely!

Also, I think someone (M.?) mentioned about writing or journaling prompts? I'd like more creative project prompts in general - these work really well for me, maybe even better than meditation prompts. With meditation, again, I think I'm just lazy, but I love writing and working on crafting a story or poem or prayer, so it's easier to keep my focus and feel like I'm working at something - whereas sometimes I just do meditation and, um, nothing happens. ;)

What do you feel you can bring to the group?

Um - an unrealistic enthusiasm bordering on obsession? In mundane terms, I'm in a position where I have the flexibility with my time and energy where I usually can devote a lot to simple group maintenance and stuff when necessary (and after I'm done with this f**k**fr***ing wedding planning, I'll have even more). I also think I tend to be very analytical and fascinated with the theology side of things, worrying away at paradoxes or inconsistencies in my own ideas or in others', like a dog worrying a bone... which sometimes can be useful, though sometimes not. I offer that to the group for what it's worth. (For some reason just now, I got an image of those carved offerings they've found in the shafts of old wells in Ireland and Britain, that could be interpreted either as a pair of eyes, or a pair of breasts. So I guess I'm sometimes insightful, sometimes a complete boob?)

What are some reservations or fears you might have?

I guess my two biggest fears are that, on the one hand, I'm too needy and on the other, I'm too analytical, and that this is a bad combination and prevents me from really connecting well with you guys or being able to spur the kind of group cohesion and inspiration I feel like I want to or wish I could. I'm not sure why this is such a big fear for me... I think I echo Finn's thoughts, too, about worrying about the group losing focus or clarity - and then getting it in my head that somehow I need to be responsible for making sure that doesn't happen (while worrying about simultaneously coming across as both too pushy and too needy). This is the whole trust/faith/belief thing for me again, though, I guess - trying to think that spark of community and creativity into being instead of just allowing it to happen or trusting in the Lady to do what She needs/wants to do with it.

Reflections on Ritual and Offerings

A response to Bob's post on the DOTR Network about the role of offerings and other aspects of ritual.

I have to admit that I'd already seen that article, and it annoyed me. My honors thesis work was in ritual theory, so I have an academic background in the subject that focused not only on the religious/spiritual significance of ritual in various world traditions, but also on the socio-political and aesthetic aspects of ritual practice. Coming from that perspective, that article sounded to me an awful lot like someone who attended a ritual, felt uncomfortable with the social atmosphere or the particular aesthetics used, and so projected her discomfort onto the gods by claiming or warning that they would be displeased.

This is not the first time that a Heathen blogger on Patheos has made complaints about others "doing it wrong" when it comes to ritual. I'm not sure if this is a common theme among Heathens more than other Pagan traditions, or just a coincidence, but I know I have also talked with Heathens who see the purpose of offerings to the gods as a kind of appeasement to get the gods to leave them alone. One Heathen actually compared worshipping the gods to living in your parents' house - it's nice that they pay the bills and take care of most of the responsibilities, but that doesn't mean you want them hanging around getting into your business and it's better when they're content to leave you alone. This sounds like a pretty adolescent approach to me, honestly.

I think this is one of the big issues with ritual in Paganism, especially because the Pagan umbrella is so diverse and it sometimes doesn't share a theological perspective even among members of the same group. Without a foundation in theology of some kind, ritual can quickly devolve into superstition. There are many reasons why rituals can feel powerful or feel like failures, and they don't all have to do with whether or not you've authentically connected with Spirit or the gods. The emotional, psychological, aesthetic, social and even physiological aspects all play a role in addition to the spiritual. And discerning when authentic spiritual work has been done is something I think best left up to the group who has done the work to develop and engage with the ritual practice, rather than an outsider sitting in and making judgements.

That said, I think Blaidd brings up some really good questions in his post - the practical question of what is done with the offerings perhaps being one of the more important ones. It seems to me that if ritual and offerings is to avoid becoming mere superstition, then it must be all about relationship at its core. But that means it also can't be something as simple as "our ancestors were scared of the Sidhe, so they must be appeased so they don't cause trouble" - this seems about as disrespectful to me as it would be disrespectful and prejudiced to say, "Don't walk through that neighborhood; a lot of black people live there and my parents have always said black people are dangerous." I think in general, gods and other beings, and animals for that matter, are similar to human beings: when you approach with respect and kindness in the interest of being as open and attentive as you can to the needs and desires of the Other, whoever that other is, then you are far more likely to elicit respect and kindness in turn, and this eventually builds into a mutually loving relationship. It is in presuming a relationship or taking it for granted that the disrespect (and thus the danger) lies... but again, we can't always be the judge of how others' relationship with the gods expresses itself, either in ritual or in daily life.

Jeff and I already do offerings to our gods on a regular basis - pouring libations and burning incense are parts of my regular prayer/meditation routine, and we both wear certain symbolic pieces of jewelry and clothing that represent promises we have made to our deities or simply as a reminder to think of them and offer a prayer now and then. As part of my Flamekeeping shift with the Brigidine Cill I belong to, I tend a flame once every twenty days as part of my service to Brighid. And on major holy days, especially when we have the kids with us, we make ritual offerings of bird seed and such to the local woods (and wildlife) - and we also toss "silver in the water," coins into a small blue bowl of water on the altar, which Jeff and I then save up until we have enough to change in for money that we donate to a charity. Since we do much of this on our own, it's not a big deal to us if DOTR doesn't incorporate offerings into its group/public rituals. We have an established relationship with our gods, and if other gods are involved in a given ritual, we see it somewhat like going to a party at a friend's house and meeting their relatives - we're polite and respectful, but don't presume either any special relationship or any special attention as a result. (Of course, this can be a problem if the ritual involves gods that no one performing/attending the ritual actually does have a relationship with - because that's more like crashing someone else's party and expecting special treatment from the hosts.)

So those are my thoughts on the situation. Different situations will call for different types of ritual and offerings, and I see no reason why we can't continue to have public rituals open to anyone, as long as we don't treat the gods as "plug and play" components. Public rituals that involve offerings and prayers focused on the earth or the land can still be very effective without requiring a common agreed upon theology for the most part. But perhaps it would also benefit DOTR as a whole for regular members to help each other cultivate authentic relationships with the gods or beings that each members works with in their own practice as well as in group work?

A Druid in Modern Society

Something I wrote for The Cauldron's Neo-Druidry SIG that I thought I would post here — my response to the following questions:

What does it mean to be a Druid in modern society? What do you mean when you use the term Druid for yourself? Why are you a Druid instead of, say, a witch or a Celtic Recon? Conversely, do you find your Druidry informing any other spiritual path you walk?

Basically, this is the place to talk in lengthy detail about your Druidry!

Great questions! Hmm, trying to decide which one to start with....

Okay, what do I mean when I use the term Druid for myself? I mean that I am a practitioner of Druidry, a spiritual tradition that is represented by several modern groups and organizations (but definitely not reducible to any one of them), such as OBOD, AODA, ADF, TDN, DOTR, etc. I feel pretty comfortable using the term "Druid" for myself for two reasons. (1) Because I mean it in the same way I would call myself a "Christian" if I were practicing Christianity - I see Druidry as a religion, and it's just easiest to identify myself as a member of that religious tradition by using the term. Since it's pretty well acknowledged that we can't recreate ancient Celtic society, I don't worry about anyone mistaking me for a "real Druid" in that sense.

(2) The idea that ancient Druids were similar to a "priest/philosopher caste" in Celtic society and underwent 20+ years of training.... qualifies me as a Druid, damn it. ;) I've spent most of my life studying philosophy and religion through formal education, I have a degree in comparative religious studies ("priest") and have earned distinguished honors for my work in creative writing ("bard") and political philosophy ("adviser to kings"), along with experience as a political activist and vocal pacifist ("peacemaker"). I guess this is partly answering that first question, too - what does it mean to be a Druid in modern society. True, I didn't spend all those years self-identifying as a Druid... But what it means for me personally to think of myself as a Druid is striving to embody that role of the politically- and socially-engaged peacemaker whose community work is informed by an insight into aesthetics and poetry as well as the intellectual discipline and knowledge of the scholar or philosopher, and who brings to all of that work a deep sense of spiritual grounding and reverence for the gods and the sacredness of the earth.

