Days of Note: Solstice Eve Day
Sun: sagittarius (fire/mutable), 7:39am - 4:56pm
Moon: **full moon, gemini (air/mutable)
Earth: cloudy all day with snow flurries, very cold
Thoughts: this morning, spent some time discussing with Jeff about whether or not to confront Emily, but came to no real conclusions about what the right thing to do is; mostly thinking about Solstice and our schedule with the kids and how to keep everything on track and running smoothly; finally getting into some "yuletide spirit"
Actions: breakfast with the kids, followed by a few hours of contractor work (while Jeff made popcorn and helped the kids with popcorn and cranberry garlands and birdseed ornaments for our greeting of the new born solstice sun at dawn tomorrow); lunch, followed by me taking some time to write up Savanah's Druidry lesson for the week and gather some supplies (this week we talked about altars, so Jeff and I had a "show and tell" time); then Savanah's lesson; I squeezed in a bit more contractor work while Jeff made an early dinner, then we all we out to Phipps to see the greenhouse at night with all the light displays; when we got home, we did a Winter Solstice meditation with the kids by candlelight, then sent the kids to bed; after they were asleep, finished wrapping presents and putting on tags and bows, then dragged up the boxes of Christmas decorations and set up everything in the dining room as a surprise for the kids in the morning (since we hadn't put up any decorations before that, because of the cat and a lack of time), but we draped garlands around the windows and put a garland and a fancy tree skirt around the miniature rosemary "tree" in the center of the table, surrounded by presents (Lannie's presents we set up sitting in each of the kids' respective seats at the table so they look like weird bodies in colored body bags who've all reanimated and decided to play poker - it looks so marvelously bizarre and creepy! pictures, of course, to follow); now, Jeff made us mint tea to have with some holiday cookies, since now we're the grown ups who get to have Santa's cookies! o, also, I forgot - received and opened a holiday card from my parents, as well as a gift from a reader who is a craftsman on Etsy, a beautiful leather-bound journal with acorn charm that she made herself and almost brought me to tears of gratitude that a reader could be so kind - I will definitely be sending her a thank you note (and pictures to follow, plus a thank you going up on Meadowsweet)
Connections: mostly looking forward to Solstice and the lunar eclipse tonight (tomorrow morning, technically) and trying to enjoy the day despite being quite busy; it was nice being able to take a few hours to get some work done and feeling productive even with having the kids this week; I think Jeff really enjoyed making the bird seed ornaments with them, and came up with some very creative solutions since our attempts last year were less than stellar; so all in all, I'm feeling calm and integrated and finally able to relax enough to enjoy the coming holidays
No daily tarot card tonight.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Daily Diary
Sun: sagittarius (fire/mutable), 7:39am - 4:56pm
Moon: *waxing gibbous, gemini (air/mutable)
Earth: cold and cloudy most of the day, with snow flurries on and off
Thoughts: generally worn from yesterday's confrontations; scheduling with my dad regarding family holiday time and going to Long Wood Gardens over Christmas; talked to my dad about Emily's latest stuff and how rough it's been on Jeff and me emotionally to cope with worries of the kids being suspicious or distrusting of us because of her behavior; thinking about Pagan+Politics (which Jeff is signing up to write for, now) and the medium of blogging and dealing with commenters and trolls; talked a little bit with Jeff about fiction writing and character development
Actions: slept in pretty late, had a late brunch; talked to my dad on the phone when he called; started the craft project with the kids; got some contractor work in while the kids went with Jeff to the library and again in the evening after dinner; finished reading the Plotkin book and spent some time reading a few de Lint stories (some of which are awful, and some are okay)
Connections: we're trying to take things easy and not get incredibly stressed out over the next few days; not much else to say about it
(Note: This post was finished the following morning and backdated. No daily tarot card, unfortunately.)
Moon: *waxing gibbous, gemini (air/mutable)
Earth: cold and cloudy most of the day, with snow flurries on and off
Thoughts: generally worn from yesterday's confrontations; scheduling with my dad regarding family holiday time and going to Long Wood Gardens over Christmas; talked to my dad about Emily's latest stuff and how rough it's been on Jeff and me emotionally to cope with worries of the kids being suspicious or distrusting of us because of her behavior; thinking about Pagan+Politics (which Jeff is signing up to write for, now) and the medium of blogging and dealing with commenters and trolls; talked a little bit with Jeff about fiction writing and character development
Actions: slept in pretty late, had a late brunch; talked to my dad on the phone when he called; started the craft project with the kids; got some contractor work in while the kids went with Jeff to the library and again in the evening after dinner; finished reading the Plotkin book and spent some time reading a few de Lint stories (some of which are awful, and some are okay)
Connections: we're trying to take things easy and not get incredibly stressed out over the next few days; not much else to say about it
(Note: This post was finished the following morning and backdated. No daily tarot card, unfortunately.)
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Daily Diary
Days of Note: DOTR Alban Arthuan ritual celebration, formal dedication as an aspirant with the Order
Sun: sagittarius (fire/mutable), 7:38am - 4:55pm
Moon: *waxing gibbous, taurus (earth/fixed)
Earth: very cold all day, though fairly sunny except a few scattered clouds
Thoughts: mostly my thoughts centered around Emily's latest issue (sitting the kids down to tell them Jeff and I are liars who were asking her to lie, and then calling Jeff on the phone to let him know) and how to deal with it, what to say to the kids and how it would play out over this weekend; also some focus on the DOTR ritual tonight taking place down in Georgia, and Bob's suggestion that I spend some time in meditation while the ritual was going on in order to connect with the energies and intentions raised to formally welcome me as an aspirant into the Order
Actions: several hours of contractor work today (at both the library and back home); swinging by the store to pick up some supplies that they didn't have at the other grocery store last night (for instance, cranberries for the garlands for the birds); wrote an email response to Emily and Jeremy after hearing from Jeff about this latest development; after I finished work for the day, Jeff and I sat down with each of the kids in turn and had conversations with them about what it was Emily told them and what they thought of the whole thing, giving them a chance to ask us questions and raise concerns; during dinner prep, took some time to check how the crafts turned out (still not as good as I was expecting and I can't figure out why); then conversation over dinner with the kids; spent time in meditation and divination during a ritual to connect with and honor DOTR's Mother Grove doing their Alban Arthuan ritual tonight and welcoming me and a few others as aspirants to the Order, plus a few people who've completed the Nine Lessons and become full members
Connections: an emotionally exhausting day, and I simply don't know what to think of our conversations with the kids about Emily's behavior; I think the three younger kids understood why we hadn't told them about our arguments with Emily before, and forgave us for our good intentions in trying to protect them from problems that weren't theirs to solve; Savanah - I don't know, she's becoming ever more the adolescent and has both a reticence and an edge to her that, combined, can really put a person on the defensive if they're not careful; she seemed to be both more demanding of us in terms of explanations, and quicker to try to justify Emily's behavior, though often it seemed simply for the sake of argument and not necessarily because she agreed with Emily; personally, I want to try to trust Savanah to be kind and considerate in her evaluations of Jeff and myself, and to try to see things from our perspective, but she certainly seems to be at that age when everything is a battle - of wits, or humor, or reason - and everything demands a quick, simple answer or she simply loses patience; so I'm left not knowing what her opinion is of the entire situation, or if she took it seriously at all (she seemed more interested in teasing the cat during our conversation and refused to sit up next to Jeff and I on the bed and talk to us face to face); I was joking about teens being hard - I didn't think I'd be getting the brunt of it; when did life become so difficult? being part of a divorced family is much rougher than I anticipated
Daily Tarot Card: The Six of Swords again, a card of difficult transitions and journeys, a weariness of the heart and soul that leaves us feeling drained and weak. We are borne across the troubled waters towards a new horizon and a fresh beginning, with a promise of new hopes and renewed energy. The process, the journey itself, may be one of joy and comfort in which we can take strength, readying for the new beginnings promised to us. Yet worries, anxieties and unhealthy thought patterns may linger and we may find ourselves repeating the same old tiresome patterns as before, and carrying the same burdens. Will we carry these troubles into the future with us? Or will we hold them loosely, gently, and willingly release them as we journey onwards, leaving our troubles behind us?
Sun: sagittarius (fire/mutable), 7:38am - 4:55pm
Moon: *waxing gibbous, taurus (earth/fixed)
Earth: very cold all day, though fairly sunny except a few scattered clouds
Thoughts: mostly my thoughts centered around Emily's latest issue (sitting the kids down to tell them Jeff and I are liars who were asking her to lie, and then calling Jeff on the phone to let him know) and how to deal with it, what to say to the kids and how it would play out over this weekend; also some focus on the DOTR ritual tonight taking place down in Georgia, and Bob's suggestion that I spend some time in meditation while the ritual was going on in order to connect with the energies and intentions raised to formally welcome me as an aspirant into the Order
Actions: several hours of contractor work today (at both the library and back home); swinging by the store to pick up some supplies that they didn't have at the other grocery store last night (for instance, cranberries for the garlands for the birds); wrote an email response to Emily and Jeremy after hearing from Jeff about this latest development; after I finished work for the day, Jeff and I sat down with each of the kids in turn and had conversations with them about what it was Emily told them and what they thought of the whole thing, giving them a chance to ask us questions and raise concerns; during dinner prep, took some time to check how the crafts turned out (still not as good as I was expecting and I can't figure out why); then conversation over dinner with the kids; spent time in meditation and divination during a ritual to connect with and honor DOTR's Mother Grove doing their Alban Arthuan ritual tonight and welcoming me and a few others as aspirants to the Order, plus a few people who've completed the Nine Lessons and become full members
Connections: an emotionally exhausting day, and I simply don't know what to think of our conversations with the kids about Emily's behavior; I think the three younger kids understood why we hadn't told them about our arguments with Emily before, and forgave us for our good intentions in trying to protect them from problems that weren't theirs to solve; Savanah - I don't know, she's becoming ever more the adolescent and has both a reticence and an edge to her that, combined, can really put a person on the defensive if they're not careful; she seemed to be both more demanding of us in terms of explanations, and quicker to try to justify Emily's behavior, though often it seemed simply for the sake of argument and not necessarily because she agreed with Emily; personally, I want to try to trust Savanah to be kind and considerate in her evaluations of Jeff and myself, and to try to see things from our perspective, but she certainly seems to be at that age when everything is a battle - of wits, or humor, or reason - and everything demands a quick, simple answer or she simply loses patience; so I'm left not knowing what her opinion is of the entire situation, or if she took it seriously at all (she seemed more interested in teasing the cat during our conversation and refused to sit up next to Jeff and I on the bed and talk to us face to face); I was joking about teens being hard - I didn't think I'd be getting the brunt of it; when did life become so difficult? being part of a divorced family is much rougher than I anticipated
Daily Tarot Card: The Six of Swords again, a card of difficult transitions and journeys, a weariness of the heart and soul that leaves us feeling drained and weak. We are borne across the troubled waters towards a new horizon and a fresh beginning, with a promise of new hopes and renewed energy. The process, the journey itself, may be one of joy and comfort in which we can take strength, readying for the new beginnings promised to us. Yet worries, anxieties and unhealthy thought patterns may linger and we may find ourselves repeating the same old tiresome patterns as before, and carrying the same burdens. Will we carry these troubles into the future with us? Or will we hold them loosely, gently, and willingly release them as we journey onwards, leaving our troubles behind us?
DOTR Lesson 2: Entering the Order as an Aspirant
Tonight during the Druid Order of the Three Realm Mother Grove's winter solstice ritual, I was officially welcomed into the Order as an aspirant working through the Nine Lessons with the intention of becoming a full Druid member after a year's time of study. Though the ritual took place down in Georgia where the Mother Grove is located, my mentor asked me to spend some time in silent Awen meditation between 7:30 and 8:00 pm, to connect with the ritual in my own way.
I also took this opportunity to complete the final section of Lesson Two, the "mini" three realms working. Reaching up to touch sky and down to touch earth, I brought them together through the flow of the sea to create a sacred space in which I infused my intention with energy and enchantment, naming my formal dedication to the work of the aspirant.
Before this, however, I spent some time acknowledging my gods, and in particular Brigid, by pouring some libations and reciting the Druid Prayer for Peace. After some time in meditation, I allowed myself to slip further into trance (though this was a little difficult because Jeff's voice drifted up from downstairs where he sat reading to the children before bed). Deeper in trance, I seemed to stand as part of a circle of shadowed, half-seen figures gathered around a central flame. It seemed to me these figures moved and turned with the gestures of solemn rite, and murmured prayers of awen and welcome. I could not see them well, but it seemed to me that this was the Druid Order of the Three Realms gathered together, some in body and some only in spirit, working together the rituals of the turning year. I asked that I may enter more fully into the Order as an aspirant member, and for a moment the figures seemed to come into sharper focus and full color, before the trance slipped too quickly away and I was spun back into ordinary consciousness. The experience was too fleeting to be sure of anything, but still, it had the feeling of a confirmation and welcoming to become a member of the group.
Following this brief meditation, as the end of the ritual was drawing near, I drew a divination reading using my tarot deck. Using a three-card spread, I asked three questions:
Having completed my divination reading, I then performed the "mini" Three Realms Working found at the end of Lesson Two, setting my intention to commitment to this work and follow the path towards becoming a full member of the Order in a year.
Some time this week or next, hopefully, I will have time to go for a walk in the woods to gather a stone for the final rite of Lesson Two and then move on to Lesson Three. Because of solstice, Christmas, family obligations and travel, and I am not sure how easy this will be. However, I'm hoping that perhaps while I am in Lancaster, I might be able to gather a stone from the local landscape where I was born, to connect to the energies of my family and my ancestors.
I also took this opportunity to complete the final section of Lesson Two, the "mini" three realms working. Reaching up to touch sky and down to touch earth, I brought them together through the flow of the sea to create a sacred space in which I infused my intention with energy and enchantment, naming my formal dedication to the work of the aspirant.
Before this, however, I spent some time acknowledging my gods, and in particular Brigid, by pouring some libations and reciting the Druid Prayer for Peace. After some time in meditation, I allowed myself to slip further into trance (though this was a little difficult because Jeff's voice drifted up from downstairs where he sat reading to the children before bed). Deeper in trance, I seemed to stand as part of a circle of shadowed, half-seen figures gathered around a central flame. It seemed to me these figures moved and turned with the gestures of solemn rite, and murmured prayers of awen and welcome. I could not see them well, but it seemed to me that this was the Druid Order of the Three Realms gathered together, some in body and some only in spirit, working together the rituals of the turning year. I asked that I may enter more fully into the Order as an aspirant member, and for a moment the figures seemed to come into sharper focus and full color, before the trance slipped too quickly away and I was spun back into ordinary consciousness. The experience was too fleeting to be sure of anything, but still, it had the feeling of a confirmation and welcoming to become a member of the group.
Following this brief meditation, as the end of the ritual was drawing near, I drew a divination reading using my tarot deck. Using a three-card spread, I asked three questions:
(a) What gift do I have to share with the Order?
(b)What gift does the Order offer to me?
(c) What sign will be my guide and help me along this path?
(a) Queen of Wands: A figure of poise and grace within skillful activity and commitment, the Queen of Wands brings dedication and enthusiasm to her work, as well as a self-confidence grounded in experience and sincerity. She can be an energizing presence for those around her as she follows her natural penchant for energetic involvement in the activities she finds engaging. This card suggests that it is my self-disciplined dedication and steady involvement in the Order that may be my most valuable gift, especially if it comes through the skills and talents that I am most passionate about and have worked hard to cultivate (for instance, my writing and poetry). My energy and enthusiasm for the work may engage others, stimulating them into renewed activity and engagement with the work as well.
