Daily Diary

Sun: scorpio (water/fixed), 7:06am - 5:03pm
Moon: waxing gibbous, pisces (water/mutable)
Earth: dense fog this morning, burning off in mid-morning sun, cooler than last week with some scattered clouds

Thoughts: woke up around 2am feeling intensely dizzy, possibly from combined lack of food and intense spiritual work of the past week or so; feeling a bit better now though not 100%; concerned about Jeff's cold, going on more than a week now with lots of coughing and sniffling; Emily is in rare form this morning with some ridiculous emails to Jeff complaining about various things the kids reported to her about their stay with us this weekend (everything from the kind of tea we gave them, to the fact that Josh ate pepperoni which might have had corn in it, which he might be allergic to, even though he's showing no symptoms whatsoever and he's never been to a doctor for this supposed allergy, and even though Jeff and I are both vegetarians and would prefer that the kids not eat meat anyway, but Emily insists that being vegetarian is unhealthy...); it bothers me that she feels comfortable inventing allergies and other illnesses for the kids, but refuses to have them confirmed by a doctor, and on the times when she does take them to the doctor, she refuses to take any financial responsibility whatsoever — if you were a responsible parent and you thought your child might be sick or allergic, wouldn't you want to have a doctor check it out? and if you're going to spend money on expensive toys for yourself and your new husband (like the most expensive kind of internet, the most expensive kinds of clothing, hiring a housekeeper even though you're a stay-at-home mom, etc.), wouldn't you first want to think about putting money towards the kids you already have and taking care of their current needs as well as providing them with some sort of cushion for the future..... sometimes it is so difficult not to intensely dislike this woman, it really does seem like she invents reasons for her to be controlling of other people's lives (if Josh has a rare allergy to a really common food, all the more need for her to exercise strict control over his diet and interfere with everyone he comes into contact with who might give him food) — which is all the more obvious considering he's had pepperoni pizza several times with us and she has never noticed him exhibiting any symptoms; and on top of that, we hear stories from the kids about Jerilynn getting into the habit of lying to Emily and Jeremy (after we expressed concerned that singling her out for disproportionate punishment for, of all things, getting sick would just make her more prone to lie or hide problems from Emily and Jeremy in the future), Josh getting repeatedly banged in the face while rough-housing with Jeremy, Fiona announcing that the only time they ever get to go to the park is when "mommy is upset and she sends us out of the house," and Emily is worried about corn that may or may not even be a problem for a kid who isn't even showing symptoms!? Jesus.

Actions: skipped yoga this morning because of dizziness; starting the new job today (setting up network access and software, primarily); possibly making a trip out to the craft store to get ritual supplies (a candle, and glitter); otherwise, I guess just bracing for the firestorm of Emily's irrational rage... sigh

Connections: there are no goddamned connections between what I really do need to get done today, and the unnecessary stress and worry that Emily brings to this family with her immaturity, irresponsibility and disproportionate accusations; I really do not like this woman; on the other hand, Jeff just read a study following up on the "parents are junkies" article that said happiness in married couples peaks at the wedding, remains about the same until it drops with each subsequent child, and then doesn't return to its original highest level until all the children have grown up and left home... which means, since we're marrying right in the middle of raising four young kids (and we're pretty damn happy anyway), our happiness as a couple is quite literally only going to go up as the kids get older.... and that's not even taking into consideration how we'll never have to deal with Emily's inanity and insanity again after the kids are over eighteen... so, Jeff and Ali FTW.

Daily Tarot Card: The Four of Cups illustrates a state of self-absoprtion and introspection that can express itself as a withdrawal from the world, a refusal to engage or accept the gifts being offered but instead settling down into emotional patterns, especially patterns centered around imaginary worries or unjustified grudges. It is a card of stagnation that results from getting too caught up in day-dreams about how things "ought" to be. (My note: So, yes, I get the point. An appropriate warning card... but so hard to take heed and put into practice. The best step at this point is probably just to get to work.)