Why I identify myself as a Druid and not a CR/Recon person (besides what others have mentioned about the lack of scholarly info and the practicality issue) is because the archetype of the Druid seems to place more emphasis on the synthesis and integration of all these different aspects into a deep and challenging path, whereas CR strikes me a bit more like a "folk religion," so to speak, where these roles are all still seen as separate specialties (if you know what I mean... not sure I'm really getting across my idea very well there). I actually started out exploring Paganism through the Wicca/Witchcraft lens (and every once in a while get an urge to explore Feri Witchcraft a bit more)... but it never really fit me, I didn't feel that sense of "homecoming" that I've heard a lot of others describe. Though I do believe in magic, I tend to understand it much more from an aesthetic/philosophical point of view. What really struck me was when I read an essay in an anthology about Druidry where the writer talked about the Witch archetype as that person living as a kind of outcast (a hag or whore) on the edge of town, whereas the Druid was deeply engaged in the heart of community working along with others and counseling them as an accepted and wise person. I resonated much more with the Druid archetype and the role of community and engagement than with the Witch archetype. :)

So.... is that too much?

Diary - Flamekeeping

Days of Note: Flamekeeping, Fourth of July/"Independence Day"

Sun: cancer (cardinal water), 5:55 AM - 8:54 PM
Moon: waxing crescent, virgo (mutable earth)
Earth: hot and muggy most of the day, occasional shower, then about an hour before sunset, a huge storm with thunder, lightning and hail - now, after dark, fireworks


My flamekeeping shift is soon coming to an end. I've spent most of today working on my response post (first of three parts) to my experiences and observations at the Wild Goose Festival back at the end of June - and trying very hard to ignore what day it is. But how could I think She would let me ignore it.

A storm blew through about an hour ago, with thunder and massive rain that gave way to the pounding of hail (and for the first time, I had the strange experience of fearing for my garden, as though I could imagine myself responsible for the plump little lives that sprung from hard-shelled seeds I did barely more than drop into the soil and encourage with hopeful glances and some occasional weeding). Now the sky to the west is suffused with rose and gold as the storm blows east to lap against the mountains. Jeff had been wishing for a storm all day, in hopes the rain would wash out and ruin the planned Fourth of July fireworks displays. It seems we often have thunder storms during my flamekeeping shifts.

I don't celebrate days like today. I am not a member of the civil religion of this country (though I happened to be born an American citizen, I do not subscribe to Americanism or, as most would call it, patriotism). And because I believe that rituals have power - even when we don't mean them to or believe them to - I do not participate in community rituals that glorify war and violence, that celebrate death and destruction, that serve only to reinforce the boundaries between a righteous Us and an untrustworthy Them.

But because the civil religion is a religion (whether its followers believe it to be or not), I also try as much as I can not to spend my time actively berating those who do participate. It's hard. Very, very hard.

What's harder is seeing Pagans promoting concepts like "Pagan-American" and hailing the invented piece of propaganda known as "Columbia" (named for a man who committed atrocities gleefully against the indigenous peoples of this land and who was denounced even by people in his own time for doing so) as though she were a goddess. Columbia is no more a goddess than Coca-Cola is a god - and I mean that in all its is/isn't tension and complexity.

I can't feel that it's anything but reprehensible and cruel to celebrate a "goddess of the land of America" under the name of a man who tortured and killed so many of those who once lived here. On a day when we supposedly celebrate and honor those brave men (mostly men) who fought for our independence from Britain, do we give any thought to who else they fought - do we remember how Washington earned his promotions through his campaigns against the natives? do we remember that it was not only freedom from colonial rule, but the freedom to rule over an occupied, colonized land that was won? And to turn around and hail the name Columbia! I would retch if I weren't so close to tears.

And Brigid is a goddess of justice, a goddess of peace... but she is also Mother to Sorrow, who saw her son cut down in battle and keened her grief unchecked by shame, a sorrow so all-encompassing it could only be a testament to love. Of course, she would bring me back to thoughts of the Fourth of July when I would rather have ignored it, let it go unmarked and unremarked. Do I have her courage, to wail in public grief, to allow my sorrow and anger to be a testament and song to the greatness of love and hope?

I don't want to. I don't think I have the courage, not this year. I'm tired of being the punching-bag token pacifist. I have no friends or family who made it home from war, I have no claim to respect that would keep the ridicule in check. I can protest until I'm blue in the face - say that though I hate war, I do not hate soldiers, say that though I work for peace, I am not an ideologue or even an idealist - but no one listens.

Except Brigid. Maybe she listens. And this was what brought me to her service, I remember now. I'd read so many descriptions of her, none of which had really rung true. Then I read Lady Gregory writing about her face, how half of it was beautiful and full of light, and half of it was dark and deformed and terrible. And I thought, yes, this I recognize, this is my goddess. Brigid of the Ruined Eye. Brigid, Mother to Sorrow, Lover to Darkness - and yet, Lady of Light, Guardian of Peace. Praise to you.

As polytheists, do we not have the freedom to choose, to worship what gods we will? I will worship the Lady of Star Fire, the holy triple flame who burns ashless, who works in the darkness. I will worship her in her fullness, not only what is beautiful and poetic, but what is wretched and awful and ugly with grief and sadness. I will honor her for her courage, her willingness to be vulnerable before the world. How could I have forgotten this about you, Brigid? Help me to remember. Help me to work in that same service - not only poetry and beauty, but the hard work of justice, the dirty old work of weakness and transformation.

Diary - Flamekeeping

Days of Note: Flamekeeping begins at sundown

Sun: cancer (cardinal water), 5:54 AM - 8:54 PM
Moon: waxing crescent, leo (fixed fire), VoC
Earth: hot and sunny much of the day, with winds this evening blowing in billowing clouds, for a brief shower before moving on again

Flamekeeping Ritual

A few minutes before sunset I sat down to my altar, with incense burning and three candles lit in honor of Brigid. Unfortunately, my white pillar candle overspilled its wax last time it was lit, trapping my flamekeeping pendant beneath it - but I have since begun wearing an acorn pendant instead of my Brigid's Cross as a daily symbol of my Druidry, so I decided tonight to begin using my Brigid's Cross necklace itself as my Flamekeeping symbol. I will also be leaving the LED candle lit until sunset tomorrow, though it wouldn't be safe or practical to leave a real-flame candle burning.

I began my shift with some simple awen breathing, during which it seemed almost as though I could hear Brigid whispering to me. Thoughts kept arising as I tried to quiet my mind, some of which seemed too clear and articulate to really be "my own" thoughts exactly - most of them concerning my neglect of my Flamekeeping and my dourness about the responsibility of doing it tonight (when I was feeling tired and overwhelmed and my back is sore and distracting from the tattoo, which is still healing). The simplicity of the candles flickering and the other ritual objects on the altar reminded me that ritual is meant to be beautiful and moving, not a chore or a burden, and that lately it seems I've been grumbling overly much (not out loud, but kind of subconsciously) about my Flamekeeping shifts, giving Brigid grief instead of my joy and gratitude and praise. So there seemed to be some chastisement there, and a suggestion also that I've been focused too much on expecting Brigid to "prove herself" to me by flooding me with warm-fuzzy feel-goods and inspiration... but not enough focus on my part on what I can offer back to her and to the world in her honor.

After this period of quiet reflection and awen-breath, I said my simple opening-shift prayer while "charging" the Brigid's Cross and hanging it around my neck. Then I followed up with one of my rosary prayers to her, and the Lady of the Star Fire chant that I wrote back in November. (I said these prayers out loud, because I felt I needed to more fully embody them tonight, instead of just "thinking" them silently to myself.) After this, I blessed the small pitcher of water on the altar and offered to Brigid the water, the incense, the light of the flames and my gratitude and honor to her. I offered a few flicks of water to each of the triple flames, and then took a sip to honor the Spirit Within which needs nourishing and care as well.

Following this, I asked Brigid to help guide me and began my divination, using my Shadowscapes tarot deck, asking the question, "What gifts can I offer in honor and service to you, O Brigid?"

The cards I drew were, in this order from left to right:

Eight of Cups | Four of Pentacles | High Priestess

Before I write up an interpretation of the cards, though, I want to finish recording the rest of the ritual. After drawing these cards, I went into a light trance (which was a bit difficult because I had a Jonathan Coulton song stuck in my head and had no drum music, or even a rattle to help me "source" - but I did my best and it seemed to work, in fact better than last time).