(b) Four of Pentacles: This card is often interpreted as one of stagnation and immovability, especially when it comes to securing financial or material wealth. There is a suggestion with this card that things have become too stiff and unchanging, and that we may be clinging to "the way things are" in order to protect our material gains at the expense of openness, receptivity and generosity with others. The spirit of growth and exploration may be missing, as we lock down on our possessions and create a trap or cage of our own making with our covetous spirit. It is not exactly a card you might expect in a reading about gifts. This may mean two things. The first is that, perhaps, the Order itself is perhaps, even if only to a small extent, "locked in" to a particular way of doing things and has grown protective of this structure and approach to the detriment of new growth and experimentation. It may be that the gift the Order has to offer me is in the confrontation with this attitude, in which I may learn to navigate and negotiate with it to both my own benefit and the benefit of the Order itself. The second possibility is that this card is meant to present both stability and protectiveness, especially when it comes to community. The number four represents the stabilization and concretization of the active patterns of three into matter and form, and the pentacles especially is a card of earth, the material world and its manifestation. Thus, this card may indicate that what the Order offers me is a place of stability and structure that is protected by those who have cultivated it and feel deeply invested in it personally. It may offer a "concrete" real community that is close-knit and which gathers regularly to practice together in the physical world, something that is not necessarily true for the groups I've been involved with until now. I am not sure which of these interpretations will prove to be the correct one, or if there will be a mixture of the two that will provide both gift and challenge.
(c) Queen of Pentacles: Grounded in the strength and stability of the earth and the mighty oak tree, this Queen is one of creative energy and harmony that stretches out in all directions, connecting all creatures and beings of the world. Cheerful, though also often humble (from humus, "of the earth") and inwardly turned, she takes great pleasure and enjoyment in the beauties of the world, and shares these joys with others in ways that encourage involvement and growth. She provides a warm embrace for others that encourages them to be themselves, though in ways that express maturity and consideration for the greater world that we share with one another. This card seems to suggest to me that my "guiding sign" as I work through the Nine Lessons towards becoming a full member of DOTR will be a more open, mature, creative and joy-filled engagement with the physical world and the community I am now entering. Together with the Four of Pentacles, it suggests that perhaps this sign is meant to point the way, not necessarily indicate where I can expect to start out, and that there may be a journey ahead of me to move from the more possessiveness and stagnation of the Four of Pentacles, to the receptivity and creativity of the Queen of Pentacles. Because this card also appeared in my full moon ritual dedicated to Brigid of the Star Fire, and because the figure in this deck is depicted in a way that reminds me so much of Brigid, I also understand this card to mean that I should continue my devotions to Brigid and the Lady of the Stars group as an important part of my DOTR aspirant work.
Having completed my divination reading, I then performed the "mini" Three Realms Working found at the end of Lesson Two, setting my intention to commitment to this work and follow the path towards becoming a full member of the Order in a year.
Some time this week or next, hopefully, I will have time to go for a walk in the woods to gather a stone for the final rite of Lesson Two and then move on to Lesson Three. Because of solstice, Christmas, family obligations and travel, and I am not sure how easy this will be. However, I'm hoping that perhaps while I am in Lancaster, I might be able to gather a stone from the local landscape where I was born, to connect to the energies of my family and my ancestors.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Daily Diary
Sun: sagittarius (fire/mutable), 7:37am - 4:55pm
Moon: waxing gibbous, taurus (earth/fixed)
Earth: cold, in the low 20s all day, cloudy with some snow flurries in the evening
Thoughts: trolls on the blog bitching at me for posting the "long goodbye" series explaining why I'm deciding not to blog anymore, demanding why I'm "making such a big deal of it"; the nature of bias when it comes to science v. the humanities, math v. art, and the assumption of superiority in the methods of scientific quantification and measurement, as if this is the only way we can know anything; why is the winter holiday season so difficult this year? I really can't get into it at all, the house isn't decorated and I am hardly even looking forward to gift exchange when usually I absolutely love picking out presents and wrapping them up all wonderfully and all of that...
Actions: wrote up a to-do list to make it through today; dealt with trollish commenters by turning comments off on the blog; very brief walk in the woods after breakfast; prepped more card stock for one last attempt at the Christmas gift crafts; tweaked GIMP images for the crafts; sanded and drilled and prepared the kids chosen bits for their craft project this weekend; watched an episode of the Daily Show with Jeff over lunch about the disgusting behavior of Congress, which won't pass health care for 9/11 first responders; got in a good solid chunk of time doing contractor work (figured out a new system that I think will improve my efficiency a little bit); stopped by the bank; reserved our hotel room for during our stay in Lancaster; made a trip to the pet store for Cu's Solstice present; went to the grocery store to stock up on food for a week with the kids; wrapped a bunch of presents when we got home and finished up the craft projects (just have to let dry overnight, but I'm feeling good about this latest attempt)
Connections: Jeff says the planets and moon are doing some wonky shit right around the lunar eclipse on the solstice, forming a huge cross in the sky that, on the west coast, will be perfectly aligned to the horizon when the eclipse happens; I'm just feeling generally exhausted and not exactly up for five days of the kids, so I'm thinking I'll be escaping to the library or café at least a few times this week in order to get some work done and just relax a bit
Daily Tarot Card: The Ace of Cups again, and I am impatient for something new, as I don't know what this card might mean today - a gift, or a warning, or perhaps it is irrelevant? A card of new beginnings, the first ripple in the pond, the first overflowing of the wellspring of imagination, emotion, intuition and subconscious mind that may become a river seeking its way to the ocean. I draw again and pull the Six of Swords, a card of journey and transition as a new cycle begins. Borne by the swift passage to a new place, the problems of the world that have worried us seem small and less important, yet if we are not careful we may find that we carry them along with us, old thought patterns and stresses that will influence the new cycle that is beginning. Perhaps, instead, this card is an invitation to find comfort, peace and strength in the transition itself, the process of change and flux that can so often leave us exhausted, drained and weak. Can this journey give us a sense of release and renewal, if we let it?
Moon: waxing gibbous, taurus (earth/fixed)
Earth: cold, in the low 20s all day, cloudy with some snow flurries in the evening
Thoughts: trolls on the blog bitching at me for posting the "long goodbye" series explaining why I'm deciding not to blog anymore, demanding why I'm "making such a big deal of it"; the nature of bias when it comes to science v. the humanities, math v. art, and the assumption of superiority in the methods of scientific quantification and measurement, as if this is the only way we can know anything; why is the winter holiday season so difficult this year? I really can't get into it at all, the house isn't decorated and I am hardly even looking forward to gift exchange when usually I absolutely love picking out presents and wrapping them up all wonderfully and all of that...
Actions: wrote up a to-do list to make it through today; dealt with trollish commenters by turning comments off on the blog; very brief walk in the woods after breakfast; prepped more card stock for one last attempt at the Christmas gift crafts; tweaked GIMP images for the crafts; sanded and drilled and prepared the kids chosen bits for their craft project this weekend; watched an episode of the Daily Show with Jeff over lunch about the disgusting behavior of Congress, which won't pass health care for 9/11 first responders; got in a good solid chunk of time doing contractor work (figured out a new system that I think will improve my efficiency a little bit); stopped by the bank; reserved our hotel room for during our stay in Lancaster; made a trip to the pet store for Cu's Solstice present; went to the grocery store to stock up on food for a week with the kids; wrapped a bunch of presents when we got home and finished up the craft projects (just have to let dry overnight, but I'm feeling good about this latest attempt)
Connections: Jeff says the planets and moon are doing some wonky shit right around the lunar eclipse on the solstice, forming a huge cross in the sky that, on the west coast, will be perfectly aligned to the horizon when the eclipse happens; I'm just feeling generally exhausted and not exactly up for five days of the kids, so I'm thinking I'll be escaping to the library or café at least a few times this week in order to get some work done and just relax a bit
Daily Tarot Card: The Ace of Cups again, and I am impatient for something new, as I don't know what this card might mean today - a gift, or a warning, or perhaps it is irrelevant? A card of new beginnings, the first ripple in the pond, the first overflowing of the wellspring of imagination, emotion, intuition and subconscious mind that may become a river seeking its way to the ocean. I draw again and pull the Six of Swords, a card of journey and transition as a new cycle begins. Borne by the swift passage to a new place, the problems of the world that have worried us seem small and less important, yet if we are not careful we may find that we carry them along with us, old thought patterns and stresses that will influence the new cycle that is beginning. Perhaps, instead, this card is an invitation to find comfort, peace and strength in the transition itself, the process of change and flux that can so often leave us exhausted, drained and weak. Can this journey give us a sense of release and renewal, if we let it?
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Daily Diary
Days of Note: Flamekeeping
Sun: sagittarius (fire/mutable), 7:37am - 4:55pm
Moon: waxing gibbous, taurus (earth/fixed)
Earth: cold all day, mostly cloudy but no snowfall
Thoughts: had trouble sleeping last night, so spent some time thinking about some potential fiction writing stories (inspired by de Lint's book of short stories - it turns out he does improve as a storyteller after his first novel, or at least, in short story form he does); this morning spent some time discussing Emily'sexcuses apologies for her emails; discussed hormonal imbalances and psychosomatic symptoms, and whether or not we should be concerned about the kids if she's claiming she has that little control over her outbursts
Actions: still trying to get these damned craft projects to turn out right (slowly running out of both time and supplies - family might have to deal with crappy Christmas presents this year); got in a really good and satisfying chunk of time doing contractor work today, ran by Michael's, watched some episodes of Buffy in the evening with Jeff
Connections: still in denial about Christmas time and coping by trying to get these presents to turn out halfway decent; also, haven't been keeping up with the daily meditating now that I'm not doing it in conjunction with the diary keeping in the mornings anymore - this was the first flamekeeping shift was I was so completely distracted that I didn't have a chance to do any sort of meditation (but I did wear the flame all day, and I spent a good chunk of time in the middle of the night last night praying to Brigid and composing some chants to her, though now I don't really remember them); on the other hand, when I sat down with my computer and tarot deck to do my journaling tonight, I felt a kind of wash of happy I'm-so-glad-I'm-Pagan enjoyment in the prospect
Daily Tarot Card: The Seven of Cups is a card of dreams, fantasies and choices. While it may be easy to become ungrounded and loose perspective, lost in a dreamworld chasing unrealistic goals and selfish ambitions, the paradox of seven is that with limitless possibilities also comes the potential to deepen, to grow, to become more truly yourself. (My note: I draw this card again, on a day when I am sleep deprived and feeling ungrounded due to a restless night of dreams and imaginary conversations and arguments, not to mention our over-indulgence in television this evening, which is a kind of fantasy-world in itself. Perhaps this is reminding me to keep my "eye on the prize," so to speak, and pursue activities that I know will help me to cultivate my true, authentic self, even if I'm feeling tired or distracted. At the same time, I find myself not feeling as stressed out about this card as I was before when it kept coming up. I am feeling more connection to the man with the map, than to the wild-eyed woman reaching for the floating citadel. I think this means I've been making some progress in dealing with the energies, patterns and behaviors this card represents for me.)
Sun: sagittarius (fire/mutable), 7:37am - 4:55pm
Moon: waxing gibbous, taurus (earth/fixed)
Earth: cold all day, mostly cloudy but no snowfall
Thoughts: had trouble sleeping last night, so spent some time thinking about some potential fiction writing stories (inspired by de Lint's book of short stories - it turns out he does improve as a storyteller after his first novel, or at least, in short story form he does); this morning spent some time discussing Emily's
Actions: still trying to get these damned craft projects to turn out right (slowly running out of both time and supplies - family might have to deal with crappy Christmas presents this year); got in a really good and satisfying chunk of time doing contractor work today, ran by Michael's, watched some episodes of Buffy in the evening with Jeff
Connections: still in denial about Christmas time and coping by trying to get these presents to turn out halfway decent; also, haven't been keeping up with the daily meditating now that I'm not doing it in conjunction with the diary keeping in the mornings anymore - this was the first flamekeeping shift was I was so completely distracted that I didn't have a chance to do any sort of meditation (but I did wear the flame all day, and I spent a good chunk of time in the middle of the night last night praying to Brigid and composing some chants to her, though now I don't really remember them); on the other hand, when I sat down with my computer and tarot deck to do my journaling tonight, I felt a kind of wash of happy I'm-so-glad-I'm-Pagan enjoyment in the prospect
Daily Tarot Card: The Seven of Cups is a card of dreams, fantasies and choices. While it may be easy to become ungrounded and loose perspective, lost in a dreamworld chasing unrealistic goals and selfish ambitions, the paradox of seven is that with limitless possibilities also comes the potential to deepen, to grow, to become more truly yourself. (My note: I draw this card again, on a day when I am sleep deprived and feeling ungrounded due to a restless night of dreams and imaginary conversations and arguments, not to mention our over-indulgence in television this evening, which is a kind of fantasy-world in itself. Perhaps this is reminding me to keep my "eye on the prize," so to speak, and pursue activities that I know will help me to cultivate my true, authentic self, even if I'm feeling tired or distracted. At the same time, I find myself not feeling as stressed out about this card as I was before when it kept coming up. I am feeling more connection to the man with the map, than to the wild-eyed woman reaching for the floating citadel. I think this means I've been making some progress in dealing with the energies, patterns and behaviors this card represents for me.)
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Daily Diary
Days of Note: Flamekeeping (begins at sundown)
Sun: sagittarius (fire/mutable), 7:36am - 4:54pm
Moon: waxing gibbous, aries (fire/cardinal)
Earth: very cold and snowy all day, though with bright sunlight breaking through occasionally
Thoughts: this morning spent some time thinking about public education and religion in the public sphere, as well as the nature of the religion of the State, the religion of capitalist consumerism and whether the "mythology of the market" aligns with the "moralist therapeutic deism" that the article Jeff read yesterday describes as the predominant description of religion for young people today; spent much of the second half of the day worrying about Emily and her recent bout of rudeness, disrespect and "crazy-making" through her emails, this time going off about how Jeff and I are "liars" who have been telling lies both to her and the children - though what exactly these lies consist of seems unclear, since every time she brings one up and we clarify what actually happened (backed up by email exchanges preserved in the Infinite Gmail Archive of Doom), it turns out that she was just factually wrong or working on very poorly, irrationally drawn conclusions; most of her accusations center around two things: whether or not we "left early" from Josh's birthday party more than a year ago, and whether or not we're being honest with the kids about why she and Jeremy are not invited to our wedding.... apparently, our inability to behave well at parties means we must be lying to her about our finances, though I'm not sure how she makes this leap
Actions: spent some of the day finishing the Christmas gift crafts for my family and preparing the craft supplies for the kids project this coming weekend (though why I should help the kids make gifts for their mom when she's been so rude and disrespectful to me, I don't know - I'm just that kind of person, I guess); spent a little bit of time on contractor work; spent far too much of my day composing angry emails to Emily, talking with Jeff about her baseless accusations and trying to figure out what to do and how I can help him and be supportive without feeding her irrational hatred of me; this evening, Jeff and I spent some time in meditation followed by some divination to seek clarity on the situation; my flamekeeping shift started at sundown and I had intended to do some meditative and possible trance work, but obviously was distracted (so... count that as not-an-action for today)
Connections: I realize that my anal retentive tendency to keep track of my schedule and save all emails really does pay off, when it means I can look back through my records to provide evidence for what was or was not done or said when dealing with someone who has a tendency to (willfully, perhaps) misremember the past; another reason this diary is also a good idea - a public record of my daily thoughts and deeds may come in handy if future accusations of dishonesty or duplicity arise; after all, it's hard to lie in such detail and consistency on a daily basis
Daily Tarot Card: The Hanged Man (XII) A card of willing self-sacrifice and surrender, as well as a card of emotional release. The Hanged Man relinquishes his control in order to gain wisdom and insight into the nature of being. He surrenders to the greater patterns that govern the world and accepts what is beyond his control, yet his surrender itself is an act of discipline and choice, arising from the only thing over which he does have control: his own actions and choices. This act of self-surrender brings about a shift in perspective, flipping the world on its head and revealing mysteries that once were hidden or incomprehensible.
(My note: Although I did refrain from sending the full-length letter (referenced in the previous divination post) to Emily - I do feel that the act of writing it was, to a certain extent, an emotional release as well as a relinquishing of control. It reminded me once again that, whatever other crazy-messy things are going on in the world, I do have control over one thing at least: my ability to choose, to give of myself willingly and to enter into the patterns of the world with my whole being. This is an important lesson to remember as I approach a marriage to a man who has a far from simple family situation. I do not have control over this, and it is going to be (and has been) difficult for me to keep this in mind and reign in my temper in response to my fears of being held in obligation to another. As I prayed to Brigid during my meditation earlier: I embrace the attending and self-sacrifice that She asks of me, in the service of the peace, beauty, freedom, justice and love that are Her gifts. But I do not want to surrender my will to the caprice of another human being who has only selfish intentions at heart. This distinction is difficult to make sometimes, so I ask my goddess's help in recognizing when to act, and when to let go.)
Sun: sagittarius (fire/mutable), 7:36am - 4:54pm
Moon: waxing gibbous, aries (fire/cardinal)
Earth: very cold and snowy all day, though with bright sunlight breaking through occasionally
Thoughts: this morning spent some time thinking about public education and religion in the public sphere, as well as the nature of the religion of the State, the religion of capitalist consumerism and whether the "mythology of the market" aligns with the "moralist therapeutic deism" that the article Jeff read yesterday describes as the predominant description of religion for young people today; spent much of the second half of the day worrying about Emily and her recent bout of rudeness, disrespect and "crazy-making" through her emails, this time going off about how Jeff and I are "liars" who have been telling lies both to her and the children - though what exactly these lies consist of seems unclear, since every time she brings one up and we clarify what actually happened (backed up by email exchanges preserved in the Infinite Gmail Archive of Doom), it turns out that she was just factually wrong or working on very poorly, irrationally drawn conclusions; most of her accusations center around two things: whether or not we "left early" from Josh's birthday party more than a year ago, and whether or not we're being honest with the kids about why she and Jeremy are not invited to our wedding.... apparently, our inability to behave well at parties means we must be lying to her about our finances, though I'm not sure how she makes this leap
Actions: spent some of the day finishing the Christmas gift crafts for my family and preparing the craft supplies for the kids project this coming weekend (though why I should help the kids make gifts for their mom when she's been so rude and disrespectful to me, I don't know - I'm just that kind of person, I guess); spent a little bit of time on contractor work; spent far too much of my day composing angry emails to Emily, talking with Jeff about her baseless accusations and trying to figure out what to do and how I can help him and be supportive without feeding her irrational hatred of me; this evening, Jeff and I spent some time in meditation followed by some divination to seek clarity on the situation; my flamekeeping shift started at sundown and I had intended to do some meditative and possible trance work, but obviously was distracted (so... count that as not-an-action for today)
Connections: I realize that my anal retentive tendency to keep track of my schedule and save all emails really does pay off, when it means I can look back through my records to provide evidence for what was or was not done or said when dealing with someone who has a tendency to (willfully, perhaps) misremember the past; another reason this diary is also a good idea - a public record of my daily thoughts and deeds may come in handy if future accusations of dishonesty or duplicity arise; after all, it's hard to lie in such detail and consistency on a daily basis
Daily Tarot Card: The Hanged Man (XII) A card of willing self-sacrifice and surrender, as well as a card of emotional release. The Hanged Man relinquishes his control in order to gain wisdom and insight into the nature of being. He surrenders to the greater patterns that govern the world and accepts what is beyond his control, yet his surrender itself is an act of discipline and choice, arising from the only thing over which he does have control: his own actions and choices. This act of self-surrender brings about a shift in perspective, flipping the world on its head and revealing mysteries that once were hidden or incomprehensible.
(My note: Although I did refrain from sending the full-length letter (referenced in the previous divination post) to Emily - I do feel that the act of writing it was, to a certain extent, an emotional release as well as a relinquishing of control. It reminded me once again that, whatever other crazy-messy things are going on in the world, I do have control over one thing at least: my ability to choose, to give of myself willingly and to enter into the patterns of the world with my whole being. This is an important lesson to remember as I approach a marriage to a man who has a far from simple family situation. I do not have control over this, and it is going to be (and has been) difficult for me to keep this in mind and reign in my temper in response to my fears of being held in obligation to another. As I prayed to Brigid during my meditation earlier: I embrace the attending and self-sacrifice that She asks of me, in the service of the peace, beauty, freedom, justice and love that are Her gifts. But I do not want to surrender my will to the caprice of another human being who has only selfish intentions at heart. This distinction is difficult to make sometimes, so I ask my goddess's help in recognizing when to act, and when to let go.)
Divination on Family Conflict
Brigid, I seek your guidance on this matter of great importance to Jeff and myself and the children we love so deeply.
I center myself in my love and my attending.
I ground myself in your guiding light.
I center myself in my strength and freedom.
I ground myself in your support and protection.
I center myself in my confidence and intelligence.
I ground myself in your deep wisdom and insight.
I drink of your waters,
I follow your star,
I nurture your flame
of peace in my heart.
What are the consequences of the three choices before us?
(a) To send the letter I have composed. (c) To send a simplified version of the letter. (b) To send no reply.
(d) What alternative option have we not yet considered?
I center myself in my love and my attending.
I ground myself in your guiding light.
I center myself in my strength and freedom.
I ground myself in your support and protection.
I center myself in my confidence and intelligence.
I ground myself in your deep wisdom and insight.
I drink of your waters,
I follow your star,
I nurture your flame
of peace in my heart.
What are the consequences of the three choices before us?
(a) The Hanged Man (XII): A card of willing self-sacrifice and surrender, as well as a card of emotional release. The Hanged Man relinquishes his control in order to gain wisdom and insight into the nature of being. He surrenders to the greater patterns that govern the world and accepts what is beyond his control, yet his surrender itself is an act of discipline and choice, arising from the only thing over which he does have control: his own actions and choices. This act of self-surrender brings about a shift in perspective, flipping the world on its head and revealing mysteries that once were hidden or incomprehensible.
(b) Two of Wands: A card of tension held poised on the brink of action, a card in which personal power and authority may lead to isolation, and concrete action may not lead to the happiness or success that is desired. This card seems to be one of constant vigilance and watchfulness, caught between the possibilities of success and failure and ever on the edge of action. This card may indicate a time to be bold, courageous and inventive, but also warns against allowing this power and influence to cloud right judgement.
(c) Death: A card of transformation, the rebirth inspired and ignited by the death of the old. It is a card of change, the death of the old to make way for the new being born - and such change may be frightening, or it may be a moment of joy. More likely, it will involve a dance of grief and sorrow with elation and praise. This card encourages us to give up those old patterns, behaviors and relationships that impede, hinder or restrict us, as well as to take off the masks that we usually hide behind in order to protect ourselves. When faced with the real presence of death, we are naked and vulnerable before the darkness and uncertainty of the future. Yet facing this uncertainty as an opportunity for growth and renewal, rather than clinging to a past that has become too small for us, is our best way through the difficulties and fears of this moment.
(d) What alternative option have we not yet considered?
(d) King of Pentacles: The King of Pentacles understands, deep in his very bones, the relationship between stability, prosperity and generosity. He is a figure of growth and physical well-being, balancing the yang aspects of power and action with the yin aspects of fecundity and self-giving. He holds within himself both the fruit and the seed, and nurtures these with practicality and rootedness in reality, while also retaining his kindness and humanity and his concern for others. He enjoys all that life and the earth have to offer, and seeks to share these joys with those around him. He is both reliable and wise, with many talents and aspirations, earning him good fortune and expressing themselves in the gifts he has to share.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Brigid, Lady of the Stars: The Astrology of Me
Sun Sign (influences one's self-perception and sense of selfhood)
Moon Sign (influences one's subconscious and emotional center)
Ascendant (influences first impressions and indicates a starting point)
- Gemini (air/mutable) — The sign of the twins, Gemini sun signs tend to be quick, changeable, mercurial in nature. Their curiosity is powerful, and they often seek out those who will stimulate them intellectually while also being able to keep up with their quick wit and sense of the absurd. Because of their ability to detach from themselves and see both sides of the situation, they can often be quite objective in their analysis of a situation. Gemini sun signs tend to be communicative and bright, enjoying the companionship that arises from good conversation and lively debate.
- Sun in the Ninth House — The basic drive when the sun is in the ninth house is for understanding and self-expansion, which can express itself in a concern for global or world affairs, a love of travel, an interest in higher education, and a desire to study religion, philosophy and mysticism.
Moon Sign (influences one's subconscious and emotional center)
- Libra (air/cardinal) — The light, airy quality of a Libran Moon can be refreshing and enjoyable. Libran Moons place a strong value on relationship and partnership, and also carry with them a deep sense of fairness, balance and justice. They also possess an artistic side and high aesthetic standards.
- Moon in the Twelfth House — Moon in the twelfth house indicates a private person with a love of introspection and a compassionate, charitable side, yet someone who sometimes requires withdrawal or retreat from the busyness of the world in order to refresh.
Ascendant (influences first impressions and indicates a starting point)
- Libra (air/cardinal) — Libra Rising gives a first impression of being a natural "people person," someone who is nice, pleasant, fair-minded, charming and well-liked. Aesthetics plays an important role, as does a heightened sensitivity to the arts and music, and this may express itself also in seeking a sense of harmony rather than discord, and civility and respect rather than vulgarity or rudeness.
- Saturn Conjunct Ascendant — Conservative and self-disciplined, someone with Saturn conjunct their ascendant is likely to be reserved and cautious, perhaps due to anxieties about their self-worth (especially earlier in life). The seriousness and maturity of Saturn shines through even at an early age, despite lingering self-doubts, and with deepening maturity may bring a sense of agelessness that has the authority of truth and wisdom behind it.
- Pluto Conjunct Ascendant — Pluto conjunct the Ascendant tends to express itself through a powerful, insightful and intense personality, deeply private and reserved in some ways while also able to grasp some of the deeper secrets of others. The intensity of this conjunction indicates a person willing to go all-out (or all-in) in their commitments and endeavors.
Daily Diary
Days of Note: First Quarter Moon
Sun: sagittarius (fire/mutable), 7:35am - 4:54pm
Moon: first quarter, pisces (water/mutable)
Earth: snow all day, very windy and very cold, down in the teens
Thoughts: minor freak out about crappy computer software earlier today; otherwise, focused mostly on trying to get these craft projects done and feeling generally kinda worn out for no discernible reason; last night, had a scary dream involving zombies, in which Freddy showed up as a zombie but trying to help
Actions: spent all day on craft projects for Christmas gifts, and I'm afraid they're not going to turn out as nice as I was hoping (though they may!); Cu had a vet visit this morning, where he did very well; dinner with Arthur this evening to thank him for the furniture and just hang out some, so that was nice
Connections: just having one of those days when I feel like I really need to cut myself some slack and rest, but I can't because there are just too many things I'm trying to get done; feeling on edge and worn down and tired of the "rat race" of constantly trying to keep up with obligations (this leads me to think that if I'm going to do handmade wedding favors, I'm going to start soon and spread them over the next half a year so I'm not having unnecessary freak-outs closer to the day itself); still not feeling the Yuletide spirit; maybe my brain has gotten dumber due to stress?
Daily Tarot Card: The Three of Cups depicts a joyful celebration among friends, an enjoyment of pleasant feelings and good company. Being a resolution of some of the tensions that had previously been present, it symbolizes a step forward on the right path and the first taste of success and the fruits of your work, even if the reward is for now an emotional one rather than a material one. Like most three cards, the Three of Cups is a card of progress, but it also indicates a time to savor the good times while they're here and share them with a happy and supportive community.
Sun: sagittarius (fire/mutable), 7:35am - 4:54pm
Moon: first quarter, pisces (water/mutable)
Earth: snow all day, very windy and very cold, down in the teens
Thoughts: minor freak out about crappy computer software earlier today; otherwise, focused mostly on trying to get these craft projects done and feeling generally kinda worn out for no discernible reason; last night, had a scary dream involving zombies, in which Freddy showed up as a zombie but trying to help
Actions: spent all day on craft projects for Christmas gifts, and I'm afraid they're not going to turn out as nice as I was hoping (though they may!); Cu had a vet visit this morning, where he did very well; dinner with Arthur this evening to thank him for the furniture and just hang out some, so that was nice
Connections: just having one of those days when I feel like I really need to cut myself some slack and rest, but I can't because there are just too many things I'm trying to get done; feeling on edge and worn down and tired of the "rat race" of constantly trying to keep up with obligations (this leads me to think that if I'm going to do handmade wedding favors, I'm going to start soon and spread them over the next half a year so I'm not having unnecessary freak-outs closer to the day itself); still not feeling the Yuletide spirit; maybe my brain has gotten dumber due to stress?
Daily Tarot Card: The Three of Cups depicts a joyful celebration among friends, an enjoyment of pleasant feelings and good company. Being a resolution of some of the tensions that had previously been present, it symbolizes a step forward on the right path and the first taste of success and the fruits of your work, even if the reward is for now an emotional one rather than a material one. Like most three cards, the Three of Cups is a card of progress, but it also indicates a time to savor the good times while they're here and share them with a happy and supportive community.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Meditations on Brigid: Goddess of Smithcraft
Like last night's meditation on Brigid as Fire-within-Water, tonight's meditation on Brigid of Smithcraft is, for all intents and purposes, a no-go after an exhausting day. It is becoming increasingly obvious just how much Jeff's kids wear me out, and I may have to consider going back to "escaping" on Saturday mornings just to keep my sanity. In any case, as luck would have it, one of my favorite bloggers happened to post on just this theme today. It seems so perfectly appropriate that I have to wonder if one of the writers of this group blog isn't, in fact, a member of the Lady of the Stars group working through the same rotation of meditation themes as I am. But I'm more than willing to accept this happy coincidence, and share a beautiful quote from White Cat Grove's post, "Lady of the Forge" in lieu of my own meditation for the night:
The Smith is the lady of sheer, hard work. There’s nothing glamorous about it and everything of value in it. The hammer-blows tap out the rhythm of inescapable time. Life is work, time, effort.
We prefer to honor her as the lilt of words, the lure of music, the balm of the healing well, the hearth-fire and its comforts. Mercy, generosity with the ever-giving milk cow, the pale hand that feeds the poor — Brighid as Lady Liberty, welcoming the huddled masses yearning to breathe free, the Lady of the welcoming flame.
Let us remember her too at the moon’s darkness: the coal and its steady, unglamorous burn, the sweat on the brow, the midwife of metal, the shaper of life through effort and boredom and pain.
Daily Diary
Sun: sagittarius (fire/mutable), 7:34am - 4:54pm
Moon: first quarter, pisces (water/mutable)
Earth: rain all day and somewhat milder than it's been, but turning cold tonight with the wind blowing in snow for a storm
Thoughts: Savanah's review lesson today and how to improve our work with her and help her with the assignments she seems to be having trouble with; why the kids are so whiney and why it's Emily's fault (and why I tend to blame Emily, because it's so easy to pass the buck!); why I can't seem to get into the holly-jolly yuletide spirit this year, and worrying a little bit about present shopping (since I kinda haven't really started, even for Jeff)
Actions: finished the craft project I started yesterday (it turned out well, Jeff really likes it); spent over an hour with Jeff and Savanah working on her review lesson, talking about her previous work so far and teaching her a bit about divination; took the kids to the library; had them pick out their potential ornament designs for next weekend's gift craft project; skipped yoga and meditation today (naughty!); ordered Jeff's gifts, at least one of which will be a surprise for him (so, I lied, I did start my shopping - I just feel like I haven't gotten very far)
Connections: I'm always so doubtful of this journaling process, I started out thinking this was a great way to keep myself motivated and organized and see how much I was accomplishing from day to day; now I'm wondering if keeping a record like this is wearing me out and taking some of the spontaneity out of things; I'm not sure when everything became an obligation, but I do feel as though I rarely have a day when I don't have to worry about something, there's always some new project looming, some new goal for cleaning or organizing the house, some new wedding thing to think about or new event to plan for or new project to finish; I'm wondering if I'll ever reach a point when I can have a week or two of boringness and dull repetition - just do contractor work for a certain number of hours, and then the rest of the week is yours to relax and, I don't know, read a good book... that'd be nice
Daily Tarot Card: The Ace of Cups is a card of gladness, good luck and emotional and intuitional fulfillment. A card of beginnings and potential, it symbolizes our connection with our unconscious, our inner selves, and the first stirrings of insight that we feel as we allow our minds to daydream and wander into the depths. (My note: Or maybe it's just saying I need to drink more water. I don't know. I'm tired.)