This time, I began by seeking the Angel Oak Tree as my beginning place, since it was to a very similar tree that Badger seemed to lead me last time. Stepping within the bright, airy, earthy, crystalline nemeton of the great Live Oak, sure enough there was Badger trundling forward to meet me. I knelt down and we embraced, glad to see each other. I began to ask Badger for help interpreting the cards, to seek an answer to what gifts I can offer in Brigid's honor, but Badger was already on it, digging down into the earth near the roots of the Tree. After only a few inches, Badger had scraped away a hole that seemed to open up into a great, vast deep-blue ocean beneath the earth. Badger dove in and began swimming down down down - I tried to follow, but found myself panicking and rushing back up towards the surface. Badger came back up and inquired what was wrong, and I tried to explain how I was afraid of "drowning" - or of not being strong enough or good enough to survive the plunge. Badger reassured me that not only was I up to the challenge, but that it was absolutely necessary and that this anxiety and clinging to the surface world of things was what the Four of Pentacles was indicating. Badger offered to "light my way," and once again there was that association or connection there with a Solar Badger or Sun Badger (I'm not sure if this is because the badger and bear are somewhat related animals symbolically - and like the bear, the badger hibernates and enters the earth, and so may have solar associations - or also like the groundhog, which may have some association with Brigid - or even just the B-D-G sounds in both names). Now shining with a kind of golden light, Badger swam down into the dark blue depths, and I followed, until it seemed we were no longer swimming, but climbing down a steep damp grassy hill at night towards a light in the distance. As we got closer, the light resolved into a campfire lit at the base of the hill, around which a group of people were gathered, laughing and sharing stories and songs with each other. Badger suggested (though not exactly in words) that I had forgotten that my sense of inspiration came from this kind of congenial sharing among equals, an intimate group joined together by joy and kinship and a sense of sacredness - and that this was very different from the insecurities that were leading me to always try to outdo and prove myself through my writing and other work these days. Next I asked, well, what about the other card, the High Priestess - at which point Badger indicated the moon flooding the hillside and fields and woods surrounding with silvery moonlight. I felt the moonlight suffuse my body, and that sense of looming power from up within myself, as though I'd grown taller than I actually was and was radiating or "expanding" out beyond myself. I protested that I didn't know how to be a High Priestess, but Badger seemed to insist that I have always had the potential to be a great priestess of the gods and to some extent I have been afraid of that calling, even though it's always been there. There was also the sense that serving as a priestess had little to nothing to do with being able to attract a large congregation or group of followers - that was not my job to worry about, it was enough that I serve however I could. I expressed how all of my study recently and all the things I want to learn are so that I can become a better priestess to my gods - but Badger seemed to scoff (affectionately) at that, and suddenly I was half-out of trance and aware of my body again, and Badger was pointing out to me that this was all already within me, deep within - it was not something I had to acquire from an external source through learning, but something I had to learn how to access and trust. After this, I sort of dropped back into the trance-place again and I asked Badger if we could return, so together we walked back up the hill until we were swimming back through the dark waters and breaking surface at the roots of the Great Tree.

After coming out of trance, I thanked Badger for the guidance and support, and in gratitude I danced Badger a bit (this time the dance was more like "swimming" - swinging my arms in waving motions out at my sides and above my head, fingers splayed, while my lower body kind of bounced a bit almost as though I were kicking my back legs as you do when you doggy-paddle).

After this, I ended the ritual by extinguishing two of the three candles, leaving the LED candle lit.

I would like to ponder the meaning of the card reading and maybe write more about it tomorrow (especially because my wrist is beginning to hurt, having to keep it up so the tattoo doesn't rub against the keyboard of the laptop). So more on that later.

Diary - Druidry and Environmentalism

Days of Note: New Field Poppy Moon

Sun: cancer (cardinal water), 5:53 AM - 8:54 PM
Moon: new moon, cancer (cardinal water), VoC
Earth: gorgeous, sunny, not to hot, clear and bright day, gentle breeze, couldn't be more perfect, really

Below is a response I posted to a thread about Druidry and Environmentalism on the TC Neo-Druidry SIG.

Druidry seems to have the reputation of being a "green" religion, taking a special interest in the natural world and our place in it. From ancient harvests of mistletoe from oak trees to modern celebrations of the solstice at Stonehenge, nature often plays a special role in how Druids see the world today.

Does environmentalism play a role in your Druidic path? How do you relate to nature, to both the environment around you and greater planetary concerns? Would you agree or disagree with the perception that Druidry is a "green" religion? Has increased nature awareness/environmentalism inspired you to make certain changes in your life (in your diet, recycling, spontaneous tree hugging, etc)?

Love this and the community service thread! Thanks for starting them. :)

I think you're right on the mark about Druidry's relationship to environmentalism. The Druid Revival began, along with the Romantic Period of the late 18th and early 19th centuries, at least in part in response to the Industrial Revolution and its dehumanizing, world-devouring influences. The Romantics (artists, poets, intellectuals, philosophers, etc.) were responding to the kind of Cartesian dualism that split the mind/spirit from the physical body and the material world. Valuing the aesthetic and spiritual qualities of the natural world was a big part of how they countered this dualism and sought to overcome it. I think these days folks have a tendency to dismiss Revival Druidry as "romanticism" (lower-case) as though to suggest that it's naively idealistic or inaccurate. There are some inaccuracies in it, of course, but Romanticism (upper-case) was a hugely important philosophical movement in the evolution of Western civilization, and modern day environmentalism and conservation (not to mention ecosophy and deep ecology, and even the scientific study of ecosystems to some extent) owe their existence to ideas first explored by the Romantics. If you really wanted to get technical, you could probably argue that any person today who uses the name "Druid" owes at least some thanks to the Romantics for their part in the revival of that spiritual archetype.

But it's not just Druidry's connection with the Romantics that suggests it has some "green" tendencies. From my understanding of ancient Celtic culture, the Celts tended to be much more concerned with the earth and (what we would call) "nature spirits" than some of the other ancient religious traditions of the time. In fact, that was one of the arguments the Romans used in support of their belief that the Celts were mere uncivilized barbarians - that they held their rituals outside among the trees in sacred groves and seemed to worship nature, instead of worshipping "proper" gods in elaborate temples full of refined sculptures. A deep connection with and respect for the natural world runs deeply through Celtic spirituality in general - and actually, it seems to me that the Wiccan focus on the natural world might actually stem from its early relationship (via Gerald Gardner and Ross Nichols) to Revival Druidry and Celtic spirituality. I think it's kind of a shame that some Reconstructionists I've met and talked to these days try to distance themselves from Wicca by dropping this nature-focus and focusing instead on polytheism as of primary importance. (That was actually a discussion we had on another thread, so I don't want to rehash it here! ;))

Personally, the focus on the natural world and environmentalism is so central to my understanding of Druidry, it's fair to say that it's the primary (if not entire) reason I became a Pagan to begin with. I had struggled all my life with the ambivalent role that nature and the earth played in Christianity, looking to saints like Francis of Assisi to try to ease my discomfort with how often world-denying the Christian tradition could be. In the end, though, it just wasn't enough - and when I discovered Druidry, it came as such a relief that here was a religious path where my love of the earth could take a central role. My relationship with the natural world and its wildernesses had always been my main way of connecting with the sacred, and here was a community where that was not only tolerated, but supported and encouraged! Fantastic! :)

My environmentalism has remained a central aspect of my Druidry ever since. My partner and I live very frugally and simply, to lessen our impact on the earth in every way we can. We do all the small stuff - washing our clothes in cold water, refusing to use the car unless absolutely necessary, walking or biking most places, eating a vegetarian diet of mostly local, organic foods, reducing our plastic use to almost nothing, composting in the backyard, etc. We also participate in local environmental activism when we can, and we try to get away into the woods of the local state park to camp at least every few months during reasonable weather. We also both write regularly to advocate for environmental awareness (I'm the blog project coordinator for No Unsacred Place). And since we're getting married in two and a half months, we've spent the past year planning a "green" wedding and we're going for Platinum Certification for our wedding through the Live Green Live Smart Institute.

But maybe one of the most important ways that we blend our environmentalism with our spirituality is by actually trying to cultivate and nurture our relationship with the local landscape. I've been studying deep ecology and eco-philosophy for the past year or so, and slowly been learning more and more about our bioregion and its needs and moods. My spiritual practice challenges me to move away from an anthropocentric worldview and learn to see the world and all its beings as part of a "ecology of Spirit," all interconnected and valuable in their own right.

Wow! I didn't mean for this to get so long! But it's such a great topic, and a really important one, too. :) Thanks again for starting the thread!

End of Month Letter to Mentor

B--,

Another letter about my DOTR aspirant work. This month I basically made no progress on the actual lessons for DOTR, but I thought I'd share a bit about what I was doing.

Early in June was a lot of wedding stuff, including a trip with Jeff and the kids to see my parents for the weekend and attend a birthday/wedding shower/engagement party. We had some time with Savanah to do her "Teen Druidry" lessons, which this month included learning how to sense and work with energies through visualization. We gave her some simple visualization exercises to do for a couple weeks, and had a chance the weekend before last to take her to the local conservancy where we practiced sensing the "nemeton" (or aura/energy) around different plants.