Moon: first quarter, pisces (water/mutable)
Earth: rain all day and somewhat milder than it's been, but turning cold tonight with the wind blowing in snow for a storm
Thoughts: Savanah's review lesson today and how to improve our work with her and help her with the assignments she seems to be having trouble with; why the kids are so whiney and why it's Emily's fault (and why I tend to blame Emily, because it's so easy to pass the buck!); why I can't seem to get into the holly-jolly yuletide spirit this year, and worrying a little bit about present shopping (since I kinda haven't really started, even for Jeff)
Actions: finished the craft project I started yesterday (it turned out well, Jeff really likes it); spent over an hour with Jeff and Savanah working on her review lesson, talking about her previous work so far and teaching her a bit about divination; took the kids to the library; had them pick out their potential ornament designs for next weekend's gift craft project; skipped yoga and meditation today (naughty!); ordered Jeff's gifts, at least one of which will be a surprise for him (so, I lied, I did start my shopping - I just feel like I haven't gotten very far)
Connections: I'm always so doubtful of this journaling process, I started out thinking this was a great way to keep myself motivated and organized and see how much I was accomplishing from day to day; now I'm wondering if keeping a record like this is wearing me out and taking some of the spontaneity out of things; I'm not sure when everything became an obligation, but I do feel as though I rarely have a day when I don't have to worry about something, there's always some new project looming, some new goal for cleaning or organizing the house, some new wedding thing to think about or new event to plan for or new project to finish; I'm wondering if I'll ever reach a point when I can have a week or two of boringness and dull repetition - just do contractor work for a certain number of hours, and then the rest of the week is yours to relax and, I don't know, read a good book... that'd be nice
Daily Tarot Card: The Ace of Cups is a card of gladness, good luck and emotional and intuitional fulfillment. A card of beginnings and potential, it symbolizes our connection with our unconscious, our inner selves, and the first stirrings of insight that we feel as we allow our minds to daydream and wander into the depths. (My note: Or maybe it's just saying I need to drink more water. I don't know. I'm tired.)
Savanah's Year: Calas of Earth, Week 3 & Review
I didn't have a chance to write up any notes on last week's lesson, perhaps mostly because Jeff took the lead in doing most of the talking and discussion-prompting. As our last week of lessons for Calas of Earth, we focused on our houses and homes as living spaces that help to shape us and manifest our relationship with the land around us, as use the materials of the physical world to craft shelters that give us safety of both the physical and the spiritual kind. Jeff talked a bit about his friend, Slade, who has experience building relationships with house spirits. We asked Savanah to pay attention to the different spaces she's in throughout the week and ask herself questions about how they make her feel, and why. What kinds of spaces does she enjoy being in and that make her feel comfortable or welcome, and what kinds of spaces make her feel uncomfortable or anxious.
As has become the pattern, Savanah didn't complete these assignments or answer the questions in any depth. In the past, I think she's either forgotten or couldn't think of any answers; this past week, she says she was so busy doing all sorts of craft projects in preparation for Christmas coming that she didn't have any time to look over the questions until Friday - at which point she realized she hadn't been paying attention to the spaces she was in all week.
This week's lesson was a review session where we spent almost the entire time teaching her how to use her Tarot deck the "official" way (instead of just flipping through and picking out cards, as we've had her doing before). But first, we went over some of her previous assignments, since she did remember to bring her Druid journal with her. Jeff read out loud her long description of her twelve (now fourteen) plants in her room, each described with care and a detailed history of its growth and health, and most of them concluding that they "needed more love and attention." Some of her descriptions of the plants were very detailed and well-written, which suggests she definitely has the talent and skill, if only she could find the interest. We also spent some time looking over the four elements correspondence exercises we gave her the week before last, which involved her brainstorming different images, objects, animals, plants and landscapes to match each of the four classic elements of earth, air, fire and water. She did an excellent job with those exercises (and was able to do drawings of six of the seven - the four classic elements plus gwyar and nwyfre - instead of the story-writing exercise, although she forgot the drawings at her mom's house).
We used these exercises to transition to talking about the tarot cards. First, we had her pick a card at random - she drew the Ace of Pentacles - and then Jeff and I each pulled that card from our respective decks laid them in a row to compare the imagery and talk about common themes. Then, we looked at the first elemental exercise - choosing the tarot card that she thought best represented each element and then listing what aspects of the card connected to that element for her - and we went through each of the four cards she'd chosen doing the same thing. This proved really interesting, since Jeff uses a Buddha Tarot deck that is very different from what I'm used to. My deck, in many ways, has a more traditional use of imagery and symbolism than either Jeff's or Savanah's, so we were able to make effective comparisons across a pretty broad spectrum. The cards Savanah chose were: Strength for earth, Judgement for air, the Ten of Wands for fire, and the Star for water.
One thing that I did notice quite a bit during these discussions was that Savanah has real difficulty sitting quietly and listening for any length of time - she is fond of interrupting, sometimes with clearly tangential or miscellaneous observations. My impression is that she does this in order to be funny, but it becomes quite disruptive when Jeff or I are trying to explain an idea in depth or answer one of her own questions in a way that requires some complexity and subtlety. And yet, when asked questions directly, she often seems very hesitant to provide answers or probe more in-depth beyond an initial response. This, to me, seems like it might be a defense mechanism for when she doesn't know for sure or is afraid of being wrong. I'm not sure how to encourage her to calm down and reach a place where she is receptive to the kinds of connections and insights that deeper analysis and self-awareness require. This is definitely a challenge, and one that I think Jeff and I are still trying to figure out how to handle. Perhaps we are expecting too much from her - but I'm honestly not sure. I do know that not all kids develop at the same rate, so we're doing our best to tailor the lessons to her skills and interests as a way of leading her more deeply into areas that might not be as familiar to her. But gods, is it tough sometimes. (This is one of those times when I wish we were on better terms with her mother, because then we might be able to ask her if she's had similar experience with the homeschooling, or how she approaches this challenge. Perhaps if Savanah does eventually end up going to school, we'll be able to consult with teachers? Maybe I should ask my aunt Pat. I think she has experience with kids around Savanah's age.)
We then moved on to actual readings. Since we were having Savanah use the cards to answer three questions, Jeff and I each demonstrated by asking one question and using our decks to answer. Each of us has a slightly different way of shuffling and choosing our cards, so we also explained the differences and the reasons behind our choices. Afterwards, we had Savanah do her reading - she chose to shuffle the deck between each question, and tended to use her dad's way of picking the cards (which is to move slowly through the deck, cards face down, until one seems to "jump out" as the right one to pick).
For the first question, "What message does the land have for me?" she drew the Five of Swords. The interpretation of this card in her book was about a conflict or disagreement, along with the suggestion that perhaps careful thought and reasoning, attempting to see things from many different sides, might help in finding a solution. During our discussion about this card, we asked her how this card might reflect her relationship with the land around her, and what she thought the message might be. She mentioned how she very much wants to have her own plot in the garden at her mother's house, but Emily and Jeremy told her no, because if she's gone on vacation then there will be no one to take care of it and the plants would die. Savanah explained to me that this was not a satisfying reason, since she's never gone for more than a week at a time, and most of the work necessary for the garden wouldn't be more often than once a week after the initial planting period. She also said she could ask (or "hire") her brother to take care of her plot while she was away in the summer. When I asked her if she'd brought up these issues with her mom as a way of trying to reach a compromise through sharing her reasons and suggestions, Savanah said that it didn't matter because the truth was that Emily and Jeremy just don't want her to do it, so they would keep inventing reasons and, once exhausted, simply end with, "Because I said so." This seemed like an amazingly accurate insight to Jeff and me, as we'd just been talking about that exact issue with Emily the night before. So again, I'm not sure what message is meant for Savanah, but part of what arose from the conversation is the very obvious conflict between her desire for more independence, and her mom and step-dad's refusal to compromise or allow her that opportunity.
For the second question, "What message does my physical body have for me?" Savanah drew the Eight of Swords. By this time, Jeff had left to go start lunch (this was quite a long session), so Savanah and I talked about what the card might mean. In the book that accompanied her deck, this card was described as a situation in which she might feel restricted or helpless, but help and hope were closer than she may realize, if she could take a deep breath, relax and look at the broader situation. For a while we talked about what this might mean as a message from her body - perhaps he body was asking her to calm down a bit and relax more, allow herself to get adequate sleep and rest. For a while she seemed unsure and didn't think the card meant anything. Then she said something occurred to her that it might mean, but she didn't want to share it with me.
For the third question, "What message does my living space have for me?" she chose to focus on her mother's house and in particular her room (which she shares with her brother). The card she drew for this was the Ten of Pentacles, which is a very good card indicating hard work and cooperation resulting in a good harvest and a happy home. I asked her if she thought this was a relevant card for her room at her mom's. Although she seemed somewhat receptive, she did bring up the fact that she very much wants her own room because it's often impossible to get any alone time in the house and she's not allowed to lock the door. She said she wished either she or Josh could move into the guest room that nobody uses, so that she could have some space that was just her own. I'm honestly not sure if this is an option her mom is willing to entertain, considering apparently she's planning on having more kids as soon as possible.
By this time, we'd pretty much wrapped up the session, with no assignments over the course of this coming week. Next weekend we begin her lessons in Gwyar of Earth. Jeff and I are planning to begin each lesson with some time in silent "meditation," gazing at the candle flame and breathing gently for a little while. We're slowly transitioning - from simply lighting the candle at the beginning of each lesson, to this, to actual meditation that we'll be teaching her the basics of next month, during Nwyfre of Earth. Hopefully next week she'll also remember to bring her drawings for the elements, and perhaps complete the last drawing for calas.
As has become the pattern, Savanah didn't complete these assignments or answer the questions in any depth. In the past, I think she's either forgotten or couldn't think of any answers; this past week, she says she was so busy doing all sorts of craft projects in preparation for Christmas coming that she didn't have any time to look over the questions until Friday - at which point she realized she hadn't been paying attention to the spaces she was in all week.
This week's lesson was a review session where we spent almost the entire time teaching her how to use her Tarot deck the "official" way (instead of just flipping through and picking out cards, as we've had her doing before). But first, we went over some of her previous assignments, since she did remember to bring her Druid journal with her. Jeff read out loud her long description of her twelve (now fourteen) plants in her room, each described with care and a detailed history of its growth and health, and most of them concluding that they "needed more love and attention." Some of her descriptions of the plants were very detailed and well-written, which suggests she definitely has the talent and skill, if only she could find the interest. We also spent some time looking over the four elements correspondence exercises we gave her the week before last, which involved her brainstorming different images, objects, animals, plants and landscapes to match each of the four classic elements of earth, air, fire and water. She did an excellent job with those exercises (and was able to do drawings of six of the seven - the four classic elements plus gwyar and nwyfre - instead of the story-writing exercise, although she forgot the drawings at her mom's house).
We used these exercises to transition to talking about the tarot cards. First, we had her pick a card at random - she drew the Ace of Pentacles - and then Jeff and I each pulled that card from our respective decks laid them in a row to compare the imagery and talk about common themes. Then, we looked at the first elemental exercise - choosing the tarot card that she thought best represented each element and then listing what aspects of the card connected to that element for her - and we went through each of the four cards she'd chosen doing the same thing. This proved really interesting, since Jeff uses a Buddha Tarot deck that is very different from what I'm used to. My deck, in many ways, has a more traditional use of imagery and symbolism than either Jeff's or Savanah's, so we were able to make effective comparisons across a pretty broad spectrum. The cards Savanah chose were: Strength for earth, Judgement for air, the Ten of Wands for fire, and the Star for water.
One thing that I did notice quite a bit during these discussions was that Savanah has real difficulty sitting quietly and listening for any length of time - she is fond of interrupting, sometimes with clearly tangential or miscellaneous observations. My impression is that she does this in order to be funny, but it becomes quite disruptive when Jeff or I are trying to explain an idea in depth or answer one of her own questions in a way that requires some complexity and subtlety. And yet, when asked questions directly, she often seems very hesitant to provide answers or probe more in-depth beyond an initial response. This, to me, seems like it might be a defense mechanism for when she doesn't know for sure or is afraid of being wrong. I'm not sure how to encourage her to calm down and reach a place where she is receptive to the kinds of connections and insights that deeper analysis and self-awareness require. This is definitely a challenge, and one that I think Jeff and I are still trying to figure out how to handle. Perhaps we are expecting too much from her - but I'm honestly not sure. I do know that not all kids develop at the same rate, so we're doing our best to tailor the lessons to her skills and interests as a way of leading her more deeply into areas that might not be as familiar to her. But gods, is it tough sometimes. (This is one of those times when I wish we were on better terms with her mother, because then we might be able to ask her if she's had similar experience with the homeschooling, or how she approaches this challenge. Perhaps if Savanah does eventually end up going to school, we'll be able to consult with teachers? Maybe I should ask my aunt Pat. I think she has experience with kids around Savanah's age.)
We then moved on to actual readings. Since we were having Savanah use the cards to answer three questions, Jeff and I each demonstrated by asking one question and using our decks to answer. Each of us has a slightly different way of shuffling and choosing our cards, so we also explained the differences and the reasons behind our choices. Afterwards, we had Savanah do her reading - she chose to shuffle the deck between each question, and tended to use her dad's way of picking the cards (which is to move slowly through the deck, cards face down, until one seems to "jump out" as the right one to pick).
For the first question, "What message does the land have for me?" she drew the Five of Swords. The interpretation of this card in her book was about a conflict or disagreement, along with the suggestion that perhaps careful thought and reasoning, attempting to see things from many different sides, might help in finding a solution. During our discussion about this card, we asked her how this card might reflect her relationship with the land around her, and what she thought the message might be. She mentioned how she very much wants to have her own plot in the garden at her mother's house, but Emily and Jeremy told her no, because if she's gone on vacation then there will be no one to take care of it and the plants would die. Savanah explained to me that this was not a satisfying reason, since she's never gone for more than a week at a time, and most of the work necessary for the garden wouldn't be more often than once a week after the initial planting period. She also said she could ask (or "hire") her brother to take care of her plot while she was away in the summer. When I asked her if she'd brought up these issues with her mom as a way of trying to reach a compromise through sharing her reasons and suggestions, Savanah said that it didn't matter because the truth was that Emily and Jeremy just don't want her to do it, so they would keep inventing reasons and, once exhausted, simply end with, "Because I said so." This seemed like an amazingly accurate insight to Jeff and me, as we'd just been talking about that exact issue with Emily the night before. So again, I'm not sure what message is meant for Savanah, but part of what arose from the conversation is the very obvious conflict between her desire for more independence, and her mom and step-dad's refusal to compromise or allow her that opportunity.
For the second question, "What message does my physical body have for me?" Savanah drew the Eight of Swords. By this time, Jeff had left to go start lunch (this was quite a long session), so Savanah and I talked about what the card might mean. In the book that accompanied her deck, this card was described as a situation in which she might feel restricted or helpless, but help and hope were closer than she may realize, if she could take a deep breath, relax and look at the broader situation. For a while we talked about what this might mean as a message from her body - perhaps he body was asking her to calm down a bit and relax more, allow herself to get adequate sleep and rest. For a while she seemed unsure and didn't think the card meant anything. Then she said something occurred to her that it might mean, but she didn't want to share it with me.
For the third question, "What message does my living space have for me?" she chose to focus on her mother's house and in particular her room (which she shares with her brother). The card she drew for this was the Ten of Pentacles, which is a very good card indicating hard work and cooperation resulting in a good harvest and a happy home. I asked her if she thought this was a relevant card for her room at her mom's. Although she seemed somewhat receptive, she did bring up the fact that she very much wants her own room because it's often impossible to get any alone time in the house and she's not allowed to lock the door. She said she wished either she or Josh could move into the guest room that nobody uses, so that she could have some space that was just her own. I'm honestly not sure if this is an option her mom is willing to entertain, considering apparently she's planning on having more kids as soon as possible.