My birthday was this month, which meant I had a general obligation to hang out with people instead of keeping to myself (oh well!), and I didn't have a chance to do any kind of birthday rite or divination like I like to do - it's just been too busy this year.

Jeff and I did have a chance to attend an Alban Heruin/Summer Solstice ritual this year with the local ADF grove, though. On the morning of the solstice itself, we were up at 3:30 AM to drive out to a park outside the city where we met up with a handful of others for a ritual to greet the rising sun. Unfortunately, it was raining heavily for most of the time, so our ritual took place under a pavilion instead of on top of the hill where it would normally have been held. Still, it was very moving and enjoyable - and we had a chance to have breakfast with a couple members of the grove afterwards. We're hoping to attend more of their open gatherings and get to know the local Druid community better (especially when we have more time after the wedding).

Last weekend, we attended the Wild Goose Festival down in Shakori Hills, NC - it's a progressive/emergent Christian festival focused on Celtic spirituality, justice, music and art. A friend of ours, Carl McColman, was one of the speakers and the festival was run by Gareth Higgins, who was the coordinator of the Northern Ireland Celtic spirituality and peacemaking retreat I went on last August. We had a chance to see a number of really important, influential leaders of the progressive/emergent movement, and made some good friends (as well as having a chance to catch up with old ones). It gave us a lot of food for thought. I'm in the process of typing up my notes from the festival (along with annotations) and posting them to my spiritual diary, and I'll eventually have some reflections to post in essay-form on my website. I think Pagans and Christians have a great deal to learn from one another, and being around such thoughtful, sincere spiritual folks, regardless of religion, always leaves me feeling inspired and energized.

I've also begun to explore shamanic work as part of my self-designed Ovatic training. Not sure if I ever laid this out for you before, but basically, I spent about eight or so years studying poetry and music in high school and college (to the point where I won several awards and had been published quite a bit), plus my Candidate year with AODA studying the Bardic arts. After completing the first degree with AODA, I decided that my second degree work would be "flavored" with an Ovatic focus - studying the subtle energies and interconnections of the world through work with deep ecology, divination, magic, dreams, meditation and trance work. My study of astrology falls into this type of work (both as a kind of divination in some respects, and also a study of the patterns and energy play of the stars), and I've been studying ecology and ecosophy as well, from a more mundane/scientific perspective (plus learning more about our local bioregion). The divination work has been largely tarot, though like I mentioned to you already I've also started to work with ogham based on Erynn Rowan Laurie's work (and also Mountfort's book, too, which I think you mentioned in your last letter - yes, I definitely agree that his approach to the tree ogham is very helpful!). I've been doing my usual meditation and hillwalking, and now that Jeff and I are running and doing yoga again, that's become an aspect of my meditative work, too. One aspect of my Ovatic work that I'd always intended to include but hadn't been brave enough to plunge into until recently was actual shamanic work, though I have occasionally done some Active Imagination meditation/visualization during some rituals. But for my birthday, Jeff got me a book on shamanism by Caitlin Matthews, and so last week I finally jumped in and began with the first few exercises. On a whim two days ago, we were walking back from dinner to a friend's house when we saw a store selling fair trade items from Morocco (a store we'd thought had closed about a year ago, but that had just moved locations and transferred ownership)... so we stopped in - turns out, there was a lovely little frame drum on sale, so Jeff insisted on getting it for me. So now I have a drum to work with for my shamanic work, too. (The shop also had a few bodhran drums, which I'd really like to get someday, but they were quite a bit more expensive and I don't know the first thing about playing them, so they'll have to wait a little bit longer...)

And finally, just yesterday, Jeff and I got some tattoos done (which is why this email is pecked out on the keyboard, since I can't rest my wrist on the laptop). We each got matching wrist tattoos of a calla lily yin yang symbol as "wedding tattoos" (representing the blending of opposites, male and female and so on, incorporating the calla lily as the Druidic "third thing" borne out of that relationship, also a symbol of beauty and peace and in itself incorporating female (the chalice shape of the petals) and male (the stamen). I also got a large back tattoo done (which was... wow, quite painful!) of a design that I worked on in a semi-trance state on the morning of the summer solstice after returning from the ADF sunrise rite. It matches and compliments my "Ninth Wave" armband (which I also designed) - this tattoo is a stylized "Celtic"-looking sun design which also incorporates a few meaningful symbols that connect it to my relationship with Brigid as Lady of Star Fire. I posted the design to my spiritual diary on the summer solstice, and after the tattoo heals more I'll post a picture of the final piece as well.

So that's what I've been up to! I do apologize for not going step by step through the DOTR lessons! Life just always seems to interfere and demand my attention in many different directions. It strikes me sometimes as a bit funny that so much of my life is focused on my Druidry and my spirituality, and yet even still I'm so bad at working through prescribed lesson plans. But I will get through them eventually, and in the meantime, I try to approach all this work as a slow, organic accretion of many different skills which, even if they're only gained slowly and seemingly haphazardly, are better integrated and interconnected as part of my spiritual journey because of it.

Blessings,
Ali

Annotated Notes from the Wild Goose Festival, Day 2

[This post has been backdated to the appropriate day of the festival itself, just to make future reference convenient for me and to break things up a bit.]

[We were up fairly early and had the fruit we'd packed for breakfast, before heading to the main festival area for the various talks and presentations. Walking along the path from the camping area to the main area, we ran into Carl almost immediately, who right away put us in a good mood with his cheerfulness and optimism. After exchanging a few words, Jeff and I headed over to a talk on our own, agreeing to meet up again with Carl later.]


9 AM | Christine Sine | Spirituality & Gardening

• cooks like to compete, gardeners like to share
• generosity of God ["God" - Earth?] so much that we have to share
  - perishable produce
  - reaching out to neighbors
• scarcity transformed into abundance
• the garden as a church
[this is a very familiar concept in Paganism, that nature is our "church" and we learn the lessons of the Earth as Mother and teacher; in fact, much of this talk could have been pulled straight from a Pagan festival presentation, with a few vocabulary changes]
• health and spiritual benefits of time spent outside in creation ["creation"? why not just say "nature" or "natural world" as the actual scientific research does? is "man-made" not part of creation? is indoors not as much "creation" as outdoors?]
• garden in monastic community represents Garden of Eden (apple or other fruit tree in center as Tree of Life)
• using plants to tell stories, as mnemonic device
  - the passion flower
  - the three-leaf clover
• rhythms and cycles of the garden
  - liturgical year of the church (Easter as spring time, rebirth, f'ex)
[the speaker herself was from Australia and spoke about how the story of Easter and its timing in the liturgical year never made much sense to her, living as she did in a place where in March and April everything is dying and preparing for winter - only when she moved to the northern hemisphere did the story suddenly make sense; isn't this one example of the limits of universal tradition?]
• putting down roots at the "beginning" of the liturgical year, in winter
• pruning in winter because no sap, easier to see deadwood among the bare branches and to see what needs to be pruned
  - why do we prune? to increase yield, be more fruitful/productive later on
• summer flourishing - effortless, natural, God doing the work [Earth doing the work of self-giving and natural fecundity]
• organic gardening
  - all about soil, the story of the seeds falling on rock, soil, etc. to take root (or not)
  - not enough focus on the soil in Christianity [duh! not enough focus on the Earth and earth mysteries]
  - speaker says it's "a shame that the fall harvest festivals aren't really celebrated or popular anymore" and thinks they should be brought back [Jeff comments: they're not celebrated anymore because they were stamped out for being "too pagan"]
[a lot of her language involves this idea of being a better/more productive Christian, which prompted Jeff to ask, "what does it actually mean to be a 'productive Christian'?" is this the same as being a productive or a good person, or is there some other criteria? nurturing members of the church to do what, exactly?] [another assertion the speaker makes is that there's a disconnect between what we can learn in the garden, and what Christians are often taught in church/community about who/what to focus on - this prompts me to ask, slightly ironically, why is there a disconnect between the garden and theology? does it have something to do with the story of the Fall and human beings forced to leave the garden behind? also, what is the role of wilderness and the wild natural world? interacting with the relatively safe, human-cultivated space of a garden to grow food mostly as a hobby - when you don't have to rely on it for your very life if something goes wrong - is a very different approach to nature than the one that acknowledges its power and destruction, as well as its capriciousness]
• composting - the transformative work that God does, "we're full of garbage" that God changes into "black gold" of rich soil
[after the talk, Jeff points out that compost isn't just some mysterious-magical process of transformation, but involves a million million tiny beings each on their own working to break down the "garbage" and changing it into something we can use - these beings deserve acknowledgement and respect as well, and they provide us with perspective, our "garbage" is, to them, the stuff of life - I add, what looks like decay is just another kind of life]

11 AM | Margot Starbuck | Shame-Based Advertising: Faith and Justice Transforming Women's Body Image Obsessions

[we were a bit late to this talk because we were trying to find our way around and we went back to our campsite to grab our chairs]

• marketing based on the idea that something is wrong with you - this is not true, you are loved just as you are, already
[umm - Christianity? hello? didn't we just finish hearing someone speaking about how we're "full of garbage" and in need of transformation? what is the role of salvation in Christianity, and how does this relate to this idea?]
• always apologizing for our appearance anxieties
  -> we're not being present
  -> we're still turned inward and focused on ourselves
  -> we're communicating to others what we most value not just about ourselves but about them
• "that's what bodies are for" - the idea that our body is for others, to be used in service to them [frankly, this idea makes me a bit uncomfortable, overly self-abnegating]
• humility - genuine interest in others, escaping interiority
• stop at enough
  - stewardship - when you stop at enough, whatever you have beyond enough is your gift to others, a call to stewardship
[beauty - what about art? can the body be viewed as art, as a kind of self-expression or aesthetic expression? the speaker told a story of her daughter wanting to dye her hair - is this because she didn't like herself as she was, or because she wanted to experiment with her own style? is there a message of ascetic simplicity hidden in this?] [liturgical dress and ritual dress - the speaker seemed to suggest that wearing fine clothes to worship service was mostly a conceit and/or an invitation to be judged shallowly - but this leaves me wondering what is the role of aesthetics in ritual when it comes to dress and appearance of ritual participants? this seems to reflect a generally Protestant distaste for ritual]

12 PM | Richard Rohr | Falling Upward

• Two Halves of Life
  - "What is healthy in the first half of life becomes neurosis in the second half." - Jung
• 1st Half of Life - developing ego structure [individuation?]
  - creating the "container"
  - can get stuck defending boundaries and entrenched in establishing identity
• 2nd Half of Life - "contents"
• Plotkin's terms:
  - Survival Dance
  - Sacred Dance
• Hindu four stages of life:
  - student
  - householder
  - forest dweller
  - sage
  [here we see this return to the cycles of life again as a way of expanding the Christian context]
• Rohr says you'd think that Christianity [or I guess religion in general?] would be right out in front leading this process of growth from 1st half to 2nd half of life, then asks why aren't Christian traditions out in front leading the way?
• duality - paradox
  - for Catholics - the Pascal Mystery: "Christ has died, Christ has risen, Christ will come again" is not just a statement about Jesus, but a statement about the self
• "The cleverest way to avoid following Jesus is to worship Jesus." [got lots of laughs]
• "your game must fail you" - powerlessness, weakness, otherwise you cannot move on
• necessary suffering
• grace is punishment for the ego
  - there's nothing the ego hates more than this freely given love/forgiveness, because the ego likes things balanced, tit for tat, etc.
• permission to trust the movement into the 2nd half of life
• as a speaker/teacher/writer - not saying anything new
  - the role of the writer/teacher is to forward conversation by articulating certain ideas in helpful ways
  - recognition, not cognition (the reader/student says, "oh, this is something like what I've thought before" [but hopefully is also challenged?])
  - spiritual guidance
• the story of Odysseus - the second journey after the journey home
  - walk inland carrying an oar from your ship, until you come across someone who mistakes your oar for a winnowing fan, then plant the winnowing fan in the ground, make offerings to Poseidon, and return home
  - the winnowing fan - symbol of maturity, the ability of proper discernment
• reevaluating the Survival Dance
• flesh = ego (in Acts and Paul's letters)
  - the overly-defended self
• going from Ego-Driven to Soul-Drawn
• Spiral Dynamics
  - 9 levels
  - transcend and include (-> forgiveness)

[Conversation over lunch with Carl about the discipline of writing and the difficult of networking and publicity. Had a chance to meet Mike Morrell, as well as Pete Rollins briefly.]


3 PM | Phyllis Tickle | What In This World Is Going On?

• every 500 years - a reformation / rummage sale / "hoopla" of some kind - everything changes
  (for cultures stemming from, influenced by or colonized under latinized Christianity - i.e. "First World")
  - 33(ish) AD - Jesus, Christianity out of Judaism
  - 500(ish) AD - Fall of Roman Empire
  - 1000(ish) AD - Great Schism between Catholic and Orthodox Churches
  - 1500(ish) AD - Great Reformation, birth of Protestantism
  - 2000(ish) AD - "Great Emergence"? Emergent Christianity
• no more experts - culture too saturated, too much info to process
[does knowing that we're in a recurring reformation change how we react? is this similar to the self-conscious evolution where culture comes to take the place of natural selection forces?]
• 12 distinct forms of Emergent Christianity (also, distinct from "progressive Christianity")
• very diverse, but share some common traits:
  - nonhierarchical
  - no institution or formal organization
  - concern very much with social justice
  - reject any kind of arrogance in claiming to know "what God thinks"
[these are traits that tend to be shared with the Pagan movement, though the emphasis on social justice has been subverted somewhat in recent years; and the rejection of arrogance extends to actually rejecting a monotheistic God itself, though a new arrogance is cropping up in claiming to know what the many polytheistic gods think or want from us]
• things different about the current "hoopla" going on:
  - the knowledge and historical perspective afforded means we can address this current reformation with tranquility and calm, take it in stride
  - 65+ demographic is more involved, not just young folks
  - important to realize that U.S. and Canada are late to the game, this has been going on in Europe and other places for a while
  - b/c of internet, globalization, there's no physical location where this is happening - this means we need to focus on ways of cultivating personal contact among members of the movement (we need to get together every once in a while to "smell each other")
• the key question for the reformation/emergence is: Where now is your authority? or, How now shall we live?
• changing location of authority as Christianity evolved in history
  - pope -> scripture (during Protestant reformation, introducing the idea of Protestant inerrancy)
  
• changing focus on Persons of the Trinity:
  - some Christians very comfortable with God-the-Father but not as comfortable with Jesus Christ (e.g. Catholics and mainline Protestants?)
  - some Christians all about Jesus Christ but shy away from God-the-Father aspect (e.g. Evangelicals)
  - very few Christians comfortable with the role of Holy Spirit
  - recent shift towards role of Holy Spirit and direct experience of God (e.g. Pentecostals)

[will this be reflected in where the next source of authority is located? in charismatic leadership, for instance? does this reflect somewhat the direction the general culture is headed, towards effective mass-marketing and emotionalism/sensationalism? also, what makes Phyllis Tickle think this will be "the last reformation" once Christians have "completed the Trinity" so to speak? evidence for this? naive, considering the evidence of history? would approaching this from the perspective of the cyclical nature of time change our view of things?]

• Big Questions coming up for Christians:
  - What is our theology of religion? (i.e. how do "we as Christians" interface with and live in a multicultral, multifaith world?)
  - What is the nature of atonement?
  - What is a human being?


• "Most world religions agree in their wisdom and their morality. It is in their Mysteries that they differ."


• newest discoveries in modern physics are driving this current reformation, bringing up big questions about ontology and the nature of human existence and meaning


• science and knowledge changing culture, these changes come last to religion (where we do the hard work of integrating ideas and understanding their implications)

[Conversation over dinner with Carl and his friend, Pat, who was a practicing Pagan back in the 80s (?) but now considers herself the Pagan version of "spiritual but not religious." We talked about issues of social justice and environmentalism, and the tendency for Pagans to be too insular and prone to in-fighting, rather than focusing on larger social issues. I had a chance to brag a bit about the PNC and the No Unsacred Place blog project as examples of how social media is helping Pagans build the necessary community infrastructure to expand the conversation and participate more effectively in national conversations over important issues.]