By this time, we'd pretty much wrapped up the session, with no assignments over the course of this coming week. Next weekend we begin her lessons in Gwyar of Earth. Jeff and I are planning to begin each lesson with some time in silent "meditation," gazing at the candle flame and breathing gently for a little while. We're slowly transitioning - from simply lighting the candle at the beginning of each lesson, to this, to actual meditation that we'll be teaching her the basics of next month, during Nwyfre of Earth. Hopefully next week she'll also remember to bring her drawings for the elements, and perhaps complete the last drawing for calas.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Daily Diary
Sun: sagittarius (fire/mutable), 7:33am - 4:53pm
Moon: waxing crescent, pisces (water/mutable)
Earth: sunny all day, no snowfall, warmer than it has been, high near 50
Thoughts: spent lot of time (too much time) today bothering about Emily - not worrying or even feeling angry, so much as going over the details of the situation, first with Jeff again this morning and then with my mother; wondering a bit why I can't seem to get into the "holiday spirit" this year, but not too bothered by it
Actions: composed a letter to Emily (which I have not sent, yet); spent much of the day working on a craft project as a test to see how difficult it would be to do with the kids; emailed my parents about Christmas gifts and then called my mom to talk about various issues regarding shipping/delivery, etc.; otherwise, mostly hung out with the kids
Connections: I find I'm feeling rather irritated; Jeff seems exhausted though I'm not sure why he's more tired than any usual Saturday, but when he gets like this it's like pulling teeth to get any response from him or any commitment one way or another; I also find I spent much of the day feeling annoyed by Josh, who is clearly testing limits and deliberately doing things after I ask him not to - which is fine, but I have no patience for that and he's not going to goad me into anger... I'm more likely to just stop dealing with him altogether; but I do wish we understood what his behavioral issues stem from so we could get him to stop being so obnoxious and rude
Daily Tarot Card: The King of Cups is wise, calm and infinitely patient. Deeply in touch with the waters of intuition and emotion, he is able to sense which way the currents are moving. He is a caring protector of his domain, and though he may not always appear active or organized to the outside perspective, his tolerance and understanding of others guides him well to make the choices that will cleanse the heart and keep the ways of communication open and clear. (My note: I sense from this card a bit of chastisement for not appreciating Jeff more, and perhaps the advice to defer to his wisdom, especially in the matters of Emily and Josh. On my part, I will need to find the patience to give him the time he needs to "tap into" that part of him that harbors his deeper wisdom, and perhaps take on a role of protector, too, to guard the space he may need to seek it.)
Moon: waxing crescent, pisces (water/mutable)
Earth: sunny all day, no snowfall, warmer than it has been, high near 50
Thoughts: spent lot of time (too much time) today bothering about Emily - not worrying or even feeling angry, so much as going over the details of the situation, first with Jeff again this morning and then with my mother; wondering a bit why I can't seem to get into the "holiday spirit" this year, but not too bothered by it
Actions: composed a letter to Emily (which I have not sent, yet); spent much of the day working on a craft project as a test to see how difficult it would be to do with the kids; emailed my parents about Christmas gifts and then called my mom to talk about various issues regarding shipping/delivery, etc.; otherwise, mostly hung out with the kids
Connections: I find I'm feeling rather irritated; Jeff seems exhausted though I'm not sure why he's more tired than any usual Saturday, but when he gets like this it's like pulling teeth to get any response from him or any commitment one way or another; I also find I spent much of the day feeling annoyed by Josh, who is clearly testing limits and deliberately doing things after I ask him not to - which is fine, but I have no patience for that and he's not going to goad me into anger... I'm more likely to just stop dealing with him altogether; but I do wish we understood what his behavioral issues stem from so we could get him to stop being so obnoxious and rude
Daily Tarot Card: The King of Cups is wise, calm and infinitely patient. Deeply in touch with the waters of intuition and emotion, he is able to sense which way the currents are moving. He is a caring protector of his domain, and though he may not always appear active or organized to the outside perspective, his tolerance and understanding of others guides him well to make the choices that will cleanse the heart and keep the ways of communication open and clear. (My note: I sense from this card a bit of chastisement for not appreciating Jeff more, and perhaps the advice to defer to his wisdom, especially in the matters of Emily and Josh. On my part, I will need to find the patience to give him the time he needs to "tap into" that part of him that harbors his deeper wisdom, and perhaps take on a role of protector, too, to guard the space he may need to seek it.)
Friday, December 10, 2010
Meditations on Brigid: Goddess of Healing
Brigid, Goddess of Healing, I trust you completely in hoping you will forgive me for my fatigue tonight and my wish to retire to bed early. For now — what aspect of yourself do you wish to reveal to me for further contemplation and exploration during my dreams and in my waking hours this weekend?
Justice rests not in guilt and punishment, but in the true of relationship and balance. In this way, it becomes an expression of healing and harmony, the redress of wrongs to restore right relationship. Truth reveals the patterns of things, and critical analysis and a willingness to see ourselves from others' perspectives open to us the potential to heal old wounds and soften the scars of misunderstanding or poor judgement. Physical health, too, demands a kind of dispassionate justice towards our bodies, treating them with respect and care, seeking a harmonious and balanced relationship with the physical world not solely ruled by our cravings and desires.
Praise to you, Brigid, Goddess of Healing and Harmony, wise sword-bearer, blade sharpened with the breath of your truth and insight, cutting away the bonds of disease and imbalance that restrict and unbalance us. My gratitude for your beautiful, loving presence in my life.
Awen.
Justice (XI): A symbol of balance, equilibrium and harmony, the scales balanced, the connections interweaving the inner and outer worlds, the conscious with the unconscious, are laid open to be weighed and reckoned. The sword of discernment and honest, objective analysis allows us to see ourselves in the light of truth, revealing our failures and flaws and enabling us to compensate for them, balance them (or perhaps seek forgiveness for them). The patterns of interconnection and choice lead us to this point, this moment of truth, when we see in the full light of day how our past actions have led to our current situation, and how these actions ripple outward to affect others.
Justice rests not in guilt and punishment, but in the true of relationship and balance. In this way, it becomes an expression of healing and harmony, the redress of wrongs to restore right relationship. Truth reveals the patterns of things, and critical analysis and a willingness to see ourselves from others' perspectives open to us the potential to heal old wounds and soften the scars of misunderstanding or poor judgement. Physical health, too, demands a kind of dispassionate justice towards our bodies, treating them with respect and care, seeking a harmonious and balanced relationship with the physical world not solely ruled by our cravings and desires.
Praise to you, Brigid, Goddess of Healing and Harmony, wise sword-bearer, blade sharpened with the breath of your truth and insight, cutting away the bonds of disease and imbalance that restrict and unbalance us. My gratitude for your beautiful, loving presence in my life.
Awen.
Daily Diary
Sun: sagittarius (fire/mutable), 7:32am - 4:53pm
Moon: waxing crescent, aquarius (air/fixed)
Earth: cold all day, though slightly warmer than it has been, light fluffy snow falling
Thoughts: thinking about deity identity and the nature of group conflict and group coherence; thinking about good storytelling and the nature of good narrative; worried a little bit about Emily, considering we never did confront her about her threatening to keep Jeff from seeing the kids, and wondering if we're going to sit down and talk to the kids at some point this weekend about the wedding or not, or maybe put it off until next week
Actions: plugging away at work (received my first official paycheck today!); took some time in the middle of the day to go see "Voyage of the Dawn Treader" with Jeff; had a wonderful dinner and watches "Bones" and "The Office" tonight, both excellent episodes; posted to Wedding on the Edge; posted several times to the Lady of the Stars group and very much enjoying that group despite some of the tension over the past couple days
Connections: I hope work isn't making my brain duller, as I have to commit four to five hours four days a week to emptying the mind and just plugging away at the task; or perhaps this will be good for me, give my analytical mind a rest for a while and let things slip back into perspective; I have been more cheerful the past few days - looks like regular meditation and yoga is helping, especially switching the diary entries to the evening while still doing the meditation in the morning
Daily Tarot Card: The Knight of Pentacles has the patience and determination to commit to a particular goal and follow through, undaunted by distractions and temptations and served well by his cautious nature. He makes gradual but important progress; his motto could almost be "slow and steady wins the race." Undeterred by obstacles, his passion expresses itself in perseverance, unwavering devotion and loyalty and a work ethic that is unmatched in its diligence and concentration, though he may also sometimes seem to lack creativity or initiative. These more energetic traits are not what distinguish the Knight of Pentacles, but a willingness to plod along doing the hard and often unglamorous work that needs to be done in order to ensure success.
Moon: waxing crescent, aquarius (air/fixed)
Earth: cold all day, though slightly warmer than it has been, light fluffy snow falling
Thoughts: thinking about deity identity and the nature of group conflict and group coherence; thinking about good storytelling and the nature of good narrative; worried a little bit about Emily, considering we never did confront her about her threatening to keep Jeff from seeing the kids, and wondering if we're going to sit down and talk to the kids at some point this weekend about the wedding or not, or maybe put it off until next week
Actions: plugging away at work (received my first official paycheck today!); took some time in the middle of the day to go see "Voyage of the Dawn Treader" with Jeff; had a wonderful dinner and watches "Bones" and "The Office" tonight, both excellent episodes; posted to Wedding on the Edge; posted several times to the Lady of the Stars group and very much enjoying that group despite some of the tension over the past couple days
Connections: I hope work isn't making my brain duller, as I have to commit four to five hours four days a week to emptying the mind and just plugging away at the task; or perhaps this will be good for me, give my analytical mind a rest for a while and let things slip back into perspective; I have been more cheerful the past few days - looks like regular meditation and yoga is helping, especially switching the diary entries to the evening while still doing the meditation in the morning
Daily Tarot Card: The Knight of Pentacles has the patience and determination to commit to a particular goal and follow through, undaunted by distractions and temptations and served well by his cautious nature. He makes gradual but important progress; his motto could almost be "slow and steady wins the race." Undeterred by obstacles, his passion expresses itself in perseverance, unwavering devotion and loyalty and a work ethic that is unmatched in its diligence and concentration, though he may also sometimes seem to lack creativity or initiative. These more energetic traits are not what distinguish the Knight of Pentacles, but a willingness to plod along doing the hard and often unglamorous work that needs to be done in order to ensure success.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Meditations on Brigid: Goddess of Transformation
Brigid, Goddess of Transformation,
please reveal an aspect of yourself to me
that I might come to know you better.
Goddess of Transformation, you are a Queen of Culture, that ever-changing flux of collective manifestation in the history of humankind. What begins in the solitude of soul-seeking finds its way back into the relationships of the ordinary world through our commitment to that creative spark of inspiration, your star-lantern guiding us on the path, and our willingness to be destroyed and remade through our embrace of the turning currents and churning chaos of your forge.
My praise and gratitude to you, Exalted Brigid, guardian of the solitary, challenger and uniter.
Awen.
please reveal an aspect of yourself to me
that I might come to know you better.
Creation: The Hermit (IX): "His star-lantern marks the path..." The Hermit journeys in solitude and seeking, drawn by the guiding star of intimate connection with Spirit, urged on to deepen his personal relationship with the inner worlds of night and Mystery. The journey is one of loneliness and quiet, ever-new, the path that must be walked alone for each individual as they seek the lost melodies of their soul-song. Within solitude is found the spark of inspiration, the flickering flame of the lantern that leads onwards into the dark depths.
Destruction: Five of Wands: Things fall apart, the center cannot hold, and what began in playfulness soon becomes strife, the myriad obstacles and obstructions piling up until they seem overwhelming. We may feel that nothing is stable, nothing stays, all is chaos in a noisy current threatening to carry us away as we struggle against its pull. Our energy and passion run up against the difficulties of medium and matter, the limits of navigating conflicting currents, the challenge of mastering form through skill and intention. Yet still there is playfulness in this conflict, and an awareness that difficulty can transform us as well, that we are shaped by the challenges we face and the obstacles we overcome.
Transformation: Three of Pentacles: An expression of unity and resolution away from the tension and conflict of before, by engaging the physical world of material forms we learn to work with these forms in ways that deepen our involvement in the process of creativity and transformation. The work is only just beginning and already it has changed us. No longer alone, we work in concert with the pool of materials to shape and craft new forms, including new expressions and articulations of ourselves. Through such work, spirit is expressed in and through matter, and we are uplifted by our immersion in and engagement with the physical, natural world that at first seemed to us so full of chaos and conflict.
Goddess of Transformation, you are a Queen of Culture, that ever-changing flux of collective manifestation in the history of humankind. What begins in the solitude of soul-seeking finds its way back into the relationships of the ordinary world through our commitment to that creative spark of inspiration, your star-lantern guiding us on the path, and our willingness to be destroyed and remade through our embrace of the turning currents and churning chaos of your forge.
My praise and gratitude to you, Exalted Brigid, guardian of the solitary, challenger and uniter.
Awen.
Daily Diary
Sun: sagittarius (fire/mutable), 7:31am - 4:53pm
Moon: waxing crescent, aquarius (air/fixed)
Earth: cold, though not as windy, mix of sun and snow all day
Thoughts: having to justify myself to readers and commenters on my blog about why requesting donations as expressions of support and appreciation for my writing doesn't make me "mercenary," while also accepting the gratitude and support being offered from others (a difficult balancing act, I do not want to tread anywhere near guilt-tripping); thinking about trolls and how detrimental they are to the atmosphere of online websites and blogs, how they can be so toxic to community coherence; otherwise, generally focused on work today (which was dull dull dull); checking in with the Lady of the Star Fire group to find an on-going conversation about deity identity which sparked some interesting dinner conversation for Jeff and me
Actions: got in a good chunk of contractor work today, though it was rather tedious and I felt somewhat unfocused; no yoga this morning, unfortunately; meditation tonight for Brigid; otherwise, plugging away, feeling good about the work
Connections: my ambivalence about blogging continues to waver back and forth, so that I'm not sure if I should be striving to help "be the change I wish to see" online, or just throw my hands up; I'm sure a balance is probably going to be the appropriate approach in the end
Daily Tarot Card: The World (XXI) is a card of connection, fulfillment and peace of mind, a weaving of the heart and mind, of intuition and action, creativity and receptivity, in ways that engage us deeply in all of the life and wonder that surrounds us in the great cycles and spirals of life, death and rebirth. We accept life as it comes, able to touch our grief and sorrows without being overwhelmed by them, able to dance and sing our joys, our passion and love without being carried away by them. This is the card of the beginning-in-the-end, the culmination and fulfillment that gives rise to new beginnings in the ever-spinning dance of the universe.
Moon: waxing crescent, aquarius (air/fixed)
Earth: cold, though not as windy, mix of sun and snow all day
Thoughts: having to justify myself to readers and commenters on my blog about why requesting donations as expressions of support and appreciation for my writing doesn't make me "mercenary," while also accepting the gratitude and support being offered from others (a difficult balancing act, I do not want to tread anywhere near guilt-tripping); thinking about trolls and how detrimental they are to the atmosphere of online websites and blogs, how they can be so toxic to community coherence; otherwise, generally focused on work today (which was dull dull dull); checking in with the Lady of the Star Fire group to find an on-going conversation about deity identity which sparked some interesting dinner conversation for Jeff and me
Actions: got in a good chunk of contractor work today, though it was rather tedious and I felt somewhat unfocused; no yoga this morning, unfortunately; meditation tonight for Brigid; otherwise, plugging away, feeling good about the work
Connections: my ambivalence about blogging continues to waver back and forth, so that I'm not sure if I should be striving to help "be the change I wish to see" online, or just throw my hands up; I'm sure a balance is probably going to be the appropriate approach in the end
Daily Tarot Card: The World (XXI) is a card of connection, fulfillment and peace of mind, a weaving of the heart and mind, of intuition and action, creativity and receptivity, in ways that engage us deeply in all of the life and wonder that surrounds us in the great cycles and spirals of life, death and rebirth. We accept life as it comes, able to touch our grief and sorrows without being overwhelmed by them, able to dance and sing our joys, our passion and love without being carried away by them. This is the card of the beginning-in-the-end, the culmination and fulfillment that gives rise to new beginnings in the ever-spinning dance of the universe.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Meditations on Brigid: Creatrix, Goddess of Creativity
Brigid, Bright Creatrix,
Goddess of Creativity,
Source of All,
what message do you have for me?