8 PM | Doug Pagitt | The Inventive Age

• institutions are cultural artifacts (including churches)
• Four Aspects of Culture:
  - thinking (head)
  - values (heart)
  - aesthetics (gut)
  - tools (hands)
• Four Ages:
  - Agrarian Age (farming)
  - Industirial Age (industrial revolution)
  - Information Age (science and technology)
  - Inventive Age (current age, creativity and innovation, social media, etc.)
• Churches in the 4 Ages have had a shifting focus:
  - Agrian Age (rural) had the "parish church", all about location
  - Industrial Age (urban) had competing "brands"/denominations
  - Information Age (suburban) all about learning, education
  - Inventive Age (global) all about creativity and meaning-making (?)
• role of books is to help further conversation that is already going on
• What Defines the Inventive Age:
  - the need to make meaning
  - the need to make beauty
[not sure how these are different from any other age, or if this is just the natural focus of any transitional period of time when everything seems to be in flux; is meaning-making and beauty-making a sustainable cultural model? what are some of the pitfalls of the Inventive Age - perhaps that mirror the pitfalls of the previous Ages - again, focus on marketing and cult of personality (in contrast to, f'ex, consumerism and capitalism getting going in the Industrial Age, or the emphasis on knowledge = power in the Information Age?)]
• Bounded Set Systems v. Center Set Systems v. Relational Set Systems
  - Bounded Set: a playground with a fence around it to keep kids inside and safe, clear lines between who's in and who's out, concern with identity markers and community boundaries
  - Center Set: playground with really interesting, fun stuff in the center, no boundaries or fuzzy boundaries, the "main attraction" in the center gathers interested participants, who are free to come and go as they choose
  - Relational Set: no playground, each kid brings their own toys and no one knows what games will be played until everyone shows up and you see what you have [this could be understood as "emergent community"? also, if there's "no playground" - how do you know where and when to go to meet up with others? how do you mobilize and connect? festivals and temporary meeting spaces becoming increasingly important?]

[After such a long day, we were exhausted, so Jeff and I headed back to camp pretty early and were sound asleep by 9:30 PM or so.]

Annotated Notes from the Wild Goose Festival, Day 1

[This post has been backdated to the appropriate day of the festival itself, just to make future reference convenient for me and to break things up a bit.]

[Today is nothing but annotation, as I didn't take any notes during the first day of the festival.

We got on the road around 7:30 AM and arrived at Shakori Hills Farm by late afternoon. After a long, hot day in the car, I know I personally was feeling a bit cranky — this wasn't improved much by finding out on our arrival that our ticket price did not cover the cost of parking or the cost of a festival program, which we had to purchase separately (who ever heard of that?). Though the prices were relatively reasonable, the lack of forewarning left us feeling like we were being nickel and dimed (especially after recent announcements from the Wild Goose that they'd sold so many tickets and made so much money that they could afford to give tickets away for free, while speakers had "waived their speaking fees" as a donation to the festival). Also, we were not prepared with cash and the festival organizers were not prepared with an ATM, so we spent about half an hour being shuffled from one volunteer booth to another trying to find a way to pay. I was initially disappointed by the facilities, or notable lack thereof — not only were there no showers available for campers (except pay-per-minute hot showers), but there weren't even any bathrooms or running water, only port-a-potties and "use your foot" hand-washing stations. This was more a concern for me because I had a cut on my hand that I worried could become infected without regular washing with hot water and soap (but luckily, a barrage of hand sanitizer, soapy water, clean water and a layer of Neosporin after every trip to the bathroom and once before bed kept it clean enough, plus occasional trips into Chapel Hill to use actual bathrooms). The camping ground area itself was wooded and pretty nice, though we were worried that someone would demand that we pay for an extra tent space because we had a small screen house in addition to our tiny two-person tent. Luckily, it was never an issue.

We arrived just as the opening ceremony was going on, so we missed out on that while setting up camp. Once we were settled, we decided to head in to Chapel Hill (about half an hour away) to get out of the heat for a little while, and so Jeff could show me around his alma mater a bit. We had dinner at a small restaurant (forget the name), though a combination of the heat and the long drive left me not feeling very hungry. Over dinner, we joked about the idea of finding a place that sold occult jewelry so that we could wear large, obvious pentacles during the rest of the festival and avoid being mistaken as Christians. (This had already happened a few times even in the short time we'd been at the festival site, and I think we were both feeling somewhat bristled about it. Not that we blamed anyone for the assumption, but it's always slightly uncomfortable to be surrounded by people assuming a certain amount of privilege. Even when I was a Christian, I didn't go around name dropping Jesus and God into casual conversations with strangers.) By this time, though, it was late enough that most of the shops were closed, so we tabled that idea. I resolved to try to set aside my grumpiness and cynicism and put on my "anthropologist hat," to become just an interested observer and note-taker.

When returned to the festival grounds and made our way to the campsite. We were both incredibly hot and disappointed there were no showers available, but we decided to follow Granny Weatherwax's philosophy of hygiene and "wash all the bits as and whens they becomes available." This meant fumbling with a wash cloth, bar of soap and spray bottle of water in the dark as we stripped naked and helped each other wash the most badly-in-need-of-washing areas, while other campers gathered around fires and tents only a few yards away. If anyone was offended (or even saw), we never heard anything. It did lead me to think about how much easier it is to keep clean when you're not worrying about also trying to stay modestly covered up. When we were ready for bed and trying to fall asleep, it was nearly 1 AM, but our neighbors were still going strong chatting and laughing. Jeff got up and politely asked them to quiet down a bit, since we'd been up at 6 AM and had had a long, hot drive that day. I was lying in our tent listening, when I heard the unmistakable accent of Gareth, who explained that this was actually a meeting of festival staff members and so they couldn't stay quiet. He did offer the "compromise" of trying to be a bit quieter and finish up as soon as they could (which, considering they were in the woods surrounded by other campers, I would think would be more common courtesy than compromise — but then, I was still grumpy and exhausted at that point). I'm still not sure Gareth realized who Jeff was, and I'm not sure what to make of the irony of setting up camp right next to the main staff tent completely by accident. For other nights, they moved the meeting elsewhere, so noise wasn't a problem after that, and the people whose tent it was inquired after us the next morning to make sure we'd slept okay, so it all worked out, really. We slept like logs, even though Jeff had forgotten to pack the mats so we were on pretty hard ground for the weekend.]

Diary - Spirit Animal

Sun: cancer (cardinal water), 5:50 AM - 8:54 PM
Moon: last quarter, pisces (mutable water), VoC
Earth: hot and muggy all day with thick clouds this morning giving way to sun this afternoon, with evening comes more clouds again and rustling wind hinting at a thunderstorm


So I finally had a chance to try out some of the shamanic journey work from the book Jeff got me for my birthday, Caitlin Matthews' Singing the Soul Back Home: Shamanic wisdom for every day.

For the ritual, I did draw a circle (with incense) to ward and protect the space, and then invited in the blessings of the four directions. Next, I did the DOTR Three Realms working to connect to below, above and center (my way: sea, sky and land/tree, respectively). Once grounded and centered, I took off my glasses and tied on the blindfold to help with trance work.

For this first attempt, I followed Caitlin Matthews' advice about first trying to connect with your instrument and then finding a "spirit animal." I have a small, square clay rattle — forget where I got it — that seems modeled after some Native American look, with spirals carved into one side. So to begin, I spent some time exploring the rattle and trying to use it in different ways to get a consistent sound. It was more difficult than I'd anticipated and I found that it was very hard to keep a consistent beat with it — it seemed like the beads (or whatever is inside the rattle) would get kind of stuck in a corner if I shook the rattle too consistently in just one direction, so that the rattle would become muted and almost silent…. but thinking too much about it and trying to intentionally vary the movement of my hand often resulted in an uneven rhythm or just plain confused coordination.

I did eventually find a way of holding the rattle where I could get a consistent beat without having to consciously think about it, so at that point then I tried to do some journey work. Caitlin Matthews recommends beginning every journey in the Middle World from a real location — not necessarily the location you're actually in, but some location that actually exists in the physical world somewhere and that you've been to. So instead of going to my "inner grove" as I would normally do, I tried to go to this one outcropping on Mount Desert Island in Acadia, where the cliffs jut out into the ocean and the low pine forests always seem shrouded in fog. It's a very quiet, mist-strewn and magical place and I've felt more than once that I could very well slip between the worlds there. It's also where I saw those wild otters running through the underbrush that one year. So I reached out to try to get there…

But not all that successfully. I felt like I couldn't concentrate very well and kept slipping in and out of focus. I think there are several reasons for this: (a) Not being used to trying to rattle and meditate at the same time. (b) The rattle itself not giving the most resonant rhythm to journey with. (c) Trying to go to a location that I don't have much practice going to. (d) My slight physical discomfort because of the stuffy, overly warm room, the heaviness of the blindfold which made me even warmer, and a mild headache probably from lack of food and/or water. Not the best conditions for trying to do journey work, but it was the only time I really had.