The grief of the ancestors in my blood and bones, the land I walk upon, you are the Ancestor of my ancestors, the source in the stars themselves, the ringing clash of metal, hiss of steam in the darkness and star-pierced night of space. Before there was a land, there was fire and water, there was you, the forger of star-stuff, complexity building upon complexity in the furnace at the heart of the countless suns, and the scattering of star-ash across the galaxies. We arise from your burning self-sacrifice and the joy of your passion and song, your voice like harp strings humming and thrumming in tension between life and death, strung between earth and sky, taut in our hearts, our throats, our hand-weavings as we do our work. All creativity is transformation, the willingness to dance as a partner of death, to carve away and reform, re-imagine. The ember of creation is the last remnant of a slow-dying fire, smoldering warmth and with its last light giving the spark to set going a new blaze.
Praise to you, Source and Nothing, Creator and Death alike, embracing the world with a love that sustains and transforms. My gratitude for your presence in my life, Exalted Brigid.
Awen.
Goddess of Creativity,
Source of All,
what message do you have for me?
Death: Not creation from nothing, but the creativity of rebirth and renewal is her nature, the cycles of destruction and creation in the wild, passionate dance of grief and joy, sorrow and love, bound together and unfolding in ever-new forms and ways. The creation of transformation, the embrace of fire that both consumes and transforms, the new is a seed within the old, hatched amidst difficulty and, yes, even fear.
The grief of the ancestors in my blood and bones, the land I walk upon, you are the Ancestor of my ancestors, the source in the stars themselves, the ringing clash of metal, hiss of steam in the darkness and star-pierced night of space. Before there was a land, there was fire and water, there was you, the forger of star-stuff, complexity building upon complexity in the furnace at the heart of the countless suns, and the scattering of star-ash across the galaxies. We arise from your burning self-sacrifice and the joy of your passion and song, your voice like harp strings humming and thrumming in tension between life and death, strung between earth and sky, taut in our hearts, our throats, our hand-weavings as we do our work. All creativity is transformation, the willingness to dance as a partner of death, to carve away and reform, re-imagine. The ember of creation is the last remnant of a slow-dying fire, smoldering warmth and with its last light giving the spark to set going a new blaze.
Praise to you, Source and Nothing, Creator and Death alike, embracing the world with a love that sustains and transforms. My gratitude for your presence in my life, Exalted Brigid.
Awen.
Daily Diary
Sun: sagittarius (fire/mutable), 7:30am - 4:53pm
Moon: waxing crescent, capricorn (earth/cardinal)
Earth: bitter cold but sunny all day, windy, snow falling like crystalline glitter tossed and shimmering in rays of light
Thoughts: figuring out how to deal with the heat issue; wondering about the prevalence of cups in my tarot readings recently; contemplating Brigid as Creatrix, Goddess of creation and creativity
Actions: dealing with Marty showing up relatively unannounced this morning to take a look at the furnace in the basement; meditation this morning and attempt at active imagination, but couldn't concentrate; spent all afternoon working on DOTR lesson 2, honoring the ancestors, researching the history of Lancaster and Allegheny counties and trying to think of all of the "ancestors of the spirit" who have influenced my path; posted part two of final blog post series; emailed Mike and Alta about family tree information
Connections: a "day off" in a real honest-to-goodness sense of no work, no kids and no guilt feelings over writing obligations, it felt nice to just spend the day digging deep into the ancestry research (and even then I feel that I barely scratched the surface, especially when it comes to my blood ancestors, the people I'm descended from)
Daily Tarot Card: The Eight of Pentacles represents the worker engaged in the dance and weave of the work, the activity of creativity manifesting in physical form, and the willingness to engage in the work with all of your skill, intellect and effort in order to experiment and, through the process of work itself, to discover new things. This is a card of both motivation and inspiration, a card of work coming to an end while the exploration continues and generates new ideas and skills to be turned towards new projects in the future. And always, the work is on-going and the product, in some ways, ephemeral, glistening suspended like a web on which the dew collects in tiny, shimmering stars. While we often think of the material world being the realm of the concrete and lasting forms giving expression to numinous spiritual realities, the physical realm itself is characterized by flux, change, evolution and the cycles of growth, decay and rebirth. Work always leads to work, a passionate engagement in the process itself gives its own pleasures and rewards.
Moon: waxing crescent, capricorn (earth/cardinal)
Earth: bitter cold but sunny all day, windy, snow falling like crystalline glitter tossed and shimmering in rays of light
Thoughts: figuring out how to deal with the heat issue; wondering about the prevalence of cups in my tarot readings recently; contemplating Brigid as Creatrix, Goddess of creation and creativity
Actions: dealing with Marty showing up relatively unannounced this morning to take a look at the furnace in the basement; meditation this morning and attempt at active imagination, but couldn't concentrate; spent all afternoon working on DOTR lesson 2, honoring the ancestors, researching the history of Lancaster and Allegheny counties and trying to think of all of the "ancestors of the spirit" who have influenced my path; posted part two of final blog post series; emailed Mike and Alta about family tree information
Connections: a "day off" in a real honest-to-goodness sense of no work, no kids and no guilt feelings over writing obligations, it felt nice to just spend the day digging deep into the ancestry research (and even then I feel that I barely scratched the surface, especially when it comes to my blood ancestors, the people I'm descended from)
Daily Tarot Card: The Eight of Pentacles represents the worker engaged in the dance and weave of the work, the activity of creativity manifesting in physical form, and the willingness to engage in the work with all of your skill, intellect and effort in order to experiment and, through the process of work itself, to discover new things. This is a card of both motivation and inspiration, a card of work coming to an end while the exploration continues and generates new ideas and skills to be turned towards new projects in the future. And always, the work is on-going and the product, in some ways, ephemeral, glistening suspended like a web on which the dew collects in tiny, shimmering stars. While we often think of the material world being the realm of the concrete and lasting forms giving expression to numinous spiritual realities, the physical realm itself is characterized by flux, change, evolution and the cycles of growth, decay and rebirth. Work always leads to work, a passionate engagement in the process itself gives its own pleasures and rewards.
DOTR Lesson 2: Honoring the Ancestors
Ancestors of My Blood
Ancestors of the Land of My Birth
(Lancaster, Lancaster County, PA)
Ancestors of the Land Where I Dwell
(Pittsburgh, Allegheny County, PA)
Ancestors of the Spirit
- Charlie and Diane, my parents
- my grandmothers and grandfathers, I cannot remember their names or ever meeting them except for Nana Jule, my father's mother; only my mother's mother is still alive
- my father's family comes originally from Ireland and crossed the ocean fleeing the Irish Potato Famine in the mid-1800s; they settled in central Pennsylvania, in coal country, and worked the mines there, some of them intermarrying with Welsh descendants already living in the area
- I do not know anything about my mother's family, except that she has German, Welsh, English and a bit of French blood flowing in her veins; disowned by her family shortly after I was born, we have hardly any contact with her siblings and no contact with her parents
Ancestors of the Land of My Birth
(Lancaster, Lancaster County, PA)
- Susquehannocks ("people of the muddy river"), an Iroquoian-speaking tribe also known as the Conestoga, lived along the Susquehanna River in what eventually became New York, Pennsylvania and Maryland (and possibly West Virginia); Europeans rarely came so far inland, and so they likely lived undisturbed in this area for several hundred years. Captain John Smith of Jamestown met them in 1608, when they had a sizable village near what is today Lancaster City, where I was born. Their numbers declined steadily over the next century due to disease, relocation and war. Eventually the remainder of the tribe settled in a small village called "Conestoga Town" in Lancaster County, where in 1763 the last remaining Susquehannocks were murdered by the Paxton Boys.
- Other native tribes of the area include the Shawnee, Gawanese, Lenpae and Naticokes.
- John Kennerly received the first deed to the area of Lancaster County from William Penn in 1691, but no evidence of European settlers exists in the area prior to 1710. Lancaster was named after the city of Lancaster in Lancashire, England, native home of on of the earliest settlers, John Wright.
- Surnames of some of the earliest settlers include: Caernarvon and Lampeter (Welsh); Cocalico, Conestoga and Peshtank/Paxton (Native American); Warwck, Lancaster, Martic, Sadsbury, Salisbury and Hempfield (English); Donegal, Drumore, Derry and Leacock (Irish); Manheim (German); Lebanon (Biblical); and Earl (anglicized German)
- Many Anabaptist Mennonite immigrants (ancestors of the Amish) arrived in Lancaster County during the 1720s and 1730s, accepting William Penn's offer of religious freedom and tolerance (as part of a "holy experiment"). Quakers were also early settlers of the area.
- Members of the pacifistic Moravian Church began building the town of Lititz as a planned community in 1740s.
- James Buchanan, native of Lancaster, was elected the 15th President of the United States in 1856 (and his bad policies helped bring about the Civil War).
- Immediately north of the Mason-Dixon line, Lancaster was an important stop on the Underground Railroad, as ordinary citizens helped escaping slaves make their way north to (relative) freedom and safety. Involved in one well-known incident of violence were William Parker, Noah Buley, Nelson Ford, George Ford, Joshua Hammond and Castner Hanway.
Ancestors of the Land Where I Dwell
(Pittsburgh, Allegheny County, PA)
- The county, first in Pennsylvania to be given a Native American Indian name, takes its name from the Allegheny River, the word having Lenape origin and possibly meaning "fine river."
- A place where three rivers meet, it was claimed and settled by various native tribes prior to European settlement, resulting in a multi-ethnic mixture that included Iroquois, Lenape, Shawnee and Mingo.
- The first Europeans to claim the area were the French, specifically Captain Pierre Joseph de Celeron who claimed the Ohio Valley and western Pennsylvania for Louis XV. Robert de la Salle, a French explorer and trader, was the first to "discover" in the area (in 1669).
- In an attempt to claim the area for the British, Virginians were sent in 1754 to build Fort Prince George at the conjunction of the Allegheny, Ohio and Monongahela Rivers; however, they were discovered by the French, who captured the fort and renamed it Fort Duquesne. This fort became a focal point for conflict between the British and French during the French and Indian War in the mid-1700s. Eventually, in 1758, the British recaptured the fort, destroyed it, rebuilt it and named it Fort Pitt.
- During Pontiac's Rebellion, native tribes besieged Fort Pitt for two months, eventually defeated by Colonel Henry Bouquet. Evidence suggests this defeat was due at least in part to one of the earliest known records of biological warfare: Lord Jeffery Amherst ordered the distribution of smallpox-inoculated blankets to the Native Americans surrounding the fort.
- In the 1790s, workers and small farm owners rebelled against unfair tax on whiskey imposed by the federal government, in what became known as the Whiskey Rebellion (1794). President Washington responded by sending troops to quell the rebellion, setting a precedent that local citizen-based resistance to the new government would not be tolerated.
- In the 1830s, Welsh people migrated from the coal mines and steelworks of Merthyr (in South Wales) in the aftermath of the Merthyr Rising of 1831.
- The American Civil War boosted the economy of Pittsburgh, and a decade later in 1875 Andrew Carnegie founded the Edgar Thomson Steel Works (eventually becoming the Carnegie Steel Company), beginning an almost century-long dominance of the steel industry in the city (creating truly hellish pollution as a result).
- Following WWII, the city began to focus on civic revitalization, but in the 1970s and 1980s the steel industry collapsed, leaving unemployment high and the city population dwindling. Since then, economic focus has shifted to the service sector, with emphasis on education and medicine, as well as robotics and high technology.
Ancestors of the Spirit
- The ancient proto-Celts and Celts, with their priests known as the Druids (c. 800s BCE - c. 400s CE), who left evidence through archeological records, cultural heritage and evolving oral and literary traditions.
- Buddha (Siddhārtha Gautama, c. 563 - 483 BCE), Indian spiritual teacher and "the awakened one," founder of Buddhism, and the teachings of the Four Noble Truths, the Eightfold Path and anatman (no-self).
- Lao Tzu (c. 500s BCE) and Chuang Tzu (c. 300s BCE), ancient Chinese philosophers and spiritual leaders deeply influential in the founding and development of Taoism.
- Jesus of Nazareth (c. 5 BCE - c. 30 CE), Jewish spiritual leader and healer and (inadvertent?) founder of Christianity, and the teachings of the Law of Love and the Sermon on the Mount, among others.
- The monks, nuns and priests of Celtic Christianity, especially in Ireland (c. 400s - c. 700s CE), who resisted the Romanized, more imperial and urban forms of Christianity and cultivated instead a Christian tradition which embraced the sacredness of the natural world, poetry and music.
- St. Brigid of Kildare (c. 451 - 525), one of the three patron saints of Ireland, reputedly a Christian nun, abbess and bishop (though she may not be a historical figure at all, or a blending of an authentic historical figure with the myths and legends of the Pagan goddess, Brighid).
- Rumi (Jalāl ad-Dīn Muḥammad Rūmī, 1207 - 1273), thirteenth century Persian poet, theologian and Sufi mystic (his poetry in English translation by Coleman Barks).
- St. Teresa of Ávila (1515 - 1582), Spanish mystic, Catholic saint, Carmelite nun and theologian of contemplative prayer, and St. John of the Cross (1542 - 1591), Spanish mystic, Catholic saint and Carmelite friar.
- Iolo Morganwg (aka Edward Williams, 1747 - 1826), indirectly, through the influence of his forgeries in Welsh literature and poetry.
- John Keats (1795 - 1821), English Romantic poet.
- Victor Hugo (1802 - 1885), French writer, human rights activist and Romantic, as well as his fictional characters, Jean Valjean and Marius Pontmercy from the novel Les Misérables.
- William Butler Yeats (1865 - 1939), Irish writer, poet and collector of Irish poetry, legends and folklore.
- Rainer Maria Rilke (1875 - 1926), Bohemian-Austrian poet, and his poetry (in English translation by Stephen Mitchell) as well as his Letters to a Young Poet.
- Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi (1869 - 1948), Indian political activist, pacifist and writer, and his teachings of satyagraha (or "love force"), the resistance to tyranny and oppression through civil disobedience and nonviolence founded in love, truth and respect and honor for life.
- Dion Fortune (aka Violet Mary Firth Evans, 1890 - 1946), British theosophist, occultist and author.
- J.R.R. Tolkien (1892 - 1973), English writer and philologist, author of the Lord of the Rings trilogy, and C.S. Lewis (1898 - 1963), English writer, theologian and Christian apologist, author of the Chronicles of Narnia.
- E.E. Cummings (1894 - 1962), American poet and essayist.
- Evangeline Walton (1907 - 1996), American author of fantasy fiction, and her retellings of the Four Branches of the Mabinogion.
- Madeleine L'Engle (1918 - 2007), American writer of young adult fiction, and her Wrinkle in Time series.
- Marion Zimmer Bradley (1930 - 1999), American author of the fantasy Mists of Avalon series.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Meditations on Brigid: Goddess of Poetry
Brigid, Goddess of Poetry,
May you reveal an aspect of yourself to me.
Brigid, Goddess of Poetry, I do not understand. What gifts am I still refusing? What gifts do you offer to me?
Praise to you, Brigid, Goddess of Poetry. I am not sure I understand what messages you would communicate to me, yet the theme of connection and acceptance in the midst of tension and turning seems clear. I will do my best to accept your gifts, to seek your wisdom.
Brigid, Goddess of Poetry and paradox, of tension resolved into beauty — please help me to be humble, hopeful and receptive.
Awen.
May you reveal an aspect of yourself to me.
Four of Cups: "There is yet a gift that you are refusing though it is offered to you."
Brigid, Goddess of Poetry, I do not understand. What gifts am I still refusing? What gifts do you offer to me?
Justice (XI): A card of balance, perspective and discernment, the ability to see yourself clearly and understand how your current circumstances arise from your past choices. The humility and lightness of being which, weighed against the feather in the goddess's gentle hands, will not be found wanting. The gift of clarity and perceptive insight, dispassionate knowledge of the interweaving world.
The Wheel of Fortune (X): A card of patterns repeating, the same stories arising, being told again and again, always new, with new lessons to share. The world interweaves as it turns, the same gold thread connecting us all as the fates spin. Here is the gift of perspective, stepping back to see the larger context, and accepting the turning tides of chance and fate with humor and hope, rather than becoming entrenched in guilt or blame.
Two of Cups: A card of unity, the blending and intertwining of opposites, the relationship that brings together in bonds of love and acceptance while also celebrating the joyful tension of difference and duality. This gift of connection and contact is fluid and ever-changing, ever-evolving. Some relationships will blossom and grow, while others will fade away. This card seek the resolution of the gift of the Ace of Cups through the mirror reflection of emotion, intuition, imagination and relationship.
Praise to you, Brigid, Goddess of Poetry. I am not sure I understand what messages you would communicate to me, yet the theme of connection and acceptance in the midst of tension and turning seems clear. I will do my best to accept your gifts, to seek your wisdom.
Brigid, Goddess of Poetry and paradox, of tension resolved into beauty — please help me to be humble, hopeful and receptive.
Awen.
Daily Diary
Sun: sagittarius (fire/mutable), 7:30am - 4:53pm
Moon: waxing crescent, capricorn (earth/cardinal)
Earth: windy and snowy all day, bitterly cold
Thoughts: stressing out about the PNC editorial meeting and finally making the decision to step down from the volunteer position; stressing out about the heat in the apartment being almost useless and trying to figure out a way to deal with that that won't cost us hundreds in wasted energy; stressed about Christmas/Solstice gifts; stressed about Dad telling me Mom feels left out of the wedding planning and not sure what to do about that when she's more interested in the small details and not in the stuff that actually needs to get done; stressed about finally announcing on the blog that I'll be going on "hiatus" and the fallout from that, which has been a lot of kind, supportive lip service (and friendly advice about how to monetize the blog and sell merchandise through CafePress); just, stressed in general
Actions: lots of work done today, including scheduling the final posts to go up on the blog; ran out to run errands during lunch and then after dinner; got a portable space heater to use that will hopefully help us deal with the heating problem (maybe Jeff can call about the heater tomorrow?); generally just ranted to Jeff about everything
Connections: I'm feeling exhausted and strung out, expected to make commitments to a ton of things that have no benefit to me and offer no support to my own work, let alone financial support; feeling very bitter about hypocrisy, but also really not wanting to let people down and kicking myself for berating myself and wishing I could just act selfishly (and it's not even all that selfish!) without feeling guilty; yet when it's just me and I sit down to just do the work I have to do, I feel really good about my productivity, and I feel engaged and accomplished and pleased with the work I'm doing (and that goes for paid work as well as unpaid writing work); so I just don't know anymore; this is a rough patch, I guess, is all
Daily Tarot Card: The Ace of Cups reassures that sometimes a withdrawal into dream and imagination is just the beginning, the first step towards greater depth, deeper connection and more intimate, authentic love for the self, for others and for life. This is the first drop of rain that soon becomes a storm, the first trickle from the spring that becomes a raging river. The first ripple that moves through the smooth surface of a still pond. The Ace of Cups is the gift of beginnings, the gift of discovering and entering into source, where our emotions and intuitions connect us into the greater flow of the world.
Moon: waxing crescent, capricorn (earth/cardinal)
Earth: windy and snowy all day, bitterly cold
Thoughts: stressing out about the PNC editorial meeting and finally making the decision to step down from the volunteer position; stressing out about the heat in the apartment being almost useless and trying to figure out a way to deal with that that won't cost us hundreds in wasted energy; stressed about Christmas/Solstice gifts; stressed about Dad telling me Mom feels left out of the wedding planning and not sure what to do about that when she's more interested in the small details and not in the stuff that actually needs to get done; stressed about finally announcing on the blog that I'll be going on "hiatus" and the fallout from that, which has been a lot of kind, supportive lip service (and friendly advice about how to monetize the blog and sell merchandise through CafePress); just, stressed in general
Actions: lots of work done today, including scheduling the final posts to go up on the blog; ran out to run errands during lunch and then after dinner; got a portable space heater to use that will hopefully help us deal with the heating problem (maybe Jeff can call about the heater tomorrow?); generally just ranted to Jeff about everything
Connections: I'm feeling exhausted and strung out, expected to make commitments to a ton of things that have no benefit to me and offer no support to my own work, let alone financial support; feeling very bitter about hypocrisy, but also really not wanting to let people down and kicking myself for berating myself and wishing I could just act selfishly (and it's not even all that selfish!) without feeling guilty; yet when it's just me and I sit down to just do the work I have to do, I feel really good about my productivity, and I feel engaged and accomplished and pleased with the work I'm doing (and that goes for paid work as well as unpaid writing work); so I just don't know anymore; this is a rough patch, I guess, is all
Daily Tarot Card: The Ace of Cups reassures that sometimes a withdrawal into dream and imagination is just the beginning, the first step towards greater depth, deeper connection and more intimate, authentic love for the self, for others and for life. This is the first drop of rain that soon becomes a storm, the first trickle from the spring that becomes a raging river. The first ripple that moves through the smooth surface of a still pond. The Ace of Cups is the gift of beginnings, the gift of discovering and entering into source, where our emotions and intuitions connect us into the greater flow of the world.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Meditations on Brigid: Lady of the Stars
Exalted Brigid, Lady of the Stars,
I seek to know you better.
Exalted Brigid, Lady of the Stars,
reveal to me an aspect of yourself.
What gifts do you offer that I am blindly refusing, Brigid, Lady of the Stars?
My gratitude and praise to you, Brigid, Lady of the Stars, guiding light of my hope and exalted guardian of my trusting soul. May I serve you well, from the unknown depths to the gentle river of the stars unrolling, to the long, slow fecundity of earth that seems to sleep yet ever returns, renewed.
Awen.
I seek to know you better.
Exalted Brigid, Lady of the Stars,
reveal to me an aspect of yourself.
Four of Cups: "I offer you a gift, yet you still refuse, sunk in your own revery, gazing at your own reflection."
What gifts do you offer that I am blindly refusing, Brigid, Lady of the Stars?
Knight of Pentacles: The gift of patience and steady commitment to hard work and unwavering devotion. The Knight rides the great steed of the earth itself, curling and arcing along its course with the ancient power of the deep dragon waking. He is not distracted by the temptations or distractions that abound, but sets his eyes on his goal and settles into the long, loving work of reaching it. He does not move, so much as grow, like a vine, ivy, symbol of perseverance. Though he may seem passive and still, he is unmoving only as the great stars are unmoving, turning above the earth so silently and gracefully that the eye cannot detect their movement. And yet still, they move.
The Moon (XVIII): The gift of hidden depths and unknown mysteries — the wellspring of the unconscious, the pale mirror-light of reflection, dreams and enchantment. The moon rises between the tangled limbs of forest trees, casting misleading shadows, and the symbols, images and dream-leadings of the unconscious arise to unsettle the conscious mind and disrupt carefully planned patterns. A mask itself, the moon reveals all masks and casts them off. This is the gift of the unexpected depths, the mysteries of darkness and night, the space between the stars that reveal themselves in strange fantasies and confusing patterns. Is it productive to wander by moonlight? Will the waking world accept the gifts of dreams, ideals and strange omens calling deeper? These are the wrong questions; the moon beckons us to dance, to indulge in an exploration of our own depths. With this exploration comes the gift of intuition, imagination, receptivity and grace.
The Star (XVII): The gift of hope, renewal and the gentle dance of inner and outer worlds together in harmony and balance. The star guides, and it is with joy, calm and trust that one follows that guiding, glittering light with movements that flow as naturally as the grace-blessed waters of the river and the milky way alike. Just as water flows, hope and inspiration work their own way out, and freedom that springs from within ripples outward to echo in the world all around us and in the lives of others. The star gazes on in tranquility, providing guidance and blessings simply through its nature. This is the gift of following one's own inner star as the path reveals itself before the earnest, trusting seeker's wandering feet. To follow with joy and trust is to open to generosity and gratitude.
My gratitude and praise to you, Brigid, Lady of the Stars, guiding light of my hope and exalted guardian of my trusting soul. May I serve you well, from the unknown depths to the gentle river of the stars unrolling, to the long, slow fecundity of earth that seems to sleep yet ever returns, renewed.
Awen.
Daily Diary
Sun: sagittarius (fire/mutable), 7:29am - 4:53pm
Moon: new moon, sagittarius (fire/mutable)
Earth: sunny for now and very cold, snow likely later in the day
Thoughts: thinking about finish the blog post and putting it up, just to get it finished; thinking about the various things I want to get done today, including a few hours of work and some housecleaning, vacuuming and especially in the bathrooms; also thinking about updating the wedding blog; eventually having to deal with Emily, send some kind of email in response to her ranting at Jeff last night and threatening to not let him see the kids because she wasn't invited to the wedding
Actions: yoga this morning, a few hours or work, then break for lunch and some cleaning, then a few more hours of work, then dinner, see what my energy level is for finishing up the blog post and posting the first part; post to wedding blog as well (poem today); tonight do some meditative work with the aspects of Brigid as per the Lady of the Stars group stuff, see how that goes
Connections: mind running noisy again this morning, hard to focus; most of what's "on my mind" is noise and chatter, not many ideas to narrow in on other than a running list of what I need to get done today; need to figure out how to clear out the mental clutter to some extent, focus in on meditation and why it doesn't seem to be helping much
Daily Tarot Card: The Page of Cups is a card of (perhaps yet unrealized) potential for emotional depth and psychic abilities, dwelling in dream and imagination, reveling in a romantic, almost idealistic relationship to the world. There is some small risk of not having the maturity to manifest all of the self-realization and potential one is capable of, but there is also great promise held within this card. Pui-Mun Law writes, "The Page of Cups is sentimental. She is a true romantic at heart, and in a world that is filled with so much noise and bustle, she longs for the time and space to simply breathe and to truly take in the pleasures that abound."
(My note: Sound familiar? I'm thinking I may need to approach meditation in the mornings differently, perhaps delaying the diary entry until the evening and spending the morning time instead simply getting focused and quieting the mind. Also, for several nights in a row now I've had what seem to be vivid or intense dreams, though they're often hard to recall afterwards. They leave me with the impression of having witnessed a story. Perhaps this card is also a reminder, once again, to pursue some creative writing as an alternative to blogging. And to stop just talking about it and get my butt in gear.)
Moon: new moon, sagittarius (fire/mutable)
Earth: sunny for now and very cold, snow likely later in the day
Thoughts: thinking about finish the blog post and putting it up, just to get it finished; thinking about the various things I want to get done today, including a few hours of work and some housecleaning, vacuuming and especially in the bathrooms; also thinking about updating the wedding blog; eventually having to deal with Emily, send some kind of email in response to her ranting at Jeff last night and threatening to not let him see the kids because she wasn't invited to the wedding
Actions: yoga this morning, a few hours or work, then break for lunch and some cleaning, then a few more hours of work, then dinner, see what my energy level is for finishing up the blog post and posting the first part; post to wedding blog as well (poem today); tonight do some meditative work with the aspects of Brigid as per the Lady of the Stars group stuff, see how that goes
Connections: mind running noisy again this morning, hard to focus; most of what's "on my mind" is noise and chatter, not many ideas to narrow in on other than a running list of what I need to get done today; need to figure out how to clear out the mental clutter to some extent, focus in on meditation and why it doesn't seem to be helping much
Daily Tarot Card: The Page of Cups is a card of (perhaps yet unrealized) potential for emotional depth and psychic abilities, dwelling in dream and imagination, reveling in a romantic, almost idealistic relationship to the world. There is some small risk of not having the maturity to manifest all of the self-realization and potential one is capable of, but there is also great promise held within this card. Pui-Mun Law writes, "The Page of Cups is sentimental. She is a true romantic at heart, and in a world that is filled with so much noise and bustle, she longs for the time and space to simply breathe and to truly take in the pleasures that abound."
(My note: Sound familiar? I'm thinking I may need to approach meditation in the mornings differently, perhaps delaying the diary entry until the evening and spending the morning time instead simply getting focused and quieting the mind. Also, for several nights in a row now I've had what seem to be vivid or intense dreams, though they're often hard to recall afterwards. They leave me with the impression of having witnessed a story. Perhaps this card is also a reminder, once again, to pursue some creative writing as an alternative to blogging. And to stop just talking about it and get my butt in gear.)
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Daily Diary
Days of Note: New Moon (Star Frost Moon)
Sun: sagittarius (fire/mutable), 7:28am - 4:53pm
Moon: new moon, star frost moon, sagittarius (fire/mutable)
Earth: snowing all day, sometimes quite heavily, a good inch or so on the ground now, sun sometimes breaking low through the clouds in the afternoon
Thoughts: last night, struggled with some frustration and sadness over feeling ignored and unsupported in my writing, especially when it came to the blogging, but this morning woke up once again in a good mood; turns out, Emily had sent an email to Jeff saying she was hurt about not being invited to the wedding and not being "kept in the loop" on the plans (this was from a few days ago, Jeff hadn't seen the email until this morning), so we spent some time discussing how to respond and he sent an email response this morning asking for clarification on what exactly she was upset about and why (I suggested he point out that, since there was less than six months between when she and Jeremy announced they were engaged and then tied the knot, receiving our save the date card more than ten months in advance of our wedding should certainly count as "being in the loop" and planning ahead - but he decided not to include that because he didn't trust his memory, though I definitely remember because they made the announcement to us in late November/early December of last year when we met to discuss Savanah's schooling options, and they were married in early June); other than that, I've been brainstorming about a project to develop my own divination system of castings using natural objects, but I want to spend more time with the tarot before rushing off to a new system, especially since it's been working so well so far
Actions: yoga this morning, despite not really wanting to, but very glad I did since I've felt loose and energetic all day (the first day since starting up yoga again that I haven't been sore); then a nice breakfast with the kids, then a trip to Phipps where the younger two got to sit on Santa's lap and get a picture with him, and in general we had a very nice time; then back here for Savanah's Druidry lesson (write up coming later tonight or tomorrow); while Jeff dropped off the kids, I spent some time fiddling with blog layout and settings, trying to find one that looks classy to use for the wedding blog; probably just relaxing for the rest of the evening
Connections: as usual, my thoughts while the kids are here are dominated by Emily-related stress and complications, which is only to be expected; I find it's becoming easier and easier to laugh it off and move on to more important things, and to take her tantrums and tirades with a certain amount of grace and good humor; Savanah seems to be getting a lot out of her Druidry work and enjoying it, though she continues to act intimidated by the simple journaling questions we give her, which makes me wonder if she's being challenged by homeschooling (is she not doing enough independent work and thinking for herself? she just finished a big group project that involved researching lung cancer and building robots... how could that seem less daunting than asking her to journal about her favorite aspects of earth, air, fire and water? how much of that work was truly self-directed, and how much was helicopter-parent directed, I wonder?)
Daily Tarot Card: The Queen of Cups is a nexus of creativity and intuitive connection, a meeting and blending between the realm of the everyday ordinary and the depths of the unconscious. She enjoys a mature relationship with those around her while remaining open to the more mysterious currents of intuition and imagination, navigating the flux and chaos of unconscious forces as they play themselves out within herself and others. She seeks the wisdom of the ocean depths and the far-distant stars, and balances these with her own inner wisdom, acting in the world with deft emotional sensitivity and harmony to what goes on around her. What seem to be flights of fancy or missteps into potentially dangerous territory are, for her, paths of connection and creativity that she treads with trust and grace.