Once or twice, I seemed to catch glimpses of animals — but for a long time, none really came close enough for me to connect or communicate with them in any way. A seagull here or there out over the ocean, that type of thing. I tried to keep my purpose in mind during the work, repeating my intention to journey in order to meet my spirit animal... but for a while, it was touch and go and I was getting frustrated. Once or twice, I seemed to see some kind of creature in front of me on the trail among the trees and undergrowth, but couldn't get a clear impression.

Eventually, I decided to stop rattling and try journeying in silence. I laid down on my back (to relieve the cramped circulation in my left leg from the way I'd been sitting) and untied the blindfold, just draping it gently over my eyes instead. I continued to try to stay focused on the journey work, but I may have started to drift off to sleep or allow my mind to wander. At one point, though, I realized that in my mind that sure enough I was following along behind an animal, short and stocky and low to the ground. I'm not sure if this was in dream or trance or what, but when I realized it, I tried to clarify the impression and asked of the creature if it was my spirit animal whom I'd come to meet. It turned to look at me briefly, and for a second I couldn't tell quite what I was looking at, but then the impression resolved into a grayish, shaggy badger (with the deep black face and the white stripe down its forehead to its nose).

My first reaction was to scoff and think that this couldn't be my spirit animal, because I felt no connection with that animal at all and it seemed so... dull and mundane. Part of me noticed some similarity between the badger and the white dog, Moira, who has shown up in some of my meditations before, and I wondered if this was Moira just in a different guise. I tried to ask the badger its name and find out if it was Moira, but it shrugged and trundled off along the path. I think at this point I began to fall asleep again, because though I continued to follow it, I started to hear very clearly two voices arguing — they were male, youngish, with thick stereotypically Mexican/Hispanic accents — and though I couldn't see anyone (it was as if the voices were behind me or as if my eyes were closed, though I could still see Badger ahead of me), they continued to argue loudly about whether or not Badger was my spirit animal. One of them said (speaking to me, not to the other) something like, "Oh, so, it won't speak to me, so now it won't speak to you!" as though in explanation for why the badger didn't seem interested in speaking and had turned its back on me and trundled away.

Then suddenly, I realized I'd lost track or lost sight of where Badger had gone, but I was standing in front of a huge, thick-trunked tree. Though I hadn't seen anything, I had the vague impression that Badger has actually become the tree, and the tree seemed to have an gnarled old face in its trunk, made from the bumps and knots of the bark. I looked down and it was as though the ground beneath were clear or transparent somehow, or that at least I could see through it, because I could see the roots of the tree reaching down into the earth and rock and spreading out in all directions, just as I could see the branches of the tree spreading out above. It was almost like looking at a painting or drawing (or photoshopped photograph) of a tree with a "reflection" in the ground, except the reflection wasn't a mirror image reversed of the leafy branches, but definitely and distinctly twining, dirty roots. Not sure what to do, I sat down under the tree, my back against the trunk and found myself doing the DOTR Three Realm working the way I had done when visiting the Angel Oak last month.

The loud, obnoxious invisible voices continued to argue back and forth, until at some point I kind of interrupted them and asked them to shut it. Then I tried reaching out to Badger again to see if it would come back, and there it was, coming out from behind the tree trunk. I asked politely if I could come closer, and it sat back, upright on its back haunches, and allowed me to approach. I saw its amazingly powerful claws, and its small eyes peering at me. I started to think about all the various references to badgers I'd seen recently - the story Emma Restall Orr tells in her book about a badger coming across her in meditation in the woods, the "honey badger don't give a shit" youtube video Ryan showed everyone at the last work conference, some vague impression that maybe the badger was related to the groundhog and was therefore connected somehow to Brigid... When Badger seemed to lose patience with my wandering, chattering mind and clicked it claws at me, then leaned back down onto all fours and trundled off again. I realized I couldn't keep focus for much longer in any case, so at that point I ended the journey work.

I sat back up and wasn't sure what to do for a moment. I was so skeptical of Badger being my spirit animal, fairly convinced that it was just some weird thing in my subconscious picking up pop culture references or something... but I knew that the next step, according to Caitlin Matthews, was to "Dance the Animal" to welcome it and give it a chance to live in the world through you. So in the small space I had in the study where I was set up for ritual, I sort of sat on my haunches and began to try to dance in a way that mimicked the movement of Badger. Since most of my journey had been spent watching it shuffle away, I started by kind of rocking my hips back and forth, as though "trundling in place" — then I allowed this movement to kind of carry all the way up my spine until my whole torso was shifting and twisting back and forth. I got the urge to move my arms as well, and so began to rock them backwards and forwards, swinging them as though walking — it took a bit to get the hang of it and coordinate the swinging with the rocking of my hips. I did this for quite a while (it seemed like a while, anyway), breathing kind of heavily, almost snuffling. By the end of it, I felt... great. The dancing, even in place, was amazingly helpful in seeming to ground me in my body and integrate the Badger energy, so that by the end I no longer was skeptical or scoffing at the idea that Badger might be my spirit animal after all.

To end the ritual, I blessed my small blue pitched of water, and gave a few flicks of water to the fire in thanks to the spirit of Badger, then took a sip of the water to honor the Badger spirit within me as well. I then did some poking around online to see if I could find out anything about the meaning or associations of badgers in mythology... but that'll have to wait until another time.

Diary - Summer Solstice

Days of Note: Alban Heruin ("Light of the Shore") / Summer Solstice

Sun: gemini (mutable air), 5:50 AM - 8:54 PM, solstice at 1:16 PM (local time)
Moon: waning gibbous, pisces (mutable water)
Earth: thunderstorms and rain this morning before dawn, cloudy much of the morning clearing to hot, sunny, muggy day

Jeff and I had the pleasure of celebrating the summer solstice this year with Sassafras Grove, the local Pittsburgh ADF group. Up at 3:30 AM, we drove out to Fairview Park to participate in a sunrise rite that, ideally, would have involved climbing the Tor which offers a view of southwestern Allegheny County and a magnificent view of the sun rising over the city…. except that it was pouring rain and thundering. We debated not going, but decided to head out anyway (since we missed Beltaine because of rain and we had been so looking forward to this one!) — the rain continued on and off, so they ended up holding the ritual under a pavilion at the bottom of the hill instead. Other than the two of us, only seven other people were in attendance (four of them grove members and three of them visitors); apparently, this was the first time in years that anyone other than grove members showed up for the rite. It was also the first time in about ten years that they didn't have a clear morning.

The rite itself was wonderful — focused on veneration of the sun and including deities from several different Indo-European hearth cultures. (I could go into detail about the structure of the ritual and all of that, but honestly, I'm feeling a bit "spacey" after the lack of sleep, mid-morning nap and long, hot afternoon, so I'll skip it for now. (Outlines for their Summer Solstice rituals from past years can be found here. I mostly wanted to note that we did attend, so that I wouldn't forget to write about it in here.) Jeff really enjoyed the rite and said afterward that it was the first time that a group ritual really "did anything for him." It was definitely a much more makeshift rite than the Imbolc rite I attended back in February — mostly because they weren't anticipating very many people showing up, so there was a little less preparation and a little more ad lib. One of the grove members was telling us over breakfast that the Imbolc ritual was actually one of the first regular rituals the group ever did and had started even before the grove was associated with ADF, so a great deal of tradition and such has grown up around it and accrued more and more because no one wants to let go of any. Compared to that ritual (which had between thirty and forty people attending, plus nine acting priests), this summer solstice ritual was simple and more relaxed. But again, the structure of the ritual worked very well so that by the end I was definitely "feeling it" and jiving with the energies raised. I have to admit, though on paper I think the ADF ritual structure tends to be a bit overly complicated, they're starting to win me over by being able to pull it off so well.

That said, I do feel a bit out of sync with the sheer number of deities often involved in rituals. I tend to be more of a "devotee" type, I guess, really focused on just a few and interested in making my own rites very much All About Them. This summer solstice ritual, even though it was mostly focused on veneration and praise for the actual sun itself, still involved calling on triads of deities from different ancient cultures for each major step in the liturgy (warding the space, opening the gates, making offerings to the Kindred, etc.). In fact, I'm pretty sure there were more gods in attendance at this ritual than there were people! Not that this is a bad thing — clearly it works pretty well for them. But it's the difference between a big party and an intimate date. I'm an intimate date kind of person when it comes to my relationship with the gods. During this ritual, the invocation of Brighid as patron goddess of the grove and of Manannan as one of the Gatekeepers was kind of like seeing really good friends at a large gathering, but only being able to wave briefly to them in passing before being swept along again.