Sun: sagittarius (fire/mutable), 7:28am - 4:53pm
Moon: new moon, star frost moon, sagittarius (fire/mutable)
Earth: snowing all day, sometimes quite heavily, a good inch or so on the ground now, sun sometimes breaking low through the clouds in the afternoon
Thoughts: last night, struggled with some frustration and sadness over feeling ignored and unsupported in my writing, especially when it came to the blogging, but this morning woke up once again in a good mood; turns out, Emily had sent an email to Jeff saying she was hurt about not being invited to the wedding and not being "kept in the loop" on the plans (this was from a few days ago, Jeff hadn't seen the email until this morning), so we spent some time discussing how to respond and he sent an email response this morning asking for clarification on what exactly she was upset about and why (I suggested he point out that, since there was less than six months between when she and Jeremy announced they were engaged and then tied the knot, receiving our save the date card more than ten months in advance of our wedding should certainly count as "being in the loop" and planning ahead - but he decided not to include that because he didn't trust his memory, though I definitely remember because they made the announcement to us in late November/early December of last year when we met to discuss Savanah's schooling options, and they were married in early June); other than that, I've been brainstorming about a project to develop my own divination system of castings using natural objects, but I want to spend more time with the tarot before rushing off to a new system, especially since it's been working so well so far
Actions: yoga this morning, despite not really wanting to, but very glad I did since I've felt loose and energetic all day (the first day since starting up yoga again that I haven't been sore); then a nice breakfast with the kids, then a trip to Phipps where the younger two got to sit on Santa's lap and get a picture with him, and in general we had a very nice time; then back here for Savanah's Druidry lesson (write up coming later tonight or tomorrow); while Jeff dropped off the kids, I spent some time fiddling with blog layout and settings, trying to find one that looks classy to use for the wedding blog; probably just relaxing for the rest of the evening
Connections: as usual, my thoughts while the kids are here are dominated by Emily-related stress and complications, which is only to be expected; I find it's becoming easier and easier to laugh it off and move on to more important things, and to take her tantrums and tirades with a certain amount of grace and good humor; Savanah seems to be getting a lot out of her Druidry work and enjoying it, though she continues to act intimidated by the simple journaling questions we give her, which makes me wonder if she's being challenged by homeschooling (is she not doing enough independent work and thinking for herself? she just finished a big group project that involved researching lung cancer and building robots... how could that seem less daunting than asking her to journal about her favorite aspects of earth, air, fire and water? how much of that work was truly self-directed, and how much was helicopter-parent directed, I wonder?)
Daily Tarot Card: The Queen of Cups is a nexus of creativity and intuitive connection, a meeting and blending between the realm of the everyday ordinary and the depths of the unconscious. She enjoys a mature relationship with those around her while remaining open to the more mysterious currents of intuition and imagination, navigating the flux and chaos of unconscious forces as they play themselves out within herself and others. She seeks the wisdom of the ocean depths and the far-distant stars, and balances these with her own inner wisdom, acting in the world with deft emotional sensitivity and harmony to what goes on around her. What seem to be flights of fancy or missteps into potentially dangerous territory are, for her, paths of connection and creativity that she treads with trust and grace.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Daily Diary
Sun: sagittarius (fire/mutable), 7:27am - 4:53pm
Moon: new moon, sagittarius (fire/mutable)
Earth: cold, slightly cloudy, no snow but generally rather dim and wintery
Thoughts: feeling fatigued, worn out; mind wandering over various writing projects, potential fiction writing; also spending time on Facebook, thinking about "No Impact Man" and his backward philosophy of eco-friendly consumerism; reading some in the Plotkin book and contemplating elderhood and wisdom
Actions: a lazy day today; I'd planned to work a few more hours, but I'm feeling generally quite tired and drained, so I've just been poking around the house and spending some time online; my back and arm muscles feel sore from yoga, which probably just means I need to be doing it more consistently in the mornings to loosen up and build strength; the two oldest girls have some big homeschooling-related thing today, so they've been gone all morning and Jeff's taken the two littler ones to go to a presentation and then pick them up; afterwards, dinner and general quiet time (I hope), maybe a walk in the park or a nap
Connections: generally feeling worn out, so not sure of any connections; thoughts meandering, and I find that I have the desire to curl up with a good book for a while; wish there were more really good fiction books to read... which is what has me thinking about writing one myself (they always say write the book you want to read)
Daily Tarot Card: Once again, I draw the Page of Wands, but as I cut the deck, it seems to divide too easily, so that I wonder if the card itself has been bent in some way to make it more likely to draw. I do not see the relevance of the Page of Wands, bursting with enthusiasm and energy and the center of attention, and so I draw again. The Ten of Wands, a card of burden-bearing and perhaps taking on too much, trying to do everything, often the hard way and sometimes when not everything needs doing. A great weight rests on her back - I can only imagine she must feel as sore as I do right now. But still, I'm not satisfied with the reading, so I draw yet again: the Ace of Cups. A card of beginnings, fruitfulness and potential, the Ace of Cups overflows with love, emotion and connection, sending ripples out into the world and giving us a glimpse of our own intuition, imagination and creativity, source of our dreams and fantasies. I am reminded that today is my "Wellkeeping" shift - perhaps a good day to explore dream and fantasy through some creative work, relieved of the burden of new projects and old for a little while.
Moon: new moon, sagittarius (fire/mutable)
Earth: cold, slightly cloudy, no snow but generally rather dim and wintery
Thoughts: feeling fatigued, worn out; mind wandering over various writing projects, potential fiction writing; also spending time on Facebook, thinking about "No Impact Man" and his backward philosophy of eco-friendly consumerism; reading some in the Plotkin book and contemplating elderhood and wisdom
Actions: a lazy day today; I'd planned to work a few more hours, but I'm feeling generally quite tired and drained, so I've just been poking around the house and spending some time online; my back and arm muscles feel sore from yoga, which probably just means I need to be doing it more consistently in the mornings to loosen up and build strength; the two oldest girls have some big homeschooling-related thing today, so they've been gone all morning and Jeff's taken the two littler ones to go to a presentation and then pick them up; afterwards, dinner and general quiet time (I hope), maybe a walk in the park or a nap
Connections: generally feeling worn out, so not sure of any connections; thoughts meandering, and I find that I have the desire to curl up with a good book for a while; wish there were more really good fiction books to read... which is what has me thinking about writing one myself (they always say write the book you want to read)
Daily Tarot Card: Once again, I draw the Page of Wands, but as I cut the deck, it seems to divide too easily, so that I wonder if the card itself has been bent in some way to make it more likely to draw. I do not see the relevance of the Page of Wands, bursting with enthusiasm and energy and the center of attention, and so I draw again. The Ten of Wands, a card of burden-bearing and perhaps taking on too much, trying to do everything, often the hard way and sometimes when not everything needs doing. A great weight rests on her back - I can only imagine she must feel as sore as I do right now. But still, I'm not satisfied with the reading, so I draw yet again: the Ace of Cups. A card of beginnings, fruitfulness and potential, the Ace of Cups overflows with love, emotion and connection, sending ripples out into the world and giving us a glimpse of our own intuition, imagination and creativity, source of our dreams and fantasies. I am reminded that today is my "Wellkeeping" shift - perhaps a good day to explore dream and fantasy through some creative work, relieved of the burden of new projects and old for a little while.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Daily Diary
Sun: sagittarius (fire/mutable), 7:26am - 4:54pm
Moon: waning crescent, scorpio (water/fixed)
Earth: cold and cloudy, below freezing and snow on and off again all day
Thoughts: thinking about the wedding and the beach, wanting to get into better shape and get a better handle on my diet, not that it's so bad, but it could be better; thinking about work and trying to get in another good chunk of hours today
Actions: got up early this morning and did yoga with Jeff; work for several hours in the morning, then lunch (maybe going out somewhere, as a treat?); then spend the afternoon working on Savanah's stuff for this week and trying to flesh out the rest of the outline
Connections: my mind feels chatty and a bit distracted today, but no real substantive thoughts occupying it; I suspect this might be at least in part due to a bit of poor sleep because of aching back and muscles; want to find a way to make sure my posture remains good throughout the day today; otherwise - actually looking forward to the weekend as a break from work
Daily Tarot Card: The Page of Wands plunges into action with child-like joy and enthusiasm, plenty of energy to spare. The card represents the urge to action, with straightforward eagerness and simplicity which can sweep others up in its energy and carry them along with her wit, charm, creativity and passion. She can be both forthright and innocent, and in this way she often finds herself the center of attention. She emphasizes action, taking the plunge and pushing yourself to your limits, perhaps even beyond.
Moon: waning crescent, scorpio (water/fixed)
Earth: cold and cloudy, below freezing and snow on and off again all day
Thoughts: thinking about the wedding and the beach, wanting to get into better shape and get a better handle on my diet, not that it's so bad, but it could be better; thinking about work and trying to get in another good chunk of hours today
Actions: got up early this morning and did yoga with Jeff; work for several hours in the morning, then lunch (maybe going out somewhere, as a treat?); then spend the afternoon working on Savanah's stuff for this week and trying to flesh out the rest of the outline
Connections: my mind feels chatty and a bit distracted today, but no real substantive thoughts occupying it; I suspect this might be at least in part due to a bit of poor sleep because of aching back and muscles; want to find a way to make sure my posture remains good throughout the day today; otherwise - actually looking forward to the weekend as a break from work
Daily Tarot Card: The Page of Wands plunges into action with child-like joy and enthusiasm, plenty of energy to spare. The card represents the urge to action, with straightforward eagerness and simplicity which can sweep others up in its energy and carry them along with her wit, charm, creativity and passion. She can be both forthright and innocent, and in this way she often finds herself the center of attention. She emphasizes action, taking the plunge and pushing yourself to your limits, perhaps even beyond.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Daily Diary
Sun: sagittarius (fire/mutable), 7:25am - 4:54pm
Moon: waning crescent, scorpio (water/fixed)
Earth: gray, on and off snow all day, the tiny, crystalline kind that looks like glitter in the air and hardly sticks
Thoughts: woke up around 4am and couldn't fall back asleep for about two hours, spent that time turning ideas for a novel over in my mind, brainstorming ideas until eventually I drifted back into sleep and dreaming; today, mostly focused on getting work done and meeting the challenges of mastering the software, worrying about being good enough and trying to speed up the learning curve for this new task they have me doing; now thinking over Raymond's letter and trying to think of a way to respond
Actions: slept in this morning, breakfast and then right to work, spent a god chunk of the day plugging away, break for lunch (amazed at the idiocy of the government, courtesy of the Daily Show); late afternoon, took a walk in the park briefly, then meditation; tonight, dinner and then doing some more unpacking and organizing the closet and dressers just like the past two nights (making good progress)
Connections: not much time for miscellaneous thought today, as the work task takes a lot of focus for long stretches at a time; most of what I did think about was directly related to increasing my efficiency and accuracy for work
Daily Tarot Card: The Eight of Wands indicates the end of one phase, but the restless energy and momentum that will carry you through to the next, drifting wild and free on the wind in keeping with your nature, following hope and enthusiasm towards the next task, the next project, the next possibility for setting down roots and undertaking yet a new phase of growth. A new day is dawning, and your concern is to do the right thing at the right time, to stay attuned to the shifts and currents in the winds, to follow through on your commitments and finish old projects so that you have the freedom to pursue new ones with all your attention and energy.
Moon: waning crescent, scorpio (water/fixed)
Earth: gray, on and off snow all day, the tiny, crystalline kind that looks like glitter in the air and hardly sticks
Thoughts: woke up around 4am and couldn't fall back asleep for about two hours, spent that time turning ideas for a novel over in my mind, brainstorming ideas until eventually I drifted back into sleep and dreaming; today, mostly focused on getting work done and meeting the challenges of mastering the software, worrying about being good enough and trying to speed up the learning curve for this new task they have me doing; now thinking over Raymond's letter and trying to think of a way to respond
Actions: slept in this morning, breakfast and then right to work, spent a god chunk of the day plugging away, break for lunch (amazed at the idiocy of the government, courtesy of the Daily Show); late afternoon, took a walk in the park briefly, then meditation; tonight, dinner and then doing some more unpacking and organizing the closet and dressers just like the past two nights (making good progress)
Connections: not much time for miscellaneous thought today, as the work task takes a lot of focus for long stretches at a time; most of what I did think about was directly related to increasing my efficiency and accuracy for work
Daily Tarot Card: The Eight of Wands indicates the end of one phase, but the restless energy and momentum that will carry you through to the next, drifting wild and free on the wind in keeping with your nature, following hope and enthusiasm towards the next task, the next project, the next possibility for setting down roots and undertaking yet a new phase of growth. A new day is dawning, and your concern is to do the right thing at the right time, to stay attuned to the shifts and currents in the winds, to follow through on your commitments and finish old projects so that you have the freedom to pursue new ones with all your attention and energy.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Daily Diary
Days of Note: First Snow
Sun: sagittarius (fire/mutable), 7:24am - 4:54pm
Moon: waning crescent, libra (air/cardinal)
Earth: cold and dim, first substantial snow of the season (sticking to the ground), supposed to snow all day for the next few days
Thoughts: feeling energetic and awake, almost too much so that I've had some trouble sleeping the past few nights; thinking about the Lady of the Stars ritual group and wanting to get back to the forum (also wanting to do nightly meditation work, I think, in addition to morning stuff); mind kind of rambling over many different things, including finishing the W&P article today and sending it off, and what my next contractor work project is going to be
Actions: yoga this morning; wedding wednesday today, which means printing up the labels to put on the Save the Dates, going out to the post office to mail the StDs, swinging by the bank (and grocery store), also possibly setting up some posts to the wedding blog; also, finish the intro and conclusion for the W&P article and email it to the editor; find out what my new project is for work and plunge in (get some substantial hours in over the next few days, before Ryan changes his mind again about what he wants me to be working on); also, want to take a walk in the woods with my camera sometime late this afternoon just before sunset
Connections: brain is just in slightly hyper mode, I guess, and I'm feeling very enthusiastic about things; it's nice to be (almost) out from under this article, especially knowing it'll actually bring in some money, and also to be almost out from under the blog, which will free me up to focus on contractor work for a little while and maybe some hands-on spiritual work like meditation, guitar, craft projects, things like that...
Daily Tarot Card: The Eight of Wands indicates the beginning of a long journey ahead, setting off on a new adventure as the old comes to a close. It is a card of energy, enthusiasm and hope which speeds us on our way, spinning through the world like seeds on the wind, eager to put down new roots and burst into bud and bloom. Old tasks will wrap up quickly, as our forward momentum carries us on to the next project or activity.
Sun: sagittarius (fire/mutable), 7:24am - 4:54pm
Moon: waning crescent, libra (air/cardinal)
Earth: cold and dim, first substantial snow of the season (sticking to the ground), supposed to snow all day for the next few days
Thoughts: feeling energetic and awake, almost too much so that I've had some trouble sleeping the past few nights; thinking about the Lady of the Stars ritual group and wanting to get back to the forum (also wanting to do nightly meditation work, I think, in addition to morning stuff); mind kind of rambling over many different things, including finishing the W&P article today and sending it off, and what my next contractor work project is going to be
Actions: yoga this morning; wedding wednesday today, which means printing up the labels to put on the Save the Dates, going out to the post office to mail the StDs, swinging by the bank (and grocery store), also possibly setting up some posts to the wedding blog; also, finish the intro and conclusion for the W&P article and email it to the editor; find out what my new project is for work and plunge in (get some substantial hours in over the next few days, before Ryan changes his mind again about what he wants me to be working on); also, want to take a walk in the woods with my camera sometime late this afternoon just before sunset
Connections: brain is just in slightly hyper mode, I guess, and I'm feeling very enthusiastic about things; it's nice to be (almost) out from under this article, especially knowing it'll actually bring in some money, and also to be almost out from under the blog, which will free me up to focus on contractor work for a little while and maybe some hands-on spiritual work like meditation, guitar, craft projects, things like that...
Daily Tarot Card: The Eight of Wands indicates the beginning of a long journey ahead, setting off on a new adventure as the old comes to a close. It is a card of energy, enthusiasm and hope which speeds us on our way, spinning through the world like seeds on the wind, eager to put down new roots and burst into bud and bloom. Old tasks will wrap up quickly, as our forward momentum carries us on to the next project or activity.
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