Again, not necessarily a bad thing. A big, public ritual like that once every six weeks or so might be just fine. But I'm not sure I'd be up for getting deeply involved in ADF and spending a lot of time planning such rituals and having them be my main focus. Honestly, there are a lot of other things I'm interested in focusing on, and I'm starting to realize that I lean much more towards the mystic-poet type than the minister-priest type. This is what happens when you're an introvert, I guess.

Still, it was excellent to be able to come and participate, and Jeff and I got to have breakfast with two of the grove members after the ritual was over. We got Eric (also spelled Earrach) talking about his history and involvement with ADF and Sassafras Grove, and that was just awesome. I always worry about being a bit too awkward and saying the wrong thing in those kinds of situations, especially when people start talking about topics that I'm pretty familiar with (at least academically) but haven't necessarily had much hands-on or community experience with. But overall, I think it went very well, and I know Jeff and I are both eager to participate in future events of theirs.

After returning home around 9:30 AM, I ended up falling asleep again until 11:30 AM… We eventually made our way to lunch, and then this afternoon I spent working on designing my next tattoo (which I'll be getting in a week, at the beginning of July). I was working on a sun design to match or compliment my Celtic wave armband design and also to somewhat cover the old and faded tattoo on my right shoulder…. But the design I ended up creating is so complex and so pretty that, frankly, I think I'd like to make it larger and put it somewhere else, more prominent, possibly even in the center of my back (similar to the placement of Jen's large henna-like crop circle tattoo). Below is a black-and-white and a color version of the tattoo.

For my birthday, Jeff got me a book on Celtic shamanism "for everyday life" and I'm really interested in trying out some of the techniques, so I also wanted to make some time very soon to do some journey-work, especially since I haven't done any in a while. But we're about to head out to dinner and hang out with Arthur, and then we're leaving Thursday morning for the Wild Goose Festival, so I really have no idea when I'll have a chance to do that. I guess we'll see!

Diary - Birthday

Days of Note: My birthday

Sun: gemini (mutable air), 5:49am - 8:53pm
Moon: *waning gibbous, aquarius (fixed air)
Earth: humid much of the day, warm with sun every once in a while through the haze, brief but intense thunderstorms in early evening, rain like a foam-white curtain draped noisily over the landscape, pounding, and now sunset

Once again, I've been very bad at keeping up with this diary, and to be perfectly honest, I haven't done much DOTR work in the past month (despite being so hopeful). Where the month has gone already, it's hard to say! Weekends with the kids have been full and playful, and we've spent a lot more time at the park and on the playground, for which I'm thankful, not to mention the garden. Last weekend, we visited my parents for a combined birthday-slash-engagement-party-slash-wedding-shower and the kids got to meet a lot of my relatives for the first time. I think they left a good impression on them (I hope, anyway!) — in fact, in some ways I think some of my relatives were both charmed and reassured. Perhaps they'd been worried that I was stepping into a slightly dysfunctional family situation. I won't say step-parenting isn't or won't be difficult and stressful at times, but really you couldn't ask for better kids. I've been wanting to write about the party for our wedding blog for the past week, but I've also been bleeding for about seven or eight days now and it's left me incredibly drained of energy (not to mention frustrated at times). This past week was also an intense one in terms of stress about wedding plans, but —


My journaling was interrupted by Jeff and Savanah wanting to watch "The Color of Magic" movie that Jeff got from my parents for his birthday…. and now it's nearly 11 PM. So I'm calling it a night.

This is why I haven't journaled recently.

Goodnight!

Follow-Up Letter to Mentor

B--,

Thanks so much for your response - and so quickly! I know you've been busy with your own work. :)

It's very reassuring to know that my variation/approach to the Three Realms Working practice is not only acceptable but welcome, and your description of how it fits in with the overall DOTR philosophy is refreshing. As you probably know, I've been stung before by banging heads a bit about "how things are done" within a certain Ancient Order That Will Not Be Named… One of the things I appreciate most about DOTR is the openness and flexibility - but not just in a wishy-washy kind of way that says, "We're accepting of everyone as long as you stay at 'newbie' level." That's something I have run into in other Druid groups, and it's made me a bit gun-shy about sharing some of my more in-depth thoughts. I know I can get very intense about my work, and sometimes that intensity can come off as over-bearing! So it really is a relief to be reassured on that matter and not feel pressure from DOTR to keep my enthusiasm in check lest I wander off the Approved Path. ;)

The points you brought up in your letter have given me a lot to think about. Your first point, about each of the Three Realms being connectors or bridges, is definitely something that resonates with my experience/understanding of them. To me, the Three are incredibly dynamic, though each in its own way, and they also all lead outward to each other even as you follow them more deeply inward… if that makes sense. So I think you're right that this is a key to my understanding, and keeping that in mind when trying to work with them in a "linear" meditative practice will definitely be helpful.

I think it's interesting that you said my description of Sea is almost completely metaphor compared to the other two Realms. I went back and reread what I wrote to see what you meant, and it seemed to me like they were all pretty evenly balanced (though maybe all of them tending a bit more towards the metaphorical). I remember when I was trying to articulate what I meant in the original letter that it actually helped a lot to go back and forth between my descriptions of each of the Realms looking for patterns of meaning as I wrote them out. I think your point about keeping the material realities of the Realms in mind is really important (and even though I'm, sadly, landlocked where I'm living right now, my dreams very often involve landscapes dominated by the ocean and the shoreline!)… But I wonder if the drought you're experiencing in GA means you're even more sensitive to the material reality of Sea in particular! :)

Your question about the gestures for the Three Realms practice is actually something I've been playing around with for a while, and still trying to work out. The way I do it right now (and it's been a while since I read the DOTR version, so I forget if this is basically the same or modified a little bit) is this:

- Begin with my hands resting lightly, palms down, on my knees (I almost always do this practice sitting cross-legged so that I can physically touch the ground/floor wherever I am).
- After centering through breath meditation, I lower my left hand to touch the ground to my left (palm down and flat), drawing up "blue" energy of the Sea to circulate through my body.
- When ready, with my left hand still touching the ground, I raise my right hand up above my head to my right (palm up and open, fingers extended upwards), drawing down "yellow" energy of the Sky to circulate through my body.
- When ready, I bring both hands together into namaste/prayer position just in front of my solar plexus (blending blue and yellow energy into the "green" energy of the Land).

After the Three Realms working, I sometimes move into another prayer honoring what ADF calls (I think) the "three hallows" of Tree, Fire and Well, using a prayer I adapted (though I forget from what source) and gestures I made to go with it. Either way, I end up in the namaste/prayer position at the end, and afterwards, I lower my hands again to rest, this time palms facing upwards, on my knees for any trance or energy work I'm doing for the session. If I don't do the Three Hallows prayer with gestures, then the energy from the Three Realms working I can either kind of "expand" into a surrounding, misty sphere (and then release/dissipate after my meditation) or I can direct it to a particular purpose/object for blessing/consecration or such.

I hope that gives you some idea of how it goes. :) If I remember right, the version in the Aspirant Lessons calls for turning in a circle at one point, but I've found that in our tiny apartment doing ritual work standing up and turning different ways just isn't practical (though if I'm directing the energy into an object, I will sometimes use the circular motion around it). I've also noticed that using the gestures with the left and right hands during the Three Realms working, the result of holding the position for any length of time is that my left arm (drawing up Sea energy) starts to feel loose and cool from resting relaxed, while my right arm (drawing down Sky energy) begins to feel tense and warm from the effort of holding my hand aloft. When I bring them together, my left hand feels warm to my right hand, and my right hand feels cool to my left hand (because blood has been leaving the right, raised up, and pooling in the left), so it's like a visceral, palpable experience of the energies mixing and exchanging.

And once again, it seems I've written a lengthy letter without meaning to! I hope this has been helpful for you - I know it has for me. :)

A few last things: Jeff's and my wedding will be in North Carolina, on the Outer Banks, on September 16, which is a Friday. It would be lovely if folks in the Order wanted to do a working to bless our marriage, and we would be very grateful! :)

Also, congratulations on the position at Cherry Hill Seminary! I definitely know about CHS (my friend, Cat, was heavily involved in its founding and early years). Every once in a while, I dream about applying to attend - especially once they get accreditation - but I always seem to have too much to do and not enough money. ;) If they're bringing you on and trying to incorporate Druidry a bit more into the curriculum, that sounds like something I'll definitely have to keep my eye on. I saw that you posted on the DOTR network about the course you're developing, so I'll go check that out - sometimes I think "intro" courses are the hardest ones to do, so I'm really interested in seeing what you do with it. :)

All right, that's all I have for now. Hope this letter wasn't too long!

Blessings,
Ali